Hey California Sex Fans!
Fair is Fair.
Don’t screw up this opportunity to
DO THE RIGHT THING.
Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, the Republican vice-presidential nominee not only opposes a woman’s right to choose, nixes comprehensive sex education in favor of “Abstinence Only”, but now we discover that she cut funding for teen moms.
“Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, the Republican vice-presidential nominee who revealed Monday that her 17-year-old daughter is pregnant, earlier this year used her line-item veto to slash funding for a state program benefiting teen mothers in need of a place to live.” —Washington Post
What if other parents don’t buy this shit. What if they think preparing their kids for the eventual responsibilities of adulthood, which includes sexuality, is not a bad thing.
Sarah Palin’s unwed daughter will no doubt receive all the benefits a well-positioned family can provide. Not so the daughters of everyone else.
What pisses me off the most is the double standard. For everyone else’s kids — no choice, no clear unambitious information about human sexuality in school…and if you get in trouble, because you don’t have a choice or you are uninformed…no help from your government.
I don’t generally do this, but the timing couldn’t be better on this. Monday’s podcast, #78, included my response to a message I recieved from a mother of three in Toronto. The timely nature of Lynn’s question compels me to print it in full here.
I’m a mother of three great kids. My oldest, who is in middle school, went to camp for the first time this summer. A local church group sponsors the camp every year. When my husband and I asked him about his time away from home, he said rather noncommittally; “It was ok.” He seemed to like it well enough, but you know how uncommunicative kids can be at that stage.
Anyhow, yesterday I was going through some laundry from his camp outing and discovered a pamphlet in the pocket of his pants. It was for an “Abstinence Only” program. It was full of the most sex-negative fear and shame. It was awful. We are not raising our kids like that; my husband and I were appalled.
Now we’re wondering if this is why our son was so unenthusiastic about his camp experience. Do you think we should quiz him on this?
What gives with this kind of indoctrination anyway? I thought that those “Abstinence Only” programs had been discredited.
So wait, wait, wait; are you thinking that just because a social engineering strategy, like abstinence-only, has been debunked that it wouldn’t still be employed by certain factions of our culture? Oh hun, I think you oughta rethink that supposition right away, don’t cha know.
I mean, come on! There are loads of outdated and discredited philosophies being promulgated in an effort to ensnare the uninformed and gullible. I don’t know about ya’ll there in Canadaville, but here in Amercanski land we have a whole segment of our population who believes in creationism as a viable explanation for the universe. In fact, one was just nominated to be Vice President for the Republican party. D’oh!
So, as you can see, there is no necessary connection between what has been discredited and what is still wildly popular in some segments of the population.
Back in the spring of 2007, a long-awaited congressionally funded national study concluded that abstinence-only sex education does not keep teenagers from having sex. Nor does it increase or decrease the likelihood that if they do have sex, they will use a condom. (Attention: Governor Palin!)
Authorized by Congress in 1997, the study followed 2000 children from elementary and middle school into high school. The children lived in four communities — two urban, two rural. All of the children received the family life services available in their community; in addition, slightly more than half of them also received abstinence-only education.
By the end of the study, when the average child was just shy of 17, half of both groups had remained abstinent. The sexually active teenagers had sex the first time at about age 15. Less than a quarter of them, in both groups, reported using a condom every time they had sex. More than a third of both groups had two or more partners.
So if abstinence-only programs don’t work, at least the way they are supposed to; why do we still have them? Ahhh, good question. We still have them because for a large segment of the population, especially those who are makin all these babies, it’s easier to just say “NO” than to step up to the plate and educate their kids about sex in a wholesome and holistic way.
Another problem is that the word abstinence often means something quite different to kids than it does to adults. That’s one reason why abstinence-only programs do not have strong effects in preventing teenage sexual activity. At least that’s what a recent University of Washington study found.
The researchers found that interventions that encourage abstinence treat abstinence and sexual activity as opposites. Teenagers, on the other hand, don’t consider them to be mutually exclusive concepts. Like in the congressionally sponsored study, the UW researchers found abstinence-only programs are less likely to work than more comprehensive sex-education programs because they are not speaking the same language as adolescents.
The study showed that attitudes and intentions about sex were more powerful than attitudes and intentions about being abstinent. No surprise there, I suppose.
Again, I don’t know how things are there in Canada, but down here there is no federal funding for comprehensive sex-education. But there’s a shit-load of funding for abstinence-only programs. Funding has mushroomed from $9 million in1997 to $176 million in 2007. Leave it to the current administration to dump loads of money into a program that doesn’t work. But such is the power of the conservative religious lobby. They are the people who back these programs.
This wouldn’t be such a big issue if it didn’t hold such dire consequences. For example, the United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate among all first-world nations. The rates of sexually transmitted diseases in this country are also astronomical. If we want to keep our young people safe from the negative aspects of casual sex, abstinence-only programs are not the way to go.
However, more comprehensive programs that include abstinence as one choice are much more likely to have a more productive outcome. Besides, is it ever a good idea to try and motivate behaviors out of fear and shame? I don’t think so.
Since abstinence-only programs often only look at the negatives of sex, it doesn’t really empower a young person to take responsibility for his/her behaviors. This is particularly thorny for young women who often bear the brunt the peer pressures to be sexual. And they have way more at stake in terms of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
When kids aren’t expected to take responsibility for their behaviors, especially in terms of sexuality, it cripples their ability to make good life-affirming choices. Abstinence-only programs disqualify all sexual options, even the relatively innocuous behaviors like mutual masturbation and oral sex. So if all sexual options are equally out of bounds, there’s no way for the average kid to distinguish between harmless and risky behaviors. And this is what leads to the high rate of sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancies.
If we want our kids to grow up with healthy and integrated attitudes about sex, ones that will lead to loving and fulfilling sexual relationship later in life, we ought teach from a more sex-positive theory.
Back to the other question you raise; the one about quizzing your son about his camp experience. I think that would be great. It would let him know that you care, that you don’t support this fear and shame-based approach to human sexuality and that he doesn’t have to embrace it either.
First of all, sorry for my bad english, I’m foriener. I live in Cambodia and sometime in Thailand. I really has a big problem, I’m so afraid of getting HIV. Last week I went to have an oil massage service in cambodia. The massager offered me a speacial service, using her naked body to rubb or grind all over my body. Not intend to have an unprotected sex, so she just gave me a hand job. No any outercourse activities were performed. Only her outer vagina accidently touch (contact) to my penis just 2-3 second when she got up off my body. I think she may be have or may be not have any vagina secretion or other fluied. But I still worried of getting and hiv if her outer vagina touched to the tip of my penis . So, here is my question 1. Do I have any risk or chance of getting an hiv? 2.Should I have to worried? Or do I have to get blood test? I’m really sure that no any insertion penis to the vagina, no intercourse, just accidently “touch” for 2-3 second. All comments are worth for me. Please give me your opinion.
If you are accurately describing what happened between you and the sexually aggressive masseuse, then I don’t think you have anything to worry about in terms of HIV transmission. Were you able to wash up after the event? A little soap and water is always helpful. There is virtually no chance that an accidental brushing of your cock on her pussy lips is gonna give you HIV. So relax, dude!
That being said, I suggest you get tested anyway; and here’s why. I am of the mind that all sexually active people should test for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections regularly…at least twice a year. All you sexual athletes out there should test every other month. You shouldn’t even think about it, you should just do it. It is painless, discreet, but most importantly, it’s the responsible thing to do. If you make it part of your lifestyle, then there’ll be no embarrassment associated with the trip to your doctor or the local clinic. Make this happen, people!
Location: Salt Lake City
I travel a lot for work and often get really lonely on long trips. I’m not much for going to bars, because I don’t drink. And the idea of looking for sex in a bathhouse or sex club, or worse in the bushes, really puts me off. Lately I’ve been thinking I should just hire an escort, but I wouldn’t even know what to do. This must be a pretty common phenomenon thought because I see tons of ads for escorts on line in every city I go to. Any suggestions on how someone new at this might proceed?
Sure darlin’, I have a load of suggestions.
I presume you’ve ordered out for food on occasion while you travel for business, right? Finding a satisfying “order out” sexual adventure is not fundamentally different than that. In the case of an escort, the commodities are charming company, erotic massage, and perhaps a little sex; instead of potstickers, mu shu pork and Kung Pao Chicken.
As you know, not all order out is created equal. There is bad food and unsavory escorts. So you’re gonna need to do some homework. You already know there are loads of escort or rent-boy sites on the net. There are also several review sites, where customers of the providers leave their comments regarding levels of satisfaction and the like. Most escorts out there, particularly the really good ones, immediately call your attention to the reviews they receive. This is a good policy for both provider and consumer alike. It’s like having the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval stamped on your ass.
I have a sense that some of my readers are turning up their nose at this discussion. I often hear from folks that they don’t have to PAY for sex. Oh yeah? Here’s the thing, sex fans; no sex is free. There may not be direct commerce in hard cold cash, but there’s a commercial aspect to all sex…even, or should I say especially, in marriage. So if we could jettison the moral high-horse thing, right about now, I’d appreciate it.
Ok, so now that we have that out of the way, we can get back to your question, Gabe. Once you’ve decided to proceed, start by interviewing a few working boys. This can initially be done via email. Ask for further information about his services and rates. Many escorts have more photos of themselves available to be sent to prospective clients; so you might respectfully request those. If at all possible, include a photo of yourself, or at the very least an accurate description of yourself.
In all communication with the service provider, NEVER suggest that you are offering money for sex. In most jurisdictions that’s against the law. While we all know that the client hopes to get laid in the encounter, the money exchanged is not for the sex. Rather it’s for the provider’s time, company and expertise. This may sound like splitting hairs and maybe it is. But in this arrangement, if sex actually happens, consenting adults are mutually agreeing to it during the prearranged time together.
Curiously enough, many of the sex professionals I know, and I know a lot of ‘em, tell me that a sizable portion of their clientele only want their company and companionship. Outright sex never enters the equation.
Finding the right escort for you is your task. Know what you want and know how to ask for it. Don’t waste your time or that of the provider by beating around the bush. If you are new at this, say so. The rent-boy, if he’s any good at all, will be familiar with this territory and help you though the initial conversation.
There are different levels of pros out there; each will have his own fee structure for services provided. If you’re looking for something kinky, be ready to pay lots more. Never try to haggle with the provider. If he’s out of your price range, move along. Or you could simply come right out with it and say, “Listen, I have X amount of money to spend and I’m looking for some delightful company. Are you available?” This way you let the provider decide if he has the time to spare at the discounted rate. You’d be a fool not to insist on safe-sex, but there’s a shit-load of fools out there.
Not all sex workers are prostitutes because they want to be. Some are supporting a drug habit, some are working their way though college. For some it’s survival sex. For others it’s acting out behavior. But most guys turn pro because they’re good at what they do. And most enjoy the accompanying lifestyle. The truly successful provider will have a string of regulars, men they have a somewhat more intimate connection with. Kinda like finding a great Chinese restaurant and becoming a regular there. The proprietor may just offer you something not found on the menu as a way of acknowledging your preferred customer status. Get it?
Some Johns, use the service of an agency — think Elliot Spitzer. Sometimes that can be a more reliable way to go at first. However, I am of the mind that the hard-working independent entrepreneur is best.
When arranging an outcall to your hotel, there may be an additional surcharge for traveling time and transportation — think gas prices. This should be agreed upon before the deal is struck.
Most independent escorts offer both incalls as well as outcalls. They usually work out of their home or apartment and many of these escorts have day jobs. Some independent escorts also work in the porn industry. If this floats your boat, you will definitely pay a premium for a date with a star.
You’ll also find among the independent providers that unique phenomenon — Gay For Pay. These guys are ostensibly “straight”…and I put that word in quotes and use it very lightly. GFP guys have gay sex with gay men for money. In the old days, we used to refer to them as trade. And as we in the business say, “today’s trade is tomorrow’s competition;” if you catch my drift.
At any rate, like I said at the beginning, a wise and informed consumer is happy and satisfied consumer.
Location: valparaiso, florida
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year we have always had frontal sex and last night we had anal sex does this mean there is a change in his feelings in our relationship or just to try something different?
Since I am of the mind that anal sex is a natural variation of human sexual expression, which is enjoyed by loads and loads of people all over the world, I suspect that your boyfriend was just trying something different. I wouldn’t read too much into it if I were you. However, the only way to know for sure is ask him outright.
What’s so curious about your message is that you say absolutely nothing about your response to this new sex play. Did it come as a surprise? Is it safe to assume you were the bottom during this little adventure? Was this a new experience for you? Did you enjoy it? Gosh, seems to me you have lots to talk about with the BF, right? I mean, if I’m curious as all get-out about your reactions, and I don’t even know you; imagine how interested he must be in hearing from you. Why he doesn’t just ask is beyond me.
One thing I’d love to know is, if you bottomed this time, is there a chance he’ll bottom for you in the future? Pegging (you know, you with a strap-on or a SHARE) is all the rage these days. In fact, in my private practice I often see straight men who are curious about ass play…their ass. But they’re afraid to bring up the topic of pegging with their girlfriends or wives, because they think the women might think they’ve turned queer. That simply isn’t the case. One of the suggestions I often make to my butt-curious male clients is that they initiate anal sex with their female partners…the chick as the bottom. Then if that goes well, they could suggest that their partner pleasure their bum in just the same way.
I know it’s kind of a roundabout way of asking for what you want, but it often gets the job done.
In honor of gay pride month, a little sex history lesson — The Stonewall Riots
The confrontations between demonstrators and police at The Stonewall Inn, a mafia owned bar in Greenwich Village NYC over the weekend of June 27-29, 1969 are usually cited as the beginning of the modern Lesbian/Gay liberation Movement. What might have been just another routine police raid on a bar patronized by homosexuals became the pivotal event that sparked the entire modern gay rights movement.
The Stonewall riots are now the stuff of myth. Many of the most commonly held beliefs are probably untrue. But here’s what we know for sure.
The riots led to calls for homosexual liberation. Fliers appeared with the message: “Do you think homosexuals are revolting? You bet your sweet ass we are!” And the rest, boys and girls, is as they say is history.
During the first year after Stonewall, a whole new generation of organizations emerged, many identifying themselves for the first time as “Gay.” This not only denoted sexual orientation, but a radical way to self-identify with a growing sense of open political activism. Older, more staid homophile groups soon began to make way for the more militant groups like the Gay Liberation Front.
The vast majority of these new activists were under thirty; dr dick’s generation, don’t cha know. We were new to political organizing and didn’t know that this was as ground-breaking as it was. Many groups formed on colleges campuses and in big cities around the world.
By the following summer, 1970, groups in at least eight American cities staged simultaneous events commemorating the Stonewall riots on the last Sunday in June. The events varied from a highly political march of three to five thousand in New York to a parade with floats for 1200 in Los Angeles. Seven thousand showed up in San Francisco.
Finally, HAPPY FATHER’S DAY! all you hot daddies.