Category Archives: Measuring Penis Size

How to look after your penis

By Ed Noon


The British are a nation of stoics, often too proud to admit we have a problem, and too polite to bother anyone else about it. Men are particularly bad at piping up about health issues, especially when it comes to our penises. Often, a source of embarrassment can be a simple lack of knowledge. Fortunately, the male anatomy is quite easy to understand, and learning what to say when seeing your GP can help avoid red faces. Read our guide from a working NHS doctor for how to keep your penis healthy…

Don’t use slang

The number of highly imaginative slang words that have been used to describe penises can leave patients embarrassed and doctors wondering. Keep it real and you’ll be taken seriously. Here’s a quick anatomically correct dictionary of our own for you to memorise and check off next time you’re in the mirror:

Penis and foreskin – no explanation needed.

Shaft – the main length of your penis but not including the glans (tip).

Glans/tip – the highly sensitive area at the end of the penis, usually covered by a foreskin, unless removed in an operation called a circumcision, with an opening for urine and semen to escape.

Meatus – pronounced “me-ay-tuss”, this is the medical name for that opening.

Testes – otherwise known as testicles or balls. All are acceptable.

Scrotum – this is the stretchy skin that forms a sack for your testes. A thin muscle allows the scrotum to contract, which it does so in cold conditions to maintain your sperm at a constant temperature.

Epididymis – behind and above the testes lies the area that stores the sperm made in the testes. Above the testes is a firm tube that carries your sperm from the epididymis (via the prostate which lies near your bladder, so it goes a long way) eventually out through your urethra to come out in the hole in the tip of your penis (yep, the meatus – well remembered).

Knowing just a small detail of anatomy can really take the embarrassment out of a problem when explaining things. So next time you notice that something’s not right, be confident and just tell your doctor “straight up”.

DIY penis maintenance

Many male problems don’t require the attention of a medical professional. Allow GQ to fill you in.

How to clean your penis

We often gaze in awe and talk excitedly about the nose-tingling, fungus-coated, ash-rolled, squishy goodness that is a well-stocked cheese counter. That’s not what you want people to experience when getting up close and personal with your penis. The “knob cheese” that is technically known as smegma, has a particularly vile smell and builds up when the area underneath a foreskin hasn’t been cleaned. This area should be cleaned daily (just pull back) along with the rest of your genitals, your bottom and the area in between, called the perineum. Use a mild soap as these areas can be sensitive.


How to examine your scrotum

Testicular cancer is the most common cancer in young men. For this reason, every week you should examine each testis (the plural is testes) in turn between your finger and thumb by rolling the skin over them. The most common symptom is a lump of any size but you should book an appointment with your GP if you have any new feelings in the scrotal area.

On a lighter note, most lumps in the scrotum aren’t cancer, and if it does turn out to be cancer, it’s one of the most treatable forms of the disease. You should get to know your balls like the back of your hand.

Maintaining an erection

Erectile dysfunction, or impotence, is unfortunately common from middle age onwards and it’s caused by a narrowing of the blood vessels that pump blood to create and maintain an erection. This narrowing may occur for a number of reasons but high blood pressure, diabetes and smoking are high on the list. Giving up smoking seems like a no-brainer, and maintaining a healthy body weight and undertaking regular exercise reduce your risk of developing high blood pressure and diabetes.


Protect your penis from STIs

STIs are invisible and often give no symptoms for many years so you won’t know if you’ve just passed one on, so you should always wear a condom. Available free at GPs and sexual health clinics, they significantly reduce the risk of the transmission of STIs but they’re nowhere near as effective if they remain unopened in your wallet. There are so many easy ways to get tested for STIs – a simple fingerpick test can detect HIV, and many GP surgeries have urine pots to test for chlamydia and gonorrhoea that you can pick up and drop off discretely without even making an appointment. No excuses.

Be careful with trimming

Many of us take pleasure in keeping neat and tidy. There are no hard and fast rules about what to do here, but a sensible one is to exercise caution. Be especially careful in the craggy terrain of your scrotum if shaving, where it can be technically more challenging to not make a tiny cut in the skin – this could potentially introduce harmful bacteria which could cause cellulitis, abscesses or worse, Fournier’s gangrene (Googling not recommended).


Penis size really doesn’t matter to women

A 2015 survey of women presented with photographs of all types and sizes of penises published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine revealed that penis length was one of the least valued attributes. “Overall cosmetic appearance” came out on top. So no need to worry about whether your penis size is above or below average. Just keep it looking good.

Use your penis to keep it healthy

Make ejaculation part of your daily routine. Here’s why: a large Harvard study of nearly 30,000 men found the risk of prostate cancer was 33 per cent lower in men who’d ejaculated at least 21 times per month, compared to those who ejaculated only 4-7 times per month. This included ejaculations during sex, masturbation and, um, “nocturnal emissions”. Time to play catch up.

Complete Article HERE!

Much Ado About Very Little

Ya’ll are gotta get a load of this. It’s rare that one person can generate an entire column with his email exchange, but that’s what happened this month. The curious thing is that I was already preparing a column about men’s obsession with dick size when along comes this dude and practically writes the whole damn column on his own.

Check it out!

Dr. Dick,
My lover of 10 years just left me. The guy he left me for is 12 years younger. I will be forty-one in June. The primary reason that he left is because, and I quote; “you have a great body and are the most attentive lover I have ever had, but he has a ten inch dick! You cannot compete with that!” And he is right. I am only 7.5.
I have stopped going out. Every chat room online has guys that are 10 plus inches in them. So I have not been in chat rooms, gone to bars or stayed in touch with friends. The two guys I attempted to have sex with, one was a stripper who was on the cover of Inches the week after we met. The other one was an army guy that had a dick like a piece of polish sausage.
I never have been a fan of huge cocks, but now I want one. I want to be at least 9.5 inches. Can this be done through surgery? I understand that vacuum pumps do not really work.
Can you seriously offer some help or advice?
Without a Big One

Wow, WABO, you’ve come up with a really brilliant idea. Let’s all of us fight shallow with shallow!

p1.jpgHoney, you’re 41 and yet you apparently still have this adolescent GRASP on the whole dick size thing, huh? Too bad! I guess some folks just never grow up. And I hate to break the news to you, but all those guys on line, the ones with 10 inches…those are cyber inches, darlin. Cyber inches have no connection at all to real honest-to-goodness LIVE inches. Jeez, wake up and smell the coffee. You’re giving us homos a bad name.

Throughout history, men have obsessed about the size of their cocks. And when there’s attention of this magnitude paid to something this trivial, you can be sure there’s gonna be an entire industry poised to bilk the shit out of the willie worrisome, like you WABO. Hey, where do you suppose the term “snake oil” originated? Sheesh!

All of this unfortunate big-dick envy creates a never-ending parade of con artists tryin’ to sell a remedy, of one sort or another, to cure guys, just like you, of their “shame”. But, take it from Dr. Dick, the dick doctor; it’s all bullshit. And some of the bullshit is really scary and dangerous bullshit.

For every little peanut out there, (and if you are reporting your size accurately, you’re not little in any way shape or form) there is some kooky diet, ridiculous cream, bogus massage technique or worthless breathing exercise that is supposed to transform one’s mini-meat into the giant economy size. And let’s not forget the weights you can hang on your thang. Vacuum devices to pump up your thang. And of course the twenty-first century solution — cosmetic surgery — to put a happy face on your thang. The results are dubious if there are any results at all. And each has negative side effects, some of which are more revolting than others.

Here’s the last word on this — don’t waste your money on any of this crap. Or better yet, send me the money, and I’ll put it to good use. Here’s the very best advice I can offer a guy who is unhappy about the size of his schlong…learn to love what ya got and leave it the hell alone.

My overriding concern, WABO, is for your state of mind. I ask myself, what kind of person would chase after a faithless BF, disrupt an established value system and seriously contemplate physically altering his appearance with all the risks that that implies? I can only assume that this is just some kind of mid-life crisis that you’re experiencing and that this will pass with time. Hang in there, WABO.

Dr. Dick

Or should I say Dr. Dick, although I am angry and hurt I am in no way experiencing a mid life crisis. In addition, if the correct way to measure the penis is from the base to tip topside…I have done so with a fabric tape measure. The tape breaks, or bends at just past 7.5. In my experience that is small.
Just curious…How big is Dr. Dick’s cock? How big are the cocks of the guys you hire for you films and productions. I bet there are none my size or smaller. I always find it interesting that guys like Ron Jeremy or the late Scott O’Hara delving out advice to men much smaller telling them to learn to love themselves. Gee that helps a lot at a bathhouse or a play party. Guys like that, like the guy my ex left me for, never have to worry about dropping there pants after a hot date with a potential boyfriend or fuck buddy and worry about being humiliated because of the size of there cock.
I guess if I were as well adjusted or as well hung it wouldn’t be a problem.

Dear Without,

Here’s what I know.

WHAT IS THE AVERAGE PENIS SIZE? The average penis size when erect is only 5.7″ to 6″. Over 90% of men posses this size.r1.jpg

HOW TO MEASURE PENIS SIZE: The easiest way to measure the erect penis is to use a piece of string or similar and wrap it around the thickest part of the erect penis – this is usually very near the base of your dick, but the glans just below the head can sometimes be thicker.

Make a mark on the string where it meets the start of the string and then lay the string flat next to a ruler and measure the distance between the beginning and the end mark. This measurement is your penis circumference.

To find out your length, use a ruler (running along the top of your penis) to measure from the base of the penis, i.e. where the shaft meets the body, to the tip.

Dr. Dick

Dr. Dick,
I was able to find your profile online. You are quite obviously very well hung. Lucky for you. I have decided to talk to a surgeon in NYC that does this particular surgery. In addition, he is putting me in touch with men that he has performed this procedure on that have had success.
Since you are already hung well, I don’t expect you to understand. I imagine no one has ever left you because your dick was not BIG ENOUGH! I had hoped for some real and helpful advice. Instead I found your comments belittling.
Thank you,


t2.jpgDude, are you serious? You don’t know squat about me, girlfriend. And here’s a tip, the beauty part of free advice is you can either take it or leave it.

Belittling, huh? Curious choice of words in light of what we’re discussing. Take it from a professional; it is you who belittle yourself, not me. A big dick makes one a curiosity, it doesn’t make one interesting.

Have a ball with that surgeon. Maybe, if you spend a shit lot of money to get an extra inch of dick you’ll be a happier man. I doubt it, but I could be wrong.

While you’re at it, why not have the doctor put you in touch with the guys who aren’t success stories. Have you ever seen a botched dick job? Not pretty! I’d be willing to wager the cost of such an intervention that there are a lot more dissatisfied customers than satisfied ones.

The best of luck to you. Oh, and have a nice day.

Dr. Dick

Are you a real Doctor? Would you be this insensitive if I were a paying patient? I have lost my lover to someone younger because he has a bigger cock. I have not had sex in months. The two times I tried the guys were hung huge. I don’t go out and I see no possible chance for happiness without being able to compete.
Tried three therapists…one fell asleep while I was crying. One said I was too angry for his experience, the last one was a woman. What do I do?

Here’s what you should do, WABO, drop all this pathetic self-pity routine and invest in something that will make you a more interesting person, something that does not call attention to your dick regardless of its size. Either that or you’ll find yourself even more alone and bitter than you currently are. So buck up, bubby, and pull yourself together. No more whining.

Dr. Dick