Google reveals top sex questions people asked in 2023

By Emily Brown

Google has revealed the top sex questions people asked this year – and it’s made me slightly concerned for everyone who lived before the internet.

Honestly, what the hell did people do before its creation?

You’re telling me they nipped over to the local library and scanned the shelves to find out the answers to their explicit questions?

I don’t think so.

But of course, with the creation of the internet also comes data that can be stored and analysed, allowing Google to come up with the very list we’re reporting on today.

It might be embarrassing to think about how Google probably knows exactly whether you’re among the people asking these questions, but at least you’ll know you’re not alone.

So, let’s get on with it shall we?

10 – How do fish have sex?

I bet that’s not where you thought we’d be starting, is it? But it’s a valid enough question, even if it’s never crossed your mind before.

If you’re curious now, I can tell you that fish apparently aren’t so bothered about having sex as they are with reproducing.

Spawning fish get themselves into what’s known as a ‘nuptial embrace’, where the male wraps his body around the female and releases milt into the water, while the female releases eggs which are then immediately fertilized.

Fish are more bothered about having babies than getting busy. Credit: Pixabay
Fish are more bothered about having babies than getting busy.

9 – Why do I have no sex drive female

There are a number of things that can lower your sex drive as a woman, including relationship problems, stress, anxiety or depression, sexual problems, pregnancy, medicines and hormonal contraception.

If you’re worried about low sex drive, you can get in touch with your GP for advice.

8 – What is anal sex?

Loads of you might be clued up on exactly what anal sex is, but clearly there are a lot of people still out there wondering.

To put it simply, anal sex involves penetration of the anus, rather than the vagina.

You wouldn't want to ask about anal sex in a library. Credit: Pixabay
You wouldn’t want to ask about anal sex in a library.

7 – How long after a miscarriage can you have sex?

As well as dealing with the emotional effects of miscarriage, there are also a number of physical effects which can impact sex.

People may bleed for a period of time following a miscarriage, during which time

the cervix is dilated wider than normal, making it more prone to infection.

To help ensure you can carry out healthy sex, doctors recommend waiting at least two weeks after miscarriage before inserting anything into the vagina.

6 – How many calories do you burn during sex?

Is it possible to really get a good workout from pleasure?

Research indicates that you can at least equate some fun in the bedroom to light exercise – with one study conducted by the University of Quebec at Montreal revealing that men burned an average of 101 calories in 24 minutes, while women burned 69 calories.

No, I’m not making that number up.

Sex can be considered light exercise. Credit: Pexels
Sex can be considered light exercise.

5 – How many dates should you go on before having sex?

Ah, the age-old question. What is the perfect number? Some live by the three-date rule, while others want to wait until they hit four or five.

Ultimately, it comes down to your own preferences; when you’re ready, whether you actually still like the person after a few dates, and whether you actually want to have sex with them.

4 – Why do I bleed after having sex?

The NHS states there are a number of reasons women may bleed after having sex, including an infection, vaginal dryness or damage to the vagina.

In rare instances, bleeding after sex can be a sign of cervical or vaginal cancer.

If you’re concerned, contact your GP for advice.

3 – What is sex positivity?

There are varying definitions of sex positivity, but generally it’s about openness and appreciation of sex, including sexual orientations, interests, identities and expressions.

Embrace and enjoy it!

Sex positivity is about embracing and appreciating sex. Credit: Pexels
Sex positivity is about embracing and appreciating sex.

2 – Can you have sex when pregnant?

There have been a few jokes made on TV and in films about whether the baby could be impacted by the sudden appearance of an unexpected guest in the vagina, but I can assure you that, unless you’ve been specifically advised by a doctor or midwife to avoid sex, the baby will be fine.

A penis or toy wouldn’t penetrate beyond the vagina, meaning having sex is perfectly safe.

1 – What is speed bump sex position?

Here we are, at the most Googled sex question of 2023. I’m surprised positions didn’t come up sooner, but everyone’s clearly spent this year focused on one in particular.

So, what is the speed bump?

Popularized by Love Island star Tom Clare after he mentioned it on the show, the speed bump involves one person putting a pillow under their hips before lying face down.

The pillow forms the so-called ‘speed bump’, though I’m not sure how effective it is at getting people to slow down.

So there you have it, you’ve managed to learn the answers to the year’s top sex questions without becoming a Google statistic.

You’re welcome.

Complete Article HERE!

What to expect when you’re expecting

— How will your sex life change during pregnancy and postpartum?

The perinatal period can be hectic. It’s understandable that sex may be on the back burner for a little while.

By &

Welcoming a new baby is often a joyous experience for couples. While many couples take time to prepare for the arrival of their bundle of joy, fewer take time to prepare for challenges that can emerge in their sexual and romantic relationships during this period.

At The University of British Columbia’s Sexuality and Well-Being Lab (SWell), we conduct research to understand the factors that lead some couples to thrive during pregnancy and the postpartum while others struggle. We then use this research to develop resources to help couples navigate these changes together.

What to expect

Sexual challenges during pregnancy and the postpartum are common. Up to 88 per cent of people who give birth and 45 per cent of their partners experience problems with their sex life during this time.

With shifting roles and responsibilities, the perinatal period (pregnancy and up to one year postpartum) can be hectic. It’s understandable that sex may be on the back burner for a little while.

Studies conducted by our team and our collaborators at Dalhousie University have shown that many expectant and new parents desire sex less often and/or at different times than their partner.

Many couples report having distressing concerns about their sex life, such as body image or whether having sex during pregnancy will hurt the baby — FYI, it won’t. Approximately one in five people who gave birth report moderate pain during sex that either starts in pregnancy or after the baby is born.

Sexual problems usually get worse throughout pregnancy until three months postpartum, when they generally start improving.

A pregnant woman lying on her back and a smiling man lying beside her with his hand on her belly
Expectant and new parent couples often don’t know what to expect when it comes to their sex lives.

If this seems daunting, you’ll be encouraged to hear that despite sexual challenges being common, 64 per cent of couples say that they are still sexually satisfied during this time.

This is great news because having a strong sexual connection with your partner is important for your mental and physical health, and contributes to the longevity of your relationship.

The information gap

Expectant and new parent couples often don’t know what to expect when it comes to their sex lives. In a recent study sampling 204 couples across Canada and the United States, we found that up to 78 per cent of expectant and new parents received little to no information about changes to their sexuality. This is despite most individuals wanting to receive sex-related information!

Given that sexual problems are common and not inconsequential to the health of the romantic relationship, this lack of information for couples about what to expect regarding their perinatal sexuality is a problem.

On top of this information gap, the content of information that couples receive doesn’t match what they want to receive.

In our study, we found that expectant and new parents most often received information about things like safety of sexual activity in pregnancy, contraception, when to resume sex in the postpartum and information only relevant to the partner who gave birth.

What’s missing is reassurance that changes to sexuality are common and advice on how to manage changes. Information about the sexuality of the partner who didn’t give birth is also lacking, even though both members of the couple are affected. Expectant and new parents want a variety of information to help them be better prepared.

Research has also revealed that psychological factors such as postpartum depression, social factors such as divisions of labour and relationship factors such as coping together as a couple are important for couples’ sexual relationships in pregnancy and the postpartum.

Perhaps surprisingly, biological factors — such as whether the delivery was vaginal or caesarean, and the degree of tearing — are not strong predictors of sexual problems during this time.

Translating knowledge into practice

Health-care professionals feel they have a lack of knowledge and training to talk about sexual health with expectant and new parents, and worry that doing so would make them and/or their patients feel uncomfortable. However, our research showed that most couples would welcome these conversations.

Health-care professionals need training on how to initiate conversations about perinatal sexual health with expectant and new parents, but they also need to know the latest research in this area.

Researchers at Dalhousie University recently produced a series of short informational videos that summarize recent research on sex after having a baby. The goal of #PostBabyHankyPanky is to normalize changes to postpartum sexuality, encourage conversations about sex between partners and help health-care professionals feel more prepared to have these discussions with their patients.

If you’re a new or expectant parent and you’ve been noticing changes in your relationship, here’s some good news: Our research shows that when couples receive more information about what to expect regarding changes to their sex lives in pregnancy or the postpartum (like what you’ve read here) they report greater desire, engage in sex more often, feel more sexually satisfied and feel less worried about their sex lives.

Complete Article HERE!

Five important things you should have learned in sex ed

– But probably didn’t

It’s important to talk about sex with your partner.

By

If you grew up in the 90s and 00s, you may feel that sex education didn’t teach you much of practical value. Most sex education during this time followed a “prevention” approach, focusing on avoiding pregnancy and STIs, with most information largely targeted at heterosexual people.

While some schools are now making their sex education more “sex positive” and inclusive, that doesn’t change the fact that many in their 20s and 30s feel they’ve missed out on vital education that could have helped them better navigate the complex world of relationships and sexuality as adults.

But it’s never too late to learn. Here are five important lessons that sex ed should have taught you.

1. ‘Normal’ sex drive is a myth

Sex education never taught us that sex drive is highly variable and has no universal normal. While some may want sex several times a week, others may find once a month or less sufficient.

Regardless of how often you want or have sex, more important is understanding sex drive is affected by many factors, and may change throughout your lifetime. Many factors, such as hormone fluctuations, stress, certain medications (including antidepressants and hormonal contraceptives), as well lifestyle factors (such as smoking, drinking, exercise and diet) can all affect libido.

The most important thing is aspiring to understand your own sexual needs and desires and communicating these to your partner. This is important for personal wellbeing and healthy relationships.

Sex drive should only be considered problematic if you’re unhappy with it. If you’re concerned with it in any way, it’s worth checking with your GP.

2. Talking about sex is important

Many of us remember how sex ed tended to focus on discussing the harms that can come from sex. As such, some of us may now see the subject as taboo, and may shy away from talking about sex with our partner.

But research shows that sexual communication is associated with higher relationship and sexual satisfaction. When we openly communicate about sex, we’re revealing otherwise private aspects of ourselves (such as our desires or fantasies) to our partner. Doing so may, in turn, boost sexual satisfaction and feelings of intimacy, which may improve relationship satisfaction overall.

Thankfully, there’s ample advice online to help you learn how to start this conversation and know what sort of questions to ask your partner. Some relationship psychologists suggest starting these conversations as early as possible in relationships, to clarify needs and help ensure sexual compatibility.

They also suggest you continue sharing sexual fantasies as trust in the relationship grows, regularly asking your partner what they enjoy and sharing what you prefer as well.

3. Sexuality can be fluid

Most sex education in the 90s and 00s was largely skewed towards people who were heterosexual and cisgendered. This left those who identified as lesbian, gay, bisexual, non-binary or any other sexual or gender identity with little or no relevant information on how to negotiate sex and relationships.

This also means many people weren’t taught that sexuality can be multifaceted and fluid. Your sexuality is influenced by a combination of many biological, psychological and social factors, and may shift throughout your lifetime. So it’s perfectly normal for your sexual desire and who you’re attracted to change.

Two women hold hands while walking through a city.
It’s normal for sexuality to shift throughout your lifetime.

Research indicates that sexual fluidity may be more common among cisgender women and sexual minorities. It’s difficult to discern a clear reason for this, but one possibility is that men who identify as heterosexual may be less likely to act on same-sex attractions, perhaps for fear of negative reactions from those in their social circle.

There’s also evidence that same-sex attraction and sexual fluidity are influenced, in part, by genetics, showing us just how natural diversity in human sexuality is.

Understanding that sexuality can be fluid may help people to let go of potentially harmful misconceptions about themselves and others, and feel more open to express themselves and explore their sexual identity.

4. Sexually transmitted infections are very common

STIs are common, with one person being diagnosed every four minutes in the UK.

But most of us remember our sex ed classes focusing on prevention, resulting in stigmatised perceptions of STIs. This stigma can be harmful, and can impact a person’s mental and physical health, as well as their willingness to disclose their STI status to partners.

This prevention approach also meant we learned very little about how to recognise symptoms and treat STIs and fuelled the rise of myths surrounding STIs.

For example, one myth is that people with genital herpes can never have sex again without infecting their partner. Not only is this not true but also, as with all STIs, the earlier you’re diagnosed and treated, the easier it will be to avoid future complications such as infertility.

5. Navigating pregnancy and your fertility

Planning for pregnancy and parenthood is important for both women and men. But with sex ed’s focus so strongly placed on avoiding pregnancy, this means we missed out on important education relating to pregnancy and fertility. This means many women may not be properly educated about the many bodily changes that occur during pregnancy and afterwards.

Sex ed also failed to teach us that around 10%-15% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. This can be a traumatic event, even in cases of early pregnancy loss. But knowing how common it is and having appropriate support could reassure many women that it isn’t their fault.

Many of us also won’t have learned about other aspects of fertility, such as how waiting to have children may affect your chances of getting pregnant. Nor will you have been taught about how lifestyle factors such as weight, diet, and exercise can also affect your chances of becoming pregnant. We also weren’t taught about how common problems with men’s fertility are, and how it can also decline with age.

Even if you did miss out on key sex ed in your earlier years, it’s never too late to begin exploring what healthy relationships and sexuality mean to you.

Complete Article HERE!

What vaginal changes can a person expect after giving birth?

A person can expect vaginal changes after giving birth. Common changes include perineal pain, pain during sex, bleeding, and vaginal dryness.

by Tabitha Britt

According to the United Kingdom’s National Health Service (NHS), it is not unusual for people to notice new and uncomfortable vaginal changes after giving birth.

To ensure a safe recovery, people should have several postpartum checkups with their OB-GYN, with the first checkup being within 3 weeks of delivery. Postpartum care is an ongoing process and requires more than a single visit.

This article will discuss the vaginal changes a person can expect after giving birth. It will also cover tips for postpartum recovery.

The NHS notes that it is normal for a person’s vagina to appear wider than it did pre-birth. The swelling and openness should subside in a few days.

Even so, vaginal laxity is a common complaintTrusted Source among those who have recently given birth.

Tips

Although a person’s vagina may not return to its pre-birth shape, this is not a cause for concern.

However, people can try pelvic floor exercises, or Kegel exercises, to help tone the vaginal muscles. This can help prevent urinary incontinence.

This may also help sex to feel more pleasurable. However, sexual pleasure is complex and there are many factors that can affect it.

If a person finds that they are experiencing difficulties with sexual pleasure or are concerned about the width of their vagina, they should contact a healthcare professional.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) does not recommend elective plastic surgery, vaginoplasty, or radio-frequency or laser procedures. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has not approved these for postpartum vaginal laxity.

Some sources refer to these procedures as “vaginal rejuvenation,” which is a marketing term and not a medical condition.

Postpartum vaginal dryness is commonTrusted Source and normal, particularly for those who are nursing.

Vaginal dryness results from low estrogen, and those who are nursing have lower levels of estrogen than those who are not nursing.

It can make sex uncomfortable or painful and may cause some light bleeding.

Tips

According to the NHS, once a person stops nursing and their periods have returned, the estrogen count should revert to pre-pregnancy levels and any noticeable vaginal dryness should improve.

In the meantime, people can try the following to ease any discomfort:

  • taking estrogen supplements
  • avoiding douches and personal hygiene sprays
  • staying hydrated
  • applying a vaginal moisturizer
  • using a lubricant during sex or foreplay
  • communicating with their sexual partner

According to the ACOG, the type, intensity, and duration of pain and soreness will vary from person to person. However, the NHS notes that most people should improve within 6–12 weeks after birth.

People may experience one or more of the following symptoms after childbirth:

  • cramping
  • back, neck, or joint pain
  • soreness in the perineum, which in females is the area between the vagina and anus
  • swollen or sore breasts

Those who underwent an episiotomy, which is when a doctor makes an incision in the perineum to widen the vaginal opening, or had perineal tears, may need stitches.

The NHS notes that approximately 9 in 10 people who undergo a vaginal birth for the first time will have a tear, graze, or episiotomy. Stitches should heal within 1 month after delivery.

Tips

Mild vaginal tears that occur during delivery can take a few weeksTrusted Source to heal.

To help with the pain in the meantime, a person can:

  • take over-the-counter (OTC) medications, such as ibuprofen
  • sit on a padded ring
  • apply an ice pack to cool the area

Anyone who is concerned about the healing process and pain should consult a doctor or midwife before taking any OTC pain relievers.

According to the ACOG, some bleeding and discharge after delivery is normal. It may first appear bright red in color and become lighter and pinker in color within a few days. Over time, the flow will decrease and eventually stop.

Some may experience postpartum vaginal discharge that lasts for a few weeksTrusted Source.

People who experience excessive bleeding should seek immediate medical attention as it could be a sign of postpartum hemorrhage or uterine atony. Healthcare professionals define excessive bleeding as filling more than two pads per hour for more than 1–2 hours.

According to BMC Pregnancy and ChildbirthTrusted Source, postpartum hemorrhage is the leading direct cause of maternal morbidity and mortality worldwide.

Tips

Postpartum discharge is an inevitable part of the healing process.

To make things easier, a person should avoid using tampons until after their 6-week postnatal check. They can also use sanitary pads until the discharge stops.

People will experience some postpartum bleeding or lochia after giving birth.

Lochia contains mucus, white blood cells, tissue, and blood. The womb sheds this menstrual-period-like mixture of fluid and tissue so the body can replace its uterine lining after delivery.

The ACOG notes that it will usually occur within 24 hours after giving birth, but it may happen up to 12 weeks later.

According to the Office on Women’s HealthTrusted Source, lochia appears heavy and bright red before becoming lighter in flow and color.

Individuals who lose more than 1000 milliliters of blood within 24 hours of giving birth should seek medical attention immediately as it could be a sign of a postpartum hemorrhage.

Those who are interested in reconnecting with their partner on a physical level may experience dyspareunia or pain with sex.

According to a 2018 studyTrusted Source, 37.5% of people reported pain with sex 6 months postpartum, while 46.3% reported a lack of interest in sexual activity.

While there is no timeline as to when a person can have sex again after giving birth, most doctors recommend that people wait 4–6 weeks following vaginal delivery.

Those who had an episiotomy or perineal tear should wait until the site has completely healed, as having sex too soon can increase a person’s risk of postpartum hemorrhage and uterine infection.

Learn more about when a person can have sex after being pregnant here.

Tips

People can try the following to help alleviate any pain or discomfort during postpartum sex:

  • Taking things slowly and starting with other intimate activities first, such as a massage, oral sex, or mutual masturbation.
  • Considering using a water-based lubricant during sexual activity.
  • Communicating with their partner about the pain they are experiencing and which activities are pleasurable and which are not.

Those who continue to feel pain during sex should contact a healthcare professional.

If a person’s vaginal canal is unable to stretch far enough to deliver the baby, the perineum may tear or the doctor will perform an episiotomy.

Excessive, raised, or itchy scar tissue may form around the tear or incision area.

Those who are concerned about perineal tears can massage their perineum within the last few weeks of pregnancy to reduce their chances of requiring an episiotomy.

A person should talk with a healthcare professional regarding the best way to massage the perineum.

While some people may experience heavier, longer, or more painful periods following delivery, others may find that their periods improve.

Those who bottle-feed or combine bottle feeding with nursing may have their first period 5–6 weeks after giving birth.

According to the ACOG, people who are not nursing should begin ovulating within a few weeks of childbirth. There may be a delay to ovulation for up to 6 months for people who are nursing.

Learn more about the first period after having a baby here.

Within the first few days after giving birth, some people may experience pain or burning while urinating.

Urinary incontinence is also common during pregnancy and after childbirth.

According to the Urology Care Foundation, the number of children a person has, from both cesarean and vaginal delivery, may increase their risk for urinary incontinence. In addition, people who have urinary incontinence during pregnancy are more likely to have it after childbirth.

Postpartum urinary incontinence usually goes away once a person’s pelvic muscles regain their strength. People who experience long-term incontinence should contact a healthcare professional.

Tips

People can try the following to ease their discomfort:

  • drinking water
  • running water in the sink while using the bathroom
  • soaking in a warm bath
  • doing Kegel exercises to strengthen their pelvic muscles

People can experience difficultyTrusted Source with orgasm after childbirth.

This may occur as a result of:

People who are having difficulty achieving orgasm or experiencing sexual dysfunction after giving birth should contact a doctor to see if an underlying condition could be exacerbating the issue.

Pregnancy increases the body’s production of estrogen and progesterone.

This influx of hormones leads to increased blood flow, which may cause the labia to darken.

These changes may be temporary or permanent, depending on the person.

The postpartum period begins after a person gives birth, lasting 6–8 weeksTrusted Source. It ends when the person’s body has almost returned to its pre-pregnancy state.

A 2021 article notes that the postpartum recovery period is likely to be longer than 6 weeksTrusted Source. However, there does not appear to be a consensus among healthcare professionals.

An older article from 2010 notes that the postpartum period consists of three phases. Healthcare professionals refer to the last phase as the delayed postpartum period, which can last for 6 monthsTrusted Source.

During this recovery period, a person should ensure that they:

  • Attend every checkup: According to the ACOG, checkups can help to ensure a person’s physical, mental, and emotional health are on the right track. It recommends that healthcare professionals provide 12 weeks of postpartum support.
  • Eat a well-balanced diet: To fight off fatigue and constipation, people should aim to eat a combination of complex carbs, protein, and fiber. Drinking plenty of fluids, participating in light exercise, such as walking, and using the bathroom when the urge comes can also prevent constipation.
  • Rest: Rest is an essential part of recovery. New mothers should get plenty of rest in the first 2–3 weeksTrusted Source after childbirth.

Learn more about postpartum recovery and what to expect.

After birth, a person can expect changes to their vagina, including:

  • vaginal width
  • vaginal dryness
  • soreness
  • discharge
  • bleeding
  • pain during sex
  • scar tissue
  • urinary incontinence
  • difficulty achieving orgasm
  • changes in the color of the vulva and vaginal opening

Healthcare professionals define the postpartum recovery period as the first 6 weeks after giving birth. The time it takes to recover will vary depending on the person. Those who have ongoing or severe symptoms should contact a doctor.

Complete Article HERE!

Sex During Pregnancy

— Your Questions Answered

Safety, discomfort talk + more

Let’s talk about sex — and your growing baby bump. Whether you’re newly pregnant or bursting at the seams, you may have burning questions, like is it OK to do the deed? Will sex harm your baby? Is it normal to be in the mood a lot less often?

Pull up a chair. Ob/Gyn Oluwatosin Goje, MD, answers the most common sex-during-pregnancy questions she gets asked.

Q. Is it safe to have sex while pregnant?

A. Absolutely, enjoy vaginal or oral sex as frequently as you want, throughout your pregnancy. The only exceptions are if you have one of these conditions:

  • Cervical changes: Normally, the cervix creates a barrier between the vagina and uterus. Changes such as early dilation (opening) could raise your risk for premature labor if you have sex.
  • History of premature labor or miscarriage: If you have a history of premature delivery or miscarriage, your doctor may ask you to refrain from intercourse. Semen contains prostaglandins, and during orgasm, your brain releases oxytocin. Both of these hormones play a role in stimulating contractions.
  • Leaking: If you feel a drip, drip, drip from your vagina, it warrants a call to your doctor. It may be a sign that the wall surrounding the sac your baby grows in may have ruptured. Intercourse in this situation could increase your risk of infection.
  • Placenta previa: When the placenta covers the cervix, sexual activity (vaginal-penile)  may result in disruption of the placenta and cause bleeding.
  • Sexually transmitted diseases (STD): If a doctor diagnoses you or your partner with a sexually transmitted infection, refrain from unprotected sexual intercourse until you’ve been treated and retested. An untreated STD can harm your baby.
  • Undiagnosed vaginal bleeding: Until your provider determines the reason for vaginal bleeding, you should refrain from sexual intercourse. 

Q. Will sex hurt my baby or scar them for life?

A. No, sex will not hurt your baby. It’s completely safe — even in the final days — as long as you don’t have one of the above conditions.

Q. Not gonna lie, it hurts a little. Should it? 

A. Sex should still be enjoyable during pregnancy. It may be even more enjoyable for some. Some women who experience vaginal dryness when they aren’t pregnant will have more lubrication during pregnancy.

If you find you’re less comfortable as your pregnancy progresses, it may be the position you choose. If you’re on your back for sex, then gravity is pulling all that baby weight down on your spine. Instead, lube up and try these sex positions during pregnancy:

  • Side-by-side or spooning.
  • Doggy style (sex from behind).
  • Woman-on-top.
  • Standing.

Q. Are there advantages to pregnant sex? (Please tell me it will induce labor.)

A. There are many advantages to pregnancy sex — the main one is continued intimacy with your partner. You might also experience:

  • Increased sensitivity: Sex may be better than ever, thanks to increased blood flow to the vulva (the outer part of the female genitals).
  • Better sleep: Pregnancy and sleep don’t always go together, but post-coital relaxation may make it easier.
  • Labor: There’s no definitive research showing sex can kick-start labor, but anecdotally it may work, so it’s definitely worth a shot.
  • Feel-good hormones: The oxytocin that’s released with orgasm can help you feel less achy and generally calmer. 

Q. Help! I bled a little after sex — I’m freaking out, should I be?

A. Bleeding after sex is a common concern. During pregnancy, there is increased blood flow to the cervix and vagina, so friction from sex could cause a little bleeding. Usually, this is nothing to worry about, but it’s always a good idea to check in with your provider. 

Q. I have zero interest in pregnancy sex … is that OK? Am I abnormal?

A. Many factors impact how you feel about sex during pregnancy. Some women don’t enjoy their pregnant bodies — they don’t feel sexy or appealing. Others feel sexier because they have fuller breasts or experience more powerful orgasms. For some women, the surge in hormones makes them want sex more often than usual. Sex is personal, so your experience with pregnancy sex will also be. Learn to communicate your needs with your partner.

Q. Will I still have orgasms when I’m pregnant?

A. There have been studies that say orgasm is less likely as you progress through pregnancy, but this isn’t the case for all women. Orgasm during pregnancy may have more to do with how you feel about your pregnant body or the positions you’re using. My best advice is to embrace your baby bump. Explore new positions until you find what works for you and your partner. With increased blood flow to the vulva, you may experience better-than-ever orgasms.

Complete Article HERE!

Keeping sex sexy when you’re trying to conceive

By a class=”byline-link byline-author-name” href=”https://www.insider.com/author/anna-medaris-miller” data-e2e-name=”byline-author-name”>Anna Medaris Miller

  • Sex with the sole goal of getting pregnant can take the fun and connection out of the experience.
  • Find ways to feel sexy without intercourse, sex therapist Ian Kerner said on the Pregnantish podcast
  • Seeking sexual moments between ovulation windows can also lead to more relationship fulfillment

Sex therapist Ian Kerner says there are three kinds of sex: recreational, relational, and procreative.

While the first can be fun and experimental and the second builds connection, the procreative type can be stressful, methodical, and often take the place of the other two.

“The move from relational sex to procreative sex can kind of strip out a lot of the other qualities that we’re used to having in sex and introduce a sort of … pressure and and a goal that creates all sorts of anxieties,” Kerner told Andrea Syrtash on her podcast Pregnantish. “And anxiety is the number one enemy of sexual health and sexual function and sexual arousal.”

But there are ways to integrate intimacy and eroticism into your sex life while you’re trying to conceive. Here’s what Kerner, author of “So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex,” told Syrtash he recommends.

Keep having sex or sexual moments when you’re not ovulating

For heterosexual couples trying to conceive but not necessarily dealing with infertility,Syrtash, a sex and relationships writer who serves as editor-in-chief of the website Pregnantish, recommends maintaining intimacy even when the woman isn’t fertile.

That way, “you can keep the sexual connection outside of that ovulation conception window … so that it’s not all about the goal [of getting pregnant],'” she said.

Practically speaking, having sex outside of ovulation — a 24-hour window once a month — also means having it more regularly, and frequency matters, Kerner said. Studies have shown that couples who have sex once a week are most satisfied in their relationships. Any more doesn’t make a difference, but any less is linked with poorer relationship satisfaction.

“Really making that effort to hold on to sex is important,” he said.

Take ‘intercourse discourse’ off the table

Couples going through fertility treatments like IVF have different pressures when it comes to maintaining a satisfying sex life. They don’t have to have intercourse to procreate, and one partner may rarely feel in the mood, thanks to hormones that cause bloating, discomfort, and pain.

Add in the emotional toll of feeling like your body is betraying you, and getting busy in bed is an especially hard sell.

But Kerner says taking intercourse off the table and focusing on other ways to feel connected to and sexual with your partner. That can mean simply eyeing each other in the middle of the day and appreciating what makes the other one sexy, he said. 

“I think it’s absolutely OK to take sex off the table, but what I don’t necessarily think is OK is to lose all sense of sexiness or eroticism, or what I call the erotic thread, which is sort of the the space between sexual events,” Kerner said.

Look for, or plan, willingness windows

Lower the bar for how you think you’re supposed to feel before having sex. Rather than waiting until you’re both super horny, be open to moments when you’re simply willing to explore — again without intercourse necessarily being the end goal.

“You don’t always show up with desire for certain things, but if you recognize that something is important, like your own sexuality or your sexuality with your partner, then you can show up with willingness,” Kerner said. “Have the willingness to allow yourself to start to simmer and percolate some sexual cues.”

As Kerner told Insider’s senior sex and relationships reporter Julia Naftulin, this is what he calls a “willingness window,”

During that time you could read erotic books aloud, watch ethical porn, take a shower, enjoy a makeout session, or look back through photos of earlier in your relationship when you felt sexy. You can do anything that truly sounds fun and sexy to you both, Kerner suggested.

“Once couples or once an individual starts to engage with their sexuality and starts to sort of build up that arousal runway, then it really does lead to desire,” he said on the podcast.

Complete Article HERE!

What Is Pregnant Sex?

Sexual Intimacy Is Generally Safe During Pregnancy

By

Sexual intimacy can be part of a healthy pregnancy. Depending on how far along the pregnancy is, some adjustments may need to be made to keep things fun and comfortable.

Avoiding sexually transmitted diseases (STD) is the chief concern when it comes to risks for most pregnancies. If you have a high-risk pregnancy, discuss pregnancy sex risks with your doctor.

Trimesters and Pregnancy Sex

There is very little evidence suggesting that there are risks associated with having sex during pregnancy.1 Despite this, several risk factors may cause doctors to encourage pregnant individuals to abstain from intercourse during the first trimester.2 These include vaginal bleeding and a history of early pregnancy loss.

Although research does not suggest that vaginal intercourse is associated with either of these outcomes, many doctors take a cautious approach to pregnant sex for couples who have experienced one or more losses.

Couples that are non-monogamous or where one has a sexually transmitted disease should be aware that it is important to appropriately manage STD risk during pregnancy. Several sexually transmitted infections have the potential to affect pregnancy outcomes.

If there is any risk of STD transmission during pregnancy, it is advisable to use barriers. Before taking a new sexual partner during pregnancy, STD screening is also a good idea.

Over the course of a pregnancy, certain types of sex can become less comfortable or enjoyable. Couples who wish to continue with sexual intimacy can try different sexual positions to figure out what works best for them as the pregnancy continues to develop.

Positions where the pregnant person is seated or lying on their side may be more comfortable than where they are lying on their back, particularly later during pregnancy.

Risks of Pregnancy Sex

There is remarkably little data about the risks of different types of sexual intimacy during pregnancy. In general, there is no reason to anticipate that sex during a low-risk pregnancy will cause problems, particularly in monogamous couples where both partners have been tested for STDs.

Doctors tend to be more concerned about high-risk pregnancies, but again there is very little data. People who are concerned about pregnant sex should discuss their individual risk/benefit calculations with their providers.

Theoretical risks that people are concerned may be associated with pregnant sex include:3

  • Preterm labor: Studies have not demonstrated an increased risk of preterm labor from having sex during pregnancy. The exception is where sexual activity increases the risk of genital tract infections, including bacterial vaginosis, associated with pre-term labor.
  • Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID): PID may be a risk for individuals exposed to STDs during pregnancy. PID is associated with an increased risk of pregnancy complications, and pregnant people with PID may need to be hospitalized for antibiotic treatment.4
  • Bleeding: No research has demonstrated a risk of antepartum hemorrhage (bleeding after the 20th week of pregnancy) caused by pregnancy sex, although it could theoretically be a risk for those with placenta previa.
  • Venous air embolism: This is an extremely rare pregnancy complication where an air bubble gets into the bloodstream. Studies estimate that it occurs in fewer than one in one million pregnancies, although where it does occur it can be fatal.3

Pregnant people are sometimes advised to avoid air being blown into the vagina during oral sex, which could potentially lead to a venous air embolism. Air can sometimes also be forced into the vagina during penile or other penetration.3

Coping With Pregnancy Sex

Sexual desire and interest can change substantially over the course of a pregnancy. For some people, pregnancy may be a time when they feel highly sexual. They may seek out more sexual intimacy with their partners.

Other people may feel less sexual during pregnancy. This can be because of changes in how they feel about their body and their overall sense of wellbeing. It can also be because of increased sensitivity to certain smells, tastes, and sensations that may occur during sex.

Couples for whom sexual intimacy is important should consider exploring different types of sexual intimacy during pregnancy if their usual menu of sexual choices isn’t working as well for them. This can include activities such as mutual masturbation or one partner holding the other while they masturbate.

Couples who want to continue to have intercourse during pregnancy may also need to explore different positions as the pregnant person’s body changes over the course of gestation. It is not uncommon for the frequency of intercourse to decrease, even in couples who continue to be sexually active throughout pregnancy.5

Perineal Massage and Vaginal Birth

Couples experiencing their first pregnancy may hear about the benefits of perineal massage. Perineal massage has been shown to reduce the risk of both an episiotomy and requiring stitches after a tear during delivery.6

Although perineal massage doesn’t have to be sexual, it certainly can be. In many ways, perineal massage is like careful fingering and other types of digital sex. Just make certain that any hands involved are clean, you’re using appropriate lubricant, and you’re not going any faster than is comfortable for the pregnant person.

Research on perineal massage is focused on using the practice once or twice a week, starting at 35 weeks.6 While clear benefits have been shown for people who have not previously undergone a vaginal delivery, that’s less true for those who have.

Still, if it’s something couples enjoy during a first pregnancy, there’s no reason they shouldn’t continue to do perineal massage during later pregnancies.

Can you have sex during pregnancy? Yes, if you want to. Although there isn’t all that much research about sexual activity during pregnancy, most of what’s out there says that pregnant sex doesn’t noticeably increase the risk to either parent or infant.

The exception is where sex during pregnancy can lead to a new infection with herpes, syphilis, or another STD that increases the risk of poor pregnancy outcomes. In a mutually monogamous relationship, where neither partner has an outside exposure, pregnancy sex is generally considered low to no risk.

However, in the case of high-risk pregnancy, couples should consult their doctor before engaging in pregnant sex.

Complete Article HERE!

Why so many moms can’t have great sex

Cultural stereotypes around mothering have a detrimental effect on many moms’ sex lives. Time to rewrite the script

Stressed out mother sipping on a cup of coffee on her messy bed while her three daughters are playing around her

By Gail Cornwall

San Francisco mother Sara Lopes didn’t even realize she’d lost a part of herself until she got it back. “I had been so consumed with both children and starting to work again that we hadn’t had sex in maybe a year and a half,” says Lopes, 41, whose first name has been changed to protect her privacy. “Figuring out how to have dinners prepped, remembering to buy rain boots, paying our credit card bill, scheduling play dates, worrying about summer camps. I couldn’t even think about my social life, let alone my sex life.” Only after Lopes and her husband instituted Saturday night sex did the truth dawn on her: “I had needs that I had absolutely forgotten about.”

Lopes points the finger at herself, but she is not to blame for the problem, and Saturday night sex is not necessarily the solution. A handful of experts who’ve taken a closer look at the science of female sexuality and how it’s impacted by motherhood—from newly postpartum to empty nest—say we’ve had it all wrong.

The common tale of female sexuality fails us

Cultural scripts are stories we watch play out in advertisements, sitcoms, and IRL so often that we know our part. Our roles have come to feel like second nature, like our nature. 

The cultural script we’re told, particularly in the context of heterosexual relationships, goes something like this: Men are hardwired to seek variety; women, stability. Men crave sex; women consent to it (or bargain with it). Men prefer physical closeness; women, emotional intimacy. Men need climax; women are along for the ride.

There’s one problem with these familiar gender scripts: Scientifically speaking, they’re B.S. “Women have been sold a bill of goods,” writes Wednesday Martin in “Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free.” “In matters of sex, women are not the tamer, more demure, or reticent sex.”

By our 30s and 40s, many of us figure that out. We embrace our sexuality after realizing, as Dr. Stephanie Buehler puts it: “We are built for pleasure.” We do our part to decrease the “orgasm gap” by seeking out sex where foreplay isn’t just an appetizer to be shoveled down as quickly as possible (or skipped entirely) prior to the main (inter)course.

But when parenthood happens, the difference between male and female reports of desire and satisfaction yawns wider. Ultimately, “a giant share” of mothers in the U.S. aren’t having good sex, says Katherine Rowland, author of “The Pleasure Gap,” which hit shelves just before the pandemic. And that includes a lot of lesbian moms. Why? Often, it’s because a mom-specific scripts has stepped in. Cultural stereotypes about motherhood often fall into one of these seven ruts.

1. I can’t really think about myself right now

Lydia Elle, 40, is a single mom with a 10-year-old in Los Angeles. She told me that she felt like when she became a mom, it became all-encompassing: “almost like ‘mom’ eclipsed ‘woman,'” she says. “Nurturing is a wonderful thing, but when you feel like that’s your only role, it’s a hindrance for good sex, because for that, you have to switch from being a giver to being okay being a receiver.”

We bring up girls to be helpful and empathetic, anticipating others’ needs and satisfying them. To “have it all” can often mean to give your all. To everyone. All the time.

You can partially thank the Victorians for this. In 1862, Dr. William Acton famously said, “As a general rule, a modest woman seldom desires any sexual gratification for herself.” But this is just a belief, and not one we’ve always held. Rowland says the Greeks thought female orgasm was required for conception. There’s no reason modern Americans can’t change the way we conceive of female pleasure.

2. I’m too touched-out

With a baby at her breast and a toddler clinging to her legs, one Seattle-area mom, who prefers not to be named, said the last thing she wants at night is another set of hands on her body. Buehler, a psychologist and sex therapist who’s written multiple books, says the idea of “touch fatigue” is so popular that she was shocked to find not a single scientific study confirming the phenomenon. But it makes sense when you think about it: Have you met many moms who’ll turn down a professional massage? It’s not that parents who spend a good deal of time with young children don’t want to be touched, Buehler thinks. They just don’t want another unpleasant, obligatory touch: “You have a partner who has needs, but they may feel like demands. And then the woman is like, ‘I am not here to service everybody,'” she says. Others simply find the gear-shift hard to manage, Buehler says, thinking, “How am I supposed to be this adoring, nurturing mother by day, and then be this sex goddess by night?”

3. I don’t feel like myself

This feeling of having one’s identity pulled and even torn can be especially acute when kids are small. Becoming a mother can make us feel disconnected from partners and from our former selves. “Most people need to feel relaxed in order to feel pleasure,” says reproductive psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks, M.D., co-author of “What No One Tells You: A Guide to Your Emotions from Pregnancy to Motherhood.” “It can be hard to feel relaxed if you don’t feel like you.”

4. My to-do list is in bed with us

The domestic labor, emotional labor, and mental load that Lopes described isn’t just a time suck—it can also be a desire suck. “If mentally you are distracted, that is going to create tension in your body, and that is going to make it difficult to get aroused,” says Buehler. “To have good sex, you have to be both relaxed and aroused.” Both can be inhibited by rising maternal workload (time-use diaries indicate mothers spent twice as much time engaging with their children in 2012 as they did in 1965) that’s produced rising levels of stress. So too can inequitable division of household labor—exhaustion with a side of resentment is hardly an aphrodisiac.

5. My body’s like, ‘No way’

Dr. Sacks’s co-author, Catherine Birndorf, M.D., says physiology unique to the postpartum window also plays a role: “After you deliver, you are practically in a menopausal state.” Hormone fluctuations can lead to pain, dryness, and lack of sex drive. Moms who are menopausal and perimenopausal often know these symptoms too well. Stacy Tessler Lindau, M.D., who is director of Womanlab and a professor at the University of Chicago, says even when that’s not the case “arousal may take more effort, more concentration.” A variety of other medical diagnoses can also make sex painful, and of course, disrupted sleep has been shown to decrease sex drive.

Medications, too, can play a role. Research is mixed on whether hormonal birth control depresses libido. But, in Dr. Lindau’s clinical experience, some women do experience difficulty with libido on the pill that gets better when they switch to an IUD. Another pharmacological suspect: Women have higher rates of depression and anxiety, says Buehler, and many of the medications to treat them can dampen desire.

6. My body—especially my vagina—has seen better days

Feeling desirable has been shown to increase one’s own desire. Since shame and insecurity are not exactly relaxing, it’s no wonder that internalized ideals of flat tummies and svelte arms can tank libido. That’s true at any stage of life, but physical changes wrought by pregnancy, delivery, and the lingering effects of both can create or compound body image issues. So too can the shape shift that often accompanies menopause.

In a particularly nasty spin-off of body image stress, there’s growing concern among women that their labia are too loose or veiny, a condition dubbed “vaginal orthorexia” by Jen Gunter, M.D., author of “The Vagina Bible.” With everything from surgery to “soundwave therapy” to injection of collagen being marketed to us, the number of women who shell out for “vaginal rejuvenation” procedures has skyrocketed over the last decade, despite the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists calling most such treatments “not medically indicated” and stating that they “pose substantial risk.”

7. Sex just isn’t much fun anymore

Reasons one through six often contribute to and culminate in a seventh reason for decreased libido: All the things that make for good sex—energy, relaxation, playfulness, time, and curiosity—are in short supply after children. That leaves bad sex. And research has proven that bad sex decimates desire.

Think of it this way. The old you liked salad: Freshly rinsed butter lettuce with perfectly tender slices of chicken, ripe strawberries, toasted almonds, and goat cheese with a touch of honey. Or at least you’d hoped to find a salad like that. But these days, the only lettuce you encounter is a day-old pre-pack from an Airport kiosk. It makes sense that some women start to think they just don’t like salad.

One sexual equivalent of limp leaves and mealy tomatoes is when your partner employs what sexperts call “crude initiations”— heading straight to penetration or similarly intense activity without teasing or anticipation, making you feel not alluring so much as … convenient. It’s a form of benign neglect, where a mate or date just doesn’t put in the effort required to arouse. And then there’s habituation—your sex salad is fine, good even. But few of us find joy in eating the same salad week after week, month after month, year after year.

The point is that giving up the sexual side of ourselves after we’ve had kids can be a perfectly sensible reaction to the situation we’re in. “Women hold themselves hostage to this idea that they have low desire, and that they need to work on themselves in order to ‘fix’ a problem, when their low desire is really a healthy, rational, and reasonable response to the fact that they aren’t enjoying the kind of sex that they’re having,” says Rowland.

So what do we do about it?

First, what not to do: Take a hard pass on medicalizing solutions like vaginal rejuvenation and “female Viagra.” And you don’t need to force yourself to have sex as you might go to the gym, with an “it’s painful, but boy you’ll be glad you did it” mentality. A lingerie budget isn’t required either.

Instead of ditching your cozy jammies, say goodbye to those old gendered scripts and the mother-specific ones as well. Believing women naturally don’t like sex as much as men or are too touched out to enjoy it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy—especially when these beliefs get reinforced by distracted, unexciting sex. And that’s a shame, because as Dr. Lindau says, “libido gives people a sense of being alive.”

Instead, I think there are new mantras we can all agree on.

First, moms deserve to relax. Basic prerequisites to relaxation include reliable childcare and equitable division of labor. As Dr. Birndorf puts it, “If we had some time and had some space, we’d all be in the freaking mood.” Believe you’re entitled to it, and then share this priority with anyone who can help make it happen—your partner, your boss, your parents.

Second, moms want sex. If you feel disconnected from your partner, misunderstood, or unseen, Dr. Sacks says, you probably can’t enjoy sex with them until they get to know you again—or get to know your new self for the first time. Making time to talk can help, and you can check out Jessica Graham’s “Good Sex” for next-level info on how to use mindfulness to facilitate reconnection with your partner and yourself. You’ll likely find the new you can contain the old one too. Moms can give and claim. We can be caretakers and want sex, and not just any sex, hot sex.

And finally, moms are desirable. You need to feel hot for hot sex to happen, and this means including yourself in the definition of what’s hot. “After you have children, as you get older, you may need to challenge cultural norms of beauty and of sexuality in order to more fully enjoy your own sensuality,” Dr. Sacks says, “Because the chase to look like someone else or be someone else—and that also applies to being a younger version of yourself—certainly isn’t relaxing and it certainly isn’t on the pathway to pleasure.” But it isn’t all about you practicing self-compassion and redefining your new creases and folds as attractive. 

Your partner, whether for decades or a tryst, needs to ask what you want and then put in the time and energy needed to give it to you; you deserve someone who tells you when they like how you’ve made them feel, and brings a sense of mystery and adventure to the bedroom. But most won’t do that, they won’t even realize they should try to do that, until they too chuck the old scripts in favor of these new three. Moms deserve to relax. Moms want sex. Moms are desirable.

Complete Article HERE!

Why Pregnant Couples Should Totally Have Sex

(And How To Do It Well!)

By Julia Guerra

A survey issued by the parenting website ChannelMum back in 2017 found that, on average, couples will have sex 78 times in a matter of six months (that’s 13 times per month) before they conceive. But what happens after they score a positive on the stick? Do they stop, for lack of a better word, scoring in the bedroom?

In life, and in pregnancy, it’s important to listen to your body and honor its needs. This includes any sexual desires that may (and usually do) arise. Of course, if you aren’t comfortable having sex while you’re pregnant, that’s perfectly fine. But while pregnancy is a lot of things, it doesn’t have to be a celibacy sentence.

The stigma around pregnant sex.

It’s one thing to put physical intimacy on pause if it’s uncomfortable or harmful to the mother, or if someone in the relationship feels genuinely uncomfortable having pregnant sex. However, there’s nothing inherently “dirty” or “wrong” about having sex while pregnant. But according to Sofia Jawed-Wessel, Ph.D., MPH, sex researcher and co-director of the Midlands Sexual Health Research Collaborative at the University of Nebraska at Omaha, the taboo pitted on pregnant sex isn’t directed at the sex itself but rather at pregnant women having sex. 

“Our culture has a difficult time juxtaposing motherhood and sexiness without fetishizing—without objectifying the pregnant person,” Jawed-Wessel explains in an interview with mbg. “We have a difficult time seeing the pregnant person as a whole person beyond their pregnancy.”

It all comes back to the “why,” she says. In other words: Why is a pregnant woman having sex?

If it’s to meet her own sexual needs, a pregnant woman pursuing sex is often seen as an “aggressor,” as selfish. If it’s to meet the man’s needs, that’s another story, Jawed-Wessel says. “If [a pregnant woman is] having sex not for her own pleasure but for her partner’s, because nine months is a long time for men to be celibate, then we understand. If she’s partnered with a woman, well, we won’t even acknowledge that!”

How attitudes about pregnant sex can affect an expecting couple’s sex life.

In her most recent study, Jawed-Wessel and her team of researchers followed 116 couples in which one partner was between eight to 12 weeks pregnant. Researchers asked participants to complete four surveys over the course of three months, with questions focusing on their attitude toward sex before pregnancy, their attitude toward sex during pregnancy, how often they were having sex (with their partner and/or solo), sexual activities that gave them the most and least satisfaction, and so on.

The cross-sectional study, published last month in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, found that a couple’s attitude toward pregnant sex could actually affect their overall sexual satisfaction. Partners who shared a positive attitude toward pregnant sex were more satisfied overall than couples who went into the experiment with reservations toward pregnant sex.

Jawed-Wessel says a negative attitude toward pregnant sex can be a reflection of one or all of the following:

1. They’re choosing to believe pregnant sex myths over their doctor’s advice.

Jawed-Wessel says experts are seeing a “disconnect” between what the doctor prescribes and the negative attitudes couples have about pregnant sex because of myths about the potential risk of either compromising the pregnancy or harming the fetus directly.

For the record, there is little evidence to prove sex can induce a miscarriage, and experts say it’s highly unlikely. Doctors do suggest patients with very specific medical issues—such as placenta previa (when the placenta covers all or part of the uterus), and cervical insufficiency (when a woman’s cervix is weak and dilates too early in the pregnancy)—abstain from sex during their pregnancy. For the average pregnant person who isn’t experiencing a high-risk or abnormal pregnancy? As long as your doctor says it’s safe, you’re good to go.

And yet many couples are still apprehensive or just unable to shake off the fear of doing damage to their future baby.

2. Societally speaking, women are desexualized when they become pregnant.

As Jawed-Wessel points out, most cultures—definitely America’s—view motherhood as a kind of pure, moral, and exclusively family-oriented state, whereas having sex still carries overtones of being immoral or selfish. Even if they don’t recognize it, some men buy into this sexist dichotomy and struggle to find their partner sexually desirable during pregnancy, seeing their partner transitioning from “lover” to “mother.” It’s not about the physical bump or even the baby per se (though it may be the case for some men); it’s more about that psychological shift taking place in how they’re viewing their partner.

3. They’re viewing vaginal intercourse as the end-all-be-all of physical intimacy.

Most straight people tend to think sex needs to involve vaginal intercourse. Of course, there are numerous sexual behaviors and experiences that a couple can explore that have nothing to do with penetration, but because couples fall into a routine, they lose that sense of adventure and mystery in the bedroom. Then when pregnancy comes along and makes P-in-V intercourse perhaps less accessible or comfortable, they assume that means sex can’t happen.

What should sex look like for pregnant couples?

According to the team’s findings, sexual satisfaction during pregnancy was extremely contextual for each couple and for each individual partner. The paper outlines that kissing, intercourse, and using sex toys as a couple all led to more sexual satisfaction. But some sexual acts didn’t bring as much joy: For instance, men experienced high levels satisfaction using toys alone (likely while masturbating) and low levels of satisfaction from vaginal fingering (maybe because they couldn’t get off from it, the researchers posit). Women reported the opposite: They were most satisfied through vaginal fingering and actually less satisfied when they used sex toys on their own (perhaps because it was a last resort when they weren’t being satisfied by their partners, the researchers say).

Clearly there wasn’t one overarching solution to being sexually satisfied while pregnant, and more sex didn’t necessarily correspond to being more sexually satisfied. Specific sex acts were more enjoyable for some partners than for others. That being said, the researchers’ model showed one common thread: The more positive of an attitude a couple had toward pregnancy sex, the more sexually satisfied they felt overall.

Sexual satisfaction is important for a healthy relationship—yes, even for soon-to-be parents.

“Pregnancy does not suddenly leave a couple void of sexual needs,” Jawed-Wessel and her team write in their paper. “Sex is important to individuals and their relationships, and pregnant people and their partners are no exception. Relationship satisfaction has been frequently linked to sexual satisfaction among the general population, and pregnant individuals follow a similar pattern.”

They add that pregnant women also experience unique benefits from being satisfied with the state of their sex life and relationship: “Pregnant women with higher relationship satisfaction have also been found to be more positive about their upcoming role as a mother and experience less maternal emotional distress.”

In a recent edition of her newsletter, sex researcher and educator Dr. Zhana Vrangalova emphasized why it’s so important for couples not to lose sight of their sex lives due to a pregnancy: “I know that sex during and post-pregnancy may feel strange, or different, or awkward. But I can’t emphasize enough how important it is for the health and quality of your relationship to maintain your sexual connection during this time. The longer you go without it, the harder and weirder it’s going to be to come back to it and reconnect in that way.”

Her advice?

“If you’re the one pregnant, give yourself the right to be a sexual being, and revel in your new body. A lot of women report that pregnancy sex was the best sex they’ve ever had!” she writes. “And if you’re the partner of someone who’s pregnant, please work on overcoming the harmful myths and negative feelings about pregnancy sex you’ve internalized, and make your partner feel beautiful, sexy, sexual, and desired.”

Communication is key.

Of course, this isn’t meant to put pressure on couples to do what they’re just not feeling. If a couple or partner just doesn’t want to have sex for whatever reason, Jawed-Wessel says there is nothing wrong with pushing pause. But she stresses: Communication is key.

“We see partners making assumptions or jumping to conclusions on what the other is thinking, and this is never good,” Jawed-Wessel explains. “[Pregnancy] can be a time to really explore each other’s sexuality and come to a closer understanding of one another so that when both partners are ready to push play again, it is easier to navigate and relearn each other’s needs and wants.”

As long as both partners have an open line of communication flowing and are being honest about their needs, Jawed-Wessel tells mbg, “there is no reason for sex or lack of sex during pregnancy to be harmful to either partner.” It’s only if either partner feels unsatisfied, or if the woman feels as though her partner does not find her sexually desirable, that may cause an issue.

Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., sex researcher and director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University–Bloomington, tells mbg that ultimately the importance of sexual intimacy during pregnancy will depend on the couple. For some, keeping things fresh in the bedroom during pregnancy is a priority. For others, sex is put on the back burner. “[New parents] have bigger fish to fry, focusing on staying and feeling healthy, caring for their pregnancy, getting things for their baby, napping more, doctors’ appointments, etc.,” Herbenick says. But she does suggest pursuing physical closeness in other ways: “Those who abstain [from penetrative sex] might find [satisfaction] connecting to kiss and cuddle to nurture intimacy.”

Overall, navigating the ways in which you and your partner can stay sexually satisfied during pregnancy is a personal process. As long as your medical provider gives you the OK, try your best to home in on how this experience can enhance your sex life and bring you closer, not only as new parents but as a couple. By keeping the communication flowing and maintaining a positive attitude, satisfaction will come—in and outside the bedroom.

Complete Article HERE!

The Ultimate Guide to Pregnant Sex

By Lauren Katulka

Takeaway: The nine months of pregnancy bring with them a host of coital challenges, but with our handy guide you can enjoy good loving during any trimester.

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You’ve just received the happy news that you’re expecting and you’re feeling more connected to your partner than ever. Although those nine months of pregnancy can be a challenging time to be a woman, that doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice time between the sheets. Read on to discover the difficulties you might face during each trimester, and how you can overcome them to experience some of the best sex of your life.

First Trimester Fun

It wasn’t too long ago that you were getting down to business on a regular basis, but now that you’ve got a bun in your oven you might be thinking of sex less often. The first trimester can leave you exhausted and morning sickness can make you feel far from sexy.

Just know that you’re not alone. A waning libido is only natural as your body stops sending signals to pass on your genes. You’re also feeling the maternal urge to protect your tiny offspring. Even if the doctor assures you sex is safe, a mother’s instinct might have you second-guessing hanky-panky.

During the first trimester it’s good to remember that sex doesn’t have to mean intercourse. If you’re not feeling up to going all the way, perhaps you could rediscover the joys of outercourse or even a simple massage. Touching one another and talking about your desires can ensure you stay close to your partner through these challenging months. (Get some tips in Double the Fun! 5 Hot Tips on Self Touch for Two.)

You don’t have to take intercourse off the table though. Sex during pregnancy has plenty of perks, including better sleep and a feelings of wellbeing . Sex during these early months can also be really enjoyable, even if you don’t feel up to it from the outset. Allow yourself to be seduced with an open mind and you might be surprised how much fun you’ll have.

Steam It Up in the Second Trimester

Many women say their second trimester is their favorite part of pregnancy. The fatigue and morning sickness are gone and your libido has returned. Your genitals will also be constantly engorged and lubrication is increased. These changes can make you feel more open to sex and can maximize your enjoyment.

Your changing body can be a bit of a stumbling block though. A baby bump and the extra curves that come with it may take some getting used to, but it’s important to take pride in these changes. Your awesome body is building a baby! (Get some tips on body confidence in 6 Steps That’ll Help You Love Love Love Your Naked Self.)

Urinary tract infections can also curb your sexual activities for a while. Pregnant women are more likely to contract these painful problems, and they can have nasty implications for pregnancy and your sex life. Don’t ignore painful urination or cramps; see a doctor as soon as you notice these symptoms. An untreated UTI can bring on early labor, so it’s crucial that you act quickly.

Connect in the Third Trimester 002

We hope you enjoyed your second trimester, because the third might be tough. That cute little baby bump has grown so large many women find that it feels impossible to get comfortable. And your estrogen and progesterone levels are at their highest.

This is the perfect time to remember the tactics you used to get through your first trimester. You might not always feel like intercourse, but sex can take many forms. Communicate about how you’re feeling so that you can stay close to your partner, even if you aren’t getting as close physically.

Oh, and with that big bump in the way, it can be difficult to get as close as you might like. Sex might seem daunting, but there are ways to work around your new body shape. Women on top and rear entry positions are ideal. See our article on safe, sizzling sex positions for pregnant women for enough inspiration to spice up this final trimester.

Your bump is also a real reminder that baby is on board, and men can struggle with this. However, doctors insist that no matter how hung your man is, his penis can’t possibly go through the cervix, amniotic sac and placenta. In simple terms, sex is totally safe for the little one (and good for you). For normal pregnancies, sex also won’t cause miscarriages or preterm labor.

And Another Thing

While sex is safe for most pregnant women, those with high-risk pregnancies should exercise caution and consult their doctor if they have any concerns. More important than sex itself is the intimacy this act can foster between new moms and dads. If you can get steamy during this time, go for it. If not, make sure you talk about your feelings and remember to show your affection in other ways. This will help couples deepen their connection with each other before the new addition to the family.

Complete Article HERE!

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #82 — 09/29/08

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

I have a really delectable show for you today. We have a big load of stimulating questions from the sexually worrisome. And I respond with an equal number of stunning, appealing and oh so informative responses! Hey, it’s what I do.

And just to mix things up a bit, I’m gonna throw in a nice Product Review.  You’re gonna love this one!

  • Lilla’s BF suddenly shut the backdoor.  What’s up with that?
  • E is all worried about the consistency of his spunk.
  • Dustin is gay.  His best gal-pal is straight.  They want to make a baby.
  • NHB is chompin’ at the bit.  He and his partner are discussing opening the corral.

Finally a Product Review — The Vergenza Mk. I

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. 😉 Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes.  You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.
Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S STOCKROOM.

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Take A Deep Breath

Name: Jake
Gender:
Age: 18
Location: London
I have never had sex mostly because I have never managed to approach the person. I am bisexual and am desperate to have sex with a guy or girl. What are the best ways to approach someone for sex?

Can’t manage to approach a person for sex?  Are you just really shy, or are you a total geek?  Either way, my friend, you gotta get over yourself if you ever hope to get laid.  And here’s a tip:  perspective partners can smell desperation, like the kind you speak of, a mile away.  And they will avoid you like the plague.

Ok, so you’re just 18 without a lot of experience in the ways of the world.  teen_sexuality.jpgHere’s what I tell everyone who asks me this question, regardless of age, gender or sexual orientation.  When it comes to asking for sex; the direct approach works best.  Just so long as you’re not a dick about it.  If you haven’t already discovered this, baggin a bird will probably take a bit more finesse than pokin’ on a bloke.  And coming on to a mate demands a different approach than hittin’ up a stranger for a shag.

If there’s a bit of charm about you, your task will be considerably easier than if you are a crude Neanderthal who just wants to notch his belt.  If you’re not sure what your selling points are, ask a friend for his or her feedback.  If he or she tells you nice things bout yourself, you might be in luck.  If he or she tells you that you’re a charmless creep, you’ll have your work cut out for you.

Regardless what group you fall into — the “maybe fuckable”, or the “not fucking ever”, you can always improve your image and hone your unique style.  Look to how you present yourself; make sure you are groomed, clean and odor-free.  Dress to impress.  Stay clear of fancy or fussy, but do make it look like you gave your cloths a thought before you dressed yourself.  Make yourself interesting; have a point of view, but share it sparingly.  Develop a sense of humor about yourself.  If you can’t be clever or witty, then keep your mouth shut for the most part.

boys_kissing05.jpgThe internet is a great place to test the waters.  Dating and hook-up sites abound.  Put up a profile…with a photo or two.  Here’s a tip, save the dick pics for the queer sites.  Women don’t want to see your pathetic willie, at least not right away.  And like I said above, there’s nothing more unattractive to most women, or men, than a desperate fuck.  Asking for what you want is good, pleading to be taken out of pity is not!

Few women are as casual about sex as are most men.  So if a woman tells you no, she just may be shy, or not ready, or not sure.  If a guy tell you no, it’s not the end of the world.  He’s probably not into your type.  Since there are so many fish in the sea, if you’re not immediately successful, move on.  Sometimes getting laid is a situational thing.  Being in the right place at the right time is helpful.

Chicks are gonna be concerned about the whole pregnancy thing. This is much more serious concern for a woman then for a dude. If you’re not well versed on all methods of contraception and willing to practice at least one, you’re not ready to have sex. Sexually transmitted infections ought to be a concern for you both.  Don’t be a fuck-up; always use a condom regardless of your partner’s gender.

condoms001.jpg

If you’re dick is hard, it’s not the right time to talk about sex with a woman, but it might be the best time to hit up a dude.  Women don’t necessarily like the lean and hungry look.  Men tend to groove on it.

There are lots of different ways to have sex, so what might be appealing to one person may not be to another.  Hand jobs and/or blow jobs are often more easy to cum by than full-on fucking with both birds and blokes.

In the end, there no standard way to ask for sex, but if you treat a prospective partner, regardless of gender, with respect, honesty, and patience, you can be sure whatever words you use will be more effective than if you’re an uncouth lout.

Name: Nita
Gender: female
Age: 40
Location: South Africa
I recently had abdominal surgery to remove a cancer.  I’m recovering pretty well, and the prognosis for my future is also pretty good.  But I am noticing two problems. The surgery left a really big scar.  It’s still not fully healed yet, but I can tell it’s always going to be ugly.  And my belly is really misshapen now. I felt pretty okay about my body before hand, but this scar really makes me look really unattractive.  Also, my sex drive has completely gone away. I used to be a pretty sexual person, but now nothing excites me. Would you say this is normal?

How long ago was your surgery, I wonder?  It’s got to be pretty recent, if you say the incision is still healing.

Darlin’, may I suggest that you’ve been through quite a trauma — a cancer diagnosis, recent surgery and all.  This would throw anyone for a loop.  I’d be willing to guess you’ve not had the proper time to process all of this.  It comes as no surprise to me that your libido has gone south.  I wouldn’t expect otherwise.

If you’re still healing on the outside, you know for sure your insides have a much longer way to go.  You’re probably still feeling some discomfort, right?  That’s enough to put the kibosh on sexual interest right there.  You’re body is consumed with the job of healing itself.  It probably hasn’t any energy to spare for sex.  And why have a libido if ya can’t be sexual, right?   So you see, your body is actually protecting itself and concentrating on the task at hand.sensual_massage110.JPG

Maybe at this point in your recovery a little pampering would be better for you than a pursuit of sexual pleasure.  Long luxurious baths will help soothe the tension, as well as giving your easy access to your fine pussy.  Even folks with no discernable libido find touching themselves enjoyable. And just to keep your head in the game, even though you’re sitting on the sidelines, you could read some erotica or watch some sexy smut.

Some modest exercise like walking or swimming can perk up the libido too.  Treat yourself to an erotic massage.  Let a pro get his or her hands on you and make you glow.  This may also help bring back some of the sensitivity to areas effected by the surgery.  One things for sure, doing something is better than doing nothing but sitting there wondering what’s up.

An invasive and disfiguring surgery will always have a profound effect on one’s body image, which goes without saying.  Feeling unattractive because of a scar? No doubt about it, it’s a bummer.  But here you are writing to me about it, instead of napping six-feet under.  So I guess the scar is not the worst thing that could have happened, right?  As you probably know, I’m hearing from a number of my country’s war vets returning home with shattered bodies and lives.  My advice to them is what I offer you now.  Move through the scar’s impact…with a therapist if need be.  And find within yourself the other things that make you beautiful, attractive, alluring and desirable. Who knows, you might luck out and find a scar fetishist out there who will worship you for what you find loathsome.

mastectomy_scars.jpgEmbracing and then moving past your scaring will open you to find the myriad pleasures your body can still provide you and others.  So while your body works on healing itself, your mind can do likewise.  No need to have two scars, on one your belly and another one on your psyche.  In the end you may find that flaunting your scar, like some women do with their mastectomy scars, will liberate you from feeling unattractive.  After all, that scare and misshapen abdomen are your red badges of courage, honey.  Not only do they make you distinct, but also they testify to you being a survivor.

Name: David
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Location: New York, NY
This is a rather disgusting question. I am a gay male who prefers to be the bottom. The trouble is that even if I perform an enema right before sex, I still seem to get some excrement onto my partner’s penis during sex. It just seems that the feeling of the motion back and forth inside of me causes a sensation that makes something come out. The odor is, at times, unpleasant and I, of course, am mortified. I wonder if this is a common problem and if there is anything else I can do to PREVENT this from happening?? Could it perhaps be my diet? Do I need to drink more water?

YIKES!  You sound like a real attractive guy, David.  Just kidding!

If you are douching properly before the butt fucking there shouldn’t be much seepage if any.  Maybe you’re not taking care of business correctly.  Or maybe you need to douche twice.  Or maybe you’re being fucked too hard.  I know that a vigorous fucking will introduce more air into the bottom’s rectum expanding it and making for that “OMG, I gotta take a dump” feeling.butt_fuck5.jpg

I understand you being mortified; a smelly dirty fuck is no fun for anyone.  That being said, you have to realize your bowels are working properly, so it’s not their fault.  Just remember, there will inevitably be some unpleasant side effects when rootin’ around in someone’s hole, regardless how fastidious the bottom is about his hygiene.

I’m not sure I see the connection between diet and hydration and messy fucking, but hell, I’d try just about anything to keep from embarrassing myself when my toes are pointed to jesus!

Name: Ken
Gender:
Age: 42
Location: Seattle
I recently went to get a massage with a “happy ending” As soon as the girl started to fondle me I came and I did not even have an erection yet.  I never have this problem with my wife or past girlfriends. Why did this happen? It sure cost a lot of money for about five minutes with this “lady”. Thanks

Well, let’s see…either this “masseuse” (and I use that term very loosely) was amazingly talented, or you were just real nervous about doing this naughty thing with someone other than your wife.

Hmmm, I bet it was the later.

Here’s a tip, always get the massage first…before the happy ending.  If the first thing that happens is the happy ending, then you got gypped, darlin’!

Name: Marion
Gender: female
Age: 32
Location: NYC
I’m 34 and single.  After 15 years of unsuccessful dating, searching for the right guy to marry and raise a family with, I decided to go it alone.  I’m 2 months pregnant through artificial insemination.  You’ll love this; the donor is my best gay pal.  I am absolutely delighted and cherish the thought of finally being a mother.  While a lot of the guys I’ve been dating aren’t father material, they are great sex and I don’t want to continue to enjoy their company.  I gather that it’s safe to have sex during pregnancy.  But is there anything I should avoid?  Are there specific sexual positions that better suit a mommy-to-be like me?

Hey, congratulations on the bun in the oven, darlin’.  And how true about some men being great in the sack, but not desirable husband and/or father material.  I know several gay men who have helped out a long-suffering straight and lesbian friends with the whole breeding thing.  Us “mos” are so selfless in that regard.  😉

It’s difficult to find accurate and unambiguous information about sex preg_sex01jpg.jpgduring pregnancy that doesn’t have a decidedly sex-negative bias to it.  For the most part, our culture promotes the message that sex is primarily for procreation.  Why then would any responsible mother to be continue to have sex if she’s already knocked up?  You can see where a lot of the misconceptions, misinformation and scare tactics come from, huh?

So let’s see if we can shed some light on this for ya.  As a pregnancy advances, the fertilized egg grows into an embryo and then into a fetus. The fetus is encased in and protected by the amniotic cavity.  This provides the fetus nourishment and protects it from infections.  A thick layer of mucus seals the cervix further isolating the fetus in the mother’s uterus.

If you’re having a normal pregnancy, as do most women, then there is no reason to alter your sex life during your pregnancy.  Since this is your first, you’ll not know this, but a woman who has a history of premature birth may be advised by her physician to abstain from partnered sex during the last three months of pregnancy.  In the same way, a woman with a history of miscarriage will probably be advised to avoid partnered sex in the first trimester.  Only women with high-risk pregnancies might be advised to avoid sex for the full term of the pregnancy.

Nature provides all protection the fetus needs in its mother’s uterus. So you don’t need to worry about semen or vaginal fluids coming into contact with the baby.  And the mucus seal on your cervix does not allow a penis to come in direct contact with the fetus either.  Which dispels several misconceptions right there, don’t cha know.

In terms of pregnancy related sex, I suspect that your libido will probably play a more determining role in your availability for sex than you capacity to have sex.  Your libido will no doubt fluctuate during your pregnancy, which may have a lot to do with hormonal fluctuations.  Increased blood circulation in your pelvic region will heighten sensations, but you may find your body feels too heavy to fully enjoy sex.

Most men will love your bigger tits and fuller hips, but sometimes an overriding concern to avoid any exertion on the uterus or in the vagina makes partnered sex too cumbersome.

Sex during pregnancy, like sex after menopause, is free of worry about contraception, which makes sex more enjoyable for some.  While others are too busy anticipating the new addition to be much interested in sex at all.

In terms of sexual positions, you’re gonna be the best judge of that.  No preg_sex08.jpgposition is automatically ruled out, but as your pregnancy progresses you’ll find some positions, like the missionary position, will be uncomfortable. One of the best positions might be the woman on top position. Sometimes known as the Cowgirl position.  This position takes all of the pressure off of the woman’s abdomen, and also allows her to control the speed and the depth of thrusting.

And if you are a fan of anal sex; that will continue to be a terrific option throughout your pregnancy, particularly doggie style.  Some pregnant women claim that butt fucking actually helps soothe their pregnancy induced hemorrhoids.  In your final weeks mutual masturbation may be the easiest option as well as the most satisfying sexual outlet.

Good Luck ya’ll

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #21 — 07/09/07

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

I have a delightful show for you today. We hear from several very interesting correspondents. And I am my usual sassy, sociable and oh so informative self! Hey, it’s what I do.

  • Leo is seeing spots!
  • Wilson has lost his mojo.
  • Marion has a bun in the oven, but she wants to continue to fool around.
  • Eddie can blow himself. There’s hardly a reason for him to leave the house!
  • Gil thinks kissing is a lost art.

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

If it were that easy

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s dr dick’s toll free podcast voicemail. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question? No time to write? Give dr dick a call at (866) 422-5680. Again, the TOLL FREE voicemail number is (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY !

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the health section under the subheading — Sexuality. Or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice With An Edge. And don’t forget to subscribe. I don’t want you to miss even one episode.

Say, would you like to become a sponsor for one or more of my weekly sex advice podcasts? As you know, I plug a product or service at the beginning and end of each show. Each podcast has its own posting on my site along with the name of the podcast sponsor and a banner for the product or service.

The beauty part about this unique opportunity is that once a sponsor’s ad is included in a particular podcast that sponsor is embedded there forever.

Your sponsorship also underscores your social conscience. Your marketing dollars will not only got to promote your product, but you will be doing so while helping to disseminate badly needed sex education and sexual enrichment messages. Simply put, ya just can’t get a better bang for your advertising buck!

For further information, contact me at: dr_dick@drdicksexadvice.com

This week’s sponsor is Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

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