Category: BODY ISSUES

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5 Fruits To Help Boost Vaginal Lubrication

By Rukweve Ochuko

The habit of eating fruits frequently can help to keep the body system normalised and healthy. Nutritionists report that certain fruits can help enhance the wellbeing of hormones in the human body, which in turn, caters to some organs. This includes the heart, eyes, liver and kidney, amongst others.

The vagina is not left out. Natural lubrication of the vagina is highly driven by the hormone oestrogen and functions as an important factor in both intimate intercourse and vaginal health.

However, the vagina is a self-protector and cleanser of its insides, which means the vagina is good at cleaning and protecting itself from external factors that can lead to vaginal dryness.

When the oestrogen levels of the female genital are low, it can result in making the vaginal tissue fragile, thin and dry, making sexual intercourse painful and less enjoyable.

The usage of lubricant products can help with vaginal dryness, but elements found in some lubricants can take away the natural moisture and make the dryness worse. Therefore, it is highly recommended to use lubes that enhance vaginal hydration.

Nonetheless, taking natural healthy measures to maintain vagina wellness is recommended.

Here are 5 fruits that can help achieve that

1. Apple

The vitamins in an apple helps to boost sexual pleasure in women. According to a study in 2014, stated by Healthline, women who ate an apple at least once a day had a better sex drive. The phytoestrogen Phoridzin found in apples is presumed to serve as an enhancer for better sex functionality, lubrication, arousal and ability to orgasm.

Scientist suggests that the compound phloridzin found inside an apple is like the female sex hormone oestradiol. This hormone plays a major role in sexual arousal.

Researchers from Santa Chiara Regional Hospital in Trento, Italy are of the opinion that the more apples a woman ingests, the higher the level of sexual function and lubrication, an evaluation which takes into account all-inclusive satisfaction with sex.

More so, an apple contains antioxidants which serve as an aid to stimulate blood flow to the vagina. This causes the body to experience intimate pleasure and finally orgasm.

2. Kiwi

Kiwi is a small fruit that has a truckload of flavour and health aids for the human body system. The green flesh is full of healthy nutrients such as; potassium, vitamin K, vitamin E, folate and vitamin C, which is a healthy element for the vagina.

Frequently, the vagina cleans itself from the inside through natural secretions, also known as discharge. The discharge helps to protect the vagina from external bacteria that can be detrimental to a woman’s sexual health.

Scientists also suggest that there are bacteria in the vagina there to help fight against infections and other harmful bacteria.

Kiwi fruit contains a high level of vitamin C and antioxidants that help to boost the good bacteria in the vagina to help keep it healthy and well lubricated.

3. Strawberry

Strawberry is one fruit that has always been associated with sexy. Although tasteless when eaten raw, it is tasty when processed as a flavour for pastries, milkshakes, juice or protein shakes.

Strawberries substance is not just good for the taste buds, but also good and healthy for the vagina. The seeds in a strawberry contain a high level of zinc, which helps to improve both sexes’ sexual lives in various ways.

High consumption of zinc causes a notable decrease in vaginal dryness, which helps to prepare a woman’s body for sex. Also, Strawberries has a high level of antioxidants which promotes sexual health and fertility, because both promote blood flow to the woman sex organs.

Compared to other fruits, a strawberry is low in calories and glycemic value, which means it helps to give sustained energy.

4. Avocado

Avocados serve as a good natural remedy for skin darkening, roughness and facial pimples. The substance helps to keep the skin glowing, soft and fresh. Notwithstanding the skin treatment it provides, the large consumption of avocados helps to prevent vaginal dryness.

Avocados are also filled with Vitamin E which is a major antioxidant that helps regulate the blood flow to the vagina. It is also rich in potassium and vitamin B6 which certain studies show can decrease premenstrual syndrome symptoms like; irritability, bloating and fatigue. This can help to boost a woman’s libido and energy during sexual intercourse.

5. Orange

Orange is one of the most popular fruits nationwide, it is filled with vitamin C, which is known to have various health benefits. This includes; preventing skin damage, lowering cholesterol, controlling blood sugar level, and keeping the vagina lubricated amongst other benefits.The high level of vitamin C in orange helps to stimulate wetness of the vaginal walls to help penetration during sexual intercourse easier. It provides the body with stamina, which means it can aid in lasting long during sexual intercourse. It keeps the sex drive going well, by eradicating the free radicals that slows down the normal energy level as regards sexual health.The vitamin C content in orange is at a high rate than any other citrus fruits. One orange provides 116.2 percent of the daily value of Vitamin C. So, one orange a day can help to keep your body system and sexual drive healthy. Oranges can be consumed in their raw form or juiced, depending on how you enjoy it the most.Vaginal dryness can lead to bruising of the vaginal walls, which can cause minimal bleeding and pain during sex or after sex. When the vagina experiences are such, it can be highly uncomfortable and decrease orgasm which according to scientific studies, helps to release hormones that can provide relief from stress, improve moods, and boost immunity. It is recommended to make fruits part of your daily consumption to stay healthy.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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What Are Sperm Telling Us?

Scientists are concerned by falling sperm counts and declining egg quality. Endocrine-disrupting chemicals may be the problem.

By Nicholas Kristof

Something alarming is happening between our legs.

Sperm counts have been dropping; infant boys are developing more genital abnormalities; more girls are experiencing early puberty; and adult women appear to be suffering declining egg quality and more miscarriages.

It’s not just humans. Scientists report genital anomalies in a range of species, including unusually small penises in alligators, otters and minks. In some areas, significant numbers of fish, frogs and turtles have exhibited both male and female organs.

Four years ago, a leading scholar of reproductive health, Shanna H. Swan, calculated that from 1973 to 2011, the sperm count of average men in Western countries had fallen by 59 percent. Inevitably, there were headlines about “Spermageddon” and the risk that humans would disappear, but then we moved on to chase other shiny objects.

Now Swan, an epidemiologist at Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York, has written a book, “Count Down,” that will be published on Tuesday and sounds a warning bell. Her subtitle is blunt: “How our modern world is threatening sperm counts, altering male and female reproductive development, and imperiling the future of the human race.”

Swan and other experts say the problem is a class of chemicals called endocrine disruptors, which mimic the body’s hormones and thus fool our cells. This is a particular problem for fetuses as they sexually differentiate early in pregnancy. Endocrine disruptors can wreak reproductive havoc.

These endocrine disruptors are everywhere: plastics, shampoos, cosmetics, cushions, pesticides, canned foods and A.T.M. receipts. They often aren’t on labels and can be difficult to avoid.

“In some ways, the sperm-count decline is akin to where global warming was 40 years ago,” Swan writes. “The climate crisis has been accepted — at least by most people — as a real threat. My hope is that the same will happen with the reproductive turmoil that’s upon us.”

Chemical companies are as reckless as tobacco companies were a generation ago, or as opioid manufacturers were a decade ago. They lobby against even safety testing of endocrine disruptors, so that we have little idea if products we use each day are damaging our bodies or our children. We’re all guinea pigs.

Aside from the decline in sperm counts, growing numbers of sperm appear defective — there’s a boom in two-headed sperm — while others loll aimlessly in circles, rather than furiously swimming in pursuit of an egg. And infants who have had greater exposures to a kind of endocrine disruptor called phthalates have smaller penises, Swan found.

Uncertainty remains, research sometimes conflicts and biological pathways aren’t always clear. There are competing theories about whether the sperm count decline is real and what might cause it and about why girls appear to be reaching puberty earlier, and it’s sometimes unclear whether an increase in male genital abnormalities reflects actual rising numbers or just better reporting.

Still, the Endocrine Society, the Pediatric Endocrine Society, the President’s Cancer Panel and the World Health Organization have all warned about endocrine disruptors, and Europe and Canada have moved to regulate them. But in the United States, Congress and the Trump administration seemed to listen more to industry lobbyists than to independent scientists.

Patricia Ann Hunt, a reproductive geneticist at Washington State University, has conducted experiments on mice showing that the impact of endocrine disruptors is cumulative, generation after generation. When infant mice were exposed for just a few days to endocrine disrupting chemicals, their testes as adults produced fewer sperm, and this incapacity was transmitted to their offspring. While findings from animal studies can’t necessarily be extended to humans, after three generations of these exposures, one-fifth of the male mice were infertile.

“I find this particularly troubling,” Professor Hunt told me. “From the standpoint of human exposures, you could argue we are hitting the third generation just about now.”

What if anything does all this mean for the future of humanity?

“I do not see humans becoming extinct, but I do see family lines ending for a subset of people who are infertile,” Andrea Gore, a professor of neuroendocrinology at the University of Texas at Austin, told me. “People with impaired sperm or egg quality cannot exercise their right to choose to have a child. That may not devastate our species, but it is certainly devastating to these infertile couples.”

More research is necessary, and government regulation and corporate responsibility are crucial to manage risks, but Swan offers practical suggestions for daily life for those with the resources. Store food in glass containers, not plastic. Above all, don’t microwave foods in plastic or with plastic wrap on top. Avoid pesticides. Buy organic produce if possible. Avoid tobacco or marijuana. Use a cotton or linen shower curtain, not one made of vinyl. Don’t use air fresheners. Prevent dust buildup. Vet consumer products you use with an online guide like that of the Environmental Working Group.

Many issues in headlines today won’t much matter in a decade, let alone in a century. Climate change is one exception, and another may be the risks to our capacity to reproduce.

The epitome of a “low blow” is a kick to the crotch. And that, friends, may be what we as a species are doing to ourselves.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Some penis microbes may increase the risk of vaginal infections after penetrative sex

By Julia Naftulin

  • A new study found that 10 types of bacteria found on men’s penises were predictors in whether their female partners developed bacterial vaginosis.
  • Bacterial vaginosis is a vaginal infection that affects 1 in 3 women. Experts are unsure what exactly causes bacterial vaginosis.
  • The researchers said that their study suggests men’s sexual health and women’s are inextricably linked, and that heterosexual couples should work together to promote each other’s sexual wellbeing.

Women may have a higher risk of vaginal bacterial infection after penetrative sex with men, depending on the type of microbiota on their partner’s penis, a study has found.

Bacterial vaginosis is a type of vaginal bacterial infection that affects 1 in 3 women, but, according to the CDC, health experts are still unsure what causes it.

For the study, University of Illinois at Chicago researchers looked at 168 heterosexual couples in Kenya over a year. Just over half (56%) of the men they studied had circumcised penises, and circumcision status can affect the amount and types of bacteria on a penis.

None of the women had bacterial vaginosis at the start of the study. The researchers found that 31% of the women in the study developed bacterial vaginosis during the year-long trial.

In addition to testing the bacteria in the women’s vaginas, they also examined each man’s penile microbiota during the initial screening and three follow-up appointments.

The researchers concluded that the men were a defining factor in the women’s risk of infection. They identified 10 species of penile bacteria that appeared to increase a woman’s risk of BV. The men who carried on their penis one or more of the 10 species, his female partner was more likely to develop bacterial vaginosis.

Men should be involved in women’s reproductive health

The study’s findings don’t mean a man’s penis causes bacterial vaginosis in women, according to Dr. Supriya Mehta, lead study author and an epidemiologist at University of Illinois at Chicago.

But his team’s findings suggest male and female sexual health are inextricably linked, especially for heterosexual couples.

“I would like for clinicians, researchers, and the public to be inclusive of male sex partners in their efforts to improve women’s reproductive health,” Mehta said in a statement. “Not to place directionality or blame on one partner or another, but to increase the options and opportunity for improved reproductive health, and hopefully reduce stigma from BV.”

There were caveats to this study. Only 46% of the 168 couples attended all four doctor’s office visits during the year-long trial, so the researchers have incomplete data for some couples, which could cause skewed results. Additionally, the researchers looked at a small sample of only Kenyan couples who were heterosexual, so the results may not be applicable on a universal scale, across countries, cultures, and sexualities.

Mehta said more research should be done to determine how men can look after their own genital health to protect the genital health of women with whom they’re sexually active.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How body image insecurities affect men

It’s a common misconception that body image issues only affect women.

By Marcos Benhamu

When Oliver* and his wife opened their 20-year marriage in 2017, a few things had changed since he was last on the dating scene.

“I am older, I am a bit tubby around the edges. I can look back at my old pictures and think, ‘Oh my God! I used to be so pretty!'” the 44-year-old from Melbourne says.

Like other men his age, Oliver says he’s dealing with body changes familiar to his cohort: growing soft in the middle.

But despite a few heartbreaks, he feels more self-assured in dating now than he did two decades ago.

“When I used to look like that, I wasn’t any good at [dating] anyway and I am much more confident in myself now.”

Although Oliver’s learned to live comfortably with his insecurities, body image issues continue to trouble many men who try to attain idealised, Adonis-like physiques in search of self-worth.

It can also affect men’s sexual experience in negative ways and create vicious cycles of insecurities.

The ‘ideal’ body shape for men

For Dominic*, a graphic designer in his 50s, regularly training at the gym doesn’t always make him feel better about his body.

He says he hates compliments about his appearance; they remind him that people are in fact judging him. These insecurities affect his sexual experience.

The burden of body dissatisfaction is still born mostly by women, but a growing trend among men warrants attention.

A study of 3,000 Australian adults showed eating disorder behaviours — including purging and extreme dieting — increased more rapidly among men than women between 1998 and 2008.

According to another large-scale study from Sydney University, men are more likely to experience mental health problems stemming from body dissatisfaction.

This can lead to the use of steroids, according to clinical psychologist Gemma Sharp heads the body image research group at Monash University.

“Just like with women, there’s an appearance ideal for men as well … the broad shoulders, muscular physique, no ‘man boobs’, larger penis,” Dr Sharp says.

Body image and sex

Expectations around sustaining sexual performance can make sex a source of stress rather than pleasure.

As it is, sex is a vulnerable space; we perform naked with our flaws on full display.

A baseline of insecurity can set us up for emotional pain, making it harder to enjoy future sexual encounters.

For Oliver, the lack of closure from being ghosted by dates reinforced his self-doubts.

“When you don’t have any other information to go on, it’s just like, ‘Well, must be my physique’,” he says.

According to Andrea Waling, a research fellow at the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society at La Trobe University, there also exists a “normalised view of sex that it’s all about the penetration … and it’s about being able to last hours and hours and hours, which is just not the reality”.

In fact, the median duration of penetrative sex is approximately 5 minutes, and it can range anywhere between 33 seconds and 44 minutes. There are also alternatives to penetration like outercourse.

More reassuringly, porn-size penises account for only 5 per cent of the population.

According to Dr Sharp, pressures of expectation can result in safety behaviours. Safety behaviours are habits that might help someone reduce anxiety without dealing with the underlying cause of the distress.

In intimate relationships, this can include having sex in the dark, having sex with clothes on, engaging in sexual positions such that one partner can’t see the other, and avoiding sex and social encounters altogether.

However, sexual safety behaviours often fail to render sex bearable. This can lead to ‘spectatoring’: the self-conscious monitoring of one’s sexual performance.

For Anton, a 47-year-old man of Serbian origin, concerns about his height and hairiness created deep insecurities in his youth and made him question whether other boys would ever pay attention to him.

It became hard for him to approach potential partners, especially within his gay community in Melbourne, which can uphold largely unattainable physical standards.

Anton also developed performance anxiety.

“I used to find it uncomfortable ‘seeing me’,” he says. “What is he going to think of me?”

Psychosexual therapist Arlyn Owens addresses spectatoring regularly in this practice.

“What often happens is we’re thinking that something is wrong with our bodies that we need to fix,” Mr Owens says.

“We become a bit separated from our body as a source of pleasure.”

Finding confidence

Mr Owens says one solution to feeling disconnected with your body is mindful sex, which consists of slowing down, focusing on sensation, and what is happening in the body.

“So in a nutshell, we are trying to get out of the head and into the body, away from goal-oriented penetration and ejaculation to pleasure-focused sex.”

However, the first step is for men to seek help.

According to the Australian Medical Association, males are less likely than women to seek medical help. And the notion that body image issues pertain to women creates a stigma which can discourage men from seeking the necessary help.

Oliver, for example, needed therapy after a break-up. Although body image wasn’t the main focus for him, he found therapy helped him cope with body image issues, even if these still rear up their head occasionally.

“We always want to be taken seriously for who we are as a person,” Owen says, “But at the same time, we want to be pretty.”

*Names have been changed for privacy.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Sex Flush

— How to Embrace Your Body’s Natural Arousal Glow

by Gabrielle Smith

Remember mood rings? Sex flush is kind of like that. Except it’s your body changing color because of a very specific mood: Arousal.

Sex flush is a normal part of the arousal cycle. It can happen during solo or partnered sexy times to all genders. There’s no need to feel shy about it. In fact, it can be quite hot! What’s better than being so attracted to your partner(s) that the warm and fuzzies show up on the outside?

Here’s the full scoop on nature’s rosiest reaction.

Usually, sex flush becomes noticeable when skin reddens or becomes more pigmented as you get aroused. In some, this change in color appears in blotches, and for others, it looks like a full-body, get-down glow.

Sex flush can happen anywhere on your body. But your face, back, and chest are the most common places for it to make an appearance.

Those with a lighter complexion are more likely to experience sex flush, as well as folks who have been diagnosed with rosacea. Sex flush is often less noticeable in those with olive-to-darker skin tones.

It can also be referred to as “sex rash” because, well, it can look like a rash. Don’t worry, though! It usually fades after an hour or so. If your rash is painful and long lasting, though, you should consider visiting a doctor.

You might be too distracted to notice, but we all go through a predictable set of emotional and physical changes when we get turned on. The fancy name for these changes is the sexual response cycle.

The stages of the sexual response cycle don’t exactly have to go in order, and some are completely absent (ahem, I’m looking at you, “orgasm”). Sex flush can happen at any point during this cycle, but it often intensifies during orgasm.

Here’s how the sexual response cycle breaks down.

Phase 1: Desire

You ever watch your partner(s) get dressed in the morning, eyes skimming the curves and contours of their body? Then, suddenly, you’re wondering how bad it would be if they were late to work just this one time…

Welcome to phase one! Desire sets in when you get that little tingle in your nether region, pointing you towards the object of, well, your desire. That could be a partner(s). It can also be your not-so-secret stash of sex toys.

The physical signs of desire are:

  • an accelerating heart rate
  • self-lubricating genitals
  • hardening nipples
  • skin flushes
  • breathing heavily

Phase 2: Arousal

Phase two typically entails the action. It’s also called the “plateau”. Despite the less than scintillating name, here’s when the buildup begins. Phase two typically lasts the longest, especially if you get creative. Arousal leads directly to phase three, the orgasm.

The physical signs of arousal are:

  • the previous phase sustaining or amplifying
  • sex flush
  • muscle spasms in the feet, face, and hands
  • muscle tension increasing
  • vaginal walls swelling and darkening
  • testicles withdrawing further up into the scrotum

Phase 3: Orgasm

Ah yes, the big O. Some say they see stars, some accidentally profess love. This phase is the shortest of the four, typically lasting anywhere from a few to 30 minutes.

The physical signs of orgasm are:

Phase 4: Resolution

And with all crescendos, there must be an ascension. This is when your body begins to return to business as usual. Erect genitals begin to settle, your heart rate goes down, and you’re delightfully fatigued, torn between the need to run to the bathroom and pee or enjoy all of your post-sex bliss.

Absolutely nothing! As mentioned, sex flush goes away in an hour or so. If you’re feeling self-conscious about it, put on a robe, keep the lights dim, or consider taking a shower to cool off.

If your partner(s) points it out (hopefully out of concern, not judgment!) reiterate that it’s totally normal and non-contagious. Actually, they were likely the cause of it!

If you continue feeling insecure about the redness, talk to your partner(s) about it. Getting your feelings out in the open increases understanding, and can bring you closer. Plus, a caring partner(s) will ease your worries.

If you’re experiencing more than just redness of the skin, or any skin discoloration that lasts longer than 2 hours, you might not actually be experiencing sex flush, and it may be time to book an appointment. It’s better to be safe than sorry, after all.

While your mind may naturally leap toward common sex-imposed situations like STIs and pregnancy, you’re not likely to show signs of either of those immediately after sex.

You might be having a negative reaction to lube, sex toys, or latex condoms (or, maybe your partner(s) has a cat, and your body is not happy about it.)

If it is something other than a sex flush, be on the lookout for any concurrent symptoms, such as:

  • irritation
  • hives
  • burning/stinging
  • swelling
  • blisters
  • bleeding
  • unusual discharge
  • fever

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Everything You Need To Know About WAP

— Vaginal Dryness, and Arousal

By Jamie LeClaire

Over the summer, Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion blessed the world by dropping the sex-positive, empowering banger, “WAP.” The title is an acronym for “wet ass pussy,” and the song itself seeks to normalize and celebrate female-identifying people being unapologetically sexual and prioritizing their pleasure. And yet, a number of reactions revealed how little many know about sexual health, arousal, and how genitals function in relation to sex—especially vulvas and vaginas. Notably, conservative commenter and podcast host Ben Shapiro claimed WAP on its own to be a health concern, and—uh, according to pros that’s not the case.

The thing is, though, even though Shapiro may be deserving of the negative response he’s received for his false statement, his lack of knowledge about vulvar health is not something to be made fun of. Rather, it’s something to correct because sex education leads to more positive and shame-free conversations about sexual health. To continue contributing to that conversation, a doctor and sexual-health expert are here to answer some key questions: What does WAP mean? What does not having WAP mean? And, regardless, will you ever need a mop and a bucket?

What does WAP mean in terms of vaginal lubrication?

Vaginal fluid, especially during sexual arousal, is a normal and healthy component of sexual and reproductive functioning, and it can also fluctuate in its presence over the course of our lives. Vulva-owners have two sets of glands that are responsible for vaginal fluid during sexual arousal: the Bartholin’s glands, which are located to the right and left of the vaginal opening, and the Skene’s glands, which are closer to the urethra. Each produce and secrete what we know as vaginal fluid, and their functioning and physiology is heavily influenced by hormonal fluctuations that happen throughout life, like menopause.

As far as the whole “mop and a bucket” thing? Probably not necessary since the amount of lubrication likely wont accumulate beyond about a teaspoon’s worth.

In terms of function, vaginal lubrication aids in pleasure and the promotion of sexual health. According to Tamika K. Cross, MD, OB/GYN, these secretions help to minimize the possibility of micro tears and fissures from occurring inside the vaginal canal and around the vaginal opening during sexual play. “The less lubrication, the more friction, discomfort and potential trauma,” she says. But, as far as the whole “mop and a bucket” thing? Probably not necessary since the amount of lubrication likely wont accumulate beyond about a teaspoon’s worth.

Vaginal wetness does not always correlate with arousal

It’s important to note that differences between arousal and desire have implications on vaginal wetness, says Isharna Walsh, CEO and founder of sexual wellness app Coral. “They are closely interlinked, but they are not synonyms.” Arousal is the physical manifestation of sexual response and refers to physical reactions, like heart-rate increase, blood flow to the genitals, and, yes, WAP. But just because someone is physically aroused does not mean that they desire sex—desire is more of a mental experience and want.

It is absolutely possible for vaginal fluid to be present without feeling sexual desire, and it’s also possible to be turned on without any lubrication presenting. The descrepancy in these events is called arousal non-concordance, and Dr. Cross says it is a common issue. “The only way to find out if someone is both physically aroused and desires sex,” she says? “Ask them.”

Vaginal dryness can is extremely common and can happen for a number of reasons.

Research shows that around 17 percent of people with vulvas experience vaginal dryness during sex between ages 18 and 50, and around 50 percent of those who are post-menopausal. “Estrogen levels change most notably and drastically during menopause, thus vaginal dryness affects a large part of the population during that time,” says Dr. Cross. (As a reminder, hormonal fluctuations can account for shifts in the presence of vaginal fluid because of their effect on the functioning of our Bartholin’s and Skene’s glands.)

Beyond menopause, other factors that can shift hormone levels include the menstrual cycle, childbirth, stress, diet, medications, genital dysphoria, sleep deprivation, certain health conditions like PCOS and endometriosis, and more. For many people experiencing dryness, especially those who only experience discomfort during penetrative sex, investing in a quality personal lubricant can go a long way. But if your wetness is accompanied by vaginal itch, discomfort, or a new color or smell, it might be worth a visit to your doctor.

Ultimately, not all vulvas are the same, so getting to know your own and learning what’s normal and abnormal for you will help you to understand whether something is an issue that would benefit from addressing with a medical professional. And that’s true no matter where you land on the scale of 0 to WAP.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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24 Ways You or Your Penis-Having Partner Can Increase Penile Sensitivity

by Adrienne Santos-Longhurst

For many folks, sexual satisfaction is all about the feels, so if you or your penis-having partner are experiencing decreased sensitivity down there, it could really mess with your ability to get off.

There are a few things that can cause a decrease in penile sensation, from the way a person masturbates to lifestyle habits and hormone imbalances. The good news: There are ways to get back that lovin’ feeling.

To be clear, there’s a big difference between less sensation and numbness.

Having less sensation — which is what we’re focusing on in this article — means you don’t feel as much sensation in your peen as you did before.

A numb penis is a whole other ball of wax and refers to not being able to feel any normal sensation when your penis is touched.

Yep, how you pleasure yourself might be affecting your penile sensation.

What does this have to do with it?

The way you masturbate can lead to decreased sensitivity. Some people call this “death grip syndrome.”

The gist is that people who masturbate using a very specific technique or tight grip can become desensitized to other types of pleasure over time.

When this happens, coming or even getting any pleasure without the exact move or pressure becomes difficult.

If you’re feeling all the feels just fine when you masturbate but find that partner sex is where the sensation is lacking, there are a couple potential reasons.

A thinner or smaller-than-average penis, or even too much lube (natural wetness or synthetic), can mean less friction — and ultimately sensation — during intercourse.

What can you do to help address this?

Just switching up your technique should do the trick and help you recondition your sensitivity.

If death grip is the issue, depending on how you’re used to masturbating, this might mean loosening your grip, stroking at a slower pace, or both.

You could also mix things up with a sex toy made for penis play, like the Super Sucker UR3 Masturbator, which you can buy online, or TENGA Zero Flip Hole Masturbator, which is also available online. And don’t forget the lube!

If intercourse is the issue, some positions make for a tighter fit and therefore more friction.

Here’s a little secret: Tweaking any position so your partner can keep their legs tight together during sex should work.

Plus, if anal sex is what you’re both into, the anus is by nature a tighter squeeze. Just be sure to use a lot of lube if you take it to the backside.

And speaking of a lot of lube: If an abundance of wetness is making sex feel a bit like a Slip ’N Slide, a quick wipe with some tissue should fix it.

Certain lifestyle habits can be to blame for your peen’s lessened sensitivity.

What does this have to do with it?

Do you bicycle a lot? Do you masturbate frequently? These things can cause the sensitivity in your peen to tank if you do them often.

When it comes to masturbation, how often you do it matters if you’re doing it a lot, according to research that has linked hyperstimulation to decreased penile sensitivity.

As for bicycling, bicycle seats put pressure on the perineum — the space between your balls and anus. It presses on blood vessels and nerves that provide feeling to the penis.

Sitting in a hard or uncomfortable chair for long periods can do the same.

What can you do to help address this?

Masturbation is healthy, but if the frequency of your handy treats is causing a problem, taking a break for a week or two can help get your penis feeling back to itself.

If you sit or bicycle for long periods, take regular breaks. Consider swapping out your bike seat or usual chair for something more comfortable.

Testosterone is the male sex hormone responsible for libido, not to mention a bunch of other functions.

If your testosterone (T) level drops, you might feel less responsive to sexual stimulation and have trouble getting aroused.

T levels decrease as you age. Damage to your danglers — aka testicles — can also affect T, as well as certain conditions, substances, and cancer treatment.

Your doctor can diagnose low T with a simple blood test and treat it using testosterone replacement therapy (TRT). Lifestyle changes, like regular exercise, maintaining a moderate weight, and getting more sleep can also help.

Certain medical conditions and medications can affect sensation in the penis.

What does this have to do with it?

Diabetes and multiple sclerosis (MS) are just a couple conditions that can damage nerves and affect sensation in different body parts, including the penis.

Medications used to treat Parkinson’s disease can also reduce penile sensation as a side effect.

Ensuring that any underlying condition is well managed might help bring the feels back.

If medication’s the culprit, your doctor may be able to adjust your dose or change your medication.

Sexual pleasure isn’t just about your D. Your brain plays a big role, too.

What does this have to do with it?

If you’re dealing with anxiety, stress, depression, or any other mental health issue, getting in the mood can be near impossible. And even if you really want to get down to business, your penis may not be as receptive.

What can you do to help address this?

It really depends on what’s going on mentally.

Taking some time to unwind before sexy time can help if you’re feeling stressed or anxious.

A hot bath or shower can help your mind and muscles relax. The warm water also increases circulation, which can help increase sensitivity and make your skin more responsive to touch.

If you’re regularly struggling with feelings of anxiety or depression, or having trouble coping with stress, reach out for help.

Talk to a friend or loved one, see a healthcare provider, or find a local mental health provider through the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA).

Not to be punny, but try to not beat yourself silly over this.

We get how frustrating it must be to not be able to enjoy the sensation you want or expect during sexual activity.

Here are some things to keep in mind if you’re struggling.

It’s probably not permanent

Chances are your lessened penile sensation can be improved.

As we’ve already covered, changes in technique, getting in the right frame of mind, or some lifestyle tweaks may be all that’s needed to get your penis feeling right again.

A healthcare provider can help with any underlying medical or mental health issues and recommend the right treatments.

Go easy on yourself

We’re not just talking about choking your chicken either! Stressing about this and putting pressure on yourself will only make things worse in the pleasure department.

Give yourself time to relax and get in the mood before play, and permission to stop and try another time if you’re not feeling it.

Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help

Penis health and sexual health are just as important as other aspects of your health.

If there’s something going on with your penis or your ability to enjoy sexual activity, a professional can help.

Good penis health is in your hands

You can’t control everything, but there are things you can do to help keep your penis healthy:

  • Eat a healthy diet, including foods shown to boost penis health by lowering inflammation and improving T levels and circulation.
  • Get regular exercise to improve mood and T levels, manage your weight, and lower your risk for erectile dysfunction and other conditions.
  • Learn to relax and find healthy ways to cope with stress to improve your T levels, mood, sleep, and overall health.

If it’s your partner who’s struggling with lessened sensitivity down there, don’t worry. Chances are there’s a good reason for it, and it’s probably not what you think.

Here are some things to keep in mind if it’s getting to you.

Don’t take it personally

Your first instinct may be to blame yourself if your partner isn’t enjoying sex. Try to not do this.

Sounds harsh, but: Not your penis, not your problem.

As a loving partner, of course you want them to feel good. But unless you’ve damaged their penis by taking a hammer to it, their lessened penile sensitivity isn’t your fault, so don’t make it about you.

I repeat, don’t make it about you

Seriously, it’s not your penis!

As frustrated as you might be, keep it to yourself

Not trying to dismiss your feelings or anything, but as frustrated as you may be that your partner isn’t feeling it even when you pull out your best moves, it’s probably a lot more frustrating for them.

That said, if your partner’s lack of sensation results in a marathon shag sesh that causes chafing to your nether regions, of course you have the right to take a break or stop. It’s your body, after all. Just be mindful of how you say it.

Ask what your partner needs from you

EVERYONE should be asking what their partner needs when it comes to sex and relationships. It’s the key to making both great.

Do they need a little time to relax before action moves to the peen? Do they need more foreplay that focuses on other pleasure spots to help them get in the mood? Do they want to just stop altogether? Don’t be afraid to ask.

If you’ve lost some of that lovin’ feeling down below, your lifestyle and pleasure routine — solo or partnered — may provide some clues. If not, your doctor or other healthcare provider can help.

In the meantime, be patient and kind with yourself, and consider some of your other pleasure zones for satisfaction.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Here’s what you need to know about sexual anxiety

Feeling anxious about sex is normal, but you don’t have to live with it forever.

By Faye M Smith

Just started dating someone new? Then most of us can relate to feeling nervous about taking things to the next level. But what happens if you have been married for years and you suddenly start to feel sexual anxiety? Turns out, these feelings can develop at any time. And, you can’t simply get over it by spicing things up with one of the best vibrators or acting out a sexual fantasy with your partner. Expert advice is key. But, the good news is we’ve asked a sexuality educator for their best tips on how get a handle on sexual anxiety.

“Anxiety associated with sex or sexual activity can be experienced by people of all ages in all sorts of relationships,” says experienced therapist Dr Katherine Hertlein, expert advisor at Blueheart. “Whenever it happens and whoever it happens with, it’s often rooted in fear or discomfort of a sexual encounter.”

Here’s everything you need to know:

How to tell if you have sexual anxiety

Not sure if you have developed anxiety around sex, or just have “normal” nerves about a sexual relationship? Knowing the signs to look out for can really help.

“Feeling anxious about sex can manifest in different ways,” says Dr Hertlein. “This is mainly through symptoms of sexual dysfunction. For example, those who suffer from sexual anxiety can report an inability to hold an erection (for men). Or, both men and women might have the inability to climax. And this may still be the case if you find your partner sexually appealing. Sometimes it can also cause premature ejaculation or a disinterest in sex. “

What causes sexual anxiety?

The causes of anxiety around sex differ. “It can be related to your state of mind and the fear of being unable to please your partner when it comes to being intimate,” says Dr Hertlein. She explains, that this might stem from:

  • Body image issues. Especially if you’re self-conscious about the way you look.
  • Low sexual confidence. This is a feeling of inadequacy when it comes to ‘performing’ in bed. It can sometimes be caused by a previous negative experience.
  • Increased amounts of stress. Stress in your daily life, from work, relationships, or general life, can cause you sexual anxiety.
  • Loss of sexual desire. Loss of libido might be because of stress or even a side-effect of medication.

Plus, there are other reasons why you may be experiencing sexual anxiety. “Sexual problems can also be the result of an underlying medical condition,” says Dr Hertlein. “It could be relationship factors, power struggles, fears, mood disorders and other mental health issues. Or even cultural or religious factors.”

Going slow can help you deal with sexual anxiety

Keen to make your sexual anxiety a thing of the past? Patience is key. “Try to move away from making sex a goal-oriented experience,” says Dr Hertlein. “It’s about taking your time, enjoying each other and finding intimacy and connection. Not only will this take the pressure off of yourself and your partner, but it’s also a chance to learn what you find sensual. Think of it as a blank slate. This is a chance to explore what you enjoy without the time pressure or end goal.”

Try to improve your lifestyle

Constantly rushing about during the day? It won’t be helping things at night. “Our life events can sometimes cause us to feel stressed or anxious, leaving our minds running even when we’re trying to relax,” says Dr Hertlein. “You might experience stress or anxiety because of something that happened at work, an argument with your family, or perhaps something else. Unfortunately, we cannot always take the stress out of our lives, but you can make lifestyle changes to help with how you deal with them.”

Luckily, the best ways are the easiest to implement. “Some of my best advice is to make sure you’re getting the advised seven to eight hours sleep every night,” says Dr Hertlein. “And make sure you are having a healthy balanced diet, and regular exercise even if it’s just an hour of walking per day. These lifestyle changes sound simple, but they enable us to put our best selves forward to deal with whatever life throws at us.”

There are techniques to help reduce sexual anxiety

Feelings of panic rising? “The goal here is to move away from focusing on the anxiety around our body and sex,” says Dr Hertlein. “General anxiety reducing strategies include mindfulness, breathing, and getting grounded. There are many resources, books, and apps that can help you to become more grounded and less anxious.” But make sure you stick with them. “It helps if you do them for a period of time,” adds Dr Hertlein.

Talk to your partner

Hiding the fact that you’re feeling anxious around sex? The best thing to do is speak up, however embarrassed you feel. “Anxiety in your relationship is likely not a comfortable thing,” says Dr Hertlein. “But, it may be helpful to talk to your partner about your anxieties, especially if your initial reaction is to avoid sex. This will help them understand what you’re experiencing so you can work through it together. The more clarity and communication you have around the topic, the easier it will be for you to both work through it.”

Don’t shy away from professional help

“Finally, if you still experience some issue with your body or sex, it’s important to talk with your GP,” says Dr Hertlein. “It might be the result of an underlying health condition or a result of any medication you’re taking.”

And don’t be scared about talking to a sex therapist. “Seek out help,” says Dr Hertlein. “Therapy for anxiety-reduction or a therapist who specialises in sexual health and couples therapy can be a life-changing method of support. Don’t suffer in silence.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How Gen Zers are confronting feminine health and sexual wellness

by Emma Sandler

Sexual wellness and feminine health have become dominating topics within the broader beauty and wellness industries, but Gen Z’s response to these products and its marketing is still undetermined.

According to Pew Research Center, there are approximately 67 million Gen Zers in the U.S., of which 35% are older than 18. As this group of consumers enters puberty and menstruation, and eventually experiences sexual activity, they engage with these products with a wildly different set of views and values compared to their millennial counterparts.

Rebecca Alvarez Story, founder of Bloomi, a sexual and intimate care online retailer, said she noticed that while Gen Zers are not a big customer group for her business, they make up a significant chunk of readers of the site’s blog. Gen Zers make up about 8% of Bloomi’s customer base and typically purchase menstrual products like period underwear and yoni eggs. Meanwhile, Gen Zers make up more than 25% of the blog’s readership, and that readership is 73% female and 27% male. The most popular stories read relate to menstrual cycles and more fringe sexual topics like anal sex. Bloomi’s monthly virtual workshops that began in April have seen an equal number of millennials and Gen Zers attend, she said.

“What we understand based on what we’re seeing is that 18- to 24-year-olds are coming into their sexual selves,” she said. “They have a desire [to read] foundational information, like safe sex practices, but then with that curiosity comes also desire to engage with more outlier topics that millennials [don’t read],” she said. She explained that millennial women typically have to unlearn many sexual stigmas or behaviors in Bloomi virtual workshops, while Gen Zers are coming into their sexuality more confidently.

When it comes to merchandising, Gen Zers are also critical of euphemistic terms such as “feminine wash,” as they prefer something more open about what a product is. Therefore Bloomi has a category called “moisturize vulva skin,” even though brands like Lady Suite and Healthy Hoohoo within that category still rely on phrases like “intimate cleanser” or “feminine wash.”

Product descriptions are just one example of how Gen Zers are approaching feminine health and sexual wellness. Gen Z has proven to be more progressive on the topic of gender identity, compared to millennials, too. They’re also having less sex. According to the annual Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System from the Center for Disease Control, only 40% of students were having sex in 2017, a decline from 48% in 2007. The Atlantic, in a 2018 story, spotlighted that young people were retreating from intimacy in favor of having sex only as they got older or by participating in sexual activity through masturbation. Given this trend, the consumer are on a trajectory that sexual wellness and feminine care markets might not be prepared to handle given these radical shifts in not only sexual expression and identity but also in participation. Marketing narratives can adapt quickly, but whether consumers will desire the products for sale is another question.

In April, Vagisil soft-launched a sub-brand for teen girls called OMV before expanding the brand nationwide in July through retailers like Walmart. The brand offers an intimate wash, wipes and anti-itch serum for the bikini line. According to Keech Combe Shetty, Vagisil CEO, Vagisil and OMV conducted consumer research throughout 2019 with 2,500 girls and mothers to understand what teen girls wanted from personal care products. She said they wanted to feel “confident and secure around their period,” as well as “fresh and clean,” for example. Combe Shetty said that outreach to Gen Z and their parents (who ultimately have the purchasing power) is through linear television ads on channels like ABC, CBS and Bravo, citing placement on shows that mothers and teens watch. OMV is also working with influencers like mother-and-daughter duo Kendal and Evie Rich on Instagram (who together have 115,000 followers), and plans to launch a TikTok account at an undetermined time.

Dr. Lauren Streicher, a clinical professor and doctor of obstetrics and gynecology at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University, said such products are not only medically unnecessary but also “offensive on every level” because they suggest that a woman needs perfume in the genital area to cover up her scent. She added that the pH balance of the vagina is critically important to health and that any odor stems from the vagina itself, meaning that the pH balance washes used for the vulva have no impact on vaginal health or scent.

“If you had bad breath, you could wash your face all day long, and it’s not going to change your bad breath; it’s the same thing with the vulva and vagina,” she said. “It is sending an inappropriate message to these very vulnerable women who are already feeling insecure about their changing bodies.”

When asked about the criticisms of products like Vagisil and OMV, Combe Shetty responded by pointing out that many women can find it hard to remember how difficult entering puberty is and that girls’ confidence levels can decline significantly during this time. This line of thinking underscores a chicken-or-egg problem with products and a person’s entrance into these types of consumer categories: Do their concerns exist inherently and outside societal influence or are they precisely a product of social stigma? It is not the first time the beauty and personal care industry has faced issues with selling products that seem to push unrealistic beauty standards while simultaneously providing solutions to customer’s legitimate desires. It will likely not be the last.

“When people think about sexual wellness and health, they generally focus on product. Data tends to show that people buy products and use them a few times, but then put them away,” said Isharna Walsh, founder and CEO of sexual wellness and health app Coral. “But products are not the thing that’s going to change society and our relationships.”

Launched in Nov. 2019, Coral offers a $60 for an annual subscription for stories, educational articles, quizzes and other content around topics like desire, arousal and how to give and receive physical pleasure, among others. Walsh said Coral has raised $3 million in fundraising and that downloads increased 300% during Covid-19. The most significant cohort of subscribers is women ages 21-25, said Walsh. She was surprised by how much Gen Zers were engaging with Coral, as she assumed it would be a millennial-geared product and created the app with that in mind. A significant number of people younger than 20 have also download the app, though they subscribe at a lower rate than those older than 25-years-old, she said. Coral declined to provide specific data.

“We resonate because we’re speaking to that younger demographic with a level of maturity that they appreciate. They want to understand more about their bodies, and this age group is a lot more thoughtful (than I was at that age) around mental health and around living their best lives,” said Walsh.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Let’s Talk About Sex

— Women-Led Digital Platforms That You Must Check Out

From the female orgasm to increasing the visibility of underrepresented sexual orientations, these women-led digital platforms are hitting the right spot.

by Ojas Kolvankar

Prom nights, cheerleading squads, and annual basketball games are all representative of classic high school films that we have all been guilty of binge-watching at some point in time. So when director Ben Taylor’s Sex Education, a popular Netflix series, came around, it was a breath of fresh air in an, otherwise overcrowded genre as it normalised the conversations around teenage sex, and sex in general, portraying it in all its awkward, confusing glory. The show is centered around Otis (Asa Butterfield), the awkward, virgin teenage son of a sex therapist (Gillian Anderson), who along with his friend, Maeve (Emma Mackey), decide to put his mother’s (sometimes) overbearing skills to use in order to make a little cash. They discover that their classmates are bogged down by sex and body issues they’re not comfortable speaking about with anyone.

In addition to educating us about sexual health practices, the show destigmatises masturbation, sexual fetishes, and fantasies, while also shining the spotlight on cyberbullying and physical harassment. Closer home, a slew of independent, women-led digital platforms are also normalising the conversations around sex, namely Agents of Ishq, Liberating Sexuality, RedWomb, and LSD Cast (Love Sex Desire).

First up, filmmaker and writer, Paromita Vohra’s bi-lingual multimedia platform, Agents of Ishq that uses interesting audio-visual formats to disseminate information about sex. For instance a Lavani on consent to animation on masturbation to a survey on how men feel about their penis. “I started Agents of Ishq because I felt the pre-existing conversation about sex was stultifying. We have always talked about sex in context to violence or negativity – how to avoid rape, pregnancy, or disease. Even though lived experiences are complex and multi-layered, we have spoken about it in a polarised way between the sexual revolution and absolute repression. Agents of Ishq created a friendly, fluid, and inclusive space. We even used relatable (desi) language to talk about sex, rooted in Indian experience and contexts.” explains Vohra.

The platform now has over 250 user-generated accounts of their sexual experiences and a highly engaged audience that looks out for fun, clarification, confession, a sense of community, and even sharing their own stories. They have affirmed their audience that they are not alone who have doubts and questions about the subject.

In the same vein Indraja Saroha’s YouTube channel, Liberating Sexuality is a repository of sex-positive videos that look at the intersection of mental health, body positivity, and sexuality. The law graduate started the platform to begin a conversation around taboo subjects. Indraja believes for a woman to express her sexual desires is a revolutionary act. Women tend to attract attention from people who consider this to be a declaration of their sexual availability because they’ve almost never seen a woman’s sexuality independent of the male gaze, or have reduced it to fetishisation. Further, Saroha elaborates, “Whether it is movies, pop culture, art, or even sex education, the conversation is limited to heterosexual men, as if they are the only ones entitled to pleasure and by extension, to have their desires represented and acknowledged as normal. Most of us need a voice, someone we relate to, who can express what we feel. It helps us feel less lonely, realise that our experiences are natural and we have our own agency.”

Similarly, Independent radio producer and journalist Chhavi Sachdev encourages people to engage in open conversations about sex through her candid podcast, LSDCast – Love, Sex, and Dating. While Pallavi Barnwal, a sex educator and founder of RedWomb, organises meetings to help men and women embrace their vulnerability and sexuality in a safe space. “Being a woman who runs a sex-positive platform has worked in my favour. I’m not only able to discuss issues faced by other women, but also engage with people from different genders and age groups without my intentions being questioned. Had it been man, he wouldn’t have received similar access” adds Pallavi.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The Clit Test Is Like The Bechdel Test For Sex Scenes

By Susan Devaney

You’d be hard pressed to find someone who hasn’t watched Meg Ryan apparently reaching climax in a packed diner in When Harry Met Sally, the hit Nora Ephron movie that had everyone talking about faking orgasms back in 1989. Ryan’s infamous performance was for comic effect, but 30 years on, the women behind the Clit Test argue that actual sex scenes are still a long way from a convincing depiction of female pleasure (and what it takes to get there) – which is why they’re hellbent on seeing more realistic portrayals of intercourse on screen.

“Our culture still acts like the clitoris is a kind of secret or just something that might occasionally get involved in sex, but in terms of pleasure, the clit is really the equivalent of the penis,” campaign founder Frances Rayner tells British Vogue. “We’d think it ludicrous for a man to have sex without his penis ever getting a look in. But so often the sex we see on screen ignores the clitoris entirely.” Maybe that’s why, in addition to the iconic fashion moments, women (and men) loved HBO’s Sex And The City. The clitoris frequently cropped up in conversation over brunch (thank you, Samantha Jones), and while the show celebrated all of the good things about sex, it didn’t gloss over the bad and the ugly parts in the process. But SATC sadly left our screens over 16 years ago.

In 2020, TV and film’s portrayal of women’s sexual pleasure needs to catch up with the reality. “Numerous academics have pointed out that this misleading ‘sexual script’ is one of the main reasons women and girls who have sex with men have alarming rates of disappointing, bad and even painful sex,” explains Rayner. One such academic is Professor Elisabeth Lloyd, author of The Case of the Female Orgasm, whose research proves the campaign – which she’s backing – is long overdue. “In both Hollywood films and porn, the sex act is portrayed so it represents only about 6-10 per cent of women’s response,” she says. “That’s how many women have orgasm with plain intercourse, without additional clitoral stimulation. The fact that Hollywood films and porn choose to misrepresent the experience of 90-94 per cent of women needs to change.”

It’s this same frustration that led Rayner (a 34-year-old straight cis woman, who works for a charity in Glasgow), and Irene Tortajada (a 25-year-old cis bi woman, who works for a charity in London), to come together to try to change things. The result is the Clit Test, which celebrates those films and shows that do acknowledge the existence of the clitoris, and its importance. “We worked together for a few months when she [Tortajada] was living in Glasgow and quickly became friends,” says Rayner. “I took a four-day a week job 18 months ago to give me time to finally make the Clit Test happen, as I think the sex script has a really bad impact on women’s lives, and it’s just some outdated nonsense we can easily fix. I’ve grown frustrated with sex scenes I see on TV, which always seemed to involve a woman reaching orgasm through penis-in-vagina sex. Very rarely do they feature the sex acts we know most reliably bring women and people with vulvas to climax – like receiving oral sex, or having their vulva touched with either hands or a vibrator.”

Maybe that’s why the BBC’s TV adaptation of Sally Rooney’s Normal People was heaped with praise for its realistic sex scenes (the book that inspired it also attempts to destigmatise another taboo: period sex). However, the clitoris is never actually mentioned in the show. So, which films and shows do pass the Clit Test? “Michaela Cole’s Chewing Gum is one of my favourites,” says Rayner. “It consistently passes throughout and it’s just such a funny, well-written account of a teenage girl who is both horny and in control, and also very confused by the minimal sex education that she is getting from mainstream porn and friends.”

It’s something Rayner relates to. “My awakening came when I was 20 after I read the Hite Report: A Nationwide Study Of Female Sexuality for a gender studies module at university. In her landmark 1976 study, Shere Hite found that only 1.5 per cent of women masturbated through penetration, whereas 86 per cent said they only ever touched the outside of their vulva. The remaining 12 per cent of women who masturbated did both. I was astonished to learn not only the stats themselves, but the fact that this was widely published at the time. It turned out I was entirely normal – the weird thing was that the definition of what sex is in our culture is something that only works for people with penises.”

Therein lies the issue: most of the sex we see on screen is through a male lens. When women are writing the script, we get to see it laid bare. “Another one I really liked was Aisling Bea’s This Way Up,” says Rayner. “When Freddie and Áine have penetrative sex, after he comes and they lie back down he asks if he can make her come. This shouldn’t be revolutionary, but even just acknowledging that a woman won’t have come from penetration is a huge step forward. There are lots of other good examples like Booksmart, Succession and Orange is the New Black.”

Tortajada and Rayner say they have been showered with “amazingly positive” responses to their campaign. “We’ve had support from Professor Elisabeth Lloyd, Dr Laurie Mintz, a lecturer in human sexuality and author of Becoming Cliterate, Golden Globe and Emmy-winner Rachel Bloom, and bestselling author Holly Bourne,” says Rayner. “A lot of women have reached out on Instagram to say thank you for raising something that is long overdue. We’re keen to make it a positive, inclusive campaign that celebrates women and our sexuality – we more often praise the passes than slate the fails. Ultimately, we want to see more clit-friendly sex acts on screen.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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What does it mean if you’re constantly dreaming about sex?

Dreamt anything saucy lately?

By Almara Abgarian

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night from a dirty dream that leaves you hot and bothered?

You lucky duck.

There are a lot of scientific theories for why human beings have dreams, which are essentially hallucinations concocted by our brain.

They happen on average around four to six times per night, according to The National Sleep Foundation, and are most vibrant during the REM (rapid eye movement) part of our sleeping cycle.

As for the contents of our dreams, that’s a bit more complicated.

Steve Richards, a depth psychologist, has 40 years’ worth of experience in analysing people’s subconscious.

He explains that our dreams are connected to what we see, how we feel and how we want these scenarios to be acted out.

So what does it mean if our dreams are primarily of a sexual nature?

Are we just really horny from a lack of physical intimacy or is there a deeper meaning?

Let’s find out.

Why do we dream about sex and what does it mean?

Steve says: ‘Dreams compensate for our conscious attitude and adaptation towards the external world.

‘In this sense they offer alternatives for how we see people, situations and relationships: and most of all, another perspective, on we, ourselves.

‘Our conscious mind has the executive role of adapting to the external word,
in real-time, but it’s information processing capacity is limited.’

In simpler terms, if you’ve been obsessing about sleeping with your colleague, it is very likely that you will dream about them in a naked, between-the-sheets way.

Symbolism also plays a big part in what happens in our dreams; it is a surreal landscape, the contents of which are personal to you.

It is often the details that we swiftly forget when we wake up, and it is often these which can be analysed to reveal our innermost thoughts.

Having sex with someone of the opposite gender in a dream doesn’t necessarily mean that you are bisexual or gay

He says: ‘Symbols are a kind of psychological broadband that carry a huge amount of information, summed up within them, which, with close attention, their meaning can be unpacked for conscious use.

‘Often these dream symbols are purely personal, and relate to what depth psychologists call “complexes”, which are systems of ideas and emotions that have clustered together through the lived experience of our lives.

‘Complexes are normal, they are in some sense just learning and memories, grouped by a common set of emotions and feelings.

‘Sometimes however, they become split-off from the rest of our unconscious mind, and cause disturbances; such as anxiety, depression or even neuroses.

‘Some depth psychologists believe that complexes are “the architects of dreams”.
However, there is a deeper level to the psyche, that we all share.

‘This part, is related to the evolutionary older parts of our brain, that we have in common with our ancient human ancestors, and even other species: such as mammals, reptiles and birds.’

But let’s get down to specifics, with a few scenarios.

You dream about having sex with someone of the opposite gender, but you consider yourself straight. You dream about being in bed with your ex, who you hate.

Or perhaps you dream about having a full-blown orgy in your parents’ garden with people all dressed in dog costumes.

Does this mean you are bisexual or gay, are still in love with your ex or have secret fetishes?

Not quite.

Steve said: ‘Sexuality is a normal part of our lives, and is driven by instinctive pressures from deep within our genetic inheritance.

‘As such, sex dreams have little to do with our conscious sexuality, preferences or morals. They simply express that instinctual pressure.’

Dreams are a highly debated topic, and there is no definite answer to every detail in them, but they can reflect our existing sex life and give us ideas for desires to explore.

Steve says: ‘Often, sexually-themed dreams will be caused by the level of satisfaction we have in our sex lives at any given time, but just as frequently, they simply portray the bandwidth of potential for expression that we all carry, independent of our sexuality.

‘So acting outside of our normal sexual preferences and morality, in dreams, is in itself, perfectly normal.’

Additionally, some studies suggest that what we watch or read before bed can affect our dreams.

So don’t be surprised if you have a sexy session in your sleep if you’ve spent all day reading erotic books or watching porn.

Other research reveals that our overall health is a factor in what we dream about too, which Steve agrees with.

He adds: ‘Your mind and body are opposite sides of the same coin, what affects one, affects the other.

‘To keep in healthy balance, your mind and body need to communicate, we experience this communication in our dreams.

‘Look closely at the content of your dreams and learn to take them as natural “facts” written in a symbolic language.’

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to feel sexually confident

– Especially if you’re struggling with body image

When we don’t see people who look like us represented in a sexual way in mainstream media, it can inhibit our ability to feel sexual.

By Kellie Scott

Sexual confidence is not about being “good” in bed. It’s not about having ripped abs or big boobs. And it doesn’t come from having a lot of sex.

While it can mean different things to different people, at its core sexual confidence is feeling comfortable in your body, knowing you deserve pleasure and being able to articulate what you enjoy — as well as listening to the needs of your sexual partner.

Melbourne sexologist Kassandra Mourikis says people often think of it as a performance — in and outside the bedroom.

“People who make sexual jokes or talk about sex a lot are often perceived as ‘sexually confident’.

“But sometimes people are talking about sex in certain ways because they are uncomfortable or unsure about it.”

If you struggle with sexual confidence, or just want to understand a bit more about it, you’re in the right place.

Sexual confidence is fluid

Sexual confidence isn’t something we have or don’t have, explains Dr Chris Fox, a senior lecturer in sexology at the University of Sydney.

“Self-confidence is fluid, so is sexual confidence.

“I can speak in front of an audience of thousands of people, but I can’t stand in front of my family and give a speech without bursting into tears.”

Ms Mourikis says while anyone can be sexually confident, “it just takes some work”.

‘I’m inside my head so much about how my body looks’

Nanthini* says her “already shaky” sexual confidence has taken a hit after weight gain during pregnancy last year.

The 32-year-old worries about how she looks when having sex with her husband.

“I find it hard to maintain eye contact during sex and I get inside my head about what I look like to my partner.

“It affects the pleasure I am able to give and feel.”

She says even though her partner tells her she is attractive, she doesn’t feel it.

Knowing all bodies are “good bodies” and deserving of pleasure is a big part of increasing your confidence, Ms Mourikis says.

When people don’t see their body type represented in mainstream media, it inhibits their ability to feel good about their own.

“Body diversity is seriously lacking — the dominant narrative in the media centres around the pleasure and sexuality of certain types of people and bodies — namely cis, hetero, white, thin, non-disabled men first and then women,” Ms Mourikis says.

Other things that hold us back from feeling sexually confident include being discouraged to be sexual and explore our bodies — whether that be by our parents, school or partners — and not being taught to communicate our sexual preferences or to set boundaries.

What sexual confidence looks like

As well as feeling good about your body, there are other signs of sexual confidence. You may feel more confident in some areas than others.

Believing you deserve pleasure

A sexually confident person knows they’re allowed to experience pleasure and joy, says Ms Mourikis.

Understanding and communicating your own sexual desires

Knowing what you enjoy and being able to articulate it is a sign of sexual confidence.

Dr Fox says “we don’t have a shared language when it comes to sex”, which is why we need to be good communicators and listeners.

Understanding and listening to the person you’re with

Sexual confidence is someone actively listening to the needs of their partner, explains Dr Fox.

It’s also respecting those desires, and acknowledging they may be different our own, says Ms Mourikis.

Setting and accepting boundaries

A sexually confident person knows how to set boundaries and accept those of others.

“It’s sharing what you are willing to do, and not do, and accepting others’ boundaries without holding it against them or feeling rejected,” Ms Mourikis says.

5 tips for feeling sexually confident

Ms Mourikis has five tips for boosting your sexual confidence:

  1. Find out what you’re drawn to and what you’re into through connecting with different sources (for example, different masturbation styles or different partners) and notice how your body responds.
  2. Be curious about what’s going on in your body and in your sexual experiences. When you come from a place of non-judgmental curiosity, you give yourself the opportunity to enjoy, feel satisfied and confident in diverse experiences.
  3. Recognise the role of culture. Folks are taught that sexy looks a certain way. Through culture, we also learn and internalise fatphobia, colourism, ableism and ageism, Ms Mourikis says. All these messages inform how we feel about our bodies — both as sexual beings and bodies that deserve pleasure and sex.
  4. Make the shift from performative sex towards pleasurable sexual experiences by practicing mindfulness and noticing thoughts as they shift in and out of your mind and continue to bring yourself back to the moment.
  5. Learn how to communicate what you want with the people you’re being sexual with. Learn to be direct, check in often, use body language (for example, guiding with your hands or using their hands or verbal cues).

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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10 tips to keep your penis healthy

WHEN it comes to talking about matters down below, it can be a pretty sensitive topic.

Most of us prefer to keep discussions about our privates, well, private.

Keeping your penis healthy is important – here are some essential tips

By

But keeping your todger in good working order is important – especially as you get older.

Research shows that looking after your member can reduce your risk of erectile dysfunction and prostate cancer.

It’ll also help you enjoy a long and happy sex life well into the future.

Not sure where to start?

Here, male sexual health expert Kerri Middleton, from Bathmate, reveals her top tips to keep your penis healthy…

1. Workout

You’ll be pleased to know that the number one tip is to use the tool you’ve been gifted with.

A study by Harvard University found that blokes who ejaculate more frequently — upwards of 21 times per month — have a 33 per cent lower risk of developing prostate cancer.

Men who have sex at least once a week are less likely to suffer erectile dysfunction than those who roll in the hay less often.

A Finnish study has shown that the more you use it, the better your erections will be.

And don’t worry if you’re going through a dry patch – masturbation counts, too.

But it’s not just your penis that you need to work out to keep performing at your best – it’s your entire body.

Plenty of evidence links a sedentary lifestyle with erectile dysfunction, so if you want to improve staying power be sure to enjoy plenty of aerobic exercise.

Running and swimming are the best for penile health.

2. Let go of stress

Leave your stress at work and minimise stressful situations in your home life to keep your member strong.

Excess adrenaline is released into the bloodstream when you’re in a state of worry, causing your blood vessels — including the ones in your penis — to contract.

There are plenty of methods you can use to ease tension and unwind, from meditation to laughter or pumping iron, all of which can help with performance.

3. Cut down on booze

One way many people choose to relieve stress after a hard day’s work is hitting the bottle.

However, if you want to enjoy a healthy sex life long into the future, alcohol can seriously scupper your desire.

Binge and heavy drinking causes nerve and liver damage and can affect the careful balance of male sex hormones.

Even in the short term, alcohol curbs sensitivity and decreases reaction time, leaving you less able to perform.

4. Ditch cigarettes

It’s no secret that cigarettes harm your blood vessels and have a negative impact on your heart health.

Remember that your heart is the ultimate titan, pumping blood throughout your body — including your penis.

Nicotine also makes your blood vessels contract and can stifle blood flow down below.

5. Drink plenty of water

Water keeps everything flowing, especially the plasma and blood cells that make your member stand to attention.

If you’re dehydrated, the blood simply doesn’t flow as well as it should.

So, if you’re worried, up your daily intake of straight H2O to the recommended amount of eight glasses per day.

6. DON’T skip coffee

It’s a little-known fact that coffee consumption and healthy erections are linked.

Drinking coffee is said to speed up the metabolism and get the heart rate going in a healthy way, contributing to blood flow and a healthy member.

Caffeine also causes the arteries in your penis to relax, promoting blood flow to the nether regions.

A study found that drinking two to three cups a day has a particularly positive effect on blokes who are carrying a few extra pounds.

Keeping your penis in good health shouldn’t be a strain.

All of the components required to lead a healthy lifestyle contribute to blood flow, sperm count and testosterone levels and help fight disease.

Get into a mindset where looking after yourself is a priority, and the rest will follow.

7. Get a good night’s sleep

It’s all too easy in our busy society to allow sleep to fall by the wayside.

Between working, playing, relaxing and chatting, there’s barely enough hours in the day.

Still, rest is one of the most vital components of a healthy lifestyle.

Not getting enough sleep is connected to several health issues that contribute to downstairs disappointment such as high blood pressure, diabetes and obesity.

8. Eat well

We all know how important diet is to our overall health, but not many men realise how vital it is to eat the right diet for your penis.

The fuel you put in your body won’t only help erections – it also improves sperm count, sex drive and even affects your risk of prostate cancer.

The foods to avoid:

  • Anything deep-fried
  • Processed meats like bacon
  • Soy
  • Fizzy drinks
  • Sugar
  • Refined carbohydrates like white bread and breakfast cereals

The best foods to eat include tomatoes, salmon, olive oil and oysters.

Another type of food associated with male sexual health is anything spicy.

A French study has found that men who consume more spicy foods have higher testosterone levels than those who shy away from them.

Serrano peppers increase testosterone levels by reducing the amount the kidneys flush out while capsaicin releases chemicals that increase your heart rate, mimic arousal and kickstart your libido.

9. Check cholesterol levels

Not being able to get it up becomes more of an issue the older you get — but it doesn’t have to.

The reason age is tied into loss of erectile function is because as we age, we tend to put less effort into leading a healthy lifestyle.

High cholesterol narrows the blood vessels, which is the leading cause of erectile dysfunction.

Keeping fit, eating healthily and avoiding cigarettes and alcohol are the ideal ways to lower cholesterol.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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This Pioneering Sex Researcher Experimented on Herself

Marie Bonaparte’s interest in the clitoris went an inch too far.

By Mark Hay

In the mid-2000s, Kim Wallen, an Emory University psychobiologist with an interest in the roots of sexual experiences, told his colleague Elisabeth Lloyd, of the University of Indiana, Bloomington, about “a far-fetched idea” that he’d been mulling over for a couple of decades: Might individual variations in the shape of biologically female genitalia at least partially explain why some people with vaginas find it easier or harder than others to orgasm during penetrative sex? Lloyd’s own research, which went a long way in advancing popular understanding of female orgasms, had found that three-fourths of women don’t report consistently achieving orgasm from penetrative sex. But neither she nor any other modern sex researcher Wallen was aware of had tried to figure out whether anything physical might account for that.

Lloyd knew of one researcher who’d had the same idea, decades before Wallen, and published a mostly forgotten paper on it, in 1924. Intrigued, Wallen tracked down the text and discovered that its author, A.E. Narjani, was a pseudonym for an early, and unexpected, modern sex researcher: Marie Bonaparte, princess of Greece and Denmark, great-grandniece of Napoleon, heir to the fortune of Monte Carlo and aunt to Britain’s Prince Philip.

Born in 1882, Bonaparte had an irrepressibly sharp mind, a penchant for no-holds-barred confessional writing and a deep desire for sexual satisfaction. She wrote and spoke openly about her sex life and desires. That’s how we know her 50-year marriage to Prince George of Greece and Denmark was loving but largely sexless — most likely because he was predominately, if not solely, sexually attracted to men — and that Bonaparte had a slew of affairs, including a long-running one with 11-term French Prime Minister Aristide Briant. Her interests were so well-known that when Bonaparte persuaded Romanian sculptor Constantin Brâncusi to make a bust of her in 1909, it morphed into Princess X, a big bronze phallus. 

Although we often think of the 19th and early 20th centuries as sexually repressed eras, Bonaparte’s sexual interests weren’t entirely unusual. Alison Downham Moore, a historian of European sexuality at Western Sydney University who is writing a chapter on Bonaparte for an upcoming book on women who changed the world, explains that there was plenty of contemporary scholarly and medical dialogue about female sexual pleasure.

Prince George I of Greece and Denmark and wife Princess Marie Bonaparte.

But a good amount of sexual dialogue of the era was dominated by long-standing beliefs that female sexuality was all about the vagina. Medicalized fears of masturbation and overt female sexuality had slowly gained purchase since at least the 18th century. In 1905, Sigmund Freud distilled these threads of thought into a biologically ignorant yet popular theory that clitoral stimulation and masturbation were immature, and that any woman interested in anything but vaginal penetration needed psychological help. “This was a really strange idea,” says Moore, but a widespread one “that probably just resulted in many women not ever experiencing any kind of orgasm.”  

Bonaparte was steeped in this toxic sexual ideology. She started a correspondence with Freud in 1924, and by 1925 had become one of his favorite psychoanalytic patients, undergoing at least two hours of analysis every day. She noted that she could have orgasms with clitoral stimulation, but not solely through vaginal stimulation, and viewed herself as clinically frigid because of that. 

Bonaparte openly broke with Freud in the 1920s, seeking physical, not psychological, causes of her so-called frigidity and refusing to write the clitoris off as irrelevant or immature. Her search led her to measure the contours of 243 women’s genitals, gather data on their orgasmic experiences and publish her 1924 paper arguing that the distance between the clitoris and the vaginal opening might account for the trouble some women experienced with climaxing via penetration alone. Her theory was that women with clitorises 2.5 centimeters or fewer from their vaginal openings might get more clitoral stimulation via penetration than those with clitorises farther away. Lloyd and Wallen later confirmed Bonaparte’s finding, based on analyses of both her dataset and another one, in 2010.

Lloyd and Wallen call Bonaparte’s research groundbreaking, especially given the trickiness, even to this day, of taking genital measurements and the prevailing anti-clitoris attitudes of Bonaparte’s time. Hers was an important counterpoint to the widespread advance of those attitudes, says Moore.

Unfortunately, Bonaparte took her research too far. She and Austrian gynecologist Josef Halban developed a surgery known as the Halban-Narjani procedure, which severed the suspensory ligaments around the external clitoris and pulled it closer to the vaginal opening. Bonaparte subjected herself to the surgery, previously only performed on cadavers, in 1927, but found herself still frigid — she likely suffered scarring around her clitoris and a subsequent lack of sensitivity. Meanwhile, mainstream gynecologists tore her to shreds by identifying cases of women with clitorises more than 2.5 centimeters from their vaginal openings who could orgasm during intercourse. Bonaparte lacked the statistical knowledge to understand that these findings did not invalidate her theory, and so resigned herself to the belief that her work and conclusions had been wrong.

Freud’s shadow eventually blotted out her work. Today, Bonaparte is primarily known for her work establishing Freudian psychoanalysis in France, propping up the Psychoanalytic Publishing House with her fortune and helping Freud and a couple hundred other Jews escape the Nazis in the late ’30s. She became a psychoanalyst, and supposedly subjected François Mitterrand to an impromptu session during Queen Elizabeth II’s coronation, in 1953, while they were both bored. The few modern sex researchers and activists who know about her, Moore says, “have tended to underestimate her as merely a lackey of Freud.”

It’s hard not to wonder where Bonaparte’s research could have led if she hadn’t been ground down by personal misfortunes and prevailing Freudian theories. But in remembering Bonaparte and unearthing her work to build upon it, as Lloyd and Wallen have done, we can perhaps move toward the nuanced, open understanding she sought.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!