Category: ENRICHMENT

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Sex And Intimacy In The Generative AI Era

By Bernard Marr

Sex and technology have long been intertwined – millions of us use dating apps to find partners, and some of the earliest commercial online activity revolved around pornography.

So, it’s not surprising that generative AI – technology that enables computers to create realistic, lifelike content in many forms – is already creating new avenues for exploring digital sex and intimacy.

From chatbots and image generators to AI-enabled sex toys and even lifelike, functional robots, new opportunities for exploring intimacy and fantasy are quickly becoming a reality.

Of course, this raises some important ethical questions. How will this explosion of possibilities reshape our perceptions and attitudes of such fundamentally human experiences as sex? What is the role of consent when we involve intelligent machines in our intimate lives? And what might the impact of developing sexual relationships with technology be on our emotional and psychological well-being?

AI-Powered Intimacy And Relationships

Virtual influencers are widely used by brands to promote and sell products, but today, they are also regularly selling sex. OnlyFans rival Fanvue hosts virtual models – who also promote themselves on Instagram – offering adult content and chat to a growing fanbase.

Sika Moon is one such model, with over 300,000 followers. Other sites like Candy.ai, DreamGF and VirtualGF let users create their own virtual girlfriends that will then engage in explicit chat with them and even send revealing pictures of themselves. When I spoke to them a while back, the people behind DreamGF (men, unsurprisingly!) said that they are getting ready to take this to the next level with AI-generated video.

As well as virtual influencers that exist entirely in the digital realm, these sites also offer real live models the chance to create AI versions of themselves that will handle the time-consuming work of chatting to fans for them.

While virtual partners can happily exist in the digital world, some are already doing their best to bring them into the physical world. Sex robots have been in development for a long time, and while they haven’t yet made it to market, models like Harmony are getting close. While the development of these robots initially focused on replicating the “look and feel” of human beings, the advent of generative AI means they are now being equipped with personalities of their own.

Interestingly, Dr Kate Devlin, author of Turned On: Science, Sex and Robots, says that her research shows potential buyers are just as interested in the companionship that these robots offer as they are in the sexual possibilities.

For dating app users who are fed up with being ghosted, Flure has come up with a solution. Their AI, Anna, is “always on” and promises to give each user her undivided attention. This allows users to exchange an unlimited number of messages and pictures, all personalized to their own taste.

Generative AI is also making its way into sex toys. Manufacturer Lovense has created the ChatGPT Pleasure Companion, which is capable of narrating erotic tales based on its users’ preferences while in use.

It’s even been reported that a growing number of people are identifying as “digisexuals”. This means that their sexuality is primarily defined by their use of technology- be it online pornography or cybersex.

The Ethics Of AI Sex

All of this clearly shows us that human sexuality is evolving alongside technology – just like every other aspect of our lives is.

But is it all harmless fun? It’s easy to see that some people might become dependent on virtual or AI-based relationships to the detriment of their ability to form bonds with real humans.

This could cause problems if we consider that AI partners have the potential to be very personalized and compelling. Programmed purely to please and perfectly in tune with their users’ specific desires, they could become very addictive, and some people might find themselves feeling that they are falling in love or becoming dependent on their AI partner.

Another issue is that the ease with which AI can fulfill fantasies means that these simulated, virtual experiences could easily distort expectations of real-life sex and intimacy. Once someone is used to an AI partner that always puts them first, how will they feel about having to take a human partner’s needs and feelings into consideration? Just like how early exposure to pornography has been shown to impact expectations of sexual relationships, this could be particularly concerning when we are talking about young people with limited experience of interpersonal relationships.

And where does consent figure into all of this? After all, an AI partner can’t say no – or at least, can be programmed never to say no. Does this have the potential to normalize unhealthy or one-sided power dynamics within relationships?

The questions raised by the issue of consent within human/AI relationships must be carefully considered to ensure they don’t compromise our ability to build genuine, human relationships built around reciprocal feelings, desires and respect.

AI And The Future Of Intimacy

The impact of AI on sexuality and intimacy is likely to have far-reaching implications.

Thinking beyond recreational sex, AI has the potential to enable new forms of therapy and sex education. This could help individuals to learn about themselves and perhaps even heal the damage done by negative experiences in a safe, simulated environment.

However, the hyper-real experiences that could soon be available—particularly when we combine technologies like generative AI, robotics and virtual reality—create a need for ethical guardrails that will ensure this is done responsibly.

One thing that’s certain is that sex sells, meaning that businesses will always be happy to provide products and services that fill this niche.

This means we must learn from past experiences, such as the impact that the explosion in the availability of online pornography has had on society.

Crucially, the ethical concerns we’ve identified here have to be proactively addressed to ensure that we establish clear guidelines and minimize the potential for harm as we move into a new era in human sex and relationships.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to Be Submissive

— The AskMen Guide for How to Be Submissive in Bed

By Eve Parsons

When you hear the word “submissive,” what do you think of?

Many people think sexual submissiveness is all about allowing yourself to be (consensually) “punished” or otherwise denigrated, but the reality is much more complicated.

And thanks to either sensationalist or outright false portrayals by movies and pop culture, myths and misinformation continue to abound when it comes to this unique area of sexuality.

In this piece, we spoke to several leading sexperts in the world of BDSM and beyond who know what it means to navigate submissive play time in a healthy, safe way.

So if you’re curious about exploring your submissive side, or wondering what that might look like, read on.

What Is Sexual Submission?

“Sexual submission is a form of power exchange and a way to experience a consensual negotiation of surrendering power or decision-making to another person,” says Mark Cunningham, a licensed marriage and family therapist, AASECT-certified sex therapist, psychedelic therapist and owner of Adaptive Therapy.

Ideally, says Cunningham, these actions are things that are discussed and mutually agreed upon prior to the experience.

“These negotiations define how one person may demand or take action toward another person,” he says.

If that sounds a little vague, it’s in part because submission is a broad concept. BDSM play is not a “one size fits all” or uniform area of sexual expression in the least.

“There is almost no ‘always’ when it comes to BDSM play,” says BDSM educator and author Jay Wiseman.

Being a submissive can thus vary widely depending on what you and your partner agree to.

“Sexual submission can involve the use of props, toys, ropes, nipple clamps, cages, and so much more,” says Cunningham. “Or it can purely be a psychological or behavioral relationship that does not involve any use of items.”

In other words, how you play is all down to you and your partner (or partners).

It’s also important to remember that “submission and kink are not always related to one another,” clarifies Leighanna Nordstrom MA, MFT-C of Break the Mold Therapy. “Kink is about non-normative sexual expression (i.e., trying all the things you didn’t learn about in traditional sex ed); submission is about power and control (i.e., allowing someone to determine how you feel and behave during certain scenarios).”

Meaning, you can be in an otherwise “vanilla” relationship, but still have a little power exchange dynamic in a sexual relationship, or you can use submission as a vehicle to explore various kinks, such as those that often fall under the umbrella of humiliation play.

Being a Sub Isn’t Set in Stone

It can be useful to see “submissive” and “dominant” power dynamics as appetites, instead of hardened identities. (And being a submissive also does not necessarily make one a “bottom” automatically either, contrary to many people’s assumptions — it’s definitely possible to bottom while domming, and vice versa.)

In a tutorial video, the world-renowned sexologist, educator and author Midori discusses the differences between topping and bottoming, and how these terms can work in the context of BDSM power exchange — but can also apply even if you’re more on the vanilla side, too.

“Top is usually the person doing an action — being in charge, doing the tying, doing the spanking, or being physically on top, or going ‘into’ the other person’s body with a finger, tongue, dildo or penis. Top may or may not include being dominant or sadistic,” Midori explains.

“Bottom is the person who is receiving the actions: being spanked, poked, nipple-clamped, penetrated, or following the orders. Bottoming may or may not involve being submissive [all the time] either,” she adds.

Therefore, this is why, as Midori suggests, it always a good idea to ask a current or potential new partner what exactly they mean when they say: “I’m a submissive” or “I’m a bottom” — and really listen to their explanation, because all too often people make the mistake of assuming that expressing sexuality is a uniform experience or undertaking when this is not the case.

Additionally, Midori cautions against assuming that our sexual appetites for how we want to experience sexuality are set in stone: “Sometimes we get really stuck in the idea that ‘I am a top’ or ‘I am a bottom’ [but] don’t narrow yourself, paint yourself into a corner being attached to an identity; these are ‘appetites,’ not identities,” she explains.

As such, it is totally normal for your appetites to change or evolve over time — it’s merely human nature.

As Nordstrom says, “If you’re reading this, you may be developing a new appetite for submission in sex. This could be because your appetite for dominance has been more than sated, or because you have become curious what other possibilities sex could hold if you were to experiment.”

Exploring Sexual Submissiveness & Masculinity

If you’re curious about sexual submission but worried that your sexual partner(s) might see you as less manly if you’re not fulfilling the dominant archetype, that’s understandable. It’s normal to experience anxiety when we crave the acceptance of a partner and are not sure how they will react.

However, if you “zoom out” and look at the bigger picture, you can see where this anxiety is ultimately born from outdated social stigmas and sexist stereotypes of manhood and gender roles.

As Cunningham suggests, ask yourself a question: “First, whose values/definition of masculinity are you using to define your masculinity, and do you agree with that or is this something you have simply adopted without much reflection?”

Cunningham also notes that “many top leaders in positions of power like CEOs, or high-ranking military members for example, are drawn to submissive play because of the freedom, excitement, and healing that they can experience in moving outside of their ‘normal’ mode of operation as a leader or position of power.”

“Sex is a powerful way for us humans to cope and express parts of ourselves that we may struggle to access in our day-to-day lives,” he adds.

In other words, you could be the most powerful man in the world, with days filled with success and conquering, but at night you might find yourself wanting the release of surrendering to a partner who’ll be in control.

Kink and power exchange can be a great, temporary escape from reality and the baggage that comes with the performative roles we all play in mundane society.

In short, you are not “lessened” in the least by wanting to explore submission; being brave enough to admit your true desires and allowing yourself that opportunity means you can be enhanced by a new depth of connection and variety in your sex life.

How to Talk to a Partner About Your Submissive Desires

Ok, I want to explore: What are some ideas for communicating with my partner about my submissive desires and fantasies?

Assuming your breakfast conversation does not get particularly kinky, you might be in need of an “icebreaker” or two. Not to worry! There’s no need to make this terribly complicated or convoluted…

“Having a ‘catalyst event’ for bringing up the conversation can be an easy “in,” says Nordstrom. “You might say, ‘Hey, I was reading this magazine, and it made a suggestion about having positive, playful conversations about sex with your partner. I’d love to try it! Would you?’”

Or, Nordstrom adds, “Instead of springing your newfound submissive appetite onto your partner, consider trying to have a positive conversation about your whole sex life, and work the submissive appetite into the conversation.”

In other words, “zoom out” and share with your partner what you already really enjoy about being with them–and then ask them what they’re enjoying — and would like to try. This way, you both have the opportunity to be and feel heard.

As another “in,” Wiseman also suggests commenting on a book, movie, TV show or other piece of pop culture that depicts a D/s dynamic.

And notwithstanding submissive desires, having an understanding of your partner’s fantasy life can help you to better understand where they are coming from and what might excite them.

Nevertheless, it’s always good to remember that it totally is normal for someone to have sexual fantasies that they do not necessarily want to act out in real life—so never, ever take for granted the need to establish clear consent.

Now, if you and your partner already enjoy open communication about your sex life (yay!), then by all means go ahead with a straightforward Q&A session.

Midori suggests you ask your partner how they would like to feel in a dominant role.

“This isn’t about what toys to use or what you end up doing,” she explains. “This is about the core of [their] pleasure, leading to your hot submission. [Do they] want to feel adored, cruel, gentle, imperious, fickle, selfish, nurturing, powerful, or….? Then ask yourself how you want to feel: surrendered, willful, obedience, devotional, small, strong, enduing, obliterated, vulnerable, or…? And [then] find an overlap of emotional journey in your scene.”

Additionally, give yourself and your partner some grace, especially if you are navigating uncharted waters together.

“It is very common to have fear, uncertainty, confusion and many other challenging feelings in addition to excitement and curiosity when considering submissive exploration,” says Cunningham. “Do your best to name and even journal about your feelings and thoughts and to share these with your play partner so you can feel a greater sense of connection, understanding and ultimately intimacy.”

But remember: this erotic play time should also be a source of unabashed joy and delight; being open to the experience fuels the enthusiasm, Nordstrom says.

“When it comes to trying out any new sexual behavior, I have to remind my clients that sex is play!” she explains. “This means that it may be cumbersome, awkward, messy, confusing, or funny. But it shouldn’t be a job with an expected outcome. Going into new sexual scenarios in a curious mindset opens doors for anything to happen, instead of just focusing on one specific outcome.”

Best Practices for Exploring BDSM Submissiveness

According to Wiseman, good ‘best practices’ include getting adequate education and talking ahead of time about what will occur. In other words, sexual submission is not something you ever do (or expect your partner to do) ‘spontaneously,’ and certainly never under duress.

As with many other pursuits, when you are new to BDSM, it’s best to start slowly, as Nordstrom suggests: “My recommendation when partners are playing around with power dynamics is to always start slow, evaluate how different sexual acts are working, adapt behaviors as needed, and then go deeper into the dom/sub roles.”

“I cannot stress the importance of consent enough,” Nordstrom adds. “Creativity can take over when partners engage in BDSM. That said, it’s still VERY important to check in each time a new idea gets added to the sexual scenario. With consent comes trust (i.e., I believe you will ask me before you do something new to my body AND I believe you will tell me if I’ve done something that went too far).”

Nordstrom continues: “Safe words or actions are vital to any kink/BDSM scenario. Simple, easy to say words are best for safe words. “No” is not a good safe word, because, depending on the intensity of the scene, you may be begging your partner to stop when what you really want is for them to keep going.”

And this is where sexual submission can baffle outsiders.

“The funny thing is that in a power exchange relationship, the person who is in the submissive role is actually in a greater degree of control, because of their prior defining of their soft/hard boundaries and in their ability to create the play scene and rules with the dominant or master partner(s),” Cunningham explains.

As such, it is important to understand that the best BDSM scenes involve mutual collaboration between the submissive and the dominant well ahead of play time. If the power exchange feels one-sided or reluctant, then it’s really not a true exchange and the excitement is lost.

“Kink desires are much like appetites,” Midori says. “Creating a scene with your partner is like planning, cooking, and sharing that meal together. Even when you are surrendering in the scene, the creation is collaborative. Both of you have to like the ingredients and the whole meal for it to be fantastic.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Watch what happens when gay tourists ask Spanish people to translate for them

By Melanie Potter

A real test of someones’ character is how they act when they think no one’s watching. This is exactly why hidden camera social experiments are so poignant.

Unfortunately, these experiments usually produce negative results — but every once in a while, strangers will act so compassionately that it may actually surprise you.

The video, created by Spain’s State Federation of Lesbians, Gays, Transsexuals and Bisexuals, calls on the public to “report homophobic, biphobic and transphobic threats, insults or attacks.”

The premise of the hidden camera social experiment is this: A gay couple from the U.S. are in Spain on vacation and don’t know the language. So they stop people on the streets for directions and to translate this letter, given to them by their hotel owner. To the locals’ shock, the note is filled with homophobic remarks and hatred.

You can see the sadness on these strangers’ faces while reading the homophobic note. One girl, who cannot bring herself to translates what the note actually says, tells them “It’s better if you go to another hostel, because this one is not very good.”

Another man tells the couple, “You go with this to the police, they can close his business.” And a woman, visibly upset, calls the note “disgusting.”

The video, part of a larger campaign to stop homophobic harassment in Spain and beyond, urges victims to report all threats to local authorities.

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What’s Your Kink?

— The nuanced world of BDSM

By Lucy Copp

Carol always knew something was “off” for her during sex.

“At one point I even thought I might have been asexual because I just wasn’t getting what other people would talk about all the time,” she told Larry Mantle on AirTalk, LAist 89.3’s daily news program.

It took Carol a long time to figure out that nothing was wrong with her, she just had a missing kink.

That kink? Spanking.

At 74 years old and 52 years into her marriage, Carol discovered she loves to be spanked.

“It just took a long time to figure this out because my access to computers and things were limited, and I just didn’t know,” she said. “I didn’t have the time to explore me!”

Her husband doesn’t necessarily have the same kink, but that hasn’t stopped him from leaning into his partner’s pleasure.

“He noticed every time we do this, how much happier I am. If I’m cranky or we’re fighting it will change the mood like an instant pill. We have never laughed and joyed and played so much in 52 years than we have this past year,” Carol said.

Kink may not be what you think

Legs in fishnet stocking and tied with knots
The art of Shibari

Kink and BDSM (Bondage-Discipline, Dominance-Submission, Sado-Masochism) conjure up certain images in popular culture. Take the Blockbuster hit 50 Shades of Gray, which delved into fantasies of violent sex in which Christian Grey, a handsome business man, wants his love interest to be submissive. While this is a common kink played out in private spaces, BDSM practitioners were quick to weigh in on all that was missing from the film’s depictions — communication, context, and most importantly, consent.

“We have two dominant paradigms around kink,” said Nora Last, owner of Double Mask Studio, a queer owned and operated Shibari studio located in downtown L.A. Shibari is a type of bondage practice (more on that further down).

A couple paradigms include “a slender guy in a suit and a girl in a dress kneeling in front of him,” or, Last continued, “a conventionally attractive woman in spiked heels and latex.”

“They’re lovely, but we’re really limiting ourselves and not giving ourselves enough credit if we stop imagining there,” said Last.

Finding your kink

A woman hangs from ropes
Nora Last at her studio Devil Mask Studios in DTLA

Kinks come in all styles and flavors. You’ve got your more common asphyxiation kink, also known as “breath play,” to your spitting kink, where two consenting adults enjoy spitting in each others mouths. Suffice to say, kinks run the gamut.

“What if we want to [explore kink] in a cozy onesie? Or outside of the white, hetero roles?” Last said. “If you’ve never seen yourself represented, you might not know how to explore them.”

Like Carol, who discovered her kink for spanking at age 74, many people may have dormant kinks they haven’t yet realized.

“We have never laughed and joyed and played so much in 52 years than we have this past year.”— Carol in Palm Desert

This is something Jean Franzblau experienced. She’s an intimacy coordinator in the entertainment industry who wrote and stars in the one-woman play My Mother Doesn’t Know I’m Kinky.

a woman's headshot
Jean Franzblau

“I was shocked to find out I was a kinky woman,” Franzblau said.

After the end of a relationship, Franzblau said her sexuality “shut down.”

A woman in all black rehearsing for a play
Jean Franzblau performs her play “My Mother Doesn’t Know I’m Kinky”

“When I got out of it, I became dedicated, committed, to exploring for myself and finding my own sexual sovereignty,” she said.

With newly granted self-permission, Franzblau discovered that both sides of the dominance-submission coin were intriguing to her. Her exploration began with submission. When she found a partner interested in dominance, they had the necessary conversations about consent and negotiation.

“I thought I was going to have maybe a titillating experience, maybe I would learn something new,” she said. “Instead, I would consider it a spiritual experience. I wept. There was something in me that needed to surrender.”

For many folks, finding your kink is just the first step. The next step? Finding a safe space and people with whom to express it.

“What if we want to explore kink in a cozy onesie? Or outside of the white, hetero roles? If you’ve never seen yourself represented, you might not know how to explore them.” — Nora Last

Freeing your kink

Today, there are ample spaces that provide safe and playful settings for adults to explore their sexuality. One of those spaces is Nora Last’s studio in Downtown L.A. where the focus is on Shibari, the Japanese art of erotic bondage.

“We define it most broadly as rope bondage,” Last said, “Whether that is for sensation, whether that is for sexual gratification, and that references specific aesthetics and styles coming from Japanese rope bondage.”

Woman in Shibari on the beach
Nora Last on the beach practicing the erotic bondage art of Shibari

Shibari is one of the many styles of kink or eroticism that people can play with — play being the operative word.

“At its core, kink is about creating a container for intimacy. It can be sexual, emotional,” they said. “Creating a container for a focused, specific experience. It’s part of our core human desire.”

A San Francisco-based kink educator named Midori, whom Last admires, writes “BDSM is childhood joyous play, with adult sexual privilege, and cool toys.”

Last adds, “So much of it comes down to…why not? There’s a harsh dichotomy between kinky and vanilla, queer and hetero. It’s not as harsh of a line as we think it is.”

Therein lies the nuance. To be kinky or not to be kinky was never the question.

Woman swings in a park with a coffee in hand
Nora Last tied up in Shibari in a public park

Talking with partners

When it comes to kink, Franzblau’s hope for everyone in a partnership is that they can candidly talk about the places they connect and the places they don’t.

“Are we here to control each other or to encourage each other’s greatness or well-being?” Franzblau said.

She acknowledges that it can be totally heartbreaking when partners don’t see eye to eye. But, she adds, “What’s wonderful about this moment in time is that there are a lot of resources for navigating these extremely tricky conversations.”

For kink and BDSM communities that have been historically stigmatized, Franzblau and Last are two people among many trying to change that. Arguably, their most powerful and subversive statements? Their kinks.

NEW TO KINK? CHECK OUT THESE RESOURCES!

  • Sex Positive LA
    Sex-Positive Los Angeles is a non-profit organization that creates educational and social experiences around positive sexuality, identity, lifestyle, consent, and body-positivity for adults. We provide a chance to explore, learn, and grow in a safe, welcoming, and consensual environment through consensual touch events, workshops and discussion groups.
  • 910 WeHo
    A Queer and Alt Lifestyle, Friendly Community Space for All. BDSM Los Angeles kink dungeon.
  • Fet Life
    A popular Social Network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky Community.
  • Cuddle Sanctuary
    Social events to learn about and practice consent
  • My Mother Doesn’t Know I’m Kinky
    A one-woman show exploring the early childhood hints that she was wired differently and her bumpy, awkwardly arousing journey towards self-acceptance.
  • Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships
    Therapist Kate Loree—who has practiced non-monogamy since 2003, and who specializes in treating clients who also practice non-monogamy—pulls no punches as she uses vignettes based on her own life, as well as her clients’ experiences, to illustrate the highs, lows, and in-betweens of life as a consensual non-monogamist.
  • Plura App
    Plura is the go-to app for queer, sex+, growth-oriented, and alternative people to find their people.
  • ShibariStudy
    An online resource, rope-focused (as the name implies) but their consent classes are both very good and very broadly applicable.
  • Why Are People Into That?!
    A podcast hosted by sex-ed icon Tina Horn, a podcast dedicated to answering its titular question. Now also a book!
  • Safiya Darling
    a sexuality & consent educator based here in LA, Safiya speaks so effectively to the interplay of queerness, race, and kink
  • Devil Mask Studio
    particularly rope jams, they’re a low stress, semi-structured way to experience the space and connect with other interested folks
  • The Sexual Bucket List Workshop
    A virtual workshop to help you understand your sexual self

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Lack of sex education in GOP states puts students at risk

An assortment of contraceptives such as Plan B and condoms provided by Planned Parenthood Generation Action at the Sex and Relationships photoshoot. Sex-ed is an important part of K-12 education, and the risk of losing the curriculum in schools can lead to an increase in unwanted teen pregnancies and STIs.

By Sunjae Lee

Although it may be a cliche, there is some truth to the trope ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ — whether it be through teachers, pediatricians, athletic coaches or politicians who create laws directly affecting youth. But in some states across the U.S., the adults in charge of youth policies are not doing their part in ensuring quality education for all.

According to an Associated Press article, GOP-led states are at risk of losing sex education curricula in their schools. This idea was amplified after the emergence of the “parents’ rights” movement, whose main concern is dismantling inclusive LGBTQ+ sex education. Republican leaders and parents are trying to ensure that it is the parents’ choice to allow their children to take part in any sex education.

So what can we expect in the absence of sex education at K-12 institutions if these policies are implemented?

Lack of sex education for all youth may lead to an increase in unwanted teen pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Since GOP state leaders tend to oppose abortion rights, minimizing unwanted pregnancy is crucial in these states to protect teens from potential physical, emotional and financial harms. In fact, teen birth rates are much higher in states that ban abortion and have minimal sex education curricula.

Moreover, the number of contracted sexually transmitted disease (STD) cases has risen again since the COVID-19 pandemic — reaching more than 2.5 million cases of syphilis, gonorrhea and chlamydia according to the CDC’s 2022 statistics.

GOP-led states are especially at higher risk; out of the top 10 states with the highest rate of STDs, eight are Republican-controlled states.

Many of the Republican voters who oppose mandatory sex education argue that it is the parents’ responsibility to determine what constitutes appropriate sex education for their children. But this begs the question: is sex education really taught at home?

According to OnePoll, one in five parents are not willing to have conversations about sexual matters with their kids at all. Even the parents who discuss sex education with their kids tend to avoid more complex topics, such as birth control and consent.

While sex education in schools is taught by qualified instructors, parents may not have the same level of professional expertise. Not only do they tend to avoid harder topics, but their own lack of education can lead to misinformation. For instance, older generations who are more socially conservative may be more likely to still believe in myths regarding sexual assault, such as victim-blaming for dressing or acting in a “sexually provoking way,” or believing that victims could have prevented it if they wanted to. A study from the International Society for the Study of Individual Differences’ journal proves that individuals with sexually conservative views are more likely to accept these myths.

Furthermore, teenagers are more likely to seek sexual information from peers and teachers than parents. We must keep these resources open, allowing for spaces where minors feel comfortable participating in honest outreach discussions.

The controversy surrounding sex education in public schools has been a longstanding issue, but it significantly escalated recently in GOP-led states due to opposition from parents and politicians who are reluctant to incorporate LGBTQ+ topics. The “Don’t Say Gay Bill” in Florida exemplifies the strong aversion for such discussions in politically conservative states. Given that the inclusion of LGBTQ+ sexual health in the curricula is the biggest concern among Republican-controlled states, should schools offer LGBTQ+ exclusive sex education to satisfy everyone?

The main reason why LGBTQ-inclusive sex education is important is that gender and sexually-marginalized youth are at a higher risk for sexual health issues such as STIs, sexual activity under the influence and dating violence.

LGBTQ+ youth are also far less likely to have open sex discussions with their parents. Even if they do, unless their parents are part of the community themselves, it is often difficult for kids to receive useful and accurate information specifically concerning their sexual health. It is important that schools protect LGBTQ+ youth by providing adequate education to prevent against poor health outcomes and lack of support within their homes.

Sex education is a shared responsibility between schools and parents. While schools need to provide children with quality health education, they also need a welcoming environment at home to seek answers. Instead, youth are struggling to find proper information in a world where open discussions about sex and sexual diversity are considered taboo. In each of our villages, adults and educators are responsible for ensuring safe environments and comprehensive education for all youth, including the LGBTQ+ community.

Since not everyone is privileged enough to receive quality sex education at home, K-12 schools provide necessary education for everyone regardless of socioeconomic status, family background and sexual orientation. When giving equal educational opportunities is the main function of primary and secondary schools, how is it acceptable to exclude one of the most important subjects?

Sex education is directly related to a person’s physical, emotional and social well-being. The World Health Organization defines sexual health as “a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality.” Teaching adolescents about sexual health ensures a better quality of life overall.

According to a study from the Journal of Adolescent Health conducted with adolescent women, better sexual health is associated with better social integration, higher self-esteem, less substance use and lower self-reported depression. Another study from the Frontiers in Reproductive Health Journal suggests that among male adolescents, mental and reproductive health are intertwined; poor sexual health leads to poor mental health and vice versa.

Hence, comprehensive sex education can prevent many health issues and encourage healthy habits in various aspects of life. Minimizing sex education curricula means young people who are not fortunate enough to have sexually accepting and knowledgeable parents will have to learn on their own while risking their sexual health.

Conservatives’ irrational fear of healthy relationships being formed between members of same sex and non-binary gender identities, along with their false beliefs of comprehensive sex education encouraging reckless sex, are putting children at risk — including their own. What may hurt their kids is delaying essential education, as well as restricting exposure to healthy homosexual love or confident transgender people. The exclusion of proper sex education may leave people with irreversible consequences, such as unwanted pregnancy, HIV or sexual trauma.

Children should be set up for success, not put in a position where they have to rely on misinformation or the internet to be taught healthy sexual habits.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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What is ‘sex’? What is ‘gender’?

— How these terms changed and why states now want to define them


Transgender rights advocates rally at the Kansas capitol, Wednesday, Jan. 31, 2024. In 2023, the state enacted a measure that says there are two sexes, male and female, based on a person’s “biological reproductive system” at birth.

By Grace Abels

  • This year, 17 state legislatures sought to narrowly define “sex” or “gender” in state law as based solely on biological characteristics. In Utah, one became law.
  • Although they’re sometimes used synonymously, “sex” and “gender” have different meanings to medical professionals. Sex traditionally refers to one’s biological characteristics, whereas gender is how a person identifies.
  • Laws redefining sex in state law could require driver’s licenses and identifying documents to display a person’s sex assigned at birth, a policy that transgender advocates say would lead to discrimination.

After decades of creating laws that assumed “sex” and “gender” were synonymous, lawmakers across the country are taking another look at how states define those terms.

Scientific and legal interpretations of these words have evolved considerably in the past century. Today, medical experts understand biological sex assigned at birth as more complex and consider it distinct from gender identity.

In 2020, the Supreme Court also broadened its understanding of sex discrimination in employment to include discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

Grappling with this cultural, scientific, and legal shift in the meaning of “sex” and “gender,” lawmakers in some states have tried defining the terms narrowly in state law as biological and binary. In 2023, four states passed such laws and, this year, 17 states introduced bills defining “sex.” Some bills in Florida and West Virginia were defeated, but 15 bills are still advancing in states across the country.

This focus on terminology may seem rhetorical, but these legislative changes can restrict access to driver’s licenses and documents that match a person’s gender identity. Transgender rights advocates say that requiring IDs to match the sex a person was assigned at birth can expose transgender Americans to discrimination.

So, how do we understand these terms, and what could these definitions mean for everyday life once codified?

How have the terms ‘sex’ and ‘gender’ evolved?

Until the mid-20th century, Americans’ understanding of “sex” was largely biological and binary.

“For a substantial time period, law in the United States defined identity categories, such as race and sex, in biological terms,” said Darren Hutchinson, an law professor at Emory University law professor.

In the 1950s and ’60s, psychological research emerged that differentiated biological sex from “gender.” Researchers coined terms such as “gender roles” as they studied people born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that didn’t fit the typical definitions of male or female and observed how children sometimes developed identity distinct from their biological sex.

By the early 1960s, the term “gender identity” began appearing in academic literature. By 1980, “gender identity disorder of childhood” was included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders’ third edition. This inclusion signaled that the concept of gender identity “was part of the accepted nomenclature being used,” said Dr. Jack Drescher, a clinical professor of psychiatry at Columbia University.

Before the 1970s, the word “gender” was rarely used in American English, according to research by Stefan Th. Gries, a linguistics professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara. He said evidence suggests it was used mostly when discussing grammar to describe the “gender” of a noun in Spanish, for example.

Edward Schiappa, a professor of communication and rhetoric at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, observed in his book “The Transgender Exigency” that the rising use of “gender” in English coincided with the term’s introduction into psychological literature and its adoption by the feminist movement. Feminists saw the term as useful for describing the cultural aspects of being a “woman” as different from the biological aspects, he said.

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg, who argued sex discrimination cases before the court in the 1970s, said that she intentionally used the term “gender discrimination” because it lacked the salacious overtones “sex” has.

After the 1980s, gender’s term usage rose rapidly, moving beyond academic and activist circles. In common American English, “sex” and “gender” began to be used more interchangeably, including in state law — sometimes even in the same section of the law.

In Florida’s chapter on driver’s licenses, for example, the section on new license applications uses “gender,” but the section on replacement licenses uses “sex.”

Modern legal and scientific views of ‘sex’ and ‘gender’

Today, medical experts and most major medical organizations agree that sex and gender are different.

Sex is a biological category determined by physical features such as genes, hormones and genitalia. People are male, female or sometimes have reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t fit the typical definitions of male or female, often called intersex.

Gender is different, experts say. Gender identity refers to someone’s internal sense of being a man, woman, or a nonbinary gender. For cisgender people, their sex and gender are the same, while transgender people may experience a mismatch between the two — their gender may not correspond to the sex they were assigned at birth.

Our legal understanding of “sex discrimination” has also evolved.

In 2020, the Supreme Court decided Bostock v. Clayton County, a series of cases in which employers were accused of firing employees for being gay or transgender. The court held that this was a form of “sex discrimination” prohibited under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Whether the court will extend this interpretation to other areas of federal law is unclear, legal experts told us.

How have lawmakers responded to this shift?

Recently, lawmakers have tried to codify their understandings of “sex” and “gender” into law.

In some cases, these laws aim to recognize and protect transgender Americans. The Democratic-backed Equality Act, which passed the House, but not the Senate, in 2019 and 2021, would have federally protected against discrimination based on sex, sexual orientation and gender identity. Some states have passed similar equality legislation, creating a patchwork of anti-discrimination protections for LGBTQ+ people.

But lawmakers in many Republican-led states have proposed narrow definitions of sex and gender that would apply to large sections of state law. “Women and men are not identical; they possess unique biological differences,” Iowa’s Republican governor, Kim Reynolds said in a press release detailing her support for the state’s version of such a bill. She added, “This bill protects women’s spaces and rights afforded to us by Iowa law and the Constitution.”

Iowa Gov. Kim Reynolds speaks July 28, 2023, at the Republican Party of Iowa’s 2023 Lincoln Dinner in Des Moines, Iowa.

Opponents reject the idea that the bills relate to women’s rights and claim the bills are an attempt to “erase” legal recognition of transgender people.

In 2023, four states passed laws defining sex, and two other states did so via executive order.

The Kansas Legislature, for example, passed the “Women’s Bill of Rights” overriding Democratic Gov. Laura Kelly’s veto. The law says that “pursuant to any state law or rules and regulations … An individual’s ‘sex’ means such individual’s biological sex, either male or female, at birth.”

The law defines male and female as based on whether a person’s reproductive system “is developed to produce ova,” or “is developed to fertilize the ova of a female.”

Because of the bill, transgender Kansans may no longer amend the sex listed on their birth certificates or update their driver’s licenses to be different from their sex assigned at birth, although courts are reviewing this policy.

The Kansas law also states that “distinctions between the sexes with respect to athletics, prisons or other detention facilities, domestic violence shelters, rape crisis centers, locker rooms, restrooms and other areas where biology, safety or privacy are implicated” are related to “important governmental objectives” a condition required under the equal protection clause of the U.S. Constitution’s 14th Amendment.

Rose Saxe, lawyer and deputy project director of the LGBTQ and HIV project at the American Civil Liberties Union, said the Kansas law does not explicitly require those spaces to be segregated by “sex” as the bill defines, but tries to justify policies that would do so.

Current bills defining ‘sex’

This year, 17 more states considered bills that would narrowly define “sex” and/or “gender” in state law according to the ACLU’s anti-LGBTQ legislation tracker. One, Utah, signed a definition into law, and 10 other states are advancing 15 bills combined. In the remaining six states, the bills were carried over to next year or defeated.

The Utah State Capitol is viewed March 1, 2024, in Salt Lake City.

Some bills, such as Arizona’s S.B. 1628 change the terms for the entire statute: “This state shall replace the stand-alone term ‘gender’ with ‘sex’ in all laws, rules, publications, orders, actions, programs, policies, and signage,” it reads. The state Senate passed the bill 16-13 on Feb. 22, along party lines with Republicans in favor.

Other bills, such as Idaho’s H.B. 421, don’t replace the word “gender” but declare it synonymous to “sex.” Gender, when used in state law, “shall be considered a synonym for ‘sex’ and shall not be considered a synonym for gender identity, an internal sense of gender, experienced gender, gender expression, or gender role,” reads the text of the bill, which passed the Idaho House 54-14 on Feb. 7.

Saxe said the bills could have a cascading effect on other laws.

Two bills in Florida, neither of which passed, would have explicitly required driver’s licenses to reflect sex assigned at birth. Advocates, including Saxe, worry that other sex-defining bills would have a similar consequence.

Transgender rights advocates say access to identification that matches an individual’s identity and presentation is important. “If you can’t update the gender marker on your ID, you are essentially outed as transgender at every turn,” said Rodrigo Heng-Lehtinen, executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality to PolitiFact for a previous story on drivers licenses in Florida. This can happen during interactions with potential landlords, employers, cashiers, bartenders and restaurant servers.

“Even in the states that have passed these bills,” said Paisley Currah, a political science professor at the City University of New York, “there’s still going to be these contradictions,” because a person’s driver’s license might not match the gender on their passport, for example.

“Unless you’re a prisoner or immigrant or you are in the Army, the government actually doesn’t get to look at your body,” said Currah, who wrote a book on how government agencies address “sex” categories. “It’s always some doctor that signs a letter … and so there’s always a document between your body and the state.”

How these sex-defining laws would affect state agencies remains to be seen. And the laws may face court challenges, likely on the grounds that they violate the Equal Protection Clause or right to privacy, Saxe said.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How the anti-gender movement is bringing us closer to authoritarianism

An all-gender restroom in San Francisco.

By Judith Butler

In the United States, gender has been considered a relatively ordinary term. We are asked to check a box on a form, and most of us do so without giving it too much thought. But some of us don’t like checking the box and think there should be either many more boxes or perhaps none at all. The myriad, continuing debates about gender show that no one approach to defining or understanding it reigns. It’s no longer a mundane box to be checked on official forms.

The anti-gender ideology movement, however, treats the range of sometimes conflicting ideas about gender as a monolith, frightening in its power and reach.

The fear of “gender” allows existing powers — states, churches, political movements — to frighten people to come back into their ranks, to accept censorship and to externalize their fear and hatred onto vulnerable communities. Those powers not only appeal to existing fears that many working people have about the future of their work or the sanctity of their family life but also incite those fears, insisting, as it were, that people conveniently identify gender as the true cause of their feelings of anxiety and trepidation about the world.

The project of restoring the world to a phantasmatic time before gender promises a return to a patriarchal dream order that only a strong state can restore. The shoring up of state powers, including the courts, implicates the anti-gender movement in a broader authoritarian, even fascist project. We see the rolling back of progressive legislation and the targeting of sexual and gender minorities as dangers to society, as exemplifying the most destructive force in the world, in order to strip them of their fundamental rights, protections and freedoms.

Consider the allegation that “gender” — whatever it is — puts children at risk through programs such as reading books with queer characters cast as examples of indoctrination or seduction. The fear of children being harmed, the fear that the family, or one’s own family, will be destroyed, that “man” will be dismantled, including the men and man that some of us are, that a new totalitarianism is descending upon us, are all fears that are felt quite deeply by those who have committed themselves to the eradication of “gender” — the word, the concept, the academic field and the various social movements it has come to signify.

The resulting authoritarian restrictions on freedom abound, whether through establishing LGBTQ+-free zones in Poland or strangling progressive educational curricula in Florida that address gender freedom and sexuality in sex education. But no matter how intently authoritarian forces attempt to restrict freedoms, the fact that the categories of women and men shift historically and contextually is undeniable. New gender formations are part of history and reality. Gender is, in reality, minimally the rubric under which we consider changes in the way that men, women and other such categories have been understood.

As an educator, I am inclined to say to these people, “Let’s read some key texts in gender studies together and see what gender does and does not mean and whether the caricature holds up.” Reading is a precondition of democratic life, keeping debate and disagreement grounded and productive.

Sadly, such a strategy rarely works.

A woman in Switzerland once came up to me after a talk I gave and said, “I pray for you.” I asked why. She explained that the Scripture says that God created man and woman and that I, through my books, had denied the Scripture. She added that male and female are natural and that nature was God’s creation. I pointed out that nature admits of complexity and that the Bible itself is open to some differing interpretations, and she scoffed. I then asked if she had read my work, and she replied, “No! I would never read such a book!” I realized that reading a book on gender would be, for her, trafficking with the devil. Her view resonates with the demand to take books on gender out of the classroom and the fear that those who read such books are contaminated by them or subject to an ideological inculcation, even though those who seek to restrict these books have typically never read them.

To refuse gender is, sadly, to refuse to encounter the complexity that one finds in contemporary life across the world. The anti-gender movement opposes thought itself as a danger to society — fertile soil for the horrid collaboration of fascist passions with authoritarian regimes.

We need to take a stand against the anti-gender movement in the name of breathing and living free from the fear of violence.

Transnational coalitions should gather and mobilize everyone the anti-gender ideology movement has targeted. The internecine fights within the field must become dynamic and productive conversations and confrontations, however difficult, within an expansive movement dedicated to equality and justice. Coalitions are never easy, but where conflicts cannot be resolved, movements can still move ahead together with an eye focused on the common sources of oppression.

Whether or not people are assigned a gender at birth or assume one in time, they can really love being the gender that they are and reject any effort to disturb that pleasure. They seek to strut and celebrate, express themselves and communicate the reality of who they are. No one should take away that joy, as long as those people do not insist that their joy is the only possible one. Importantly, however, many endure suffering, ambivalence and disorientation within existing categories, especially the one to which they were assigned at birth. They can be genderqueer or trans, or something else, and they are seeking to live life as the body that makes sense to them and lets life be livable, if not joyous. Whatever else gender means, it surely names for some a felt sense of the body, in its surfaces and depths, a lived sense of being a body in the world in this way.

As much as someone might want to clutch a single idea of what it is to be a woman or a man, the historical reality defeats that project and makes matters worse by insisting on genders that have all along exceeded the binary alternatives. How we live that complexity, and how we let others live, thus becomes of paramount importance.

There is still much to be understood about gender as a structural problem in society, as an identity, as a field of study, as an enigmatic and highly invested term that circulates in ways that inspire some and terrify others. We have to keep thinking about what we mean by it and what others mean when they find themselves up in arms about the term.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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LGBTQ+ in Africa

— How the US far-right whips up homophobia

Sexual minorities say they have faced a wave of abuse since Uganda’s harsh anti-LGBTQ+ law was enacted last year

Tough laws targeting homosexual acts or abortion in African nations are often preceded by lobbying from American hard-liners. Often well-financed, these networks campaign against equality and diversity.

By Martina Schwikowski

Fundamentalist Christian churches from the United States are increasingly gaining power and influence in societies and political spheres across Africa. Many of them have been whipping up negative sentiments against LGBTQ+ people and abortion rights.

Haley McEwen, a sociologist at the University of Gothenburg in Sweden, has examined some of their influential networks.

“US Christian right-wing groups have been very active in the US foreign policy since the early 2000s,” McEwen told DW.

“There are several organizations that have been around since the 1970s — and in the early 2000s they started to increase their influence internationally.”

A protester joins supporters of the LGBTQ+ community as they stage a protest against a planned lecture by Kenyan academic Patrik Lumumba at the University of Cape Town
Conservative activists often portray LGBTQ+ people as alien imports who threaten African societies

The groups have expanded into African countries like Uganda, Nigeria, Kenya, Ghana and South Africa.

According to McEwen, the networks also focused on UN organizations “in response to the advances being made by the international feminist movement to gain recognition of sexual and reproductive health and rights within the UN frameworks.”

‘Hatred from outside our history’

These conservative activists — who describe themselves as “pro family” — seem only interested in safeguarding one special type of family: heterosexual, monogamous nuclear families ordained by marriage.

“We continue to advocate that this is hatred that is deliberately being stirred, that it is not organic and not within our history and it is actually producing the conditions for violence and assault of LGBTQ+ persons in Kenya,”Irungu Houghton, Kenya director at Amnesty International, told DW.

Homosexuality has always been being practiced discreetly in what is now Kenya, according to Houghton. British colonialists enacted the first laws that criminalized gay sex in the 1930s.

Influence comes with money

These days, it’s African leaders who introduce the new laws — which is why they’ve been targeted by far-right networks from the US.

According to McEwen, these groups want to win over African leaders in order to implement what is being described as “family friendly agendas” — both in their home countries and internationally at the United Nations.

McEwen said this influence was also being exerted by funding African organizations which domestically propagate “nuclear family” policies and oppose LGBTQ+ rights and comprehensive sexuality education.

There is a homegrown network of such groups in Africa, but according to McEwen, they heavily rely on funding from outside Africa.

Who’s funding the anti-LGBTQ+ sentiment?

UK-based media platform openDemocracy published a 2020 report that examined more than 20 American Christian groups.

The paper revealed that the groups — which are known for their campaigns against LGBTQ+ rights, access to safe abortion, contraceptives and comprehensive sex education — have spent at least $54 million (€49.5 million) in Africa since 2007.

One of these groups is Christian conservative organization Family Watch International (FWI) which, according to openDemocracy “has has been coaching high-ranking African politicians … to oppose comprehensive sexuality education (CSE) across the continent.”

Uganda signs anti-LGBTQ bill into law

In May 2023, Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni signed one of the world’s toughest anti-LGBTQ+ laws — including the death penalty for “aggravated homosexuality” — drawing Western condemnation and risking sanctions from aid donors.

According to activist Frank Mugisha, director of Sexual Minorities Uganda, FWI was highly influential in the genesis of Uganda’s legislation.

However, FWI said in a statement on its website that it is “opposed to the Uganda Anti-Homosexuality Act 2023” and it “opposes legislation that penalizes a person for having same-sex sexual attractions or for their gender identity.”

“Family Watch opposes the death penalty or harsh penalties in the context of Uganda’s pending law and other similar bills,” according to the statement.

Africa’s tough anti-LGBTQ+ laws ‘stirring up hatred and acrimony’

Shortly afterward, Uganda passed the law, and a Kenyan lawmaker proposed a bill that has often been described as “copy paste” of the Ugandan law. The Kenyan bill is still undergoing parliamentary procedures.

In Ghana, a similar bill was recently passed by parliament. But it’s still unclear when and whether president Nana Akufo-Addo will sign it into law.

“There is a direct link between the emergence of hate bills in Uganda and Ghana and now Kenya with these interests,” said Amnesty’s Houghton.

“We have been very concerned that this is not only focusing on stirring up hatred and acrimony between societies but is also focusing on reversing many gains with regards to comprehensive sex education and sexual productive health rights.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Is it ethical to watch AI pornography?

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If you’re in your 20s and 30s, you probably watch pornography. Millennials and gen Z are watching more pornography than any other age group and are also more likely than any other demographic to experiment with AI pornography.

As technology advances, AI-generated tools and techniques are becoming increasingly sophisticated and accessible. This can lead to unethical content, including deepfakes – videos in which a person’s face is replaced with someone else’s likeness, without their consent. Social media platform X (formerly Twitter) recently faced a scandal when it became awash with deepfakes of Taylor Swift.

But what about other kinds of AI pornographic content? How can consuming it affect you, and how can you make sure that you’re consuming it ethically? I’m a sex and relationship therapist, so I’m interested in helping clients with various sexual issues, including porn consumption problems. I am also curious about the ways AI could be used positively to create pornography that is not only ethical, but educational and sexy at the same time.

The impact of watching AI porn

While it’s perfectly normal to be curious about sex, watching a lot of pornography can affect your sexual satisfaction – and AI porn is no different. You might, for example, start comparing your partner to the hyper-realistic, but impossibly perfect, digitally generated actors of AI porn.

Already, research suggests that men who frequently watch online porn may experience erectile dysfunction. This could be due to the idealised unrealistic portrayals in pornography compared to real-life sexual encounters. AI pornography would likely only exacerbate this, with AI porn avatars able to participate in sex acts that wouldn’t be possible, or as accessible, for real people.

Among women who watch porn, opinions vary. Some women have noted positive changes, including a reduction in the shame associated with sexual pleasure. But others have expressed reservations about the beauty standards in pornography, finding them unattainable.

This stance is very much shared by anti-porn campaigners, who claim that porn degrades and objectifies women. They believe it feeds into ideas of male supremacy, potentially leading to violence against women.

Regulating AI pornography

The roles women are given within mainstream pornography often portray a different power imbalance than, for example, gay male porn. For this article, I spoke to porn actor John Thomas. He argued that gay male porn was somewhat more ethical than mainstream straight porn which is [made for men to consume]. “Both roles in a gay scene might be appreciated by the viewer, rather than the pure objectification of the woman in a straight scene.”

One of the many concerns with unregulated AI-generated pornography is that it can distort a viewer’s sense of reality, leading to misinformation, unrealistic expectations around sex and potential harm. However, since the moral landscape surrounding ethical AI porn is a grey area, we are pushed into uncharted territory. As new technology emerges, new challenges arise.

To ensure responsible innovation within the adult entertainment industry, it’s essential to be aware of AI’s ongoing integration into our daily lives. For example, risks could be mitigated by training AI systems to recognise deepfakes, violence or child pornography.

For actors in the adult entertainment industry working pre-AI, consent has always been key. I asked John Thomas about best practice in the industry:

When working for a porn studio [as a freelance worker], I sign a contract which typically includes clauses relating to rights to my image – usually I am signing to give the studio the right to use, and alter, my image [from the photos or video created] and distribute it. AI is not specified in any contract I’ve signed.

But since AI porn is expected to become more mainstream, the topic of consent becomes more ambiguous. As John Thomas adds: “I think one could interpret the contract to include AI … the contracts are written in such an expansive way that, having signed away the rights to your image, and consent to your image being altered, it could [hypothetically be used in AI].”

How to be an ethical porn consumer

Just as there are fair trade brands known for their ethical practices in producing coffee and clothing, there should be a safe space for consumers to explore their sexuality and fantasies.

As a porn viewer, you can be more ethical in your consumption by becoming porn literate, improving your understanding of realistic sexual expectations, gender identities, sexual orientations, relationship styles, kinks and ethical BDSM practices.

And if you decide you want to watch AI porn and want to minimise the risk of consuming unethical content, here are some tips to help enhance your porn literacy skills:

• consider joining online communities where discussions about “feminist porn” and sexualised content are open and encouraged

• if you are a fan of a particular porn actor, consider following them on social media. This will provide you with some insights into their performance activities and their preferred ways for you to access their content

• when coming across porn sites, take a moment to assess if they are recognised for ethical production practices. Some established sites are known for their commitment to ethical pornography. Typically, the ethical emphasis will revolve around aspects such as production standards, consent, representation of diverse body types, genders and races, portrayal of safe sexual practices and prioritising the enjoyment of all involved

• keep in mind the difference between fantasies and real sexual encounters when watching porn. Remember that what you see online may not translate to real life

• keep a close eye on your porn consumption. If you sense it’s becoming overwhelming, or impacting your daily life or sexual experiences, don’t be ashamed. Seek support from a professional, such as a sex therapist.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The ugly return of homophobia

— Bigotry is coming from the progressive establishment

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As a child of the Eighties and Nineties, I remember well that homosexuals were fair game in the mainstream media. One columnist in The Star railed against “Wooftahs, pooftahs, nancy boys, queers, lezzies — the perverts whose moral sin is to so abuse the delightful word ‘gay’ as to render it unfit for human consumption”. After the death of Freddie Mercury, sympathy in The Mail on Sunday was limited. “If you treat as a hero a man who died because of his own sordid sexual perversions,” one writer cautioned, “aren’t you infinitely more likely to persuade some of the gullible young to follow in his example?”

It was sadly inevitable that the AIDS crisis would exacerbate this ancient prejudice. A headline in The Sun declared that “perverts are to blame for the killer plague”. And while a writer for the Express held “those who choose unnatural methods of self-gratification” responsible for the disease, letters published in its pages followed suit. One reader called for the incarceration of homosexuals. “Burning is too good for them,” wrote another. “Bury them in a pit and pour on quicklime.” Someone had been reading his Dante.

I happened to come out in a much less hostile climate. In the early 2000s, we were enjoying a kind of Goldilocks moment, neither too hot nor too cold. We weren’t generally on the receiving end of homophobic slurs, but nor were we patronised by well-meaning progressives. My memory of this time was that no one particularly cared, and I was more than happy with that. Being gay for me has never been an identity, it’s simply a fact, as unremarkable as being blue-eyed or right-handed.

And so it has been troubling to see a resurgence in the last few years of the kind of anti-gay rhetoric that was commonplace in my childhood. Of course, it could be argued that the rise of social media has simply exposed sentiments that were previously only expressed in private. As Ricky Gervais has pointed out, before the digital era “we couldn’t read every toilet wall in the world. And now we can.”

Yet the most virulent homophobia appears to be coming from a new source. Whereas we have always been accustomed to this kind of thing from the far-Right — one recalls Nick Griffin’s remark on Question Time about how he finds the sight of two men kissing “really creepy” — but now the most objectionable anti-gay comments arise in online spheres occupied by gender ideologues, from those who claim to be progressive, Left-wing and “on the right side of history”. The significant difference is that the word “cis” has been added to the homophobe’s lexicon. Some examples:

“Cis gay men are a disease.”

“Cis gay men are truly some of the most grotesque creatures to burden this earth.”

“I hate cis gay people with a burning passion.”

“If you’re a cis gay man and your sexuality revolves around you not liking female genitalia I hope you die and I will spit on your grave.”

“Cis gays don’t deserve rights.”

“There’s so many reasons to hate gay people, most specifically white gays, but there’s never a reason to be a transphobe.”

“It’s time to normalise homophobia.”

Of course, any bile can be found on the internet, but these kinds of phrases are remarkably commonplace among certain online communities. Even a cursory search will reveal innumerable examples of gender ideologues casually branding gay men “fags” or “faggots”, praising the murder of gays and lesbians, and claiming that the AIDS epidemic was a positive thing. Many thousands of examples had been collated on Google Photos under the title “Woke homophobia: anti-gay hatred & boxer ceiling abuse from trans activists & gender-identity ideologues”. The site was taken down last year, presumably because it violated Google’s policy on hate speech — or perhaps because it revealed the toxicity of the ideology the company has spent so long promoting.

If such ideas were restricted to the demented world of internet activism, we might be justified in simply ignoring it. But we now know that the overwhelming majority of adolescents referred to the Tavistock paediatric gender clinic were same-sex attracted. Whistleblowers have spoken out about the endemic homophobia, not simply among clinicians but also parents who were keen to “fix” their gay offspring. And of course there was the running joke among staff that soon “there would be no gay people left”.

And now a series of leaked internal messages and videos from WPATH (World Professional Association for Transgender Health), has revealed that clinicians in the leading global organisation for transgender healthcare have openly admitted in private that some teenagers mistake being same-sex attracted for gender dysphoria. The result of the “gender-affirming” approach has amounted to what one former Tavistock clinician recently described as “conversion therapy for gay kids”. Homosexuality was removed from the World Health Organisation’s list of psychiatric disorders in 1993, and yet here we are medicalising it all over again.

So how did we reach the point where gay conversion therapy is being practised in plain sight by the NHS? Much of the responsibility has to lie with Stonewall, a group that once promoted equal rights for gay people but now actively works against their interests. It has even gone so far as to redefine “homosexual” on its website and resource materials as “same-gender attracted”. It should go without saying that gay men are not attracted to women who identify as men, any more than lesbians should be denounced for excluding those with penises from their dating pools. What trans activists call discrimination, most of us call homosexuality.

“What trans activists call discrimination, most of us call homosexuality.”

Indeed, activists often claim that “genital preferences are transphobic”, or that sexual orientation based on biological sex is a form of “trauma”. The idea that homosexuality is a sickness was one of the first homophobic tropes I encountered as a child. Now it is being rebranded as progressive.

As for Stonewall, its former CEO Nancy Kelley went so far as to argue that women who exclude trans people as potential partners are analogous to “sexual racists”. She claimed that “if you are writing off entire groups of people, like people of colour, fat people, disabled people or trans people, then it’s worth considering how societal prejudices may have shaped your attractions”. It is worth remembering that Stonewall is deeply embedded in many governmental departments and quangos, as well as corporate and civic institutions. Anti-gay propaganda is being reintroduced into society from the very top.

Meanwhile, the Crown Prosecution Service has been meeting with trans lobby groups such as Mermaids and Stonewall to discuss changes to prosecutorial policy in cases of sex by deception. Since these meetings — only revealed after sustained pressure from a feminist campaigner who submitted Freedom of Information requests — the CPS has recommended what Dennis Kavanagh of the Gay Men’s Network has described as “a radical trans activist approach to sex by deception prosecutions that would see them all but vanish”. In trans activist parlance, the barriers to having sex with lesbians and gay men are known as the “cotton ceiling” and “boxer ceiling”. Now it seems the establishment is attempting to support the coercion of gay people into heterosexual activity.

Consider a recent post on X by Stephen Whittle, OBE, a professor of equalities law at Manchester Metropolitan University. In a reply to LGB Alliance’s Bev Jackson, Whittle took issue with the notion that “love is all about genitals” (an argument that Jackson has never made). Having dismissed this straw man as “a very hetero/homo-normative perspective”, Whittle then claimed that “a lot of gay men can’t resist a young furry ftm [female-to-male] cub”.

While it is true that there are some bisexuals who identify as gay, it is simply not the case that homosexual men “can’t resist” certain kinds of women. As Jackson rightly noted in her response, this is rank homophobia, “disturbed and disturbing on every level”. Yet it has been expressed by an individual who has been described as a “hero for LGBTQ+ equality”. With heroes like these, who needs villains?

Another example is Davey Wavey, a popular online influencer, who has encouraged gay men to perform heterosexual acts in a video called “How to Eat Pussy — For Gay Men”. It may as well have been called “Gay Conversion Therapy 2.0”. We are firmly back in the Eighties, where gays are being told that they “just haven’t found the right girl yet” and lesbians are assured that they just “need a good dick”. And yet now these demeaning ideas are being propagated by those who claim to be defending the rights of sexual minorities.

The Government’s recent guidance on how schools are to accommodate trans-identified pupils — in which biological sex will take precedence over identity — has been met with horror from gender ideologues. One of the common refrains one hears from activists is that it represents “this generation’s Section 28”. But this is to get it precisely backwards. Gay rights were secured on the recognition that a minority of the population are same-sex attracted. In dismantling the very notion of sex and substituting it for this nebulous concept of “gender identity”, activists and their disciples in parliament are undoing all of the achievements of previous gay rights movements.

The widespread homophobia of the Eighties, epitomised by Section 28, was based on the notion that homosexuality was unnatural, dangerous and ought to be corrected. Present-day gender identity ideology perceives homosexuality as evidence of misalignment between soul and body. In other words, it seeks to “fix” gay people so that they fit into a heterosexual framework. It is no coincidence that so many detransitioners are gay people who were simply struggling with their sexuality. Gender identity ideology is the true successor to Section 28.

The proponents of this revamped gay conversion therapy dismiss our concerns as “transphobia” and “bigotry”, or as part of a manufactured “culture war”. Worse still, the new homophobia is being cheered on by those it will hurt most. While prominent gay figures continue to feed the beast that wishes to devour them, we are unlikely to see this dire situation improve any time soon. It was bad enough in the Eighties, when gay people were demonised and harassed by the establishment. Who thought we would have to fight these battles all over again?

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Want To Up The Sexual Desire In Your Relationship?

— Try These Expert-Approved Tips

By Sarah Regan

When you first meet a new love interest, the surge of feel-good hormones makes them the center of your world—and of course, the object of your sexual desire.

But fast-forward a few years, and you’ll likely find desire has a way of ebbing and flowing the longer you’re with someone. It’s completely normal, but you still might want to spice things up when you’re in a sexual rut.

If that sounds familiar, here’s what to do.

Why does desire fade, anyway?

And it happens for so many reasons. Not only do the hormones we associate with falling in love start to drop off in general as the honeymoon phase ends, Gunsaullus says, but other hormonal factors are at play as well, especially if you’ve been together for years.

From childbirth to perimenopause to menopause to declining testosterone, we’re all susceptible to less sexual drive as we age. And of course, life happens too.

Kids’ schedules keep you busy, one or both partners might be stressed about work or finances, and even new medication can influence libido. If resentment has been brewing in the relationship, Gunsaullus adds, you better believe that’s a buzzkill as well.

It’s also worth noting that a lot of couples defer to having intimate time right before bed, which according to Gunsaullus, doesn’t always work out. “If folks are only thinking to have sex when they’re crawling into bed, most people just want to go to sleep or read or scroll—they want something that doesn’t feel like work. And if you’re the lower-desire person, sex can feel like work,” she explains.

5 tips to cultivate more sexual desire

1. Know that you’re not broken

If you and your partner aren’t all over each other like you once were, remember that this is completely normal—and, honestly, to be expected.

“Low-desire people often feel guilty or like they’re broken, and then higher-desire people feel rejected and unwanted and undesired,” Gunsaullus tells mindbodygreen, adding, “So just being able to call out those feelings and know that you haven’t done anything wrong—this is a very normal thing that happens to many folks in long-term relationships.”

With that in mind, she says, remember that both of you might not feel great about the decrease in desire, so be mindful not to get stuck in a cycle of pointing fingers, guilt, blame, and shame.

2. Schedule “HNFT”

Once of the best ways to boost desire in your relationship is to schedule time to be intimate, or as Gunsaullus calls it: Happy Naked Fun Time (HNFT). For 45 undistracted minutes once a week, simply enjoy each other.

If “scheduling” doesn’t sound very sexy to you, keep in mind that spontaneity doesn’t always bode well for lower-desire people, according to Gunsaullus. “They’re more responsive to creating a context, you know, an environment and a connection that helps facilitate arousal and desire,” she explains.

And the best part about this time, Gunsaullus adds, is it’s not meant to have an agenda. You don’t even need to have sex—it’s just about creating an environment in which you’re having fun, playing, connecting, and happen to be undressed.

“Bring a lightness to it, because if there’s expectation or pressure, that’s where you then get the disappointment and the blame and shame. So cuddle with each other, massage each other, talk about your day, play a game—something that feels intentional and out of the ordinary but is a sacred time,” Gunsaullus says.

3. Sit down with each other weekly

Even if you don’t schedule your HNFT every week, Gunsaullus does emphasize the importance of checking in with each other for 15 minutes every week, opening up the conversation around your sex life, needs, and desires.

Remember during this time to be nonjudgmental and open, even if it’s uncomfortable. Talking about these topics and normalizing them will ultimately help you and your partner get more comfortable with that discomfort so you can understand each other more deeply—which brings us to our next point.

4. Learn each other’s needs

If you’re on the shyer side, we’re not gonna pretend like it isn’t a little awkward to talk about your fantasies or sexual desires. But as Gunsaullus tells mindbodygreen, pushing through that awkwardness will only help your partner understand how to please you and vice versa.

She recommends filling out some sort of erotic play worksheet online in order to get super specific about what does (and doesn’t) turn you on. (Here’s a list of the most common kinks and fetishes, if you’re curious.)

Once you and your partner have both done the worksheets, compare your results. You might just find you have some overlap! And if you don’t, have no fear; Gunsaullus says that’s incredibly common and you can still meet each other halfway.

5. Consider working with a professional

Finally, Gunsaullus says, if you feel like you’ve been stuck in a sexual rut for quite some time, it might be worth working with a professional, whether a couples therapist, a sex therapist, or a sex/intimacy coach.

The takeaway

As with all matters of relationship, communication is key. Talk to each other, honor your needs, and remember that pleasure is something we all deserve.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Curious about trying tantric sex?

— Here’s everything you need to know

The key to sex and intimacy like you’ve never known it before.

By Nina Miyashita

In a world where we’re constantly bombarded by sex—how to have it, how often you should have it, what it should feel like—it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Regardless of if you’re in a long term relationship or you’re single and dating around, far too often, we can easily become disconnected from sex, in more ways than one. So if you find yourself disassociating from the practice, physically or mentally, and starting to struggle in your sex life, rest assured you’re far from being the only one.

Whether you’re dealing with performance anxiety or sexual dysfunction, or you’re just feeling detached or distant from your sexual partner and you want to shake things up, there’s an old sexual practice that can help you get back on track, teach you how to be more present in the moment during sex, and help enhance your lovemaking to a whole new realm. Like the sound of what you’re hearing so far? You might want to consider tantric sex.

A ritual that has been the centre of growing interest in recent years as a way to increase and strengthen sexual connection, tantric sex comes from the word Tantra, an ancient spiritual practice that focuses on a deep sense of bodily, mental and spiritual intimacy—essentially, sex and intimacy like you’ve never known it before.

What is tantric sex?

“Tantra is an artform that has continuously evolved over the centuries, and today, there are many different variations on the teachings of Tantra,” says Scarlett Wolf, a certified tantric facilitator, educator and massage therapist based in Sydney.

“There are 64 Arts of Tantra, such as the Art of music, poetry, martial arts, language, astronomy and philosophy, to name a few. One purpose of practising the Tantric Arts is to bring vibrancy and creativity into your life, as opposed to living a limiting existence. Tantric, or Sacred Sex, is one of these Arts, and can be practised to a level of mastery.”

Wolf points out that performative, goal-oriented sex can often feel unfulfilling, an issue that we can often run into either in a long term relationship or thanks to all the unhelpful cultural messaging we get around the purpose of sex.

If there’s only one goal for sex, to have an orgasm or to reproduce for example, it can start to feel a bit like a chore—especially for couples who’ve been together for a long time—and you might start to get the sense that it’s just something to get over with. On the other hand, Tantric sex is a slow and intentional way of connecting sexually.

What are the principles of tantric sex?

Mindfulness, intimacy and presence define tantric sex above all else, and it largely centres on a process of energy cultivation and exchange. “Harnessing the power of your sexual energy can open the doors to deep spiritual experiences, personal self-actualisation, and healing,” Wolf says. “The path of Tantra goes beyond the act of sex, as the pathway to an incredible sex life is through, first and foremost, knowing yourself.”

Seeing as our intimate experiences and relationships often reflect how we are in other ways, Wolf says that learning how to hold depth, passion and presence through different aspects of tantric sex can also positively impact so many other areas of our lives.

What are the benefits of tantric sex?

According to Wolf, tantric sex is for “anyone who has a desire to get to know themselves on a deeper level, feel more confident and reach their full potential with sex and intimacy”—and don’t we all? The benefit and goal of tantric is, in turn, multifaceted.

For men specifically, Wolf says there are some specific areas it can really assist in. “It’s extremely helpful for premature ejaculation, performance anxiety and in some cases, erectile dysfunction, if it’s not a medical condition but rather a psychological pattern,” she says. “A man who struggles with premature ejaculation can also reprogram his body to last for extended periods of time and enjoy being in the moment, rather than in fear of how he performs.”

As for couples, practising together can lead to deeper connection and better communication skills, helping you both to better understand your individual emotional and sexual needs—something seemingly simple yet very common that can often be a big barrier to meaningful sex between couples. Always remember that if you’re going to try introduce tantric sex to a partner to get their full and verbal consent to the practice.

Along with more satisfying orgasms and a reduction of stress and anxiety, there’s a whole plethora of benefits with tantric that might change your sex life forever.

How do you incorporate tantric sex into your relationship?

Before you can truly reap the benefits of tantric in your relationship, you’ll have to learn a few things on your own. “Having a solo practice is the starting point of Tantra,” Wolf explains. “Even when you’re in a sexually active relationship, having your own individual practice is essential for the deepening of your connection to your own body.”

“Knowing how to cultivate a connection to self first is what increases our capacity to connect more deeply with others, and feel more present in intimacy when we have partnered experiences. Once you’ve activated your sense of sexual freedom, self-expression and inner confidence, you can then experience this in your partnership.”

What are the techniques and practices of tantric sex?

Regulate your nervous system and do breathing exercises

When you’re getting started on your own, learning how to regulate your nervous system is super important. Think things like meditation, gentle exercise and breathwork. “When we are relaxed, and our parasympathetic nervous system is activated, we feel safe to communicate,” Wolf says. “We are then able to experience what true connection really is, and enjoy mind-blowing pleasure with our partner.”

In Wolf’s words, the secret to pleasure is relaxation. That means taking the time to get off our screens and taking some much needed time out. She recommends movement practices like meditation, dancing, or even taking a walk to clear your head before sex can be really helpful. Learning to slow down your breath is great, too. Breathing in for 5 counts and out for 10 is an easy breathing exercise you can implement to come into a more relaxed state.

Self pleasure

Self pleasure is also going to be important, since this is one of the best ways you can learn about your own sexuality. “Self pleasuring quickly and unconsciously will not make you a better lover, but taking your time and treating your body like you would treat your lover will,” says Wolf.

“A simple way is to practise circulating sexual energy through your body when you self pleasure. Use your breath and visualise as you are breathing that you are drawing your sexual energy up out of your genitals with your in breath and as you breathe out, visualise it spreading throughout your body. This is deeply relaxing and energising for your system.”

Remember, before you start any kind of tantric practice with a partner, getting their full, enthusiastic consent before any sexual or intimate activity is paramount, as is communicating about how you’re both feeling throughout.

Eye gazing

One of the most common ways to start a tantric practice with your partner, once you’re ready to have them join you, is eye gazing or eye contact. Here, Wolf breaks it down step by step.

“Have your partner sit cross legged, or in another comfortable position, facing you, and make sure your posture is supported. Hold hands and keep your arms, shoulders and hands relaxed. Look into the left eye of your partner and hold a gentle yet deep gaze.” You may blink, laugh, cry, smile whilst eye gazing, but try to keep a silence. In lieu of verbal communication, establish non-verbal consent cues before you begin. “Eye gaze for at least 5 minutes or as long as you desire. You may wish to listen to some beautiful music, preferably without lyrics, and then share your experience with your partner afterwards.”

Connecting heart centres through visualisation

“Place your left hand on your partner’s heart and your right hand on their genitals. On your in breath, visualise their sexual energy drawing up through your right hand, into your heart. Use this to energise your body. When you exhale, imagine sending the love in your heart through your left hand into your partner’s heart. Continue this breath and movement energy cycle for five minutes. This is a beautiful way to meditate together that creates a deeper emotional connection, and is also highly arousing.”

Sensual massage and touch

Engaging in a full body sensual massage is another great way to practise partnered tantric, and aims to move sexual energy around the body. Gently massage your partner with intention from the chest and shoulders all the way down their body, focusing on erotic zones, all while you pay attention to your breath.

Giving up too soon

One of the most important things to know before you get started is that Tantra is not about instant gratification. Patience is required when you’re learning new way of deepening your sexual experiences. “For many people, there is a reprogramming that happens around what they’ve known sex to be about,” Wolf confirms.

“Tantra is a journey. It’s not about ‘getting it right’ straight away. While it’s extremely enlightening to educate yourself by reading, watching videos and having conversations about Tantra, the real shift happens when you do the practices.” And Wolf is confident that if you’re consistent with your practice, you’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll see and feel results.

Believing that tantra isn’t for you because no one you know does it

“Often people feel shy and don’t have the confidence to share what they’ve learnt, as they feel it’s too weird, out there and might not be accepted—but don’t assume a sexual partner won’t be interested,” Wolf encourages. “As long as someone has a willingness and openness to learn and connect with you this way, that’s all that matters. It’s a beautiful and life changing journey to introduce someone to, and you’ll often be met with gratitude.”

Tantra practice isn’t right for you because you’re not a spiritual person

Worried about the spiritual aspect of the practice? Wolf says you really don’t have to be. “Aside from Tantra having the ability to take you into ecstatic states, it’s also a very grounding somatic—somatic means of the body—practice,” she explains.

“If what you’re looking for is more meaningful connections, and a more fulfilling and enjoyable sex life at the very least, practising Tantra is for you. What I’ve found after 15 years on my Tantric Journey is that there’s never a limit to the depth you can go to with Tantra. It’s a gift that continues to give.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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7 Habits of Highly Sex-cessful People

— Why do some couples keep the home fires burning while for others the embers grow dim? Here’s what some romantic partners are doing right

By Nicole Pajer

You know who they are.

That couple down the block who’ve been together for 25 years and still canoodle like newlyweds. They seem to have the intimacy and magic you and your partner once shared. How do they do it?

There are plenty of obvious reasons some couples lose their intimacy mojo over time: too much stress, too much conflict, too many health issues. But there are also plenty of healthy people in otherwise healthy relationships who aren’t getting their fair share of lovin’. What’s separating the sexually successful from the carnally challenged? We took a peek under the sheets and discovered some unexpected habits that have nothing to do with your relationship and can help any couple regain their romantic mojo.

1. Sex-cessful couples use the bedroom — for sleeping

Women who sleep an extra hour at night experience more sexual desire the next day and a 14 percent increased likelihood of having sex, according to one study. Maybe it’s because their partners are better rested as well: Not getting enough sleep has been linked to erectile dysfunction and a lack of testosterone in men. “A lot of your hormones and sex hormones are actually produced during good sleep,” says Graham King, M.D., a family medicine physician with Mayo Clinic Health System. Aim for at least seven to nine hours per night; anything under six on a regular basis could be setting you up for trouble.

One key to better sleep and better sex: Don’t bring your smartphone to bed. A study conducted by tech solutions company Asurion looked at the bedroom habits of 2,000 U.S. adults and found that 35 percent of respondents said their sex life had been impacted by their or their spouse’s bedtime phone use. “The phone acts as a barrier to intimacy by distracting attention away from your partner, creating distance between you,” says Lori Beth Bisbey, a clinical psychologist and host of the A to Z of Sex podcast. “Great sex needs both people to be present and focused on each other — and little else, actually!”

2. Sex-cessful couples never crash diet

Almost every trendy approach to losing weight, from keto to intermittent fasting, involves cutting out certain food categories and thereby restricting calories. Maybe they’re fat or carb or protein calories, but the fact is that not getting proper nutrients can have an impact on your sex drive.

“We need protein, we need fats to be able to build those sex hormones and keep our different muscular systems, including our genitals, working right,” says King. Sex, he says, requires a lot of blood flow, an array of hormones, and precursors to different kinds of amino acids we need for vasodilation “and, of course, ultimately, orgasms. So if we’re malnourished, we don’t have the fuel to get there.” If you’re trying to lose weight, do it intelligently. Eat a well-balanced diet high in produce, lean meat and fish, and whole grains, with a minimum of sugar and ultra-processed foods. (AARP’s best-selling guide to 50-plus nutrition, The Whole Body Reset, is now available in paperback.)

3. Sex-cessful couples soak up the sun

You’ve no doubt heard about the importance of vitamin D, and perhaps you’ve asked your doctor to check your blood levels. If not, and if you live in the northern half of the nation, a lack of vitamin D might be interfering with your love life. Low D has been linked to decreased erectile and orgasmic function, as well as diminished sexual desire. But supplements in winter can help: Additional research has found that supplementing with vitamin D can improve sexual function and mood in women with low vitamin D levels. To get more D from your diet, prioritize vitamin D–fortified foods like milk or yogurt. If you prefer to get your vitamin D from being outdoors, remember that you also need to protect yourself: The median age of people receiving a melanoma diagnosis is 66.

4. Sex-cessful couples work their muscles

Working out increases sexual arousal in women and helps combat erectile dysfunction in men. But more important, exercise — especially vigorous exercise that stimulates our muscles — is critical to our libidos.

When we exercise, the stress on our muscles stimulates the hypothalamus to produce sex hormones, says King: “It stimulates an effect that goes through our pituitary to our adrenal glands to start building those precursors to testosterone, estrogen and progesterone.” Without that stimulation, our brains never get the signal that it’s time for lovin’.

The American Heart Association recommends at least 150 minutes of moderate exercise per week, 75 minutes of vigorous-intensity exercise or a combination of both, adding in resistance or weight training several days a week. But don’t overdo it; one study found that men who engage in intense endurance training for long periods of time had reduced libidos.

5. Sex-cessful couples avoid late-night sweets

Many of us enjoy a good after-dinner treat. But dessert is one thing — a midnight snack is something else.

“Eating sugar before bed causes insulin release and can temporarily suppress testosterone levels,” says Raevti Bole, M.D., a urologist at the Cleveland Clinic. Anyone who has felt a crash after a sugar high will understand this effect. “This can make you feel sluggish and sleepy, which can tamper with your arousal,” Bole adds. If you’re hungry before bed, opt for something less sugary, like a piece of fruit, crackers and cheese, or dark chocolate. Avoid processed treats, desserts and sugar-sweetened beverages in the hours leading up to bed.

6. Sex-cessful couples drink a lot

Not booze — water. Water makes up 75 percent of the total body weight of newborns, but as we age, that percentage drops; in older adults it can be 50 percent or lower. And that can impact our health and our sex lives.

Proper hydration is critical to the cardiovascular system, which is responsible for keeping nutrients and oxygen flowing throughout the body. Even mild dehydration can impact a man’s ability to achieve an erection, and for women, it can cause issues with vaginal lubrication and genital arousal, says Sheryl Kingsberg, division chief, Ob/Gyn Behavioral Medicine at the University Hospitals Cleveland Medical Center and codirector of the Sexual Medicine and Vulvovaginal Health Program at the UH Cleveland Medical Center.

Keep a water bottle nearby to sip on throughout the day; reduce your alcohol intake, as that can further dehydrate you; and incorporate water-rich fruits and vegetables into your meals and snacks.

7. Sex-cessful couples make their bed daily

Clutter can sneak up on you, causing stress that you might not even be aware of. One study found that cortisol levels in women with cluttered homes rose during the day and stayed high when the clutter remained; the effect was more powerful on women than on their partners.

“It is likely that this is related to the expectations that women will still be responsible for keeping the home presentable and the social approval inherent in having a lovely home,” says Bole. Chaos around us, she adds, “impacts our ability to concentrate and focus.” Another study that looked at the relationship between clutter and procrastination found that older adults with clutter problems tended to report a significant decrease in life satisfaction. Making your bed first thing in the morning gives you a sense of control that can help reduce the feeling of being a victim of chaos. Better yet, make it together.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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What Is Cuckolding in Kink?

— Your everything-to-know guide to, well, sleeping with another guy in front of your husband. (But, look, there’s more to it than that, okay?)

by Gigi Engle

Do me a favor and picture this: You’re in a cage on your bedroom floor. Your (super sexy) partner is wearing the most kickass thigh-high leather boots. She’s on the bed. With another man. Having the time of her life. You are LOVING it.

Does the idea of watching someone get it on with your partner in front of you get you so horned up you feel like you’re about to explode? Or maybe the roles are reversed—maybe you’re the impossibly hot one in the thigh-highs (although sexy footwear is optional) totally getting off on the power trip of hooking up with someone else in front of your adoring partner. Either way, it’s time to talk about cuckolding, my friends.

Back in the day—we’re talking way back, like, Shakespeare times—cuckold was an old-school term referring to a man whose wife had sex with other men without his knowledge, making him look like a fool. The word gets its name from the cuckoo bird, known for its tricky habit of laying its eggs in the nests of other birds. “The cuckoo’s chicks consume the resources of the other birds and deprive that other birds’ chick of food,” explains psychologist David Ley, PhD, author of Insatiable Wives. “Naturalists believed this was what potentially happened when a wife cheated on her husband—the cuckolded husband would then end up investing his resources in the caring of children not genetically related to him.” Men portrayed as cuckolds are found throughout folklore and literature, particularly in the work of the aforementioned Mr. Shakespeare, the perennial pervy playwright.

While these early depictions have clear negative implications—and while the term “cuck” is still used as a slur in some (rather controversial) circles today—modern “cuckolding” as a consensual sex practice in the kink and ethically non-monogamous communities is all in good kinky fun. Basically, consensual cuckolding is when a man’s wife has sex with another man—usually in front of him—and everyone involved is 100 percent on board with it. (It’s worth noting that while the husband/wife dynamic is traditional to this practice, folks of all genders and relationship styles can partake of this kink—more on that later!) Instead of one partner (traditionally the wife or female one, but not always) engaging in secret, non-consensual infidelity, a modern cuckolding scenario involves the full support and encouragement of an equally excited partner who’s actively into the idea of their person being sexual with others, Ley says. You simply love to see it.

Feeling intrigued? Horny? Confused? Don’t you worry. From the basics of cuckolding scenes, to why it gets people so hot and bothered, to how you can try it for yourself (if you dare!), we’ve got everything you’ve ever wanted to know about cuckolding right here.

Okay, So What Is Cuckolding?

In its most basic form, cuckolding is when a man watches his wife have sex with another man, often in front of him. “One could think of cuckolding as fetishized infidelity or adultery,” says Celina Criss, PhD, a certified sex coach specializing in BDSM. While cuckolding may seem like it would be strictly heteronormative given its roots, it can take place in any relationship dynamic, with people of any gender.

The three main roles in a cuckolding scenario are as follows:

  • The Wife/Hotwife: The (usually) female partner who has sex with the other man/person. The “wife” is sometimes referred to as the “Hotwife” in certain contexts and scenarios.
  • The Bull: The outside person (usually a cis-man) who has sex with the wife/hotwife.
  • The Cuck: The man/person who watches his partner have sex with the bull.

Crucially: Everyone involved in a cuckolding scene is a consenting adult. Scenes are highly negotiated and everyone involved is completely into it. Which brings us to…

Why Are People Into Cuckolding?

Kinksters who are horny for this tres risqué kind of play may be into cuckolding for a whole (very) hot mess of reasons. What can we say? Human sexuality is a complex and wonderful thing. Here are some of the main aspects of cuck play that may be appealing to those who practice it.

1. Power Dynamics

The core of kink play lies in the Dom/sub dynamic and the power play that comes with it. When we’re talking about cuckolding, the cuck is often submitting to the hotwife and/or bull.

2. Humiliation Play

his kind of play often involves an element of intentional humiliation in the form of verbal insults or degradation from the bull and/or wife. “The cuckold, or ‘cuck,’ is verbally belittled by the bull and made to seem inferior and ‘beta,’” explains Cosmo’s ‘Navigating Non-Monogamy’ columnist Zachary Zane, author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto and sex expert for Fun Factory. “A bull may talk about how much bigger his dick is or how much better at sex he is than the ‘pathetic’ husband.” It’s all about creating the fantasy that the bull is a much better lover than the cuck, for the cuck’s enjoyment.

3. Partner Sharing

While these scenes often tap into an element of humiliation or submission, these aspects aren’t always inherent to cuckolding. Sometimes the cuck simply enjoys “sharing his wife’s extraordinary sexuality with other men,” says Ley. “These relationships are sometimes called hotwifing, or stag/vixen relationships.” This is where the ‘wife’ role turns into the ‘hotwife’ role. Rather than getting off on being humiliated by his wife or submitting to another man, the cuck is like: Look how HOT my wife is! You should definitely bang her! Get it?

4. Voyeurism and Exhibitionism

“You’re essentially getting a live show! You get to watch someone having sex, which is just hot,” Zane says. A cuck with a voyeuristic streak may enjoy watching his partner sexually engage with another person, and their exhibitionist partner may enjoy being watched in the act.

5. Bondage and Fetish Play

The cuck may be placed inside of a cage, tied up, or made to wear various fetish gear (such as a cock/chastity cage or latex clothing), depending on the scene. The bull and wife may also wear fetish gear as a part of the scene.

6. Sexual Novelty

For the “wife,” it can be exciting to have sex with someone new. Ley says this can be especially true for women with high libidos, who may enjoy having varied sexual encounters.

Plus, you’re literally the star of the show. “The hotwife [feels] desired by both the bull and the cuck. It’s fun being the center of attention,” Zane adds.

Cuckolding vs. an Open Relationship: What’s the Difference?

Open relationships are simply when all parties are able to have sex with people outside of their primary relationship. Zane says that cuckolding is a specific kink that may (and can only) occur within the context of an open relationship, as it involves getting busy with people outside of a committed partnership. The main difference is that while partners in a consensually non-monogamous relationship may sleep with folks outside of that relationship, for those who practice cuckolding, one partner sleeping with someone else is an act of kink play in and of itself—one that actively involves all three parties. Ley adds that cuckolding often focuses more on the sexual activity of the wife, rather than the cuck. The cuck is often monogamous to the wife—or sometimes bisexual, engaging in sexual activity with the men who sleep with his wife.

Criss says that cuckolding scenes are less like consensual non-monogamy and instead are more in-line with CNC (consensual non-consent), in that the power dynamics of this kind of play are intended to mimic non-consensual infidelity. Essentially, the scene is made to look like the man doesn’t want his wife to have sex with someone else, but in reality, he totally does.

“In this case, the cuckold (husband) is excited about his hotwife (wife) having sexual encounters with another partner outside of the traditional marriage commitment,” Criss says. “Consensual non-consent may be involved in terms of the hotwife’s selection of partner, timing, or place.”

5 Ways to Try Cuckolding (If This Is Something That Gets You Going)

1. Do Your Research

First, learn literally everything you can about cuckolding before trying it. Ley suggests reading his book, Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and The Men Who Love Them, with your partner. This book deeply explores the ins and outs of cuckolding and open relationships. It’s a must-read for anyone looking to dive into this kind of play.

2. Start With Fantasy

Starting slow is a must, must, must! Jumping into a cuckolding scenario without proper planning is a recipe for disaster.

Instead, try manifesting the scene in your head and/or dirty-talking about it with your partner. This will give you a chance to try on the fantasy in a safe and contained way. You can watch some cuckolding-style porn, read erotica, or even role play. Zane suggests trying the following: Have the hotwife talk about past sexual experiences she’s had with a dominant man. The hotwife can humiliate the cuck by talking about how pathetic he is and how she wishes she was having sex with a more dominant and virile man.

3. Set Expectations and Boundaries

Before you try a cuck scene, everything needs to be thoroughly discussed in detail. You need to think about what sexual acts are on the table, how you want the scene to play out, and what kind of language is acceptable. Criss says that when it comes to scenes with humiliation, you have to be really mindful and intentional of boundaries. Awareness is key. When it comes to doing these scenes in real life, Zane says that “there should be no surprises.” Stick to the script, folks.

4. Have a Safe Word

A safe word is your golden ticket in kink scenes. You may think a cuck scene is going to be the hottest thing in the entire world and then once it happens, it might turn out to be not at all what you pictured.

“We can’t predict how sexual experiences are going to make us feel, no matter how hard we may try,” Zane says. “That’s why you can stop the scene at any point using the safe word.”

While it may feel awkward to pull a boundary mid-scene, it is SO important to speak up if you’re not feeling comfortable. “If someone does use the safe word, you don’t need to explain yourself,” Zane tells us. “You can just say that you’re really not enjoying the scene the way you had hoped.”

’Nough said.

5. Be Respectful of Everyone Involved

Just like in any group sex situation, the feelings, boundaries, and needs of every single person in the scene should be taken into consideration.

And this is not just for the primary couple. This respect also needs to be extended to the bull, too. Criss says that even if this is a one-time experience, the third party is still a human being and they need to be treated as such. Everyone deserves to have the scene happen in a way that feels sexy, safe, and authentic for them.

When done with intention and care, a cuckolding scene can be very spicy and enjoyable for one and all. Remember: Don’t yuck anyone else’s yum. Everyone deserves to have the amazing, creative, and wild sexual experiences they desire—without judgment.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Women’s sex lives were a mystery to men. Then along came Shere Hite

— A new documentary celebrates the life of the feminist pioneer who shocked the world – and about time too

‘Clever, spikey, ethereal’: Shere Hite in 2006.

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In a society in which nine-year-olds watch pornography and song lyrics are more explicit than The Kama Sutra, the revolution that Shere Hite helped to bring about in the 1970s, employing the words vagina, clitoris and masturbation, on primetime television for a start, is easily forgotten – which is exactly what has happened.

The Disappearance of Shere Hite, a documentary made by Nicole Newnham and produced by Dakota Johnson, and released in the UK this weekend, charts Hite’s rise in the 70s and her decline by the 1990s. “It’s just as simple as know yourself, not your role,” she says as advice to herself. “It’s hellish hard.”

In 1976, The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality was published. By the time of the author’s death in 2020, it had sold 48m copies in many countries and was banned in almost a dozen.

The documentary charts how, over a period of four years, Hite had sent out thousands of questionnaires asking detailed questions that probably hadn’t even been asked at the consciousness raising sessions then emerging in the second wave of the women’s movement and at the gatherings in which participants equipped with mirrors took at a look at their own vulvas, aghast or overjoyed with what they spied. It was a fun time to be alive.

“Does your partner realise you come when you come?” Hite asked her anonymous respondents. She received thousands of replies to dozens of detailed questions. One woman was in her 10th week as a cook with an all-male crew on a freighter in the North Sea. “I enjoy sex,” she wrote, in itself a challenge to the prevailing stereotype that nice girls thought it an unpleasant but necessary business. “I enjoy sex… but never have I experienced a more concentrated dose of chauvinism than being the only woman on a freighter with young men I am unwilling to fuck.”

In the documentary, Shere (pronounced “share”, born Shirley Diana Gregory) Hite talks coolly about the shocking revelation (at least to many men) that women had orgasms easily when they masturbated and that they preferred clitoral stimulaton to vaginal penetrative sex, a challenge to what the sexologists Masters and Johnson had asserted.

Whether you agreed with her or not – and plenty of feminists such as the redoubtable Lynne Segal in Straight Sex rightly took her to task for her oversimplification – Hite was trying to point out that the lack of words to portray the female sexual experience was an example of the patriarchy in action. The clitoris, whose only role is to provide pleasure, might have been discovered and illustrated in medical journals in the 17th century but by the early 20th century its value had been eroded.

In 1987, Hite published Women and Love: A Cultural Revolution in Progress. Her responses this time told her that women were fed up, they wanted intimacy and emotional connectedness with men. I interviewed her at the time. As the documentary portrays very accurately, Hite was unique: clever, spikey, ethereal with almost see-through alabaster skin, a cloud of curls, white eyelashes and a soft, baby voice. As an interviewee in the documentary says, Hite had made herself a brand. In the 1970s and 80s, it still wasn’t acceptable to be female with a brain, beauty, wit and a publicly viewed vulva (Hite had hers photographed often by the German photographer Iris Brosch in later years); a scholar and a slut.

The joy of the documentary is that it provides a history of the women’s movement in which Hite felt at home. Bisexual, she was an advocate for gay rights at a time when it was dangerous to do so. She had featured in Playboy, and, as a model, in an ad for Olivetti typewriters: ”The typewriter that’s so smart she doesn’t have to be.” Sexism was that bad, and worse.

Hite confessed to her modelling past and the liberationists took her to their heart. On one occasion, she asked those in the room to raise their hands if they masturbated; nobody moved. The idea for the first Hite report was born.

Hite, whose 16-year-old mother dumped her with her grandparents, had two history degrees. When she and her fellow activists picketed Washington’s National Museum of Natural History – “the Unnatural History Museum – women were only portrayed stirring a pot and holding a baby. I was studying the past,” Hite says in the documentary. “Because I couldn’t understand the present… why couldn’t everyone have an equal chance?”

Hite wrote half a dozen books; her report on women’s sex lives was followed by The Hite Report on Male Sexuality, published in 1981 and drawn from 7,239 questionnaires. Reading some, her editor, Bob Gottlieb, said: “I haven’t had many sadder experiences as an editor in my life.” Men said they were lonely, some were afraid. Other men reacted angrily. The backlash had already begun because Hite called herself a social scientist.

In a letter to the New York Times in 1981, she noted that “science” comes from the Latin root “to know”. Hite had employed percentages in her books – but percentages of what, her critics asked? Seventy per cent of 10 or 1,000? Regardless of the numbers, as Oprah Winfrey says in the documentary, “Nobody can deny there’s a problem.”

By the 1990s, Hite was in financial trouble and couldn’t get her books published in the US. In 1996, she became a German citizen, having married Friedrich Höricke, a couple of decades her junior in 1985. She developed Alzheimer’s disease and Parkinson’s and died aged 77. In her New York Times review of The Hite Report, Erica Jong quotes a character in Doris Lessing’s The Golden Notebook (1962): “Women of any sense know better, after all these centuries, than to interrupt when men start telling them how they feel about sex.” Shere Hite deserves to be remembered.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!