Meet the BDSM therapists treating clients with restraints, mummification and impact play

By Gillian Fisher

When we say BDSM, you probably think of chains, whips, and all sorts of sexy stuff.

But there’s far more to it.

BDSM has long been recognised as an erotic practice, with more people than ever introducing aspects of bondage, domination, sadism and masochism into their sexual pursuits.

A combination of changing sexual attitudes and greater representation in mainstream media has sparked a new curiosity surrounding the pleasures of submission.

While BDSM has typically been categorised as a sexual preference, some professional dominants have decided to apply the key principles of control and abandon to therapeutic practice. According to these specialists, their specific brand of holistic BDSM has helped clients with a range of emotional issues from trauma to anxiety.

London-based Lorelei set up her own business as the Divine Theratrix in September 2018 after two years working as a therapeutic counsellor. Marketing herself as a ‘loving female authority’, Lorelei uses BDSM components such as restraint and impact play (rhythmic hitting) to enable her clients to open up.

Lorelei, 33, tells Metro.co.uk: ‘The first time I introduced BDSM to a therapy session, the client progressed more in two hours than they usually would in two months of traditional counselling. Having your physical presence is so powerful.’

Lorelei began to explore BDSM therapy after becoming frustrated by the rigid detachment she has to retain during traditional counselling sessions.

‘I was struggling with the barrier,’ she explains. ‘I thought “Christ if I could actually have contact with clients, I know it would make a difference to them”.’

The former lawyer became involved with BDSM while exploring her own sexuality at sex parties and was particularly drawn to the role of a dominant. Lorelei looks entirely unimposing, with a youthful, elfin face and a petite frame clothed in black trousers and a lacy black top. Despite her delicate appearance and obvious warmth, Lorelei has a certain air of command; a no-nonsense kind of confidence that one can imagine her using to great effect in her work.

Having gained her diploma in therapeutic counselling, Lorelei was struck by the similarities between BDSM and conventional therapy. A BDSM session with her is broken down into three main parts, which are holding (establishing the power dynamic and trust), opening and then putting back together again, which could easily describe a formalised counselling session.

But unlike standard psychoanalysis where everything is achieved through talking, Lorelei will apply physical and occasionally painful actions such as nipple tweaking or flogging to facilitate the different stages. This is always a detailed conversation about the client’s limits and session goals.

She also holds her £200 per hour sessions in a rented dungeon while garbed in classic fetish wear, which Lorelei explains reinforces the power balance and takes clients outside of their daily reality.

Lorelei tells us: ‘I deal with a lot of clients who have a lot of early trauma, which is incredibly difficult to shift because it’s in your primal brain, which predates any cognitive thought processes.

‘I know from personal experience that these feelings can be very overwhelming and they need to come out. In this setup, clients know that because I am completely in control, they can totally let go and I will be there to make sure they feel safe and feel held.

‘Just because I’m a dominant doesn’t mean I can’t be nurturing.’

Because of its reliance upon specific power roles, anticipation and the relinquishing of control, BDSM is an inherently psychological practice. But how does a BDSM healer make emotional catharsis and not sexual gratification the primary goal of a session?

New York based Aleta Cai tells us: ‘Making sure that client understand what they want to achieve through a session is key. I make it very clear that healing and self-actualisation are the primary objectives of my sessions.’

Aleta practices what she describes as Sacred BDSM which combines new age modalities such as reiki and clairvoyance with traditional BDSM devices, including sensory deprivation and restraint. A self-described empath, Aleta explained that the BDSM template allows clients to access a deeper level of surrender.

‘I feel that in the West, there is a focus on psychoanalysis and probing the rational mind, which can lead to people getting stuck in their own narratives,’ Aleta says. ‘Things may be alerted to the rational mind that the body needs to process, and BDSM can facilitate that processing.’

Born in China, Aleta moved to Los Angeles during infancy and has retained her tinkling LA inflection. However, the 29-year-old speaks in a slow, measured manner which demands full attention. After completing her degree in Psychology at NYU, Aleta worked as a professional dominatrix at a well-known BDSM dungeon for two years.

Her transition towards Sacred BDSM began three years ago. The turning point came during a standard mummification session (this process involves being wrapped up like its Egyptian cadaver’s namesake) where Aleta introduced crystals and healing energy devices to the process.

Aleta said: ‘I was amazed, in just 20 minutes I felt the client’s different energies being unblocked and the immense sense of release he experienced. That’s what began my journey towards introducing certain elements into my own healing work.’

The reiki master also runs what she calls a ‘vanilla’ healing practice alongside her multiple artistic projects. Spirituality informs both practitioners’ work, with Lorelei being inspired largely by branches of matriarchal mysticism and paganism while Aleta is particularly influenced by Eastern medicine and esoteric theologies.

Aleta says: ‘My intention is to maximise their healing through BDSM so for instance if I felt someone’s root chakra is very heavy, I would cane them repetitively until I saw a somatic relief in that chakra. If I mummify someone, I will take them into hypnosis which will allow them a deeper layer of catharsis that is not just the physicality of being wrapped up.’

The concept of accessing a kind of heightened consciousness through BDSM makes sense scientifically as pain triggers adrenaline and endorphins which can lead to feelings of euphoria. For this to be experienced in a therapeutic and emotionally releasing manner is mostly dependent upon how the activity is framed.

Seani Love said: ‘A lot of BDSM does involve some level of therapy anyway, because sexuality is humanity’s inherent driving force. But when you outline the BDSM experience as an emotionally healing practice, it involves all aspects of the person making the release not only psychological, but also emotional, physical and spiritual.’

The Australian native applies a variety of disciplines to his BDSM work, including Pagan ritual and Qigong, in what he describes as a ‘hodgepodge of healing practices’.

The former software engineer began working part-time as a Shamanic BDSM practitioner eight years ago, finally going full time in 2013. Seani now prefers the title of sex worker and has won awards for his travail, which earn him £390 for a three hour booking. However, the 49-year-old still runs sessions and workshops specializing in Conscious Kink and BDSM therapy. It was Seani who personally mentored Lorelei while she was deciding what path she would take.

At the start of our meeting Seani seems slightly nervous; softly spoken and prone to fidgeting. As the interview gets further underway he seems to relax a little, obviously passionate about the remedial aspects of his work. When asked about his greatest achievement during his BDSM therapy career, Seani describes an intense experience with a 65-year-old client who had been rejected by his mother after being dropped on his head.

‘I called in a female assistant so he could experience some maternal love in his body during the session,’ Seani tells us. ‘We retraced some particular steps, used some impact play to get him out of his head and got him back to that pre-verbal stage, then invited the assistant to hold and nurture him. It was so powerful; he finally found peace with his mother from the ritual we created.’

Seani also has a background in gestalt therapy and a level 3 diploma in counselling, but has found his particular therapeutic niche within the erotic and BDSM sphere. While he has helped many people through applied BDSM, he is quick to state that it isn’t the right path for everyone.

‘I think it’s important for me to say that I wouldn’t prescribe shamanic BDSM as a healing path for all people,’ he notes. ‘I would never directly recommend it, but if people are drawn to it, it’s available.’

At first glance, BDSM therapy seems contradictory. Alleviating emotional distress with physical pain seems illogical, even detrimental. But when done skilfully, this practice enables the expression of raw emotion, without rationalisation or any holding back from the client.

People have turned to primal scream sessions, isolation tanks and rebirthing therapy in pursuit of emotional balance and found such practices effective. With mental health conditions making up 28% of the NHS’s total burden, perhaps for some select people, an overtly physical approach could provide the release that is so desperately needed.

Complete Article HERE!

An essential safe sex guide for lesbian, bisexual and queer women

Everything you need to know about vulva-to-vulva sex.

By

If you’re a lesbian, bisexual, pansexual or queer woman, or someone who has a vagina and sleeps with vagina-having people, it’s likely you haven’t had the sexual health education you need. School sex ed is so heteronormative that many of us never heard so much of a mention of vulva-to-vulva sex. It’s no wonder many queer folk don’t realise STIs can be transmitted through fingering, oral sex and sharing sex toys.

This gap in our knowledge is nothing to be ashamed of. Safe sex for LGBTQ+ women, non-binary, trans and intersex people is just rarely (if ever) efficiently covered in school.

So here’s your essential safe sex guide, courtesy of Linnéa Haviland from sexual health service SH:24.

Stigma exists and it might affect you

A recent study found LGBTQ+ women face barriers when accessing sexual health care, the main reason being ignorance and prejudice among health care staff. I have certainly been questioned a few times about why I’m going for a smear test, simply because I’ve said I have a girlfriend. With information about safe sex being extremely penis-centred, it can be really hard to know the facts and stand your ground in the face of individual and institutionalised queerphobia.

Know how STIs are actually spread…

Contrary to popular belief, there doesn’t have to be a penis involved for STIs to spread. STIs can be passed on through genital skin-on-skin contact, through bodily fluids on hands and fingers, oral sex and sharing sex toys. STIs “like the specific environment of the genitals, so can spread from one vulva to another when they are in close contact or if fluids come in contact via sex toys or fingers,” says SH:24 sexual health nurse Charlotte.

Chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhoea, HPV, genital warts and genital herpes can all be spread this way. These STIs can also spread via oral sex. Throat swabs for STIs aren’t routinely offered to women, but if you are worried you can request one. STIs won’t survive outside their cosy environments for long though, so you can’t get them from sharing towel, toilet seats, or by using a sex toy someone else used a week ago.

…and know how to protect yourself

You’ve probably heard of a dental dam for oral sex, but if you’re anything like me before I started working for a sexual health service, you’ve probably never actually seen one. Originally used for dentistry, they are quite expensive and hard to get hold of, so unless your local sexual health clinic has them I would recommend a DIY version: the cut up condom!

Unroll the condom, cut the tip off, then cut it lengthwise to unroll it into a rectangle. Use the lubricated side against the vulva, or if flavoured, the flavoured side against your mouth (note: flavours can irritate the vulva!) When sharing sex toys, use a condom on the sex toy, and change this every time you switch user.

For fingering and fisting, you can use latex gloves for extra protection (add some lube though – they’re dry!) If you’re rubbing genitals or scissoring, you can try to keep a dental dam in between, but it can be really hard to keep it in place… the best way to stay protected is to test regularly for STIs (we recommend yearly or when changing partners – whichever comes first!)

Go for your smear test

There is a prevalent heteronormative notion that you don’t need to get a smear test unless you’ve had/are having S.E.X (meaning penetrative sex with a penis.) This isn’t true! HPV, the virus which can cause cervical cancer, can be transmitted via oral sex, sharing sex toys and genital contact. HPV is very common, and most people will have it at some point in their life, but clear it without symptoms. Because it’s so common it’s important to always go for your smear test!

Know about HIV

HIV is is slightly different from other STIs, because it has to get into your bloodstream. “There is a high quantity of white blood cells both in the rectum and on the cervix, so if the virus gets there, it is very close to where it needs to be. Tearing adds another way for the virus to come in contact with your blood stream during sex,” says Charlotte. HIV can only survive outside the body for a few seconds, so transmission via non-penetrative sex or sharing sex toys is thought to be extremely low.

However the actually transmission rates of HIV during sex between two vagina-having people is unknown, since this has not been recorded or studied on any larger scale. There has been one documented case of HIV transmission between two women – but more cases might be masked by assumptions that the virus was contracted in a different way (such as heterosexual/penis-vagina sex or needle sharing). There is a lot of stigma attached to HIV, so it’s important to remember that if you have HIV and are on the right medication, you can keep the viral load undetectable, which means you can’t pass it on!

Learn the risk factors

When making a decision about whether to have protected or unprotected sex with someone, it’s a good idea to be informed about the risk factors involved in different types of sex. British Association for Sexual Health and HIV (BAASH) guidelines says non-penetrative contact carries the lowest risk, but no sexual contact is without risk.

For penetrative sex (like fingering, using sex toys and fisting) the risk of transmission is related to the degree of trauma – i.e if there is friction or aberration (tiny cuts). Risk is also related to if you or your partner(s) are likely to have an STI – so be in the know and test, test, test! There is an assumption in the medical field that vulva-to-vulva sex carries hardly any risk of STI transmission, but different reports suggest this generalisation may not be correct.

Complete Article HERE!

Does cannabis affect men’s sexual health?

There’s a lot of information floating around the interwebs on how weed affects your erection. What’s the truth?

Cannabis may not impact sexual health as previously thought.

By Alana Armstrong

Have you ever wondered, somewhere in the back of your mind (minimized to a tiny voice so as to not freak yourself out) whether the weed you smoke affects your erection?

Yeah, we all have. At least those who are equipped to get erections.

And it’s no wonder. The internet is full of anecdotal descriptions of marijuana-triggered erections, something Urban Dictionary contributors call “stoner boner.” To quote the entry, this is “an erection obtained for no reason other than the fact that the obtainee was too damn high.” (Let’s face it. That’s way better than whisky dick.)

And there is maybe even more content out there about how marijuana impedes the boner. So, what’s real?

As far as we can tell, you can rest easy, brother. The facts about weed use and erections are uncertain at best, with one investigation suggesting that frequent cannabis use caused the men in their study to reach orgasm too quickly, too slowly, or not at all.

And then there’s this other study, which suggests that cannabis could be used to treat erectile difficulties in men with high cholesterol.

In short? The jury is still out. If you’re concerned about how marijuana affects your bedroom presence, try out some different strains and consumption methods. It’s certainly more fun that way,  and you can see how each one affects your desire and ability to perform. Bring on the boner!

Complete Article HERE!

Do You Need Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy?

by Vanessa Marin

You’ve probably never heard of pelvic floor physical therapy before, and that’s a shame: It’s an extremely helpful treatment option for a variety of difficult medical conditions. Your pelvic floor drapes across your pelvic area like a hammock, and supports the pelvic organs (the uterus, bladder, and rectum). It also assists with urinary and anal continence, and serves a role in core strength and orgasm. People of all genders have a pelvic floor.

To help me learn more about pelvic floor physical therapy, I spoke with Heather Jeffcoat, a physical therapist and the owner of Femina Physical Therapy in Los Angeles, and author of Sex Without Pain: A Self Treatment Guide to the Sex Life You Deserve. Here’s what you need to know about pelvic therapy and how it can help you.

How pelvic floor physical therapy works

A lot of things can weaken the pelvic floor, including pregnancy, childbirth, and aging, resulting in pelvic pain as well as bladder, bowel, and sexual dysfunctions.

The first step of pelvic floor physical therapy is gathering the client’s history, ascertaining their goals, and providing education about how the pelvic floor works. This is followed by a manual examination. From there, physical therapists use a combination of manual therapy, pelvic floor exercises, biofeedback, and/or vaginal dilators. Patients are seen for regular appointments, and are given exercises to complete at home.

 
You can find therapists by searching American Physical Therapy Association and the International Pelvic Pain Society. Many PTs, including Dr. Jeffcoat, also offer telemedicine appointments if you’d prefer to get started that way or you can’t find a PT in your area.

What pelvic floor physical therapy can treat

Pelvic floor PT can be effective at treating a wide array of conditions, including:

  • Painful sex
  • Pain with tampon insertion or OB/GYN examinations
  • Vulvar pain
  • Vulvar itching
  • Urinary urgency and frequency
  • Recurrent UTIs
  • Urinary incontinence
  • Bowel incontinence
  • Pelvic and/or lower abdominal pain

Dr. Jeffcoat says, “I like to tell physicians that if they have been searching for a cause of someone’s pain between their ribs and their hips/pelvis and they have been medically cleared, they should be referred to a skilled PFPT.”

Pelvic floor PT can also be used to prepare transgender patients for gender confirmation surgery, and to facilitate healing post-surgery.

Pelvic floor physical therapy and sexual pain

Recently, researchers at the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University found that 30% of women experienced pain during their last sexual encounter. Even though sexual pain is widespread, it often takes a very long time for a woman to get diagnosed with a sexual pain condition. I have heard horror stories from clients who were told by their doctors that their pain was “all in their head” or that they needed to “just have a glass of wine.” I’ve heard of doctors recommending a shot of alcohol or an anti-anxiety medication right before sex. Dr. Jeffcoat has heard the same stories, and says most traditional physicians are ill-equipped to deal with sexual pain even though the reality is that there’s almost always a physical cause.

If you try to talk to your doctor about your sexual pain and get met with an infuriating response like “just relax,” finding a pelvic floor physical therapist in your area could be a much better bet. A good PT will work with you to uncover the root of your pain and discomfort, and develop a targeted game plan for relief. I’ve worked with a lot of clients with sexual pain, and they’ve all sung the praises of pelvic floor PT.

Keeping your pelvic floor in shape

Even if you’ve never heard of pelvic floor physical therapy before, you’ve probably heard about the field’s most popular exercise: kegels. There has been an explosion of articles about kegels (also known as PC exercises) in the last few years, and there are also a ton kegel trainers on the market purporting to help you get your kegel muscles into tip-top shape. Kegel exercises can have great benefits, including stronger orgasms and greater urinary control. But Dr. Jeffcoat advises a bit of caution. She shared that about half of all women are doing kegels incorrectly, and around 25% are doing them in a way that could make their other symptoms worse. She’s not a fan of vaginal weights or trainers because, she says, they can worsen incorrect form.

Dr. Jeffcoat says that if you’re currently experiencing sexual pain, urinary urgency or frequency, bladder pain, urge incontinence, constipation, rectal pain or any pelvic pain, avoid kegels and check in with a PT first.

If you don’t have bowel or bladder symptoms, Dr. Jeffcoat recommends doing a mix of longer holds and shorter pulses. To find your PC muscles, cut off your flow of urine before your bladder is empty. The muscles that you have to use to do so are the ones you want to target. For the longer holds, gently squeeze your PC muscles for 3-5 seconds, then gradually release. For the shorter pulses, squeeze your PC muscles, then immediately release. If you want to ensure you’re doing kegels correctly, or want a customized game plan, definitely check in with a PT.

If you feel embarrassed about what’s involved in pelvic floor PT

Yes, your PT will be directly manipulating your muscles through the walls of your vagina or anus. But Dr. Jeffcoat assured me that a good pelvic floor physical therapist is passionate about their work, and about helping their clients feel comfortable. Pelvic floor issues are very common, and PTs want to help remove the stigma around getting help. Dr. Jeffcoat’s standard initial visit is 90 minutes, a good chunk of which is spent talking and helping you feel more comfortable. You also have the option to postpone the physical examination until a later session.

It may also help to think about the positive effects of pelvic floor physical therapy. I asked Dr. Jeffcoat about some of her favorite patient success stories, and she told me about seeing patients consummate their marriages for the first time ever. One case was after 19 years of marriage. She also wrote, “I’ve had so many women that are able to get pregnant without fertility treatments because they can have pain-free sex. I’ve seen women gain a new sense of empowerment by reaching a goal they truly never thought would never happen.” There can also be something incredibly validating about knowing that the pain isn’t “in your head.” The bottom line: pelvic floor physical therapy can be life-changing.

Complete Article HERE!

Can masturbation impact your workout?

Research has shown that masturbation does not affect testosterone levels.

Masturbation is a healthy and safe sexual activity that has links to numerous health benefits, such as pain relief and stress reduction. Opinions on how masturbation affects exercise vary, but there is not enough evidence to support one view over the other.

Some members of the health and fitness community are in a debate about the potential risks and benefits of masturbation before a workout.

Some people believe that masturbation can influence levels of testosterone, which plays a crucial role in promoting overall physical fitness. They also think that masturbation and other sexual activities can lead to improvements in mood and lower stress, which can indirectly improve physical performance.

However, other people think that masturbation adversely influences physical performance due to excess energy expenditure. Continue reading to learn about the possible benefits and side effects associated with masturbating before a workout.

How masturbation and abstinence affect testosterone

The debate about whether masturbation is beneficial before exercise seems to focus on how masturbation influences testosterone.

Testosterone is the primary male reproductive hormone, but females also produce it. It plays a crucial role in promoting physical fitness among both males and females. According to one animal study, it plays a vital role in muscle protein synthesis.

Another review that included studies on humans suggests that testosterone also plays a role in bone formation.

With that said, the question remains whether masturbation significantly affects testosterone levels.

What do the studies say?

Testosterone levels naturally increase during sexual arousal and decrease after orgasm, but it appears that masturbation does not significantly impact a person’s level of testosterone.

The findings of a 2001 study showed that orgasm due to masturbation did not affect plasma testosterone levels. However, the authors observed higher concentrations of testosterone in men who abstained from sexual activity for 3 weeks. This was a small study with only 10 participants.

In another early study from 2003, researchers observed that testosterone levels fluctuated minimally during the first 5 days of sexual abstinence, peaked at 7 days, and then remained constant. The findings of this study suggest that short periods of abstinence may result in temporary fluctuations in testosterone levels.

Benefits of masturbation

Although masturbation has little to no effect on testosterone levels, it may still benefit a person’s workout performance.

However, there is not enough scientific research to support a direct link between masturbation and better physical performance.

Current scientific research does suggest, however, that sexual activity may enhance people’s overall health.

A recent study on adults who had experienced a heart attack suggests that those who frequently engaged in sexual activity had better long term survival rates.

Hormones, such as dopamine, norepinephrine, and oxytocin, increase during and following sexual climax. These hormones positively affect mood and could influence the mental aspect of exercise by improving a person’s frame of mind and motivation during a workout.

Side effects of masturbation

Masturbation is a safe sexual activity that has few, if any, long term side effects.

One 2016 review looking at sexual activity and competitive sports concludes that there is not any evidence to suggest that masturbation has a direct adverse effect on overall physical fitness or sports performance in males or females. Anecdotal evidence also indicates that having sexual intercourse about 10 hours before taking part in a sports competition may have a positive effect on performance.

Masturbating too frequently can lead to temporary side effects, including:

  • overly sensitive or tender skin near the genitals
  • swelling or edema of the penis
  • decreased sensitivity
  • fatigue

Males and females

It appears that masturbation induces similar effects in both males and females. Engaging in sexual activity increases testosterone levels, reduces stress, and relieves pain.

Male and female bodies respond differently to testosterone. Males naturally have higher levels of testosterone than females, which leads to the development of some typical male characteristics, such as body and facial hair.

These characteristics do not usually occur in females producing normal levels of the hormone. Testosterone also plays an essential role in sperm production and egg development.

Currently, scientific research has not revealed a direct relationship between masturbation and exercise performance in males or females.

However, the findings of one recent study suggest that regular sexual activity may improve levels of life satisfaction and enjoyment among older adults.

Summary

Masturbation has little to no direct effect on people’s workout performance. Although testosterone levels fluctuate immediately after orgasm, the change is temporary and unlikely to affect a person’s physical fitness.

Masturbation may stimulate the release of endorphins and other feel-good hormones. These hormonal changes can help reduce stress and improve mood.

People should structure their routines accordingly. If masturbating makes someone extremely tired, they may want to avoid it before a workout. Masturbating has few, if any, side effects.

Complete Article HERE!

Why it’s dangerous to treat gay and bi men’s sexual health in the same way

Bisexual men’s sexual health is at risk, Lewis Oakley says, because researchers treat gay and bi men the same way

by

One of my biggest issues as a bisexual campaigner is to tackle how we conduct sexual health research.

Last week’s Public Health England report demonstrated an issue we face again and again.

Their latest study found gonorrhea and syphilis cases are surging among gay and bisexual men.

Research like this classify gay and bisexual men as the same thing. But even though other studies have found bi men are more at risk of STIs, their public health needs are often unmet.

Why is treating gay and bi men’s sexual health the same an issue? 

It’s so basic, it’s baffling but here we go. Gay men only have sex with men and bisexual men could be having sex with men or/ and women. How can you not assess these two forms of sexuality separately when looking at sexually transmitted infections?

I do understand the perspective that what they are really doing is grouping together ‘men who have sex with men’ because they have unique health risks.

But from a practical point of view, that simply doesn’t work. You are only taking in to account part of a bi man’s sex life. It is the most obvious form of bi erasure. ‘We are only going to take in to account the sex you have with men. The fact you have sex with women will be omitted from the research.’

Limited studies that do look at gay and bi men differently have found startling results.

One study argued rates of HIV in bisexual men is closer to those of heterosexual men than gay men.

The truth is, this is a large scale failing on the part of sexual health research. It endangers bisexual men like myself.

Sexual health issues unique to bisexual men are ignored because it doesn’t correlate with what gay men are dealing with.

For example, no sexual health research has ever surveyed bisexual men to see if they are more or less likely to use a condom with a man or a woman. From my own interactions with other bi men, I’ve long suspected there could be a discrepancy in condom use. However, because such an issue doesn’t impact gay men, I have no research to prove this point. As a consequence, if I am right it means no effort is being put in to improving condom use by bisexuals.

Bisexual sexual health impact

If we wanted to play the discrimination card, you could argue an unintentional consequence of all this research encourages bi men to see sex with men as too dangerous. It may push them to be more comfortable with women.

For gay men, highlighting specific risks they are more susceptible too is good practice. But for bisexual men who have the option of sex with men and women only showing them negative realities of having sex with men could be off-putting. Obviously, no research has ever asked bisexual men if sexual health reporting makes them more cautious about having sex with men than they are women, so we will just leave that as wild speculation at this point.

More insidiously, the overall consequence is that bisexual men are being disenfranchised from the conversation about safe sex.

London Assembly Health committee found that bisexual people, and those who come under the + category, report that their identity is frequently misunderstood or simply erased by health professionals.

As a consequence, another study found there is a substantial gap in knowledge specifically on bisexual health needs still remains.

Feeling their bisexuality won’t be taken seriously, only 33% of bisexuals feeling comfortable sharing their sexual orientation with their general practitioner.

If we want to change this, we need to make the effort to bring bi men in to the sexual health conversation.

Time to take bisexuals seriously

What we need to see is research that reflects bi men’s experience. Statistics should be available on issues such as condom use, unplanned pregnancy and the most common STIs.

We then need targeted health campaigns telling bisexual men how to protect themselves.

From my own experience, we need to do a better job educating sexual health professionals. Doctors must know bisexuality exists and be educated on their sexual health risks.

As the American Journal of Preventive Medicine reported, men who have sex with men and women — regardless of whether they identify as bisexual — have distinct health care needs.

They could also do more to target bisexuals. I’m not tooting my own horn here but I’m pretty well known for being bisexual. I’ve written for most major sites, appeared across TV and radio and have a weekly column. You would think organizations might reach out to ask me to help promote their bisexual survey/ service – but no.

All I’m asking for is some specific research to help bi men make informed decisions about their sexual health. It’s not unreasonable to ask that bisexual men be looked at separately to gay men.

And until that becomes the new way of working, this bisexual activist will continue to say: the majority of sexual health research is fake news.

Complete Article HERE!

A Guide To Transgender Friendly Clinics by Region

By Capri Fiello

Hims and Hers were founded with the goal of getting more people to be open and honest about their health. For too long there has been a stigma around talking about fairly common issues.

Unfortunately, it can be difficult for marginalized communities to access the health resources and information they specifically need. As an inclusive company, we want to use our platform to help the LGBTQ community. We want to spread awareness and assist people who are having trouble finding professional help.

Researching and searching the web can be exhausting and draining. To make things a bit easier, we researched and compiled our own guide to trans-friendly clinics across the United States by region.

Western United States

In regards to transgender issues, the Western United States is fairly progressive. Though there aren’t any clinics that explicitly advertise as trans-friendly, there are plenty of health clinics that are inclusive and affordable. Throughout the Western U.S., there are LGBTQ welcoming clinics in almost every major metropolitan hub.

San Francisco Community Health Center

Location: San Francisco, California

This health center offers a range of services for transgender people. Every Friday, they host “Trans: Thrive” — a drop-in clinic in which trans individuals can meet with providers.  In addition to offering feminizing hormone therapy, masculinizing hormone therapy, gender-reconstruction surgeries, and electrolysis, this clinic also has a range of other LGBTQ-friendly services like PrEP, HIV treatment, STI/HIV testing, and therapy. Though the services aren’t all free, they do offer free HIV testing.

Lyon Martin

Location: San Francisco, California

Lyon Martin has a plethora of transgender services like trans-affirmative gynecologic care, hormone therapy, mental health counseling, HIV and STI testing and treatment, and referral for gender-affirming surgery. In addition to accepting both public and private insurance, this clinic has a sliding-scale system that considers a patient’s income and insurance status.

The San Diego LGBT Community Center

Location: San Diego, California

This LGBT community center has fantastic transgender services. With Project TRANS, they have group therapy, HIV education services, outreach, referrals, and much more. On top of that, Project TRANS helps with changing one’s gender marker on documents. The San Diego LGBT Community Center is inclusive of people from various financial backgrounds, accepting patients regardless of their insurance status and assisting with costs.

Los Angeles LGBT Center

Location: Los Angeles, California

The Los Angeles LGBT Center is mindful and inclusive of LA’s transgender population. They offer trans-sensitive exams, hormone therapy and education, surgical care, and more. What’s particularly great about this center is that a lot of the referrals are in-house, making care easier and faster for transgender patients. In regards to payment, the center advertises that it can assist patients set up their own health-care plans and accepts most public and private health plans.

HOPES

Location: Reno, Nevada

HOPES is a community health center with robust services (pharmaceutical, HIV care, behavioral health) for the LGBTQ population of Reno, Nevada. This health center hosts transgender peer groups and a transgender family support group. Despite not having free services, they do offer free HIV and Hepatitis C testing.

Southeast US

In Southeast America, there are a few clinics that offer services to transgender individuals. However, there aren’t any clinics that are free. These clinics have some free services such as HIV and STI testing.

Magic City Wellness

Location: Birmingham, Alabama

This Birmingham clinic is an LGBTQ healthcare that offers primary care, Hormone Replacement Therapy, PrEP counseling, and free STI testing for transgender individuals. In addition, they have support groups for the LGBTQ community. The majority of major insurance plans and cash payments are accepted.

Five Horizons Health Services

Location: Tuscaloosa, Alabama

Like most LGBTQ friendly clinics, Five Horizons Health Services has free HIV testing and a robust STI prevention program. Though they don’t have any specific programs for transgender individuals, they do have STI and HIV prevention programs that are inclusive to the LGBTQ community. Five Horizons Health Services also has programs that are directed to African American women and Latinx communities. These tests are available at low-costs or for free.

Medical Advocacy & Outreach

Location: Montgomery, Alabama

Medical Advocacy & Outreach have numerous LGBTQ services. They offer HIV testing and education, special treatments, and mental health counseling for the LGBTQ community.

Thrive Alabama

Location:

Huntsville, Alabama     
Albertville, Alabama
Florence, Alabama

They offer affordable care to the LGBTQ community which includes PrEP prescriptions and free HIV testing. Thrive Alabama also has an Affordable Care Act specialist that assists patients in enrolling and figuring out their healthcare.

Crescent Care Sexual Health Center

Location: New Orleans, Lousiana

Crescent Care was named a “Leader in LGBTQ Healthcare Equality” by the Humans Right Campaign. They provide STI and HIV testing and treatment services. Their testing services are free. In regards to trans-specific healthcare, they offer gynecological screenings, behavioral health services, hormone treatment, primary care, and much more. Crescent Care is also quite inclusive to people from various financial backgrounds — they have a sliding discount and accept a variety of plans.

Northeastern United States

Our research found six trans-friendly clinics in the Northeastern U.S. These clinics are fairly affordable with some being free. On top of offering STI and HIV services, these LGBTQ institutions also provide trans-specific care.

Apicha Community Health Center

Location: New York City, New York

In addition to offering HIV and STI testing and treatment, this clinic offers transgender primary care, hormone therapy, and referrals to necessary surgeries. They also offer transgender group therapy. Apicha also is notable for their pledge of not refusing any patients due to income and their ability to afford care.

Callen-Lorde Community Health Center

Location: Bronx, New York City, New York

Callen-Lorde is a community health center that has a focus on LGBTQ and women issues. They have a transgender healthcare program that includes hormone therapy, HIV/AIDs care, mental health counseling, STI screening,  primary care, and more. Callen-Lorde offers complimentary sexual health clinic and has a sliding-scale payment system while accepting a diversity of insurance plans.

Alder Health

Location: Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

As the only LGBTQ health center in a 120-mile radius of Harrisburg, Alder Health offers STI and HIV testing, PrEP education, and a holistic transgender health program. These services include hormone therapy, PAP treatments, behavioral health, and more. They provide free HIV & STI testing and treatment.

Equality Health Center

Location: Concord, New Hampshire

Equality Health Center provides hormone therapy and LGBTQ-specific health services like PrEP, STI testing and treatment, and more. In addition, they also accept a range of insurance options and have a sliding scale option for uninsured patients.  

Penobscot Community Health Care

Location: Multiple cities in Maine

The Humans Rights Campaign has been regarded Penobscot Community Health Care as a “Leader in LGBT Healthcare Equality” for eight consistent years. They have resources on coming out to your doctor and how to deal with contracting the HIV virus. In addition, they have a sliding fee program that assists people who can’t necessarily afford care.

Whitman-Walker’s Sexual Health & Wellness Clinic

Location: Washington D.C.

There are numerous Whitman-Walker clinics across our nation’s capital. They offer a  range of transgender services like gender affirming services, hormone therapy, and HIV care and testing. This clinic advertises itself as a “safe, respectful and affirming environment” for transgender individuals. Most of their services aren’t free but they do offer free HIV and STI testing and treatment.

Midwestern United States

There are a handful of trans-friendly clinics in the Midwest. These clinics offer a diversity of services ranging from counseling to assisting with hormone therapy and have a variety of payment options.

The Boulder Valley Women’s Health Center

Location: Boulder, Colorado

This health center has ensured that transgender and non-binary individuals feel safe and included. They offer hormone therapy, referrals to gender confirmation surgery, and counseling. On top of that, they have STI testing. Though they offer free HIV testing, their services aren’t free but they have a sliding fee scale system and accept a range of insurance plans.

The Chicago Women’s Health Center

Location: Chicago, Illinois

The Chicago Women’s Health Center has had a robust trans-focused health program since 2009. They offer gynecological services, counseling, hormone therapy, and primary care. As a community-based center, they welcome feedback from transgender individuals on how to improve their services. They also offer a sliding-scale payment system, ensuring that their services are widely accessible.

The Howard Brown Health Center

Location: Chicago, Illinois

The Howard Brown Health Center offers numerous services for transgender and gender non-conforming individuals such as hormone therapy, HIV & STI testing, pharmacy services, specialized screenings, and more. They also have support groups for Chicago’s transgender population. For people who have no insurance and are low income, they have a sliding-scale payment system.   

The KC Care Clinic

Location: Kansas City, Missouri

The KC Care Clinic helps transgender individuals find “gender-affirming surgical providers.” In addition,  they also offer primary care, behavioral health services, and hormone therapy. On top of that, they provide free HIV testing. They advertise how “you will never be denied healthcare if you are unable pay” on their website and have an easily accessible system for people who both have insurance and lack it.

“It can be hard to know where to start, so I’d recommend looking into the following resources online to help you find trans-friendly medical care near you:

Or, use hims’ guide to search for trans-friendly clinics by region.”

Why Is There So Little Help For Women With Sexual Dysfunction

(But Plenty For Men)?

By Natalie Gil

It’s not just that we’re having less sex – problems between the sheets (or wherever you have sex) are common, even among young people, if countless surveys, problem pages and pieces of anecdotal evidence are to be believed. The most recent National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles (Natsal) quizzed more than 15,000 British people about their sex lives and found that 42% of men and 51% of women had experienced at least one sexual problem for three months or longer in the previous year; and the figures for 16-21-year-olds weren’t much lower (34% of men and 44% of women).

Evidently, women of all ages are more likely to experience sexual dysfunction than men, with symptoms ranging from a lack of interest in sex to painful intercourse and difficulties climaxing – but studies of male sexual dysfunction vastly outnumber those on issues that affect women, whose needs are frequently neglected by the scientific community, many experts believe

Because many of women’s sexual dysfunction symptoms are psychological – such as diminished arousal, a lack of enjoyment during sex, feeling anxious during sex and difficulty reaching orgasm – treatment is often more complex than it is for men, whose issues can often be solved with a single drug: Viagra. This is according to Dr David Goldmeier, consultant in sexual medicine at St Mary’s Hospital and chair of the British Association for Sexual Health and HIV’s sexual dysfunction special interest group.

“Up until recently there were no medications for low desire in women,” he explains. “Giving women sildenafil (Viagra) does engorge the genitalia, but this does not translate to increased desire. Desire in women is much more of a primarily cerebral event.” However, hope is on the horizon for women, Dr Goldmeier adds: “There are two candidate medications that may appear in the UK at some time that address this: flibanserin and bremelanotide.”

In the absence of drugs to treat their sexual problems, many women turn to their NHS doctor or sexual health clinics. But government cuts to these services in recent years and a general lack of specialist training among health professionals means that women are left with few places to turn

“There is little money in the NHS [and] treating women’s sexual issues is time consuming. It has been neglected really because of lack of resources,” Dr Goldmeier explains. “Psychological therapies are the mainstay for low desire and other female problems. These are time and personnel expensive and require specialist units. [Whereas] GPs can easily hand out male medications.”

A lack of interest in sex (low libido) (34%), difficulty reaching orgasm (16%), an uncomfortable or dry vagina (13%), and a lack of sexual enjoyment (12%) are the most common issues women experience in the bedroom, according to the most recent Natsal statistics, with over a fifth of women (22.4%) experiencing two or more of these symptoms. Painful sex – which can be caused by conditions such as vaginismus, endometriosis and lichen sclerosus, and hormonal changes – is also an issue for 7.5% of women.

Dr Leila Frodsham, consultant gynaecologist and lead for psychosexual services at Guy’s and St Thomas’ hospital, says women who have given birth within six months and those going through the perimenopause, are particularly susceptible to painful sex as a result of reduced oestrogen levels. But these groups can also “feel reluctant to talk about sex with their specialists,” so the issue may be even higher than suspected. “Some say that sexual difficulties are only relevant if they last for six months or longer… In reality, it can take longer than six months for most to access specialist help

Around a fifth of referrals to gynaecology clinics are for sexual pain, Dr Frodsham explains. “Women with sexual difficulties will most commonly be referred to gynaecologists. They are unlikely to have had specialist training in this area.”

Many women with sexual difficulties are learning to adapt their sex lives accordingly – by accepting that they won’t reach orgasm through intercourse because of anorgasmia, or by diverting their focus away from climax as an end goal entirely, for instance. But others are coming up with alternative ways to address the issue and improve understanding on women’s sexual experiences. Twenty-two-year-old Caroline Spiegel, the younger sister of Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel, last month launched a non-visual porn platform for women after experiencing sexual difficulties during her junior year at Stanford University, which arose from an eating disorder

“I started to do a lot of research into sexual dysfunction cures,” Spiegel told TechCrunch. “There are about 30 FDA-approved drugs for sexual dysfunction for men but zero for women, and that’s a big bummer.” In the absence of adequate medical help for women with problems in the bedroom, Spiegel hopes that Quinn, her platform of erotic stories and sexy audio clips, will inject some fleeting pleasure into their lives.

Others are breaking the taboo with comedy. Fran Bushe’s new musical comedy Ad Libido at London’s Soho Theatre, which runs from 7th-11th May after a sellout Edinburgh run last year, explores Bushe’s own experience of sexual dysfunction through her past and present sexual experiences – including men who offer their ‘magic penis’ to fix her, dubious remarks from medical professionals, dangerous remedies and gadgets, and even a sex camp that the writer attended “after feeling as if there was no help available,” as she told the Guardian recently</a

Some argue that the narrative about women’s sexual health has been hijacked by pharmaceutical companies to sell their products, and that given how common the symptoms of female sexual dysfunction are, the ‘condition’ shouldn’t be classed as a medical issue at all. “In contemporary sexual culture, it seems the line between dissatisfaction and dysfunction is increasingly blurred,” wrote journalist Sarah Hosseini last year.

“Women with any level of sexual decline or discontent have been cleverly convinced they are defective and need treatment. As such, feminists and clinicians have started to question the possibility that [female sexual dysfunction] was constructed by pharmaceutical companies through inflated epidemiology and our culture’s sexual illiteracy.”

Complete Article HERE!

Talking about safe sex is the best foreplay

College students need to prioritize safe sex and educate themselves on STIs

By Payton Saso

Most people learned about the basics of sex education growing up — or at least heard the slogan “wrap it before you tap it.” Yet it seems college students have forgotten this slogan and are not practicing safe sex.

Women, when having male partners, are often expected to be on a method of birth control, and while many women rely on birth control — some 60% — that is not the only concern for both partners when having sex.

For some sexual partners, the idea of safe sex may be directly correlated with being on the pill, and many forget pregnancy isn’t the only risk of unsafe sex. But sexually transmitted infections are a risk for all parties engaging in sexual activities, and college-aged people are at higher risk of contracting these types of diseases.

Since this age group is at the most risk, it is important for them to practice all forms of safe sex, which means consistently using condoms and other forms of contraceptives.

Many people choose not use condoms in long-term relationships because they know their partner’s sexual history and have been previously tested. But in college, sexual experiences are more than often outside of relationships and sexual history is not discussed. Statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention about STIs found that, “Young women (ages 15-24) account for nearly half (45 percent) of reported cases and face the most severe consequences of an undiagnosed infection.”

A study from researchers Elizabeth M. Farrington, David C. Bell and Aron E. DiBacco looked into the reasons why people reject condoms and stated that, “Many reported objections to condom use seem to be related to anticipated reductions in pleasure and enjoyment, often through ‘ruining the moment’ or ‘inhibiting spur of the moment sex.’”

Taking a few seconds to put on a condom is not something that will ruin the experience, especially if it means protecting yourself from STIs, considering some infections are life-threatening.

Protection does not always mean using a condom, and even condoms must be used properly to prevent risk of tear. Planned Parenthood stated, “It’s also harder to use condoms correctly and remember other safer sex basics when you’re drunk or high.”

In same sex relationships, protection is just as important. Research found that, “Among women, a gay identity was associated with decreased risk while among men, a gay identity among behaviorally bisexual males was associated with increased STI risk.”

Condoms might be the first thing that comes to mind when thinking about protection, but there are many other options for birth control that can help prevent contracting a STI, and it’s important to talk with your partner about which method or methods with which you’re both comfortable.

Dr. Candace Black, a lecturer at the School of Social and Behavioral Sciences, just finished conducting research on the practices of safe sex and said that often the lack of condom usage comes from a lack of sexual education.

“I don’t have data on this so it is anecdotal, young women are really targeted for sex education when it does occur and so it attributes to ideas like (they are more exposed to ideas like) STIs, condom use and birth control. I think collectively we spend a lot of time teaching young girls about sex education and prevention, which I think is wonderful,” Black said. “I have not observed a parallel effort for young men. And so in my observation, again this is just kind of anecdotal, the young men don’t have the same kind of sex education as far as risk factors, as far as pregnancy as far as all of that. There is a gender disparity as far as access to sex education.”

According to the American Addiction Center, when someone’s inhibitions are lowered due to alcohol, many are “at risk for an unwanted and unplanned pregnancy or for contracting a sexually transmitted (STD) or infectious disease.”

“You have to look beyond the current circumstances of people and consider access to sexual education which is seriously lacking in a lot of places, and in particular Arizona. The sex education isn’t great,” Black said. “There are various nonprofits that try and fill that service gap and provide adolescents and kids with sex education, but there is still a significant need.”

Not properly educating young people on the risk factors surrounding unsafe sex leads to these problems in the future when students are given more freedom in college. This often results in students not prioritizing thorough sexual health, but it should be on the minds of all sexually active students.

In the long run, it’s easier — and safer — to have sex with a condom than to deal with all the repercussions that can come from not using one.

Complete Article HERE!

Better Sex Starts in your Gut

By Dr. Edison de Mello

“There’s a Connection Between Your Gut Health and Your Sex Life”

What are the most common causes of low libido?

Libido and sexual arousal is, for the most part, grounded on intimacy involving the interaction of several components, including physical trust, belief system emotional well-being, previous experiences, self-esteem, physical attraction, lifestyle and current relationship.

In addition, a wide range of illnesses, such as thyroid disease, arthritis, diabetes, neurological disorders, hormonal changes and physical changes, such as High blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, menopause in women, andropause in men and pain during intercourse can cause low sex drive and/or inability to reach an orgasm. Medications, prescribed or over the counter, can also kill one’s libido.

What’s one cause that’s really surprising?  Great Sex too starts in Your gut!

“All disease begins in the gut.”  Hippocrates

Although most us do not necessarily think of our intestines or bad gut bacteria when we think of possible causes of low libido, an imbalance of Gut bacteria (microbiome) is more often than not, a significant cause of decreased sexual arousal. This is in addition to the more commonly known GI related causes, such as bloating, gas, acid reflux, bad breath, diarrhea, etc. In fact, because the gut contains billions of bacteria, the gastrointestinal tract, also known as the gut system, plays a major physical factor that has many unexpected effects on our ability to respond and perform sexually. The truth is that “gut bacteria is to our digestion and metabolism what a beehive is to honey”: Good working hive = great honey; well balanced gut bacteria = optimized gastrointestinal function and better sex! Gut bacteria are also responsible for producing hormones, enzymes, and neurotransmitters such as serotonin, which are essential for sexual health.

And then there is lifestyle…. although a glass of wine can get both men and women in the “mood” for sex, too much alcohol can actually have the opposite effect and not only kill your libido, but make you sleep, which can be devastating to intimacy.

10 Reasons Why you may not have a healthy gut?

  1. Bad diet (sugar and processed food based diet)
  2. Digestive Health: Unbalanced gut bacteria and lack of good probiotics
  3. Overuse antibiotics and other medications
  4. Sedentary life style
  5. Disease, including autoimmune.
  6. Mental Health and Mood.
  7. Low/ unbalanced Hormone.
  8. Vaginal Health/prostate issues
  9. Weight proportionate to height issues
  10. Decreased physical, mental and emotional energy

5 initial Steps to Take to Have Better Sex

  1. Balance your gut health,
  2. Eat a healthy diet and moderate your alcohol intake
  3. Exercise more often
  4. Do you inventory of your relationship: Are you really happy or just pretending that you are?
  5. Work on your self-esteem and body image, if applicable.

5 Ways how your partner can help you get there:

  1. Love you unconditionally
  2. Help you feel that intimacy is more than just having sex
  3. Encourage you to make the changes outlined here –  free of judgment, and instead assuring you that yes, you can.
  4. Be the change that he/she expects of you
  5. Not make sex so serious… have fun with it.

Other 10 possible causes of low libido:

  1. Mental health problems, such as anxiety or depression
  2. Stress, such as financial stress or work stress
  3. Poor body image
  4. Low self-esteem
  5. History of physical or sexual abuse
  6. Previous negative sexual experiences
  7. Lack of connection with the partner
  8. Unresolved conflicts or fights
  9. Poor communication of sexual needs and preferences
  10. Infidelity or breach of trust

Complete Article HERE!

Let’s Talk About (Depressed) Sex

What to do when you have trouble maintaining a healthy romantic life while dealing with depression

By

For people who have depression, even the most basic activities can seem daunting—and that includes sex. But because both depression and sexual problems are things that are difficult to talk about, even with intimate partners, the issues surrounding having sex while dealing with depression often wind up being ignored. As mental health advocate and writer JoEllen Notte puts it: “It’s the intersection of two taboo topics.” And it can lead to even more problems relating to a person’s mental and physical well-being.

Notte breaks the negative sex experience that comes with depression into two categories: loss of interest and side effects of medication. Notte says about the former: “I tend to reinterpret [it] as ‘everything seems incredibly hard and not worth doing’… Not wanting to be touched, and not wanting to deal with people.” While that applies to people who have depression and both are and aren’t on medication, the side effects specific to medication are a significant problem, too, and include, Notte says, “erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness, genital numbness, delayed orgasm, and what’s usually referred to as ‘lost libido.'”

This loss of libido is symptomatic of a larger problem of depression: anhedonia, which Dr. Sheila Addison, a licensed marital and family therapist, tells me is “a loss of pleasure in ordinary things.” One of the things people with depression do to combat anhedonia is try to self-medicate and force pleasure, including through sex. Addison explains, “People with depression sometimes wind up chasing ‘peak’ experiences, little bursts of endorphins that seem to cut through the depression for a moment, but it’s a short-term fix for a long-term problem. And if it turns into having sex that they don’t really want, hoping to feel better, it can contribute to feelings of emptiness and self-loathing.”

The best thing to do when dealing with depression is to seek out a doctor, but even if you are comfortable seeking out help for depression, it can be difficult to broach the topic of sexual health, without feeling anxious. As Notte points out, “So many people have had bad experiences with doctors not wanting to deal with [sex] or prioritizing it as a topic.” My own doctor’s flippancy toward the subject was enough to shut me down for months, and it seems like this is all too common, leading to further stigmatization of this sensitive topic. Notte says, “All of the data that says these [sexual] side effects don’t happen is skewed, because people aren’t reporting them.”

Nevertheless, each person I talked to stressed that even though it’s difficult, if you are having issues with sex and experience depression, talk to a doctor first. Addison says that online forums can be the source of “a lot of unsolicited advice, pseudoscientific ‘cures,’ and supposed remedies that will lighten your wallet more than your mood.” And if you find the first doctor to be unsympathetic to your problems, then look for another one.

But how to find the right doctor? Notte recommends looking for keywords like “sex-positive” and “trauma-informed,” as it often means they’ll be more willing to discuss sexual issues or at least be able to point you in the right direction to someone who could. Addison herself is a member of LGBTQ Psychotherapy organization GAYLESTA and listed amongst kink-friendly professionals. These keywords tend to suggest the doctor has a more nuanced, whole-body approach to understanding and treating mental illness, but, of course, it may take a bit of searching to find someone whose methods you are comfortable with.

Once you find a doctor with whom you’re comfortable talking, you can also utilize them when you want to talk with your partner about any problems you might be having with regards to sex. “People often don’t know that you can bring anyone with you to your doctor visit if you want,” Addison points out. “Sometimes it’s easier to have the doctor talk directly to your partner because it’s not so personal.” Addison advises that the partner who isn’t experiencing depression seek care as well, saying, “Get support for yourself, from a therapist or from a group for partners of people with mental illness. Take good care of yourself, physically and emotionally

The main theme here, as with any taboo topics, is that talking about them is key, and the only way to remove the stigma. It’s particularly apt in this situation, though, as conversation, and communication in general, are also at the core of maintaining healthy romantic and sexual relationships no matter what your mental state.

But even though we know we should communicate openly, it can be difficult to get started. That’s why Allison Moon, sex educator and author of Girl Sex 101, recommends beginning conversations with “I statements” when breaching the topic of sexual issues. “It’s easy for people to catastrophize when partners bring up sexual issues, and they may be tempted to take responsibility for the issues of their partners,” Moon says. “It’s a good idea to use extra care when explaining one’s own experience, and be clear that the partner isn’t at fault or causing anything.” When considering the problem as a whole, Notte advises a team mentality for couples. She says, “What happens a lot is it gets treated as an issue of the healthy partner versus the other partner and their depression, and if we can be couples who are working on one team while the depression is on the other team, it’s a much healthier dynamic.”

Moon also recommends “speaking in concretes” when describing the ways depression affects your life and sexual experience to your partner. “Because mental health is so individuated, saying something like, ‘I have depression’ doesn’t always convey what one intends. Instead, I suggest discussing how something like depression manifests in a way the partner can understand. For instance, rather than saying ‘Depression makes me insecure,’ you could say, ‘Sometimes I need extra verbal validation from you. Can you tell me you find me sexy and wonderful? Can you remind me that I’m a good person?'”

Describing symptoms associated with depression can be difficult, though, and Notte often advises individuals to use what she refers to as “accessible” resources (“things that are not scary, that are not medical journals”) to work on coming to a mutual understanding of what you are going through. “Find things that are the language you and your partner speak,” she says; she sends her own partner comic strips and had them play Depression Quest, a role-playing game in which you navigate tasks as a person with depression.

We treat mental health very different than physical health,” Notte points out, adding, “If I were dating somebody and I had diabetes and wanted them to know I’d have to inject myself with insulin at some point, I wouldn’t have to be embarrassed to tell them that.” As with any disease, depression shouldn’t be treated as a liability in dating, and people who would treat it as such are not worth your time. Addison tells me, “Anybody who’s going to make you feel bad or weird about how your body works, does not deserve access to it. Disability rights folks have taught me, don’t apologize for how your body works or feel like you need to make someone else feel okay with you. If they can’t handle you, they can’t get with you.”

But that doesn’t mean it will always be easy—for either of you. So being present with your feelings and communicating them to your partner is vital. Moon says, “When you notice something coming up for you, whether it’s an emotion, a sensation, or a memory, practice giving it attention and letting it give you information.” Perhaps there is a “need attached to the emotion that you can turn into a request,” like needing more lube, or a moment to process your feelings before hooking up, etc. “If you notice that you’re going to cry, for instance, you can mention that so it doesn’t scare your partner,” Moon suggests. “Saying something like, ‘I’m having a great time, but I’m noticing some sadness come up. So if I start to cry, that’s okay, you’re not doing anything wrong. I’ll let you know if I want to stop, but I don’t want to right now.'”

Likewise, Addison recommends acknowledging the experience in the moment in a way that reassures your sexual partner that you don’t blame them for what’s happening. You can do this, she suggests, by saying something like: “This is just a thing my body does sometimes, and I”m not worried about it, so you shouldn’t worry about it either. Thanks for understanding. And I’m really enjoying [kissing you] so let’s do more of that.”

While the physical manifestations of depression in sexual relationships cannot be solved by medication, Notte recommends “workarounds” to address your specific sexual issue. Notte recommends using lubricants and not shying away from toys if experiencing anorgasmia, genital numbness, or erectile dysfunction. Exploring these types of options are especially great for people whose depression-related sexual problems manifest as specifically physical.

While all of this information is important for people with depression, it’s also essential for the partners who don’t have depression to understand how to respond in these situations. Addison tells me the best way is the simplest—nothing more than a “thanks for letting me know.” She explains, “Viewing someone as broken, or suffering, or in need of special treatment, is actually a poor way to approach sexual intimacy. If someone trusts you enough to let you know what’s going on with them, appreciate the gift that has been given to you, and treat it accordingly, with respect. [If your partner says,] ‘I don’t come through intercourse, and I might or might not finish myself off afterward,’ it is not an invitation for you to try to complete the Labors of Hercules to prove what an awesome lover you are. It’s information for you to let you know how this person’s body works, so be grateful that they trusted you enough to share something private with you, and act accordingly.”

And, she points out, “There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your climax when you’re with someone who’s said, ‘I probably won’t get off, but it’s still fun for me.'” Above all, Addison states, “Treat them like the expert on their own body, and you’ll be on the right track.”

Of course, finding people who will do that, especially at the beginning of a relationship or when dating around, can be difficult, but Addison advises to “decide what you’re looking for and what you’re willing to do or not do in order to get it… then screen your dates accordingly.” Finding someone who is comfortable with and respectful of your depression and sexual issues is a trait that can be filtered right in with your usual set of dating criteria. Addison says, “If you say, ‘Hey, I have medication that means I probably won’t come, and I’m looking for a partner who won’t be hung up about it—are you cool with that?’ and they try to inform you about how they’re going to be the one who makes you scream down the rafters, that’s a good reason to swipe left.” After all, she explains, “You can’t fuck somebody out of depression with your Magic Penis or Magic Vagina.”

If you or a loved one are seeking out further information about experiencing the sexual side effects of depression, seek out a psychologist or psychotherapist near you, and remember, as Addison says, “The only people who deserve to get close to you are people who can understand your needs and treat you with appropriate respect and care.”

Complete Article HERE!

For survivors, breast cancer can threaten another part of their lives: sexual intimacy

By Barbara Sadick

Jill was just 39 in July 2010 when she was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. Her longtime boyfriend had felt a lump in her right breast. Two weeks later, she had a mastectomy and began chemotherapy. The shock, stress, fatigue and treatment took its toll on the relationship, and her boyfriend left.

“That’s when I began to realize that breast cancer was not only threatening my life, but would affect me physically, emotionally and sexually going forward,” said Jill, a library specialist in Denver who asked that her last name not be used to protect her privacy.

When someone gets a breast cancer diagnosis, intimacy and sexuality usually take a back seat to treatment and survival and often are ignored entirely, said Catherine Alfano, vice president of survivorship at the American Cancer Society. Doctors often don’t talk with their patients about what to expect sexually during and after treatment, and patients can be hesitant to bring up these issues, she said.

Among the common problems that the cancer treatment can cause are decreased sex drive, arousal issues and pain when having sex, and body image issues (if there has been such surgery as a mastectomy), Alfano said. Many of these problems are treatable, but only if a patient speaks up. That way, the clinician can refer the person to specialists versed in physical or psychological therapy for cancer survivors or health specialists familiar with the useful medications and creams.

According to the National Cancer Institute, about 15.5 million cancer survivors live in the United States. Of those, 3.5 million had breast cancer.

Sharon Bober, a Dana-Farber Cancer Institute psychologist and sex therapist, said the biggest problems couples and single women face after breast cancer are the surprises that unfold sexually. She said chemotherapy and hormone suppression therapy can send women abruptly into menopause or exacerbate previous menopausal symptoms, such as vaginal dryness, pain with intercourse and stinging, burning and irritation. Many women are also surprised to discover that breasts reconstructed after a mastectomy have no sensation.

Betty and Willem Bezemer. Betty, 72, had been diagnosed with breast cancer at age 50. Throughout her treatment, her husband kept her spirits up. The couple maintained their intimacy by continuing their habits together, such as dancing and soaking in bubble baths.
Couples, Bober said, often can benefit from working with a sex therapist trained in breast cancer issues. “It takes time and practice, especially in the face of permanent changes such as loss of sensation or body alterations,” she said. “Women need to become comfortable in their bodies again.”

Amber Lukaart, 35, was diagnosed in 2016 with invasive ductal carcinoma in her right breast. She had no family history of the disease and found the lump herself. She had been working at the Center for Women’s Sexual Health in Grand Rapids, Mich., helping survivors navigate their sexual issues — work that turned out to help her, too.

Her treatment was 16 rounds of chemotherapy, a partial mastectomy of her right breast, 20 rounds of radiation that left the skin on her chest raw and inflamed, and six months of a hormone blocker to protect her ovaries so she could have children in the future.

These treatments affected her sexuality and marriage. The first time she and her husband had sex after the treatments was horribly painful because of dryness. The pain, plus fear of cancer recurrence and death, put a halt to their attempt to reconnect emotionally. At the same time, the partial mastectomy and radiation left her breast looking malformed. She said she felt self-conscious and uncomfortable about it.

She turned to people she knew from her work and felt lucky to have the support.

“I understood immediately that I was in a unique position to help myself and my husband understand and communicate to each other the questions and concerns we both had about our sexual relationship,” Lukaart said.

Yet even with access to sex therapists, sex counselors and treatments, Lukaart said she still felt frustrated with the relative lack of data regarding hormone use for someone like her with estrogen-receptor-positive breast cancer — which about 80 percent of all breast cancer patients have, according to the National Cancer Institute. This type of the disease causes cancer cells to grow in response to the hormones estrogen and progesterone. Hormone treatments that are standard for dryness usually cannot be used after this time of cancer. And over-the-counter remedies didn’t seem to help Lukaart.

She and the co-founder of the women’s center, Nisha McKenzie, researched nonhormonal options. They came across a laser therapy that increases the thickness and elasticity of the vaginal walls. It took three sessions but eventually Lukaart said it gave her back the ability to have a sexual relationship with her husband. Three treatments cost about $3,000 and are not covered by insurance. (Lukaart’s work at the center, which now provides laser treatment, allowed her to get the therapy for free.).

McKenzie and Lukaart are focusing their efforts to help survivors recognize that they may need to do more than just ask their doctors for advice if they want to find ways to get their lives back on track sexually.

McKenzie said several organizations can provide the names of experts who can help, including the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists and the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health.

“Women need to know,” said Lukaart, “that they have to advocate for themselves and that it’s okay to want more than just to survive cancer — it’s ok to thrive, too.”

In Jill’s case, after exhausting the help of her oncologist and other physicians, she joined a clinical study run by Kristen Carpenter, director of Women’s Behavioral Health at Ohio State University, that looks at ways of improving sexual and emotional health after breast cancer.

The study of 30 women used mind-body techniques, such as progressive muscle relaxation to help with sexual intimacy, Kegel exercises to improve pelvic floor muscle tone and cognitive behavioral therapy to help them rethink negative, self-directed thoughts.

The group also had discussions about assertiveness training, communication techniques to use with partners, sexual positions, and aids that may improve comfort and pleasure.

“We laughed, cried and learned from each other’s struggles and stresses in a warm and understanding environment,” Jill said. “and it helped give me the tools for communicating my needs and challenges and to be aware that psychological and physiological interventions are available.”

A supportive partner can ease the problems of breast cancer survivors.

Betty Bezemer, 72, had been diagnosed with breast cancer at age 50. Throughout her treatment, her husband kept her spirits up. The couple maintained their intimacy by not only discussing what was happening but also continuing their habits together, such as dancing and soaking in bubble baths.

Bezemer said their relationship never suffered. And, with the help of lubricants and other remedies, they found ways to be closer sexually and otherwise.

“My husband always made me feel that he had fallen in love with my head and heart and not just my breasts,” said Bezemer, who now serves on the Houston board of the breast cancer organization Susan G. Komen.

“Obstacles may not be easy to overcome, but women need to understand and accept that problems of intimacy and sex will often follow breast cancer treatment,” said Julie Salinger, a clinical social worker at Dana Farber. “But there are solutions, and the sooner people start to ask about them, the better, as they will only get worse by waiting.”

Complete Article HERE!

LGB people face higher risk of anxiety, depression, substance abuse

By Chrissy Sexton

Researchers at Penn State are reporting that individuals who identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual are at a higher risk for several different health problems. The experts found that sexual minorities were more prone to anxiety and depressive disorders, cardiovascular disease, and drug and alcohol abuse.

Study co-author Cara Rice explained that stress associated with discrimination and prejudice may contribute to these outcomes.

“It’s generally believed that sexual minorities experience increased levels of stress throughout their lives as a result of discrimination, microaggressions, stigma and prejudicial policies,” said Rice. “Those increased stress levels may then result in poor health in a variety of ways, like unhealthy eating or excessive alcohol use.”

Professor Stephanie Lanza said the findings shed light on health risks that have been understudied.

“Discussions about health disparities often focus on the differences between men and women, across racial and ethnic groups, or between people of different socioeconomic backgrounds,” said Professor Lanza. “However, sexual minority groups suffer substantially disproportionate health burdens across a range of outcomes including poor mental health and problematic substance use behaviors.”

It has been previously documented that sexual minorities have an increased risk of substance abuse or anxiety disorders, but Rice said that studies have not yet established whether these health risks remain constant across age.

“As we try to develop programs to prevent these disparities, it would be helpful to know which specific ages we should be targeting,” said Rice. “Are there ages where sexual minorities are more at risk for these health disparities, or are the disparities constant across adulthood?”

The investigation was focused on data from over 30,000 participants in the National Epidemiologic Survey of Alcohol and Related Conditions-III, who were between the ages of 18 and 65. The survey collected information about alcohol, tobacco, and drug use, as well as any history of depression, anxiety, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), or cardiovascular disease.

To analyze the data, the researchers used a method developed at Penn State called time-varying effect modeling.

“Using the time-varying effect model, we revealed specific age periods at which sexual minority adults in the U.S. were more likely to experience various poor health outcomes, even after accounting for one’s sex, race or ethnicity, education level, income, and region of the country in which they reside,” explained Professor Lanza.

Overall, sexual minorities were found to be more likely to experience all of the health outcomes. For example, these individuals had about twice the risk of anxiety, depression, and STIs in the previous year compared to heterosexuals.

The experts also determined that risks for some health problems were higher at different ages. An increased risk for anxiety and depression was highest among sexual minorities in their early twenties, while an increased risk for poor cardiovascular health was higher in their forties and fifties.

“We also observed that odds of substance use disorders remained constant across age for sexual minorities, while in the general population they tend to be concentrated in certain age groups,” said Rice. “We saw that sexual minorities were more likely to have these substance use disorders even in their forties and fifties when we see in the general population that drug use and alcohol use start to taper off.”

Rice said the results of the study could potentially be used to develop programs to help prevent these health problems before they start.

“A necessary first step was to understand how health disparities affecting sexual minorities vary across age,” said Rice. “These findings shed light on periods of adulthood during which intervention programs may have the largest public health impact. Additionally, future studies that examine possible drivers of these age-varying disparities, such as daily experiences of discrimination, will inform the development of intervention content that holds promise to promote health equity for all people.”

The study is published in the journal Annals of Epidemiology.

Complete Article HERE!

Orgasmic dysfunction:

Everything you need to know

By Jenna Fletcher

Orgasmic dysfunction is when a person has trouble reaching an orgasm despite sexual arousal and stimulation.

In this article, learn about the causes and symptoms of orgasmic dysfunction and how to treat it.

What is orgasmic dysfunction?

Orgasmic dysfunction is the medical term for difficulty reaching an orgasm despite sexual arousal and stimulation.

Orgasms are the intensely pleasurable feelings of release and involuntary pelvic floor contractions that occur at the height of sexual arousal. Orgasmic dysfunction is also known as anorgasmia.

There are several different types of orgasmic dysfunction, including:

  • Primary orgasmic dysfunction, when a person has never had an orgasm.
  • Secondary orgasmic dysfunction, when a person has had an orgasm but then has difficulty experiencing one.
  • General orgasmic dysfunction, when a person cannot reach orgasm in any situation despite adequate arousal and stimulation.
  • Situational orgasmic dysfunction, when a person cannot orgasm in certain situations or with certain kinds of stimulation. This type of orgasmic dysfunction is the most common.

Orgasmic dysfunction can affect both males and females but is more common in females. Researchers estimate that female orgasmic disorder, which is recurrent orgasmic dysfunction, may affect between 11 to 41 percent of women.

The North American Menopause Society report that 5 percent of all women have difficulty achieving orgasm.

Research from 2018 found that 18.4 percent of women could reach an orgasm through intercourse alone. However, the same study indicated another 36.6 percent of women needed clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm during intercourse.

Orgasmic dysfunction can affect the quality of people’s relationships, as well as a person’s self-esteem and mental health.

Symptoms

Orgasmic dysfunction is when someone has difficulty or the inability to reach an orgasm. For some people, reaching a climax can take longer than normal or be unsatisfying.

The way an orgasm feels or how long it takes to have an orgasm can vary widely. When someone has orgasmic dysfunction, climax can take a long time to reach, be unsatisfying, or be unattainable.

Causes

Scientists are not sure what causes orgasmic dysfunction, but believe the following factors may contribute to the problem:

 
  • relationship issues
  • certain medical conditions, such as diabetes
  • a history of gynecological surgeries
  • some medications, including antidepressants
  • a history of sexual abuse
  • religious and cultural beliefs about sex and sexuality
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • low self-esteem

Also, women over 45 years of age are more likely to have trouble orgasming than women under this age. This may be due to menopause-related hormonal shifts and vaginal changes.

Once someone experiences difficulty reaching an orgasm, they may experience increased stress in sexual situations. Stress and anxiety during sex can make it even more difficult to reach an orgasm.

Diagnosis

Before diagnosing orgasmic dysfunction, a doctor will likely ask about a person’s symptoms and how long they have existed.

The doctor will also note any factors that could contribute to orgasmic dysfunction, such as underlying health conditions or the medications a person is taking.

A doctor may do a physical examination as well. In some cases, they may refer a person to a sexual medicine specialist or a gynecologist.

Treatment

Treatment for orgasmic dysfunction varies, depending on the underlying cause. A doctor may recommend treating any other conditions or adjusting any medications that may contribute to sexual health problems.

In many cases, a doctor may recommend a person who has orgasmic dysfunction try sex therapy or couples counseling.

A certified sex therapist can offer psychotherapy that focuses on concerns related to sexual function, feelings, or dysfunctions. Sex therapy can be done on an individual basis or with a partner.

Couples counseling focuses on relationship issues that may be affecting an individual’s sexual function and their ability to orgasm.

In some cases, a doctor or therapist may suggest a person try other forms of sexual stimulation to reach orgasm, such as masturbation or increased clitoral stimulation during intercourse. For others, they may recommend over-the-counter oils and warming lotions.

Hormone therapy may be effective for some females, particularly if the inability to orgasm coincided with the start of menopause.

In these cases, a doctor may suggest the woman tries an estrogen cream, patch, or pill. The estrogen may alleviate some menopause symptoms and improve sexual response.

Summary

Orgasmic dysfunction is the medical name for the inability to reach orgasm. Some people may experience orgasmic dysfunction when it takes too long to reach orgasm or when their orgasm does not feel satisfying.

Many factors can contribute to orgasmic dysfunction. To remedy orgasmic dysfunction, a person can speak to a doctor, a certified sex therapist, and other medical professionals to find the cause.

People can take steps to treat orgasmic dysfunction and improve their sexual health once they know the cause.

Complete Article HERE!

How Alcohol Impacts Your Sex Life

By GiGi Engle

The situation looks something like this: You’re out with on a date, the drinks are flowing and you’re feeling decidedly frisky. Somewhere between your third drink and that Cardi B song you love, you decide your date is definitely coming home with you.

Once you get there, you are both ready and willing to get in the groove. Unfortunately, your body is not as enthusiastic as your brain. You still want to have sex, but no matter how much you rub your clitoris, it is not down for the count. You’re on an endless plateau and no orgasms can be found.

Alcohol has loosened your inhibitions, but it has also taken the wind out of your sails. The situation is … not great.

So, why do we drink when we’re out partying, on dates, or with hanging with friends? What impact does alcohol have on sex, orgasm, and libido? Here is what we know.

Alcohol can act as social lubricant
While alcohol and sex don’t always mix well, it can act as a social lubricant, easing tension in social situations. When you’re trying to get some action, a couple of drinks can make the initial awkwardness less overwhelming, “The only possibilities for positive effects is for alcohol to create a feeling of less self-consciousness and to reduce inhibitions,” says Felice Gersh, M.D., OB/GYN, and founder/director of the Integrative Medical Group of Irvine, CA.

This is why we often feel sexy and in the mood after we’ve had a couple glasses of wine, our nerves are settled and we feel freer. “For women, moderate alcohol intake may increase libido and reduce anxiety or inhibitions toward sex,” addes Dr. Anika Ackerman, MD, a New Jersey based urologist.

Boozy vaginas are dry vaginas
Have you ever heard of Whiskey Vagina? This charming term (popularized by yours truly) refers to when you’ve had too much to drink. You start fooling around, and suddenly realize your vagina is not in on this game. Your drunk brain might be saying, “YES! I WANT TO GET IT!” but your vagina is not having it.

“Alcoholic beverages do have a negative impact on the development of sexual health,” Gersh says. “[It] can impact vital female sexual functions, such as the creation of vaginal moisture, by impacting the autonomic nervous system.”

In short, alcohol might calm you down by affecting the nervous system, but it will also dry you out for the same reasons.

Alcohol can inhibit orgasm
Drinking is all fun and games until you can’t have an orgasm. Not only has alcohol been shown to decrease natural vaginal lubrication, it increase issues with erection in men and destroys orgasm. “Alcohol can increase impotence and reduce the ability to orgasm and their intensity,” Gersh tells us.

Again, this is due to the negative impact alcohol has on the nervous system, a vital component in orgasm. Gersh says that without a normally functioning nervous system, orgasm might be off the table entirely.

Not to mention, the drunker you get, the sloppier and less coordinated you become. “The more inebriated a person becomes the more impaired they become,” Gersh says. This is both not particularly cute and overall super dangerous, especially if you’re going home with someone for the first time.

Alcohol complicates consent

Another critically important factor in this situation is consent. When you’re drunk, you don’t have ability to consent to sexual activity, according to the law. What’s more, you may be too impaired to even remember what happened the night before at all. Perhaps you didn’t even want to have sex, but were too drunk to say no. These are dark implications, but ones that need to be addressed. Sex an alcohol are a dangerous combination. And consent is an ongoing conversation.

It’s about moderation
If you want to have a glass or two of wine, that’s perfectly OK. Having a drink won’t harm you. It’s when you start pounding shots or take a bottle of wine to the face that your sex life (and life in general) will suffer consequences. So keep tabs on your intake and don’t overdo it. If you have issues with controlling your alcohol intake or have had struggles with abuse, it’s best stay away from alcohol altogether

In the end, alcohol is a big part of our social system, but when it comes to sex, the negative effects seem to outweigh any positive aspects. If you’re trying to have a screaming orgasm tonight, it might be an idea to not go overboard on the booze.

Complete Article HERE!