Get over this “hump,” Terre? You’re such a punster!

Have you tried a cock ring to keep yourself hard enough to bugger your old man? How about dildo play? You still get to be the top and he still gets to be the bottom, it’s just that you’re using a meat substitute instead of your salami.

And what’s all this about you being unable to take it in your bum? I have written extensively about learning to bottom. Check out some of my earlier postings, especially Liberating The B.O.B. Within. Use the site’s search function in the sidebar to your right; type in “Tutorial for a Bottom” and/or “Tutorial for a Top” and PRESTO! Once you’ve read through those tutorials you can find loads of other helpful hints on the site by clicking on the CATEGORIES section, also in the sidebar; scroll down till you find “Ass Fucking”.

Maybe you need to look at alternative sex practices that don’t involve his rump and your rod? Is ass fucking the only thing you guys can think of in terms of sex play and mutual pleasuring? That seems pretty limiting. How about some kinky power play? That sure enough will keep the sexual balance in your relationship. There’s bondage, discipline, milking, jelqing, CBT, edging, fantasy play, watersports, fisting, flogging, massage, rimming, cock sucking, role playing, group sex and vibrators — just to name a few.

How about hiring a pro to attend to your needs? A hot, hunky escort to fuck your partner and do god knows what to you. You see, darling, just because you are 54 and live in Nashville don’t mean your brain’s gone dead…or has it? Like I always say, if there’s a will there’s a way. And hey, maybe that’s a good place to start. Maybe it’s time to check in with your partner to see what new things he’d like to investigate and go from there.

Name: Gilbert
Gender: male
Age: 53
Location: Ohio
I discovered plushie sex long before I knew there were other people in the world who love their stuffed animals as much as I do. At first, I just cuddled and slept with my special plushie, but then I couldn’t help but show my feelings. I wanted to consummate my love for my plushy. The first time I did this I didn’t do anything to my plushie directly. I simply embraced it while I pleasured myself to orgasm. Now my favorite method of expressing my love is to press myself tenderly into my lovers’ plush fur. It’s a truly exquisite sensation!

Lonely are we, Gilbert? YIKES! Say, is your plushie a girl plushie or a boy plushie? Are you sure your plushie, regardless of its gender, likes having you be so…how shall I say this…intimate? And what about the clean up? You say you press yourself tenderly into the plush fur. Good god; it can’t be all that much fun for your plushie tryin to get all your goopy spooge out of its polyester fur, now can it?

And your message isn’t so much of a question as it is a statement, huh Gilbert? Can I assume then that you just wanted to tell the world about gettin your freak on with your beloved plushie? DONE!

For those in my audience who are unable to fathom plushy sex, here is the 411 on this fetish. Some folks, like old Gilbert here, get started down this path by innocently stroking the stuffed animal over their naughty bits. This, I am told, can be the beginning of an intense connection with his/her plushie. Other enthusiasts aren’t satisfied till there is penetration. This is accomplished by modifying the creature at hand by creating what plushies call a ‘strategically-placed hole’ (SPH) on a said plushie. I suppose depending on the gender of the plushie; the ‘strategically-placed hole’ is either a plushie pussy or a plushie asshole, but I digress.

Some fetishists are on the receiving end of plushie sex. That is they create a ‘strategically-placed appendage’ (SPA) on their long-suffering plushie partner and make the little creature fuck them silly(er). SPA, indeed! I mean, god forbid that we call it what it actually is — a freakin’ stuffed animal with a strap-on.

Beyond the human on stuffed animal sex the plushie world also offers plushie on plushie sex too. Of course these are really humans dressed up as plush animals…I mean from head to toe…REALLY! These enthusiasts are generally referred to as furries. Isn’t that adorable?

There are furry sex parties, the like of which I will leave to your fevered imagination, where there’s no end to plushie perversion. I am told that it’s imperative that participants at these parties stay in character. How do you tell the gender of the furry, you might ask? Girl furries often have a bow in their fur. Boy furries, not so often. Ok, I made that part up.

Anyway, the furry outfits are equipped with Velcro held flaps in front and in back. These ‘strategically-placed flaps’ (SPF) give furries access to a fellow furry’s naughty parts. Full-on humping is proceeded by lots of sniffing and nuzzling…you know, exactly like ordinary animals do…only completely different. This is called yiffing. Honestly! Look it up.

I’ve had only two close-up encounters with real live furries. One was a client of mine. Another I met in an online chat room. The chat room connection was so delighted to discover that I was a sexologist that he could hardly contain himself as he revealed to me every gory detail of his furry sex life.

The guy who was my client revealed his furry persuasion in one of his early visits to my office. You see he was having this deep sexual conflict, and as it turned out, it wasn’t that he was dressing up as a big brown bear to get his rocks off.

Here’s how my client related the story.  “So here’s the deal,” the guy says. “I’ve been completely straight all my life. A couple of years ago when I discovered I was a furry I went to a few furry sex parties. At one of the parties another male furry began sniffing me and making sexual advances. I would have decked him if I hadn’t been in my bear suit. But because I was being my furry-self his advances were like this complete new turn on. To make a long story short, I got it up the ass but good that night for the very first time.”

You see my client was suddenly conflicted not because he was a furry, don’t ‘cha know. He was conflicted by the discovery that, despite being an exclusively straight macho dude out of costume, he was a freakin’ fag furry in costume. And that, my dear audience, is one of the most bizarre things the good doctor has ever heard.

Good luck ya’ll!

Hey sex fans,

This is our special end of the year show.  We’ll be taking two weeks off for our well-deserved annual holiday break.  Today we have a bunch of Q&A, a little sexual enrichment programming and my 2009 tribute to all the wonderful guests that have graced this year’s podcasts in The Erotic Mind series and the Sex EDGE-U-cation series.

Among today’s correspondents are:

• Bottom Wannabe is a dirty fuck.
• Alvaro only dribbles; he does not shoot.
• Marcus is freaked out by his own dick!
• We also have a bunch of cock and ball questions.
• I’m asked my thoughts on circumcision.
• And what I think are the key ingredients for a healthy, happy sex life.

See a slideshow of all my wonderful guests for 2009.

Click on the thumbnails below.

12►

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes.  You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: The Holiday Sale at Eden Fantasys.

Despite it not even being Halloween yet, I know from my forays into the land of retail that holiday gift giving is not far from the minds of a lot of people.  Perish the thought!  So expediting our reviews will also give you loads of gift-giving ideas.  And that, my friends, is all I’m gonna say about that till at least the middle of next month when we launch our annual Holiday Gift Giving Guide.

Today we will hear from Review Crew Members: Madora, Joy & Dixie, Brad and Glenn & Hank.  So without further ado…

There’s something brand-spankin new goin on at Fleshlight.   Here’s Brad to tell us all about it.

Sex In A Can:  Spread Eagle Brew —— $39.95

The Fleshlight company has been around for a lone time.  They make the legendary Fleshlight and Fleshjack.  I’m the proud owner of my very own Fleshlight; it is my go-to toy for spankin the monkey.  I never get tired of my Fleshlight and I wouldn’t give it up for the world.  That’s way I wanted to review their new product:  Sex In A Can.

I am of the mind that foolin’ around with or trying to improve on a great product, an icon even, will sure enough just fuck things up.  I just couldn’t see why the Fleshlight people were tempting fate by bring outSex In A Can.  But I promised Dr Dick that I would set aside my preconceived ideas and approach this new product with an open mind.

Damn!  I’ll be the first to admit, I was totally off base in thinking the iconic Fleshlight couldn’t be improved upon.  Wait, improved is not the word I’m looking for, because Sex In A Can doesn’t really improve on the original design, it just gives the consumer yet another option.

Those of you familiar with Fleshlight will know that every customer can pretty much customize every aspect of the unit he wants to buy.  They have several “orifice” options: pussy, mouth, asshole or “neutral”. The plastic case comes in silver, black or clear. The insert comes in different colors, and there are several different internal contours for the insert itself.

Sex In A Can is basically just another option in terms of size and shape.  Here’s what I mean. Sex In A Can is shaped like a tallboy beer, instead of the traditional oversized Fleshlight shape.  It is lighter, more compact, less expensive, yet it has all the features of its big brothers.

There are three brand new “orifice” options — two different pussies (Mmmm, pussies!) and a mouth.  Three new insert contours too.  Everything else — including the patented Superskin insert remains the same. The plastic case, the thing that looks like a tallboy beer, has removable caps at both ends, as does the Fleshlight. The top cap covers the head of the insert and keeps it clean when your dick’s not in it.  The end cap can also be removed for easy cleaning.

Just like the Fleshlight, ya gotta loosen the end cap a bit before you attempt to stick in your dick.  Sex In A Can is a whole lot tighter than my stalwart Fleshlight.  In fact, bein the hefty-cock brother I am, it was a very tight squeeze.  I had to use a shitload of lube just to get me started. Oh, and by the way, you can only use water-based lube with all the Fleshlight Superskin products.  Here’s a tip:  you adjust the suction created inside Sex In A Can by either loosening or tightening the base cap.

Clean up is a super-easy. A little soap and water will do the trick.  But once the insert is dry, you have to dust it, inside and out, with a little cornstarch, or body powder. This will help keep things as fresh as the day you got it.

MySex In A Can:  Spread Eagle Brew, came with the Pink Spread Lady orifice; (Mmmm, pussies!) mini vortex insert; the cleverly designed beer can case; and sample packet of lube.

FULL REVIEW HERE

Sex furniture?  You betcha!  Glenn & Hank walk you around this offering from the amazing folks at Liberator.

Liberator Ramp —— $200.00

Glenn:  “Check this out!  This is the best thing that’s happened to butt fuckin since the invention of the sling.  The  Ramp is just one of Liberator’s many sex furniture shapes that are designed to add more fun and lessen bodily stress for whatever kind of sex you have up your sleeve.”
Hank:  “Or down your pant leg, as the case may be.  We got us a plus sized  Ramp and it is covered in black pleather.  But you can choose from a bunch of sizes and fabric options.”

Glenn:  “Pleather is great, because it cleans up fast.  And that’s a big plus because our sessions can get pretty messy.”
Hank:  “Ok, so what is the Liberator Ramp exactly and why is even better than a sling, or a swing for that matter?  Good questions. The Liberator Ramp is a big triangular shaped, sturdy, comfy and solidly made cushion.  Ours is 29” X 35” X 12”.  And it can be used in a multitude of ways.”
Glenn:  “It’s better than a sling or swing, because it’s portable, storable and you don’t have to suspend it from the ceiling, or set it up every time you want to shag.  It does stow easily under the bed.  It’s perfect for butt fuckin, because regardless of what position you like the Liberator Ramp is gonna make the sex a whole lot better for the top as well as the bottom.”
Hank:  “Glenn likes it doggie style.  I just bend him over the  Ramp and plow away at his ass.  It’s easier on me, because his ass is elevated to just the right position for the ass-ult.  I can go as deep as possible, because his pelvis is supported by the Ramp.  Oh, and ya can’t really do doggie style in a sling or swing!”
Glenn:  “Hank is right!  I don’t have to arch my back or strain my arms and wrists pressing back against his manly thrusts.  But he can still grab my hair and pull.”
Hank:  “You joke, but I know you love it deep and heavy.  You’re just a dirty little piggy bottom, aren’t you?”
Glenn:  “Oink, oink!  I do enjoy a furious ride, that’s for damn sure.  Ok, so if you want to do another position, all you do is reposition yourself on the Ramp for a little face-to-face action.  Like I lay down on the Ramp, with my head at the lowest part of the incline.  I scoot my butt to the highest edge of the incline.”
Hank:  “Again, his ass is perfectly positioned for me to fuck him silly.  With Glenn already angled down, I can lift and open his legs with ease.”
Glenn:  “My toes are pointed to Jesus, and I’m in fuckin’ heaven.”
Hank:  “Oh, the Ramp is great for cocksucking too.  I just lay back on the Ramp, in the position Glenn just described, which elevates my hips 12” off the floor.  Glenn has all the access he needs to my dick, balls and rosebud.  He can service me till his heart’s content.”
Glenn:  “Again, there no stress or strain on my neck or back while I blow him.  And in this position Hank can grab his knees and pull open his own legs.  PERFECT!”
FULL REVIEW HERE

Joy & Dixie have the pleasure of introducing you to a new kid on the block, Duncan Charles Designs.  They specialize in unique, handcrafted ceramic adult toys.

Signature —— $55.00

Dixie:  “Here’s something refreshing, this ceramic textured dildo is handmade!  I’m so tired of mass-produced sex toys, aren’t you?   Oh to have something unique, something that is crafted not manufactured.”
Joy:  “Dixie is so right; I love knowing that no one else on the planet had precisely the same toy as we have.  Each Duncan Charles Designs piece is unlike any other.  In fact, it’s beautiful art.  And it is GREEN!”
Dixie:  “Signature has a food grade high-gloss coating that makes it as smooth as glass. But it is also textured, just the way we like it.  Despite it being ceramic, there is nothing fussy about this beauty.”
Joy:  “However, you will want to treat Signature with loving care, not because it’s fragile, but because it is a fine-looking sculpture.”
Dixie:  “Signature comes wrapped in a lovely lined ultrasuede pouch.  Ours is jet black, but it also comes in red.  It’s just under 8″ long and weighs in at just over 8 ounces.”
Joy:  “It has a rounded head on top of its scalloped shaft.  The ridges add immeasurable fun.  Because of the super high-gloss finish, we only had to use a little bit of lube.  And you can use any type of lube you want with this ceramic baby.”

Dixie:  “This dildo is designed for g-spot, clitoral or prostate massage.  Unlike most of the other G-spot stimulators that have a curve to them Signature is straight as an arrow.  And yet it is just as effective as the curved ones.”
Joy:  “I also really like the fact that I can warm and chill the Signature to suit my mood. You can chill it in the refrigerator for a few minutes or warm it by placing it under running hot water.”
FULL REVIEW HERE

Finally, Madora, has something fun from Big Teaze Toys to show you.

Super Flower Power: 2 Piece Bouquet —— $29.99

When I saw the Super Flower Power, two-piece bouquet at Dr. Dick’s I had to have it!  It’s the cutest thing ever; a vibrator cleverly disguised as a daisy, complete with stem and soft removable petals, even a ladybug button that controls the 8 (EIGHT!) different “play modes”.  It’s from Big Teaze Toys, the people that brought us the “Rub My Duckie“, rubber duck vibrator bathtub toy. Clearly it was adorable, but was it functional?  I brought it home to find out.

Home; batteries included (triple A), YES!  I love it when that happens.  Inside there’s a bonus Flower Power keychain, a mini version of the vibe that looks like a little daisy without the stem, this one even comes with bonus extra batteries (the little watch kind), EXCELLENT!

My first impression is that the vibrating part, the center of the flower, is a little hard for me.  At least for direct contact with my “flower”.  The center of the flower is hard plastic.  But I like the soft petals which spread the vibes out from its petals to yours.  It’s like a gentle labia massage, which is cool and rare in a vibrator.  These are especially nice if you use a little lube on the petals.

I’m starting to get used to the texture and hardness. I actually like it and like the strength of the vibe when I’m using it through my clothes, the barrier makes it not seem so hard and yet it’s still able to convey strong enough vibes right through to where they’re needed.  I was thinking it could be fun for when you want to tease your partner right through her clothes. Did I mention these toys are waterproof?

All in all it definitely did the trick but when I really start to get into it, either with the vibe or the little keychain, the soft petal ring pops right off the vibrator.  I either hafta kinda hold it on, or stop and put it back on, if I wanna keep playing with that part.  So that’s a bummer.

The keychain has been a godsend.  I’m on a trip right now and brought it with me and wasn’t concerned about security seeing it,  It just looks like a toy.  I ended up having cramps and everyone knows an orgasm is the best thing for cramps so I put it to use, you know, for medicinal purposes.

FULL REVIEW HERE

ENJOY

Review Crew members; Mick & Chuck, Kevin & Gina, Jack & Karen and Carlos walk us around these products.

Boy Butter Warming 5 oz EZ-Pump —— $20.99

Gina & Kevin

Gina:  “We’ve both been wanting to try a warming lube, so I’m glad we were chosen for Boy Butter Warming.”
Kevin:  “I like the pump container.  It’s easy to use and there’s not the mess that often comes with traditional containers.”
Gina:  “This stuff really works!  With just the first application I could feel the warming sensations.  At first, I thought it was going to get too intense for me, but it didn’t.”
Kevin:  “It’s a coconut-oil based lube so it’s not compatible with latex condoms.  That’s not an issue for us, but I did want to mention that in my review.  Also, this is the first creamy lube we’ve used.  I was impressed with its lasting power.”
Gina:  “I must confess; I had my misgivings at first.  I have very sensitive skin and I often have adverse reactions to new lubes.  I checked the label on Boy Butter Warming and secretly thought to myself, I can’t even pronounce half of the ingredients.  This doesn’t bode well for me using it.  At least, that’s what I thought.  Curiously enough, I experienced no irritation or discomfort.  So yeah for that!”
Kevin:  “We love our silicone lubes, but they are a bitch to clean up and they stain clothing.  This product however, despite containing silicone and being oil-based, cleaned up in a snap.  In fact, it cleaned up like a water-based lube.”
FULL REVIEW HERE

Boy Butter 5 oz EZ-Pump —— $16.99

Carlos

This is the original formula Boy Butter.  It comes in several different packaging options, so you may have seen it in a tub or a squeeze bottle.  Personally, I think this E-Z pump is the best.  It’s easy to handle, and you can dispense just the right amount of lube you need every time.  The plastic top keeps it from accidentally messing up anything else it may come in contact with.

I really like the creamy consistency of Boy Butter.  It lasts longer than other oil-based lubes I’ve tried; and I’ve tried plenty.  The organic coconut-oil base keeps it slick and silky.  I’ve never found a better jack-off lube than Boy Butter.  It even outlasts my favorite silicone-based lube.  I’m sold on this product.

Keep in mind; you can’t use Boy Butter with latex condoms.

Clean up is pretty easy too, soap and warm water will do.  It’s so much easier to clean up than my favorite silicone-based lube.

FULL REVIEW HERE

Boy Butter H₂O 5 oz EZ-Pump —— $16.99

Jack & Karen

Jack:  “Damn, this stuff is great!”
Karen:  “This is the first creamy formula water-based lube I’ve eve seen.  I didn’t even know you could make such a thing.”
Jack:  “We concur with all our fellow reviewers, Boy Butter H₂O last long, never gets sticky.  We really like the pump container too.  Very convenient!”
Karen:  “This formula is perfect for use with latex condoms.  And because it is water-based, clean up is a breeze.  It won’t stain clothing or beading either.  And that’s a big plus in my book.”
Jack:  “Neither one of us experienced any negative reactions to this lube; no irritation, nothing.  And we used it for fucking, not just for jillin’ or jackin’ off.
Karen:  “Yeah, I was really surprised by this.  I’m always very careful about what I put near, on or in my pussy.  But knock on wood, I’ve had no adverse reaction at all.”
Jack:  “Kudos for great packaging and branding.  It’s fun and smart.  Funny, up until we got Boy Butter H₂O to review, I had never heard of the company.  I wonder, is it a product line that is primarily marketed to gay men?
FULL REVIEW HERE

Boy Butter Extreme 5 oz. E-Z Pump —— $17.99

Boy Butter Extreme Desensitizing H₂0 Based 5 oz EZ-Pump —— $19.25

Mick & Chuck

Mick:  “We have a little confession to make.  Chuck and I had already used Boy Butter Extreme before we were asked to review it.”
Chuck:  “We hadn’t used the H₂0 Based formula and we really wanted to, so we asked if we could test both products.”
Mick:  “Until we tried the H₂0 Based one, we thought Boy Butter Extreme was the best such product on the market.  We’ve tired several other desensitizing products, but we liked Boy Butter Extreme best.”
Chuck:  “Sometimes Mick has difficulty relaxing into butt sex.  I’m not tooting my own horn here, but I’m hung 8.5”, pretty thick too.”
Mick:  “Trust me, it’s a sight to behold.  But it’s true; I have a tendency to tighten up when I’m just getting started in a fuck. Boy Butter Extreme helps me over this initial phase allows me to enjoy all that is to come.”
Chuck:  “I love the pump container.  Both products are long-lasting and remain slick and silky, which makes fucking a joy.  I hate it when lubes get sticky!”
Mick:  “Both products use the maximum amount of Benzocaine (7.5%) allowed by law.  So you know this is industrial strength!”
Chuck:  “Some people have an adverse reaction to Benzocaine.  If you do, these are not the products for you.”
Mick:  “I am so happy that Boy Butter make a H₂0 formula, because Chuck has to use a condom when I use either of these products. And the H₂0 Based version is condom safe.”
Chuck:  “I was just about to mention that.  We had an unfortunate experience a while back when we first started using desensitizing lubes and whatnot.  I didn’t wear a condom and my dick became desensitized too.”
Mick:  “Come to think of it, this wouldn’t be such a bad thing for a guy who has a real short fuse, right?  The Benzocaine would probably just the thing to help him last longer.”
Chuck:  “Oh, and may I suggest that you use these products sparingly.  A little goes a very long way.  You certainly don’t want to over use either of these lubes.  It will take all the fun out of the fuck for both top and bottom; you’ll not be able to feel a thing.”
Mick:  “Exactly, ya simply want to apply a small amount of Boy Butter Extreme (or the H₂0 Based formula) to your finger, insert it into your ass.  Smooth it around till you’ve lightly coated your sphincter.  You will notice the numbing effect in a minute or two.  Remember, you can always add more if needed, but you can’t eliminate it once it’s been applied.  At least, not without soap and water.”
FULL REVIEW HERE

ENJOY

Hey sex fans,

HOLY COW, it’s another milestone!  Last week Wednesday’s show marked my second anniversary of podcasting.  Today’s show is my 100th Podcast!  Isn’t that fuckin amazing?

Those of you who are paying attention know that I’ve added a second podcast per week, on Wednesdays. And for those of you who haven’t been paying attention; listen up!  I needed to add another podcast per week because I’m doing a new series of interviews called Sex EDGE-U-cation.

This series will take a look at the fascinating world of fetish sex and kink. We’ll touch on topics both familiar and exotic.  I guarantee that our investigation will be interesting, stimulating and very informative.  And I can say that with such confidence because I will be chatting with prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles from all over the world.

This new series, which premiered last Wednesday, February 11th, will continue to appear on Wednesdays.  This, my original weekly podcast, will continue on Mondays.  How sweet is that?

Today we take a break from The Erotic Mind interviews and return to our traditional question and answer format.  I have a hot load of oh so stimulating questions.

• Todd, the budding kinkster, returns with more questions.
• JOE D want to get it up the ass, but he don’t know how.
• Zoey’s husband thinks she’s just OK in the sack.  WHAT?
• Mike is takin the submissive thing a bit far, in my estimation.
• Tom, the American, and Matt, the Brit, both have the same problem.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes.  You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe.  I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: ROPEX.

Name: Jake
Gender:
Age: 18
Location: London
I have never had sex mostly because I have never managed to approach the person. I am bisexual and am desperate to have sex with a guy or girl. What are the best ways to approach someone for sex?

Can’t manage to approach a person for sex?  Are you just really shy, or are you a total geek?  Either way, my friend, you gotta get over yourself if you ever hope to get laid.  And here’s a tip:  perspective partners can smell desperation, like the kind you speak of, a mile away.  And they will avoid you like the plague.

Ok, so you’re just 18 without a lot of experience in the ways of the world.  Here’s what I tell everyone who asks me this question, regardless of age, gender or sexual orientation.  When it comes to asking for sex; the direct approach works best.  Just so long as you’re not a dick about it.  If you haven’t already discovered this, baggin a bird will probably take a bit more finesse than pokin’ on a bloke.  And coming on to a mate demands a different approach than hittin’ up a stranger for a shag.

If there’s a bit of charm about you, your task will be considerably easier than if you are a crude Neanderthal who just wants to notch his belt.  If you’re not sure what your selling points are, ask a friend for his or her feedback.  If he or she tells you nice things bout yourself, you might be in luck.  If he or she tells you that you’re a charmless creep, you’ll have your work cut out for you.

Regardless what group you fall into — the “maybe fuckable”, or the “not fucking ever”, you can always improve your image and hone your unique style.  Look to how you present yourself; make sure you are groomed, clean and odor-free.  Dress to impress.  Stay clear of fancy or fussy, but do make it look like you gave your cloths a thought before you dressed yourself.  Make yourself interesting; have a point of view, but share it sparingly.  Develop a sense of humor about yourself.  If you can’t be clever or witty, then keep your mouth shut for the most part.

The internet is a great place to test the waters.  Dating and hook-up sites abound.  Put up a profile…with a photo or two.  Here’s a tip, save the dick pics for the queer sites.  Women don’t want to see your pathetic willie, at least not right away.  And like I said above, there’s nothing more unattractive to most women, or men, than a desperate fuck.  Asking for what you want is good, pleading to be taken out of pity is not!

Few women are as casual about sex as are most men.  So if a woman tells you no, she just may be shy, or not ready, or not sure.  If a guy tell you no, it’s not the end of the world.  He’s probably not into your type.  Since there are so many fish in the sea, if you’re not immediately successful, move on.  Sometimes getting laid is a situational thing.  Being in the right place at the right time is helpful.

Chicks are gonna be concerned about the whole pregnancy thing. This is much more serious concern for a woman then for a dude. If you’re not well versed on all methods of contraception and willing to practice at least one, you’re not ready to have sex. Sexually transmitted infections ought to be a concern for you both.  Don’t be a fuck-up; always use a condom regardless of your partner’s gender.

If you’re dick is hard, it’s not the right time to talk about sex with a woman, but it might be the best time to hit up a dude.  Women don’t necessarily like the lean and hungry look.  Men tend to groove on it.

There are lots of different ways to have sex, so what might be appealing to one person may not be to another.  Hand jobs and/or blow jobs are often more easy to cum by than full-on fucking with both birds and blokes.

In the end, there no standard way to ask for sex, but if you treat a prospective partner, regardless of gender, with respect, honesty, and patience, you can be sure whatever words you use will be more effective than if you’re an uncouth lout.

Name: Nita
Gender: female
Age: 40
Location: South Africa
I recently had abdominal surgery to remove a cancer.  I’m recovering pretty well, and the prognosis for my future is also pretty good.  But I am noticing two problems. The surgery left a really big scar.  It’s still not fully healed yet, but I can tell it’s always going to be ugly.  And my belly is really misshapen now. I felt pretty okay about my body before hand, but this scar really makes me look really unattractive.  Also, my sex drive has completely gone away. I used to be a pretty sexual person, but now nothing excites me. Would you say this is normal?

How long ago was your surgery, I wonder?  It’s got to be pretty recent, if you say the incision is still healing.

Darlin’, may I suggest that you’ve been through quite a trauma — a cancer diagnosis, recent surgery and all.  This would throw anyone for a loop.  I’d be willing to guess you’ve not had the proper time to process all of this.  It comes as no surprise to me that your libido has gone south.  I wouldn’t expect otherwise.

If you’re still healing on the outside, you know for sure your insides have a much longer way to go.  You’re probably still feeling some discomfort, right?  That’s enough to put the kibosh on sexual interest right there.  You’re body is consumed with the job of healing itself.  It probably hasn’t any energy to spare for sex.  And why have a libido if ya can’t be sexual, right?   So you see, your body is actually protecting itself and concentrating on the task at hand.

Maybe at this point in your recovery a little pampering would be better for you than a pursuit of sexual pleasure.  Long luxurious baths will help soothe the tension, as well as giving your easy access to your fine pussy.  Even folks with no discernable libido find touching themselves enjoyable. And just to keep your head in the game, even though you’re sitting on the sidelines, you could read some erotica or watch some sexy smut.

Some modest exercise like walking or swimming can perk up the libido too.  Treat yourself to an erotic massage.  Let a pro get his or her hands on you and make you glow.  This may also help bring back some of the sensitivity to areas effected by the surgery.  One things for sure, doing something is better than doing nothing but sitting there wondering what’s up.

An invasive and disfiguring surgery will always have a profound effect on one’s body image, which goes without saying.  Feeling unattractive because of a scar? No doubt about it, it’s a bummer.  But here you are writing to me about it, instead of napping six-feet under.  So I guess the scar is not the worst thing that could have happened, right?  As you probably know, I’m hearing from a number of my country’s war vets returning home with shattered bodies and lives.  My advice to them is what I offer you now.  Move through the scar’s impact…with a therapist if need be.  And find within yourself the other things that make you beautiful, attractive, alluring and desirable. Who knows, you might luck out and find a scar fetishist out there who will worship you for what you find loathsome.

Embracing and then moving past your scaring will open you to find the myriad pleasures your body can still provide you and others.  So while your body works on healing itself, your mind can do likewise.  No need to have two scars, on one your belly and another one on your psyche.  In the end you may find that flaunting your scar, like some women do with their mastectomy scars, will liberate you from feeling unattractive.  After all, that scare and misshapen abdomen are your red badges of courage, honey.  Not only do they make you distinct, but also they testify to you being a survivor.

Name: David
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Location: New York, NY
This is a rather disgusting question. I am a gay male who prefers to be the bottom. The trouble is that even if I perform an enema right before sex, I still seem to get some excrement onto my partner’s penis during sex. It just seems that the feeling of the motion back and forth inside of me causes a sensation that makes something come out. The odor is, at times, unpleasant and I, of course, am mortified. I wonder if this is a common problem and if there is anything else I can do to PREVENT this from happening?? Could it perhaps be my diet? Do I need to drink more water?

YIKES!  You sound like a real attractive guy, David.  Just kidding!

If you are douching properly before the butt fucking there shouldn’t be much seepage if any.  Maybe you’re not taking care of business correctly.  Or maybe you need to douche twice.  Or maybe you’re being fucked too hard.  I know that a vigorous fucking will introduce more air into the bottom’s rectum expanding it and making for that “OMG, I gotta take a dump” feeling.

I understand you being mortified; a smelly dirty fuck is no fun for anyone.  That being said, you have to realize your bowels are working properly, so it’s not their fault.  Just remember, there will inevitably be some unpleasant side effects when rootin’ around in someone’s hole, regardless how fastidious the bottom is about his hygiene.

I’m not sure I see the connection between diet and hydration and messy fucking, but hell, I’d try just about anything to keep from embarrassing myself when my toes are pointed to jesus!

Name: Ken
Gender:
Age: 42
Location: Seattle
I recently went to get a massage with a “happy ending” As soon as the girl started to fondle me I came and I did not even have an erection yet.  I never have this problem with my wife or past girlfriends. Why did this happen? It sure cost a lot of money for about five minutes with this “lady”. Thanks

Well, let’s see…either this “masseuse” (and I use that term very loosely) was amazingly talented, or you were just real nervous about doing this naughty thing with someone other than your wife.

Hmmm, I bet it was the later.

Here’s a tip, always get the massage first…before the happy ending.  If the first thing that happens is the happy ending, then you got gypped, darlin’!

Name: Marion
Gender: female
Age: 32
Location: NYC
I’m 34 and single.  After 15 years of unsuccessful dating, searching for the right guy to marry and raise a family with, I decided to go it alone.  I’m 2 months pregnant through artificial insemination.  You’ll love this; the donor is my best gay pal.  I am absolutely delighted and cherish the thought of finally being a mother.  While a lot of the guys I’ve been dating aren’t father material, they are great sex and I don’t want to continue to enjoy their company.  I gather that it’s safe to have sex during pregnancy.  But is there anything I should avoid?  Are there specific sexual positions that better suit a mommy-to-be like me?

Hey, congratulations on the bun in the oven, darlin’.  And how true about some men being great in the sack, but not desirable husband and/or father material.  I know several gay men who have helped out a long-suffering straight and lesbian friends with the whole breeding thing.  Us “mos” are so selfless in that regard. 

It’s difficult to find accurate and unambiguous information about sex during pregnancy that doesn’t have a decidedly sex-negative bias to it.  For the most part, our culture promotes the message that sex is primarily for procreation.  Why then would any responsible mother to be continue to have sex if she’s already knocked up?  You can see where a lot of the misconceptions, misinformation and scare tactics come from, huh?

So let’s see if we can shed some light on this for ya.  As a pregnancy advances, the fertilized egg grows into an embryo and then into a fetus. The fetus is encased in and protected by the amniotic cavity.  This provides the fetus nourishment and protects it from infections.  A thick layer of mucus seals the cervix further isolating the fetus in the mother’s uterus.

If you’re having a normal pregnancy, as do most women, then there is no reason to alter your sex life during your pregnancy.  Since this is your first, you’ll not know this, but a woman who has a history of premature birth may be advised by her physician to abstain from partnered sex during the last three months of pregnancy.  In the same way, a woman with a history of miscarriage will probably be advised to avoid partnered sex in the first trimester.  Only women with high-risk pregnancies might be advised to avoid sex for the full term of the pregnancy.

Nature provides all protection the fetus needs in its mother’s uterus. So you don’t need to worry about semen or vaginal fluids coming into contact with the baby.  And the mucus seal on your cervix does not allow a penis to come in direct contact with the fetus either.  Which dispels several misconceptions right there, don’t cha know.

In terms of pregnancy related sex, I suspect that your libido will probably play a more determining role in your availability for sex than you capacity to have sex.  Your libido will no doubt fluctuate during your pregnancy, which may have a lot to do with hormonal fluctuations.  Increased blood circulation in your pelvic region will heighten sensations, but you may find your body feels too heavy to fully enjoy sex.

Most men will love your bigger tits and fuller hips, but sometimes an overriding concern to avoid any exertion on the uterus or in the vagina makes partnered sex too cumbersome.

Sex during pregnancy, like sex after menopause, is free of worry about contraception, which makes sex more enjoyable for some.  While others are too busy anticipating the new addition to be much interested in sex at all.

In terms of sexual positions, you’re gonna be the best judge of that.  No position is automatically ruled out, but as your pregnancy progresses you’ll find some positions, like the missionary position, will be uncomfortable. One of the best positions might be the woman on top position. Sometimes known as the Cowgirl position.  This position takes all of the pressure off of the woman’s abdomen, and also allows her to control the speed and the depth of thrusting.

And if you are a fan of anal sex; that will continue to be a terrific option throughout your pregnancy, particularly doggie style.  Some pregnant women claim that butt fucking actually helps soothe their pregnancy induced hemorrhoids.  In your final weeks mutual masturbation may be the easiest option as well as the most satisfying sexual outlet.

Good Luck ya’ll

Hey sex fans,

I have a load of very fascinating questions from the sexually worrisome; and they’re all men this week. What’s up with that? I, of course, respond with an equal number of captivating, witty and oh so informative responses! Hey, it’s what I do.

• DJ wants to know if it’s ok for he and the hubby to bone one of his patients.
• Brett thinks his wife is closet bisexual. But he’s just bein’ a guy.
• James is new at this whole blowjob thing!
• Ricardo is playing birth control Russian Roulette.
• Sean and Mel are clueless butt pirates! They should get to know one another.

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s dr dick’s toll free podcast voicemail. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question? No time to write? Give dr dick a call at (866) 422-5680. Again, the TOLL FREE voicemail number is (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY !

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the health section under the subheading — Sexuality. Or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice With An Edge. And don’t forget to subscribe. I don’t want you to miss even one episode.

Say, would you like to become a sponsor for one or more of my weekly sex advice podcasts? As you know, I plug a product or service at the beginning and end of each show. Each podcast has its own posting on my site along with the name of the podcast sponsor and a banner for the product or service.

The beauty part about this unique opportunity is that once a sponsor’s ad is included in a particular podcast that sponsor is embedded there forever.

Your sponsorship also underscores your social conscience. Your marketing dollars will not only got to promote your product, but you will be doing so while helping to disseminate badly needed sex education and sexual enrichment messages. Simply put, ya just can’t get a better bang for your advertising buck!

For further information, contact me at: dr_dick@drdicksexadvice.com

Today’s podcast is once again bought to you by: DR DICK’S HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

I hope ya’ll survived the holidays. I did! Although I can’t tell you how glad I am that all that nonsense is over.

Before we begin, I just want to remind you that my podcasts will resume next Monday, January 07. I have a slew of interesting questions that have been piling up over the past couple of weeks. So I can guarantee you it will be a juicy podcast. Don’t miss it!

Name: Fay
Gender: Female
Age: 23
Location: LA
I met this guy on the Internet and he seemed nice and all, but I wasn’t that turned on to him. All I remember is he was pretty nerdy and had really sweaty palms. We went out a couple of time, nothing serious. He just wasn’t my type. So I stopped responding to his calls. Last week I was out at this club with some friends and I saw Mr. Nerdy with this other chic. And I was like, wait a minute, that skank’s hornin’ in on my stuff! I know I wasn’t returning his calls, but still, I saw him first. It was like totally freaky, how they were all kissy-kissy right there in everyone’s face. What should I do?

Seriously? What should you do? How about getting a life. you vacuous twit? And I mean that in the nicest sort of way.

If you could just pull your head out of your ass long enough for you to listen to yourself; your misguided notions about dating and your fundamental lack of respect for the feelings of others would surly grate on you as much as it does me. Your mindless chatter is like fingernails on a blackboard. I mean REALLY!

Think about what you are suggesting here. You’re gettin’ all territorial about some guy you could barely bring yourself to give the time of day to and then blew off like he was excess baggage. You didn’t bother to take the time to look beyond his nerdy-ness and his sweaty palms like this other woman have done. Had you done so, you might have discovered what this other “skank,” as you so lovingly refer to her, has found. But ya didn’t!

Like most nerds, this guy probably developed other means of making himself attractive and interesting to compensate for his nerdy-ness. Maybe he’s got a big ol’ dick, or he’s great in the sack. Maybe he got a big bank account or maybe he simply has a handle on the basic social graces, something that you, dear Fay, have yet to grasp.

Your jealousy is neither cute nor charming. It does, however, mark you as self-centered and childish. For the most part, jealousy is a byproduct of a person’s lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. Here’s a tip: try and develop a healthier sense of self, so that you’ll mature into someone who can interact with others in a respectful manner that is befitting another human being.

Oh, and have a nice day!

Name: Joanne
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Location: Toronto
I’m 25, 5-foot-7 and weigh 105 pounds. I take care of my body by eating right and exercising regularly. My problem is that I hate the way I look. I am actually repulsed by my body. I take very brief showers and avoid the mirror as much as possible. I’m not a prude. Others being nude is fine with me. But my body image issues are hindering my sexual encounters. I always want to wear a shirt or have the lights off.

My current boyfriend says that if I trust him enough to sleep with him I should trust him enough to let him see me naked. He also has told me that we can’t continue seeing each other if this doesn’t improve. But I let him see every part of my nude body — just not all at once. So he knows I’m not hiding some monstrous deformity or anything. I guess I thought my boyfriend would be more sensitive to my fear and let me stay covered up. Do I owe him nudity?

Hold on there, girlfriend, you think your BF is being insensitive because he wants to enjoy your body in the buff…with the lights on? You think that he’s sticking around just to needle you about your phobia? Honey, get over yourself!

Do you honestly think that your body-positive BF oughta facilitate and participate in your pathology? Yeah, like why don’t we all just sink to the lowest common denominator? And here’s a tip, doll: you do have a monstrous deformity. Perhaps it’s not a physical deformity, but it sure enough is a psychological one.

I concur with your boyfriend; your relationship is on the line here. You need to get a handle on your hang-ups, darlin’, or you can just say good-bye to whatever sex and intimacy you may currently be enjoying.

Listen, I have a thing about sex and intimacy being a gift one gives another. So I ask you, how can you give yourself as a gift to anyone if you are disgusted with the gift you’re giving? And you’ll never convince me that your body issues aren’t seeping into and sabotaging the sex you may be having with your long-suffering BF. I’ll betcha you don’t let him get too close to the body parts you begrudgingly expose to him…when the lights are out.

Joanne, like I suggest above, being repulsed by your own body is a sign of a deep psychological problem. I’d suggest you get to the bottom of this with a sex-positive therapist right away.

When I encounter this sort of thing in my practice, inevitably my client and I discover a past body related trauma to be at root of his or her current disgust. Left untreated, this aversion could easily morph into a desire to do yourself harm. It’s a common enough phenomenon; so don’t let that happen.

And to your closing question about do you “owe” him nudity; what the fuck is that? Is your sexuality and the intimacy you share with your BF something to be bid and bargained for, like beads in a bazaar? Sex and intimacy is either a gift freely given or it’s coerced.

If you’re feeling coerced about being naked with the man who loves you, you’d better set him free and get thee to a nunnery.

NEXT, ANOTHER SEXUAL ENRICHMENT TUTORIAL

Finessing That Ass Fuck — A Tutorial For a Top

Without further ado, here’s dr dick’s long awaited seminar on being a great ass fuckin’ top. This is a companion piece to an earlier tutorial for you novice bottoms out there — Liberating the BOB Within (That’s Big Old Bottom).

This tutorial is for anyone who is considering being a top in butt fucking sex, regardless of whether the meat injection is 100% prime or a beef substitute — like a strap-on dildo, these words of wisdom are for you.

Some people are not open to experimentation when it comes to their precious asshole. They think it’s gonna be painful, or worse…the mere idea grosses them out. First off, you don’t want to try toppin’ one of these folks. A good top should know it makes no sense at all to try to force, or worse belittle an unwilling bottom to give up his or her rosebud if he/she is not inclined to do so. This is simply a waste of everyone’s time. Because if you do succeed in gettin’ the unwilling bottom to relent and the attempted fuck confirms the bottom’s earlier suspicions that this activity is indeed painful and/or gross; you will have won the skirmish, but you will have lost the war.

Second, before a top commences a fuck of any kind he or she oughta consider whose pleasure is primary in this particular fuck-fest. There is a big difference between fucking for the top’s pleasure, for the bottom’s pleasure, or for mutual pleasure. If a top is trying to finesse a novice bottom into exploring his/her ass, that top needs to resign him or herself to concentrating on the bottom’s pleasure first and foremost.

Start by getting the bottom comfortable being touched where the sun don’t shine. Lubricate your hand and massage the outside of his or her hole. Make some lazy little circles with your fingers and drive your bottom wild with desire. When her sphincter starts to quiver, as it surely will, slowly penetrate your bottom’s butt with a lubricated finger tip. After a few minutes of just hangin’ out down there with your finger in his poop chute, you can begin to slowly slide your finger in and out. When you’re fingerin’ someone for the first time, be sure to take your time. Allow his or her muscles to adjust to being penetrated. You might want to incorporate a thin vibrating dildo and/or some expert rimming to pave the way for bigger things.

When a top fingers a bottom like this, he or she ought consider the width of his dick or her strap-on while doing so. For example, once your bottom can take two fingers comfortably and three fingers with a minimum of discomfort he or she is ready to take a modest sized cock or dildo inside. If you’re very well endowed or you plan to strap on a dildo that resembles a floor lamp, you’d better adjust this finger formula based on the width of your fingers and your equipment.

A clean asshole is a happy and fuckable asshole. Hygiene is essential for both tops and bottoms. Bottoms need to anally douche beforehand. And tops, once your cock or your strapped on dildo has been inside your bottom’s ass, don’t go puttin’ that thang anywhere else (mouth, pussy, whatever) until you’ve washed it with soap and water. Carelessness in the hygiene department is just inviting a very serious infection.

Tops, be sure to use a good lube and make sure you have your favorite condoms near to hand. Getting your bottom into the right position, one that is comfortable for both of you is paramount. There are way too many positions for me cover here, but when choosing a position, consider —

• your preference
• the bottom’s preference
• your cock and/or dildo size
• your body type, and the bottom’s body type.

You may find that a pillow or two will help support and prop up the bottom in most positions.

Painful fucking is a sign that something is being done incorrectly. It is definitely not a sign from god that ass fucking itself is wrong. In most cases pain is due to a few predictable reasons: the bottom is too tense and is tightening up. The top is being impatient and is pushing too hard. There may not be enough lubricant. Or the cock or strap-on is too big for the bottom’s experience level.

Obviously. both top and bottom should be comfortable and feel at least some pleasure in the fuck. However, it’s perfectly fine, on occasion, to concentrate on one person’s pleasure over the pleasure of the other. Just make sure you both agree on who’s pleasure is gonna be the focus of any given fuck.

Topping is a skill like any other. Practice will improve your technique. And while practicing, invite and then listen to the feedback coming from your bottom.

Ok, let’s review.

1. Always use a lubricant…and a lot of it. Water-based lubes are latex-compatible and highly recommended.
2. Stop immediately if your partner asks you to stop. I’m not suggesting that you stop trying altogether; just don’t push yourself onto your bottom when he or she wants you to stop. Find the source of the problem lubrication, position, whatever, resolve the problem, then resume the fuck.
3. Take it slow. There is no need to rush, especially if you’re experimenting with anal sex for the first time.
4. A bottom’s desire to be fucked does not insure pleasurable cornhole-ing. It’s nice that he or she might want to surrender his or her ass, but that’s not gonna make it happen on its own.
5. Always communicate with your bottom. Keep your communication playful and smutty.
6. Tops, be open about what you want and how it’s feeling. “Oh baby, that’s right you’ve got such a tight hole. You want my big meat in your ass? Yes you do! Open up for daddy…or momma…as the case may be.” Get the picture?

Some experienced bottoms can orgasm with ass fucking alone. Women do so through pelvic muscle contractions, men because of pressure applied to their prostate.

Oh, and here’s something you need to know. We all have two sphincter muscles. If you insert a finger about one half-inch into your ass and press your fingertip against the side you’ll find them both. There is less than a quarter-inch between them.

The external sphincter is controlled by the central nervous system, which means you can tense and relax this sphincter at will. The internal sphincter is quite different. This muscle is controlled by the autonomic nervous system making it involuntary. This muscle responds to fear and anxiety. It may cause your bottom’s hole to tense up automatically even if he or she is trying to relax.

Tops, remember the rectum is not straight (no pun intended). After the short anal canal that connects the asshole to the rectum, the rectum tilts toward the front of the body, sometimes as much as 90 degrees. That’s way some people are anatomically less suited to ass fucking than others.

Finally, the best attribute a top can have is his or her sense of humor about the whole friggin deal. Fucking ain’t as easy as it looks, at least not at first. But perseverance will win the day.

Good luck ya’ll

Hey sex fans,

This week we visit with

• Jim from Sidney needs to get a life.
• Maria gets spooge on her boobs!
• Sexy Veronica puts down her Chester.
• Doug recalls a boyhood stiffy.

And finally, a Sexual Enrichment Moment

• Bottoming Out — 101

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

Don’t forget The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s dr dick’s toll free podcast voicemail. Got a question? No time to write? Give dr dick a call at (866) 422-5680. Again, the toll free voicemail number is (866) 422-5680.

Dr Dick is now on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the podcast section under the heading — Health, subheading — Sexuality. Search for Dr Dick Sex Advice With An Edge. Don’t forget to subscribe. I don’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is brought to you by The Free Speech Coalition.