A Better Way to Write About Sex

Works that question how we think about love and desire: Your weekly guide to the best in books

By Kate Cray

J. H. Kellogg may be best known for his popular cereal brand, but his legacy includes much more than just breakfast. The inventor of corn flakes was also a health activist who lobbied aggressively for controversial practices—including painful and extreme measures to prevent masturbation. As the book Sex in America argues, the breakfast magnate’s campaign against self-pleasure cast the normal and healthy activity as taboo, just like many of the other anti-sex forces that had dominated the country for centuries.

But those forces couldn’t persist forever. In recent years, an attitude of sex positivity has become the norm, counteracting this long-standing culture of shame. Sex actually is good, the new thinking goes, and people should be having more of it (with consent, of course). Still, although the empowering philosophy has expanded our understanding of sexuality (and is infinitely preferable to a culture of shame), its liberating power has sometimes been hindered by the simplistic way many people apply it. “Positive” may be too one-note of an outlook on something as messy and complicated as sex.

For one, not everyone wants sex. As the journalist Angela Chen explores in her book Ace, our culture’s obsession with sexual attraction can leave those with different experiences feeling abnormal or as though they have a problem that needs to be solved. Even those who do crave sex don’t crave all sex or all sexual experiences. The broad defense for any critiques of our sexual attitudes seems to be consent: If everyone involved said yes, then there can’t be a problem. But this framework is inherently limited, the academic Katherine Angel writes in Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again, as it ignores the power dynamics that sometimes restrict the freedom of our choices. We need a standard for communication that goes beyond mere agreement.

Talking about any of this can seem impossible. Sex positivity does mandate openness, but as shows like Netflix’s Sex Education demonstrate, that forthrightness often seems to permeate only conversations that celebrate sex—not those that question or complicate it. But nuanced and caring discussions about the topic do exist. One place to find them is in romance novels. The genre may have its roots in bodice rippers, many of which cast scenes of rape as romantic, but new writers are aware of these past failings—and are eager to do better. As the author Jasmine Guillory told my colleague Hannah Giorgis in 2018, she aims to write characters who respect each other and who seek not just consent but enthusiasm. In doing so, she is charting a better way to write about love and desire.

What We’re Reading

illustration of a bird and a bee

Why are young people having so little sex?

“Signs are gathering that the delay in teen sex may have been the first indication of a broader withdrawal from physical intimacy that extends well into adulthood.”

crowd of people

The limits of sex positivity

“As American culture has become more expansive in its understanding of sexuality, so has sex therapy. But this kind of sex positivity often doesn’t leave room for those who don’t want sex at all.”

Silhouette of female torso in pink over profile of face in green and shape of a hand with photo of woman's nose and lips

The problem with being cool about sex

“Half a century after the sexual revolution and the start of second-wave feminism, why are the politics of sex still so messy, fraught, and contested?”

Stills from 'Sex Education,' 'Sex: Unzipped,' and 'Sex, Love, and Goop'

Where sex positivity falls short

“The catch of a faultlessly sex-positive universe in which everyone’s up for everything is that there isn’t much space to explore what happens when they’re not.”

illustration of two people on a background printed with Cupid's arrows

How to write consent in romance novels

“[Jasmine] Guillory is particularly skilled at writing the men who woo her novels’ female protagonists with compassion and empathy … Guillory’s male leads aren’t perfect, but they’re unwavering in their respect for the women at the center of these stories.”

Complete Article HERE!

Do Genes Drive How We Feel About Sex and Drugs?

By Lisa Rapaport

Our moral reaction to getting high or a night of casual Netflix and chill — a modern euphemism for having casual sex — may trace in part to our DNA. A new study suggests that our genes could shape our views on these behaviors just as much our environment does.Social scientists have typically assumed that our morals are shaped by the people most present during our childhoods — like our parents, teachers, and friends — and what we experience in our culture — whether from books, television, or TikTok.Results of the new study, published in Psychological Science, suggest that genetics may at least partly explain our moral reactions.

The researchers surveyed more than 8,000 people in Finland, all either fraternal or identical twin pairs or siblings. They asked participants about their views on recreational drug use and sex outside of a committed relationship. Twin studies help scientists tease out the role of nature versus nurture because identical twins usually have the same DNA sequences, but fraternal twins have only about half of their DNA in common.

Investigators compared survey responses to see how much shared DNA explained negative opinions about casual sex and drug use and how much could be attributed instead to a shared environment or unique experiences between the twins.Views on sex and drugs were at least 40% attributable to shared DNA and the remainder attributable to unique experiences, the study found. Views on sex and drugs were also strongly linked, with considerable overlap in opinions about each category.One limitation of the work is common to twin studies in general. These studies cannot distinguish whether certain genes are activated by a shared childhood environment or if some gene variants drive the choice of certain types of environments.

Complete Article HERE!

Where Sex Positivity Falls Short

Television wants to help us get better at talking about sex, but some of its recent offerings miss a crucial point.

By Sophie Gilbert

Since its debut in 2019, Sex Education, Netflix’s charming and filthy comedy about teenagers at a bucolic British high school, has been a jewel in a very mixed bag of streaming content. I’ve loved and appreciated its sweetness, its sex positivity, and its absurd dramatization of school as a place where everyone is willingly and creatively getting it on, no matter the real-world evidence to the contrary. In the show’s conceit, Otis (played by Asa Butterfield), the awkward, virginal son of a sex therapist (the regal Gillian Anderson), finds self-worth and—in the end—satisfaction by giving sex advice to his cluelessly horny peers, despite having no practical experience of his own to draw on. All sex problems, the show posits, are really just communication problems. Talking openly about things (the shape of vulvas, douching, intergalactic alien erotica) diminishes shame, which means no more dysfunction. Right?

In so many ways, Sex Education is a fantasy. It’s an oddly nostalgic, Frankensteinian fusion of ’80s American movieland and British humor, all wooded landscapes and mid-century furniture and regional slang. Of late, though, I’ve started to wonder whether the show’s cheerful raunch is obscuring something crucial. Midway through the recent third season, Olivia (Simone Ashley) reluctantly agrees to have sex with her boyfriend without a condom. (“You know it feels soooo much better. Please,” he whines.) Later, panicked that she might be pregnant, she visits a sexual-health clinic in town, where a nurse gently asks if her boyfriend is pressuring her to have unprotected sex, and how that makes her feel. “Like I can’t enjoy the sex, because I’m just scared of getting pregnant,” she replies. Soon we see Olivia walking out and telling her best friend, who’s waiting for her, that she knows her boyfriend’s a “dickhead” but she still loves him. To me, it felt like an oddly neat and evasive conclusion to a story line that had raised more questions than it answered. The intimation that people frequently cajole other people into doing things that they’re not comfortable with seems to jibe awkwardly with the show’s generally breezy approach to sexuality. Rather than trying to meaningfully define the nebulous edges of consent, Sex Education changes the subject.

The scene reminded me that the fantastical nature of the series extends beyond its verdant, anachronistic setting. The catch of a faultlessly sex-positive universe in which everyone’s up for everything is that there isn’t much space to explore what happens when they’re not. The show doesn’t just put forth an unhelpfully idealized portrayal of what sex is like for teenagers. (In a recent study of male university students in the United Kingdom, more than 10 percent admitted to committing acts of sexual assault, rape, or coercion in the past two years.) In light of series such as I May Destroy You, Michaela Coel’s intricate, confrontational consideration of assault and consent, a show like Sex Education also feels more limited and confining.

Still, it’s only one in a spate of recent Netflix shows hoping to—if you’ll pardon the double entendre—fill the gaps in our sexual savoir faire. The streamer just released Sex: Unzipped, an hour-long special hosted by the rapper Saweetie that’s a kind of comical revue of modern sexual mores, loosely pegged to what the host dubs a post-pandemic “sex drought.” (“Without sex, Netflix and chill would just be watching a whole-ass movie with someone and not getting it in. Ewwww.”) Its premise, which might feel familiar by now, is that sex of all stripes is great, shaming is bad, and subjects such as coercion, consent, and even plain old discomfort aren’t up for debate at this time. The closest Sex: Unzipped comes to engaging with unequal power dynamics in bed is when the drag queen Trixie Mattel asks a puppet version of the sex educator Dr. Ruth how to make sure she’s treating sex workers ethically and Puppet Dr. Ruth quips back, “Pay double.”

Because of sex positivity’s well-intended focus on embracing openness and negating shame, it can exclude nuance, and sidestep the murkier questions of power and intimacy and trust and trauma that people inevitably bring with them into any sexualized situation. It’s easier for popular culture to present sex as a comedic smorgasbord of erotic experiences, outlandish and heartburn-inducing, than it is to wade into the realm of the unpleasant or regrettable. (That is, unless TV is presenting graphic scenes of sexual violence for arbitrary or titillating reasons.) For six seasons on Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw and her friends prattled about anal sex and porn addiction and depressed vaginas, but rarely did they talk about consent, or how to safely remove yourself from a situation that isn’t what you thought it would be. In embracing openness but not complication, Sex Education and Sex: Unzipped follow the same model.

We don’t, at this point in time, need TV shows to do PR for sex. We do need them to challenge and enrich how we think about it. Sweeping in to the rescue, oddly, comes the person I least expected to be helpful—a woman whose history of selling vagina-scented candles and jade eggs belies the fact that she’s made one of the most counterintuitive and empathetic analyses of sex on TV.


I started watching Sex, Love & Goop limbered up for new feats of eye-rolling. And at first, I got what I was prepared for: Gwyneth Paltrow in a sleeveless gray turtleneck made (one imagines) out of Tibetan-antelope hair; the introduction of “somatic sexologists,” who take a hands-on approach to sexual dysfunction; a wok cleaner repurposed as a sex toy; the breathy teasing of cutting-edge techniques that can “optimize our lives.” But somewhere amid a discussion of the “erotic blueprints” that define how individual people relate to sex, I realized I was riveted. The series wasn’t just examining the kinds of sex lives rarely considered in mainstream culture: lesbian couples, parents, people in their 60s. In acknowledging what a fundamental force expressions of desire can be in people’s lives (a means of “self-realization,” “a pathway for healing,” and everything in between), Sex, Love & Goop seems intent on redefining what people think of as sex altogether. But being a true cheerleader for pleasure also means acknowledging and confronting all the things that might be getting in the way of it.

Over six episodes, the show places five couples whose sexual and romantic lives have plateaued with different therapists who help them try to work out their issues. Some critics have objected to the fact that the series includes only people in long-term, monogamous relationships, but I found this decision revealing—if people can’t communicate openly with their most intimate partner, how are they supposed to do it with strangers? As the couples worked with their therapist, nuggets of information began to emerge: Erika, in a relationship with Damon, struggles to achieve orgasm; Shandra and Camille contend with entrenched shame and guilt about their sexuality and their bodies; Felicitas, the mother of two children with Rama, can’t get past thinking about sex as one more obligation in a day loaded with them. “Once you have a child to take care of, your capacity and willingness to take care of someone else who’s an adult diminishes,” she says. “I’m giving so much of myself, of my body. I do not need any more neediness from anybody.”

What becomes clear as the show continues, though, is how little the people participating know about themselves, and how conditioned they’ve been to avoid intimacy rather than be truly vulnerable. “Your intimate relationship is a meditation in everything that’s wrong with you,” Paltrow quotes one of her past therapists saying in the first episode, not in judgment but to say that our sex lives are usually a symptom or an expression of other parts of our psyches. Damon has understood his whole life that sex is a particular physical act, but when he works with a therapist to explore other kinds of touch, the sensation is so profound that he weeps. Erika realizes in one scene that she’s unwittingly prepared herself for pain before sex, which blocks her from fully experiencing pleasure. “I just realized I’ve been bracing for a long time,” she says, also in tears. “That’s a lot to think about.”

In the fifth episode, Sera and Dash, a couple whose problems aren’t sexual so much as emotional (both have a history of fleeing from relationships), undergo a treatment called family-constellation therapy to dig into their hang-ups. The scene is perhaps the most quintessentially Goopy of the series: A group of constellation-therapy practitioners meets outside, wrapped in folksy blankets, and absorbs the “energy” of the couple in order to channel and perform as their ancestors. “We get an imprint from how we were first loved. Then you are either going to rebel against that or want that,” a relationship expert explains to Paltrow. “In family-constellation work, you get to see it.” The moment wasn’t entirely convincing for me—some of the practitioners were more consciously performing than others—but the revelations about family members who’d deterred themselves from loving others as a kind of self-preservation felt almost universally applicable all the same. To be alive is to be exposed to hurt. But with sex, love, and intimacy, the series argues, invulnerability can be its own kind of psychic wound.


One of the strongest scenes in Sex Education comes midway through the third season, when Maeve (Emma Mackey) kisses Isaac (George Robinson), a neighbor of hers who uses a wheelchair because of a spinal injury. The moment is extraordinarily tender, as the pair continually discuss what they’re doing and negotiate ways to give each other pleasure. “I can’t feel anything below my level of injury,” Isaac tells Maeve. “If you put your hand on my chest, I’ll show you.” They briefly discuss the mechanics of intercourse, but Isaac is clear that they shouldn’t try yet—the intimation being that there’s a level of trust involved that they haven’t quite reached. “When I get touched in the places that I can feel,” he tells her, “it can get a little intense.” She complies, kissing his eyebrows and stroking his face. The chemistry between the two actors is seismic.

It’s maybe the most truly sex-positive scene I can think of on television—an example of two people who are sexually attracted to each other communicating what they want, what they don’t want, what they can do, and what they don’t want to do, yet. It made me wonder why a scene like this exists only for a character with a disability, while virtually everyone else in the series seems to see sex as a kind of eroticized trampoline park, bouncing around cheerfully with no sense of the deeper kinds of connection they might be missing. The unfettered positivity of works such as Sex Education and Sex: Unzipped can also start to feel a little like shaming for anyone whose experiences of sex might have been minimal, or disappointing, or scary. “Our culture teaches us it’s not okay to not know about sex, or to not know exactly what to do,” a therapist says in Sex, Love & Goop. The most striking truth the show reveals is that no one knows anything at all, unless they ask.

Complete Article HERE!

Love and rockets

— We need to figure out how to have sex in space for human survival and well-being

By , , , , and

Houston, we have a problem! Love and sex need to happen in space if we hope to travel long distances and become an interplanetary species, but space organizations are not ready.

National agencies and private space companies — such as NASA and SpaceX — aim to colonize Mars and send humans into space for long-term missions, but they have yet to address the intimate and sexual needs of astronauts or future space inhabitants.

This situation is untenable and needs to change if we hope to settle new worlds and continue our expansion in the cosmos — we’ll need to learn how to safely reproduce and build pleasurable intimate lives in space. To succeed, however, we also need space organizations to adopt a new perspective on space exploration: one that considers humans as whole beings with needs and desires.

As researchers exploring the psychology of human sexuality and studying the psychosocial aspects of human factors in space, we propose that it is high time for space programs to embrace a new discipline: space sexology, the comprehensive scientific study of extraterrestrial intimacy and sexuality.

The final, intimate frontier

Love and sex are central to human life. Despite this, national and private space organizations are moving forward with long-term missions to the International Space Station (ISS), the moon and Mars without any concrete research and plans to address human eroticism in space. It’s one thing to land rovers on another planet or launch billionaires into orbit — it’s another to send humans to live in space for extended periods of time.

In practice, rocket science may take us to outer space, but it will be human relations that determine if we survive and thrive as a spacefaring civilization. In that regard, we argue that limiting intimacy in space could jeopardize the mental and sexual health of astronauts, along with crew performance and mission success. On the other hand, enabling space eroticism could help humans adapt to spacelife and enhance the well-being of future space inhabitants.

After all, space remains a hostile environment, and life aboard spacecrafts, stations or settlements poses significant challenges for human intimacy. These include radiation exposure, gravitational changes, social isolation and the stress of living in remote, confined habitats. In the near future, life in space may also limit access to intimate partners, restrict privacy and augment tensions between crew members in hazardous conditions where co-operation is essential.

To date, however, space programs have almost completely omitted the subject of sex in space. The few studies that relate to this topic mostly focus on the impacts of radiation and micro- or hyper-gravity on animal reproduction (rodents, amphibians and insects).

Pleasure and taboo

But human sexuality is about more than just reproduction. It includes complex psychological, emotional and relational dynamics. Love and sex are also pursued for fun and pleasure. As such, space exploration requires the courage to address the intimate needs of humans honestly and holistically.

Abstinence is not a viable option. On the contrary, facilitating masturbation or partnered sex could actually help astronauts relax, sleep and alleviate pain. It could also help them build and maintain romantic or sexual relationships and adapt to spacelife.

Importantly, addressing the sexological issues of human life in space could also help combat sexism, discrimination and sexual violence or harassment, which are unfortunately still pervasive in science and the military — two pillars of space programs.

Due to taboos and conservative sexual views, some organizations may choose to ignore the realities of space intimacy and sexuality. They may also think that this is a non-issue or that there are more pressing matters to attend to. But this attitude lacks foresight, since producing quality science takes time and resources, and sexual health — including pleasure — is increasingly recognized as a human right.

More and more, this means that space agencies and private companies may be held accountable for the sexual and reproductive well-being of those that they take into space.

Thus, space organizations who submit to their conservative funders will likely pay the price of their inaction in a very public and media-fueled way when disaster strikes. The hammer may fall particularly hard on the organizations who have not even tried addressing human eroticism in space, or when the world learns that they knowingly failed to conduct the proper research and take the necessary precautions that scientists have been requesting for more than 30 years.

Intimacy beyond Earth

To move forward, space organizations must stop avoiding sexual topics and fully recognize the importance of love, sex and intimate relationships in human life.

Accordingly, we encourage them to develop space sexology as a scientific field and research program: one that not only aims to study sex in space, but also design systems, habitats and training programs that allow intimacy to take place beyond our home planet, Earth.

We further propose that, given its expertise and the sociopolitical climate of Canada, the Canadian Space Agency is ideally positioned to become a world leader in space sexology. We have what it takes to pave the way for an ethical and pleasurable space journey, as we continue to boldly go where no one has gone before.

Complete Article HERE!

Sex is back, but it’s going to be different

– and hot

The new sexual revolution is here, and all it took was a deadly pandemic

By

Welcome to the summer of love. The Whoring 20s, Shot Girl Summer, the smell of meat and lotion. A bus passed by yesterday, its side painted with an advert encouraging passersby to “vax, wax and relax”. The new sexual revolution is here, and all it took was a deadly pandemic and a year indoors. It’s true, it’s coming, look, there!

Big women swaggering through a pollarded boulevard, feeling themselves like they’ve never feeled before, suited men singing soul songs under their breath, teenagers standing so close they’re talking in each other’s voices. There’s a picnic by the swings where someone has served themself with mayonnaise on a soft baguette. In the supermarket, women stand mesmerised by the erotic hum of a freezer, and someone inhales the cut flowers with a heavy-lidded smile, and a man gruffly counts peaches. A parking attendant kisses his own lips, the tune of an ice-cream van sounds drunk and yearning. When did everyone get a body? When did everyone descend from the live-work space of their minds and knock through to the basement of those hips, that hair?

Yes, sex is back. For a while there it was touch and go whether it would survive the night, having evolved, devolved over the years into a new kind of touchless touch, many young people choosing to pursue relationships online rather than on sofas. But now, having had time to consider our futures, time to swipe our phones with thrice-washed hands and a new professional grade level of attentiveness, having come to new realisations about touch, loneliness, the pandemic-imposed limits of our new lives and the self-imposed limits of our old ones, the world is ready for its return.

For some, this will simply mean more. It will mean stepping out of the house, a prick in each arm and another in the thigh for luck, and slipping straight into a stranger’s dress, a colleague’s bathroom, the idling Volvo of a dad waiting for the end of Year Six streetdance. Good luck to you comrades, congratulations. But for many, the end of our lockdowns will result in a different kind of sex. New kinks have bred in isolation – a genre of Covid porn is thriving on certain laptops, and fantasies are feverish and confused, dystopian, dreamlike. The danger of touch, the forbidden thrill of brushing past an ungloved wrist, masks no longer only for the unvanilla – sex has changed shape. As has dating. Those months on apps, when people were forced to engage in different kinds of communication beyond just meeting in a bar and thinking this’ll do, are (according to a report Cosmopolitan commissioned from the Kinsey Institute) leading to more considered interactions. They predict “the death of the one-night stand”, and a grand move away from destructive dating habits, towards more experimentation, more thoughtful commitments, more pleasure, and fewer people settling for less – a whole resetting of sexual expectation.

Of course, for many of us, it won’t be easy. Not because we’re not sexy and attractive. No, not that at all. We are all insanely attractive right now actually, thank you, incredibly soft and awkward in our beauty. Everyone is gorgeous and no one is OK. So it will be difficult in the way that all attempts at resocialising are difficult, as we step gingerly into the wild, looking backwards with a scared and red-eyed wonder before trotting cautiously towards the trees. How does a “kiss”, what is to “sex”, who is “hand”, a whispered hiss of questions will echo around the clubs at 2am, two people will insist on time-outs during dinner, just to quickly revise the rules about what is meant to happen next.

The trick will be to weaponise this awkwardness, and transform it into a series of exquisite tensions. It is a chance to be naive again, to purr as a person presses your back like a cat on Instagram or a David Attenborough cub. People are excited simply to sit across from a person they admire, simply to pull the window closed or wetly kiss their cheek – each drop of this excitement must be noted, harnessed and claimed as adorable. There will be people who want to lie fully clothed on top of the covers and breathe at each other. There will be people who want to use all the knowledge accrued from twice-daily Zoom meetings to direct erotic films with high production values and a plotline about office politics. There will be people who unload all the therapy they’ve had across the year on to their partner’s bed and roll around on it. There will be someone for everybody, once they’ve worked out how to say hello, I like you.

It’s going to be a good summer. It’s going to be an interesting summer, with moments of pain, and the sometimes bastard thoughts that make us human. It’s going to be hot, but in ways that occasionally burn, a humid bewildering kind of heat. It’s going to be the summer of complicated, radical, ageing, queered, distanced, unlikely love. Welcome, enjoy, and please wash your hands.

Complete Article HERE!

Why single people smell different

There is a wealth of psychological and biological information stored in our scent, but for some reason we choose to ignore it.

By William Park

King Louis XIV of France was obsessed with fragrance. Cut flowers adorned every room in Versailles, furniture and fountains were sprayed with perfume and visitors were even doused before entering the palace. Whether it was because his personal hygiene was not up to the standards we might expect today, or he just enjoyed playing with scent, Louis understood that smell is important.

Our body odour can reveal details about our health, like the presence of diseases (cholera smells sweet and acute diabetes like rotten apples). “It can also reveal information about our diet,” says Mehmet Mahmut, an olfaction and odour psychologist at Macquarie University, Australia. “There are a couple of studies that kind of contradict, but my group found that the more meat you consume the more pleasant your BO smells.”

Men find women’s body odour more pleasant and attractive during the follicular phase of the menstrual cycle, when women are most fertile, and least pleasant and attractive during menstruation. This might have been useful for our ancient ancestors to detect good candidates for reproduction, suggest the authors of that paper. Men’s testosterone levels might improve their scent, too.

While it can change depending on our diet and health, a lot of what makes our smell unique is determined by our genetics. Our body odour is specific enough, and our sense of smell accurate enough, that people can pair the sweaty T-shirts of identical twins from a group of strangers’ T-shirts. Identical twin body odour is so similar that matchers in this experiment even mistook duplicate T-shirts from the same individual as two twin T-shirts.

“This is important because it shows that genes influence how we smell,” says Agnieszka Sorokowska, a psychologist and expert in human olfaction at the University of Wroclaw, Poland, “so, we might be able to detect genetic information about other people by smelling them.”

Collectively we spend billions of dollars trying to change or disguise our natural body odour with perfumes and fragrances (Credit: Michal Bialozej)
Collectively we spend billions of dollars trying to change or disguise our natural body odour with perfumes and fragrances

Your HLA profile is very likely to be different to everyone else you meet – though some people, like your close relatives, will be more similar to you than others. From a genetic point of view, it is an advantage to have a child with someone who has a dissimilar HLA profile. “If you have a partner who is genetically dissimilar in BO and immune profile, then your children will have a better resistance to pathogens,” says Sorokowska.

These women put the T-shirts worn by men with the most dissimilar HLA profile first and last the most similar. So they were able to identify the men, and preferred the men, with the best match in terms of immune system genetics. They didn’t know that was what they were doing, of course – it was subconscious.

The specific mechanism that causes HLA-dissimilarity to result in a better-smelling BO is not known, says Sorokowska. “But it is thought that HLA results in the production of certain substances that are digested by our skin bacteria that produce a certain odour.”

Do humans use genetic information hidden in body odour to choose their partners? It would seem not. In a study of almost 3,700 married couples, the likelihood of people ending up with a HLA-dissimilar partner was no different to chance. We might have a preference for certain smells, and there might be a genetic reason for that, but we don’t act upon smells when choosing who we marry.

“But even though HLA does not influence choices, it influences sexual wellbeing,” says Sorokowska. People with congenital anosmia (the loss of their sense of smell) have poorer relationship outcomes, suggests Mahmut in a study with Ilona Croy at the University of Dresden, Germany.

Many of the experiments on body odour ask women to rank the t-shirts worn by men, and sometimes even their own husbands (Credit: Michal Bialozej)
Many of the experiments on body odour ask women to rank the t-shirts worn by men, and sometimes even their own husbands

Couples who had high HLA-dissimilarity – which presumably happened by chance – had the highest levels of sexual satisfaction and the highest levels of desire to have children.

This link was more strongly seen in women. Women partnered with HLA-similar men reported more sexual dissatisfaction and lower desire to have children. Though when evidence from multiple studies is taken into account, the effect might not be conclusive

To evolutionary biologists the emphasis on female choice makes sense. In nature, females tend to choose males, as it is the mother who invests the most in raising children and therefore has the most to lose by mating with a genetically inferior male. The female must be discerning in her choice, so looks for clues as to a male’s quality. This is why males are often colourful, perform dances, sing songs or offer gifts in nature – they have to prove their genetic quality.

The link between BO preference and genes spurred a fashion for T-shirt speed-dating and even “mail odour” services. But the evidence to support the idea we can make good dating decisions based on smell is unclear. We might say we prefer something, but in practice it would appear we do not make choices based on that preference. Why not?

One reason might be that real-life scenarios are too complex to use scent information accurately. Our other senses can distort the information we take in from smell. Based on body odour alone, we can make accurate assessments of other people’s neuroticism. But when shown a photo of that person alongside a sample of their BO “they got confused”, becoming less accurate, says Sorokowska. “And we are not able to rate neuroticism from faces alone.” She says that BO is more accurate for judging neuroticism, but faces are easier, and often we just do what is easiest.

In another study, married women brought in their husbands’ T-shirts and single women brought in a platonic friend’s T-shirt and these were mixed up with more T-shirts from random men.

“Did partnered women end up with someone whose BO they preferred to others?” says Mahmut. “Not necessarily. There was no overwhelming evidence they put their partner at number one.” In this case, the women had not chosen a husband who had the BO that smelled best to them.

In a separate study by Mahmut, strangers’ BO also smelled stronger than married men’s BO. He speculates that this might be because “there’s some evidence of a correlation between high testosterone levels and stronger BO. We know there is an association between a reduction in testosterone and getting older, which might be due to the things going on in a married man’s life as he gets over 40 – prioritising children and things like that. Men who are in relationships, and more so those that have had children, have lower testosterone.

Men can find women's body odour more attractive at key points in their menstrual cycle (Credit: Michal Bialozej)
Men can find women’s body odour more attractive at key points in their menstrual cycle

So, we know that we give off information about our reproductive quality in our BO, and we know that we can detect it, but we don’t act on it. Should we?

“If your sole interest is finding a partner with good genes, then perhaps you should pay attention to their smell,” says Sorokowska. “But for most people that is not the most important thing, and most people don’t do it.”

Mahmut agrees: “The usefulness of scent has somewhat decreased. We spent tens of thousands of years disguising what we smell like.”

Complete Article HERE!

You don’t have a male or female brain

– the more brains scientists study, the weaker the evidence for sex differences

Brain sex isn’t a thing.

By

Everyone knows the difference between male and female brains. One is chatty and a little nervous, but never forgets and takes good care of others. The other is calmer, albeit more impulsive, but can tune out gossip to get the job done.

These are stereotypes, of course, but they hold surprising sway over the way actual brain science is designed and interpreted. Since the dawn of MRI, neuroscientists have worked ceaselessly to find differences between men’s and women’s brains. This research attracts lots of attention because it’s just so easy to try to link any particular brain finding to some gender difference in behavior.

But as a neuroscientist long experienced in the field, I recently completed a painstaking analysis of 30 years of research on human brain sex differences. And what I found, with the help of excellent collaborators, is that virtually none of these claims has proven reliable.

Except for the simple difference in size, there are no meaningful differences between men’s and women’s brain structure or activity that hold up across diverse populations. Nor do any of the alleged brain differences actually explain the familiar but modest differences in personality and abilities between men and women.

More alike than not

My colleagues and I titled our study “Dump the Dimorphism” to debunk the idea that human brains are “sexually dimorphic.” That’s a very science-y term biologists use to describe a structure that comes in two distinct forms in males and females, such as antlers on deer or the genitalia of men and women.

A pair of wild zebra finches (Taeniopygia guttata) perch in South Australia. The male is in the foreground, the female behind.

When it comes to the brain, some animals do indeed exhibit sexual dimorphism, such as certain birds whose brains contain a song-control nucleus that is six times larger in males and is responsible for male-only courtship singing. But as we demonstrate in our exhaustive survey, nothing in human brains comes remotely close to this.

Yes, men’s overall brain size is about 11% bigger than women’s, but unlike some songbirds, no specific brain areas are disproportionately larger in men or women. Brain size is proportional to body size, and the brain difference between sexes is actually smaller than other internal organs, such as the heart, lungs and kidneys, which range from 17% to 25% larger in men.

When overall size is properly controlled, no individual brain region varies by more than about 1% between men and women, and even these tiny differences are not found consistently across geographically or ethnically diverse populations.

Other highly touted brain sex differences are also a product of size, not sex. These include the ratio of gray matter to white matter and the ratio of connections between, versus within, the two hemispheres of the brain. Both of these ratios are larger in people with smaller brains, whether male or female.

What’s more, recent research has utterly rejected the idea that the tiny difference in connectivity between left and right hemispheres actually explains any behavioral difference between men and women.

A zombie concept

Still, “sexual dimorphism” won’t die. It’s a zombie concept, with the latest revival using artificial intelligence to predict whether a given brain scan comes from a man or woman.

Computers can do this with 80% to 90% accuracy except, once again, this accuracy falls to 60% (or not much better than a coin flip) when you properly control for head size. More troublesome is that these algorithms don’t translate across populations, such as European versus Chinese. Such inconsistency shows there are no universal features that discriminate male and female brains in humans – unlike those deer antlers.

Human brain structure is the same in males and females.

Neuroscientists have long held out hope that bigger studies and better methods would finally uncover the “real” or species-wide sex differences in the brain. But the truth is, as studies have gotten bigger, the sex effects have gotten smaller.

This collapse is a telltale sign of a problem known as publication bias. Small, early studies which found a significant sex difference were likelier to get published than research finding no male-female brain difference.

Software versus hardware

We must be doing something right, because our challenge to the dogma of brain sex has received pushback from both ends of the academic spectrum. Some have labeled us as science “deniers” and deride us for political correctness. On the other extreme, we are dismissed by women’s health advocates, who believe research has overlooked women’s brains – and that neuroscientists should intensify our search for sex differences to better treat female-dominant disorders, such as depression and Alzheimer’s disease.

But there’s no denying the decades of actual data, which show that brain sex differences are tiny and swamped by the much greater variance in individuals’ brain measures across the population. And the same is true for most behavioral measures.

[Deep knowledge, daily. Sign up for The Conversation’s newsletter.]

About a decade ago, teachers were urged to separate boys and girls for math and English classes based on the sexes’ alleged learning differences. Fortunately, many refused, arguing the range of ability is always much greater among boys or among girls than between each gender as a group.

In other words, sex is a very imprecise indicator of what kind of brain a person will have. Another way to think about it is every individual brain is a mosaic of circuits that control the many dimensions of masculinity and femininity, such as emotional expressiveness, interpersonal style, verbal and analytic reasoning, sexuality and gender identity itself.

Or, to use a computer analogy, gendered behavior comes from running different software on the same basic hardware.

The absence of binary brain sex features also resonates with the increasing numbers of people who identify as nonbinary, queer, nonconforming or transgender. Whatever influence biological sex exerts directly on human brain circuitry is clearly not sufficient to explain the multidimensional behaviors we lump under the complex phenomenon of gender.

Rather than “dimorphic,” the human brain is a sexually monomorphic organ – much more like the heart, kidneys and lungs. As you may have noticed, these can be transplanted between women and men with great success.

Complete Article HERE!

Men who identify as feminists are having more — and more varied — sex

By

In 2015, Justin Trudeau surprised many by claiming a feminist identity. Numerous celebrities and entertainers have recently asserted themselves as feminists, and some have even chastised those who reject feminism.

While more and more men from across social divides have begun supporting feminist values and asserting a feminist identity, many are scrutinized for talking the talk but not walking the walk.

Feminism is predicated on support for gender equality. Men may associate with feminism to help distance themselves from outdated gender roles, bringing them in line with current sociopolitical trends.

In a recent article I co-authored with sociologist Tina Fetner, we looked at whether feminist men care about equality in the bedroom, the most intimate environment where the gender oppression may play out. Specifically, we were interested in how the sex lives of feminist men differed from non-feminist men: Did their personal politics mean they acted differently when having sex with women?

Beyond simply claiming a progressive identity, what sort of behaviours accompany a feminist identity? Do feminist men actually live up to their identity in various aspects of their lives?

Surveying men

Seeking answers to these questions, we analyzed a sub-sample of self-identifying heterosexual men from a larger survey on sex and sexuality in Canada. The Sex in Canada survey is a nationally representative survey of Canadian adults. It asks questions not only about sexuality, but also about personal sexual behaviours, sexual history and political and social values.

Of all the straight Canadian men surveyed, we found that only about 22 per cent of men actually identified as feminist. Most men, around 60 per cent, said they were not feminists, and about 18 per cent were “not sure.” And, as with feminist women in previous studies, feminist men were more likely to have higher levels of education.

Feminism = more sex

Taking a look at how recently men engage in certain sex acts, we found feminist men had more sex than non-feminist men. Specifically, feminist men reported having intercourse and both performing and receiving oral sex with women partners more recently than non-feminist men.

While feminist men reported giving oral sex to their partners more recently, they also engaged in intercourse and received oral sex more recently than non-feminist men, suggesting they do not sacrifice their own pleasure. Instead, we believe feminist men continue to benefit from traditional approaches to sex that emphasize sex acts pleasurable for men.

Taking a deeper look at this, we examined men’s most recent sexual encounter to further test if intimate encounters differed between groups. Feminist men, and those who said they were unsure of their feminist stance, were more likely than non-feminists to have intercourse and engage in breast touching or nipple stimulation.

Feminist men and even those who were not sure, reported giving oral sex to their female partners at higher rates than non-feminists. This is critical as research consistently finds that clitoral stimulation through oral sex is an important and pleasurable act that brings women to orgasm.

Gender equality in private and public

All too frequently we see men say one thing and do another; we tend to focus primarily on public attitudes and behaviours. We have little knowledge of what goes on beyond closed doors.

Although men who claim a feminist identity may not be more equitable in their everyday public interactions with women, our findings suggest that identifying as a feminist matters in private settings.

In private sexual encounters, feminist men and those ambivalent toward feminism, perform sexual behaviours targeting women’s pleasure at a higher rate than those disavowing feminism, suggesting these men may care about their partners as expressed through the performance of equality in sexual pleasure.

Many men claiming a feminist identity also declare support for gender equality. Our results indicate this purported support coincides with a commitment to gender equality in sexual interaction. Feminist men help transcend sexual (interaction) inequality by bridging the gender gap in orgasms.

While this is a good sign, we encourage further conversation and research addressing inequality in private heterosexual relations.

Complete Article HERE!

How ‘sex addiction’ has historically been used to absolve white men

“It is often used as an excuse to pathologize misogyny.”

By Kimmy Yam

While authorities said Atlanta-area spa shooting suspect Robert Aaron Long, 21, told investigators he was motivated by “sexual addiction” and claimed he had no racial motivation, health specialists say the explanation falls short.

Capt. Jay Baker, a spokesman for the Cherokee County Sheriff’s Office, said Long — who is accused of killing eight people, six of them Asian women — indicated that the spas were “a temptation for him that he wanted to eliminate.” However, experts say such rationale has been used before in attempts to exonerate white men. The explanation also discounts racial dynamics and can “cause harm” in the way the public understands these issues.

White men have traditionally been given a pass when they say it — and have the privilege of overlooking how race is a factor, experts say.

“Historically, the term ‘sex addiction’ has been used by white males to absolve themselves from personal and legal responsibility for their behaviors,” Apryl Alexander, associate professor in the Graduate School of Professional Psychology at the University of Denver, told NBC Asian America. “It is often used as an excuse to pathologize misogyny.”

The defense of sex addiction itself, Alexander said, is a highly controversial one as those in the fields of psychology, psychiatry and sex research continue to debate whether to formally recognize it. Currently, the idea that sex addiction is a disorder is not supported by research, nor is it accepted as a clinical diagnosis, she said.

“A lot of individuals who are doing this kind of self-reports of sexual addiction are having normative sexual behaviors and urges, but they might be excessive. Or for a lot of people, it’s rooted in shame that ‘I’m having these attractions and emotional desires that are normal, but I don’t recognize them as normal,’” Alexander said.

Though the American Psychiatric Association added the concept of sexual addiction to its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 1987, it later retracted the term and has since rejected the addition of the idea to its later editions including the DSM–5, which is widely seen as the definitive resource on mental disorders, on the basis of a lack of supporting evidence.

Alexander said this sexual behavior doesn’t affect the brain in the same ways other addictions, including substance use and gambling behavior, do, either, calling the characterization of Long’s behavior “concerning.”

The self-identification of sex addiction, she said, is often seen in individuals who are raised in conservative and religious environments, “where there’s a high level of moral disapproval of their natural kind of sexual urges and desires.” Many of these populations are overwhelmingly white.

In examining acts of gender-based violence, Alexander said such attacks often occur at the intersection of misogyny, racism, xenophobia and homophobia. She emphasized that contrary to what Long told police, such violence “doesn’t just occur in isolation.”

Richelle Concepcion, president of the Asian American Psychological Association, said accepting the suspect’s rationale in this case erases several colliding dynamics of class, immigration status and gender that impact the communities most at risk for physical and sexual violence.

“Quite frankly, it’s really difficult to attribute the atrocious behaviors to an addiction, especially when you look at the demographics of a majority of those who were murdered,” she said. “Race and gender do play a role in this.”

“It’s really unfair to take his word as there is intersectionality that exists pertaining to the lives taken, especially when one considers that the suspect claims to have gone to these businesses with the intention of eliminating the threat of temptation,” Concepcion added.

Still, sex addiction is a common defense invoked by white men in power.

After a number of allegations emerged last year from multiple women, including several who were underage at the time, accusing comedian Chris D’Elia of requesting sexual favors, he responded with a video in February saying, “Sex, it controlled my life.” He added, “I had a problem, and I do have a problem.”

Harvey Weinstein similarly claimed in a 2017 video that he wasn’t “doing OK” and “I’ve got to get help” after numerous accusations of sexual harassment and rape. In a statement provided to NBC News, his brother, Bob Weinstein, described him as “obviously a very sick man.”

And former congressman Anthony Weiner in 2017 broke down in front of a judge after being sentenced to 21 months in prison for sexting an underage girl. Weiner, who called himself a “very sick man for a very long time,” had aimed to avoid jail time after the judge acknowledged that he had sought and received treatment for the behavior.

But controversies don’t end at the diagnosis itself, and treatments have been criticized for insufficiently addressing the role of misogyny in sexual behavior. Ideas, including society’s hypersexualization of Asian women, Alexander said, often go unexamined.

“They often don’t talk about these hypermasculine attitudes or misogynistic messages that individuals are getting, whether that’s from pornography or society at large,” Alexander said. “A lot of these so-called treatment programs often reinforce gender stereotypes. They talk about things like ‘Women are tempting you,’ ‘Women in pornography are trying to seduce you, and that’s why you need to avoid’ instead of talking about your own kind of personal attitudes and behaviors that cause you to marginalize women.”

Such framing of women as “temptresses,” particularly in reference to Asian women, in part shifts the onus from perpetrator to victim, Concepcion said. It plays into a stereotype of women as manipulative dragon ladies, fueling dangerous perceptions that make them uniquely vulnerable to violence. She explained that there’s a tendency to attribute the reasoning behind violence and murderous acts to others’ malicious intent, creating the perception that these victims who were killed intentionally provoked the perpetrator to violence.

“There have been examinations recently of television shows and even movies from years ago that depicted Asian women as temptresses, which appear to prove these stereotypes of Asian women as fact,” she said.

Alexander said larger toxic societal issues need to be unpacked in this context of treatment, in addition to other experiences that may have contributed to such behaviors.

“Those are the things that need to be addressed as underlying issues in this constellation of things that may have led to maybe sexual preoccupation,” she said. “The sexual compulsions or preoccupations are often associated with other types of underlying psychological issues, unmet emotional needs, childhood trauma or, again, power and control dynamics that contribute to oppression.”

But experts stressed that even when people exhibit attitudes that are indicative of oppression and marginalization of others, that does not often lead to committing an act of mass violence. Contrary to prevailing stereotypes, statistics show that roughly 3 percent to 5 percent of violent acts can be attributed to people who have a serious mental illness. In reality, individuals confronting mental health issues are more than 10 times more likely to be victims of violent crime compared to the general population.

For people dealing with sexual preoccupation that may be causing them distress, experts recommend help and support that approach the issue with positivity. Treatments that are shame-based are never effective, Alexander said, and mitigating feelings of shame comes with comprehensive sex education. Sexuality is marginalized so frequently in culture and it’s not uncommon that people harbor difficult emotions around the subject, unsure of how to wrestle with it, she said.

“A lot of our sex education is rooted in shame and stigma, that we don’t talk about normative sexuality and how to work through that — that maybe your urges are natural,” she said.

With the resources available to help people living with mental illnesses, Concepcion said it’s never acceptable to chalk this violent behavior up to having a “bad day.”

“Many of us have bad days and yet a majority of us focus on other forms of coping to alleviate the impact of said days,” she said. “It is never justified to take lives or engage in acts of violence when we ourselves have experienced less than ideal days.”

Complete Article HERE!

What Are Sperm Telling Us?

Scientists are concerned by falling sperm counts and declining egg quality. Endocrine-disrupting chemicals may be the problem.

By Nicholas Kristof

Something alarming is happening between our legs.

Sperm counts have been dropping; infant boys are developing more genital abnormalities; more girls are experiencing early puberty; and adult women appear to be suffering declining egg quality and more miscarriages.

It’s not just humans. Scientists report genital anomalies in a range of species, including unusually small penises in alligators, otters and minks. In some areas, significant numbers of fish, frogs and turtles have exhibited both male and female organs.

Four years ago, a leading scholar of reproductive health, Shanna H. Swan, calculated that from 1973 to 2011, the sperm count of average men in Western countries had fallen by 59 percent. Inevitably, there were headlines about “Spermageddon” and the risk that humans would disappear, but then we moved on to chase other shiny objects.

Now Swan, an epidemiologist at Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York, has written a book, “Count Down,” that will be published on Tuesday and sounds a warning bell. Her subtitle is blunt: “How our modern world is threatening sperm counts, altering male and female reproductive development, and imperiling the future of the human race.”

Swan and other experts say the problem is a class of chemicals called endocrine disruptors, which mimic the body’s hormones and thus fool our cells. This is a particular problem for fetuses as they sexually differentiate early in pregnancy. Endocrine disruptors can wreak reproductive havoc.

These endocrine disruptors are everywhere: plastics, shampoos, cosmetics, cushions, pesticides, canned foods and A.T.M. receipts. They often aren’t on labels and can be difficult to avoid.

“In some ways, the sperm-count decline is akin to where global warming was 40 years ago,” Swan writes. “The climate crisis has been accepted — at least by most people — as a real threat. My hope is that the same will happen with the reproductive turmoil that’s upon us.”

Chemical companies are as reckless as tobacco companies were a generation ago, or as opioid manufacturers were a decade ago. They lobby against even safety testing of endocrine disruptors, so that we have little idea if products we use each day are damaging our bodies or our children. We’re all guinea pigs.

Aside from the decline in sperm counts, growing numbers of sperm appear defective — there’s a boom in two-headed sperm — while others loll aimlessly in circles, rather than furiously swimming in pursuit of an egg. And infants who have had greater exposures to a kind of endocrine disruptor called phthalates have smaller penises, Swan found.

Uncertainty remains, research sometimes conflicts and biological pathways aren’t always clear. There are competing theories about whether the sperm count decline is real and what might cause it and about why girls appear to be reaching puberty earlier, and it’s sometimes unclear whether an increase in male genital abnormalities reflects actual rising numbers or just better reporting.

Still, the Endocrine Society, the Pediatric Endocrine Society, the President’s Cancer Panel and the World Health Organization have all warned about endocrine disruptors, and Europe and Canada have moved to regulate them. But in the United States, Congress and the Trump administration seemed to listen more to industry lobbyists than to independent scientists.

Patricia Ann Hunt, a reproductive geneticist at Washington State University, has conducted experiments on mice showing that the impact of endocrine disruptors is cumulative, generation after generation. When infant mice were exposed for just a few days to endocrine disrupting chemicals, their testes as adults produced fewer sperm, and this incapacity was transmitted to their offspring. While findings from animal studies can’t necessarily be extended to humans, after three generations of these exposures, one-fifth of the male mice were infertile.

“I find this particularly troubling,” Professor Hunt told me. “From the standpoint of human exposures, you could argue we are hitting the third generation just about now.”

What if anything does all this mean for the future of humanity?

“I do not see humans becoming extinct, but I do see family lines ending for a subset of people who are infertile,” Andrea Gore, a professor of neuroendocrinology at the University of Texas at Austin, told me. “People with impaired sperm or egg quality cannot exercise their right to choose to have a child. That may not devastate our species, but it is certainly devastating to these infertile couples.”

More research is necessary, and government regulation and corporate responsibility are crucial to manage risks, but Swan offers practical suggestions for daily life for those with the resources. Store food in glass containers, not plastic. Above all, don’t microwave foods in plastic or with plastic wrap on top. Avoid pesticides. Buy organic produce if possible. Avoid tobacco or marijuana. Use a cotton or linen shower curtain, not one made of vinyl. Don’t use air fresheners. Prevent dust buildup. Vet consumer products you use with an online guide like that of the Environmental Working Group.

Many issues in headlines today won’t much matter in a decade, let alone in a century. Climate change is one exception, and another may be the risks to our capacity to reproduce.

The epitome of a “low blow” is a kick to the crotch. And that, friends, may be what we as a species are doing to ourselves.

Complete Article HERE!

Hacker exploits smart chastity belt bug to hold penises hostage

The hacker demanded to be paid in Bitcoin, because of course they did.

By Andrew Paul

Sex toy tech is a burgeoning industry often eliciting cheap jokes from people, but it truly presents some serious implications for consumers’ digital privacy and security rights. But hey, no one says these two reactions are mutually exclusive. Don’t believe us? Here: BDSM enthusiasts wearing remote-enabled chastity belts around their dicks are potentially getting caught between a rock and a hard place thanks to hackers breaching the device’s software.

Putting users in a tough bind — According to multiple outlets, hackers discovered a security flaw within the API of a Bluetooth-enabled BDSM sex device called the Cellmate Chastity Cage that allowed them to simultaneously lock all currently in-use devices. The bug was initially first reported last October, but the solution wasn’t so simple as issuing a software update; shutting down the then-current API would result in locking all of the devices from the Chinese-based manufacturer, Qiui. The company provided a revamped API for any new Cellmate purchasers, but the existing vulnerable software remained live and exploitable. Qiui offered numerous reassurances to deal with the issue, but it’s never seemed to fully materialize. So, of course, the worst-case scenario is exactly what happened, as reported by Motherboard.

Bolt cutters and angle grinders — One user recounted receiving a hacker’s message demanding a 0.02 Bitcoin ransom (around $750) or else their Cellmate would remain permanently locked. Given the Qiui’s “smart” sex toy locks via a metal ring underneath a user’s penis, it could have required something along the lines of a sizable bolt cutter or angle grinder to free oneself, which, y’know… is an absolutely terrifying thought. As the BBC noted in October, “Any other attempt to cut through the device’s plastic body poses a risk of harm.” “Fortunately I didn’t have this locked on myself while this happened,” the individual known only as Robert told Motherboard.

Even more private parts could be exposed — If the thought of having one’s genitals permanently encased in Chinese plastic isn’t unsettling enough already, the security flaw underscored even deeper existential problems for users. Pen Test Partners, the British-based cybersecurity firm who first exposed the issues, also noted that the API exploit easily exposed users’ passwords, private messages, and even precise geospatial locations, as seen below.

Pretty much all “Internet of Things” programming will inevitably run into bugs and possible security breaches, but these issues certainly become all the more serious (and even potentially dangerous) when some of your most literal and figurative sensitive information is on the line. The phrase “buyer beware” has never been more appropriate… so please, people. By all means, enhance and expand your sex lives. Just do so responsibly and safely on all fronts.

Complete Article HERE!

Sex trends to expect for the year ahead

By Ellen Scott

What’s going to be big in the world of sex this year, beyond plenty of lockdown masturbation?

More inclusive language, sexual telehealth, and intimate grooming for men, apparently.

These are all trends predicted for 2021 by Dominnique Karetsos, the CEO of The Healthy Pleasure Group, which is dedicated entirely to the sexual health and technology industry.

Below she breaks down her forecast of sex trends for the year ahead.

Sexual wellness will be a priority

2020 saw a massive rise in sex toy sales, pointing to a renewed focus on self-pleasure, and Dominnique reckons that trend will continue in the year ahead.

We’ll continue to care deeply about connecting with ourselves and enjoying solo pleasure.

‘It has been a tough and challenging year, at times it felt like crawling through sludge, but on the other side it was filled with celebration,’ says Dominnique. ‘Celebrating and exploring what mother nature permitted us to explore in lockdown and the innovation, education and investment that will steer 2021 into healthier behavioural change.’

Intimate grooming for men

Brands will launch products and ranges specifically targeted to men’s sexual pleasure and wellbeing.

Think pubic hair oils targeted at men, organic lubes, and solo sex toys designed for the penis.

More inclusive, sex-positive language

‘We will see a collosal shift in reshaping the language and education in our space,’ sayd Dominnique, ‘affirming that pleasure is healthy, sex is to be explored solo or otherwise, that its ok to not to be ok, that marginalised communities deserve to be witnessed and heard.

‘From trans communities, those with disabilities, sex workers who should not be de-humanised, all these narratives have made news headlines, acronyms like enby when referring to the non-binary community, brands like EXO have launched world first products with inclusive language for trans women community, Lovehoney investing in disibility ranges and campaigns from Handi.

‘Language is vital in offering us education so we can learn how to shape our own narratives while considering our tolerance and sexual empathy for others.

‘The power of the language has the ability to build countries, reshape policies and carve spaces for our identities; just look at the acknowledgement of the use of pronouns she/he/they. It is just the beginning. Lexicons are how humanity is witnessed, here is hoping that this trend evolves into our new cultural fibre for a positive social impact.’

Sexual spaces online

The sex and health industry is ditching social platforms with harsh restrictions on sexual content and making their own spaces.

‘Innovation of social platforms like Pleazeme.com is providing safe places for all to explore their sexualities, health and wellness,’ says Dominnique. ‘STIs are shifting beyond delivering results on mobiles and encouraging ways for us to share our ‘safe to play’ results, lead by brand iPlaySafe – it won’t be long before you tick the IplaySafe box on your dating app profile before you play.

‘These digital landscapes are our new playgrounds that positively aim to make for a smart internet of sexual health and no longer having our sexualities dictated by archaic commercial structures.’

Gamification of sexual pleasure

Dominnique points towards apps like Clitar Hero, a touch screen game that matches specific pleasure techniques with music and lets you play your way to an orgasm.

‘This is all about having fun and normalising girls’ sexual pleasure,’ she explains. ‘Expect to see many more brands use gamification as a way to engage and expand reach.

‘I look forward to seeing gamification in sex ed in schools, A geat tool to adapt to different ages with relevance.’

Telehealth for sexual dysfunctions

Dominnique says: ‘Brands like Hims and Hers, Numan , Manual, Elanza Wellness have facilitated medical and professional help being delivered to millions of beings in the safety of their homes.

‘There’s nothing like a global threat to humanity to rethink how we heal humans and I believe it is safe to say we will never go back to traditional clinical care or advice about our sexual health. We can only move forward and evolve.’

Improvements to fertility care and contraception

Expect greater innovation in the world of contraception and conception.

‘Brands like OOVA and Lab’s like Cemag Care are revolutionising how we track and translate our hormones aiding women to make accurate and supported decisions about their fertility options or contraceptives,’ says Dominnique. ‘Innovation like Ballerine from OCON MED means as women we have safer, more comfortable, hormone-free smart IUD.’

Smart sex robots and virtual reality learning

Dominnique predicts more excitement in the world of sex robots and AI.

‘Brands like Hatsumi are using VR as immersive research to teach and deliver ultimate experiences from pleasure to death doula, while HPG Lab has developed exclusive IP for robotic clit stimulators,’ she says. ‘These are the next generation of toys to help women learn how to have an orgasm.

‘O School and The Femedic are brands using AI and other smart data technology to ensure our learning and content is not just trustworthy and accurate but relevant.

‘So yes robotics and AI can be used to positively impact our experiences.’

Complete Article HERE!

8 Fascinating Things Scientists Discovered About Sex In 2020

by Kelly Gonsalves

While most of the world’s eyes remained understandably glued to the ongoing research around the coronavirus, immunity, and vaccine science, there were actually plenty of fascinating developments in the world of sexuality research. Behold, a small sampling of the many interesting studies about sex published this year.

1. People’s sex drives responded to the pandemic in a variety of ways.

When much of the world went into lockdown in March to stave off the spread of the virus, some early research found our collective libido also seemed to creak to a halt. One study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in May found that since the pandemic kicked off, 60% of British adults reported not having sex or even masturbating at least weekly.

But another study published in the International Journal of Gynecology & Obstetrics found women were actually having more sex—and generally felt more sexual desire—in the early months of the pandemic. That said, the quality of sex had gotten worse for women, with researchers finding a “significant deterioration” in women’s sexual functioning, which includes things like arousal, lubrication, and ability to orgasm.

Together, these diverging studies suggest there are many different ways the pandemic has affected sex, which dovetails with what sex therapists have been telling us about the complex relationship between stress and libido. For some people, stress can tank your sex drive—but for others, sex can be a go-to stress reliever.

2. There’s a link between gratitude and good sex.

Gratitude practices might have some sexual benefits for people in relationships, according to a study published in the Social Psychological and Personality Science journal. Researchers found that both feeling gratitude and receiving gratitude in your relationship tended to make people care more about their partner’s pleasure—which in turn tended to lead to better sex for both parties. Why? When a person feels grateful for their partner (and their partner is showing appreciation for them), they’re likely to want to invest more into all the things that keep the relationship healthy and happy—including good sex.

3. You can smell when a woman is aroused.

Apparently, the experience of arousal comes with a certain scent—and it’s one that other people might be able to pick up. A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that men could tell the difference between women who were sexually aroused and women who weren’t, all just by smelling their sweat. Previous research has indeed found that other emotional states—like sadness and fear—also have identifiable scents, aka “chemosignals.” According to this latest study, sexual arousal seems to be no different.

4. There are two types of low sexual desire among women.

In a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers surveyed over 500 women in long-term relationships to try to identify a typology of desire. They found women struggling with low sexual desire can be categorized into one of two distinct groups: “globally distressed women” and “sexually dissatisfied women.” Globally distressed women had low sexual desire relative to other women, but they were also dealing with very low relationship satisfaction and high overall life stress. In comparison, sexually dissatisfied women also had relatively low sexual desire, but they had more normal levels of relationship satisfaction and life stress—suggesting their issues were contained to the bedroom.

“It is possible that women with low sexual desire share a similar outcome but have followed unique trajectories to get to this point,” the researchers write in the paper on their findings, suggesting that there needs to be a more nuanced approach to supporting women based on what type of low sexual desire they’re experiencing.

5. One in 4 women want a good sex life after menopause.

Contrary to what may still be popular belief, plenty of women over 40 continue to care about having a good sex life. A study presented at the 2020 Virtual Annual Meeting of the Normal American Menopause Society found 45% of women believe sex is important early in midlife, and 27% of women believe sex continues to be highly important throughout midlife.

“Studies like these provide valuable insights to health care providers who may otherwise dismiss a woman’s waning sexual desire as a natural part of aging,” NAMS medical director Stephanie Faubion, M.D., MBA, said in a news release. “Often there are other treatable reasons, such as vaginal dryness or depression, as to why a woman’s interest in sex may have decreased.”

6. Viewing sex as an exchange of favors tends to backfire.

While no one would fault you for caring about fairness in the bedroom, psychologists have found that viewing sex as an exchange of benefits between partners may actually make sex feel less intimate and more transactional.

“When people endorse exchange norms, they give benefits with the expectation of receiving equal or comparable benefits in return and are concerned with keeping track of benefits to keep things even between partners,” researchers wrote in a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior this year.

That study found couples who use this approach to sex tended to be less committed to each other, had more negative sexual interactions, and generally seemed to have less satisfying sex when compared to couples whose approach to sex was more about giving pleasure just to give. The researchers also found people with a more avoidant attachment style (aka people who tend to avoid intimacy) were more likely to have that exchange approach.

7. Growing up with unavailable parents can affect your sex life as an adult.

People who grew up with neglectful or unavailable parents tend to have more sexual difficulties, according to a study published in the International Journal of Sexual Health. That included less satisfying sex, more sexual dysfunction, and negative feelings around sex. Why? Growing up with unavailable parents makes a person more likely to have a less stable sense of self, the researchers found. A child’s interactions with their parents are what help them develop a “rich and coherent sense of self,” they write, and it’s also how they learn to feel secure in who they are and what they need from others.

“The development of the child’s sense of self and the child’s understanding of their own and others’ mental states could be thought of as essential skills for a positive and healthy sexuality later on,” the researchers write in the paper on their findings. “These results suggest that, years after having experienced neglect from attachment figures, it can still influence a person’s sexual life through its repercussions on impaired identity.”

8. Sex talk can buoy the sex lives of couples with depression.

We’ve known that depression (and antidepressants) can both reduce a person’s sex drive, and couples in which one or both partners have depression can find themselves avoiding sex because of all the other relationship challenges they face. But a study published in the Communication Research journal found just talking about sex as a couple can offset those negative effects of depression.

A lot of past research has found sexual communication is key to good sex, and for couples with depression, talking about sexual desires, challenges, and solutions together is particularly important to make sure sex doesn’t fall by the wayside.

Complete Article HERE!

12 new sex slang terms you need to know

Working ‘doppelbanger’ into conversation immediately. 

By Sophie Goulopoulos

They say the English language is continuously evolving. And much of that has to do with slang and colloquialisms. Behold, here are 12 new sexy words for your vocabulary.

The word of 2020 might be ‘pandemic’ (which is mighty depressing), but we’ve stumbled upon some spicy new slang words, too, which is a considerably more enjoyable topic.

With some insight from our friends at LoveHoney, there’s a whole bunch of new terminology for things you find in the bedroom. You know, adult things.

You’ll want to add these to your vocabulary immediately if not sooner.

Pretty pistachio

A cute name for the lovely clitoris, mother of pleasure. With over 8,000 nerve-endings in the tip of the clitoris alone, this little nut is immeasurably satisfying to crack. Like having to pry open each pistachio individually, the effort is worth it.

Fifth base

We’ve all heard of bases 1-4 right, but what’s fifth base? Fifth base, also known as deep diving, is a more incognito way of saying anal sex.

Like what you see? Sign up to our bodyandsoul.com.au newsletter for more stories like this.

Playing the flute

You’re either thinking of Michelle from American Pie or Ron Burgundy playing the “yazz flute” in Anchorman. Both are pretty sensual, if we’re being honest. In either case, this is a new way to say blowjob.

Doppelbanger

You know when you’ve had a couple of glasses of wine and you realise that person making eyes at you looks like Shawn Mendes? Who could blame you for wanting to fulfill a celebrity fantasy? A dopplebanger is someone you have sex with because they look like someone else.

Finger painting

Paints a picture, huh? A creative, relaxing, joyful and uses your digits. Finger painting is another term for female masturbation.

Eating the peach

In the world of media, fruit is a popular G-rated representation of genitalia, and you can see why because they really, really look like vaginas.

‘Eating the peach’ is a prettier way of saying: oral sex performed on a woman. This is a gentle, sensual motion of licking the vulva and clit.

Five knuckle shuffle

Yet another term for men’s masturbation, like we needed another one. This one is kinda funny though, we encourage you to use it often. File it next to “spanking the monkey” and “shaking hands with the milkman”.

Postboned

You know when you’re running late because of an unexpected sexual encounter? Yeah. This is fun to say. We like this one a lot. Please work it into conversation as much as you can.

Queening

One of our favourites, queening is a fancy way of saying ‘sitting on someone’s face’ (and telling you that you love them. Monty Python reference? No?). Think of ‘queening’ as a queen sitting on her pleasure throne.

Rusty trombone

One to pretty easily visualise, a rusty trombone is the act of performing a hand job and a rim job simultaneously. The giver looks like they’re playing the trombone.

Sissy play

Sissy play is a form of power-play used to enhance BDSM scenes to create a strong power dynamic and relies on gender stereotypes to work.

Generally speaking, a submissive man emasculates himself and takes on personality traits or roles usually associated with women, for example, the role of a maid.

As always, both parties should consent before taking part in any BDSM activities.

Toygasm

Sex toy sales are way up this year, with social distancing meaning everyone’s spending more time on their own. So it’s understandable that intense, jaw-clenching blended orgasm you get from the Rabbit vibrator would have its own word.

Complete Article HERE!

The Woman Who Taught Us Pleasure

Remembering Betty Dodson, the pioneering sex educator.

By

Betty Dodson, the pioneering sexologist, educator, and author, died in New York City on Saturday. She was 91 years old.

Dodson built her career around educating women in the art self-pleasure. In the 1970s, she began hosting masturbation workshops in her Manhattan apartment, in which women got naked, examined one another’s vulvas and then practiced pleasuring themselves with a vibrator. (Or, as Dodson put it last year when asked what happens in her workshops: “Everyone gets off.”)

She was inspired to start the workshops, she said, after attending several orgies and realizing that even the most freewheeling, sex-positive women often struggled to orgasm. Effective masturbation, she believed, was a form of liberation for women, a way for them to learn to prioritize their own sexual experience and reduce their dependence on men. As she wrote in her 2010 memoir, Sex by Design: The Betty Dodson Story, “Instinct told me that sexual mobility was the same as social mobility. Men had it and women didn’t.”

Born in Wichita, Kansas, on August 24, 1929, Dodson moved to New York when she was 20 to pursue a career as an artist. She was briefly married to an advertising executive, but the two were sexually incompatible; she was “not orgasmic” with him, she once told Salon. Dodson said her sexual shame and dissatisfaction led her to start drinking heavily. After her divorce in 1965, she got sober, and, according to the New York Times, it was in Alcoholics Anonymous that she met a man who, she said, taught her about self-pleasure and would remain one of her sexual partners until his death in 2008.

Dodson’s own sexuality was fluid. She described herself as “heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian.” Her attitude toward men, the Times noted in a profile of her earlier this year, was occasionally dismissive. “Men are so two-dimensional,” she said. “If there is anything interesting about them, it’s because of the women they’ve been with.” There were exceptions, though. She recalled with fondness, for example, Eric Wilkinson, the man she lived with for over a decade when she was in her 70s and he was in his 20s. “He was so beautiful. He had the perfect body, broad shoulders, good-size genitals, and tight bones.”

Gruff, blunt, and wickedly funny, Dodson’s teachings have been hugely influential in how women’s sexual health and pleasure are discussed today. Her book Sex for One has been translated into over 25 languages; her self-pleasure workshops are taught by “bodysex leaders,” as they are known, around the world; and she even worked as an adviser for New York’s popular Museum of Sex. “Betty had it all,” Annie Sprinkle, the 1970s porn star turned sex educator, who was a student of Dodson’s, told the Times. “She popularized the clitoris and clitoral orgasms, and gave the clitoris celebrity status.”

But even if the conversation around female pleasure has come a long way from where it was when Dodson was first attending orgies, there’s still a long way to go. Consider her appearance last year on The Goop Lab, Netflix’s docuseries about Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle company. In an episode called “The Pleasure Is Ours,” Dodson preaches how important it is that women “run the fuck,” and she makes Paltrow’s cheeks blush the same shade of millennial pink as the couch she’s sitting on. She also corrects Paltrow’s terminology. When the Goop founder boasts that “vaginas” are her favorite subject, Dodson cuts her off. “The vagina’s the birth canal only,” she says firmly. “You wanna talk about the vulva, which is the clitoris and the inner lips and all that good shit around it.”

It’s a telling moment. Paltrow is a woman who advances and profits from the notion of female pleasure by peddling expensive jade yoni eggs and a candle that supposedly smells like her vagina. (Did she mean vagina or vulva? I guess we don’t know.) But she’s iffy on the specifics of female anatomy, and a comment about women “running the fuck” makes her blush. Clearly, Dodson’s message of open and honest communication around female sexual pleasure is as relevant today as it was when she hosted her first masturbation workshop in the 1970s.

As for her own pleasure, Dodson never stopped enjoying it. As she told the Cut back in 2011, when she was 83: “Last month, I had a knockout [orgasm]. I went, ‘Whoa, girl. You still got it.’”

Complete Article HERE!