Google reveals top sex questions people asked in 2023

By Emily Brown

Google has revealed the top sex questions people asked this year – and it’s made me slightly concerned for everyone who lived before the internet.

Honestly, what the hell did people do before its creation?

You’re telling me they nipped over to the local library and scanned the shelves to find out the answers to their explicit questions?

I don’t think so.

But of course, with the creation of the internet also comes data that can be stored and analysed, allowing Google to come up with the very list we’re reporting on today.

It might be embarrassing to think about how Google probably knows exactly whether you’re among the people asking these questions, but at least you’ll know you’re not alone.

So, let’s get on with it shall we?

10 – How do fish have sex?

I bet that’s not where you thought we’d be starting, is it? But it’s a valid enough question, even if it’s never crossed your mind before.

If you’re curious now, I can tell you that fish apparently aren’t so bothered about having sex as they are with reproducing.

Spawning fish get themselves into what’s known as a ‘nuptial embrace’, where the male wraps his body around the female and releases milt into the water, while the female releases eggs which are then immediately fertilized.

Fish are more bothered about having babies than getting busy. Credit: Pixabay
Fish are more bothered about having babies than getting busy.

9 – Why do I have no sex drive female

There are a number of things that can lower your sex drive as a woman, including relationship problems, stress, anxiety or depression, sexual problems, pregnancy, medicines and hormonal contraception.

If you’re worried about low sex drive, you can get in touch with your GP for advice.

8 – What is anal sex?

Loads of you might be clued up on exactly what anal sex is, but clearly there are a lot of people still out there wondering.

To put it simply, anal sex involves penetration of the anus, rather than the vagina.

You wouldn't want to ask about anal sex in a library. Credit: Pixabay
You wouldn’t want to ask about anal sex in a library.

7 – How long after a miscarriage can you have sex?

As well as dealing with the emotional effects of miscarriage, there are also a number of physical effects which can impact sex.

People may bleed for a period of time following a miscarriage, during which time

the cervix is dilated wider than normal, making it more prone to infection.

To help ensure you can carry out healthy sex, doctors recommend waiting at least two weeks after miscarriage before inserting anything into the vagina.

6 – How many calories do you burn during sex?

Is it possible to really get a good workout from pleasure?

Research indicates that you can at least equate some fun in the bedroom to light exercise – with one study conducted by the University of Quebec at Montreal revealing that men burned an average of 101 calories in 24 minutes, while women burned 69 calories.

No, I’m not making that number up.

Sex can be considered light exercise. Credit: Pexels
Sex can be considered light exercise.

5 – How many dates should you go on before having sex?

Ah, the age-old question. What is the perfect number? Some live by the three-date rule, while others want to wait until they hit four or five.

Ultimately, it comes down to your own preferences; when you’re ready, whether you actually still like the person after a few dates, and whether you actually want to have sex with them.

4 – Why do I bleed after having sex?

The NHS states there are a number of reasons women may bleed after having sex, including an infection, vaginal dryness or damage to the vagina.

In rare instances, bleeding after sex can be a sign of cervical or vaginal cancer.

If you’re concerned, contact your GP for advice.

3 – What is sex positivity?

There are varying definitions of sex positivity, but generally it’s about openness and appreciation of sex, including sexual orientations, interests, identities and expressions.

Embrace and enjoy it!

Sex positivity is about embracing and appreciating sex. Credit: Pexels
Sex positivity is about embracing and appreciating sex.

2 – Can you have sex when pregnant?

There have been a few jokes made on TV and in films about whether the baby could be impacted by the sudden appearance of an unexpected guest in the vagina, but I can assure you that, unless you’ve been specifically advised by a doctor or midwife to avoid sex, the baby will be fine.

A penis or toy wouldn’t penetrate beyond the vagina, meaning having sex is perfectly safe.

1 – What is speed bump sex position?

Here we are, at the most Googled sex question of 2023. I’m surprised positions didn’t come up sooner, but everyone’s clearly spent this year focused on one in particular.

So, what is the speed bump?

Popularized by Love Island star Tom Clare after he mentioned it on the show, the speed bump involves one person putting a pillow under their hips before lying face down.

The pillow forms the so-called ‘speed bump’, though I’m not sure how effective it is at getting people to slow down.

So there you have it, you’ve managed to learn the answers to the year’s top sex questions without becoming a Google statistic.

You’re welcome.

Complete Article HERE!

What to expect when you’re expecting

— How will your sex life change during pregnancy and postpartum?

The perinatal period can be hectic. It’s understandable that sex may be on the back burner for a little while.

By &

Welcoming a new baby is often a joyous experience for couples. While many couples take time to prepare for the arrival of their bundle of joy, fewer take time to prepare for challenges that can emerge in their sexual and romantic relationships during this period.

At The University of British Columbia’s Sexuality and Well-Being Lab (SWell), we conduct research to understand the factors that lead some couples to thrive during pregnancy and the postpartum while others struggle. We then use this research to develop resources to help couples navigate these changes together.

What to expect

Sexual challenges during pregnancy and the postpartum are common. Up to 88 per cent of people who give birth and 45 per cent of their partners experience problems with their sex life during this time.

With shifting roles and responsibilities, the perinatal period (pregnancy and up to one year postpartum) can be hectic. It’s understandable that sex may be on the back burner for a little while.

Studies conducted by our team and our collaborators at Dalhousie University have shown that many expectant and new parents desire sex less often and/or at different times than their partner.

Many couples report having distressing concerns about their sex life, such as body image or whether having sex during pregnancy will hurt the baby — FYI, it won’t. Approximately one in five people who gave birth report moderate pain during sex that either starts in pregnancy or after the baby is born.

Sexual problems usually get worse throughout pregnancy until three months postpartum, when they generally start improving.

A pregnant woman lying on her back and a smiling man lying beside her with his hand on her belly
Expectant and new parent couples often don’t know what to expect when it comes to their sex lives.

If this seems daunting, you’ll be encouraged to hear that despite sexual challenges being common, 64 per cent of couples say that they are still sexually satisfied during this time.

This is great news because having a strong sexual connection with your partner is important for your mental and physical health, and contributes to the longevity of your relationship.

The information gap

Expectant and new parent couples often don’t know what to expect when it comes to their sex lives. In a recent study sampling 204 couples across Canada and the United States, we found that up to 78 per cent of expectant and new parents received little to no information about changes to their sexuality. This is despite most individuals wanting to receive sex-related information!

Given that sexual problems are common and not inconsequential to the health of the romantic relationship, this lack of information for couples about what to expect regarding their perinatal sexuality is a problem.

On top of this information gap, the content of information that couples receive doesn’t match what they want to receive.

In our study, we found that expectant and new parents most often received information about things like safety of sexual activity in pregnancy, contraception, when to resume sex in the postpartum and information only relevant to the partner who gave birth.

What’s missing is reassurance that changes to sexuality are common and advice on how to manage changes. Information about the sexuality of the partner who didn’t give birth is also lacking, even though both members of the couple are affected. Expectant and new parents want a variety of information to help them be better prepared.

Research has also revealed that psychological factors such as postpartum depression, social factors such as divisions of labour and relationship factors such as coping together as a couple are important for couples’ sexual relationships in pregnancy and the postpartum.

Perhaps surprisingly, biological factors — such as whether the delivery was vaginal or caesarean, and the degree of tearing — are not strong predictors of sexual problems during this time.

Translating knowledge into practice

Health-care professionals feel they have a lack of knowledge and training to talk about sexual health with expectant and new parents, and worry that doing so would make them and/or their patients feel uncomfortable. However, our research showed that most couples would welcome these conversations.

Health-care professionals need training on how to initiate conversations about perinatal sexual health with expectant and new parents, but they also need to know the latest research in this area.

Researchers at Dalhousie University recently produced a series of short informational videos that summarize recent research on sex after having a baby. The goal of #PostBabyHankyPanky is to normalize changes to postpartum sexuality, encourage conversations about sex between partners and help health-care professionals feel more prepared to have these discussions with their patients.

If you’re a new or expectant parent and you’ve been noticing changes in your relationship, here’s some good news: Our research shows that when couples receive more information about what to expect regarding changes to their sex lives in pregnancy or the postpartum (like what you’ve read here) they report greater desire, engage in sex more often, feel more sexually satisfied and feel less worried about their sex lives.

Complete Article HERE!

What You Should Know About Postpartum Sex

Having sex after giving birth isn’t only about being medically ready

When a newborn enters your life, your bedroom thoughts are certainly not what they used to be. The bedroom was likely your place of quiet rest, peace and often, where you might have expressed your sexuality. With a newborn, though, many of these things may seem far, far away.

That will change with time. Your body will heal. You’ll become more comfortable with your new role as a parent. Eventually, your thoughts will probably be less, “Let’s get some sleep” and more, “Let’s get physical.”

“Postpartum sex is one of those things people don’t tend to talk about a lot, but we should,” says Ob/Gyn Jacqueline Zuponcic, DO. “There’s a lot happening physically and mentally after having a baby that will affect your sex life.”

We talked with Dr. Zuponcic about what you can expect for your sex life after giving birth.

The difference between medically ready and ‘ready-ready’

For starters, all births are different. All postpartum experiences are different. And all sexual desires — say it with me — are different.

Dr. Zuponcic explains that when your healthcare provider clears you to engage in sex physically, that doesn’t mean you’re necessarily going to be ready-readyfor sex.

“Sexual desire in women and people assigned female at birth (AFAB) is determined by what we call bio-psycho-social triggers,” Dr. Zuponcic says. “For many women, sexual desire is like an unconscious checklist in their heads.”

There are biological things, like our hormones, our physical recovery, our breast tenderness and our fatigue.

There are psychological things, like postpartum depression and baby blues. Not everyone feels their best when they haven’t had time to brush their teeth and have a shower.

There are social things, like what it means for us to be a parent and how we interact with our partners in this new role.

Then, there’s just all the other stuff. Are the socks off the floor? Are the dishes put away? How does one baby generate so much laundry?

In other words, no matter when your provider says you’re physically ready to engage in sex, you may not feel prepared or interested quite yet. That’s natural and should be respected. Listen to your body.

Recommendations regarding when it’s safe to engage in sexual intercourse after giving birth will mostly depend on the circumstances of your delivery. Generally, your provider will likely recommend waiting two to six weeks after your baby is born before getting all hot and heavy.

There are a few reasons to wait.

Your pelvic floor (the muscles that line your vagina and support your bladder) will need some time to rest and recover. Also, following delivery, your cervix takes some time to return to its pre-pregnancy state. Infection can make its way in more easily during this time, too.

“It’s best to keep things out of the vagina for a few weeks. That includes tampons, saliva, penises, fingers and toys,” Dr. Zuponcic says. “Your cervix hasn’t yet shrunk back down. After having a baby, it’s easier for bacteria to get into the uterus and make you very sick.”<

Vaginal delivery

For those who experienced tearing or heavy bruising over their vulva (the outside of your vagina), your provider will likely recommend abstaining from sex for six weeks.

“If you had stitches following your delivery, those sutures need time to dissolve, and the tissue needs time to heal so that it’s strong enough to withstand sexual intercourse,” Dr. Zuponcic explains. “You want to wait for those sutures to be fully dissolved before engaging in any sexual activities, including intercourse and receiving oral sex.”

If you had a tear-free vaginal delivery and no other complications, your provider may say you can resume sexual activity as soon as two weeks after giving birth, if you so choose.

C-section delivery

If you had a Cesarean section (C-section) delivery, your doctor will likely suggest you abstain from sex for at least six weeks. That’s because your incision needs time to heal to avoid complications. Often, too, people who delivered babies via C-section were dilated prior to giving birth. That means your uterus may still be more prone to infection if your cervix (the opening to your uterus) is still open.

What is postpartum sex like?

Your sexual desires and experiences may be different from what you remember for a little while. That’s very normal, too. Dr. Zuponcic recommends taking it slow and practicing open communication with your partner.

“There are things that are going to work, and there are things that may not work,” she says. “Careful, thoughtful intercourse and good communication between you and your partner about what’s working and what’s not, especially the first few times you try, is important to your experience, and probably theirs, too.”

Sex after childbirth may cause some discomfort at first

Pain during sex isn’t OK, but some discomfort during those first few postpartum attempts can be expected. Scar tissue from tears is often less stretchy than the surrounding vaginal tissue. As the scar heals over time, it often organizes and softens. Serial attempts at sex with your partner may help stretch and soften that scar tissue as well. Just remember to communicate with one another through these times.

If you’re breastfeeding, you may leak milk. Consider wearing a bra while having sex. You also may be more prone to vaginal dryness.

“When you’re breastfeeding, your circulating estrogen levels drop, which can make your vaginal tissue very thin, as opposed to that stretchy, lubricated tissue you’re used to,” Dr. Zuponcic explains.

Once you’ve stopped breastfeeding, or after your periods have resumed, that thin dry vaginal tissue tends to improve in the weeks that follow. Many people have tenderness over their vaginal scars that doesn’t go away until this time as well.

If sex is painful or remains uncomfortable after a few tries, talk to your healthcare provider. They should be able to discuss medications and lubrication options that may help. Dr. Zuponcic says some people also benefit from a form of physical therapy that works to strengthen the pelvic floor.

After pregnancy, you may have a lower libido

You’ve been through a lot. You grew a little person and delivered them into the world. And now, you have a newborn who depends on you night and day. It can be exhausting. Sex just may not be on top of your list of things to do right now.

“You have a lot going on caring for a new life,” Dr. Zuponcic says. “You have this new human in your home. You have to navigate a whole new routine. Sex being at the bottom of the list is not unusual. Your desire generally does increase again after some time.”

Further contributing to a lower libido than your pre-pregnancy days could be postpartum blues, also known as “baby blues.” Dr. Zuponcic says 85% of people experience postpartum blues following the birth of a baby. If you have postpartum blues, you may be prone to crying, anxiety and sadness for no apparent reason for a week or two after delivery. Postpartum blues are also likely to lower your sex drive.

Postpartum blues symptoms shouldn’t last long and are relatively mild. More severe and longer-lasting feelings of anxiety and sadness could be postpartum depression, a serious condition. Talk to your provider if you’re experiencing the following symptoms:

  • Alternating highs and lows.
  • Frequent crying, irritability and fatigue.
  • Feelings of guilt.
  • High levels of anxiety.
  • An inability to care for your baby or yourself.

How soon can you get pregnant after giving birth?

The national Office on Women’s Health recommends spacing out pregnancies by at least 12 months. Some doctors recommend closer to 18 months. Dr. Zuponcic says this means waiting at least a year between having one baby and conceiving the next. That’s because your risk of pregnancy complications, including premature birth and postpartum depression, is higher if your pregnancies are closer together than that.

Dr. Zuponcic says women who aren’t breastfeeding will likely ovulate for their first time around 39 days postpartum. You will ovulate beforeyou get your period. So, you can become pregnant after giving birth even if you haven’t had a period yet.

“If you don’t plan on becoming pregnant, having a birth control plan in place from the time you leave the hospital is your best bet,” Dr. Zuponcic says. “If you wait to start contraception until after you begin menstruating again, it may be too late to avoid an unplanned pregnancy.”

If you don’t intend to get pregnant, you’ll need a plan.

Birth control options for postpartum phase

Your options for birth control after having a baby are very similar to your options prior to being pregnant. They include:

  • Birth control pill.
  • Intrauterine device (IUD).
  • Hormonal implant.
  • Condoms.
  • Patches.
  • Vaginal rings.

The estrogen in some contraceptives may affect your milk supply; though, some studies support this and some do not. If you’re breastfeeding, your doctor will likely recommend you use contraception options that don’t include estrogen, such as a progesterone-only pill (aka the “mini-pill”) and specific IUD products.

“Some of the long-term birth control options, like IUDs and implants, can be given before you even leave the hospital after having your baby,” Dr. Zuponcic notes. “There’s a lot of peace of mind to be gained from leaving the hospital knowing you’re already protected from an unplanned pregnancy.”

What about natural family planning?

While not as effective as other forms of birth control, natural family planning, or the rhythm method, appeals to some people who have concerns about side effects of some other birth control methods or whose religious beliefs don’t support other methods.

To practice the rhythm method, you closely analyze your menstrual cycles to determine your fertile days each month. When practiced properly, the rhythm method is about 76% effective in preventing pregnancy. For comparison, Dr. Zuponcic says the hormonal implant Nexplanon®, for example, is 99.95% effective.

If followed precisely, the rhythm method can be effective in avoiding unplanned postpartum pregnancy. She cautions that you’ll need to wait to engage in intercourse until after your periods return to a more regular cycle, though.

“Remember, you can get pregnant before your first period after having a baby,” Dr. Zuponcic reiterates. “So, you’ll need to wait until after your period regulates before you are able to try to predict your fertility windows with any accuracy.”

Does breastfeeding prevent pregnancy?

If you’re breastfeeding, it may take longer to ovulate. Breastfeeding can prevent pregnancy early on, but shouldn’t be counted on exclusively as a contraception method.

“If you are breastfeeding exclusively — around eight times a day, and not feeding the baby any formula — that is fairly good contraception for about two months, three months tops,” Dr. Zuponcic says.

When you’re “ready-ready” to have sex after having your baby is a combination of your physical and mental readiness. Listen to your body and talk about any concerns with your doctor. Sex may not be what you remember right away, but with time and patience, you’ll find a new normal.

Complete Article HERE!

What vaginal changes can a person expect after giving birth?

A person can expect vaginal changes after giving birth. Common changes include perineal pain, pain during sex, bleeding, and vaginal dryness.

by Tabitha Britt

According to the United Kingdom’s National Health Service (NHS), it is not unusual for people to notice new and uncomfortable vaginal changes after giving birth.

To ensure a safe recovery, people should have several postpartum checkups with their OB-GYN, with the first checkup being within 3 weeks of delivery. Postpartum care is an ongoing process and requires more than a single visit.

This article will discuss the vaginal changes a person can expect after giving birth. It will also cover tips for postpartum recovery.

The NHS notes that it is normal for a person’s vagina to appear wider than it did pre-birth. The swelling and openness should subside in a few days.

Even so, vaginal laxity is a common complaintTrusted Source among those who have recently given birth.

Tips

Although a person’s vagina may not return to its pre-birth shape, this is not a cause for concern.

However, people can try pelvic floor exercises, or Kegel exercises, to help tone the vaginal muscles. This can help prevent urinary incontinence.

This may also help sex to feel more pleasurable. However, sexual pleasure is complex and there are many factors that can affect it.

If a person finds that they are experiencing difficulties with sexual pleasure or are concerned about the width of their vagina, they should contact a healthcare professional.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) does not recommend elective plastic surgery, vaginoplasty, or radio-frequency or laser procedures. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has not approved these for postpartum vaginal laxity.

Some sources refer to these procedures as “vaginal rejuvenation,” which is a marketing term and not a medical condition.

Postpartum vaginal dryness is commonTrusted Source and normal, particularly for those who are nursing.

Vaginal dryness results from low estrogen, and those who are nursing have lower levels of estrogen than those who are not nursing.

It can make sex uncomfortable or painful and may cause some light bleeding.

Tips

According to the NHS, once a person stops nursing and their periods have returned, the estrogen count should revert to pre-pregnancy levels and any noticeable vaginal dryness should improve.

In the meantime, people can try the following to ease any discomfort:

  • taking estrogen supplements
  • avoiding douches and personal hygiene sprays
  • staying hydrated
  • applying a vaginal moisturizer
  • using a lubricant during sex or foreplay
  • communicating with their sexual partner

According to the ACOG, the type, intensity, and duration of pain and soreness will vary from person to person. However, the NHS notes that most people should improve within 6–12 weeks after birth.

People may experience one or more of the following symptoms after childbirth:

  • cramping
  • back, neck, or joint pain
  • soreness in the perineum, which in females is the area between the vagina and anus
  • swollen or sore breasts

Those who underwent an episiotomy, which is when a doctor makes an incision in the perineum to widen the vaginal opening, or had perineal tears, may need stitches.

The NHS notes that approximately 9 in 10 people who undergo a vaginal birth for the first time will have a tear, graze, or episiotomy. Stitches should heal within 1 month after delivery.

Tips

Mild vaginal tears that occur during delivery can take a few weeksTrusted Source to heal.

To help with the pain in the meantime, a person can:

  • take over-the-counter (OTC) medications, such as ibuprofen
  • sit on a padded ring
  • apply an ice pack to cool the area

Anyone who is concerned about the healing process and pain should consult a doctor or midwife before taking any OTC pain relievers.

According to the ACOG, some bleeding and discharge after delivery is normal. It may first appear bright red in color and become lighter and pinker in color within a few days. Over time, the flow will decrease and eventually stop.

Some may experience postpartum vaginal discharge that lasts for a few weeksTrusted Source.

People who experience excessive bleeding should seek immediate medical attention as it could be a sign of postpartum hemorrhage or uterine atony. Healthcare professionals define excessive bleeding as filling more than two pads per hour for more than 1–2 hours.

According to BMC Pregnancy and ChildbirthTrusted Source, postpartum hemorrhage is the leading direct cause of maternal morbidity and mortality worldwide.

Tips

Postpartum discharge is an inevitable part of the healing process.

To make things easier, a person should avoid using tampons until after their 6-week postnatal check. They can also use sanitary pads until the discharge stops.

People will experience some postpartum bleeding or lochia after giving birth.

Lochia contains mucus, white blood cells, tissue, and blood. The womb sheds this menstrual-period-like mixture of fluid and tissue so the body can replace its uterine lining after delivery.

The ACOG notes that it will usually occur within 24 hours after giving birth, but it may happen up to 12 weeks later.

According to the Office on Women’s HealthTrusted Source, lochia appears heavy and bright red before becoming lighter in flow and color.

Individuals who lose more than 1000 milliliters of blood within 24 hours of giving birth should seek medical attention immediately as it could be a sign of a postpartum hemorrhage.

Those who are interested in reconnecting with their partner on a physical level may experience dyspareunia or pain with sex.

According to a 2018 studyTrusted Source, 37.5% of people reported pain with sex 6 months postpartum, while 46.3% reported a lack of interest in sexual activity.

While there is no timeline as to when a person can have sex again after giving birth, most doctors recommend that people wait 4–6 weeks following vaginal delivery.

Those who had an episiotomy or perineal tear should wait until the site has completely healed, as having sex too soon can increase a person’s risk of postpartum hemorrhage and uterine infection.

Learn more about when a person can have sex after being pregnant here.

Tips

People can try the following to help alleviate any pain or discomfort during postpartum sex:

  • Taking things slowly and starting with other intimate activities first, such as a massage, oral sex, or mutual masturbation.
  • Considering using a water-based lubricant during sexual activity.
  • Communicating with their partner about the pain they are experiencing and which activities are pleasurable and which are not.

Those who continue to feel pain during sex should contact a healthcare professional.

If a person’s vaginal canal is unable to stretch far enough to deliver the baby, the perineum may tear or the doctor will perform an episiotomy.

Excessive, raised, or itchy scar tissue may form around the tear or incision area.

Those who are concerned about perineal tears can massage their perineum within the last few weeks of pregnancy to reduce their chances of requiring an episiotomy.

A person should talk with a healthcare professional regarding the best way to massage the perineum.

While some people may experience heavier, longer, or more painful periods following delivery, others may find that their periods improve.

Those who bottle-feed or combine bottle feeding with nursing may have their first period 5–6 weeks after giving birth.

According to the ACOG, people who are not nursing should begin ovulating within a few weeks of childbirth. There may be a delay to ovulation for up to 6 months for people who are nursing.

Learn more about the first period after having a baby here.

Within the first few days after giving birth, some people may experience pain or burning while urinating.

Urinary incontinence is also common during pregnancy and after childbirth.

According to the Urology Care Foundation, the number of children a person has, from both cesarean and vaginal delivery, may increase their risk for urinary incontinence. In addition, people who have urinary incontinence during pregnancy are more likely to have it after childbirth.

Postpartum urinary incontinence usually goes away once a person’s pelvic muscles regain their strength. People who experience long-term incontinence should contact a healthcare professional.

Tips

People can try the following to ease their discomfort:

  • drinking water
  • running water in the sink while using the bathroom
  • soaking in a warm bath
  • doing Kegel exercises to strengthen their pelvic muscles

People can experience difficultyTrusted Source with orgasm after childbirth.

This may occur as a result of:

People who are having difficulty achieving orgasm or experiencing sexual dysfunction after giving birth should contact a doctor to see if an underlying condition could be exacerbating the issue.

Pregnancy increases the body’s production of estrogen and progesterone.

This influx of hormones leads to increased blood flow, which may cause the labia to darken.

These changes may be temporary or permanent, depending on the person.

The postpartum period begins after a person gives birth, lasting 6–8 weeksTrusted Source. It ends when the person’s body has almost returned to its pre-pregnancy state.

A 2021 article notes that the postpartum recovery period is likely to be longer than 6 weeksTrusted Source. However, there does not appear to be a consensus among healthcare professionals.

An older article from 2010 notes that the postpartum period consists of three phases. Healthcare professionals refer to the last phase as the delayed postpartum period, which can last for 6 monthsTrusted Source.

During this recovery period, a person should ensure that they:

  • Attend every checkup: According to the ACOG, checkups can help to ensure a person’s physical, mental, and emotional health are on the right track. It recommends that healthcare professionals provide 12 weeks of postpartum support.
  • Eat a well-balanced diet: To fight off fatigue and constipation, people should aim to eat a combination of complex carbs, protein, and fiber. Drinking plenty of fluids, participating in light exercise, such as walking, and using the bathroom when the urge comes can also prevent constipation.
  • Rest: Rest is an essential part of recovery. New mothers should get plenty of rest in the first 2–3 weeksTrusted Source after childbirth.

Learn more about postpartum recovery and what to expect.

After birth, a person can expect changes to their vagina, including:

  • vaginal width
  • vaginal dryness
  • soreness
  • discharge
  • bleeding
  • pain during sex
  • scar tissue
  • urinary incontinence
  • difficulty achieving orgasm
  • changes in the color of the vulva and vaginal opening

Healthcare professionals define the postpartum recovery period as the first 6 weeks after giving birth. The time it takes to recover will vary depending on the person. Those who have ongoing or severe symptoms should contact a doctor.

Complete Article HERE!

Your Guide To Sex & Intimacy After Giving Birth

by Sarah Regan

There are a number of things to consider when having sex after giving birth, from how soon you can actually do it to what bodily and hormonal changes you should expect. So, we asked experts for their best sex advice in the weeks following delivery.

How soon after birth is it OK to have sex?

It’s generally recommended that women wait six weeks to have intercourse after delivery, functional medicine gynecologist Wendie Trubow, M.D., MBA, tells mbg. “The tissue can take four to six weeks to fully heal—either vaginal or cesarean tissue—so it’s best to wait the full six weeks.”

Always double-check with your doctor when it comes to individual needs and timeline, though. And as certified sex therapist De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSW, CST, adds, you also want to listen to your body. “It really depends on the individual, and you may need more than six weeks, and that’s perfectly OK,” she says.

You might be wondering if having sex after giving birth is painful. It can be, according to Trubow, which is why it’s important to give yourself time to heal, as well as to be mindful when you do have sex. “The vagina may be tender if a woman had any tearing, so it’s important to not rush,” she says, adding that it may be important not to jump right into vaginal intercourse without engaging in some other sexual play first.

2. It might take longer to get aroused.

“Because nursing often suppresses ovulation, women typically feel like their libido is less when nursing,” Trubow explains. “It’s still possible to become aroused and have an orgasm; it just may take longer.”

Having a new baby is also obviously an exhausting change, she adds, which can also take a toll on libido. “Women often need more [warming up] when in the immediate postpartum time since their focus is often on their newborn,” she explains.

Take the time you need to turn yourself on, and get creative with your partners building up sexual desire.

3. You might want to spend more time with different types of sexual play.

Trubow recommends prioritizing sexual activities other than intercourse, aka what some people refer to as “foreplay.” She adds that it can take up to 30 minutes for a woman’s vagina to lengthen fully through arousal and stimulation, so if vaginal intercourse is something you want to engage in, it’s important to start with some other fun sexual play first. “And that makes intercourse more pleasurable and less uncomfortable,” she explains.

4. You can get pregnant postpartum.

Yes, you can get pregnant postpartum, Trubow says. Nursing does often inhibit ovulation, though not always, she says. You also ovulate before you have your first period post-delivery. “So, if you have unprotected intercourse and think you’re fine since you haven’t had a period yet, you could get pregnant if you’re ovulating, and you wouldn’t know it for a while,” she explains. So she says it’s important to use protection to prevent an immediate pregnancy, in case a woman is quick to ovulate after delivery.

5. You may experience higher libido when you ovulate.

While libido may be lower following delivery and during nursing, women may experience higher libido when they start to ovulate again, according to Trubow. You may notice a boost to your libido during ovulation, so that may be a good time to prioritize sex.

6. Your body is going through a lot.

It’s important to give yourself grace and have realistic expectations around sex after delivery, according to Blaylock-Johnson. “Your body may not do exactly the things it did before childbirth, but you can still have pleasurable, enjoyable sexual experiences,” she says.

She adds that fluctuating hormones can affect not only your libido but how well you naturally lubricate, and more. If you didn’t have any challenges with that before childbirth, you may have some challenges now, and that’s OK, she adds.

Tips for enhancing the experience:

1. Nurse first.

According to Trubow, if a woman is nursing, “it’s often helpful to nurse and then empty the breasts by pumping, to avoid having a milk letdown with nipple stimulation.”

2. Take your time.

Trubow also advises taking your time when it comes to postpartum sex, both in terms of how long you wait after delivery but also taking your time during the sex itself. If you want to wait longer than six weeks to have sex, that’s totally OK, she notes. And during intercourse, “if there is vaginal penetration, go slowly at the beginning,” she adds.

3. Don’t jump straight into intercourse.

There are many different kinds of sex to enjoy, only one of which is penis-in-vagina intercourse, notes Blaylock-Johnson. Even if that’s one sexual act that you’re definitely wanting to have, Trubow says it’s important to start with other types of sexual play. Not only is clitoral stimulation more likely to make a woman reach orgasm, but it’ll also help the vagina to lengthen so penetration is more comfortable. Again, it can take up to 30 minutes of arousal and stimulation for the vagina to lengthen fully.

4. Figure out positions that feel good for you.

After the healing period, Trubow says most positions should be fine. That said, she notes, “sometimes after a cesarean section, positions that minimize the depth of penetration are more comfortable,” so you may want to avoid legs over the partner’s shoulders or doggy style.

5. Try pelvic floor exercises.

According to Blaylock-Johnson, it’s not a bad idea to work your pelvic floor muscles post-delivery, and even consider working with a pelvic floor physical therapist if needed. “Kegels are great, but I think taking it a step further and working with a pelvic floor physical therapist can be beneficial,” she says, so you ensure you’re working and rehabilitating those muscles properly.

6. Use lubricant.

Because vaginal dryness isn’t uncommon following delivery, both Blaylock-Johnson and Trubow recommend using lubricant when you need it. “It’s perfectly OK to find a lube that works well with your body,” Blaylock-Johnson tells mbg. She adds that if you’re not using barrier methods with your partner, coconut oil as lube works well. If you are using protection, however, “then look at a good water-based or silicone-based lube,” she says. (Here are our fave natural lubes.)

7. Experiment.

Last but certainly not least, a new baby brings many changes, including to your sex life, so take some time to figure out what works for you now. And as Blaylock-Johnson notes, you don’t have to limit your sexual experiences solely to intercourse, either. “There are so many other ways you can experience pleasure outside of penis-and-vagina intercourse,” she adds.

Why maintaining intimacy is important.

In the days, weeks, months, and (let’s be honest) even years following the birth of a child, it’s important for parents to continually work on maintaining an intimate relationship as partners. And that doesn’t just mean sexual intimacy, though it’s certainly a factor.

Make time for each other, Blaylock-Johnson recommends—for sex but also just to be together and connect. “I often see couples becoming so lost in the new role of parent that they forget to be partners, so it’s important that you prioritize time to connect,” she notes.

Even if it’s just taking a few minutes while your baby is sleeping, sit down and check in with each other, she suggests. “And if you have the luxury of having someone to help with child care,” she adds, “then definitely set up date nights if you can.”

In short, she recommends maximizing your time together, especially away from screens. “If you can just prioritize that time to be partners outside of parents,” she says, “that will help keep the spark alive.”

The bottom line.

Having a baby affects virtually every area of your life, including your sex life. But that doesn’t mean your sex life has to suffer—and neither does the intimacy between you and your partner. Understanding what’s happening with your body, taking it slow, and experimenting with what works will all help as you and your partner get back into the groove while navigating having a new child.

Complete Article HERE!

What Is Pregnant Sex?

Sexual Intimacy Is Generally Safe During Pregnancy

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Sexual intimacy can be part of a healthy pregnancy. Depending on how far along the pregnancy is, some adjustments may need to be made to keep things fun and comfortable.

Avoiding sexually transmitted diseases (STD) is the chief concern when it comes to risks for most pregnancies. If you have a high-risk pregnancy, discuss pregnancy sex risks with your doctor.

Trimesters and Pregnancy Sex

There is very little evidence suggesting that there are risks associated with having sex during pregnancy.1 Despite this, several risk factors may cause doctors to encourage pregnant individuals to abstain from intercourse during the first trimester.2 These include vaginal bleeding and a history of early pregnancy loss.

Although research does not suggest that vaginal intercourse is associated with either of these outcomes, many doctors take a cautious approach to pregnant sex for couples who have experienced one or more losses.

Couples that are non-monogamous or where one has a sexually transmitted disease should be aware that it is important to appropriately manage STD risk during pregnancy. Several sexually transmitted infections have the potential to affect pregnancy outcomes.

If there is any risk of STD transmission during pregnancy, it is advisable to use barriers. Before taking a new sexual partner during pregnancy, STD screening is also a good idea.

Over the course of a pregnancy, certain types of sex can become less comfortable or enjoyable. Couples who wish to continue with sexual intimacy can try different sexual positions to figure out what works best for them as the pregnancy continues to develop.

Positions where the pregnant person is seated or lying on their side may be more comfortable than where they are lying on their back, particularly later during pregnancy.

Risks of Pregnancy Sex

There is remarkably little data about the risks of different types of sexual intimacy during pregnancy. In general, there is no reason to anticipate that sex during a low-risk pregnancy will cause problems, particularly in monogamous couples where both partners have been tested for STDs.

Doctors tend to be more concerned about high-risk pregnancies, but again there is very little data. People who are concerned about pregnant sex should discuss their individual risk/benefit calculations with their providers.

Theoretical risks that people are concerned may be associated with pregnant sex include:3

  • Preterm labor: Studies have not demonstrated an increased risk of preterm labor from having sex during pregnancy. The exception is where sexual activity increases the risk of genital tract infections, including bacterial vaginosis, associated with pre-term labor.
  • Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID): PID may be a risk for individuals exposed to STDs during pregnancy. PID is associated with an increased risk of pregnancy complications, and pregnant people with PID may need to be hospitalized for antibiotic treatment.4
  • Bleeding: No research has demonstrated a risk of antepartum hemorrhage (bleeding after the 20th week of pregnancy) caused by pregnancy sex, although it could theoretically be a risk for those with placenta previa.
  • Venous air embolism: This is an extremely rare pregnancy complication where an air bubble gets into the bloodstream. Studies estimate that it occurs in fewer than one in one million pregnancies, although where it does occur it can be fatal.3

Pregnant people are sometimes advised to avoid air being blown into the vagina during oral sex, which could potentially lead to a venous air embolism. Air can sometimes also be forced into the vagina during penile or other penetration.3

Coping With Pregnancy Sex

Sexual desire and interest can change substantially over the course of a pregnancy. For some people, pregnancy may be a time when they feel highly sexual. They may seek out more sexual intimacy with their partners.

Other people may feel less sexual during pregnancy. This can be because of changes in how they feel about their body and their overall sense of wellbeing. It can also be because of increased sensitivity to certain smells, tastes, and sensations that may occur during sex.

Couples for whom sexual intimacy is important should consider exploring different types of sexual intimacy during pregnancy if their usual menu of sexual choices isn’t working as well for them. This can include activities such as mutual masturbation or one partner holding the other while they masturbate.

Couples who want to continue to have intercourse during pregnancy may also need to explore different positions as the pregnant person’s body changes over the course of gestation. It is not uncommon for the frequency of intercourse to decrease, even in couples who continue to be sexually active throughout pregnancy.5

Perineal Massage and Vaginal Birth

Couples experiencing their first pregnancy may hear about the benefits of perineal massage. Perineal massage has been shown to reduce the risk of both an episiotomy and requiring stitches after a tear during delivery.6

Although perineal massage doesn’t have to be sexual, it certainly can be. In many ways, perineal massage is like careful fingering and other types of digital sex. Just make certain that any hands involved are clean, you’re using appropriate lubricant, and you’re not going any faster than is comfortable for the pregnant person.

Research on perineal massage is focused on using the practice once or twice a week, starting at 35 weeks.6 While clear benefits have been shown for people who have not previously undergone a vaginal delivery, that’s less true for those who have.

Still, if it’s something couples enjoy during a first pregnancy, there’s no reason they shouldn’t continue to do perineal massage during later pregnancies.

Can you have sex during pregnancy? Yes, if you want to. Although there isn’t all that much research about sexual activity during pregnancy, most of what’s out there says that pregnant sex doesn’t noticeably increase the risk to either parent or infant.

The exception is where sex during pregnancy can lead to a new infection with herpes, syphilis, or another STD that increases the risk of poor pregnancy outcomes. In a mutually monogamous relationship, where neither partner has an outside exposure, pregnancy sex is generally considered low to no risk.

However, in the case of high-risk pregnancy, couples should consult their doctor before engaging in pregnant sex.

Complete Article HERE!

Why so many moms can’t have great sex

Cultural stereotypes around mothering have a detrimental effect on many moms’ sex lives. Time to rewrite the script

Stressed out mother sipping on a cup of coffee on her messy bed while her three daughters are playing around her

By Gail Cornwall

San Francisco mother Sara Lopes didn’t even realize she’d lost a part of herself until she got it back. “I had been so consumed with both children and starting to work again that we hadn’t had sex in maybe a year and a half,” says Lopes, 41, whose first name has been changed to protect her privacy. “Figuring out how to have dinners prepped, remembering to buy rain boots, paying our credit card bill, scheduling play dates, worrying about summer camps. I couldn’t even think about my social life, let alone my sex life.” Only after Lopes and her husband instituted Saturday night sex did the truth dawn on her: “I had needs that I had absolutely forgotten about.”

Lopes points the finger at herself, but she is not to blame for the problem, and Saturday night sex is not necessarily the solution. A handful of experts who’ve taken a closer look at the science of female sexuality and how it’s impacted by motherhood—from newly postpartum to empty nest—say we’ve had it all wrong.

The common tale of female sexuality fails us

Cultural scripts are stories we watch play out in advertisements, sitcoms, and IRL so often that we know our part. Our roles have come to feel like second nature, like our nature. 

The cultural script we’re told, particularly in the context of heterosexual relationships, goes something like this: Men are hardwired to seek variety; women, stability. Men crave sex; women consent to it (or bargain with it). Men prefer physical closeness; women, emotional intimacy. Men need climax; women are along for the ride.

There’s one problem with these familiar gender scripts: Scientifically speaking, they’re B.S. “Women have been sold a bill of goods,” writes Wednesday Martin in “Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free.” “In matters of sex, women are not the tamer, more demure, or reticent sex.”

By our 30s and 40s, many of us figure that out. We embrace our sexuality after realizing, as Dr. Stephanie Buehler puts it: “We are built for pleasure.” We do our part to decrease the “orgasm gap” by seeking out sex where foreplay isn’t just an appetizer to be shoveled down as quickly as possible (or skipped entirely) prior to the main (inter)course.

But when parenthood happens, the difference between male and female reports of desire and satisfaction yawns wider. Ultimately, “a giant share” of mothers in the U.S. aren’t having good sex, says Katherine Rowland, author of “The Pleasure Gap,” which hit shelves just before the pandemic. And that includes a lot of lesbian moms. Why? Often, it’s because a mom-specific scripts has stepped in. Cultural stereotypes about motherhood often fall into one of these seven ruts.

1. I can’t really think about myself right now

Lydia Elle, 40, is a single mom with a 10-year-old in Los Angeles. She told me that she felt like when she became a mom, it became all-encompassing: “almost like ‘mom’ eclipsed ‘woman,'” she says. “Nurturing is a wonderful thing, but when you feel like that’s your only role, it’s a hindrance for good sex, because for that, you have to switch from being a giver to being okay being a receiver.”

We bring up girls to be helpful and empathetic, anticipating others’ needs and satisfying them. To “have it all” can often mean to give your all. To everyone. All the time.

You can partially thank the Victorians for this. In 1862, Dr. William Acton famously said, “As a general rule, a modest woman seldom desires any sexual gratification for herself.” But this is just a belief, and not one we’ve always held. Rowland says the Greeks thought female orgasm was required for conception. There’s no reason modern Americans can’t change the way we conceive of female pleasure.

2. I’m too touched-out

With a baby at her breast and a toddler clinging to her legs, one Seattle-area mom, who prefers not to be named, said the last thing she wants at night is another set of hands on her body. Buehler, a psychologist and sex therapist who’s written multiple books, says the idea of “touch fatigue” is so popular that she was shocked to find not a single scientific study confirming the phenomenon. But it makes sense when you think about it: Have you met many moms who’ll turn down a professional massage? It’s not that parents who spend a good deal of time with young children don’t want to be touched, Buehler thinks. They just don’t want another unpleasant, obligatory touch: “You have a partner who has needs, but they may feel like demands. And then the woman is like, ‘I am not here to service everybody,'” she says. Others simply find the gear-shift hard to manage, Buehler says, thinking, “How am I supposed to be this adoring, nurturing mother by day, and then be this sex goddess by night?”

3. I don’t feel like myself

This feeling of having one’s identity pulled and even torn can be especially acute when kids are small. Becoming a mother can make us feel disconnected from partners and from our former selves. “Most people need to feel relaxed in order to feel pleasure,” says reproductive psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks, M.D., co-author of “What No One Tells You: A Guide to Your Emotions from Pregnancy to Motherhood.” “It can be hard to feel relaxed if you don’t feel like you.”

4. My to-do list is in bed with us

The domestic labor, emotional labor, and mental load that Lopes described isn’t just a time suck—it can also be a desire suck. “If mentally you are distracted, that is going to create tension in your body, and that is going to make it difficult to get aroused,” says Buehler. “To have good sex, you have to be both relaxed and aroused.” Both can be inhibited by rising maternal workload (time-use diaries indicate mothers spent twice as much time engaging with their children in 2012 as they did in 1965) that’s produced rising levels of stress. So too can inequitable division of household labor—exhaustion with a side of resentment is hardly an aphrodisiac.

5. My body’s like, ‘No way’

Dr. Sacks’s co-author, Catherine Birndorf, M.D., says physiology unique to the postpartum window also plays a role: “After you deliver, you are practically in a menopausal state.” Hormone fluctuations can lead to pain, dryness, and lack of sex drive. Moms who are menopausal and perimenopausal often know these symptoms too well. Stacy Tessler Lindau, M.D., who is director of Womanlab and a professor at the University of Chicago, says even when that’s not the case “arousal may take more effort, more concentration.” A variety of other medical diagnoses can also make sex painful, and of course, disrupted sleep has been shown to decrease sex drive.

Medications, too, can play a role. Research is mixed on whether hormonal birth control depresses libido. But, in Dr. Lindau’s clinical experience, some women do experience difficulty with libido on the pill that gets better when they switch to an IUD. Another pharmacological suspect: Women have higher rates of depression and anxiety, says Buehler, and many of the medications to treat them can dampen desire.

6. My body—especially my vagina—has seen better days

Feeling desirable has been shown to increase one’s own desire. Since shame and insecurity are not exactly relaxing, it’s no wonder that internalized ideals of flat tummies and svelte arms can tank libido. That’s true at any stage of life, but physical changes wrought by pregnancy, delivery, and the lingering effects of both can create or compound body image issues. So too can the shape shift that often accompanies menopause.

In a particularly nasty spin-off of body image stress, there’s growing concern among women that their labia are too loose or veiny, a condition dubbed “vaginal orthorexia” by Jen Gunter, M.D., author of “The Vagina Bible.” With everything from surgery to “soundwave therapy” to injection of collagen being marketed to us, the number of women who shell out for “vaginal rejuvenation” procedures has skyrocketed over the last decade, despite the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists calling most such treatments “not medically indicated” and stating that they “pose substantial risk.”

7. Sex just isn’t much fun anymore

Reasons one through six often contribute to and culminate in a seventh reason for decreased libido: All the things that make for good sex—energy, relaxation, playfulness, time, and curiosity—are in short supply after children. That leaves bad sex. And research has proven that bad sex decimates desire.

Think of it this way. The old you liked salad: Freshly rinsed butter lettuce with perfectly tender slices of chicken, ripe strawberries, toasted almonds, and goat cheese with a touch of honey. Or at least you’d hoped to find a salad like that. But these days, the only lettuce you encounter is a day-old pre-pack from an Airport kiosk. It makes sense that some women start to think they just don’t like salad.

One sexual equivalent of limp leaves and mealy tomatoes is when your partner employs what sexperts call “crude initiations”— heading straight to penetration or similarly intense activity without teasing or anticipation, making you feel not alluring so much as … convenient. It’s a form of benign neglect, where a mate or date just doesn’t put in the effort required to arouse. And then there’s habituation—your sex salad is fine, good even. But few of us find joy in eating the same salad week after week, month after month, year after year.

The point is that giving up the sexual side of ourselves after we’ve had kids can be a perfectly sensible reaction to the situation we’re in. “Women hold themselves hostage to this idea that they have low desire, and that they need to work on themselves in order to ‘fix’ a problem, when their low desire is really a healthy, rational, and reasonable response to the fact that they aren’t enjoying the kind of sex that they’re having,” says Rowland.

So what do we do about it?

First, what not to do: Take a hard pass on medicalizing solutions like vaginal rejuvenation and “female Viagra.” And you don’t need to force yourself to have sex as you might go to the gym, with an “it’s painful, but boy you’ll be glad you did it” mentality. A lingerie budget isn’t required either.

Instead of ditching your cozy jammies, say goodbye to those old gendered scripts and the mother-specific ones as well. Believing women naturally don’t like sex as much as men or are too touched out to enjoy it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy—especially when these beliefs get reinforced by distracted, unexciting sex. And that’s a shame, because as Dr. Lindau says, “libido gives people a sense of being alive.”

Instead, I think there are new mantras we can all agree on.

First, moms deserve to relax. Basic prerequisites to relaxation include reliable childcare and equitable division of labor. As Dr. Birndorf puts it, “If we had some time and had some space, we’d all be in the freaking mood.” Believe you’re entitled to it, and then share this priority with anyone who can help make it happen—your partner, your boss, your parents.

Second, moms want sex. If you feel disconnected from your partner, misunderstood, or unseen, Dr. Sacks says, you probably can’t enjoy sex with them until they get to know you again—or get to know your new self for the first time. Making time to talk can help, and you can check out Jessica Graham’s “Good Sex” for next-level info on how to use mindfulness to facilitate reconnection with your partner and yourself. You’ll likely find the new you can contain the old one too. Moms can give and claim. We can be caretakers and want sex, and not just any sex, hot sex.

And finally, moms are desirable. You need to feel hot for hot sex to happen, and this means including yourself in the definition of what’s hot. “After you have children, as you get older, you may need to challenge cultural norms of beauty and of sexuality in order to more fully enjoy your own sensuality,” Dr. Sacks says, “Because the chase to look like someone else or be someone else—and that also applies to being a younger version of yourself—certainly isn’t relaxing and it certainly isn’t on the pathway to pleasure.” But it isn’t all about you practicing self-compassion and redefining your new creases and folds as attractive. 

Your partner, whether for decades or a tryst, needs to ask what you want and then put in the time and energy needed to give it to you; you deserve someone who tells you when they like how you’ve made them feel, and brings a sense of mystery and adventure to the bedroom. But most won’t do that, they won’t even realize they should try to do that, until they too chuck the old scripts in favor of these new three. Moms deserve to relax. Moms want sex. Moms are desirable.

Complete Article HERE!

How and when to have sex for the first time after giving birth

By

  • Doctors suggest waiting four to six weeks after giving birth to have sex again, but new parents shouldn’t feel pressured if they aren’t ready.
  • When they are, it helps to ease back into the experience with self-pleasure and oral sex. Going on dates or spending quality time with your partner before sex can also help boost intimacy in the bedroom.
  • During sex, focus on enjoying yourselves rather than going in with the goal of orgasm, which can add to feelings of pressure and frustration.

When you first bring your newborn home, sex may be the last thing on your mind. But once you get settled in with your new bundle, you and your partner may start to think about being physically intimate again.There’s no set amount of time a new parent should wait before getting back into the bedroom, but according to the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology, doctors often suggest a period of four to six weeks after giving birth. During that time, a new parent who recently gave birth may experience fatigue, vaginal dryness, pain, or low sex drive, according to the Mayo Clinic. And if you experienced a vaginal tear during the birth that required stitches, doctors suggest waiting until the area is completely healed to prevent pain or re-injury.

If you don’t feel ready at the six-week mark, that’s OK too.

“I think that we as a culture expect new parents to get right back into their pre-pregnancy routines, but there is no going back — a completely new routine must be figured out, and that routine is likely going to change from month to month when a newborn is changing so rapidly,” Sofia Jawed-Wessel, an assistant professor in the School of Health and Kinesiology at the University of Nebraska-Omaha, told Self.

But when you are ready, there are a few steps you can take to have the most comfortable and enjoyable experience possible.

According to Christine Leistner, a relationship health scientist and assistant professor at California State University – Chico, easing into sex with masturbation, finding ways to be intimate outside of the bedroom, and overcommunicating with your partner during sex can help after birth.

Start with masturbation

Before getting intimate through partnered sex, Leistner suggested taking a solo approach.

“I would say don’t go from zero to 60. Start with masturbation,” Leistner told Insider.

At any stage in life, self-pleasure can help a person feel more connected to their body, and that’s especially important after you’ve gone through hormonal changes that come with being pregnant and giving birth.

In fact, a June 2012 study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine found women gravitated towards self-pleasure or oral sex after giving birth, rather than going straight for penetrative intercourse.

Rebuild intimacy in your relationship before having sex

The same study authors found that how women felt sexually, and how they perceived their partner to feel sexually, were more important factors in their post-partum sexual satisfaction than physical factors like breastfeeding or vaginal trauma.

The findings suggest rebuilding an intimate connection with your partner can help make your post-baby sex more fulfilling, and Leistner suggested taking the time to do so outside of the bedroom.

“Talking it through, going slow, and doing other things that are pleasurable besides sex,” can help Leistner said, like going on a date could boost your feelings of connectedness.

When you feel supported and in tune with your partner in other aspects of your life, that will translate to feeling connected and comfortable with them during sex.

Take your time and overcommunicate with your partner

  • When you and your partner decide to have penetrative sex again, it’s important to discuss your needs and expectations to ensure the experience is pleasurable to both of you.”Both partners need to be open with each other about their fears, concerns, and desires in the face of a changing sexual relationship as to avoid any misunderstandings,” Dr. Jennifer Conti, a clinical assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Stanford University, told Self.In addition to offering each other verbal support through compliments, saying “I love you,” or reiterating how excited you are to be intimate together beforehand, it’s also important to set boundaries in case the sex becomes painful or uncomfortable, Jawed-Wessel said.She added that going into the experience with the goal to feel connected and enjoy yourselves, rather than the goal of orgasm, can also help take the pressure off.

    “If penetration is causing pain [and/or] anxiety, take it off the table entirely and explore each other’s pleasure in different ways that don’t include penetration,” Jawed-Wessel said.

    Lastly, being prepared with lube can help ease potential physical discomfort from vaginal dryness, according to the Mayo Clinic.

Complete Article HERE!

How to Reconnect With Your Partner After Having Kids

Don’t wait for the most convenient time to rebuild intimacy. You’ll be waiting a long time.

By

First things first: This is not another article that simply tells you to “go on a date night.”

Nothing against date nights. The best ones can remind you why you fell in love with your spouse or partner in the first place.

Or they can involve staring at each other in a sleep-deprived haze over an expensive meal while intermittently glancing at your phone for updates from the babysitter.

If date nights aren’t working for you, or if you’ve been struggling to maintain intimacy for months — or even years — after having children, here are some different ways to stay close to your spouse or partner, despite the stresses and frustrations of parenthood.

Try not to become complacent.

Just as there was never a perfect time to have children, there will rarely be a perfect time to rekindle a connection with your partner.

It’s easy to push your romantic relationship to the side: “Let’s get through sleep training first.” Or: “As soon as I get back into shape.” Or: “Maybe when I’m less tired.”

Then winter arrives. “Everyone’s sick again? Let’s wait until we get better.”

But if you keep waiting, experts say, regaining intimacy can become increasingly difficult.

“It seems to have been the norm for so many couples to say to themselves, ‘Now that the kids are here, we’ll focus on the kids. Our day will come,’” said Michele Weiner-Davis, a marriage and family therapist whose TEDx talk about sex-starved marriages has been viewed more than 5 million times. “But here’s the bad news from someone who’s been on the front lines with couples for decades. Unless you treat your relationship, your marriage, like it’s a living thing — which requires nurturing on a regular basis — you won’t have a marriage after the kids leave home.”

Couples may start to lead parallel but separate lives — and discover they have nothing in common.

“They’re looking at a stranger, and they ask themselves, ‘Is this the way I want to spend the last few years of my life?’” Ms. Weiner-Davis said. “And for too many couples the answer is no.”

But all of that is preventable, she added.

“It’s absolutely essential not to be complacent about what I call a ho-hum sex life. Touching is a very primal way of connecting and bonding,” Ms. Weiner-Davis said. “If those needs to connect physically are ignored over a period of time, or are downgraded so that it’s not satisfying, I can assure people there will be problems in the relationship moving forward.”

Slow down and start over.

If you had a vaginal birth, you and your partner may expect to begin having sex as early as six weeks after the baby is born, if you have been physically cleared to do so.

For some couples, that signals “the clock is now ticking,” said Emily Nagoski, author of “Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life.”

But a lot of women simply won’t be ready that early. And that’s O.K.

“After the postpartum checkup, I didn’t feel like myself, I didn’t feel physically ready to have sex,” said Emily Stroia, 33, who lives in Los Angeles. “In terms of libido, I didn’t really have one.”

Ms. Stroia, the mother of a 10-month-old, eventually starting having sex with her partner once a month — but before she became pregnant, they had sex nearly every week, she said.

“I still kind of forget that I’m in a relationship,” said Ms. Stroia, who is struggling with sleep deprivation. “I have to remind myself that I have a partner.”

After any potential medical problems are ruled out, Dr. Nagoski advises couples to “start over” with one another by establishing a sexual connection in much in the same way they might have done when they were first getting to know each other: making out, holding each other and gradually moving in the direction of bare skin.

Complete Article HERE!

How to Reconnect With Your Partner After Having Kids

Don’t wait for the most convenient time to rebuild intimacy. You’ll be waiting a long time.

By Christina Caron

First things first: This is not another article that simply tells you to “go on a date night.”

Nothing against date nights. The best ones can remind you why you fell in love with your spouse or partner in the first place.

Or they can involve staring at each other in a sleep-deprived haze over an expensive meal while intermittently glancing at your phone for updates from the babysitter.

If date nights aren’t working for you, or if you’ve been struggling to maintain intimacy for months — or even years — after having children, here are some different ways to stay close to your spouse or partner, despite the stresses and frustrations of parenthood.

Try not to become complacent.

Just as there was never a perfect time to have children, there will rarely be a perfect time to rekindle a connection with your partner.

It’s easy to push your romantic relationship to the side: “Let’s get through sleep training first.” Or: “As soon as I get back into shape.” Or: “Maybe when I’m less tired.”

Then winter arrives. “Everyone’s sick again? Let’s wait until we get better.”

But if you keep waiting, experts say, regaining intimacy can become increasingly difficult.

“It seems to have been the norm for so many couples to say to themselves, ‘Now that the kids are here, we’ll focus on the kids. Our day will come,’” said Michele Weiner-Davis, a marriage and family therapist whose TEDx talk about sex-starved marriages has been viewed more than 5 million times. “But here’s the bad news from someone who’s been on the front lines with couples for decades. Unless you treat your relationship, your marriage, like it’s a living thing — which requires nurturing on a regular basis — you won’t have a marriage after the kids leave home.”

Couples may start to lead parallel but separate lives — and discover they have nothing in common.

“They’re looking at a stranger, and they ask themselves, ‘Is this the way I want to spend the last few years of my life?’” Ms. Weiner-Davis said. “And for too many couples the answer is no.”

But all of that is preventable, she added.

“It’s absolutely essential not to be complacent about what I call a ho-hum sex life. Touching is a very primal way of connecting and bonding,” Ms. Weiner-Davis said. “If those needs to connect physically are ignored over a period of time, or are downgraded so that it’s not satisfying, I can assure people there will be problems in the relationship moving forward.”

Slow down and start over.

If you had a vaginal birth, you and your partner may expect to begin having sex as early as six weeks after the baby is born, if you have been physically cleared to do so.

For some couples, that signals “the clock is now ticking,” said Emily Nagoski, author of “Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life.”

But a lot of women simply won’t be ready that early. And that’s O.K.

“After the postpartum checkup, I didn’t feel like myself, I didn’t feel physically ready to have sex,” said Emily Stroia, 33, who lives in Los Angeles. “In terms of libido, I didn’t really have one.”

Ms. Stroia, the mother of a 10-month-old, eventually starting having sex with her partner once a month — but before she became pregnant, they had sex nearly every week, she said.

“I still kind of forget that I’m in a relationship,” said Ms. Stroia, who is struggling with sleep deprivation. “I have to remind myself that I have a partner.”

After any potential medical problems are ruled out, Dr. Nagoski advises couples to “start over” with one another by establishing a sexual connection in much in the same way they might have done when they were first getting to know each other: making out, holding each other and gradually moving in the direction of bare skin.

That’s especially important if there’s a birth parent involved, she added.

“That person’s body is brand-new,” Dr. Nagoski said. “The whole meaning of their body has transformed.”

It also helps to remember that “intimacy isn’t just hot sex,” said Rick Miller, a psychotherapist in Massachusetts.

“It’s steadfast loyalty, a commitment to getting through stressful times together and, most importantly, enjoying the warm, cozy moments of home together,” Mr. Miller said.
Put on your life preserver first.

Taking the time to nurture your individual physical and emotional needs will give you the bandwidth to nurture your relationship, too, so that it doesn’t feel like another task on the to-do list.

“When you experience your partner’s desire for intimacy as an intrusion, ask yourself, ‘How deprived am I in my own self-care? What do I need to do to take care of myself in order to feel connected to my own sexuality?’” said Dr. Alexandra Sacks, a reproductive psychiatrist and host of the “Motherhood Sessions” podcast.

That might mean going to the gym or talking to your partner about decreasing the invisible mental load that is often carried by one parent.

Enlisting the support of your family (or your chosen family) to take some time for yourself or discuss some of the struggles that accompany parenting can help you recharge.

“Relying on others is an indirect way of working on intimacy,” Mr. Miller said.

This is especially important for gay couples, he added, who may not typically share vulnerabilities “because the world hasn’t been a safe place.”

Practicing self-care as a couple is equally important.

Dr. Sacks recommends making a list of everything you used to do together as a couple that helped you feel close, and thinking about how those rituals have changed.

Is your toddler sleeping in your bed, spread out like a sea star between you and your partner? Have you stopped doing the things together you used to really enjoy like working out or going to the movies? Dr. Sacks recommends thinking about how you’re going to make an adjustment in order to create physical and emotional intimacy with your partner.

For example, if you always used to talk about your day together and now that time is completely absorbed by caregiving, the absence of that connection will be profound.

“You can’t just eliminate it and expect to feel as close,” she said.

Think about what turns you on.

According to Dr. Nagoski, one way to nurture intimacy is to remind yourselves of the context in which you had a great sexual connection together.

What characteristics did your partner have? What characteristics did your relationship have?

Then, she said, think about the setting.

“Were we at home with the door locked? Were we on vacation? Was it over text? Was it at a party in a closet at a stranger’s house against a wall of other people’s coats? What context really works for us?” Dr. Nagoski said.

When doing this exercise, and when thinking about your current libido (or lack thereof) it’s also helpful to remember that not everyone experiences spontaneous desire — the kind of sexual desire that pops out of nowhere. For example, you’re walking down the street and suddenly can’t stop thinking about sex.

Millions of other people experience something different called responsive desire, which stems from erotic stimulation. In other words, arousal comes first and then desire.

Both types of desire are normal.

Create a magic circle in your bedroom.

Dr. Nagoski suggested cordoning off an imaginative protected space in your mind where you can “bring forward the aspects of your identity that are relevant to your erotic connection and you close the door on the parts of yourself that are not important for an erotic connection.”

With enough focus, this strategy can work even if the physical space you’re using contains reminders of your role as a caregiver.

It can also help to think of your bedroom as a sanctuary, advised Ms. Weiner-Davis.

For couples who have spent years co-sleeping with their children, that can be somewhat difficult.

“I do believe there comes a point where it’s important to have those boundaries again,” Ms. Weiner-Davis said.

Don’t bank on spontaneity.

It’s easy to forget how much time and effort we put into our relationships in the early days: planning for dates, caring for our bodies and (gasp) having long conversations with one another.

“People feel sort of sad when they get that news that yes, it does require effort to build a connection across a lifetime,” Dr. Nagoski said. “You don’t just dive in — you don’t just put your body in the bed and put your genitals against each other and expect for it to be ecstatic.”

Karen Jeffries (a pen name she uses as a writer and performer to protect her privacy) said her sex life with her husband is better than ever after having had two children. They’ve always had a strong physical connection, she said. But they also plan ahead and prioritize.

“There are times where I’ll text him and I’ll be like, ‘We’re having sex tonight,’ and he’ll be like ‘O.K.’ or vice versa,” she said. “Sometimes I’ll send him a picture of a taco and he’ll send me a picture of an eggplant.”

Ms. Jeffries, 37, a fourth-grade dual-language teacher in Westchester County, N.Y., is the author of “Hilariously Infertile,” an account of the fertility treatments she endured to conceive her two daughters. Her children, now aged 6 and 4, are on a strict sleep schedule with a 7:30 p.m. bedtime, allowing for couple time in the evening.

Think of building good sexual habits just like you would develop good eating or exercising habits, she advised.

“Sex begets more sex. Kind of like when you go to the gym,” she said. “It takes you a while to build that habit.”

Then, she added, “You’ll notice little by little that it becomes more and more as opposed to less and less.”

Consider therapy.

A small 2018 study found that attending group therapy helped couples with low sexual desire as well as those who had discrepancies in their levels of sexual desire.

Individual or couples therapy can also be a good place to start.

For many parents, however, and especially those with young children, finding the time and money to go to a therapist can be challenging.

Esther Perel, a psychotherapist whose TED talks on sexuality and relationships have been viewed by millions, offers an online course, currently $199, that includes a section called “Sex After Kids.”

Ms. Perel also hosts the popular “Where Should We Begin?” podcast, in which couples share the intimate details of their troubles during recorded therapy sessions.

A number of other podcasts also offer advice to couples, including “Marriage Therapy Radio” and “Relationship Advice.”

Regardless of what steps you take to rebuild a connection with your spouse, experts say it’s important to take action as soon as possible.

“The child is not going to take up less space over time,” Dr. Sacks said. “So the question is: How do you carve out space for your relationships around the child, as the child continues to develop with different but continually demanding needs.”

Complete Article HERE!

Envisioning A New Approach To Postpartum Sex

[W]elcoming a baby into the world is an incredible experience, but it is certainly not a seamless one. Although your new bundle of joy may be small, metaphorically speaking, they occupy a lot of space, with your partner and intimacy being the first thing to be pushed to the side.

As part of running MysteryVibe, I speak to women and men from different countries, backgrounds, and cultures every day – and one of the most common themes of discussions or questions people ask me is around reclaiming intimacy and sexual pleasure after childbirth.

The 6-week check-up often marks the moment when new moms are physically cleared by their doctors to have sex again. But while you might be given the green light, many women are simply not ready emotionally for penetrative sex.

You have welcomed a new human into the world, and while your heart could burst from all the love you feel, likewise you might be worried sick about their well-being at every moment, ready to cry at the drop of a pin.

Between the physical recovery of birth, a flurry of activities and the emotional rollercoaster of hormones, the last thing on your mind during the postpartum is being physically available for yourself, much less your partner.

But that does not mean that you have to give up on intimacy altogether.

It is time to reframe the 6 week check-up, and move beyond its unrealistic presumption that makes new mothers feel pressured to jump back into the sack after a string of sexless months, and guilty or ashamed when they cannot bring themselves to do it right away.

Rather, we propose a new vision of postpartum sex as a gentle journey of intimacy that leads to a fulfilling, pleasurable relationship with your partner, where sex does not have to mean intercourse right away.

A journey that will not necessarily lead you back to your pre-baby sex life, but to a new normal that can even be more emotionally (and physically) satisfying than ever before!

The rules of the game – go at your own pace, take it slow, communicate your needs to your partner, sit back, relax and let yourself enjoy the pleasure.  Here we offer you a few tips to kickstart your journey.

1. TLC- tender loving care. Before you can be emotionally or physically available for your partner, you must carve out some time for some self-love. Perhaps let dad or grandparents have some alone time with the new arrival – take a bubble bath, go for a walk in nature or perhaps cuddle up in a cozy blanket listening to your favorite tunes.

If you are up to it, maybe try a solo session, using a clitoral stimulator or small vibrator with lots of lubricants. Because of your body’s changing-needs, highly-customizable toys like MysteryVibe’s Crescendo will be a great fit as you can change its shape along with creating unique patterns of vibrations (spanning from super gentle to more powerful).

Toys like this are super effective at satisfying both penetrative and non-penetrative play, and don’t rely on friction or thrusting, which can be painful for many women post-birth. This will be a great time to reconnect with your body, with orgasms acting as stress relievers as well.

Whatever it is, love yourself and do what makes you feel good!

2. Rediscover the power of cuddling and kissing. While it may feel like you are regressing back to ‘first base’, these simple forms of physical touch with your partner increase* oxytocin levels, also known as the ‘bonding’ hormone that can help reduce* stress and anxiety.

So, when your baby is sleeping, take some time to simply hold each other’s hands or wrap yourself up in one another’s arms as you watch some TV.  When you are feeling ready for second base, allow your lips to linger and move into loving, passionate kisses.

3. Venture outside the usual. For many women, their breasts and vagina feel less sexual during the postpartum period. Once a focal point in the bedroom, breasts are now inflated and sore, and the vulva and vagina may be recovering from the physical trauma of childbirth.

No need to fret. There are many other erogenous zones that can bring you pleasure.  With their hands and/or mouth, ask your partner to stimulate other areas of your body.

Try some of these: ears, neck, nape of neck, spine, back, behind the knees and feet. These areas are full of nerve endings and can reveal some unexpectedly pleasurable sensations.

4. Explore non-penetrative practices. There are many ways to experience mutual pleasure and intimacy with your partner outside of the traditional penetrative act. Try reinventing the 69.

If you are not ready for vaginal or clitoral action, ask your partner to massage your feet that stimulate blood flow up to your legs and abdomen, while you return the favor with your hands or mouth.

You and your partner could also try intercrural sex, where the penis is stimulated by being placed in between your thighs. Or, on the flip side, intergluteal sex where the penis can be stimulated by moving between the buttocks.

For the last two, we recommend lube.

5. Invest in some good quality lube. When you are ready for more advanced foreplay or penetrative sex, do not be shocked if you are not naturally lubricating downstairs. Dryness is another side-effect of declined estrogen and progesterone levels post-birth.

Lube will be your best friend when you are getting back to the norm with your partner, helping things run smoothly. Clitoral stimulators can also act as great tools in this department. Also, do not forget to relax.

Many women feel a mixture of fear and anxiety about returning back to penetrative sex after months of celibacy, leading to a tenseness that will undeniably make sex less pleasurable. If you can, have a glass of wine, take your time, let your partner give you a massage, and then get the lube out!

6. The gift that keeps on giving. So maybe you are just not in the mood? Because of wonky hormonal changes, it’s totally normal to experience plummeted levels of libido. It’s ok.

Nonetheless, women put pressure on themselves to perform in the bedroom out of guilt for not tending to their partner’s sexual needs. Consider buying masturbating toys for your partner, it will show them that you care without forcing yourself to do anything out of your comfort zone.

All in all, intimacy with your partner can help decrease* your stress, improve* your confidence and (contrary to belief) energize you! Making space to prioritize intimacy, without the pressure of going all in, can help nurture a deep connection with your partner that can translate to increased happiness and wellbeing.

Do not expect to go from 0 to 100 after your 6 week check-up. Remember, most women wait longer than 6 weeks, and many women will not get 100% back into the groove of things for months.

Allow this journey back to intimacy be an exciting opportunity to rediscover the relationship you have with your own body and to find new techniques that lie outside the norm with your partner.

The key is to take things slowly, to listen to yourself, communicate with your partner, and when the time comes, use lots and lots of lube.

Complete Article HERE!

Postnatal Sex

Name: Stacy
Gender: Female
Age: 24
Location: ND
Could you talk a little about postnatal sex? I’m a new mother and, while I love my husband and I know he’s got blue balls from lack of sex, I just don’t feel like it.

hands-man-woman-baby_medium

Hey, congratulations on the arrival of your baby. It’s cause for celebration, right? But you should know that experts pinpoint this event as the one that places the most strain on a relationship. When you think about it, there should be no surprise. The new mother is exhausted. She’s developing mothering skills she may have only read about before. First babies are a challenge – they can be colicky and demanding. If she’s going back to work, then organizing childcare is a big hurdle. With all this going on, what if her partner expects the sort of sex life that led to the pregnancy in the first place? She may feel like there’s just one more person to service, one more person with needs and demands that are keeping her from much-needed sleep.

New mothers can find sex unappealing for reasons both physical and emotional. If you’re breastfeeding, your breasts are sore, heavy and leaky. Your body just doesn’t feel sexy, with its stretch marks, cellulite, dark nipples and dark line down the abdomen, not to mention the weight gain and varicose veins. Then there is lochia, the discharge after the birth, which lasts for 3 to 4 weeks and does not smell very good. If you had an episiotomy, the stitches are very uncomfortable and you may worry about infection. Your hormones may still be in a state of flux, so you feel moody or depressed. And you may not have a good method of birth control, so sex is the last thing on your mind!

Some doctors recommend that new mothers refrain from sex until their first post partum examination, usually about 6 weeks after the birth.mommy, daddy, baby

Couples aren’t warned about all this, you’re totally unprepared. If you can’t talk about it, there may be trouble ahead. Many males firmly believe that once the baby is born, their sex life will go right back to how it was pre-pregnancy. This is unrealistic, and it puts pressure on both partners.

New fathers can help their partner move beyond those feelings of sexual disinterest by being a very involved parent and helping around the house.

Many new mothers are quite happy to perform a hand job and or a blow job until they are feeling sexual again. And many males will be quite happy masturbating until their partner is ready to resume sexual intercourse. (Here’s a fun sex toy that has gotten other couples through the postnatal sexual dilemma.)

Touching, hugging, kissing and snuggling are important for both, but remember, there should be no expectation that it will inevitably end up in sex.

It takes time, patience and understanding to return to a normal, intimate, loving partnership after your first baby is born.

Good luck

PS: For more information on this topic look HERE!

New Mommy Woes

Name: Megan
Gender: Female
Age: 29
Location: Toronto
I’m a new mother and this is my first child. He was born 3 weeks ago, but I am still enthralled with the miracle of it all. So far motherhood has been pretty wonderful. Sure I’m tired, but just holding my son in my arms makes me so happy I sometime cry with the joy. There is a problem, however, my husband wants to resume our sex life, but I have absolutely no interest. I love him dearly and I know I owe him this, but I have no libido. What can I do?

Yep, this is common enough complaint. This is precisely the place where new parents experience the most strain on their relationship. And when you think about it, it’s not all that surprising. Most new mothers are exhausted by the expectations of motherhood. And first babies are the most challenging. Added to these burdens her partner eagerly awaits the resumption of the sort of sex life that was in place before the pregnancy. New mothers often feel like their husband is just one more person to service, one more person with needs and demands that are keeping her from much-needed sleep.

New Mother LoveNew mothers can find sex unappealing for reasons both physical and emotional. If you’re breastfeeding, your breasts are sore, heavy, and leaky. Your body just doesn’t feel sexy, with its stretch marks, cellulite, dark nipples and dark line down the abdomen, not to mention the weight gain and varicose veins. Then there is lochia, the discharge after the birth, which lasts for 3 to 4 weeks and does not smell very good. If you had an episiotomy, the stitches are very uncomfortable and you may worry about infection. Your hormones may still be in a state of flux, so you feel moody or depressed. And you may not have a good method of birth control, so sex is the last thing on your mind!

Some doctors recommend that new mothers refrain from sex until their first post partum examination, usually about 6 weeks after the birth.NewMother

So if you and your husband weren’t warned about all this, you’re probably both totally unprepared. And if you can’t talk about it, there will be trouble ahead. Many new fathers labor under the misconception that once the baby is born, their sex life will return to normal. Besides this being completely unrealistic; it mostly puts pressure on the wife to do, as you suggest, her ”duty”. This is no way to pursue a sex life together.

Of course, new fathers can help their partner move beyond those feelings of sexual disinterest by being an involved parent and helping around the house.

There are loads of sex things new mothers can do that will pleasure their partner that don’t involve full-on fucking. Hand jobs and blowjobs are always welcome. Reading erotica aloud to each other can be fun. Mutual masturbation, or even watching him and cheering him on as he squeezes one out is also an option. But probably the thing that will get your libido back is a lot of touching, massaging, hugging, kissing, and snuggling and not as a prelude to sex, but just for the joy of it. These things, without the pressure to perform will help reestablish the pair-bond between you and your old man, which will inevitably lead to the long awaited fuckfest.

Good luck

Loosey Goosey

Name: Anne
Gender: female
Age: 28
Location:
My question is kind of embarrassing, but here goes. I gave birth to a nine pound beautiful baby four weeks ago. I am happy to report that both mother and baby are doing fine. That is except for the fact that my vagina is still stretched out of shape. My question is can I hope to have it return to its previous shape? Also, I’ve heard that new mothers should wait for six weeks after a birth to start having sex. The problem is that my husband is really horny and he doesn’t want to wait. So I’m wondering will it hurt if I start sooner? Another thing, does breast-feeding interfere with my sex drive? I don’t feel really sexy these days. Sorry for so many questions in a row.

In the immoral words of Prissy in Gone With the Wind, “I know nutthin’ about birthin’ babies, Miss Scarlett.”

Congratulations on the birth of your child, Anne. Wow, nine pounds, huh? Pretty hefty! I’ll bet he’s adorable. Everyone here at drdicksexadcice.com is betting that your child is a boy? Us boys tend to give our mommas a hard time right from the get go. At least that’s what my own dear sainted mither used to say.

kegels

I’m also gonna make another assumption, this is your first child, right? Well, the size of the baby as well as the number of children the woman has carried certainly does affect the elasticity of her vagina. No rocket science there, I suppose. Birthin’ babies is pretty traumatic to your pelvic musculature. These muscles lose tone with each successive delivery. But never fear darlin’, there are muscle-toning exercises known as kegels that will help you tighten things up in jiffy.

geisha_balls_pix_7-1Excuse me for a moment, Anne; I think I’m losing the males in my audience. Here’s a tip for all you guys out there who are reading this and rolling your eyes and getting ready to turn the page because you think this is some kinda Oprah — V-Jayjay moment. Listen up you monkeys; kegel exercises aren’t just for the ladies. Us men folk have pelvic muscles too. So pay attention, you’re gonna want to know about kegels too.

Sorry about that Anne. See what I mean about boys and givin’ folks, not only their mommas, problems? Anyhow, if you’re not already doing kegels, I strongly recommend that you start right away.

What are kegels, you ask? They’re muscle contraction and relaxation exercises designed help restore tone to the muscles that surround the opening of the urethra (see guys, we have one of those), vagina (ok we don’t have one of those, and anus (we sure as hell have one of those). Since this includes the muscle that you use to stop and start the flow of urine, you can check if you’ve identified the right muscle by testing your kegel technique while peeing — if you can stop the flow of urine when tightening, then you know that you’re contracting the correct muscle group. BTW, the main muscle is call the pubococcygeus muscle, or PC muscle for short.kegels-someecard3

Let’s try this for starters. Imagine that you’re trying to stop yourself from farting or trying to hold your pee. Notice the feeling of squeezing and lifting — it’s a sensation of your pelvic muscles tightening and drawing up. Try it now, while you’re reading this. That’s the beauty part of kegels; you can do them anywhere, anytime. If you’re finding it difficult to isolate the muscle group, insert a couple fingers into your vagina before doing a kegel. If you feel pressure around your finger while you are tensing your PC muscle, then you’re on the right track.

However, if you’re tightening your abs, squeezing your legs together, clenching your butt, or holding your breath then you’re not exercising the right muscle group. The object here is to isolate your pelvic floor muscles. Those are the ones you wanna be working.

I want everyone, not just you Anne, to work on both muscle strength and tone. Start with five strong prolonged squeezes (5 seconds apiece). Hold then Relax. Then do a series of 10 rapid contractions in a row. Doing three sets of these two types of kegels twice a day for a week is your goal.

mother-and-childLet’s go over that one more time. Start with five strong prolonged squeezes (5 seconds apiece). Hold then Relax. Then do a series of 10 rapid contractions in a row. Doing three sets of these two types of kegels twice a day for a week is your goal.

When you’ve accomplished this you’re ready to increase the set to eight or ten prolonged squeezes and 20 rapid contractions in a set twice a day for a week. The advanced kegeler is able to vary the type and duration of his/her PC squeezing; slow prolonged clenches to quick flutters.

As an aside, I’d like to turn you on to a swell podcast interview I did, a while back, with the maven of pelvic floor strength, the incomparable, Lara Eardley. You’ll find the shows HERE and HERE.

On to the other issues you raise. Your uterus and cervix underwent significant changes as you were delivering your baby, and they need time to heal. So if your husband is being a bigger baby than the newborn…see what I mean about boys drivin their mommas and everyone crazy…by pressuring you for nookie, make a deal with him. Hand jobs and blow jobs only for the first six weeks after delivery. I’m sure you can sympathize with the big galoot. He’s probably freakin’ nutty from lack of nookie. How long has it been since he had some of your fine pussy?1-week-postpartum-belly-front

As an aside, allow me to turn you on to a terrific product review we featured a while back. Dr Dick Review Crew members, Jack and Karen, were in much the same situation as you and your man when they reviewed the VërSpanken.

Finally, breastfeeding may indeed interfere with your libido, but more likely it’s just the sheer exhaustion of this postpartum period. Nursing your baby every couple of hours, especially during the middle of the night…I mean, how long can that go on before you start looking for your Uzi?

And probably the idea of your husband grabbing at your boobs while they’re still real sore from junior chompin’ away at them probably doesn’t incite great waves of horniness either. Rest assured, this lack of interest in sex won’t last forever. Before you know it, you’ll be feeling all pretty and randy once again and soon you will be inviting and welcoming your hubby’s advances.

Good Luck!

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4th Anniversary Show — Podcast #263 — 02/14/11

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

Happy Valentine’s Day!

And guess what? This week’s show marks my 4th anniversary of podcasting. I know! Can ya fuckin stand it? I mean who would have guessed that we’d have such a long run.

And what a year it has been too. I launched a new podcast series last year it’s called: Play With It. The Sex EDGE-U-cation and the SEX WISDOM series, both of which appear on Wednesdays are going strong. And The Erotic Mind podcast series, which is now three years old, also continues to share Mondays with my traditional Q&A podcasts like today’s show.

I have a bunch of very interesting questions from the sexually worrisome to dazzle you with today. And I also have a little bonus material to offer you in celebration of my podcasting anniversary. I have yet another installment in my acclaimed Sexual Enrichment programming to launch us into year #5 with a bang.

  • Adriana is a new mother, but her hubby is acting like a baby.
  • Jason is afraid he’s gonna run out of sperm.
  • Karen wants to know why people get it on.
  • A special Sexual Enrichment spot: HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN ADULT VIDEO

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Review.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.