Category Archives: Hiv Issues

IS THERE A SPLINTER IN MY EYE?

Today, we visit with a pair of very disgruntled correspondents. How nice!

Have you ever noticed how some folks have an inordinate amount of time on their hands? Time they use to poke around in the lives of the rest of us poor, unfortunate, benighted souls. They love to point out the errors of our ways. Whatever would we do without these guiding lights? It’s always been curious to me how the least capable among us are always the first to set himself or herself up as the arbiter of proper and wholesome living, especially when it comes to sex.

Who was it that said, “remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother’s eye”? Oh yeah, now I remember. I am in really good company today. ;-)

And today, dear readers, I’ll not bother tidying up my correspondents’ spelling and punctuation. I want you to experience the fullness of their brilliance for yourselves. Besides, I’m too busy trying to dislodge this plank from my eye.

Hey Dickhead
I would really like to know who you are and what are your qualifications in sexual matters. I was just reading one of your replies to a young person whose lover is 17yrs older than her. I am so saddened by your reply. You advised her to have extra relationship affairs which we all know that relationships that incorporates a third party is destined to ruin and the couple is inevitably be living a lie. I do not know what sort of sexual development you had and how you’ve come to separate love and sex but you are surely promoting a negative in this case.
Sex is something that is for the relationship and that relationship alone, not to go all around town giving out at free will. Being a slut. Im sure there are different things that they together as a couple can do with out the help of somebody else. And like slutting around is actually gonna save somebody’s relationship, yea i see that happening every day.
Even if this is a hoax and not a real problem, I’m afraid it is in bad taste. I do not know you from Adam but please think before you answer any of these questions. The gay communities in many places and the gov’t have spent a lot of money in the fight with Aides. One of the things that was being promoted is finding one partner and sticking to him. The more partners one has the higher the risk. There is also the aspect of using another for selfish sexual gratification. Yes you may say It’s Ok if there is consent but really, Is it? After all we all know what happens to our feelings once we have had orgasm. You are a bad person. You shouldn’t be telling anybody anything.

Whoa, what a charmer!

What a dangerous and disturbing thing it is to be so judgmental about the sex lives oft21.jpg others. Isn’t it possible for well-meaning people to have a genuine disagreement on such matters without interjecting all the disparaging and rude remarks?

As I review my response to the person in question, I see I offered her a number of sound suggestions on how to deal with her sexual frustration. The thought, that she might discuss an accommodation with her primary partner, allowing her to seek sexual fulfillment outside her relationship, was just one of the ideas I had. Why did you focus only on that? And would you really characterize that as “slutting around”?

It’s been my experience that many long-term loving relationships continue to be successful precisely because the partners make adjustments for the inevitable disparity of sexual interests that develops between them over time. After all, accommodations and a healthy give and take are hallmarks of a well-adjusted relationship. And who says fidelity is a genital issue? Not me!

As the resident sexual advisor on this website, (you can check out my substantial qualifications in my bio) I offer advice on the problems that my correspondents present me. I stand by my advice. The people who write to me are adults. They can choose from among the helpful hints I offer, or disregard them all together. But it is certainly not my role to choose for them. So, if I had omitted the option that gives you such offense, I would have, at least by default, made part of her choice for her.

You defend your point of view from a position of fear. You claim that we should be sexually exclusive with one partner because there is a higher risk of being infected with AIDS if we aren’t. Is that the best you can come up with? Is that really why we should pair off with just one other person, because we’re afraid of disease? And then there’s this other curious comment: “After all we all know what happens to our feelings once we have had orgasm.” What are you insinuating about “us”? Me thinks you disclose more about your personal prejudices then you intended.

My advice to you, deary, is to sit down and take a deep breath. Your undies are in such a bunch, you’re beginning to screech. I also suggest that you suspend judgment, particularly as it applies to the manner in which others live their lives, or at least till you have more information about the intricacies of life, sex and love.

Good Luck,

Dr. Dick,
I am a 27 year old male that has never had sex or been in any kind of a relationship. I’ve looked but all I’ve found is that every guy I’ve met seems only to be controlled by his dick. I’ve come to the conclusion that all men my age are the same. It’s gotten so bad that not only do I hate my own kind but I hate sex because of what it stands for. I have even lost the need to please myself and I think of others as weak and pathetic for not being able to use their hearts. I know that sex is a healthy part of human life but why (especially in our community) is everything based on sex and/or crammed down our throats? Even the simplest of ads has to have some dude brandishing his schlong just to get attention. I can’t even enter a chat room without somebody asking me what my cock size is. I’ve come to hate everything we stand for and it’s left me cold and I tend to shut myself out of any function that is sexually related. Friends tell me to get off my high horse but I can’t see any reason to. Just by observing from up here all I see are a bunch of HIV infected rabbits that have reached the end of their evolutionary path because they no longer communicate with word but only with sex. I thought I’d grow out of this but that was seven years ago.
Cold, Clinton J.

Dear ClintonJ,

How in the world did you get to be so incredibly bitter and jaded at such a tender age?

jockbutt.jpgYour friends are right, puppy, get off your high horse. The observations you make about us mere mortals are more than a little skewed, coming as they do from your angelic vantage point.

Listen, it’s true what you say about our community’s obsession with sex. Kudos to you for pointing out the obvious. But hey, it’s not just us homos. Look around and you will find our entire culture is fucked up in this way. You can have a full and life-affirming sex life without participating in or being co-opted by the madness that abounds. You can, like others do, choose a life path that is both sexually enriching and adventurous without succumbing to a preoccupation.

You claim to be 27 and say you’ve never had sex? And you make this proclamation like it’s something to be proud of. I wonder, how much of this bitterness is just sour grapes? Like Bette Midler is fond of sayin’: “You’re crackin’ up from a lack of shackin’ up.” You need to get laid, doll. It’s as simple as that.

And what’s up with this? “…all I see are a bunch of HIV infected rabbits that have reached the end of their evolutionary path…”? Shame on you. Try pumping some life-affirming blood into those icy veins and see what happens. Do not stand in judgment of something you cannot or will not participate in. It makes you look like a bounder.

Good Luck

Better Living Through Chemistry??

Better Living Through Chemistry??

Hmmm, maybe not so much anymore.

Nowadays it seems like the whole chemistry thing is actually impeding the better living concept. The epic proportion of crystal-meth addiction is just one indication that our relentless pursuit of “happiness” is actually making us really sick and miserable. However, crank is only one of the culprits.

Ya know, if each of us took the time, every now and again, and check in with our body, we’d discover that it has a lot to say. It tells us when we are tired. It lets us know when we are hungry. (That is, if we’re not so fucked up we can’t think straight.) And given the chance, our body will also tell us when we’ve had too much (even of a good thing). Besides making us look and act like idiots, excessive drug and alcohol consumption also short-circuits this important flow of information from our body to our mind. This has dire consequences for our wellbeing and the wellbeing of those around us.

Dr. Dick,
My partner and I use poppers during sex and have been doing so for the past few months. Recently, I have been having pain in my gums and teeth. I read that the use of “heart medications”, like poppers’, can bring on these symptoms. I wasn’t concerned at first until I realized that I experienced the same symptoms once before when we were using poppers on a daily basis. The pains stopped after the poppers did. Now we’re using them again and the symptoms are back. Could the poppers actually be causing the pain in my teeth and gums?
Ken

Dear Ken,

This isn’t rocket science, darling. If you can put 2 and 2 together and come up with a plausible 4, shouldn’t that lead you to a probable conclusion?

Come on, you’re doin’ way too much poppers and you know it. Maybe it’s a lucky thingamst150.jpg that your teeth and gums are alerting you to your excess. But, hey, if you choose not to heed your body’s signals then you must be brain dead.

If you use a stimulant every time you have sex, you run the risk of desensitizing your body to the natural “high” that sexual activity provides us. You short-circuit or over-ride your body’s own pleasure producing hormones — endorphins. You also alter, and not for the better, your natural sexual response cycle. These are real concerns that are rarely spoken about when popper use and health risks are discussed. There is the real danger of altering your sexual response cycle to the point that you will never be able to enjoy sex without a stimulant. This is already an epidemic among those who use crystal-meth.

Stop now.

Good luck

Dear Dr. Dick
I have been in a relationship with this guy…he is 43 and I am 50. He admits that he is an alcoholic and I knew that when this relationship started a little over two years ago. The problem now is that I am having a hard time handling his “slips” and his mood swings which pushes all my wrong buttons all the time, lately. Do you think or advise that we end this relationship? Maybe we both need new partners. It is not that I don’t love him….I do. But I am tired of the same pattern…and I don’t think that I am ready to be any more patient then I already have been. Please help me in making a decision. Also, I have been recently diagnosed with HIV and will be starting my meds regime shortly…therefore sex has been rare if not absent. That may be another problem.
Confused and Hurt

Dear C&H,

Sounds to me like you’ve already made up your mind about the destructive nature of your relationship with your alcoholic partner. Do you just need someone to ratify your newcube1fff.jpgfeelings, or give you permission to do the thing you know you must do? If so, I happily provide both.

You know you shouldn’t be in this relationship and I know you shouldn’t be in this relationship. So what are you gonna do about it? Get out before it destroys you too. It’s obvious that there will be one casualty in this relationship, your partner. There doesn’t need to be two.

Your partner needs help and he’ll never get it if you continue to facilitate his self-destructive behaviors. If he doesn’t reach out to get some help, he’s sending you a message that the booze is more important to him than you are. This is not love, so I suggest you not call it that. It may be some kind of obsession, but it is definitely not love.

Whatever it is, let it go.

Good luck

Doc,
I got a question for you. One of my fuck buddies gets a small rash around his piss slit. It flares up every couple of months and stays for about a week. He says it itches like hell, but it feels good when he pisses or cums. The skin around his slit gets very rough the peals of. What could be the problem and is it dangerous?

P.S. please keep my name secret because if he finds out I told someone, his feelings will be hurt. I think he is scared he my have a STD.

Well then, we’ll just have to keep your little secret, won’t we?3f68.jpg

Listen, my friend, if I were you I’d encourage my fuck buddy to see a doctor right away. STDs (or more properly, Sexually Transmitted Infections) aside, inflammation and itching, particularly the kind you describe, are always signs of a serious dermatological disturbance. Medical issues like this, especially if they reoccur, should not be taken lightly. His body is trying to get his attention, for christ sake. What is he waiting for, a neon sign?

At the very least, left untreated, something like this could develop into a really serious infection and your friend could lose his dick altogether. No time to lose, pup, have him get this looked at right away.

Good luck

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