What Are the Benefits of a Prostate Massage?

By Wendy Wisner

A prostate massage involves stimulating and massaging the prostate gland with a finger or sex toy for either sexual release or to treat a medical condition like prostatitis, an enlarged prostate, urinary hesitancy, or erectile dysfunction. 1

The prostate gland is a small, walnut-shaped organ located just below the bladder and in front of the rectum. Its main job is to make the seminal fluid — semen — that helps sperm travel and survive in the acidic environment of a vagina. 2

Although major medical organizations and independent healthcare providers don’t often promote a prostate massage as a medical procedure or therapy, it’s been used for over 100 years to treat conditions such as chronic prostatitis. 3

A prostate massage can be a circular type of motion, or an application of gentle pressure. It’s usually performed by a medical professional, or can also be performed by a significant other. Some people choose to self-stimulate their prostate with sex toys or fingers.

Here are the health benefits of a prostate massage, risks, and how to safely and effectively perform a prostate massage.

The health benefits of prostate massage are based on very limited studies and many of the studies are old studies. However, there is some evidence that massaging the prostate has medical advantages.

May Help With Urinary Flow

The prostate can become enlarged as people age, a condition known as benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH).2 BPH can cause the urethra to be compressed, and lead to issues with urination, such as incomplete bladder emptying, trouble starting urine, or dribbling at the end of urination.

An older 2006 study that looked at urine retention in older males found that prostate massage, combined with antimicrobial therapy and alpha-blocker therapy, helped resolve urinary retention, and allowed for effective urination in all study participants. 4

Any urination issues such as painful urination, limited flow, feeling of not being able to empty your bladder, incontinence, or blood in urine warrants a visit to a healthcare provider such an urologist.

May Help Treat Prostatitis

Prostatitis is swelling and inflammation of the prostate gland. It can be caused by a urinatiry tract infection (UTI) or a bladder infection. Although prostate massages have historically been used to treat prostatitis, research is mixed on its effectiveness.

For example, an older study from 2006 found that prostate massages were helpful for some people with chronic prostatitis, but these improvements were not significant and the study researchers deemed it needed more research.5 Another old study found that prostate massages may be helpful in treating prostatitis — specifically when combined with antibiotics.6

However, a more recent systematic review from 2018 concluded that it’s unclear whether prostate massages decrease or increase prostatitis symptoms. 7

Does it Improve Erectile Dysfunction?

People often cite prostate massages as a treatment for erectile dysfunction. However, there is no clear evidence linking prostate massage with improved sexual function.7 Still, an older published case study from 2004 found that prostate massages improved the sexual function of an elderly man.4 Other anecdotal reports similar to this have circulated, leading people to believe that prostate massage may help with sexual dysfunction. 4

May Enhance Sexual Pleasure

The prostate gland is often referred to as the male “G spot” or “P spot.” There is evidence to back up the notion that stimulation of the prostate during sex can be highly pleasurable and result in more intense orgasms. Although there is little understanding of the medical reasons behind this, studies describe rectal stimulation of the prostate as producing “ecstatic feelings” that may be even more pleasurable than stimulating the penis. 1

Prostate massage and prostate milking are similar, and both involve stimulation of the prostate through the rectum. Prostate milking is usually associated with sexual pleasure, and  its goal is to release seminal fluid from the prostate, which is released during an orgasm. Whereas prostate massage is sometimes medical in nature. 2

There are no known adverse effects associated with prostate massage.7 But the tissues lining the prostate and rectum are delicate and vulnerable to tears and abrasions. Massaging the prostate too roughly can easily lead to discomfort and soreness. A 2009 study that looked at self-administered prostate massages for the treatment of urinary tract symptoms among older males found that about 8% of study participants complained of rectal soreness with treatment. 8

Prostate massage is advised against certain medical conditions. For example, the American Academy of Family Physicians Foundation (AAFP) has warned that prostate massage should be avoided if you have acute bacterial prostatitis, or if you have a suspected case. 9< Anyone who is interested in having a prostate massage performed should check with their healthcare provider first, especially if they have any known medical conditions. Prostate massage should not be substituted for proper medical care or medical screenings of the prostate. Periodic prostate cancer screening is recommended for males aged 55 through 69. 10

Prostate massages may be performed by your healthcare provider, by your partner, or yourself. When performed by a healthcare provider, the massage may be similar to a rectal exam, where your healthcare provider inserts a gloved finger into your rectum, examines your prostate, and gently massages.

If you or your partner are performing a prostate massage, here are some things to keep in mind:

  • The massage should be done with clear consent, and should be stopped if discomfort or pain is experienced.
  • It’s important to thoroughly wash your hands or sex toys before insertion; some people prefer to wear gloves.
  • Liberal use of lubricant is advised.
  • To begin, insert your finger a few inches into the anus.
  • Locate the prostate, which will feel like a small lump.
  • Gently massage the prostate by moving your finger in a circular motion, or whatever motion feels comfortable and/or pleasurable.
  • For people who are uncomfortable with rectal stimulation, the prostate can be stimulated by massage and pressure on the perineum, which is the area located between the anus and scrotum.11 However, it may not be easy to find it that way. 

A prostate massage involves gentle stimulation of the prostate gland by inserting a finger or sex toy into the rectum, locating the prostate, and massaging. Prostate massages may have some medical benefits, such as reducing symptoms of prostatitis and helping with urine flow.74 However, the evidence for medical benefits is limited.

Many find prostate massage highly pleasurable and prostate massage may result in more intense orgasms. 1 Although prostate massage appears to be a relatively safe practice, it’s important to touch base with your healthcare provider before getting a prostate massage, especially if you have any underlying medical conditions. 7

Complete Article HERE!

How to peg for beginners

— Go slow and use lots of lube.

Pegging is typically referred to a cis woman penetrating a cis man with a strap-on dildo.

By Anna Iovine

So, you’ve heard about “pegging” and want to try it for yourself. Pegging is usually referred to a cis woman penetrating a cis man with a strap-on dildo. You’ve come to the right place; here’s how to have strap-on sex as a straight couple.

If you’re curious about pegging, you’re not alone. Pegging was named the 2023 fetish of the year by porn site Clips4Sale. In 2022, unsubstantiated rumors about a certain member of the royal family — who’s been dubbed “Prince of Pegging” — circulated online, prompting searches for “pegging” to rise by 400 percent.

A note on the term ‘pegging’

Some people may find the term “pegging” offensive. It was coined back in 2001 by sex educator Dan Savage. He asked readers to vote on what term should describe the act; other choices were “bobbing” and “punting.”

As Quinn Rhodes wrote for Refinery29, calling it “pegging” instead of what it is — anal sex with a strap-on — may reinforce the idea that it’s taboo or somehow “wrong.” It could be used by cishet men trying to distance themselves from sex queer people have because of their fear of being perceived as queer or emasculine. In our society, we’re taught that sex is a man penetrating a woman, and that he has more power/control. The penetrated partner, then, is deemed as weak or submissive.

Sex is much more than P-in-V, and doesn’t have to adhere to these stereotypical power dynamics. Sex and desires also don’t determine one’s sexual orientation.

Pegging “doesn’t magically change your sexuality,” said nightlife entrepreneur and former professional dominatrix Venus Cuffs. “The goal is to have fun with each other and safety, preparation, and communication allow you to focus on pleasure and enjoying yourselves together.”

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being queer or submissive, but these ingrained beliefs can take time to unlearn. Before having strap-on anal sex, reflect on and explore your relationship to power and penetration, advised Nicoletta Heidegger, MA, MEd, licensed MFT and sex therapist and host of the Sluts & Scholars podcast.

Why peg?

Anal sex can feel great, explained Heidegger. There are lots of nerve-endings in one’s anus, especially if you have a prostate.

Couples interested in pegging may want to expand other creative ways to experience pleasure, she continued, or struggle to feel pleasure on other body parts. Also, if one partner doesn’t want to be or can’t be penetrated, pegging can be another way to connect.

Preparing to peg

Anal sex is different from vaginal sex. While lubricant is a good idea for the latter, it’s absolutely essential for the former. The anus doesn’t naturally lubricate itself like the vagina does, and it’s also not used to anything being inserted in it (quite the opposite!). Therefore, you need to prepare yourself for anal sex. Head over to Mashable’s guide for a full breakdown of how to do so, but here’s some tips from Heidegger and Cuffs.

Talk about your boundaries, said Heidegger. Mashable has a guide to setting sexual boundaries to help out with that, too. You can watch some classes, as well; Heidegger recommends how-to videos at B Vibe and sex educator Luna Matatas’s classes.

Start small. “When you’re preparing for your first anal insertion, start your preparations with smaller butt plugs, beads, and dildos before you try to go for the desired size of your insertable,” said Cuffs. You or your partner’s fingers can also serve as preparation for something bigger, or even thrusting/grinding can get you used to the feeling of something there.

Think about what sensations you’re after when shopping for a dildo. “Some people, for example, love curved insertables and others do not,” Cuffs said. “There’s also a variety of thickness and length to consider.”

If you’re using toys, make sure they either have a large flared base or hold it if it’s not attached to your partner’s harness. “Things can absolutely get sucked into your ass and get stuck. Full stop,” Cuffs warned. “To avoid ending up in the hospital with doctors removing items from your butt, please only use items that have a base or be prepared to hold it the entire time it is inserted.”

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Pegging 101

Go slow and take your time to experiment and see what you like. Don’t try to shove a dildo in there right away — build up to it with fingers and smaller toys. You may not peg your first-ever session; that’s okay.

Decide if you want to clean out the anus (more about that in our guide to preparing for anal sex) or make dietary changes to help with your digestion (@bottomsdigest is a fun TikTok account that discusses this). Be sure to thoroughly clean any toys (and hands) before and after use.

“And of course, use lube!” Cuffs said. “Loads of lube!” It’s a good idea to have other emergency supplies at the ready, too, like wipes and gloves. Heidegger recommends getting a sex blanket as well.

As always, communication is important. Have a safe word, Heidegger said, and make sure you have a way to check-in during sex. Ask each other: what will I see and hear if you are enjoying yourself? What will I see and hear if you’re not?

“Accept that shit can happen!” Heidegger said. We’re only human after all, and we humans have bodily functions. Clean it up and move on.

Heidegger also recommends having an aftercare plan, both for if it goes well and if it brings up feelings. Trying something new in bed can do this, especially if you’re being penetrated for the first time.

With the right preparation, anal strap-on sex can be fun for both partners. Remember to take deep breaths and try to relax — that’ll help your anus relax, too.

Complete Article HERE!

Sex after prostate cancer

— Prostate cancer treatments can have side effects that may result in changes that affect intimacy, desire and function. While these symptoms are often temporary, they can be distressing and it’s important to talk to your physician about what to expect and the steps you can take to improve them.

Why this happens

As men become sexually aroused, the brain sends messages through the nervous system to the muscular walls of the blood vessels in the penis. The vessels enlarge, allowing more blood to flow into the penis. The incoming blood makes the penis bigger and harder, causing an erection.

Even if your libido is normal, your hormones, nervous system, muscles and blood vessels need to work properly to get an erection. Cancer treatments may affect your hormones, which in turn can affect your libido as well as the nerves, muscles or blood vessels that play important roles in causing an erection.

Prostate cancer treatment and erectile dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is one of the most common side effects of prostate cancer treatment. Nearly all men will have trouble getting an erection for a period of time after undergoing different types of treatment, such as:

  • Surgery. The nerves responsible for an erection (the cavernous nerves) travel very close to the prostate gland and may be injured during the removal of the prostate. Nearly all men who have their prostate removed will have trouble getting an erection for some time, even if they have a “nerve-sparing” operation. However, most men recover with time.
  • Radiation therapy. Damage to the delicate tissues involved in getting an erection, such as nerves, blood vessels or blood flow, can occur with radiation therapy. These side effects appear more slowly during the year after treatment. Men may have softer erections, lose their erection before climax (orgasm) or not be able to get an erection at all.
  • Chemotherapy. The drugs used in chemotherapy treatment of prostate cancer may affect your libido and erections if it affects testosterone production, but most men still have normal erections. Chemotherapy can also cause fatigue or distress, which can affect your sexual desire and ability to have an erection, but normal desire usually returns when treatment ends.
  • Hormone therapy. The prostate depends on androgens, such as testosterone, to do its work. Unfortunately, testosterone may help some prostate cancers to grow. The hormone treatment used in prostate cancer, called androgen deprivation therapy (ADT) blocks androgens to slow the growth of prostate cancer, but it can also decrease libido and sexual function. (ADT does not cure prostate cancer.)

Recovery after prostate cancer treatment

Time is the most important factor in recovery. The healing process for men who have had nerve-sparing radical prostatectomy (removal of the prostate) is often 18 to 24 months or more, because nerve tissue requires a longer time to heal. How much erectile function returns depends on several things:

  • The type of operation you had (one, both, or no nerves spared). Most men with intact nerves will see a substantial improvement within a year of treatment.
  • Your age: Men under 50 or 60 are more likely to recover their erections than older men.
  • Your erectile function before the operation. Men who had good erections before surgery are more likely to recover their ability to get an erection than those who had previous erection problems.

It is also common to need medications to assist with erectile function, even if you did not need them before your operation.

Rehabilitation and aids

Studies suggest that starting a program to promote erections about six weeks after surgery can help some men recover sexual function. Different methods are available, depending on your case, your level of motivation and the judgment of your surgeon. These penile rehabilitation programs focus on increasing blood flow to the area to encourage healing and help men have regular erections that are hard enough for penetration. Having two to three erections a week, even if there is no sexual activity, helps keep the tissues in the penis healthy.

Several options are available to treat ED, and they may or may not be part of a rehabilitation program:

  • Medication: sildenafil/Viagra®, tadalafil/Cialis® or vardenafil/Levitra MUSE™(a prostaglandin suppository that you insert into your urethra)
  • Vacuum erection devices
  • Penile implant
  • Penile self-injection with a prostaglandin: alprostadil/Caverjet™/Edex™

Complete Article HERE!

How to keep your sex life thriving after prostate cancer

— Poor sexual function is the most common consequence of prostate cancer treatment, but support through the NHS is patchy and many men suffer in silence.

By Laura Milne

When BBC presenter Gabby Logan and her husband Kenny, the former Scotland rugby union winger, experienced difficulties with their sex life after he had his prostate removed last year, rather than keep it under wraps, they decided to make a podcast about it.

The couple, who have been married for 22 years, discussed their issues in an interview about Kenny’s prostate cancer diagnosis and subsequent erectile dysfunction on Gabby’s podcast The Mid Point.

Kenny, 51, who won 70 international caps representing Scotland, said his wife, 50, had expected the passion in their relationship to be reignited “immediately” after his operation and when he was unable to perform, it knocked his confidence badly.

He said: “When we first tried to have sex after the operation, Gabby said, ‘Oh, it’s not working, that’s it, it’s not working’. You didn’t even give me a chance. What actually happened from that was my confidence went rock bottom.

Gabby and Kenny’s experience is far from unusual. In the UK, prostate cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer in men and more than 395,000 were living with it, or had been successfully treated for it, in 2018.

According to the Life After Prostate Cancer Diagnosis (LAPCD) study of 35,000 men in the UK, funded by men’s health charity Movember, poor sexual function is the most common consequence of prostate cancer treatment (79 percent with prostate cancer compared with 48per cent of men in the general population).

Unfortunately, the problem remains one that is either not addressed routinely or at all in prostate cancer care.

The LAPCD study found that 56 per cent of men were not offered any help with sexual dysfunction following their treatment.

Problems with sex can lead to stress, anxiety, anger and even shame.

Some men don’t like to talk about vulnerable feelings because they think they should be “strong and silent”. Others avoid talking because they’re overwhelmed or trying not to burden their partner.

But learning how to face these challenges and work through them can strengthen your sexual wellbeing, explains Dr Karen Robb, Implementation Director for Cancer at Movember. “Sexual wellbeing – the balance between the physical, social and emotional aspects of sex – has not always been a common topic of conversation, but fortunately that is changing,” she says.

“Talking about sex after prostate cancer can be uncomfortable but open communication between you and your partner, if you have one, is a key part of sexual recovery following treatment. Acknowledge what has changed for you so that you can do something about it, with the right support.”

Almost every kind of prostate cancer treatment, including surgery, can cause sexual dysfunction, the most common of which is erectile dysfunction or ED, following a prostatectomy (surgical removal of the prostate).

This means that although you may feel aroused or in the mood for sex, chances are you’ll have difficulty getting an erection.

Why does ED happen after prostate cancer surgery?

“Surgery to remove the prostate affects the nerves and blood supply around the penis,” explains Karen. “The penis needs a healthy blood flow to get an erection. Without this, it won’t become as hard as it did before surgery.”

During surgery, the entire prostate is removed. The nerves that help create erections run down the left and right sides of the prostate gland. The surgeon can usually take out the prostate without causing permanent harm to the nerves on either side.

But if your cancer is too close to the nerves, they may need to be cut out.

How long does ED last after surgery?

It might take some time to improve, and the level of function you get back depends on a number of things including your age, lifestyle, any medications you take and whether you had nerve-sparing surgery.

As Karen explains: “Some things you can work on, such as exercise and keeping a healthy weight.

“Some are a bit more out of your control. However, all are things you can talk about with your doctor and see what recommendations they have that can help.”

What can you do about ED after prostate cancer?

Sex and intimacy after prostate cancer can look different for everyone, but there are options to keep your sex life thriving. Exploring new ways to have sexual pleasure and intimacy is essential after treatment and can even be a way of improving your erections.

There are different types of ­medication and sexual aids that you can try, all with pros and cons.

Everyone is unique so you may need to try out a few options a number of times and perhaps in combination to settle on the best solution for you. Discuss this with your healthcare provider.

To support men and their partners following prostate cancer treatment, Movember has launched an evidence-based online guide
called Sex and Intimacy After Prostate Cancer.

Informed by sexual health experts, it covers ED, dealing with physical changes after surgery, connecting with a partner, restoring intimacy, and coping with stress and anxiety. It also provides practical strategies, such as exercises, information about medication and devices, and how to have conversations with your doctor or care team.

“It’s vital to talk and not to just ignore it”

Chris Pedlar, 56, took early retirement from the Environment Agency in 2022 after 33 years, and lives with his partner in Devon. Nine years ago, Chris became the third generation in his family to bediagnosed with prostate cancer.

“My grandfather died from prostate cancer and my father was treated for it when he was 60. He went on to live for another 25 years, cancer free. He made sure that I started having PSA tests at 45 and I was picked up as having medium-risk cancer at 48.

“I opted for surgery rather than radiotherapy as I knew I would have the option of additional radiotherapy later on.

“Due to my father’s experience, I knew beforehand what to expect. Although I recovered quickly from the surgery itself, I had some of the usual side effects, including erectile dysfunction and some minor urinary problems, which I’ll have for life. I tried all the usual interventions such as injections, which made me feel terrible, and pumps which, while they serve a purpose, are a huge commitment. It didn’t put me off seeking advice though.

“Sex is an important part of a relationship and just because you’ve had a cancer diagnosis, it doesn’t mean that part of your life is over.

“Cancer can put a massive strain on a relationship – it affects both partners and you need to be able to talk about it honestly with each other. My partner and I have found that humour is the best way to deal with the problems we had, and I was determined from day one, this was not going to get me down.

“Because of the stage my cancer was at when it was discovered, I wasn’t able to have nerve-sparing surgery. That meant drugs like sildenafil (Viagra) shouldn’t have worked for me because of the nerve damage caused by the surgery. Everyone’s situation is different, but I never gave up hope, and after three years I asked my doctor if I could give sildenafil a try to see if it would help in any way, and I was pleasantly surprised to find it worked for me.

“From the beginning, I decided to be very open about my cancer. I recognise that not everyone deals with the experience in the same way. A lot of men bury their heads in the sand and won’t ask for help, even though it is having a negative impact on their lives.

“I was comfortable with talking to my doctor about ED because I wanted to find a solution – but a lot of men are reluctant to even mention it and so they just suffer in silence, which can have a negative effect on their mental health and their relationships.

“We need to work harder to break down those barriers that prevent men from talking about problems seeking help and seeing their GP when they need to.”

Complete Article HERE!

‘Between pleasure and health’

— How sex-tech firms are reinventing the vibrator

British firm MysteryVibe’s original vibrator was designed to alleviate pain in the vagina.

A new wave of sex toys is designed to combine orgasmic joy with relief from dryness, tension and pain

By

At first glance, it could be mistaken for a chunky bracelet or hi-tech fitness tracker. But the vibrations delivered by this device will not alert you to a new message or that you have hit your daily step goal. Neither are they strictly intended for your wrist.

Welcome to the future of vibrators, designed not only for sexual pleasure, but to tackle medical problems such as vaginal dryness, or a painful and inflamed prostate gland in men.

“The current standard of care if you go to a therapist, gynaecologist or urologist, is they will insert one or two fingers to reach the painful areas and massage them to alleviate the pain,” said Soumyadip Rakshit, CEO and co-founder of sex-tech company MysteryVibe.

“We bring together the best of biomedical engineering to recreate what currently works, so people can access these therapies easily, discreetly and cost effectively.”

MysteryVibe is not the only company that is striving to alter our relationship with sex toys. A “smart vibrator” developed by the US-based startup Lioness contains sensors that measure women’s pelvic floor movements, allowing them to track how their arousal and orgasms may be changing over time or in response to stress or alcohol. An “erection ring” developed by US company FirmTech claims to enhance men’s performance while tracking the duration and turgidity of their erections and the number of nocturnal episodes they experience – an indicator of cardiovascular health.

Dr Rakshit in the lab. MysteryVibe is funding research to back up their scientific claims.

“There are a number of different products that are now sort of skirting the line between pleasure and health,” said Dr Rachel Rubin, a urologist and sexual medicine specialist based in Washington DC. “These companies today are focusing on [pelvic] anatomy and physiology, and using what we know to try to enhance pleasure, joy, intimacy and fun.”

MysteryVibe’s laboratory – the only facility conducting vibrator research and development within the UK – is incongruously housed in a former dairy in a rural business park near Guildford, Surrey. The first clue that this is no standard office unit is an issue of Playboy tucked behind a magazine about technology startups. Then I spot a tray of wand-shaped mechanical devices, in various states of undress, their bright components resembling children’s Duplo blocks.

These are stripped-back Crescendo vibrators, MysteryVibe’s original product, which was designed to target and release tender areas inside the vagina and alleviate pelvic pain, for example in women whose pelvic floor muscles have been damaged as a result of childbirth.

“The simple answer to pelvic pain is physiotherapy. But most mums either are unaware of this, or don’t have the time and/or money to pay for it,” Soumyadip said.

Registered as medical devices, and marketed at scientific conferences, such products are a far cry from the oversized dildos traditionally stocked by sex shops. MysteryVibe is even funding research to back up their scientific claims. Preliminary results from a small trial involving 11 women with genito-pelvic pain or penetration disorder – where the muscles around the vagina contract whenever an attempt is made to penetrate – suggested that using the Crescendo device three times a week for 12 weeks resulted in significant improvement.

Larger randomised trials are needed. But other scientific evidence supports the use of vibrators in various female health conditions too. According to a recent review by Dr Alexandra Dubinskaya, a urologist at Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, and colleagues, they can improve pelvic floor muscle function, facilitate the treatment of vulvar pain and enhance women’s sexual experiences.

“We know that vibration causes vasodilation, meaning the vessels that bring blood to the organs get wider and can bring more blood. It also promotes neuromodulation, meaning it can retrain the nerves – especially those nerves responsible for pain perception,” Dubinskaya said.

Such products are also finding favour with pelvic health physiotherapists such as Katlyn Nasseri at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago, US. She said that people experience pelvic pain due to overactive muscles, stress, anxiety, conditions such as endometriosis and polycystic ovary syndrome, and childbirth injuries.

Trauma or inflammation can cause the pelvic floor muscles to become overly toned, resulting in pain. Nasseri likens using a vibrator to using a massage gun to relieve stiff muscles elsewhere in the body: “Vibration is great for muscles; it helps them to relax really well. The same principle applies to the muscles of the pelvis.”

MysteryVibe’s latest products, scheduled for release later this year, are a vulval vibrator for women experiencing vaginal dryness and/or low libido, and a prostate vibrator designed to be inserted into the anus to relieve pain in men with inflamed prostate glands.

The MysteryVibe lab is the only place conducting vibrator research and development in the UK.

“The three common things that happen to men are that the prostate becomes larger as they become older, or it gets a cancer, and the third is prostatitis – inflammation, pain or infection in the prostate gland. Of these, perhaps the most difficult to treat is prostatitis,” said Prokar Dasgupta, a professor of urology and MysteryVibe’s medical director.

“One of the treatments is regularly massaging the prostate. This allows the congealed secretions inside the prostate that are the cause of the problem to come out. Rather than a urologist doing this manually, it can be done by the patient themselves using this device.”

Men also have pelvic floor muscles and can hold tension in them, just like women, said Rubin: “This can cause symptoms such as urinary frequency or urgency, pain with ejaculation, erectile dysfunction or premature or delayed orgasm.

“In addition, the prostate is very rich with nerves and pleasure spots that can really aid in orgasm and arousal.”

MysteryVibe’s vulval vibrator is designed to sit outside the body, can be moulded to a woman’s physiological dimensions, and can even be worn during intercourse. Whether it actually counters menopause-related dryness or reduced libido is as yet unproven, but menopause expert Dr Shahzadi Harper of The Harper Clinic in London suspects it might.

“We often say use it or lose it, but when you’re feeling tired, when your hormones change, when you’ve got so many other things going on, sex can slip down the sort of priority list. This is a nice gentle way to get confidence back in your body, reignite those nerve endings and boost blood flow to the clitoris and pelvic area, which stimulates the cells that help with lubrication.”

Dr Paula Briggs, chair elect of the British Menopause Society and a consultant in sexual and reproductive health at Liverpool Women’s NHS Foundation Trust, said that a vulval vibrator could stimulate collagen-producing cells in the vaginal wall to become active again, reversing some of the thinning that occurs following menopause. Although regular sex can achieve a similar thing, “the difference with a vibrator is that the woman is in control”.

She now advises patients to experiment with a small, tapered vibrator because penetration can be difficult, and often very painful, for such women. Briggs cautioned that vibrator use alone was unlikely to combat vaginal dryness in women whose arousal issues stem from psychological causes, including physical or emotional trauma or stress.

Kate Walsh, physiotherapy lead at Liverpool Women’s Hospital, agreed. Combined with other techniques such as mindfulness and breathing exercises, a vibrator can help women to “reprogram” the way their bodies process sensation, helping to make sex pleasurable again.

“Women will come in with all sorts of gadgets and gizmos that they’ve spent money on, but if they don’t understand the context of why they’re doing this, it is unlikely to work,” she said.

“I’m not saying that someone who is struggling with pain or arousal needs to jump straight into psychosexual counselling, but they’ve got to understand that what’s feeding it isn’t always just a physical thing – the physical and psychological interact.”

Complete Article HERE!

A Guide to Using Prostate Massagers

By Nina Smith

When it comes to sex toys, most people automatically think about the toys that are used for female pleasure. Men, however, don’t have to be sidelined when it comes to using toys in the bedroom.

Prostate massagers are a largely unexplored part of sexuality for most men, but we believe that the stigma around male sex toys needs to be broken. If you or your partner are looking to experiment with a prostate massager, here is everything you need to know before diving in.

What is a Prostate Massager?

If you weren’t already aware, men can experience orgasm through prostate stimulation. In fact, it is said that a prostate-induced orgasm is the male equivalent of a woman’s orgasm through her G-spot. Some experts even refer to the male prostate as the P-spot.

It is a different kind of orgasm than the one you would experience through stimulation of the penis due to the difference in muscle contractions that occur during the climax. A penile orgasm typically involves four to eight muscles, but a prostate orgasm involves around a dozen muscles. This makes for a far more intense orgasm.

If you are looking to experience this more intense climax, then it’s time to bring in the help of a prostate massager. If you are having sex with someone with female genitalia, or if you are engaging in solo sex, a prostate massager is going to be the best way to experiment with prostate stimulation. Although these orgasms may be more satisfying, they also require more skill to achieve. But with a little bit of time and practice, you are sure to be achieving unbelievable orgasms in no time.

A prostate massager will look similar to a standard dildo. While some dildos are designed to mimic the shape and appearance of a penis, others have a sloped design to hit the female G-spot. Prostate massagers look more similar to the latter. The “come hither” design on G-spot dildos and prostate massagers help the device to hit in just the right spot.

Many of these designs come with a second head or “rabbit” design which allows for the vibration to hit not just the P-spot internally, but also externally. The external head will rest right between your anus and scrotum while the internal one will be inserted. Most devices will come with a variety of vibration settings for you to test out so you can find what works for you.

Where to Get a Prostate Massager

Although we find no shame in walking into a sex shop and asking to purchase a prostate massager, we are also aware that everyone’s comfort level surrounding this topic is different.

If you are looking for a discrete way to acquire a prostate massager, you will be glad to learn that many shops that sell prostate massagers online will ship their products in discreet packaging and some will even disguise the charge on your credit card. This is great for people who live with roommates, family, or anyone else that you want to keep out of your private sexual activities.

How to Use it

So now that you know all about prostate massagers and the orgasms that you can achieve, let’s talk about how to actually use one. If this is your first time inserting anything into your anus, you are going to want to take your time. Try not to force the device in. Instead, wait for your muscles to relax before insertion. And don’t be afraid to use lubrication to help everything go more smoothly.

Once you are able to insert the prostate massager, you are going to want to experiment with what feels good. This typically involves finding the right places to stimulate yourself. Move the device around and experiment with different vibration modes to find what you like, and before you know it you’ll be having orgasms that you never even thought were possible.

Clean Up

This should go without saying, but make sure that you clean your prostate massager after each use. Some devices are designed to be used in the shower or bath so cleanup will be easy if you purchase one of these waterproof designs.

If your design isn’t fully waterproof, make sure you read the instructions before cleaning so you know how to properly wash and care for your toy without damaging the electronic parts.

Start Experimenting!

If you are ready to break the stigma around male sex toys and start having intense and incredible orgasms, it’s time to try out your first prostate massager. Use it on yourself, or have a partner help you out to spice things up in the bedroom. Everyone deserves a little fun every now and then, so what are you waiting for?

Complete Article HERE!

Maintaining Your Sex Life After Prostate Cancer

Sex may be different after prostate cancer treatment, but it can still be enjoyable

If you have prostate cancer and your healthcare provider recommends treatment, you might be wondering how your sex life may or may not be affected. You’re not alone if you have questions about this, as this is a common concern.

“Treating prostate cancer is about treating the whole person,” says urologist Raevti Bole, MD. “We have many effective therapies to help you resume intercourse if that’s your goal. But we want you to feel like you can talk to your provider and partner about your issues or concerns.”

Dr. Bole explains how your sex life may evolve after treatment and answers some commonly asked questions.

Can you have sex after prostate cancer?

Sexual and urinary side effects are common after prostate cancer treatment. “But yes, we can help most people get back to a satisfying sexual experience, though this may look different after treatment,” says Dr. Bole.

There are two gold-standard treatments for prostate cancer:

  • Radical prostatectomy removes your prostate gland and the two small glands at the base of your prostate called seminal vesicles. Pelvic lymph nodes may also be removed as part of this operation.
  • Radiation therapy delivers radiation to your entire prostate to destroy cancer-specific cells, and often the pelvic lymph nodes as well. If you opt for radiation therapy, you may receive androgen deprivation therapy to reduce testosterone in your body. This combined approach provides improved overall treatment.

New treatment options, such as high-intensity focused ultrasound therapy and cryotherapy, are being investigated for the potential to treat focused areas of the prostate gland and potentially lessen sexual side effects. But these treatments are typically only an option for certain types of prostate cancer, and you may eventually need a prostatectomy or radiation therapy down the line. Consultation with a urologist who specializes in prostate cancer is the best way to determine if you’re a candidate for any type of focal therapy.

Sex after prostate biopsy

To confirm a diagnosis of prostate cancer, you need to have a biopsy. During this test, your healthcare provider collects a sample of prostate tissue to look for cancer. They can do this in one of two ways:

  • Transrectal biopsy: This biopsy occurs by inserting an ultrasound probe into your rectum and then using a needle to pass through that probe to get the sample cells from your prostate.
  • Transperineal biopsy: This biopsy is taken by inserting a needle into the skin of your perineum (the area of skin between your genitals and your anus) to remove sample tissue cells from your prostate.

Though you may be sore for a couple of days, there aren’t any restrictions on sexual activity after having a biopsy. It’s common to notice old blood in your ejaculate for up to a month or two. This typically goes away on its own as you heal and isn’t associated with pain. Infection is a risk after a biopsy, though the risk is much lower when it’s taken through your perineum.

“For the vast majority of men undergoing an uncomplicated biopsy (either transrectal or transperineal), long-term sexual function should not be affected,” reassures Dr. Bole.

In most cases, if you’re feeling well, you should be able to ejaculate or have sex again when you feel ready. If you participate in receptive anal sex, you should wait for two weeks or until you’re fully healed, especially if you had a transrectal biopsy. But if you experience any blood, pain or swelling, you should refrain from sexual activity until you meet with your healthcare provider.

Sex after prostatectomy and radiation therapy

Once your provider confirms a diagnosis, they’ll discuss your treatment plan with you. Both prostatectomy and radiation therapy can affect your sexual performance in the following ways:

Anal sex safety

Your anus doesn’t create its own lubricant, so the tissue inside of your anus is delicate and susceptible to tearing. Luckily, that tissue heals relatively quickly. If you have anal sex, it’s important to let your surgeon know before you have your prostate removed. Your surgeon will help you determine when it’s safe to insert anything anally. In most cases, it’s OK to participate in anal sex after six weeks.

“Know your body and take your time,” advises Dr. Bole. “If you’ve waited to heal after prostate removal, but you have anal intercourse and notice pain or blood, talk to your surgeon who may advise you to wait longer.”

In some cases, having your prostate removed may affect your ability to enjoy receptive anal sex.

Erectile dysfunction after prostate cancer treatment

For some people, undergoing prostate cancer treatment can result in some difficulty getting or maintaining an erection. This erectile dysfunction (ED) occurs because the nerve bundles that help control erections sit behind your prostate.

Surgeons make every effort to leave these nerve bundles intact, but the nerves may become damaged. If the tumor has grown into your nerve bundles, your surgeon may remove the nerves entirely.

“Erectile dysfunction is not uncommon after prostate cancer surgery, but the level of effect is variable in the short and long term,” explains Dr. Bole. “Your prognosis depends on your erectile function before treatment, your age and whether your nerves were spared. Erectile function can improve for up to two years after surgery, but it’s possible that it does not return to normal. This is also affected by natural aging and any other health conditions you have.”

Radiation therapy can also affect the nerves around your prostate depending on the type of radiation, your age and health conditions. According to Dr. Bole, in general, five years after radiation therapy, about half of people have some level of erectile dysfunction.

Orgasm after prostate cancer treatment

You can orgasm after prostate cancer treatment, but it usually results in a dry orgasm. With a dry orgasm, no fluid comes out of your urethra when you climax. But you can still feel the pleasurable sensation of climax.

Why do you have a dry orgasm? If you had a prostatectomy, the procedure removes the seminal vesicles (which produce and hold your semen) and cuts the vas deferens, so there isn’t any semen to come out. And radiation therapy causes the tissues in and around your prostate, including your ejaculatory ducts, to become fibrous, or stiff and dense. Although there isn’t a reliable treatment to improve a dry orgasm, it’s a common condition where up to 90% of people who receive radiation therapy can develop dry orgasms over time.

Climacturia after prostatectomy

Climacturia is when you leak any drops of urine during an orgasm. Though this number can vary, on average, climacturia can occur in about 25% of people after prostate removal. Studies have found that of these people, only half of them have enough climacturia to be bothersome.

Lack of interest in sex after prostate cancer treatment

Androgen deprivation therapy often accompanies radiation therapy and reduces testosterone production in your body. When you have low testosterone, you could experience a decrease in your sex drive (libido). “The general stress and anxiety of treatment may also affect your desire to have intercourse,” notes Dr. Bole.

Infertility after prostate cancer treatment

If you’ve had your prostate removed, you can’t get someone pregnant through intercourse. After surgery, you no longer produce semen, which carries sperm when you ejaculate. Radiation therapy also reduces semen production and affects your ability to make sperm.

If you’re considering having children, talk to your healthcare provider before prostate cancer treatment. There are several options for preserving fertility before cancer treatment or retrieving sperm (if you have them) after treatment.

Treatment options for ED after prostate cancer treatment

Sex is often different after prostate cancer treatment, but it can still be enjoyable. “Treatments for ED are often focused on penetrative intercourse,” says Dr. Bole. “But the sexual experience is often not just about penetration. We work with you to discuss your goals for sexual health or intimacy with a partner.”

Treatments for ED include:

Erectile dysfunction medications

There are many medications to treat ED, including Viagra® and Cialis®. “These medications are often the first treatment we recommend,” says Dr. Bole. “They are inexpensive, and if you don’t like them, or they don’t work well for you, you can stop taking them at any point.”

Penile rehabilitation

The goal of penile rehabilitation is to reduce the risk of permanent ED before you have treatment. It focuses on increasing oxygenation and preserving the structures of the erectile tissues to prevent long-term damage. The theory is that helping people regain erections earlier than later after treatment could prevent long-term damage. Think of it as a “use it or lose it” approach.

This is an active area of research and there’s no standard protocol that’s been proven best for every person, says Dr. Bole. Your oncology team may recommend their preferred protocol, such as oral medication, to promote the early return of erectile function and, hopefully, longer-term recovery.

Penile injections

Medication you inject into the base of your penis, called intracavernous injections, can improve your ability to stay erect. Your healthcare provider can teach you how to inject the medication for times when you want an erection.

“The medication takes about 10 or 15 minutes to take effect and may not be the best option if you have a fear of needles,” notes Dr. Bole. “But if you’re looking for a better erection after prostate treatment, and the oral medications are not working, injections can be very effective.”  

Vacuum constriction device

A vacuum erectile device (also known as a penis pump) draws blood into your penis to help you get an erection. Usually, it comes with a rubber ring you slip down over the base of your penis to hold the blood in. It can be a good option if medications aren’t working well or you don’t want surgery.

Surgery

There are several types of penile implants to improve erections, including:

  • Malleable prosthesis, a noninflatable implant that’s always semirigid and you bend it up or down.
  • Inflatable implant, a device placed in your penis that inflates using a pump in your scrotum.

Climacturia treatment

If you have climacturia, pelvic floor muscle therapy can help you improve urinary control. This noninvasive treatment involves simple exercises to strengthen the muscles that help regulate urination.

Surgery is another option. Your healthcare provider can insert a sling made from synthetic mesh-like surgical tape around the area of your urethra to reposition it. The pressure caused by the sling often helps prevent leakage.

People with climacturia may also experience erectile dysfunction. “In the instance you experience both, we can do a combined surgery to put in a penile prosthesis and a sling to address both problems,” says Dr. Bole.

Therapy for you and your partner

Sex therapy, couples therapy and support groups are important resources for people who’ve undergone prostate cancer treatment and their partners. Sex can often be an uncomfortable topic, especially if you or your partner are experiencing changes in sexual behavior and are unsure of how to communicate your feelings. If you’re experiencing shame or embarrassment, or feel like you’re inadequate, please know that these side effects of prostate cancer treatment are common and (in most cases) treatable with the right tools and therapies.

Some therapeutic options that can be beneficial after your treatment include:

  • Couples therapy centers around your relationship with your partner. It can help resolve conflicts and find ways to communicate better about things that are upsetting to you and your partner. A couples therapist can help you discuss these issues, so they don’t interfere with your relationship.
  • Sex therapy focuses on sexual intimacy and helping couples show affection with and without penetration. That may include the use of sex toys or other activities you may not have considered before. Some sex therapists even specialize in working with people who have or who’ve had cancer.
  • Support groups connect you with others going through the same experience as you. They can help you understand what to expect and how others have handled specific challenges. Many people find support groups as a source of hope and comfort, and your healthcare provider can help connect you to these resources should you need them.

“Our goal is to make sure you live the longest, healthiest and most fulfilling life possible,” says Dr. Bole. “We treat cancer to protect your life, then we help get back your quality of life. If intimacy and intercourse are important to you, we can help you get back to experiencing those again safely.”

Complete Article HERE!

How Do I Bottom?

Bottoming 101 for queer men, we explain the practicalities of preparing for anal sex, and answer the oft-asked question: Does it hurt?

By

Before I discovered porn, I thought bottoming was impossible — a myth that guys on my Varsity football team used to tease each other about, but one I didn’t actually believe. A penis can’t really go in a butt, right? Then I found a video. I watched it slide in, move in and out — fucking — and saw that full, terrifyingly painful stroke, tip to balls, in a man’s ass for the first time. That moment sealed the truth: Bottoming was real, and I had no clue how to do it.

That brings me to my my first piece of advice for anyone looking to bottom: Do not compare your experience to porn. When my first sex attempts didn’t happen like porn, I assumed I was doing something wrong. Your first experience won’t be like porn. Your second experience won’t be, either. In fact, most of your sex life won’t resemble porn — because porn isn’t reality. Porn creates an impossible fantasy, one that porn stars themselves can’t do in real life. I’ve worked on professional porn sets and can assure you: All the messes, failures, half-starts, and struggles happen in porn, too. They just get edited out.

In part one of this guide to bottoming, I explored fundamental questions surrounding the act — “Am I a bottom?” — along with how to mentally and emotionally prepare for receptive anal sex. Now I’ll talk about what you need to do to prepare physically — the mechanics, safety tips, and ass care information you need to know.

How do I prepare to bottom?

Many people douche before bottoming, meaning they use water to clean the lower part of their rectum — the space in your butt just inside your hole — to flush out any poop before sex. An easy way to do this is to buy an enema. A disposable one purchased at a drugstore or pharmacy will do the trick (don’t forget that many are filled with laxatives, which you must empty and replace with water before using), or a larger squeeze bulb with a plastic or silicone nozzle, purchased from a sex novelty shop or online.

As your skill develops, your douching regimen will probably change. You’ll discover what kind of douche you want to use, learn different cleaning methods, or find that you don’t really need (or want) to douche at all. Many people don’t, and you don’t always need to douche to have an enjoyable experience bottoming.

What you eat plays a major role in how “clean” your butt can be. If you eat a high-fiber, veggie-heavy diet and avoid excessive red meat, your poop will be less messy and more “together,” meaning the douching process will be minimal — which is what you want. Some people with careful diets skip the douching process altogether and are naturally “ready to go” (vegetarians and vegans especially). Incorporating a fiber supplement like Metamucil into your diet can help. Most people do not consume enough fiber, which is vital to your overall gastrointestinal health (and makes anal sex easier and less messy — double win!).

When you’re new to douching, go slow. Lube up the tip of your enema with a body-safe lubricant (I recommend silicone-based lube), and slowly insert the nozzle into your hole. Gently squeeze the bulb and slowly fill your butt with water. Note: You don’t need to squirt a huge amount of water up there, at least not when you’re a beginner. More advanced forms of sex require more extensive cleaning regimens, which do require more water, but that’s not for beginners. When you’re starting off, there’s no need to empty the bulb. You don’t need much.

After you do this, your butt might feel strange and “full.” To avoid discomfort, make sure the water is warm — not hot — before you start. Hold it in for a few seconds, then gently release the water into a toilet. Repeat this until the water runs clear.

Some safety tips: Go slow! Also, don’t stick the nozzle all the way in — there’s no need to, and you can hurt yourself if you’re not gentle enough. And make sure you try to release all the water into the toilet when you’re done — water left in your butt can cause discomfort later on.

Don’t freak out if you can’t get totally clean. Anal sex always involves some likelihood that you’ll encounter poop. Yes, you can get pretty clean, but cleaning out is not a requirement for bottoming. Many people, including some medical professionals, recommend skipping douching in the first place, washing your butt with soap and water, putting a towel down, and simply cleaning up any mess after. No matter what you choose to do, you cannot completely control your body. Just enjoy it.

What happens if I’m not clean?

Then you’re not clean. Don’t panic. Don’t call yourself — or your sex — a “failure.” You will have many sexual experiences in your life where you’ll think you’re clean until your body has other plans. It’s not a failure. Your body is simply doing what it does.

You can clean and clean for hours and still not be totally “clean.” But you shouldn’t clean for hours and hours in the first place. Flushing your butt can disrupt and dry out the good bacteria in your colon that you need to process waste, so cleaning for too long isn’t healthy. You also shouldn’t douche every day for this reason. Remember: You can’t control your body.

The only thing you can control is what you eat, and eating a healthy diet that’s high in fiber and low in red meat will make your cleaning process much easier.

Does bottoming hurt?

It might on your first attempt. Bottoming is rarely a delightful experience in the beginning, because you don’t know what you’re doing. Why does it hurt? Because the anal walls have to expand to accommodate a penis, dildo, or other object, and that can be painful — especially when you’re new to the sensation. But don’t worry; once you get better at it, it feels great.

No sex is perfect when you’re a beginner. That’s why you need practice. Also, there are ways you can train your butt muscles to relax, stretch, and make the experience easier (see the last question of this guide).

Some people recommend taking a deep breath when your sexual partner first enters you. Others recommend “pushing out” while someone is fucking you. While these classic first-timer techniques to minimize pain have certainly helped many folks relax, they’re not the first ones I recommend.

I’ve trained several first-timers for bottoming (as well as for more extreme forms of anal sex play), and here’s my best suggestion: While your sexual partner gently slides a finger in, take ten deep breaths, breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. “Squeeze” their finger with your butt, hold the squeeze for a few seconds, and then relax. Repeat this a few times while you mentally “check in” with the body. In your mind, start with the top of your head and slowly relax your muscles, “scanning” down your spine, down your legs, and ending at your hole. Close your eyes and picture your butt, and picture it opening, expanding like a circle. Keep “gripping” and releasing their finger until you’re ready for them to add another finger. Work up to two fingers, then three, until you feel comfortable gripping them — in control, powerful, flexing your butt muscle.

Tell them when you’re ready to try their dick, dildo, or any other sex toy in your arsenal. Breathe slowly and lead. You’re in control. You tell your partner when to move, when to go forward, when to stop, when to move again. Just as you did with their fingers: Grip, release. Grip, release. Breathe deeply and slowly, and guide them into you.

How do I protect myself from HIV and other sexually transmitted infections?

Micro-tears in the anus happen pretty easily when you have anal sex. The walls of the rectum (the inside of your butt) are delicate. If you’re new to bottoming and haven’t trained your butt to relax, your risk of tearing and pain is higher.

Some tears are worse than others. Most are pretty painless and heal up quickly on their own. More severe ones are called “fissures,” and these you will probably feel. They may itch, sting, or burn when you try to have sex or use the bathroom. Fissures usually heal on their own, too, but it’s still a good idea to see a doctor you trust, who knows what kind of sex you’re having.

While micro-tears or fissures are rarely very painful, they become open gateways for infection. Unprotected bottoming is a high-risk activity for sexually transmitted infections like HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and more. This is why it’s important to protect yourself.

PrEP is a once-a-day pill you can take to prevent HIV infection. So far, the only drug approved for PrEP is Truvada, but more drugs are on the way. Condoms are also incredibly effective at preventing STIs like chlamydia, syphilis, and gonorrhea, and the combination of condoms and PrEP greatly reduce your risk of contracting all of these.

Other STIs, like oral and genital herpes and HPV, are so common that if you’ve had any amount of sex, you may have already been exposed to them. Most sexually active adults have some strain of HPV. That said, you should talk to your doctor about getting the three-part Gardasil vaccine for HPV, even if you’ve already been sexually active. For people who haven’t had sex yet, Gardasil vaccinates them against strains of HPV most commonly associated with certain types of cancer. Even if you’ve already been very sexually active, Gardasil is still recommended to fight future strains of cancer-associated HPV.

Get your body and your butt regularly inspected by a doctor for warts and other signs that you might have an infection. If you’re having sex, you should get a full-range STI test every three months, minimum. Many STIs are asymptomatic, meaning you won’t know you have them, so it’s important that you get tested often, especially if you’re HIV-negative.

How do I get better at bottoming?

Improving your sex skills takes time, practice, and — in my opinion — some butt training. Not every bottom trains their butt to prepare for the experience, but I did. After I learned to enjoy the sensation of my ass opening and stretching, my skills drastically improved, and sex finally became really fun.

Buy a small butt plug (no larger than an inch in diameter), preferably one made of smooth, soft silicone. Lube it up generously (with silicone toys, use water-based lube), and slowly slide it in. Concentrate on the feeling of the stretch and slowly — slowly! — get comfortable with it. If you feel pain, stop, breathe, relax, and continue when you’re ready.

Once the plug is all the way in, take a deep breath, adjust to the feeling of it being inside you, and slowly — slowly! — pull it back out. Breathe, relax, and repeat. (Pro tip: This is way more fun with a playmate you trust, who is patient and will listen to your needs.)

You will probably find — as I did — that after you stop clenching and finally relax your butt, the feeling of your hole opening feels really good. And then it feels great. After working with the same small plug for a few weeks (or as long as it takes to feel enjoyable), try a slightly bigger butt plug. If it’s too much, stick with the smaller one until you’re ready. Gradually build size and speed, and above all else, focus on enjoying the feeling. If it’s not enjoyable at any point, stop.

Here’s what you’re doing: You’re training your hole to open, and you’re training your mind to relax and enjoy it. Your body has an impulsive reaction of tightening your muscles and clenching when something feels uncomfortable. Training your mind and body to not clench — to relax, to trust the person you’re playing with, and to feel pleasure — is the most awesome part of the journey.

Complete Article HERE!

Look for Dr Dick’s take on this timely topic HERE!

Let’s talk about sex

— Tailoring prostate-cancer care for LGBT+ people

Workers with the UK National Health Service take part in the London Pride Parade in 2019.

By Julianna Photopoulos

In 2007, 55-year-old Australian sociologist Gary Dowsett was diagnosed with prostate cancer. On the basis of his relatively young age and his test results, his physicians told him that radical prostatectomy — surgery to remove his prostate completely — was his best option. The procedure went well, but Dowsett had questions — he wanted to know how it would affect his sex life as a gay man, and how to negotiate the physical, sexual and emotional changes that would result from his treatment. For the most part, his questions went unanswered. “Medical professionals were sympathetic, but most knew next to nothing about gay men,” says Dowsett.

Having worked in social HIV/AIDS research for about 40 years, Dowsett, an emeritus professor at the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society at La Trobe University in Melbourne, was shocked to discover how far behind prostate-cancer physicians and researchers were in understanding men’s sexuality. “It was all about erections, as if sex starts and ends there,” he says. There were no patient-education materials available for men who have sex with men; nor was there much scientific literature. “There was quite a bit for heterosexual men in terms of intimacy with their wives,” Dowsett says. But for gay and bisexual men, who are more likely than heterosexual men to be single when diagnosed with prostate cancer1, and might engage in different sexual practices, little of that applied. “That’s really what got my dander up,” he says.

Physicians might not realize that the needs and concerns of gay and bisexual men are different from those of heterosexual men, says Channa Amarasekera, a urologist and director of the Gay and Bisexual Men’s Urology Program at Northwestern Medicine in Chicago, Illinois. Although the biology of prostate cancer is the same for all, the impact that the disease and its treatments have on a person can vary significantly depending on their sexual orientation and preferred sexual practices.

Dowsett started working in prostate-cancer research after his treatment. He and other researchers have made considerable progress in documenting the experiences of people from sexual and gender minority groups, and uncovering the impact that prostate-cancer treatments have on them. “The quality of life is really affecting some people, and we need to recognize that,” says Daniel Dickstein, a radiation oncologist at Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City. However, evidence of the problems facing gay and bisexual men will not by itself enable clinicians to advise their patients properly: empowering physicians with evidence-backed guidance, and improving communication, will also be crucial.

Understanding the impact

The prostate, a gland which lies along the urethra between the bladder and penis, is the second most common site of cancer in men worldwide, trailing only slightly behind lung cancer. About one in six gay and bisexual men will develop prostate cancer; there is little research into its incidence in transgender women. But it is only in the past decade that research into prostate cancer specifically in gay and bisexual men has gained interest, says Simon Rosser, a behavioural psychologist at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis.

Prostate cancer is typically treated by removing the gland through surgery, or by killing cancerous cells using radiation. These can be combined with androgen-deprivation therapy, in which the person’s levels of testosterone are reduced to slow the growth of the tumour.

Common side effects of these treatments include urinary incontinence, erectile dysfunction, a reduced libido and impaired ability to ejaculate. These are broadly similar for all patients, but some differences have been noted between heterosexual men and gay and bisexual men. One study, for example, showed that gay and bisexual men have worse urinary, bowel and hormonal function than heterosexual men after treatment for prostate cancer, but better erectile function2. Similarly, a study led by Jane Ussher, a clinical psychologist at Western Sydney University in Australia, found that gay and bisexual men are more likely than heterosexual men to be able to get and sustain an erection after prostate-cancer treatment3. “One of the reasons for that is that they are more likely to do something about it — like to go and get counselling, try penile injections and suction devices, or use Viagra,” she explains.

In many cases, the impact of sexual dysfunction arising from prostate-cancer treatment is magnified in gay and bisexual men. “Due to differences in sexual practices, they may have additional concerns, and some sexual side effects will be more bothersome or challenging to manage,” says Sean Ralph, a consultant therapeutic radiographer at Leeds Cancer Centre, UK, and co-founder of Out with Prostate Cancer, the United Kingdom’s first prostate-cancer support group for gay and bisexual men and transgender women.

For example, an erection must be 33% firmer for anal intercourse than for vaginal intercourse4. This makes any loss of erection hardness more of a problem for men who engage in insertive anal intercourse — not purely the preserve of gay and bisexual men, but nonetheless a part of many such relationships.

Channa Amarasekera talks to a seated patient while a nurse takes his blood pressure
Channa Amarasekera (right) consults with a patient at Northwestern Medicine in Chicago.Credit: Northwestern Medicine

The prostate also acts as an organ of sexual pleasure and orgasm for some people through anal stimulation. “Many men think prostate stimulation is the be-all and end-all in gay sex,” says Rosser. If the prostate is removed, in many cases so, too, is the pleasure for men who have receptive anal intercourse5. Rosser also estimates that one-third of these men experience anodyspareunia, or pain during anal intercourse — double the rate before treatment. And removing the prostate puts a stop to ejaculation. “That was a real blow for me,” says Dowsett. Visible semen can be a sign of a satisfying sexual experience. In a 2013 study, Dowsett and his team found that men who have sex with men were more distressed by the loss of ejaculate than were heterosexual men6.

Communication blockage

A 2016 study led by Ussher found that gay and bisexual men with prostate cancer report significantly lower quality of life and satisfaction with treatment than do heterosexual men1. In some cases, the psychological impact might be made worse by the fact that many people are not made aware of all of the consequences of their therapy beforehand.

Dowsett notes that the loss of the ability to ejaculate after a radical prostatectomy was absent from much of the public-health literature at the time he was diagnosed — he learnt of it only after he went for a second opinion. Similarly, Ussher says that many people are not told that their penis can shorten after a radical prostatectomy, or that this is sometimes temporary. Failure of health professionals to discuss these highly relevant effects of treatments with their patients often leads to lasting anger, distress and harm, says Rosser. “It’s an ethical violation in my mind,” he says.

Physicians also commonly overlook the specific side effects for people from sexual and gender minorities — essentially taking away their ability to make an informed decision about their treatment, Amarasekera says. When physicians do consider a person’s sexuality, there are actions that might improve quality of life. For example, Dickstein suggests that inserting a hydrogel spacer between the prostate and rectum, which reduces the amount of radiation the rectal wall is exposed to, might improve a person’s ability to engage in receptive anal intercourse.

There are also risks that particularly affect gay and bisexual men that could be avoided if physicians are made aware. For example, men are usually advised to resume sexual activity soon after prostate-cancer treatments to help with erectile function, but receptive anal intercourse can cause damage. Clinicians should also consider the use of drugs called poppers in this group of people, Dickstein says. These inhaled drugs, made from chemicals called alkyl nitrites, are commonly used by gay and bisexual men to relax their anal sphincter muscle and enhance sexual pleasure. However, if they are combined with Viagra — often prescribed for erectile dysfunction — the results could be devastating, warns Dickstein. Both drugs lower blood pressure, and the mixture could cause serious cardiovascular problems.

Unfortunately, most physicians do not ask people about their sexual orientation or practices7. “This sets up a don’t-ask-don’t-tell dynamic where patients can’t be honest with you about who they are and what their problems are,” says Amarasekera. Urologists have reported concern about offending their older, more conservative patients by asking about their sexual orientation. “But the majority are not offended,” says Rosser. “All you need to do is ask.” The fact that transgender women are at risk of prostate cancer is also often forgotten (see ‘Targeting treatment for transgender women’).

Targeting treatment for transgender women

Prostate cancer in transgender women is thought to be rare — but it does occur. “Trans women will have a prostate, even if they’ve had gender-affirmation surgery,” says Alison May Berner, an oncologist and gender-identity specialist at the Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust in London. However, advice for physicians on caring for this population is lacking.

“A lot of physicians forget to check trans women’s prostate,” says Channa Amarasekera, a urologist and director of the Gay and Bisexual Men’s Urology Program at Northwestern Medicine in Chicago, Illinois. And even when they do, subsequent care cannot follow an identical path to that for cisgender men. For example, gender-affirming surgery that some transgender women undertake could be more difficult if they have already had radiotherapy for prostate cancer. “Surgeons do not like operating on parts of the body when they have been treated with radiotherapy,” explains Sean Ralph, a consultant therapeutic radiographer at Leeds Cancer Centre, UK.

There is also no level of prostate-specific antigen (PSA) — a common biomarker for prostate cancer — that is agreed to be cause for concern in transgender women. Gender-affirming hormone therapy artificially suppresses PSA levels, meaning a low PSA reading in a transgender woman might not mean a clean bill of health, as physicians might otherwise assume.

But there are potential positives. Worries that treatments are in some way feminizing might not be an issue for some transgender women or non-binary people. In addition, some scientists think that gender-affirming hormone therapy might actually protect against prostate cancer. A study by researchers in the Netherlands of 2,281 transgender women who received androgen-deprivation therapy and oestrogens found they had a lower risk of prostate cancer than did cisgender men10. “Gender-affirming hormones reduce the testosterone to the prostate which usually drives the cancer,” explains Berner. However, the hormones used in other parts of the world can differ, so the data might not be transferable to other countries.

In many cases, the problem is a lack of education and training among clinicians. Amarasekera has found that many urologists have received less than five hours of instruction on how to treat people from sexual and gender minorities7, and most felt that they needed more.

There is, for example, a lack of guidance on how to discuss the various sexual roles that a gay or bisexual person can take on in anal intercourse, and the implications for treatment. “One might identify as a top or insertive partner, a bottom or receptive partner, or might be versatile and engage in both, and that may change the treatment discussion,” explains Dickstein. In some cases, changing roles after treatment could improve quality of life. However, such a change will not be acceptable for everyone. “It’s not as simple as, I’ll just change a role — both the psychological and social consequences of that are much more complicated and long-term,” warns Dowsett.

It is therefore important that conversations between physicians and patients go deeper than covering just sexual orientation. “You have to move past orientation and understand sexual preferences or interests if you really want to take into account the whole post-treatment experience,” Dowsett says. And this goes for people who are heterosexual, as well — even though the average age of diagnosis is 66, Dowsett says that many people might be willing to try new things, including sexual aids, to improve their quality of life after treatment if physicians are able to discuss it. “It’s very hard to shift the urology and oncology fields to stop thinking about straight men with prostate cancer as being their grandfathers,” Dowsett says.

Culture of trust

Another obstacle to tailoring treatment to gay and bisexual men is that some people might not be forthcoming about their sexual orientation because of mistrust or past trauma. Many people will have had negative experiences with health-care services, says Ralph. For example, one gay man in his support group had surgery without disclosing his sexual orientation because he was worried that his operation would be performed in a careless manner if the clinicians knew he was gay. Others will choose to wait until they have met the physician to decide whether they feel safe to discuss it with them, or simply assume that the physician would be able to tell without having to discuss it openly.

To address this, last year Amarasekera launched a programme specifically to help people from sexual and gender minorities to access care. “There was a significant number of patients who identified as gay or bisexual who felt like there wasn’t a space where they could be open about what their issues were when it came to prostate-cancer treatment,” he says. In 2019, the UK National Health Service (NHS) adopted the rainbow-badge initiative, in which staff can opt to wear a badge that marks them as an ally for LGBT+ people and a safe person to talk to. Clinicians applying for the badge do not receive specific training, but are expected to read some brief information and pledge to promote inclusion. “However, the onus is still on the patient to disclose their sexual orientation or gender identity,” says Ralph.

The guidance available to prostate-cancer clinicians and patients is also improving. The American Society of Clinical Oncology and the US National Comprehensive Cancer Network note that discussions on sexual activity and sexuality are important for cancer treatment, although they still do not address specifics of how to tailor screening or treatment to gay and bisexual men.

In 2021, Ralph published recommendations on anal-sex practices before, during and after prostate cancer interventions8. The advice is based on the opinions of 15 clinical oncologists and 11 urological surgeons in the United Kingdom. It includes recommendations on how to long to wait before engaging in receptive anal sex after radical prostatectomy and radiotherapy, as well as after a biopsy and before a test for prostate-specific antigen — a blood test that is commonly used in screening, but which can be invalidated by prostate stimulation.

To provide further recommendations for clinicians, much more research on people from sexual and gender minorities is required, Dickstein says. “It’s difficult to offer patients advice,” he says. “I can’t say this is the treatment that you should choose because it’s better for having anal receptive intercourse — I seriously do not know.” Evidence for how different treatment approaches might affect problems such as anodyspareunia, for instance, is lacking.

Research into gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men has been hampered by small sample sizes, says Rosser. The largest such research sample, collected by Rosser in 2019, included 401 people9. “Cancer registries do not routinely collect data on gender diversity and sexuality,” says Ussher. “We don’t know how many people out there with cancer identify as queer, bisexual, gay or lesbian, or who are trans or have an intersex variation.”

We still have a long way to go, says Rosser — not just in terms of research, but also in educating patients and clinicians on how to communicate with each other about sexual orientation and practices. “This might take a while,” he says. But it is essential that prostate-cancer treatment is tailored to each person’s needs. Equitable care does not mean treating everyone the same, Dowsett says, and any clinician who holds that opinion is wrong. “You can still treat people fairly and equally, but must recognize differences that require different responses.”

Complete Article HERE!

Prostate Massage

— Overview, Benefits, Risks, and More

By Emily Morse, PhD

Prostate massage is a procedure in which a finger is inserted into the rectum to stimulate the prostate gland either for sexual stimulation or to treat medical conditions such an enlarged prostate, prostatitis (prostate inflammation), erectile dysfunction, and urination hesitancy (difficulty urinating).

This article will discuss the medical and sexual purposes of prostate massage. It also covers how the procedure is done, along with the risks and side effects that may come with it.

Purpose of Prostate Massage

The goal of prostate massage is to release excess seminal fluid—the fluid that mixes with sperm to create semen—from the ducts of the prostate gland. This is thought by some to ease inflammation, promote urination, and relieve symptoms of prostate conditions.1

The prostate gland is located between the bladder and the root of the penis. It produces seminal fluid that nourishes and transports sperm during ejaculation.2 The urethra (the tube through which urine and semen exit the body) runs through the center of the prostate.2

Certain prostate conditions are thought to benefit from prostate massage, including benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) and prostatitis.3

Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia (BPH)

BPH is the enlargement of the prostate with age. While the prostate is usually the size of a walnut, for those in their 60s or older, the prostate can reach the size of a plum or even larger. This can cause the compression of the urethra and urinary problems such as:4

  • Urinary frequency: Peeing eight or more times per day
  • Urinary urgency: The inability to delay urination
  • Nocturia: Frequent peeing at night
  • Trouble starting a urine stream
  • A weak or interrupted urine stream
  • Dribbling at the end of urination

Prostatitis

Prostatitis is the inflammation of the prostate gland. It can be caused by a urinary tract infection (UTI) or a bladder infection. But, it can also be due to things like vigorous bicycle or horseback riding or the use of a urinary catheter.5

For some people, prostatitis can occur spontaneously for no known reason, mainly in older males. Unlike BPH which is progressive, prostatitis can clear (although some people may experience recurrence).5

Symptoms of prostatitis include:5

  • Urinary frequency or urgency
  • Urinary retention: Inability to empty the bladder fully
  • Trouble starting a urine stream
  • A weak or interrupted urine stream
  • Dribbling at the end of the urine stream
  • Pain in the groin, lower abdomen, or lower back
  • Painful ejaculation
  • Urinary tract infection (UTI)

Sex and the Prostate Gland

Some people also regard the prostate gland as the “male G spot.” The prostate, penis, and urethra are all attached to a group of nerves called the prostatic plexus that are activated during orgasm.6

Massaging the prostate gland manually (with a finger) or during anal sex is thought to enhance sexual pleasure.

Evidence of Benefits

The current evidence supporting the therapeutic benefits of prostate massage remain weak and largely subjective.

One study published in the journal Open Urology and Nephrology reported that 115 males with BPH experienced an improvement in symptoms after using a prostate massage device.7

However, the significance of the findings was limited by the lack of a control group, medical tests, or exams of any kind. The researchers instead relied on questionnaires filled out by the participants.

Some contend that prostate massage can treat conditions like erectile dysfunction, which can sometimes arise due to BPH medications. Although prostate massage may enhance the intensity of ejaculation, there is no evidence it can overcome problems like erectile dysfunction.8

Possible Side Effects

The tissues lining the prostate and rectum are delicate and vulnerable to cuts, tears, and abrasions. Massaging the prostate too intensely can easily lead to soreness. In the study described above, for example, 8.3% of participants reported discomfort after a prostate massage.7

Overly aggressive prostate massage can also cause rectal bleeding, creating a risk of bacterial infection or aggravating hemorrhoids.

Furthermore, manual prostate massage is discouraged for males with acute bacterial prostatitis. The massage increases inflammation and may promote the spread of bacteria to the urethra, other parts of the urinary tract, and the bloodstream.9

That said, a few small studies of the effects of prostate massage performed by a physician have shown it to be beneficial as a therapy for chronic prostatitis when paired with antibiotics.10

Contraindications and Risks

Males suspected of having prostate cancer should not be treated with (or engage in) prostate massage, as this may cause tumor cells to break off and spread to nearby tissues.

There’s some evidence that prostate massage, prior to certain tests for prostate cancer, may increase the sensitivity of the test, making it more likely the cancer will be detected.

However, a prostate-specific antigen (PSA) blood test should not be conducted immediately after a prostate massage, as this could lead to false-positive results.11< Even if cancer is not an issue, it's important to avoid injuring the prostate. The thin, pliable membrane covering the prostate—the prostatic plexus—is full of nerves that serve the sponge-like corpora cavernosa of the penis.

Massaging the prostate too intensely can damage nerves in the corpora cavernosa—two chambers composed of erectile tissue that run the length of the penis. Damage to the corpora cavernosa can result in pain and erectile dysfunction.

How to Prepare for a Prostate Massage

Prostate massage is considered a pleasurable sexual practice by some men. If you try it, to prevent injury or discomfort, you should:

  • Trim and file fingernails to prevent scratches, cuts, or tears to the rectum or prostate.
  • Wash and dry hands thoroughly prior to performing prostate massage.
  • Apply generous amounts of silicone or water-based lubricant (ideally fragrance-free) to help prevent rectal damage or discomfort.
  • Consider wearing latex or nitrile gloves for added protection.
  • Before receiving a prostate massage, perform a light douching to remove fecal matter from the rectum.

Never engage in a prostate massage if you or your partner has fissures or hemorrhoids. Doing so can cause bleeding and may increase the risk of infection.

How to Do a Prostate Massage

If performing prostate massage for sexual purposes, it often helps to achieve a state of arousal first. Doing so moves the gland into a slightly upward and backward position as the penis becomes erect.

  1. Apply lube liberally around the anus.
  2. Insert an index finger slowly to the first knuckle and start masturbating.
  3. Pull the finger out and re-apply lube.
  4. As you continue to masturbate, replace your finger back into the anus, this time to the second knuckle.
  5. Repeat steps 3 and 4 until you reach the third knuckle.
  6. Once the finger is fully inserted, search for a rounded lump roughly 4 inches inside the rectum and up towards the root of the penis. This is the prostate.
  7. Gently massage the prostate in a circular or back-and-forth motion using the pad of a finger. You can also apply gentle pressure for seven to 10 seconds, again with the pad of a finger rather than the tip.

Summary

There is very little evidence to support the claims that prostate massage is an effective therapy for prostatitis, enlarged prostate, or other conditions that affect the prostate.

It is clear, however, that prostatic massage comes with risks for males who have bacterial prostatitis, prostate cancer, fissures, or hemorrhoids. For them, prostate massage should be avoided, as it can worsen their condition.

Complete Article HERE!

What is Pegging?

Understanding the Sex Act You Might’ve Just Heard About

by Katherine Speller

If you’re here you are probably the right mix of open-minded and curious to want to find out what pegging is, exactly. Maybe you had a partner ask you about trying it when you mix things up, a match on a dating app with a love for anal play mentioned it in passing or maybe you watched the now-iconic pegging episode of Broad City and it caught your attention. That’s not at all surprising.

Now, we’re not here (nor are we ever here) to pass judgement on what anyone likes in bed or who they do it with, provided all parties involved are grown-up, game and thoroughly into it. So if you’re looking for pearl clutching, finger wagging or whatever, this probably isn’t going to be the strap-on festooned post for you. Sorry!

But we are here to explain pegging to the thus far uninitiated. And, really, it’s not that scary or scandalous at all.

So what is pegging?

The term “pegging” was first coined by Dan Savage all the way back in 2001 to describe when a cisgender man is penetrated by a partner who is a cis-female using a strap-on. But as attitudes around gender and gendered roles of who “naturally” gives and receives penetration have evolved, enlightened and grown up, the term is now used to describe most penetration with a strap-on (which is just a two-piece sex toy that includes a dildo for penetrating and a harness to keep it on the person doing said penetrating).

Not to make it all sound underwhelming or uninteresting, because it most certainly isn’t that! But what is referred to as “pegging” is also literally just how some people with some body parts have intercourse depending on who likes what sensations. So that’s to say that it’s not particularly kinky or (snort) deviant in the realm of sexual pleasure humans enjoy — so, while there’s no reason to feel shame for any of your desires, there’s additionally no reason to feel weird or shameful about being into it.

How does it work?

We’ll have a variety of answers to this one because bodies and tastes are so wonderfully diverse! But the short answer is: Like any other kind of penetration.

For people taking their first steps into anal play in general, I’d very much advise you pick up a toy and anal-friendly lubricant
— as that hole is not self-lubricating and not all lubes play well with sex toys— and some fun toys of varying sizes (with flared bases please!) to get started. This will help all partners get a feel for what they like, what feels good and what maybe gets to the edge of their comfort zones. You definitely start with a thorough conversation and negotiation of those comfort zones and maybe a finger before getting too deep (literally or figuratively) with additional toys.

Once you’re sure you’re comfortable and sure you’re both into it, you’ll want to invest in a strap-on with the right fit: You’ll want something that can be hands-free, comfortable (there are inclusive sizes available at a lot of your favorite sex toy retailers!) and provide the giver with the pleasure they want and that also has a dildo — or several — that aligns with what their partner being penetrated would like to experience.

There are smaller strap-ons designed for beginners that are less intense and girthy, so don’t freak out if you come across something that seems too big early on in your shopping experience. Feel free to search out “small strap ons for pegging” too and see if you can’t find something that feels like a fit. There might be some trial and error along the way and that’s totally fine!

From there, you’ll just want to make sure you’re practicing safe and responsible sexual citizenship: Use a safe-word or stoplight system if you feel it’s necessary (the red, yellow and green can be helpful for making each step a little more explicit and bypass some awkward fumbling), check in with your partner throughout the actual intercourse and aftercare, practice good sex toy hygiene which, in addition to thoroughly cleaning your toys, means using condoms if you would otherwise be using condoms.

Why does it feel good?

Again, the exact mechanics of what feels good and why will vary depending on the biological equipment each individual is packing and their own tastes. But the short answer is: All kinds of bodies have nerve endings in strategic places that will get stimulated from this kind of play.

For people with penises and prostates the pleasure from being on the receiving end of penetrative sex takes place in the prostate, primarily. Often referred to as the P-spot or the male G-spot (though, to be clear, not everyone with a prostate is a male!), the prostate is the gland that produces some of the fluids in semen, as WebMD notes, and is surrounded by nerve endings that can be an awesome source of pleasure and even cause orgasms when it’s stimulated or massaged either through penetration or via stimulating the perineum (the area between the scrotum and the anus).

So pegging is a great opportunity to achieve that pleasure via penetration (usually with a toy, once the receiver is ready for one). But these folks might also benefit from the friction and thrust if they’re in a face-down position, so it can be an experience with tons of opportunities for stimulation. Strap-ons can also be used by people with penises who either don’t want to or can’t penetrate the way they’d like to with theirs (particularly for people dealing with cases of Erectile Dysfunction) or other organic penetration issues. Some are even cool for double penetration!

Meanwhile people with vulvas on the giving end (whether penetrating another partner with a vulva or penetrating any partner anally), the pleasure is all about the clitoral stimulation you get from grinding against the toy (not unlike dry-humping). Some also have vibrating functions, of which we’re obviously fans. People with vulvas receiving this kind of penetration probably doesn’t need explaining, but rest assured: It feels good for them too!

But since the most powerful human sex organ remains the brain, the pleasure can also come from there.

Particularly if you’re someone who was socialized as a cis-man and internalized the scripts about consistently being the giver of penetration and pleasure (or socialized as a cis-woman to believe you’re meant to only be the receiver), there’s an excitement and validation that comes with flipping these scripts and embracing wholly the kind of sex that feels right to you and your body with your partner. Which can be really cool, if not totally euphoric to experience! Mix that up with all the nerve endings being stimulated and you’re set up for a pretty fun time. Mix and match with any of your other various kinks and interests and you might be unlocking a whole new layer to the pleasure you and your partner(s) can have.

Though it might seem intimidating at the outset, pegging is just another of the many ways people can experience all the sexual and sensual pleasure their bodies have to offer. So if it’s caught your interest and your partner is on board, you shouldn’t be afraid to give it a try.

Complete Article HERE!

Should I be out here milking prostates?

Everything you need to know about achieving a “dry orgasm.”

By Tracey Anne Duncan

I feel like I have a basic familiarity with sexual landscapes across the board but honestly, the prostate is kind of a mystery to me. I don’t have one and since I only had sex with people with vaginas for like ten years, I apparently missed some important innovations in the seminal sciences. I was today years old when I learned about prostate milking. But I am nothing if not DTF (down to find out, pervs) so I asked a urologist to help me investigate the latest vegan nut milk craze.

First of all, if you haven’t heard the term “prostate milking,” before that’s because it is a new colloquialism. What it refers to is prostate massage, though, which is not new at all. “I’m gay and I talk to a lot of my friends about sex,” Joshua Gonzalez, an LA-based urologist and sex educator for Astroglide, tells me. “Prostate stimulation amongst gay men is fairly common,” Gonzalez explained, but even he hadn’t heard it referred to as “milking,” which made me feel a lot better. If a gay dick doctor hasn’t heard the term, then it was probably invented by dude-bros and is therefore kinda sus.

Basically, what people are calling prostate milking is actually just prostate massage vigorous enough to get the prostate to secrete fluid, Gonzalez explains. Yes, in case you didn’t know, the prostate — a gland which is located just below the rectum but above the bladder of penis-havers — does make a kind of fluid. It’s definitely not milk, but it is a whitish liquid that is sort of the perfect base to carry sperm in because it’s rich with enzymes. Prostatic fluid — a.k.a. milk — makes up 20-30% of ejaculate, which is also comprised of semen and testicular fluid. In other words, prostatic fluid is not what we generally refer to as cum, but it is one of the main ingredients of cum.

Here’s the thing: It’s apparently kind of hard to get the prostate to secrete its fluid, which is why a lot of people refer to the orgasms produced by prostate milking as “dry orgasms.” But just because the name is kind of off, that doesn’t mean that the orgasms made by stimulating the prostate aren’t bangers. “Orgasm doesn’t necessarily have to do with fluid,” says Gonzalez, “it’s not that different from clitoral or vaginal orgasms.” In other words, if you have a vagina, you already know that you don’t have to squirt to have a good time, and neither do dicks. IYKYK.

So, then, should I be out here milking prostates or what? Gonzalez didn’t offer an opinion on my personal sex practices, but he does say that prostate stimulation is pretty great. “Direct prostate stimulation can be pleasurable,” says Gonzalez. But, he adds, it’s helpful to know where the prostate is before you go sticking your finger up your ass (or someone else’s). “For most people it’s not as deep into the rectum as their index finger.”

Like the clit, you will know the prostate when you find it, Gonzalez says. Some people call the prostate the P-spot because it’s kinda like the penis-haver’s G-spot. Gonzalez has some pro tips for this kind of anal adventure. “A lot of people will just sort of stick their finger in,” he says. But if you look at any prostate-specific toys, you will notice that they’re curved. That’s because you access through the rectum, but it’s actually more towards the front of the body, so you have to curve your finger and press forward to get at it.

So, if you’re milking yourself and you are laying on your back, press towards your belly button, says Gonzalez. If you’re on all fours and someone else is stimulating you, press down towards the belly button. Basically, no matter who’s milking who, press towards the navel to find the prostate. He recommends using a lot of lube and says that if anything feels painful, it’s time to stop.

Also, in case you’re scared that having your prostate stimulated will make you poop: It won’t. “If you don’t have any poop in the rectum, you won’t poop,” he explains. But, Gonzalez adds that having your rectum stimulated can make you feel like you are going to poop. If that happens, Gonzalez says to relax. In prostate milking as in life, clenching will make the whole project a lot less fun for everyone.

Complete Article HERE!

6 Positions That Make Anal Sex Easier & Less Intimidating

by

Let’s be real. Even for those of us who have a generally open-minded, been-there-done-that attitude about sex, the thought of anal sex can still seem a little scary if you’ve gone there. For one reason or another, anal is usually the final frontier sexually — and there can be a whole lot of buildup.

But our greatest fears often lie in anticipation, and once you give anal a go, you might just find that you’ve been missing out on something that can actually be really hot and satisfying. We checked in with some experts and asked them to take the mystery out of anal sex, and they schooled us on some positions that can help ease you into your first time to actually make it an enjoyable experience.

Arm yourself with these tips and a lot of lube, and you’re on your way to one kick-ass time.

Cowgirl (or cowboy)

In the traditional cowgirl position, your partner lies down while you mount on top — yeehaw! As the partner on top, you can ease into anal penetration by moving up or down as needed. Pro tip: Make sure your bottom partner does not begin to thrust until you’re good and ready.

Certified Master Sex Expert and Educator, Sex Coach and “So Tight” Sensual Fitness Personal Trainer Nikki Ransom endorses the cowgirl position for anal newbies. She explains, “This position will allow you to control the pace and depth that his penis goes inside of you. Remember to go at an easy pace and stay relaxed. It helps to have had an orgasm already and be highly aroused.”

Jessica O’Reilly (a.k.a. Dr. Jess, Ph.D.), author, international speaker and PlayboyTV’s sexologist, offers an alternative to the cowgirl in her book The New Sex Bible, “If she doesn’t like the sensation of deep penetration, but he desires more stimulation against the base of his shaft, she can reach backwards with a warm, wet hand to grasp the lower half of his shaft. Her hand becomes an extension of her butt while providing a physical buffer to ensure only shallow penetration.”

Doggy style

This position is most often associated with anal because it has major advantages. As the partner on the bottom, you can stay loose as you control penetration to increase pleasure. Getting busy on all fours may be your best bet if you have attempted and found anal painful in the past.

Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels, co-authors of Designer Relationships, Partners in Passion, Great Sex Made Simple, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality, recommend doggy style for first-timers and those who may have had an unpleasant experience before. The couple says, “Anal sex should never be painful. Always use plenty of lube and proceed slowly and gently.” Ransom adds, “Rub and stimulate your clitoris too to make it even more pleasurable.”

In The New Sex Bible, Dr. Jess has a different take on doggy-style anal sex. She recommends the modified doggy to give the receptive partner more control, support intimacy and provide the opportunity for double penetration. Dr. Jess explains, “She assumes a kneeling position with her butt cheeks on her heels and her knees spread wide open. She places her hands on her knees or the bed for support. He assumes the same position behind her and adjusts his height so that the head of his [penis] rests below her bum. He remains static as she lowers herself onto his head and takes a few deep breaths before sliding farther down his shaft. She drives her butt and hips up and down at her own pace as he reaches around to fondle her breasts or rub her clitoris.”

Face to face

This position is preferred if you are looking for extra intimacy during the act. Start with your partner sitting as you mount his lap, face-to-face. Once again — as the partner on top, you can control depth of penetration to stay comfy. Face-to-face anal has the added bonus of extra stimulation for a woman: breasts, clitoris, go crazy!

Johnson and Michaels love face-to-face anal for the toe-tingling intimacy it provides. They confirm, “This position facilitates using eye contact and breath to build even more arousal.”

Dr. Jess agrees. She says, “I like this position as it allows the ‘mounter’ to exercise a good amount of control of the depth and rhythm of penetration. Wear a vibrating c*** ring for this one to provide extra pleasurable sensations as the top partner grinds against his shaft.”

Good old missionary with a twist

When it comes to anal, missionary will never steer you wrong. Approach this favorite vanilla sex position with a backdoor twist: In the missionary position, place your legs on his shoulders. With the right amount of lube and relaxation, even initial penetration should be pleasurable.

Missionary is easy-peasy for most maiden voyages, but Johnson and Michaels caution that this anal move may not work for everyone, “Some people may not be sufficiently flexible for this position.” For those who are flexible and looking to try new things, Dr. Jess explains her take on missionary, “Better yet, place the soles of your feet against his shoulders so that you can push back and release according to your preferences.”

On the stomach

Anal on the stomach is comfortable and easy, with the right prep work beforehand. First-timers can relax and make penetration enjoyable by lying on top of a pillow placed under the stomach. For women, this elevates the backside nicely and still gives enough room to stimulate other body parts.

 

Johnson and Michaels recommend incorporating sex toys into the act to keep things interesting, “This is a great position for stimulating your own clitoris or using a vibrator.”

Because of the opportunity for sex toy play, Dr. Jess adds that on-the-stomach anal can be especially favorable to the ladies. She says, “This is one of the best anal sex positions for women (as the receptive partner), as she can reach down to stimulate her pubic mound and clitoral shaft with her hand or a flat vibrator (try the We-Vibe Touch). The dual stimulation helps to increase arousal, which heightens relaxation to create a cascade of orgasmic sensations.”

Spooning, with a twist

We are all familiar with spooning for some great side-by-side action. Spooning is also a top choice for anal since both partners are more likely to be relaxed. As the “little spoon,” you can make penetration easier by curling up and pulling your upper legs slightly toward your upper body. And while you’re at it, here’s a naughty little secret to double your pleasure — use a vibrator to get to the finish line.

According to Dr. Jess, spooning is the perfect first-time anal position for lovers. Johnson and Michaels add a helpful tip from their own bedroom experience, “You can give your partner a better view of the action by holding your upper leg just below the knee and opening up.”

Ransom also believes that spooning is ideal for a pleasurable beginner anal experience. “This is a great position to stay relaxed in. It also allows for clitoral stimulation and vaginal stimulation for a trigasm.” She advises, “Stay relaxed — your partner should enter you an inch at a time. Then, allow your anus to become accustomed and relax around his penis. Then [he can] enter you another inch and another, and continue until he is all the way in. Be sure to have plenty of lubrication with any anal penetration.”

Complete Article HERE!

Prostate Play

How To Massage One To Orgasm

By Erika W. Smith

People born with a penis are also born with a prostate — a walnut-shaped gland wrapped around the urethral canal. It’s often compared to the G-spot, because the prostate’s location is in a similar location inside the body and both can feel amazing when stimulated. People of all sexual orientations love prostate play, which makes sense, because it can lead to intense pleasure and orgasms.

Massaging the prostate to orgasm is sometimes called “prostate milking.” People with prostates can do this alone or with a partner, using either fingers or a sex toy. Prostate milking “provides a full-body orgasm, versus a penile orgasm, which is strictly genital-based,” We-Vibe’s sex expert, Dr. Chris Donaghue, tells Refinery29.

There are many reasons why someone might try prostate milking. “Exploring prostate stimulation has psychological, biological, and sexual health benefits,” Dr. Donaghue says. “When the anal area is shunned, it becomes constricted and tense, and avoidance of this area leads to shutting down other connected areas in the pelvis, which creates sexual issues with erections and ejaculation.”

That’s right: prostate milking can lead to stronger erections and orgasms. There are also many other sexual health benefits. “Prostate milking helps flush out the prostate, increases blood flow to the pelvic area, and strengthens pelvic floor muscles,” Dr. Donaghue says.

But most people who love prostate milking do so simply because of how it feels. “The biggest reason for exploring the prostate is to unlock higher arousal and levels of pleasure,” Dr. Donaghue says. “The prostate is a man’s most direct access point to explosive orgasms — orgasms that are longer, hotter, and can lead to the ability to have multiple orgasms.”

Megwyn White, Somatic Sensuality Guide and Director of Education at Satisfyer, adds that prostate milking has additional health benefits. Along with enhancing sexual pleasure and orgasms, it can “release blockages and improve flow of urine” and “be an effective treatment for prostatitis,” a condition in which the prostate gland is inflamed, causing difficult or painful urination, groin pain, and sometimes flu-like symptoms. Prostate milking “helps free the prostate of what’s called ‘expressed prostatic secretion,’” she explains. “This action leads to a prostatic secretion getting released from the prostate, and also has the potential to stimulate profoundly intense orgasms, and ultimately act as an overall reset to the sexual arousal cycle.”

If prostate milking sounds intriguing and you’d like to try it, start slowly and use lube. White says it’s important to relax before beginning: “Think about the practice of prostate milking as an incredible way to take you into a deeply surrendered state so remember to try not to over control your experience.”

You can try different positions to see what works best, such as squatting or lying on the back with knees bent. Dr. Donaghue says, “I always recommend getting used to having the anal area touched first by massaging externally in the shower or during masturbation, and then later practicing putting your finger internally. The prostate best responds to gentle pressure.” If there’s any pain or discomfort, stop and check in with your healthcare practitioner, because this could be a sign of an underlying health issue.

Both Dr. Donaghue and White mentioned it may be easier to use a sex toy than a finger, especially if you’re going solo. Dr. Donaghue recommends the Vector by We-Vibe, while White suggests the Satisfyer Beads. And while prostate milking can make masturbation feel even better, it can also be a lot of fun to try with a partner — who might combine prostate stimulation with oral sex or a hand job. The possibilities are endless.

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A Guide to Pegging Your Partner With a Strap On

Here’s why pegging has a special name, how to do it safely, and all the best toy recommendations to try it out.

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Can pegging make your partner a better lover? Some people, including experts in the sex and relationships field, certainly think so.

“When I have sex with cisgender men, the ones who receive anal penetration are much better lovers than those who haven’t,” says kink-friendly sex therapist Liz Powell. Well, if that’s not enough motivation to explore this misunderstood and even controversial activity, I don’t know what is.

Of course, the decision to try pegging with a strap on is completely up to the individuals involved, and many folks are wonderful sexual partners regardless of whether they’re interested in this form of sexual exploration. But what is pegging, why is it so hot for some of us, and what supplies and knowledge are needed to try it safely? Allure spoke with Powell and a professional dominatrix to learn all you need to know.

First of all, what is pegging?

Traditionally, pegging refers to a cisgender, heterosexual male receiving anal penetration from his cishet female partner with a strap-on dildo — and, actually, it’s a word surrounded by a bit of controversy.

As our understanding of gender and orientation expands, some folks ask, why not just call this anal sex, strap-on sex, or just sex? Why do cishet guys need their own word for anal penetration when the rest of us have been enjoying it as is? Powell understands this line of thinking, but they also say that giving an activity its own word, be it fisting, squirting, or pegging, can help us talk and think about what we’re doing.

“Having a term for pegging can, in some ways, be helpful,” Powell explains. “A lot of cis straight men are interested in pegging because when they find out that there’s a term and that it’s common they feel a lot more OK about wanting that.” Talking about pegging specifically can help normalize it and debunk outdated thinking about cishet men and prostate pleasure.

“Could we just call it sex? Sure, but there are lots of things we could just call sex,” says Powell. “Having more terms doesn’t necessarily make it worse; I think that pegging is more stigmatized because it is about a cis straight dude. A lot of people are still really uncomfortable with men receiving penetration.”

Why are so many people turned on by pegging?

Everyone’s butthole is lined with erogenous nerve endings, which is why people of all orientations, genders, and bodies can enjoy anal sex. And having a prostate is a fun bonus.

“A lot of prostate owners don’t get to stimulate their prostate, and that’s a whole other orgasm available to you. You’re opening yourself up to other avenues of pleasure,” says New York City dominatrix Domina Katarina. The prostate, or P-spot, is roughly three to four inches inside the rectum, about an inch in diameter. The person with a prostate can usually let you know when you’ve found it as they’ll start to feel sensations reminiscent of an orgasm.

Outside of the physical pleasure of prostate and anal stimulation, both partners, commonly referred to as the bottom (receptive partner) and the top (penetrating partner), may enjoy the “taboo” of a role reversal, if receiving penetration is new for the partner with a prostate or penetrating someone is new for the top. “The power dynamics are amazing,” Domina Katarina says. “Especially as a woman who is typically seen as submissive, it really does put you in a different position. You get a rush, like, yeah, I have this control.”

While some simply want to be penetrated for the prostate stimulation, for other straight couples, they may get off on the role reversal. Submissive cishet men may enjoy the erotic power exchange that occurs when their partners become the ones with the dicks. “I get why dick owners walk around like they’re the shit,” Domina Katarina says of the place of power she entered through her experience pegging.

Pegging can also (but doesn’t have to) be a part of BDSM dynamics. All BDSM involves consensual power exchange, and for some cishet men — who, in our patriarchal society, still tend to harbor the most power — submitting to a woman or other person of a marginalized gender gets them off.

Pegging also requires immense trust; being penetrated anally with a strap-on dildo by a pro-domme or dominant partner allows cishet men to not only receive anal pleasure but become vulnerable and submissive, which is a common sexual desire.

What products and techniques should I use?

Safe pegging requires taking the same time and care you’d use during any anal penetration. Before you work your way up to a dildo and harness, begin by inserting a finger, and then two, with plenty of lube. Because pegging usually means using a strap-on dildo (which is commonly made with silicone), you want a water-based lube. Silicone lubes can cause silicone toys to deteriorate. Sliquid H20 is an excellent choice, because it’s safe to use with silicone toys and is flavorless and scentless.

After you’ve warmed up with fingers, feel free to add a butt plug to help prepare the area. The Snug Plug from B-Vibe, a weighted, smooth butt plug available in a variety of sizes and shapes, is excellent for anal sex warm up. It has a nice flared base that keeps it in place. For pegging, you can have the partner with a prostate wear a butt plug for a bit while you fool around or tease them.

When you’re ready to peg, you will need a strap-on dildo and harness. If you can, buy your first harness in real life rather than online so you can try it on. Some harnesses are strappy leather and sexy as hell, such as the Minx Harness from Aslan Leather. Others are more practical, such as the TomBoii Boxer Briefs, which are ultra comfy and can hold a dildo in place like no one’s business. Go with whatever works for you and your partner’s desires.

So, what about the actual dildo? “For pegging, the really good dildos are the ones that are narrow in diameter that are fairly long,” Powell tells Allure. It can be helpful to go shopping with your partner so you know what you both want. Some people prefer realistic dildos and others want something bright and colorful. No matter what, start small.

If you’re interested in a vibrating anal dildo, try the Riley Vibrating Dildo. If you’re curious about a curved dildo made like anal beads, try the Your Highness Vibrating Dildo. And if you were wondering, yes, there is a Broad City Strap-On Set.

Other than making sure all partners are aware of how to physically prepare, remember that there is a major emotional component to the sex act, especially if it’s someone’s first time. Make sure to communicate beforehand about both of your desires, expectations, and fears. “When it comes to pegging, even though that dildo is not part of your anatomy, you are still inserting a part of yourself in someone else, and that’s extremely intimate. There’s a great responsibility, because you are entering them,” Domina Katarina says.

Start slow and use plenty of lube, checking in with your partner throughout the experience. “Don’t think you’re going to be like thrusting and whipping a lasso around your head,” she says. “It has to go nice and slow and easy or else you could do physical damage, and you could do emotional damage. It’s a really awesome way to connect differently with your partner.”

As Powell touched upon earlier, for people with prostates, experiencing penetration can be a much better way to understand a partner with a vagina and vice versa. “Especially for cishet guys, receiving anal penetration is a really important thing to do, because it helps you receive what your partner is receiving. Receiving penetration and penetrating are completely different experiences, in terms of vulnerability and in terms of physical risk,” they say. “If you’ve received penetration, you tend to approach receiving penetration very differently.” And apparently become better in bed.

Complete Article HERE!