Category Archives: Ass Play

Clean Up On Aisle 6!


Name: Leonel
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Location: DC
How much wear and tear does anal sex cause to the rectum? Are there long-term hazards other than the chance of infection from poor hygiene?

As we all know by now, ass play is not just for the gays any more. And while there have been strong taboos surrounding anal sex in the past, mainly because ass fuckin was associated with homosexuality, these taboos are finally and rapidly breaking down. And not a moment too soon!

It is important to remember that while some people find the idea of cornholein’pegging006.jpg repugnant, others find it stimulating, exciting, and a normal part of their sexual intimacy. And since all of us have assholes and each one comes equipped with a load of pleasure-giving nerve endings, people of both genders and all sexual persuasions are discovering the joys of anal play. Be it a finger, a dildo, pegging, a butt plug or a good old-fashioned dick-in-the-ass fucking; ass play is all the rage.

Studies suggest that somewhere between 50 – 60% of gay men have anal sex on a regular basis. A slightly small percent of straight folks are now experimenting with butt play. Commercially produced porn, particularly of the straight variety, is now brimming over with back door action. Curiously enough, only a few years ago, this was a relatively rare fetish. Now it’s like totally mainstream. Funny how things like that change so quickly.

In terms of wear and tear and long-term hazards, I’d say that if you treat your hole with the respect it deserves; you can be sure that it will give you a lifetime of pleasure. But be aware that different sexually charged orifices — asshole, mouth, cunt — have different tolerance levels for what they can endure. We’d all do well to respect these individual limits.

The first thing to say about anal sex, particularly casual butt-fucking, is always use a condom and use lots of water-based lubricant. This will be your front line protection against HIV and other STI’s. Your ass is a very receptive place, but the tissues therein are also pretty delicate. It’s not uncommon to develop cuts and fissures that can become infected if a modicum of care isn’t used during ass play — with yourself or another. That’s why Dr Dick always suggests that you get to know your hole and its limits before your share your be-hind with someone else.

butt-fuck102.jpgA man’s ass has something very unique that a chick’s ass does have. It’s his prostate. We’ve talked a lot about this in the past, but here’s a brief overview. A guy’s prostate is a small walnut-shaped gland a couple inches inside his hole. When massaged by a finger, dildo or a cock it is the source of incredible sensations. Even though women don’t have a prostate, anal stimulation can be just as pleasurable for them. One word of caution though; gals, be sure to keep whatever you’ve had in your ass — fingers, toys, what have you — out of your pussy. To do otherwise, will invite a yeast infection, like candida, don’t ‘cha know.

Because the inside of our ass and rectum doesn’t have the same sort of sensory nerve endings that we have on our skin, we can damage our innards by inserting sharp or rough objects in our ass. So always trim your fingernails before playing with yourself or others.

Never put anything up your ass that could slip in and get caught behind your anal sphincter. Your toys should be long enough, have a flared end, or a handle that you can keep hold of. Of course, never insert anything in your bum that could break.

I always recommend that the novice ass fucker start his or her ass exploration with a finger or two. This cuts down on the expense of buying toys, at least until you discover if you like this kind of play or not. Once you’ve got the hang of digital stimulation and you’ve discovered all the joy spots you can reach, you can move on to the vast array of toys and implements that are especially designed for your butt pleasure. If you’re stumped by what toys to buy, check out my Product Review Page or my Sex Toy Awareness feature for some ideas. Of course your ass play may include a nice stiff cock, but it doesn’t have to.

Name: Michael
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Location: Minneapolis
I’m a 23-year-old bisexual paraplegic. Hey ya have to be available for whatever comes your way when you’re in a chair, right? I got this way in a really stupid alcohol related diving accident three years ago. So ok, I fucked up.
I was just getting my groove on sexually before the accident, nothing serious, fooled around with my cousin Jack and got a severe case of blue balls with this chick, Amber, I used to date. Anyhow, I’m finding it hard to connect with guys or girls for a bit of fun so I thought I’d write you and ask for advice. By the way, the equipment still works, sort of.
I think most people think disabled people can’t have or don’t want sex. I would like to have a relationship with someone who doesn’t pity me, but is hot for me. I have this really developed upper body, like a gymnast, and people tell me I have a handsome face. That should be enough to get me laid, right? Is there such a thing as a wheelchair fetish?

You’re a fuckin’ treasure, darlin’! I mean it. If you come across as upbeat self-effacing, humorous and sexy in person as you do in this message you shouldn’t have any problems getting laid. Ahhh, but of course, writing for online sex advice from a total stranger is probably a whole lot easier than wheeling up to another hot dude or sizzlin’ chick and suggesting a torrid session of the old slap and tickle, huh?

Yet despite the inherent discomfort and difficulty of being that upfront, that’s preciselywheelchair8.jpg what’s gonna get you laid. It’s all in the presentation Michael. Self-confidence and charm trumps disability every time. Unfortunately, many people think that “paralyzed from the waist down” means “there’s nothin’ goin on down there.” It’s your job to change their perception about that. Now, I’m not suggesting you be a dick about this. Just be your own sweet self and put it out there as natural as can be. You’re entitled to some good lovin’, just like the rest of us. And just like the rest of us, you’re gonna have to learn how to ask for what you want.

While I completely understand you’re not looking for a mercy fuck from someone who will take you out of pity. There may be a number of potential partners out there who’d jump your bones as a novelty…at least at first. I certainly wouldn’t turn my nose up at these folks if I were you. Because a novelty fuck is a teachable moment when you can show the benighted dude or chick what you can do.

paraplegic1.jpgIf you see yourself as a sexual being and put out a sex-positive vibe, I am confident that you will connect with folks. Make eye contact and smile. If you’re leering at her tits or focused on his package, you’re objectifying a potential partner. You don’t want that to happen to you, so don’t do it to anyone else. Consider coming up with a few choice lines that’ll call attention to all the sexual things you can do. Like, “The old legs don’t work so good, but there’s nothing wrong with my mouth and tongue.” Get the picture?

As for wheelchair fetishists, they’re out there honey. Just like the amputee/devotee fetishists I’ve talked/written about. There are even paraplegic porn stars. Just think, this could be the beginning of a whole new career move for you.

Do an internet search using the key words wheelchair fetish. I did and found a couple of really amazing sites: and Check ‘em out.

Just remember, each of us has one kind of disability or another, yours just happens to be really obvious.

Name: Maggie
Gender: female
Age: 36
Location: Reno
I’m faced with a real problem. I consider myself pretty open minded about most things, including sex. Hell, I live and work in Reno, for god sake. I’ve encountered my share of kinksters in my day, but mostly at a distance. Now the kink is right on my doorstep, or should I say right in my bed. My muscular, well-built boyfriend, a guy who does erotic dancing for a living, wants to wear diapers in our sex play. WTF? I never saw this coming. I thought this guy was a normal as they came till last week when he showed up at my place wearing diapers under his workout pants and he wanted me to baby him. I pretty much lost it. Help me understand what’s going on here.

What we have here, darling, is a fella with a diaper fetish, but you’ve already figured that much out on your own, right? This particular fetish is associated with a paraphilia called infantilism. It seems to be growing in popularity, or at least it’s way more out of the closet these days than ever before. The internet offers several sites that cater to Adult Babies and Diaper Lovers. (The shorthand being: AB/DLs) They feature adult sized baby things — diapers, clothes and baby toys, you name it.

Why would anyone, least of all your hunky stripper boyfriend, be into this? Well, there’sadult_baby004.jpg lots of speculation about that — ranging from traumatic early life experiences to the simple desire to be babied. So I guess you’ll just have to ask him what’s up with him, because the source of his urges may be very particular to him.

I want to quickly point out that none of this actually involves real babies or children. And while infantilism and diaper fetishes are pretty benign as far as fetishes go; I certainly can see how the eroticism in a relationship can go right out the window when such a thing is introduced by surprise. I mean, if you are all hot for this dude because he’s hunky and masculine and stuff, and he surprises you with diapers and wants you to mother him; that could easily put the kibosh on the whole sex thing right away.

So I gotta ask, are you into this guy enough to try and understand and perhaps even indulge his particular kink? Or is this just too much, even for an open-minded gal like you, to bear? If you want to go the route of trying to understand, I do have some thoughts.

If you can abide a little diaper play with the BF, I think he’d be eternally grateful. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to come out to you like he did. I do encourage, however, that you to set some boundaries. Let him know, in no uncertain terms, what you will and will not tolerate. Then stick to your guns. You might want to suggest a trade off; you’ll indulge him his diapers and whatnot just as long as his freak doesn’t cross over into your intimate sex life together.

Name: Edmond
Gender: male
Age: 30
Location: Sidney
I want to try jelqing. What do you know about it? Does it really work?

Jelqing refers to various repetitive massage techniques that claim to increase the size — both in length and girth of a guys cock. The origin of the word is unclear; some say it’s a corruption of “jerk-off”. I doubt that, but whatever!

The folks promoting these exercises refer to them as “natural” because they don’t involve any of the myriad stretching and pumping devices that are available. The claim is that all you need to “grow” your johnson is your two hands, some lubricant and a whole lot of free time every single day.

i_love_my_penis.jpgLike all the other products and devices designed to appeal to all the guys who suffer from big-penis envy, jelqing has spawned a substantial internet industry. There are endless tutorials, guides and programs…at a substantial cost, designed to assist men in implementing these very simple exercises.

There are jelqing online communities, message boards and forums for devotees to update each other on the gains they are making in size. They also share their own custom-developed exercises. No doubt because this is a do-it-yourself sort of deal, jelqing has become the most popular penis enlargement method in America.

There’s a basic jelqing daily workout that lasts from 30-60 minutes. The exercises start with a warm bath or a hot compress applied to the cock to increases blood flow. This gets your schlong ready for the exercises that follow. You can only jelq when your dick semi-erect, don’t ‘cha know. It won’t work if you got a full-on stiffy.

Apply lubricant to your dick. Then firmly grip and completely encircle the base of your cock, ensuring that blood flowing into your dick doesn’t escape, ya know, kinda like using your hand as a cockring. Then you milk your member moving your hand towards your dickhead forcing the blood toward the end of the cock. This is supposed to expand things and make you “grow” a bigger one. The average workout usually consists of around 100-200 of these movements. Doesn’t that sound like fun?

The proponents of jelqing insist this is not jack off session, although one can see how it can easily become one. If these exercises stimulate you to the point where you shoot your wad, that’s pretty much the end that exercise period. Also, if you’re jelqing too much or too hard you could hurt yourself and be in bigger trouble than havin’ mini meat. The claim is that after several months of this, you should see a size increase, both in girth or length. I seriously doubt that, since what you gain in length you pay for is loss of girth.

I am told that effective jelqing demands an hour or more each day for at least a year for exercises to be effective. I mean, who has that kind of free time on his hands? No wonder most men fail to complete their jelqing programs.

So I suppose if having a bigger cock is worth the time necessary to “grow” one with this kind of program, knock yourself out. It seems an utter waste of time to me.

Good luck ya’ll

Anal Pillow Talk


Look for my newshare.jpeg

Product Review!SHARE by Fun Factory

“For those of you who have yet to figure this out, just by lookin at this marvel, SHARE is a wearable double dildo made of 100% medical-grade Silicone. This is surely a toy for two.

Check it out, the vagina owin’ partner inserts the shorter, more bulbous end into her who-ha. The shape of this insertable part is sure to stimulate her G-spot, don’t cha know. But that’s not all; there is an upward curve to the protruding cock-end of this device that’ll sure enough wind up smack-dab on your clit once the bulbous insert is in place. But wait, there’s more!.”

…full review here

Feed Your Hole(s)!

In light of all the mail I’m gettin lately from both women and men asking about anal stimulation; I want to welcome you to yet another one of my Handy Dandy Sex Toy Advisories. This time: The Wonderful World of Butt Plugs!

Not sure what a butt plug is or why you would want one? Or maybe you sure enough know a butt plug from a hole in your head, but you just don’t know how to go about choosing the right one for you. Well, never fear, because Dr Dick is here And you can thank all my inquisitive correspondents and the treasure trove that is Dr Dick’s Stockroom for the heads up on these puppies.

A butt plug is an anal stimulation device that allows you to enjoy sustained anal pleasure (and prostate stimulation for the men folk) without the worry of having your toy fall out, or worse, disappear up your chute.d368

Let’s look at a typical butt plug to get a feel for how it works. Unlike most dildos and other anal toys, a butt plug is shorter and has a unique shape. The insertable part is often a tapered cone shape, designed for easy insertion and that all-filled-up feeling while it’s in place.

The plug tapers more dramatically near the base into a notch. This allows your sphincter muscle to close down on the plug keeping it firmly in place. Finally the wide base keeps it from slipping inside your bum.

Pretty gal-darn clever, huh?

But why would I want a plug in my ass? You might query. That, my friend, is a question only a rank amateur would ask. Unfamiliar with the joys of butt play, are ya? Well, here’s the 411 on anal pleasuring. Your bum is chock full of nerve ending that, when stimulated, induce intense pleasure. And a butt plug can be worn for hours at a time for a sustained dose of devilish delight.

Once you decide to give a plug a try, you’ll have loads of options to choose from. There is a slue of different sizes, shapes colors and textures. They come in several different materials. And some even vibrate. How fun is that?

Let’s look at all these options in turn.

— Start with SIZE.
If you’re new to the whole anal thing, I recommend you try something small. You’ll want an insertable length of less then 4” and a diameter of 2.5”. Feeling a bit more daring? Want to increase the insertable length and/or diameter? Knock yourself out, my friend. There are dozens of sizes available.

— Next choose a Material.
Got the dimensions you want, but not sure about what kind of material you want plugging your hole? I know that may sound funny, but it actually does matter what you insert where the sun don’t shine!

Say, Dr Dick, how do I know what material is best for me? Excellent question! See, you’re becoming a well-informed consumer already. Let me detail some of the finer points for you.

Latex — the granddaddy of sex toy material.
Soft and flexible
Use with both water-based and oil-based lubes.

Porous, thus less hygienic
Difficult to clean
May contain phthalates
Distinct rubbery odor

Jelly —advancements in chemistry transformed ordinary latex into even softer and more pliable jellies.b796
Super-soft and flexible
Appealing translucent jelly-like appearance
Use with both water-based and oil-based lubes.
Comes in a variety of colors

Porous, thus less hygienic
Difficult to clean
Probably contain phthalates
Distinct rubbery odor

Silicone — a non-latex product that come in two varieties — firm and soft.
Durable and long lasting
Easy to maintainc552.jpg
You can sterilize silicone toys by boiling them
They’re bleachable
Dishwasher safe
More realistic feel
Retains body heat
Comes in a variety of colors
Less of an odor

More expensive
Use only water-based lubes

Stainless Steel —it is smooth, hard and a thing of beauty.c991.jpg
Super-durable and long lasting
Easy to maintain
You can sterilize Stainless Steel toys by boiling them
Dishwasher safe
Much heftier weight
No unpleasant odor
Can be warmed or chilled
Use with both water-based and oil-based lubes.

More expensive
Hard and inflexible

Pyrex Glass — a hard dense glass that will not shatter or splinter. A work of art.
PLUSSES —xh600
Super-durable, long lasting
Easy to maintain
You can sterilize Pyrex toys by boiling them
Dishwasher safe
Hefty weight
No unpleasant odor
Can be warmed or chilled
Use with both water-based and oil-based lubes.

More expensive
Hard and inflexible

New Supersoft — a new material that’s has the closest feel to real-life skin. It can be both soft and rigid.
Less expensive
Great texture

Very porous
Less hygienic
Always use with a condom
Use only both water-based lubes.
Difficult to cleanb667.jpg
Distinct rubbery odor

Rubber — An old standard!
Durable, very long lasting
Use with both water-based and oil-based lubes.
Comes in a vast array of colors
Very porous, less hygienic
Difficult to clean
Distinct rubbery odor

— Next choose Special Features.
Once you’ve decided on the material you want, you can customize your butt plug with special features like:

  • Bendable
  • Inflatable
  • Multi speed vibrating
  • Suction cup

— Next choose Texture.
Latex, silicone and rubber butt plugs come in an array of textures. Which one of these buggers will tickles your fancy?

  • Bulged
  • Noduled
  • Nubbed
  • Ribbed
  • Smooth
  • Studded
  • Swirled
  • Veined
  • Velvety

I’ll Bite…

Name: Bob
Age: 22
Location: NJ
I have been having a ton of rough sex with my boyfriend and the last time we did it he complained that I ripped something up there and that it burns whenever I try to slide in. He also says it burns sometime when he does #2 and he finds blood also! What can we do to get him better and prevent this from happing again?

Oh Bob? Are you completely brain dead? Tell me that you and your BF have been doing so many drugs that you’ve both fried your brains to the point that neither one of you can put two and two together. Please tell me that, because that is the only explanation for either or both of you not attending to your abused BF’s butt hole before now. You simply can’t be that friggin’ ignorant! Where there’s pain and blood, there is BIG trouble. Your BF needs to see a doctor immediately. If an infection sets in, he could lose his bowls. And he’ll have to shit in a bag for the rest of his life.

Listen up, you monkeys! If you’re gonna be doin’ a lot of rough sex, especially weremen_fucking46.jpg delicate innards are concerned, you gotta know that it’s only a matter of time till you cause some serious harm. And I know for certain that rough sex inside someone’s asshole is simply impossible unless the bottom is wigged out on some mind and body altering substance. This is absolutely and always unadvisable!

If you have some death wish, fine…proceed. But if you are serious about wanting to know how to prevent this from happening again, that’s easy too. First, quit the fuckin’ drugs…at least while you’re fuckin’ each other senseless. Second, rough sex is fine to a point. But if the rough sex involves abusing someone’s rectum or colon, then you’re goin way too far.

Name: Thomas
Gender: male
Age: 18
Location: Dublin
I just want to know how you start and ask a girl to have sex.

Well, that sure is to the point, Thomas! I suppose the answer to that query will depend on the young woman in question. Do you have a particular girl in mind? Or is this a generic “how to” question?

I’m of the mind that the direct approach works best, just so long as you’re not gonna be a dick about it. That being said, if the chick is a mate of yours and you fancy her, you’ll need to take a different approach to finessing a fuck than if you want to shag a relative stranger.


So, before I go much further with my advice on how to bag a bird, I think we’d better take a good look at you first. Is there anything about you that would make you attractive to a young lass? I mean if you’re not overly geeky and have a bit of charm about you, your task is gonna be considerably easier than if you are some uncouth Neanderthal who just wants to dip his wick in some fine pussy.

If you’re not sure what kind of guy you are, ask a woman friend for her honest feedback. If she tells you she’d bump you in a pinch — you may have something going for you. If she tells you that she’d rather let her cooch die a slow lonely death than fuck the likes of you — you definitely have your work cut out for you.

Regardless of what group you fall into — the “possibly fuckable”, or the “not fuckingdating_bar.jpg ever;” you can always improve your image among the ladies. Look to how you present yourself; make sure you are groomed, clean and odor-free. Dress to impress. That doesn’t mean fancy or fussy. Just make sure it looks like you gave your cloths a thought before you dressed yourself. Make yourself interesting; have a point of view. But share it sparingly. If you can’t be clever and witty, then keep your mouth shut for the most part. Women love the strong silent type. And they rarely know if the silence is stoic or stupid till it’s way too late.

And if you really want to get laid never approach any woman like she’s a piece of meat. If you think women are put on this earth simply to satisfy a man’s needs, stick to pullin’ your own pud. And here’s a tip: I always suggest that a guy squeeze one off before he goes on a date. This will take the edge off his sexual tension and his blue balls won’t be so friggin obvious to the lass he’s tryin’ to woo. There’s nothing more unattractive to most women than a desperate fuck. Besides, if you don’t jerk off first, you’ll have way too short a fuse and you’ll be finished before she even begins. Get it? Got it? Good!

If you’re not already friends with the chick you lookin’ to bone, take the time to become her friend. This will involve some effort. If you’re not in it for the long haul, then skip it and find yourself a pro who will get you off for a few quid.

If the woman in mind is already a friend, and she trusts you because you’ve been nice to her, you’re half way there. She’ll be more inclined to say yes to your direct request.

Keep in mind that women are different from men, especially where sex is concerned. Few women are as casual about sex as are most men. So if she says no don’t take it personally. She may just be shy, or not ready, or not sure. It’s your job to draw her out, be patient while you do so. And most of all reassure her that you have her best interest at heart.

If she is uncomfortable with you, ask her why. You may learn some very interestingcunny009.jpg things about yourself that you need to work on. Maybe she just wants you to take your time and finesse her into giving up the bump.

If she has her wits about her, she’ll be concerned about the whole pregnancy thing. This is much more serious concern for a girl then for a boy. If you’re not well versed on several methods of contraception, you’re not ready to have sex. Sexually transmitted infections ought to be a concern for you both. Don’t be a fuck-up; always use a condom.

If you’ve got a hardon, it’s not the right time to be pestering a chick for sex. Talk about having sex at another time when the need is not so urgent. If you pressure her to service your wood, you’re going about this at the wrong time and in the wrong way. If she senses that all you want is to satisfy your loathsome self, she’ll have you pegged as the asshole you are.

Remember that there are lots of different ways to have sex, so she might welcome one type while rejecting another. Maybe she’d be up for a hand job or blowjob, just no full-on fucking. Whatever the case may be, you’d be well advised to get her off a couple of times before you look to your own satisfaction. Whatever you do, respect her boundaries and let her know that you won’t pressure her to do anything she doesn’t want to do.

In the end, there no standard way to ask for sex, but if you treat the woman with respect, honesty, and patience, you can be sure that whatever words you use they’ll be more welcomed than if you’re a jerk.

Name: Sita
Gender: female
Age: 19
Location: Delhi
I came to know u through the net. I am from India and I am 19 years old. I am married for the past one year and I have a problem. Myself and my husband had sexual relationship which meant only breaking of the hymen but whenever he tries to insert it I cry out of pain and stop him from it. I really do not know how to overcome this problem. Kindly help me please.

The two most likely reasons for this painful fucking are: 1) you’re not aroused enough before the fucking begins, or 2) you have a physical condition that might make fucking painful, even if you are aroused.

black_couple.jpgI’d be willing to bet that, in your case, Sita, the first reason is the more likely cause of your discomfort. This is often the case with young people having their first go at sex. One can hardly fault them, both women and men in our culture, as well as the women and men in yours, are not particularly informed about their own sexual response cycle, much less the sexual response cycle of their partners.

Young women new to sex, may not have time to come to full arousal before their man starts trying to shove it in. A woman, particularly one who is new to fucking, must come to full arousal before her partner attempts penetration. A man, on the other hand, needs only to have a stiff dick. And if the young men in your country are anything like the young men here in the good old US of A, they pretty much a hardon 24 hours a day. This obviously makes them ready and eager for the old in and out long before their female partners are ready and eager for the same. If your husband is guilty of this, and I’d bet my last rupee that he is, your body will resist him, even if you want to make a go of it.

I’d also be willing to bet that your culture, like ours, doesn’t value a woman’s sexuality or pleasure as much as it values a man’s sexuality and pleasure. If that’s the case, you’re gonna have to struggle against those cultural forces to gain your rightful place as an equal sex partner in your marriage.

Start by being well informed about your own sexual response cycle. If you don’t know what turns your crank, don’t expect your hubby to know what to do. My first question to you is: are you orgasmic? If not, there’s a whole lot of remedial sex learning for you to do on your own. If you resist doing this, for whatever reason — women are not supposed to do that, blah, blah, blah —you can say good by to ever enjoying sex with your man.

Once you figure out how your body work, it’s gonna be your responsibility to instructpenetration.jpg your husband on the subtleties and points of interest of your particular pussy. Touch is very important to most women: often a woman will want to be touched and caressed all over, not just on the sexually charged points of her body like her tits and clit. Take your husband on a little touch tour of your body. Literally, take him by the hand and touch yourself with his fingers. Show him the kind of touch you like in the places you like to be touched. Take your time with this. I can guarantee he’s not gonna get it the first time out.

With your help he’s gonna be able to see your arousal build. He should be encouraged to use his lips and mouth as well as his hands. Make your man work for his bone, darling. If you let him just pounce on you like a sack of rice, that’s how he’s gonna respond to you. If you want him to behave like a lover rather than a conqueror, then you’re gonna have to demand that of him.

If you’re not fully aroused, your pussy will be dry. Use a lubricant to make yourself slippery and to facilitate penetration. If you can’t get commercial lube, cooking oil, body lotion or saliva is better than nothing at all.

If you follow these simple steps, Sita, you will have greater success with your fucking. You will experience great pleasure for yourself and be a fount of pleasure for your husband. In the end, it is you who must take the lead in this. Know your own body, so you can teach your husband about it. Then insist that he respect and use that information.

Name: Tench
Age: 27
Location: San Francisco
Dear Dr. Dick: I read your response to someone having trouble making gay friends. You said casual sex tends to be the norm for making friends in the gay community. I actually agree, but I wish that weren’t the only answer. My boyfriend and I have been happily together for over a year and a half. We lost a lot of “friends” because we are in a monogamous relationship. It seems they were friends to the extent they had a chance of sleeping with (or dating) either one of us. So now we have significantly less friends, which tends to happen I suppose when a couple takes the time to grow together and bond. But now we want to re-emerge to the social scene, go out more often and have fun. We don’t want to make friends vis a vis threesomes or on open relationship. Are you saying we’re doomed to never have gay friends again unless we put out? Honestly, that’s how it often seems in SF, and frankly, it’s not acceptable. I’d rather just be with my boyfriend. Thanks!
What an interesting predicament you present. Would you mind if we examined things a bit closer? You’re tellin’ me you guys used to have friends before you got together in the sexually exclusive relationship you’re currently enjoying, right? Then these former friends…and I think it’s pretty safe to assume these were mostly single friends…began to drop away when they realized they no longer could compete for either of your affections, right?

Well, do ya blame ‘em, darlin’? I sure don’t. I mean why would any self-respecting single gay man stick around? Just to enjoy your little nesting experience from afar? Gee, no thanks!

If these former friends were also suitors to either you or your current husband, whymale_kiss.jpg would you want them to hang in there? You are making such a big deal out of the exclusivity of your nest, wouldn’t these others just be unwelcome 3rd wheels, as it were? I believe these other, not so exclusively encumbered as you, gay men would be much better served by taking their leave of you and your current husband and trying to find their own nesting situation. On top of the sexual tension that would continue if they did stick around, they’d also not be positioning themselves very well to find their own mate. Would you not agree?

So, ok I hope we cleared up that part. Now you say that you and your current husband are through with the first stage of nesting, the really exclusive part. And you now want to increase your circle of friends. Ok, that’s not a particularly tall order to fill! You’d probably do well to look to other couples for these new friendships, right? I mean, what would you old married guys have in common with single queer men…other than your youthfulness?

Good luck ya’ll

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