Category Archives: Sex In The News

Thou Shalt Not

Name: Lynn
Gender: Female
Age: 36
Location: Toronto
I’m a mother of three great kids. My oldest, who is in middle school, went to camp for the first time this past summer. A local church group sponsors the camp every year. When my husband and I asked him about his time away from home, he said rather noncommittally; “It was ok.” He seemed to like it well enough, but you know how uncommunicative kids can be at that stage.
Anyhow, yesterday I was packing away some summer stuff for the winter and discovered a pamphlet in my son’s backpack that he used at camp. It was for an “Abstinence Only” program. It was full of the most dreadful sex-negative fear and shame. It was awful. We are not raising our kids like that; my husband and I were appalled.
Now we’re wondering if this is why our son was so unenthusiastic about his camp experience. Do you think we should quiz him on this?
What gives with this kind of indoctrination anyway? I thought that those “Abstinence Only” programs had been discredited.

So wait; are you sayin’ that you think just because a social engineering strategy, like abstinence-only, has been debunked that it wouldn’t still be employed by certain factions of our culture? Oh hun, I think you oughta rethink that supposition right away, don’t cha know.abstinence_only-1

I mean, come on! There are loads of outdated and discredited philosophies still being promulgated as a means to ensnare the uninformed and gullible. I don’t know about ya’ll up there in Canadaville, but here in Amercanski land we have a whole segment of our population who believes that creationism as a viable explanation for the universe. In fact, one or another of these idiots runs for national office, even for President of these here United States, as a Republican in every election cycle.

So, as you can see, there’s not necessarily a connection between what has been discredited and what is still wildly popular in some segments of our population.

Way back in the spring of 2007, a long-awaited congressionally funded national study concluded that abstinence-only sex education does not keep teenagers from having sex. Nor does it increase the likelihood that, if they do have sex, they will use a condom.

Authorized by Congress in 1997, the study followed 2000 children from elementary and middle school into high school. The children lived in four communities — two urban, two rural. All of the children received the family life services available in their community; in addition, slightly more than half of them also received abstinence-only education.

By the end of the study, when the average child was just shy of 17, half of both groups had remained abstinent. The sexually active teenagers had sex the first time at about age 15. Less than a quarter of them, in both groups, reported using a condom every time they had sex. More than a third of both groups had two or more partners.

So if abstinence-only programs don’t work, at least the way they are supposed to; why do we still have them? Ahhh, good question. We still have them because for a large segment of the population, especially those who are makin’ all them babies, it’s easier to just tell their kids “NO” than to step up to the plate and educate their kids about sex in a wholesome and holistic way.

Bennett editorial cartoonAnother problem is that the word abstinence often means something quite different to kids than it does to adults. That’s one reason why abstinence-only programs do not have strong effects in preventing teenage sexual activity. At least that’s what a University of Washington study found.

The researchers found that interventions that encourage abstinence treat abstinence and sexual activity as opposites. Teenagers, on the other hand, don’t consider them to be mutually exclusive concepts. Like in the congressionally sponsored study, the UW researchers found abstinence-only programs are less likely to work than more comprehensive sex-education programs because they are not speaking the same language as adolescents.

The study also showed that attitudes and intentions about sex were more powerful than attitudes and intentions about being abstinent. No surprise there, I suppose.

Again, I don’t know how things are there in Canada, but down here there is no federal funding for comprehensive sex-education. But there’s a shit-load of funding for abstinence-only programs. Funding mushroomed from $9 million in1997 to $176 million in 2007. Leave it to congress to dump loads of money into a program that doesn’t work. But such is the power of the conservative religious lobby. They are the people who back these programs.

This wouldn’t be such a big issue if it didn’t hold such dire consequences. For example, the United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate among all first-world nations. The rates of sexually transmitted diseases in this country are also astronomical. If we want to keep our young people safe from the negative aspects of casual sex, abstinence-only programs are not the way to go.abstinence

However, more comprehensive programs that include abstinence as one choice are much more likely to have a more productive outcome. Besides, is it ever a good idea to try and motivate people with fear and shame? I don’t think so.

Since abstinence-only programs often only look at the negatives of sex, it doesn’t really empower a young person to take responsibility for his/her behaviors. This is particularly thorny for young women who often bear the brunt the peer pressures to be sexual. And they have way more at stake in terms of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

When kids aren’t expected to take responsibility for their behaviors, especially in terms of sexuality, it cripples their ability to make good life-affirming choices. Abstinence-only programs disqualify all sexual options, even the relatively innocuous behaviors like mutual masturbation and oral sex. So if all sexual options are equally out of bounds, there’s no way for the average kid to distinguish between harmless and risky behaviors. And this is what leads to the high rate of sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancies.

If we want our kids to grow up with healthy and integrated attitudes about sex, ones that will lead to more loving and fulfilling sexual relationships later in life, we ought teach from a more sex-positive theory.

Back to the other question you raise; the one about quizzing your son about his camp experience. I think that would be great. It would let him know that you care, that you don’t support this fear and shame-based approach to human sexuality and that he doesn’t have to embrace it either.

Good Luck

The Erotic Mind of Matthew Stillman — Podcast #395 — 10/21/13


Hey sex fans, welcome back.

I have a truly remarkable show in store for you today. In fact, it’s so unique I don’t even know how to categorize it. I suppose it’s best placed in The Erotic Mind series, but I’m pretty certain we will discover elements of the SEX WISDOM series and even the Sex EDGE-U-cation series too.

But wait, I know what you’re thinking. Hey, Dr Dick, who is this guest of yours, the one who defies categorization? Well, I’ll tell ya; I am delighted to welcome to the show, the incomparable Matthew Stillman.

Matthew is the author of Genesis Defloweredmatthew stillman02. And if you haven’t heard of this book; well, that suggests to me you haven’t been paying attention to the goings on in the popular culture. And that’s because Genesis Deflowered is all the rage these days. Matthew reworked the first book of the bible by adding all the missing sex scenes and he did so while keeping his additions faithful to the literary style of the King James Version. No mean feat that, sex fans, I can assure you.

Matthew and I discuss:
His path to finding the intersection between sex and religion;
The fundamental disconnect between monotheism and sexuality;
The motivation; is it malice or fear;
Being at odds with nature;
The proto-sexual sin — sex = death;
Genesis Deflowered written in the style of the King James Bible;
Tampering with something that ought never be tampered with;
Sexy in a naughty librarian sort of way;
The Book of Jasher and The Book of Genesis;
The story of (beautiful) Joseph and his coat of many colors;
The randy women of Genesis;
Over 500 suggested sexual acts in Genesis alone.

Matthew invites you to follow him on Twitter HERE!

(Click on the cover art below to buy Matthew’s amazing book.)

 Genesis Deflowered Cover MEDIUM

 

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: SPUNK Lube Pink.

DrDicksSexToyAdvice-500x200-Spunk-lube-pink

More Sex EDGE-U-cation with Kathy Labriola — Podcast #394 — 10/16/13


Hey sex fans, welcome back.

Author, educator, counselor, nurse and hypnotherapist, the delightful Kathy Labriola is back with us for Part 2 of her k2outdoorappearance on this the Sex EDGE-U-cation show.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of our chat, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #393 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Kathy and I discuss:

  • Autonomy vs. intimacy;
  • Love In Abundance; A Counselor’s Advice on Open Relationships;
  • Being a card-caring bisexual;
  • Advocating for poly rights, but not universal polyamory;
  • The role the internet plays in building the poly community;
  • The fallacy that people are repressed into monogamy;
  • Serial adultery and the myth of life-long monogamy;
  • Tips for coming out as poly;
  • The people who inspire her and her sexual heroes.

 

You’ll find lots of information about Kathy on her fantastic website HERE!

Click on the book art below to check out Kathy’s books.

Jealousy WorkbookLove in Abundance

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

drdickvod.jpg

Book Review: The Gospel of Kink

by: Sophia Sky

The Gospel of Kink is the newest book by Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS, a Clinical Sexologist in private practice here in Seattle, providing Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years. Richard is often known for his thought provoking podcasts via his website, Dr. Dick’s Sex Advice. Ever since he told us here at the Foundation that he was working on this book, we have been eagerly awaiting this new treatise.Gospel of Kink

And we weren’t disappointed! In the forward, he spends some time explaining his choice of word for the title, eloquently explaining the root meaning of “gospel” is “good news”, thereby priming us with the idea that our personal truths are our gospel.

The book is written as a “workshop in a book” which is similar to a workbook where you go through various self-awareness exercises intended to encourage self discovery. What is different about The Gospel of Kink is the group of fictional participants that go through these exercises with you. This is approach allows you to make personal connections with the participants, just you do with characters in a book. You have the same chances to empathize, be irritated and gain understanding through their process of self discovery.

foundation for sex positive cultureThese exercises are simple and common, with the added twists that are necessary to make them fully relevant to those in kinky, lifestyle or alt sex relationships. I am very impressed by the ways that Dr. Dick subtly offers “extra credit” assignments via his characters taking initiative to expand the exercises or seeking out addition exercises on their own. I found myself think “Ooo! I should do that, too!” as opposed to feeling resistant about “more work” or guilty that I didn’t do all the exercises.

The Foundation is very proud to invite you to meet Dr. Dick and his panel of alt sex experts this Saturday. You will have a chance to buy his book and get it signed by all the contributors after a short workshop, based on this new book. Since this is a book release party we will have red velvet cake and refreshments to celebrate.

The workshop at 3pm is $10, and the book signing starting at 4:30pm is free. For those in need, there is a discount code that can be used for online purchases. Just type in E8F3Y in the promo code field at check out.

Full Review HERE!

More SEX WISDOM With Katherine Frank — Podcast #387 — 08/21/13


Hey sex fans! Welcome back.K Frank

Kate’s back! That’s Dr Katherine Frank, cultural anthropologist, sex researcher and noted author, to you guys, don’t cha know. And this is the SEX WISDOM show.

So Kate and I got such an amazing response after last week’s episode that I could hardly contain myself for her return today. And I’ll just bet she’ll be bringing us more of her signature candor and insight.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this show, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #386 and Voilà! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Katherine and I discuss:

  • Gender power dynamics in group sex;
  • Differences between gay and straight group sex etiquette;
  • Sexual taboos may still apply;
  • The mainstream and the fringe;
  • Disgust, shame and guilt;
  • Sexual transgressions and transcendence;
  • Strings and Sympathy: Strip Club Regulars and Male Desire;
  • Sex work is labor;
  • Sex as barter;
  • Double standards;
  • Sex worker rights;
  • Those who inspire her.

Katherine invites you to visit her on her site HERE!

Click on the book covers below for more information about Katherine’s books.

g-String          plays well

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

drdickvod.jpg

SEO Powered by Platinum SEO from Techblissonline
Get Adobe Flash player