Talking to Your Partner When You Struggle with Hypogonadism

Communication is key for taking on this difficult condition

By Mark Gurarie

Generally unrecognized and often undiagnosed, hypogonadism can significantly impact relationships. Characterized by low levels of sex hormones, especially testosterone, it can arise due to physical injury, congenital defects, cancer or cancer treatmenst, benign tumors, or as a result of other conditions, such as older age, obesity, and metabolic syndrome (a group of conditions that can lead to heart disease, diabetes, and stroke), among others.1

What makes this condition particularly challenging for relationships is the way that hypogonadism impacts intimacy. Among its most prominent symptoms is low libido (sex drive), as well as mood and emotional changes. Men can also experience erectile dysfunction (ED).1 This can lead to severe relationship problems, making it essential that you and your partner are proactive and ready to support each other.

These may not be easy conversations to have, but they’re critical. If you or your partner suffers from hypogonadism, establishing a supportive dialogue is where the road to coping and living well with the condition starts.

The Impact of Hypogonadism

Given the nature of hypogonadism—and the wide range of causes and associated conditions—talking about it means understanding the impact it can have on you or your loved one. In many cases it’s a chronic condition, and ongoing therapy—often taking hormone replacement therapy—is necessary, making management a constant and evolving challenge.

How does hypogonadism affect relationships? Here’s a quick breakdown:2

  • Mental health: Studies have found a distinct association between hypogonadism and depression in both men and women of all ages. Rates of anxiety and bipolar disorder are also higher among this population, which can affect relationship quality, sexual satisfaction, and overall quality of life.
  • Sexual satisfaction: Given its effects on sexual function and libido, this condition significantly impacts assessments of sexual satisfaction. According to a 2021 study, up to 26% of males and 20%–50% of females with hypogonadism were sexually inactive. Problems with sex are often at the root of relationship issues and they can affect other aspects of mental health, as well.  
  • Erectile dysfunction (ED): Males with hypogonadism experience a much higher rate of ED, an inability to obtain or maintain an erection. A study of hypogonadotropic hypogonadism, a chronic congenital form of the condition, found that up to 53.2% of males reported this issue. This can further affect relationship health and is associated with higher levels of depression and anxiety and lower quality of life.

Managing and living with hypogonadism is a multifaceted affair. It means recognizing symptoms, it means getting medical help and keeping up with medications and appointments, and it means tending to mental health and relationships. Communication is crucial in all of these areas. Though it isn’t easy, you and your partner will have to have open discussions about this condition and what it’s like to live with it.

Loss of sexual desire is a hallmark of hypogonadism, as is erectile dysfunction, and it can be a chief source of relationship problems. Though it may not be easy to talk about your sex life, it is very important to do so. For both partners, imbalances in sexual desire are associated with less satisfaction in the relationship and higher levels of tension and frustration.3

What are some approaches to broaching this subject? What are strategies you can use to boost communication? Here are some tips:

  • Educate yourself: Whether you’re the one with hypogonadism or your partner is, it’s important to learn as much as you can about the condition. Your doctor or healthcare provider can direct you to educational resources, and there are many available online.4
  • Kitchen-table conversation: It’s a good idea to broach the topic of sex in a neutral setting. Bringing up sexual problems or dissatisfaction while in bed can cause negative associations with intimacy.5
  • Direct communication: In order to promote effective dialogue, use “I” statements, rather than “you” statements when having the discussion. Explaining how you feel—rather than what your partner is or is not doing—and what your aims are is a good starting point.4
  • Be open: For both partners, managing low libido means being open-minded, both to each other’s needs and to ways of restoring intimacy. It’s also worth discussing other health factors that may be affecting your relationship and whether to consider therapy or other ways to work on the relationship.5

While talking about how you’re being affected by hypogonadism and airing your feelings may seem intimidating, it’s necessary work. When it comes to issues of intimacy and sex, being open is the best policy. What you don’t want to do is hide your condition from your spouse or partner, as this can only make matters worse.

Ultimately, hypogonadism can be medically managed, and most who get treatment are able to live well with it. Good communication with your partner will prove essential as you take it on, and it can lay the groundwork for an even stronger relationship. The most important thing is to not stay silent.

Complete Article HERE!

Inside the fascinating world of a feeder fetish

By Mamamia Team

“I wanna enjoy every single pound,” says Tammy Jung, “and every inch of me that grows.”

Tammy Jung is a ‘feedee’ or a ‘gainer’. That is to say, she engages in Feeder Fetishism.

Feederism is a sub-category of fat fetishism, where individuals harbour a strong or even exclusive sexual attraction to people who are overweight or obese. Feederism involves sexual gratification in regards to gaining or helping others gain weight.

Tammy Jung

“I like to feed. I like to make sure other people are full and happy and satisfied. I like to be full and happy and satisfied,” says Jung.

Jung and her boyfriend Johan Uberman make adult films, in which Uberman feeds Jung large amounts of food, sometimes, while engaging in sexual acts. They have so far made over 300 videos.

Tammy drinks a triple serving of chocolate milk protein shake through a funnel.

A feeder/feedee relationship is often kept private, but Jung and Uberman broadcast the fetish on the internet for the enjoyment of others. So what doses Uberman think of the idea of other people enjoying Jung being fed as much as he does?

“It’s great,” he says. “It makes me feel like I have…more of a trophy than I already had.”

Uberman says his goal, when it comes to feeding Jung, is “metamorphosis.”

The couple feel the relationship and association between food and sex is entirely natural. Uberman refers to ancient Roman orgies, where groups of people would binge before sex.

Jung’s original goal was to reach 300lbs (136kgs). She has achieved that, setting her next goal to gain 50lb (22kgs) in six-months. Uberman sees things a  little more big-picture. “Honestly,” he says,”there is no limit”. But he says he will be happy as long as his partner is comfortable.

The “metamorphosis” of Tammy Jung.

Tammy has told the Daily Mail that her decisions about her body are her own and they are no one else’s business: “I’ve never been happier than I am working to put on weight – nothing will stop me achieving my dream. I’m making lots of money doing what I love – and I want to make even more.”

She says that for the first time, she feels great about herself: “After I gave up sports, I began putting on weight. At first I was in denial. But one day I looked in the mirror and realised I was fat – and I felt great about it. My body looks so sexy and I feel more womanly the heavier I get.”

It costs the couple up to $150 AUD per day to keep up Tammy’s unique diet: “I start the day with a huge breakfast of waffles, cream cheese, bacon and sausage then head to McDonalds for a few burgers in the afternoon. I can snack on cheese all day, a couple of blocks is no problem, then for dinner I’ll either eat pizzas or make Mexican food. At the end of the day I make a weight gain shake from heavy whipped cream and a whole tub of ice cream, which Yohan feeds me through a funnel.”

Tammy explains, “the funnel forces me to drink the shake even when I’m full after a day of eating.”

The fetish is discussed frequently on Reddit, where concerns about a lack of education and understanding in regards to health have been raised. However, the general consensus within the community appears to be in favour of two consenting adults making their own choices.

“Of the feeder/feedee relationship blogs I keep up with, too often does there seem to be this lingering sense of ignorance (e.i. I think many of the feedees, and even the feeders, don’t have a complete understanding of the health risks associated with obesity and weight gain.)” said one Reddit user. “That being said, If two completely consenting adults are fully aware of the health concerns but still think it’s worth it, then more power to them. I like to equate it to a smoking fetish. There are plenty of people who willingly accept the risks because it’s simply worth it to them.”

Complete Article HERE!

Stretching out of the sexual doldrums

Name: Gwen
Gender:
Age: 57
Location: Philly
My husband and I have been married for 33 years. Our relationship is hell when it comes to sex. My husband is overweight, and he’s stressed out about his elderly parents. Sex is non-existent. He never was the instigator in our relationship. And he is the kind of guy who thinks having sex on the couch as opposed to the bedroom is adventuresome. He has become so boring. I don’t believe the man feels sex should be that important at our ages. (I’m 57 and he’s 62) I, on the other hand, am more sexually aroused and creative than ever now that I am more mature and the kids are out of the house. Menopause and all the sex on the internet helps too. 😉 Is there anything I can do to make my man return to being a healthy sexual being once again? Thank you, Gwen

No, thank you, Gwen. Your complaint is a familiar one. In fact it’s so familiar I regularly offer therapy groups for couples in long-term relationships. Like you and your old man, these couples have, for one reason or another, hit a wall when it comes to their sex lives.senior intimacy

I take a very unique approach to these groups by inviting both straight and gay couples to the same group. At first I got a lot of resistance. Most couples, both gay and straight, think there is nothing to be learned from a couple unlike them. They can’t imagine why I would want to integrate the group in such a manner. I think most of my couples feel more comfortable being in a segregated group — straight folks with straight folks, gay folks with gay folks.

But that is of course the reason I integrate the groups. I don’t want them to feel all comfy and cozy, I wanted them to work and learn and stretch themselves out of their sexual doldrums. At first, I had to ask all my couples to suspend judgment about an integrated group until they had an opportunity to participate in one. Now I don’t encounter so much resistance. Word’s gotten out that this is a really creative solution to an otherwise tricky problem. And that old married couples, regardless if they are gay, lesbian or straight have very similar problems. And they can and do learn from one another.

To your specific issue, Gwen, I’m sad to say there’s not much you can do to beef up your sex life if there’s no interest on the part of your husband to do so. I mean, you can lead the horse to the cooch, but you can’t make him lick, if ya know what I mean.

Fat man holding a measurement tape against white background
Fat man holding a measurement tape against white background

You confide that you husband is overweight and stressed; this is not a happy combination when it comes to his sexual response cycle. In fact, your husband sounds like a heart attack waiting to happen. Perhaps if your challenged him about his general health — encourage weight loss and stress reduction, you might find that this would also reignite his sex drive. It’s worth a try.

And thank you for mentioning menopause. So many women find the changes that take place in midlife confusing and disorientating. It’s so good to hear from a woman who is eager to explore and enjoy her sexuality post-menopause.

Men also go through changes, in midlife. There’s even a name for it — andropause — the male menopause as it were. It’s clear that as we age, both women and men need more time and stimulation in which to get aroused. The slower, more sensuous foreplay that often results is a welcome change for most women and even some men.

Increased focus on sensuality, intimacy, and communication can help a sexual relationship remain rewarding even well into our senior years. I think you already know this, Gwen, but many women in my audience don’t.sensual touch

If your husband is avoiding intercourse, there still many ways of expressing your love and staying connected:

  • Hugging, cuddling, kissing
  • reading erotica aloud together
  • Touching, stroking, massage, sensual baths
  • Masturbation and oral sex

However, if your husband is more wedded to food and stress than he is to you, and if he continues to refuse to join you in finding an appropriate outlet for your sexual frustration, then it’s up to you to make this happen on your own. 57 is way too young to say goodbye to your sex life.

May I suggest joining a women’s group. Not a therapy group, but more of a support group or activities group. Getting out of the house, involving yourself with other self-actualized mature women, may uncover the secret solutions other women have put in place to find sexual satisfaction when they are without a partner or have a partner who’s no longer interested in a sex life with them. I think you will be surprised by how creative your sisters can be. Make it happen, Gwen. Don’t sink to the lowest common denominator of living a sexless life.

Good luck

What’s Gotten Into You?

Name: Janet
Gender: Female
Age: 32
Location: Sacramento
Recently I accidentally discovered that my husband is downloading porn onto his computer from the internet. There’s a lot of it and it all features teenage girls. I feel sick at the discovery. Why in the world would he hide something like this? I don’t get it, and I don’t know what to do about it.

Let’s see, why would your husband hide his sexual fantasies from you? Ahhh, maybe it’s because he knows that if he ever did share this private little part of his life with you, you’d pitch a fit just like you are doing now.

So your husband has a harmless fantasy life. Big deal! Get over it, darling. You want honesty in your marriage, Janet? Then stop being such a prig.

sp-porn-gallery-player-screenshot-large.jpg

Fact is, most straight men groove on young female flesh. (Gay men on young male flesh.) Where’s the surprise in that? The male brain is hot-wired to find youth attractive and alluring. It has something to do with the original purpose of sex — procreation. Youthfulness equals fertility; it’s as simple and genetically programmed as that. Your husband is just bein’ a guy. Why would you berate him for that? You sound like a real charmer.

Even though most mature straight males want to gawk at teenage titties, they are rarely stupid enough to think they can compete with hot and hunky younger men for theporn_cartoon.jpg affections of these nubile vixens. Despite their rich fantasy life, they are more likely to stick with the adult females they’ve married. The guys who are to dense to figure this out, are likely to be absolutely miserable in the pursuit of what will constantly elude them. So give your old man a break, and let him enjoy a little virtual thrill.

Oh and Janet, and all you other people out there who are snooping around in other people’s private affairs — stop it! Do you honestly think that I fell for that “oh, I accidentally discovered downloaded porn on my husband’s computer” bullshit? Shame on you for prying into his private life without his permission. You have no right to do that. Even in a marriage an individual has a right to privacy and you, my dear, violated that trust. If anyone ought to be upset at this discovery it should be him.

Name: Richard
Gender: male
Age: 26
Location: Duluth MN
I’ve been practicing periods of celibacy and the way that I practice celibacy is by not ejaculating. I’ll still have fornication with my girlfriend and things like that but without ejaculation. My question is that I notice that when I end a period of celibacy by finally ejaculating that my energy level is extraordinarily low afterwards. Are there supplements I can take to counteract the sleepy feeling I have after I ejaculate? Basically I would like to have the same focus day to day as when I am practicing celibacy but while I have a sexually active life. Any thoughts or answers would be great.

Before I get to your question. Richard, let’s work on some of your vocabulary, shall we? The sexual practice you describe is not a type of celibacy. Celibacy has a very specific meaning. It is the state of being unmarried. You actually happen to be celibate, not because you’re cock_art.jpgpracticing ejaculation control, but because you’re not married (i.e. the GF). For the sake of clarity, the only thing we ought to be able to say for sure when someone identifies him/herself as celibate is that he/she is not married. Period!

You’re not really being sexually abstinent either, which is a concept that is often confused with celibacy. I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that you’re a Catholic, or you were raised as one. Who else would use the term “fornicate” when talking about having sex with his GF?

While technically you are correct, in “church-speak” unmarried partners fucking is fornicating. This is opposed to adultery, which refers to a married person fucking someone other than his or her husband or wife. The term fornicate has a very pejorative connotation. It’s a word religious people use to describe sinful behavior. Is fucking your girlfriend sinful in your mind, Richard? If it is, stop fucking her right away! If it isn’t, then don’t refer to your sexual relations with her as fornication. If you can’t bring yourself to use the term “fuck” to talk about what you two do together, there are plenty of other less negative euphemisms. For example, intercourse, or even coitus works. Just jettison the fornication, why don’t cha!

Now, on to the very interesting sexual practice you describe in your message. If it isn’t a “type” of celibacy, what is it? I think you maybe talking about a tantric sex practice. You have sex — solo as well as partnered sex — but you avoid ejaculating, right? You don’t really say why you do this other than you seem to believe you conserve energy this way. Tantric practitioners talk about this practice in similar terms — preserving one’s energy or chi. And that’s what leads me to think what you’re doing is a form of tantra.

Tantric sex is very interesting, if for no other reason it distinguishes between orgasm and ejaculation. Although they often happen at the same time for us men, we are capable of having orgasms without ejaculating and ejaculating without an orgasm. Perhaps, you’ve already discovered this.

Ejaculatory control, which is what I think you are doing, is what makes it possible for Tantric lovers to harness and extend the energy of orgasm. By refraining from, or holding off on an ejaculation, men can become multi-orgasmic. Some men achieve this by a practice known as edging or controlling the wave of orgasmic energy without ejaculating.

Further, you ask if there are any drugs that can help you regain your strength, or chi after you finally ejaculate. Rather than seek a chemical solution, why not delve deeper into tantra for the answers you seek. You are already more than half way there. You might want to look into chi power training too. Because, if I’m not mistaken, that’s what you’re actually talking about.

Name: Leila
Gender: Female
Age: 38
Location: Trenton, NJ
My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He wants sex way more often than I do. It’s not because I don’t love him, it’s because he’s ballooned to over 85 pounds more than he weighed when we were married and he was a big guy back then. About a month ago, I told him why my libido was low. This hurt his feelings and I got the silent treatment for a week. I’ve been trying to convince him that it’s in his best interest that he slim down. He’d feel better and live longer. I cook healthy food at home, but I have control over how he eats when he’s on his own. I’ve tried getting him interested in exercising, but none of this is working. The best I get from him is an occasional guilty feeling that makes him order a diet soda to go with his giant sized fast food meal. I love the big lug, but he’s grossing me out.

Holy cow, your fat slob of a husband is about to lose the best thing he’s got goin for him, huh Leila?742_funny_fat_men.jpg

Listen up folks; a marriage license does not authorize you to go to seed. People marry each other because they’re attracted to their partners emotionally and physically. When a husband or wife, lets him or herself go to the point of radically changing his or her physical appearance, that person can’t complain when his/her spouse’s libido drops off to nothing, or he or she starts to wander.

Level with your obese husband, darlin’! He’s got to know that he has a choice to make — you or the junk food. You have a right to demand that he not eat himself out of a sex life, or worse eat himself to death.

Here’s the thing; many people, myself included, believe that obesity is the moral equivalent of drunkenness. That’s right, you heard me. Out of control eating is just as bad as out of control drinking. Health risks alone make obesity a national crisis, surpassing even alcoholism.

jabba-the-computer-nerd-1.jpgWould you stand helplessly by and watch your husband get hammered every day? Would anyone be surprised to learn that your libido slipped away because your husband drank himself into a stupor every night? I don’t think so. So why do we tolerate self-destructive food consumption? It’s as damaging to one’s body and one’s sex life as too much booze.

Listen Leila, you need to tell your spousal unit that his current size and shape is a turn-off to you, and that’s why you’re not putting out for him any more. Take my advice and don’t mince your words just to spare his feelings.

And for all you out there who think I’m being heartless bastard. Just imagine how cruel it would be if Leila did or said nothing and her old man suddenly keeled over leaving her not only without sex, but a widow to boot.

Name: Cap
Gender: male
Age: 27
Location: Georgia
I’m an Iraq vet, two tours of duty. I’ve been home now for nearly 6 months and I can’t pull it together. I’m depressed and angry all the time. I even find myself crying for no reason. I love my wife, but I can’t get it up. I get frustrated and embarrassed and the whole thing falls apart. My wife tries to be supportive, but I know she’s not happy. What should I do?

The first thing we all need to recognize is that the young men we send off to war are never the same men who return from war. The experiences you had in Iraq have fundamentally altered you, Cap. You are now realizing that the hell that is war doesn’t stop when one is discharged.
nm_ptsd_070428_ms.jpg
It’s painfully clear to me that you are suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome. You report all the classic symptoms. Are you not getting any professional therapy to help you readjust to civilian life? If not; why not? You shouldn’t be trying to handle this on your own. Reach out for the help you need. You fellow citizens owe you this much…at least.

Not surprisingly, I’ve been hearing from a number of vets lately, the Puget Sound area is a big military hub. Many vets report difficulty connecting with a spouse upon returning home. Like you, Cap, they continue to have affection for their partner, but for some of these men and women the eroticism has gone out of the relationship. Is this just what happens when one of the partners has been gone for such a long time? Or is there more to it than that? I know some vets are so consumed by their unresolved depression and anger that it is interfering with their sexual response, making it impossible for them to perform. Some vets are turning to drugs and alcohol to numb their psychological torment. Some are simply shutting down emotionally, because their internal turmoil is just too great and there’s no room for anything else. Is this what’s happening to you, Cap?

You can’t expect your long-suffering wife to hang in there indefinitely, especially if you are not actively involved with a therapist to resolve your war-induced nightmare.

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The good news is that many men who have preceded you to war in previous generations have come home as broken and abused as you. But they have, with the help of others, pulled their lives together once again. I encourage you to move in that direction. The longer you wait, the more pronounced the symptoms will become. Left unattended they will destroy your life as sure as if you had been an actual causality of an IED. Don’t let this awful war claim even one more victim.

Good luck ya’ll

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #42 — 12/03/07

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

We have a sweet load of very interesting questions from the sexually worrisome. And I respond with an equal number of charming, clever and oh so informative responses! Hey, it’s what I do.

  • Daniel is all over the map!
  • Pablo beats his meat like it owes him money!
  • Trey is a mighty big boy, but he’s tiny too!
  • Razor gots himself a hot man! But there’s trouble in paradise.
  • Lillian, Jamal, Sherri & Mortie and Judy get holiday gift giving suggestions.

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s dr dick’s toll free podcast voicemail. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question? No time to write? Give dr dick a call at (866) 422-5680. Again, the TOLL FREE voicemail number is (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY !

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the health section under the subheading — Sexuality. Or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice With An Edge. And don’t forget to subscribe. I don’t want you to miss even one episode.

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The beauty part about this unique opportunity is that once a sponsor’s ad is included in a particular podcast that sponsor is embedded there forever.

Your sponsorship also underscores your social conscience. Your marketing dollars will not only got to promote your product, but you will be doing so while helping to disseminate badly needed sex education and sexual enrichment messages. Simply put, ya just can’t get a better bang for your advertising buck!

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