First of all, sorry for my bad english, I’m foriener. I live in Cambodia and sometime in Thailand. I really has a big problem, I’m so afraid of getting HIV. Last week I went to have an oil massage service in cambodia. The massager offered me a speacial service, using her naked body to rubb or grind all over my body. Not intend to have an unprotected sex, so she just gave me a hand job. No any outercourse activities were performed. Only her outer vagina accidently touch (contact) to my penis just 2-3 second when she got up off my body. I think she may be have or may be not have any vagina secretion or other fluied. But I still worried of getting and hiv if her outer vagina touched to the tip of my penis . So, here is my question 1. Do I have any risk or chance of getting an hiv? 2.Should I have to worried? Or do I have to get blood test? I’m really sure that no any insertion penis to the vagina, no intercourse, just accidently “touch” for 2-3 second. All comments are worth for me. Please give me your opinion.
If you are accurately describing what happened between you and the sexually aggressive masseuse, then I don’t think you have anything to worry about in terms of HIV transmission. Were you able to wash up after the event? A little soap and water is always helpful. There is virtually no chance that an accidental brushing of your cock on her pussy lips is gonna give you HIV. So relax, dude!
That being said, I suggest you get tested anyway; and here’s why. I am of the mind that all sexually active people should test for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections regularly…at least twice a year. All you sexual athletes out there should test every other month. You shouldn’t even think about it, you should just do it. It is painless, discreet, but most importantly, it’s the responsible thing to do. If you make it part of your lifestyle, then there’ll be no embarrassment associated with the trip to your doctor or the local clinic. Make this happen, people!
Location: Salt Lake City
I travel a lot for work and often get really lonely on long trips. I’m not much for going to bars, because I don’t drink. And the idea of looking for sex in a bathhouse or sex club, or worse in the bushes, really puts me off. Lately I’ve been thinking I should just hire an escort, but I wouldn’t even know what to do. This must be a pretty common phenomenon thought because I see tons of ads for escorts on line in every city I go to. Any suggestions on how someone new at this might proceed?
Sure darlin’, I have a load of suggestions.
I presume you’ve ordered out for food on occasion while you travel for business, right? Finding a satisfying “order out” sexual adventure is not fundamentally different than that. In the case of an escort, the commodities are charming company, erotic massage, and perhaps a little sex; instead of potstickers, mu shu pork and Kung Pao Chicken.
As you know, not all order out is created equal. There is bad food and unsavory escorts. So you’re gonna need to do some homework. You already know there are loads of escort or rent-boy sites on the net. There are also several review sites, where customers of the providers leave their comments regarding levels of satisfaction and the like. Most escorts out there, particularly the really good ones, immediately call your attention to the reviews they receive. This is a good policy for both provider and consumer alike. It’s like having the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval stamped on your ass.
I have a sense that some of my readers are turning up their nose at this discussion. I often hear from folks that they don’t have to PAY for sex. Oh yeah? Here’s the thing, sex fans; no sex is free. There may not be direct commerce in hard cold cash, but there’s a commercial aspect to all sex…even, or should I say especially, in marriage. So if we could jettison the moral high-horse thing, right about now, I’d appreciate it.
Ok, so now that we have that out of the way, we can get back to your question, Gabe. Once you’ve decided to proceed, start by interviewing a few working boys. This can initially be done via email. Ask for further information about his services and rates. Many escorts have more photos of themselves available to be sent to prospective clients; so you might respectfully request those. If at all possible, include a photo of yourself, or at the very least an accurate description of yourself.
In all communication with the service provider, NEVER suggest that you are offering money for sex. In most jurisdictions that’s against the law. While we all know that the client hopes to get laid in the encounter, the money exchanged is not for the sex. Rather it’s for the provider’s time, company and expertise. This may sound like splitting hairs and maybe it is. But in this arrangement, if sex actually happens, consenting adults are mutually agreeing to it during the prearranged time together.
Curiously enough, many of the sex professionals I know, and I know a lot of ‘em, tell me that a sizable portion of their clientele only want their company and companionship. Outright sex never enters the equation.
Finding the right escort for you is your task. Know what you want and know how to ask for it. Don’t waste your time or that of the provider by beating around the bush. If you are new at this, say so. The rent-boy, if he’s any good at all, will be familiar with this territory and help you though the initial conversation.
There are different levels of pros out there; each will have his own fee structure for services provided. If you’re looking for something kinky, be ready to pay lots more. Never try to haggle with the provider. If he’s out of your price range, move along. Or you could simply come right out with it and say, “Listen, I have X amount of money to spend and I’m looking for some delightful company. Are you available?” This way you let the provider decide if he has the time to spare at the discounted rate. You’d be a fool not to insist on safe-sex, but there’s a shit-load of fools out there.
Not all sex workers are prostitutes because they want to be. Some are supporting a drug habit, some are working their way though college. For some it’s survival sex. For others it’s acting out behavior. But most guys turn pro because they’re good at what they do. And most enjoy the accompanying lifestyle. The truly successful provider will have a string of regulars, men they have a somewhat more intimate connection with. Kinda like finding a great Chinese restaurant and becoming a regular there. The proprietor may just offer you something not found on the menu as a way of acknowledging your preferred customer status. Get it?
Some Johns, use the service of an agency — think Elliot Spitzer. Sometimes that can be a more reliable way to go at first. However, I am of the mind that the hard-working independent entrepreneur is best.
When arranging an outcall to your hotel, there may be an additional surcharge for traveling time and transportation — think gas prices. This should be agreed upon before the deal is struck.
Most independent escorts offer both incalls as well as outcalls. They usually work out of their home or apartment and many of these escorts have day jobs. Some independent escorts also work in the porn industry. If this floats your boat, you will definitely pay a premium for a date with a star.
You’ll also find among the independent providers that unique phenomenon — Gay For Pay. These guys are ostensibly “straight”…and I put that word in quotes and use it very lightly. GFP guys have gay sex with gay men for money. In the old days, we used to refer to them as trade. And as we in the business say, “today’s trade is tomorrow’s competition;” if you catch my drift.
At any rate, like I said at the beginning, a wise and informed consumer is happy and satisfied consumer.
Location: valparaiso, florida
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year we have always had frontal sex and last night we had anal sex does this mean there is a change in his feelings in our relationship or just to try something different?
Since I am of the mind that anal sex is a natural variation of human sexual expression, which is enjoyed by loads and loads of people all over the world, I suspect that your boyfriend was just trying something different. I wouldn’t read too much into it if I were you. However, the only way to know for sure is ask him outright.
What’s so curious about your message is that you say absolutely nothing about your response to this new sex play. Did it come as a surprise? Is it safe to assume you were the bottom during this little adventure? Was this a new experience for you? Did you enjoy it? Gosh, seems to me you have lots to talk about with the BF, right? I mean, if I’m curious as all get-out about your reactions, and I don’t even know you; imagine how interested he must be in hearing from you. Why he doesn’t just ask is beyond me.
One thing I’d love to know is, if you bottomed this time, is there a chance he’ll bottom for you in the future? Pegging (you know, you with a strap-on or a SHARE) is all the rage these days. In fact, in my private practice I often see straight men who are curious about ass play…their ass. But they’re afraid to bring up the topic of pegging with their girlfriends or wives, because they think the women might think they’ve turned queer. That simply isn’t the case. One of the suggestions I often make to my butt-curious male clients is that they initiate anal sex with their female partners…the chick as the bottom. Then if that goes well, they could suggest that their partner pleasure their bum in just the same way.
I know it’s kind of a roundabout way of asking for what you want, but it often gets the job done.
In honor of gay pride month, a little sex history lesson — The Stonewall Riots
The confrontations between demonstrators and police at The Stonewall Inn, a mafia owned bar in Greenwich Village NYC over the weekend of June 27-29, 1969 are usually cited as the beginning of the modern Lesbian/Gay liberation Movement. What might have been just another routine police raid on a bar patronized by homosexuals became the pivotal event that sparked the entire modern gay rights movement.
The Stonewall riots are now the stuff of myth. Many of the most commonly held beliefs are probably untrue. But here’s what we know for sure.
- In 1969, it was illegal to operate any business catering to homosexuals in New York City — as it still is today in many places in the world. The standard procedure was for New York City’s finest to raid these establishments on a regular basis. They’d arrest a few of the most obvious ‘types’ harass the others and shake down the owners for money, then they’d let the bar open as usual by the next day.
- Myth has it that the majority of the patrons at the Stonewall Inn were black and Hispanic drag queens. Actually, most of the patrons were probably young, college-age white guys lookin for a thrill and an evening out of the closet, along with the usual cadre of drag queens and hustlers. It was reasonably safe to socialize at the Stonewall Inn for them, because when it was raided the drag queens and bull-dykes were far more likely to be arrested then they were.
- After midnight June 27-28, 1969, the New York Tactical Police Force called a raid on The Stonewall Inn at 55 Christopher Street in NYC. Many of the patrons who escaped the raid stood around to witness the police herding the “usual suspects” into the waiting paddywagons. There had recently been several scuffles where similar groups of people resisted arrest in both Los Angeles and New York.
- Stonewall was unique because it was the first time gay people, as a group, realized that what threatened drag queens and bull-dykes threatened them all.
- Many of the onlookers who took on the police that night weren’t even homosexual. Greenwich Village was home to many left-leaning young people who had cut their political teeth in the civil rights, anti-war and women’s lib movements.
- As people tied to stop the arrests, the mêlée erupted. The police barricaded themselves inside the bar. The crowd outside attempted to burn it down. Eventually, police reinforcements arrived to disperse the crowd. But this just shattered the protesters into smaller groups that continued to mill around the streets of the village.
- A larger crowd assembled outside the Stonewall the following night. This time young gay men and women came to protest the raids that were commonplace in the city. They held hands, kissed and formed a mock chorus line singing; “We are the Stonewall Girls/We wear our hair in curls/We have no underwear/We show our pubic hair.” Don’t ‘cha just love it?
- Police successfully dispersed this group without incident. But the print media picked up the story. Articles appeared in the NY Post, Daily News and The Village Voice. Theses helped galvanize the community to rally and fight back.
- Within a few days, representatives of the Mattachine Society and the Daughters of Bilitis (two of the country’s first homophile rights groups) organized the city’s first ever “Gay Power” rally in Washington Square. Some give hundred protesters showed up; many of them gay and lesbians.
The riots led to calls for homosexual liberation. Fliers appeared with the message: “Do you think homosexuals are revolting? You bet your sweet ass we are!” And the rest, boys and girls, is as they say is history.
During the first year after Stonewall, a whole new generation of organizations emerged, many identifying themselves for the first time as “Gay.” This not only denoted sexual orientation, but a radical way to self-identify with a growing sense of open political activism. Older, more staid homophile groups soon began to make way for the more militant groups like the Gay Liberation Front.
The vast majority of these new activists were under thirty; dr dick’s generation, don’t cha know. We were new to political organizing and didn’t know that this was as ground-breaking as it was. Many groups formed on colleges campuses and in big cities around the world.
By the following summer, 1970, groups in at least eight American cities staged simultaneous events commemorating the Stonewall riots on the last Sunday in June. The events varied from a highly political march of three to five thousand in New York to a parade with floats for 1200 in Los Angeles. Seven thousand showed up in San Francisco.
Finally, HAPPY FATHER’S DAY! all you hot daddies.
Location: Atlanta GA
Dr Dick I have a large dick and would like to know if size does make a difference, mine is 11.5 X 7 I have a problem sometimes with this size, they say it is all in how you use it is this true. Thanks T/Tom
You must think I was born yesterday. NEXT!
hi, um i know i’m young and all but with the world today you’ll see anything, and the thing is is that i’m OBSESSED with penises (and really want to suck one, but wont and cant since i’m so young) and um i don’t know if its my teenage hormones or not, could u suggest what is wrong with me? thank you very much, bye.
Fourteen year old female OBSESSED with penises? I think not. You too must think I was born yesterday.
Ya know, folks, if you’re gonna make up shit, the least you can do is be creative. Plausibility is also a requirement. NEXT!
If I bareback with another guy and he sperms in my ass will I get an STD if he doesn’t have one? If I drink another guy’s sperm will I get an STD if he had no STD?
Are you on acid?
Perhaps, someone who’s unable to logically put 2 and 2 together is not yet mature enough for partnered sex. Perhaps, that person should stick to pullin’ his pud.
Hi Dr. I am a 22 years old male and I have two questions. 1- me and my boyfriend are having anal sex without using condoms, does that affect any of us in any way? 2- my penis is straight which is good, but is there any way that I could make it curve upwards?
WTF? Is this an epidemic of idiocy, or what?
(1) You’re 22 and you still haven’t got the message about the risks of barebacking? If you boys aren’t HIV- and in an exclusive relationship and you’re lovin’ without a glove; then you’re courting disaster. I guess this is one way to cull the herd.
(2) if your unit is straight, that’s the way it’s gonna stay. You won’t be able to train it to curve upward or any other direction.
Can a person catch h.i.v by swallowing the cum of a h.i.v. positive lover?
D’oh! You’re 45 and still don’t know the score about HIV transmission? Have you been living under a rock all these years?
Swapping bodily fluids is a sure-fire way of spreading the disease.
hey, i’ve been finding that while having sex with my g/f that my foreskin is being pulled back upon entry, i’m pretty sure it’s meant to do this anyway when it’s erect but it never really has and frankly i find it a little bit painful. when masturbating i don’t pull it back and it doesn’t decrease pleasure, what do you think i should do?
Sounds like you need to stretch your foreskin so that it will easily retract over your dickhead whenever you want it to.
I’ve written and spoken about this extensively in the past. See the CATEGORY section to the left — in the sidebar? Look of the category Foreskin. Click on that and it will take you to all my podcasts and postings on the topic.
i am uncircumcised and my foreskin and frenulum are perfectly intact. i recently read a blog that said that the first time you have sex your foreskin will “snap” back. if this is true, does it hurt? if not, will how will my foreskin bend back?
Nope, that’s untrue…all of it! But you have come to the right place for information about all things that relate to your natural (uncut) cock.
Did you notice the advice I gave to the fella (John) above you? Good! Because that information applies to you too.
It’s too bad that your dad (or parents) didn’t taken the time to clue you into what you can expect from, or how to properly care for your foreskin. It’s his (their) responsibility, ya know. Alas, many parents shirk their duty in this regard.
Listen up parents! Do the right thing. Sit the youngens down for the body/sex talk, why don’t cha already? If ya don’t, your kids will be saddled with all sorts of myths and misconceptions, like the one presented by this young pup. Passing on clear, unambiguous information about their body (including their genitals) and sex is as much your responsibility as putting food on the table.
And finally, mom and dad, if you are unclear about the nuts and bolts of how our bodies work and/or the ins and outs of sex; educate yourself before you lay the info on the kiddies. Remember, it’s your job to educate and enlighten, not add to their misinformation.
Location: NEW YORK
Would you cover the topic of sex after prostate surgery? It’s been 16 months since my surgery and i notice a decrease in my penis size. Why did that happen and will it return to normal?
Not only will I, but I already have!
See the CATEGORY section to the left — in the sidebar? Look of the category Prostatectomy
Click on that and it will take you to two podcasts I’ve done on the topic.
As to the decrease in the size of your unit; I’d guess that it has something to do with the trauma your genital area received during surgery. I’d be willing to bet that a whole lotta slow and pleasurable massage/masturbation will increase the oxygen-rich blood flow to the area and this will, in time, restore your willie to its former stature.
hi there. i have a webbed penis is it necessary 2 correct this and does it hinder foreskin restoration stretch exercises which seem 2 be working very slowly
The term “webbed penis” can refer two different conditions. The first is where the skin of the scrotal sack extends part way up the shaft of the penis. Boys are born this way.
The second condition is a result of adhesions forming between the scrotal skin and the penile skin due to a botched circumcision.
Since you’re practicing foreskin restoration, I’m gonna guess that your condition is the result of a bungled circumcision.
It’s a bummer when an over-zealous doc (or Mohel) docks too much of a boy’s foreskin. It can make for painful erections when he get older. Sadly, this happens way more frequently then most people realize. There’s no way to correct this. In fact, if I were you, Steven, I’d keep my precious cock as far away from a scalpel as possible. I think enough damage has been done already, don’t you?
The foreskin restoration exercises you’re doing will help stretch the skin of your dick shaft and offer you some relief, especially if your erections cause a painful tightening of your dick skin. But, as you suggest, this will take a long time to achieve. I encourage you to keep at it though, because it’s truly worth the effort.
Last year I contracted genital herpes. It eventually cleared up and fortunately has not re occurred. If I have fellatio performed on me and subsequently ejaculate, will I be placing my partner at risk of catching the herpes? Even though I show no symptoms of the disease? I would appreciate your advice. Regards, Mike.
Did you know that there are two herpes viruses? There’s the HSV-1 type (cold sores) and HSV-2 type (genital herpes). Did you know that up to 80 percent of adults have HSV-1 and 25 percent of adults have HSV-2? Kinda amazing, huh?
Obviously it’s pretty easy to catch one or both strains. A whole lotta infected people don’t even know they’ve been infected. Because they never have an outbreak, or the outbreak they have is so inconspicuous they don’t even notice.
Since you know you have herpes, Mike, it’s incumbent upon you to be upfront with your partner(s) about it. Just because you don’t notice an outbreak, doesn’t mean you can’t pass on the infection. That being said, since one out of every four adults has already been exposed, the information you will be sharing won’t be all that startling.
Being upfront with your partner(s) gives him/her the opportunity to make an informed decision about going down on your pole without a condom. And certainly as to weather or not he/she decides to accept the “gift” of your spunk, if ya catch my drift.
Anything less than full disclosure would mark you as a man who has no regard for the wellbeing and best interests of his partner(s).
Good luck ya’ll
A couple of weeks ago you responded to an Iraq vet who was having trouble in his marriage because he couldn’t get it up due to his PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I want to thank you for discussing that. It was helpful to me too. I’m an Iraq vet. I lost my right leg, to just above the knee and three fingers on my left hand to an IED. I think I’m doing ok with the physical rehabilitation. My prosthesis is state of the art and I’m even learning to run again. I joke that I’m the bionic man. Here’s what’s freaking me out though. I’m getting hit on by some really hot chicks, the kind I never could score with before Iraq. I come to discover they are hot for my leg stump. And I’m gettin all skeezed out by it. I’m passing up getting laid because this is fucking with my head. What gives with this shit?
Dude, you’ve stumbled upon, no pun intended, a silver lining of sorts, of being an amputee. Honestly, I’m not pulling your leg here, your good leg that is. Ok, ok really this is for real, Cade. But I think you already know that, huh?
Let’s begin with a definition. There is a fetish, or a paraphilia, if you prefer, called Acrotomophilia, or amputee love. It’s relatively rare, but there is a sizable Internet presence. You need only do a search for “amputee love” to get you started. These folks, often called devotees, are turned on by the limbless among us.
Here’s an interesting phenomenon, with the spike in seriously maimed vets returning from our numerous war zones and the media attention they’re getting these days — thanks the inadequate care some are receiving at our nation’s veteran’s hospitals — this fetish is growing by leaps and bounds.
A couple of weeks ago, I was having a beer with a bunch of gay men. We were discussing the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and the horrific images we were seeing on tv. Without missing a beat, a couple of the men in the group started talking about the number of totally hot young vets they were seeing on the news. Sure they had missing limbs, but for some in the group that made them even hotter. A couple other guys were goin on and on about how they would get off on servicing some of these returning service men. Instead of the conversation weirding out the whole group, as I thought it might, most of the guys were like getting totally into it.
I was being quizzed about the sexual issues, of course. Does an amputation affect a guy’s ability to get it up? …and things like that. I was totally blown away. Not by their questions, but by the fact that these men, who would otherwise be put off by a guy with a bad haircut; were beginning to fetishize seriously maimed vets. Then I thought to myself, OMG, I am watching the birth of some brand new baby devotees. And that, my friend, is how all fetishes begin.
I realize that you must be facing enormous hurtles, Cade, (again no pun intended) to regain your sense of self after the disfigurement and amputation. It hardly seems fair to throw yet another curve ball your way. But, as we all know, life is supremely unfair. I suspect that you’re already feeling enough like an oddity without some chick — even a sizzilin’ hot one — coming on to you because of what you’ve lost. And that’s why I suggest you withhold judgment about all of this until you have a bit more information about this particular fetish and it’s practitioners.
Many amputees go through life without ever meeting a devotee. Others have intimate experience with these fetishists. One thing for sure, even though a devotee’s interest in you may creep you out; you can be certain that their interest is sincere. They are not like most of the other well-meaning people you’ll meet in your new life as a bionic man. A devotee will not pity or patronize you. Devotees, curiously enough, see you as more whole and desirable than those who have no missing parts. In other words, devotees are hot for you for how you are. This is definitely not a “let’s pity fuck the gimp” sorta thing. I know this can be mind-bending, but I hope you can see the fundamental difference between the two.
Some amputee/devotee relationships are long-term, marriage and children included. Others are more recreational in nature. I suppose that if you have your head screwed on right, you’ll be able to discern what might be best for you, if any of this appeals to you. Actually, in this realm, you’re absolutely no different than all your non-maimed peers. They too are trying to make sense of how love, sex and intimacy fit together.
I know some amputees are put off by devotees. They’re indignant that someone would objectify them for their stumps and not accept them as a human being first. Well, ya can hardly argue with that, can ya? But in reality, all of us do our share of objectifying. What about all the guys who flock around the blond with the big rack? You know they only see her tits and not her brain. Is the amputee/devotee thing any different? I think not.
You know how you are doing all this physical therapy to regain your ability to walk and run with your new bionic leg and foot? Well, there’s probably as much emotional and psychological therapy you need to do to adapt yourself to your new maimed-self. Part of this psychological adjustment may be embracing and celebrating the fact that you are now an object of desire for a whole new group of folks.
So ok, your hotness is not the same hotness you may have had pre-Iraq, but it’s hotness none the less. You may not yet appreciate how a person could be sexually attracted to another person simply because of an amputation. Hell, the devotee may not even know why he or she is wired this way, but that don’t make it any less a fact. The confusion that can result from these desires or being the object of these desires can often sabotage a perfectly viable amputee/devotee sexual relationship.
Acrotomophilia, like all fetishes and paraphilias is learned behavior. Some devotees recall early childhood erotically charged encounters with women or men who were amputees. But just as plausible is the fetish began like the story I recounted at the beginning of my response — a group of people fantasizing about sex with a hot vet, who happens to be an amputee. You can see how just a little of that highly charged erotic reinforcement could turn anyone into a devotee. So it’s not so mysterious after all, is it?
I realize you didn’t choose this for yourself. But, for the most part, none of us is really in charge of what we eroticize, or what others eroticize about us. I know I nearly went to pieces the first time someone referred to me as a daddy. It wasn’t till I came to grips with the fact that I was no longer a young man, and that younger men might find me desirable, even at my seriously advanced age, that the whole daddy thing settled in with me.
What you do with all this information, Cade, if anything, is completely up to you. Will you embrace your new bionic gimp hotness and let it take you for a ride? Or will you resist? Either way, at least you’ll be a bit more informed about what gives with this shit.
Location: Springfield IL
My parents were Laurel Canyon hippies of the first order, free love, drugs and all that stuff. I used to be disgusted by all the sex my parents were having with other people. I just couldn’t understand why they didn’t just want to be with one another or divorce and remarry someone else. As soon as I could, I left the west coast for the Midwest. Now all these years later my own marriage is in trouble. My husband unilaterally ended our sex life after the birth of our last child three years ago. I haven’t let myself go. I’m still very attractive and have even improved my body after the babies. But nothing I do brings him back to bed. He said that we have children now, and people with children don’t do that sort of thing!
To spite him for shutting me out, I turned to another man for sex. I just wanted to feel desirable again. I fear my affair will be found out and it will destroy my marriage. Funny thing, my parents with all their multiple sex partners remained happily married for 51 years till my father’s death two years ago. They were honest about their lives; I am not! I feel ashamed, but I am also having the best sex of my life and I won’t give it up.
My husband is a decent man and a good father. How can I continue to live this lie? If I come clean it will likely break up my family and I’ll look like a cheating slut. Is there any other option? I wish I would have been more accepting of my parent’s lifestyle; maybe the karma wouldn’t be so rough now.
Ahhh, bad luck doll! That karma thing can sure enough be a bitch. And it’ll bite you in the ass sure as shootin’.
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard this same story from a frustrated and desperate man or woman trapped in a sexless marriage, I’d have enough money to lay down my keyboard, give up my status as the most fabulous and revered sexpert in the universe and retire to Maui.
Unfortunately, by the time I hear from most of these people they have already suffered through years of abstinence, all the while begging and pleading for the sex they want, need and deserve. By the time they write to me it’s often way too late. The die is cast. They’re married with kids and often have a stray affair workin’ on the side. As you suggest, Tammy, it’s a pretty unbearable situation.
My first thoughts are that by the time things get to the point of sheer desperation, a happy ending is virtually impossible. A lot of people are gonna get hurt regardless of how this resolves it self. If that’s a given, mabe you should be asking yourself; what can be salvaged from the impending wreck?
Tammy, you write something very telling in your message to me. When talking about your parents you say; “They were honest about their lives; I am not!” In the end, if you can reclaim your integrity, regardless if it means the demise of your marriage and family as you currently know it, you will have regained something of inestimable value.
I also want to address your comment: “If I come clean it will likely break up my family and I’ll look like a cheating slut.” Perhaps, but at least you’ll no longer be a lyin’ cheatin’ slut. Come on, how could what others think of you trump what you already think of yourself. You are down on yourself because you expect sex in your marriage. And when that disappeared, you didn’t shut down as a sexual being. Does that alone make you so bad, a slut even?
I wholeheartedly believe that married people deserve a rich and fulfilling sex life, unless there’s mutual agreement for another arrangement. Unilaterally depriving a spouse of a rich and fulfilling sex life is an act of sexual violence. The kind of sexual violence that will cause frustration, anger and desperation. And inevitably lead to infidelity, which in turn destroys the marriage and traumatizes the kids. So Tammy, if you are a cheating slut, what does that make your husband? Neither you or your old man is without blame. So time to buck up, darlin’, and do the right thing. Regardless of how the chips fall.
And one more thing, you say you were disgusted by your parent’s hippy, free love lifestyle — at least they were open an up-front with you about who they were. Consider the trauma your kids will experience when they learn dear old mom was bumping someone other than dear old dad. What kind of example are you setting for them? You see where the honesty thing is a good idea right from the get go, huh?
Ok, so I think there’s a consensus that the truth must be told. I suggest that you generously offer your husband the first right of refusal. He may not deserve it, but that’s the way to go nonetheless. Offer to stay with him and raise your kids together, but not in a sexless marriage. If he can’t bring himself to bone you the way you need it, when you need it, with vigor and passion; then he needs to free you up to find that bone in someone else’s drawers. And if he can’t live the cuckold life he ought at least to be man enough to leave the marriage with as little stink as possible.
Name: Jack (not my real name)
I have a bunch of little bumps on my penis near the tip. Each one is kind of lumpy. They don’t really bother me. I’ve had them for a while, but now there seems to be more of them. Should I be concerned?
Yes, jack…not your real name, there is reason to be concerned.
Listen up everyone, whenever there’s a change in the look, feel or sensations in your genital area there is cause to have a medical professional look at the disturbance immediately. If you’re like jack…not his real name, you could have an infection that could be transmitted to your sex partners. It’s one thing to foolishly disregard your own health and wellbeing; it’s quite another thing all together to risk the health and wellbeing of an unsuspecting sex partner.
Sounds to me, jack…not your real name, that you have genital warts. They’re relatively easy to detect; small lumps that typically have an irregular cauliflower-like surface. Sound familiar? I thought so.
If you’ve been dippin’ your warty wick in some pussy, mouth or asshole, you’ve likely passed on the infection…thank you very much. And if it’s been pussy you’ve been messin’ with the lucky lady (or ladies) may now have warts inside their cunt.
Genital warts are pretty benign, but they’re mighty unsightly. Some people experience irritation and itching around the affected area. Women can get warts on the vulva and perineum but they can also appear on the vagina, cervix, and asshole. Men get warts most often on their dickhead and foreskin, but they may also appear on the shaft of your cock, scrotum, and asshole. And anyone can get them in their mouth.
A carrier of the virus doesn’t even have to have a visible outbreak for the infection to be transmitted. Probably, that’s how you got infected yourself; jack…not your real name.
Genital warts can be a bitch to get rid of, because, like all warts, these little devils have a tendency to reappear. Treatments may include: Liquid nitrogen to freeze small warts or another topical solution to treat warts inside the urethra, anus, mouth and/or the vagina.
Do us all a favor; jack…not your real name, consult your doctor ASAP.
Good luck, ya’ll
Hey I got a quick question for you.
Every time i have intercourse, a spot of skin on my penis, where my circumcision scar is, gets red and tender. it does not heal for a few days, and even when it looks like its gone, it comes back. It’s almost like that part of me is just missing layers of skin. My girlfriend and i use plenty of lube. Do you know anything i could do/ put on it to make the skin heal, or strengthen? I’m too embarrassed to make a doctor’s appointment, because my aunt is the receptionist.
The raw spots and/or rashes you have on your dick could be attributed to any number of things. It could be an allergic reaction to a condom, lube or even the laundry detergent you use to clean your undies. You do wear kickers, don’t you? If you’re all like commando style, then the wear and tear of that could effect your unit too.
It could be a yeast infection given to you by your partner who doesn’t know she has one herself. Penile candidiasis most often affects men with diabetes, uncircumcised men, or men whose female sex partners have vaginal candidiasis. Usually the infection produces a red, raw, sometimes painful rash on or near a guy’s dickhead, or sometimes on his balls.
Since there are a several plausible explanations of what is causing this mysterious raw spot, I must encourage both you and your GF to get checked out by a physician ASAP. There’s no shame in this. If you don’t want to see your regular GP, maybe you guys should consider a free, or drop-in clinic near you.
To leave this undiagnosed and untreated because you’re embarrassed is just plain irresponsible.
Does male nipple play excite all guys? Is there something wrong if it doesn’t? THANKS Dave
Nipples of either the male or female variety are potential erogenous zones. The operative word in that sentence is “potential”. Not everyone has yet awakened his/her nipples to the delicious positive sex charge they can (and do) have. Some folks don’t know about the connection between their nipples and their cock (or pussy for that matter), because they’ve not yet taken the time to put 2 and 2 together, don’t cha know.
What’s a person to do? Simple! Spend some time wakin’ up them babies. This is where full-body masturbation comes in handy. While you’re pullin your pud (or jillin’ off); move the building sexual energy from your groin to other parts of your body — nipples, feet, asshole, you name it.
If your nipples aren’t particularly sensitive to start with, you may need a bit more stimulation than merely lightly stroking ‘em. Some guys (and gals) find that the more erect their nips become, the more sensitive they are. No great mystery there, is suppose. To this end, some men (and women) employ some means of nipple enlargement. This might be done through clamps or suction. See Bully Nipple Clamps (C739), or a simple Snake Bite Kit (A300).
If you’re workin’ on yourself, you will be getting immediate feedback on how it’s goin’. If you’re workin’ on someone else, or someone else is workin’ your nips — start out nice and gentle like. Either you or your partner can ramp things up depending on the feedback you’re givin’ or gettin’.
I always think adding different sensations like heat (candle wax) or cold (ice cubes) is a way to make things more interesting. In other words, use your imagination. That’s why you have that block of whatever perched up on your shoulders.
Lately I’ve been noticing I am attracted to both males and females. So I don’t know if I am a lesbian or not? Is that normal?
Perhaps you are unclear on the concept. If you’re attracted to both women and men, you could hardly be a lesbian, right? I mean think it through, darlin’! A lesbian, by definition, is a woman who is ONLY sexually interested in other woman. Apparently, that rules you out…unless you are fooling yourself (and us) about being attracted to men.
All human sexuality is on a continuum. Probably it’s time to haul out my Handy Dandy Kinsey Scale for all of us to have a look-see.
Wait, are you familiar with the Kinsey Scale, right? The dean of American sex research, Alfred Kinsey, and his associates developed this 0 to 6 scale as a way of classifying a person’s sexuality in terms of both behavior and fantasy.
This is what they developed.
0- Exclusively heterosexual with no same-sex behavior or fantasy.
1- Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual — most likely in fantasy only.
2- Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual — fantasy for sure and possibly behavior too.
3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual in both behavior and fantasy.
4- Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual — fantasy for sure and possibly behavior too.
5- Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual — most likely in fantasy only.
6- Exclusively homosexual with no other-sex behavior or fantasy.
These pioneering sexologists also discovered that an individual could occupy a different position on this scale, at different periods in his/her life. It’s conceivable that one could go from Kinsey 0 to 6 in a lifetime, or just a afternoon at the Lilith Fair, if ya know what I’m gettin at. This seven-point scale comes close to showing the many gradations that actually exist in human sexual expression. Amazing, huh?
Location: San Francisco
I have been clean from meth for just over 6 years but was a hard-core user (injecting) from 1995 until March of 2002. Since then I have no sex drive and low self-confidence since my usage brought me to having Tardive Dyskinesia. What can I do to bring back my sex drive?
Yep, seven years of slammin’ crystal will seriously fuck ya up, no doubt about it. I heartily commend you on gettin’ and stayin’ clean. CONGRATULATIONS! I know for certain that ain’t easy.
You are right to say that the residual effects of years of meth use can devastate a person’s sexual response cycle. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons people take as long as they do to rid themselves of this poison. While they are using, they are dulled to the effects meth is having on their sexual expression.
Before we go any further, we’d better define Tardive dyskinesia for our audience. It is a condition characterized by repetitive, involuntary, movements. It’s like having a tic, but much worse. It can include grimacing, rapid eye blinking, uncontrollable arm and leg movements, etc. In other words, people with this condition have difficulty staying still. These symptoms may also induce a pronounced psychological anxiety that can be worse than the jerky movements.
That being said, there is hope for you, Augustt. Regaining a sense of sexual-self post addiction is an arduous, but rewarding task. With your self-confidence in the toilet and zero libido, I suggest that you connect with others in recovery first. They will probably be a whole lot more sympathetic to your travail than non-addicts.
Try connecting with people on a sensual level as opposed to a sexual level. I am a firm believer in massage and bodywork for this. If needs be, take a class or workshop in massage. Look for the Body Electric School Of Massage nearest you. They have load of training options. There are also good massage videos online. Check out Dr Dick’s How To Video Library.
You will be impressed with the good you’ll be able to do for others as well as yourself. Therapeutic touch — and in my book that also includes sensual touch — soothes so much more than the jangled nerves ravaged by drug and alcohol abuse. It gives the one doing the touch a renewed sense of him/herself a pleasure giver. The person receiving the touch will begin to reawaken sensory perceptions once thought lost. And a libido can bloom again.
I encourage you to push beyond the isolation I know you are feeling. Purposeful touching, like massage and bodywork will also, in time help take the edge off your Tardive dyskinesia. I know this can happen. I’ve seen it happen. Augustt, now you make it happen!
I am a 20 year old male and recently on a forum I post on someone was talking about how they had to get a circumcision as an adult because they had a condition called Phimosis. Up until a couple of days ago I thought that everything was completely normal down there, I have been able to masturbate normally for as long as I’ve been doing it. I’ve been doing a lot of reading on the internet about the condition and I think I might have it but I’m not really sure and I can’t bring myself to go to a doctor about it. I don’t have any picture now but I can take some and I’m wondering if you would be able to tell me if I have Phimosis simlpy by looking at pictures. Thanks for your help.
So you’re reading around on the internet…that’s a good thing. What’s not so good is that your casual reading around has brought you to the conclusion that you have a medical condition called phimosis. Even though, up to this point, you believed everything in your nether regons was working perfectly fine.
That’s the problem with having just a little information. It tends to lead to more questions then answers.
You’re certainly welcome to send me photos of your unit, but I can’t promise that I’ll be able to tell you for sure if you have phimosis or not. If you do send photos, you will have to include some of your erection with your foreskin pulled back as far as it goes.
Let me ask, can you retract your skin over the top of your dickhead? Are you able to retract your foreskin while your dick is hard as well as soft? When you shower or bathe, do you clean out under your foreskin?
There are lots of ways to stretch your foreskin, so you shouldn’t have to worry about circumcision. May I suggest that you take your time and read around my site for all the posting and podcasts that I’ve done under the topic “foreskin”. And there’s more under the topic “Uncut“.
Good luck ya’ll