What Are the Benefits of a Prostate Massage?

By Wendy Wisner

A prostate massage involves stimulating and massaging the prostate gland with a finger or sex toy for either sexual release or to treat a medical condition like prostatitis, an enlarged prostate, urinary hesitancy, or erectile dysfunction. 1

The prostate gland is a small, walnut-shaped organ located just below the bladder and in front of the rectum. Its main job is to make the seminal fluid — semen — that helps sperm travel and survive in the acidic environment of a vagina. 2

Although major medical organizations and independent healthcare providers don’t often promote a prostate massage as a medical procedure or therapy, it’s been used for over 100 years to treat conditions such as chronic prostatitis. 3

A prostate massage can be a circular type of motion, or an application of gentle pressure. It’s usually performed by a medical professional, or can also be performed by a significant other. Some people choose to self-stimulate their prostate with sex toys or fingers.

Here are the health benefits of a prostate massage, risks, and how to safely and effectively perform a prostate massage.

The health benefits of prostate massage are based on very limited studies and many of the studies are old studies. However, there is some evidence that massaging the prostate has medical advantages.

May Help With Urinary Flow

The prostate can become enlarged as people age, a condition known as benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH).2 BPH can cause the urethra to be compressed, and lead to issues with urination, such as incomplete bladder emptying, trouble starting urine, or dribbling at the end of urination.

An older 2006 study that looked at urine retention in older males found that prostate massage, combined with antimicrobial therapy and alpha-blocker therapy, helped resolve urinary retention, and allowed for effective urination in all study participants. 4

Any urination issues such as painful urination, limited flow, feeling of not being able to empty your bladder, incontinence, or blood in urine warrants a visit to a healthcare provider such an urologist.

May Help Treat Prostatitis

Prostatitis is swelling and inflammation of the prostate gland. It can be caused by a urinatiry tract infection (UTI) or a bladder infection. Although prostate massages have historically been used to treat prostatitis, research is mixed on its effectiveness.

For example, an older study from 2006 found that prostate massages were helpful for some people with chronic prostatitis, but these improvements were not significant and the study researchers deemed it needed more research.5 Another old study found that prostate massages may be helpful in treating prostatitis — specifically when combined with antibiotics.6

However, a more recent systematic review from 2018 concluded that it’s unclear whether prostate massages decrease or increase prostatitis symptoms. 7

Does it Improve Erectile Dysfunction?

People often cite prostate massages as a treatment for erectile dysfunction. However, there is no clear evidence linking prostate massage with improved sexual function.7 Still, an older published case study from 2004 found that prostate massages improved the sexual function of an elderly man.4 Other anecdotal reports similar to this have circulated, leading people to believe that prostate massage may help with sexual dysfunction. 4

May Enhance Sexual Pleasure

The prostate gland is often referred to as the male “G spot” or “P spot.” There is evidence to back up the notion that stimulation of the prostate during sex can be highly pleasurable and result in more intense orgasms. Although there is little understanding of the medical reasons behind this, studies describe rectal stimulation of the prostate as producing “ecstatic feelings” that may be even more pleasurable than stimulating the penis. 1

Prostate massage and prostate milking are similar, and both involve stimulation of the prostate through the rectum. Prostate milking is usually associated with sexual pleasure, and  its goal is to release seminal fluid from the prostate, which is released during an orgasm. Whereas prostate massage is sometimes medical in nature. 2

There are no known adverse effects associated with prostate massage.7 But the tissues lining the prostate and rectum are delicate and vulnerable to tears and abrasions. Massaging the prostate too roughly can easily lead to discomfort and soreness. A 2009 study that looked at self-administered prostate massages for the treatment of urinary tract symptoms among older males found that about 8% of study participants complained of rectal soreness with treatment. 8

Prostate massage is advised against certain medical conditions. For example, the American Academy of Family Physicians Foundation (AAFP) has warned that prostate massage should be avoided if you have acute bacterial prostatitis, or if you have a suspected case. 9< Anyone who is interested in having a prostate massage performed should check with their healthcare provider first, especially if they have any known medical conditions. Prostate massage should not be substituted for proper medical care or medical screenings of the prostate. Periodic prostate cancer screening is recommended for males aged 55 through 69. 10

Prostate massages may be performed by your healthcare provider, by your partner, or yourself. When performed by a healthcare provider, the massage may be similar to a rectal exam, where your healthcare provider inserts a gloved finger into your rectum, examines your prostate, and gently massages.

If you or your partner are performing a prostate massage, here are some things to keep in mind:

  • The massage should be done with clear consent, and should be stopped if discomfort or pain is experienced.
  • It’s important to thoroughly wash your hands or sex toys before insertion; some people prefer to wear gloves.
  • Liberal use of lubricant is advised.
  • To begin, insert your finger a few inches into the anus.
  • Locate the prostate, which will feel like a small lump.
  • Gently massage the prostate by moving your finger in a circular motion, or whatever motion feels comfortable and/or pleasurable.
  • For people who are uncomfortable with rectal stimulation, the prostate can be stimulated by massage and pressure on the perineum, which is the area located between the anus and scrotum.11 However, it may not be easy to find it that way. 

A prostate massage involves gentle stimulation of the prostate gland by inserting a finger or sex toy into the rectum, locating the prostate, and massaging. Prostate massages may have some medical benefits, such as reducing symptoms of prostatitis and helping with urine flow.74 However, the evidence for medical benefits is limited.

Many find prostate massage highly pleasurable and prostate massage may result in more intense orgasms. 1 Although prostate massage appears to be a relatively safe practice, it’s important to touch base with your healthcare provider before getting a prostate massage, especially if you have any underlying medical conditions. 7

Complete Article HERE!

Google reveals top sex questions people asked in 2023

By Emily Brown

Google has revealed the top sex questions people asked this year – and it’s made me slightly concerned for everyone who lived before the internet.

Honestly, what the hell did people do before its creation?

You’re telling me they nipped over to the local library and scanned the shelves to find out the answers to their explicit questions?

I don’t think so.

But of course, with the creation of the internet also comes data that can be stored and analysed, allowing Google to come up with the very list we’re reporting on today.

It might be embarrassing to think about how Google probably knows exactly whether you’re among the people asking these questions, but at least you’ll know you’re not alone.

So, let’s get on with it shall we?

10 – How do fish have sex?

I bet that’s not where you thought we’d be starting, is it? But it’s a valid enough question, even if it’s never crossed your mind before.

If you’re curious now, I can tell you that fish apparently aren’t so bothered about having sex as they are with reproducing.

Spawning fish get themselves into what’s known as a ‘nuptial embrace’, where the male wraps his body around the female and releases milt into the water, while the female releases eggs which are then immediately fertilized.

Fish are more bothered about having babies than getting busy. Credit: Pixabay
Fish are more bothered about having babies than getting busy.

9 – Why do I have no sex drive female

There are a number of things that can lower your sex drive as a woman, including relationship problems, stress, anxiety or depression, sexual problems, pregnancy, medicines and hormonal contraception.

If you’re worried about low sex drive, you can get in touch with your GP for advice.

8 – What is anal sex?

Loads of you might be clued up on exactly what anal sex is, but clearly there are a lot of people still out there wondering.

To put it simply, anal sex involves penetration of the anus, rather than the vagina.

You wouldn't want to ask about anal sex in a library. Credit: Pixabay
You wouldn’t want to ask about anal sex in a library.

7 – How long after a miscarriage can you have sex?

As well as dealing with the emotional effects of miscarriage, there are also a number of physical effects which can impact sex.

People may bleed for a period of time following a miscarriage, during which time

the cervix is dilated wider than normal, making it more prone to infection.

To help ensure you can carry out healthy sex, doctors recommend waiting at least two weeks after miscarriage before inserting anything into the vagina.

6 – How many calories do you burn during sex?

Is it possible to really get a good workout from pleasure?

Research indicates that you can at least equate some fun in the bedroom to light exercise – with one study conducted by the University of Quebec at Montreal revealing that men burned an average of 101 calories in 24 minutes, while women burned 69 calories.

No, I’m not making that number up.

Sex can be considered light exercise. Credit: Pexels
Sex can be considered light exercise.

5 – How many dates should you go on before having sex?

Ah, the age-old question. What is the perfect number? Some live by the three-date rule, while others want to wait until they hit four or five.

Ultimately, it comes down to your own preferences; when you’re ready, whether you actually still like the person after a few dates, and whether you actually want to have sex with them.

4 – Why do I bleed after having sex?

The NHS states there are a number of reasons women may bleed after having sex, including an infection, vaginal dryness or damage to the vagina.

In rare instances, bleeding after sex can be a sign of cervical or vaginal cancer.

If you’re concerned, contact your GP for advice.

3 – What is sex positivity?

There are varying definitions of sex positivity, but generally it’s about openness and appreciation of sex, including sexual orientations, interests, identities and expressions.

Embrace and enjoy it!

Sex positivity is about embracing and appreciating sex. Credit: Pexels
Sex positivity is about embracing and appreciating sex.

2 – Can you have sex when pregnant?

There have been a few jokes made on TV and in films about whether the baby could be impacted by the sudden appearance of an unexpected guest in the vagina, but I can assure you that, unless you’ve been specifically advised by a doctor or midwife to avoid sex, the baby will be fine.

A penis or toy wouldn’t penetrate beyond the vagina, meaning having sex is perfectly safe.

1 – What is speed bump sex position?

Here we are, at the most Googled sex question of 2023. I’m surprised positions didn’t come up sooner, but everyone’s clearly spent this year focused on one in particular.

So, what is the speed bump?

Popularized by Love Island star Tom Clare after he mentioned it on the show, the speed bump involves one person putting a pillow under their hips before lying face down.

The pillow forms the so-called ‘speed bump’, though I’m not sure how effective it is at getting people to slow down.

So there you have it, you’ve managed to learn the answers to the year’s top sex questions without becoming a Google statistic.

You’re welcome.

Complete Article HERE!

Masturbation Tips for People With Vaginas

— Masturbation is a natural and healthy aspect of sexual development that has many health benefits. There are various ways for individuals with vaginas to self-pleasure, including using their hands and toys to stimulate their genitals and other erogenous zones, like the nipples.

By

Key takeaways:

  • Masturbation has many health benefits, including reducing stress, improving sleep quality, and learning what feels pleasurable.
  • The most common types of masturbation include clitoral, vaginal, and anal stimulation or a combination of the three.
  • Tips for exploring each area include applying a lubricant, slowly increasing arousal, and experimenting with different strokes, pressures, and speeds.

If you’re new to exploring self-pleasure or looking for ways to enhance your experience, we’ve gathered some tips and insights below that may be helpful.

Benefits of masturbation

Masturbation has a myriad of health benefits, making it a healthy and fun sexual activity. Masturbation has been found to:

  • Reduce stress
  • Relieve sexual tension
  • Improve sleep quality
  • Enhance knowledge of how you like to be pleasured
  • Improve mood
  • Strengthen the pelvic floor muscles
  • Alleviate period pain for some people

Different types of masturbation

There are various erogenous zones for people with vaginas for self-pleasure. In this article, we’ll focus on the most commonly practiced types of masturbation to help you get started. However, there are many ways to explore and enjoy your body, and you should always feel empowered to pleasure yourself in a comfortable and pleasurable way.

Clitoral masturbation

Clitoral masturbation is the most common form of masturbation for folks with vaginas, as many people cannot orgasm without clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is a highly sensitive erogenous zone that contains approximately 10,000 sensory nerve endings, making it a prime area for self-pleasure. You can pleasure the clitoris using your fingers to rub all areas of the clitoris, or you can use a vibrating or suction sex toy for extra stimulation.

Vaginal masturbation

Vaginal masturbation is also another common form of masturbation, and while it feels pleasurable for many people, not everyone can orgasm from vaginal stimulation. There are several pleasurable areas in the vagina that you can explore, and many people find stimulating the top wall of the vagina, often referred to as the G-spot, pleasurable. You can pleasure the vagina using your fingers or a sex toy.

Anal masturbation

The anus and rectum contain many sensory nerve endings, making anal masturbation a highly pleasurable experience. You can please the anus externally using fingers or a vibrator or internally using anal toys or fingers.

How to get started

While each person’s self-pleasure routine will look different, there are a few tips that many people use to help get them in the mood.

Create a relaxing environment

To maximize pleasure during masturbation, it’s important to ensure that you have a cozy environment. To do this, first, ensure that you have some privacy by locking the door and switching off your phone to avoid any unwelcome interruptions. If you live somewhere with limited privacy, consider jumping in the bath or shower and locking the door behind you.

Next, make your chosen room as desirable as possible by considering what is pleasurable to each of your five senses. Consider lighting candles, dimming the lights, wearing something that feels luxurious or turns you on, and playing relaxing music or sounds.

Don’t forget lubrication

You may know that a lubricant is an essential ingredient for pleasurable intercourse, but did you know that it also makes masturbation feel amazing too? While the vagina is self-lubricating, sometimes it doesn’t produce enough lubrication to make sex pleasurable. This is why you should always use a lubricant when having any kind of sexual activity. And if you’re exploring anal play, lubrication is a must, as the anus isn’t self-lubricating.

Get exploring

No matter which area of the body you intend to explore, the key is to keep an open mind and get curious about how your body can feel and respond to pleasure. Explore different sensations, pressures, speeds, and areas of the body to find out what feels best for you. You may also want to experiment with toys or erotica to help increase arousal.

Tips for exploring the clitoris

The clitoris is a highly sensitive part of the body. Here are some ways you can begin exploring what feels good to you:

  • Start slowly. Start by applying some lubrication to the clitoris and labia, then slowly begin stroking your vulva. There’s no rush to get to the clitoris, so take your time by slowly building up arousal and allowing blood to flow to the area.
  • Vary speed and pressure. When ready, move to the clitoris, rubbing or stroking it with little pressure. Then slowly increase the pressure and the speed of the strokes to your liking.
  • Different techniques. You may want to explore different techniques, such as pinching the clitoris, rubbing it in circles, or stroking it up and down. You can also use a sex toy, such as a vibrator, to gently rub or press onto the clitoris.
  • Increase the pressure. Once you have found a sensation that feels good, increase the pressure and intensity of the strokes, rubbing, or vibrations until you reach orgasm or feel like you’ve had enough.
Tips for exploring the vagina

Finding out what feels good for you inside your vagina is important for increasing sexual pleasure. Try these tips to begin your exploration slowly and sensitively:

  • Stimulate blood flow. Start by applying a lubricant to the clitoris, labia, fingers, and sex toy. Then slowly begin stroking your vulva and clitoris to increase arousal and blood flow to the vagina.
  • Slowly insert fingers or sex toy. When ready, part opens your vagina with your fingers and insert your fingers or a sex toy. Then slowly start exploring the vagina, moving your fingers or toys in a circular motion inside the vagina to find a pleasurable spot.
  • New techniques. You may want to explore different techniques, such as using your fingers in a “come here” motion to stimulate the G-spot, moving your fingers or toys in and out of your vagina, or simultaneously playing with the clitoris.
  • Keep going. Once you have found a sensation that feels good, increase the pressure and intensity of the strokes until you reach orgasm or feel like you’ve had enough.

Tips for exploring the anus

The anus can be a deeply pleasurable area for some people. Try these tips to find out if it’s something you like:

  • Always lubricate. Start by applying a lubricant to your fingers or sex toy. Then slowly begin stroking and rubbing the outside of your anus.
  • Gentle exploration. When ready, carefully insert your finger or toy into your anus, then slowly start exploring the anus, moving your fingers or toy in a circular motion inside the anus to find a pleasurable spot.
  • Experiment. You may want to explore different techniques, such as moving your fingers or toy in and out of your anus or simultaneously playing with the clitoris or vagina.

It’s important to note that when using sex toys to stimulate the anus, they should have a flared base to prevent them from getting lost in the rectum, which can result in surgical intervention.

When it comes to exploring masturbation, the key thing that you should aim for is to have a pleasurable experience. While having an orgasm can be an amazing experience, masturbation without an orgasm can also be incredibly enjoyable. So try not to pressure yourself to have an orgasm each time you masturbate, but rather stay curious about what you find pleasurable, and enjoy the experience.

Complete Article HERE!

How to peg for beginners

— Go slow and use lots of lube.

Pegging is typically referred to a cis woman penetrating a cis man with a strap-on dildo.

By Anna Iovine

So, you’ve heard about “pegging” and want to try it for yourself. Pegging is usually referred to a cis woman penetrating a cis man with a strap-on dildo. You’ve come to the right place; here’s how to have strap-on sex as a straight couple.

If you’re curious about pegging, you’re not alone. Pegging was named the 2023 fetish of the year by porn site Clips4Sale. In 2022, unsubstantiated rumors about a certain member of the royal family — who’s been dubbed “Prince of Pegging” — circulated online, prompting searches for “pegging” to rise by 400 percent.

A note on the term ‘pegging’

Some people may find the term “pegging” offensive. It was coined back in 2001 by sex educator Dan Savage. He asked readers to vote on what term should describe the act; other choices were “bobbing” and “punting.”

As Quinn Rhodes wrote for Refinery29, calling it “pegging” instead of what it is — anal sex with a strap-on — may reinforce the idea that it’s taboo or somehow “wrong.” It could be used by cishet men trying to distance themselves from sex queer people have because of their fear of being perceived as queer or emasculine. In our society, we’re taught that sex is a man penetrating a woman, and that he has more power/control. The penetrated partner, then, is deemed as weak or submissive.

Sex is much more than P-in-V, and doesn’t have to adhere to these stereotypical power dynamics. Sex and desires also don’t determine one’s sexual orientation.

Pegging “doesn’t magically change your sexuality,” said nightlife entrepreneur and former professional dominatrix Venus Cuffs. “The goal is to have fun with each other and safety, preparation, and communication allow you to focus on pleasure and enjoying yourselves together.”

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being queer or submissive, but these ingrained beliefs can take time to unlearn. Before having strap-on anal sex, reflect on and explore your relationship to power and penetration, advised Nicoletta Heidegger, MA, MEd, licensed MFT and sex therapist and host of the Sluts & Scholars podcast.

Why peg?

Anal sex can feel great, explained Heidegger. There are lots of nerve-endings in one’s anus, especially if you have a prostate.

Couples interested in pegging may want to expand other creative ways to experience pleasure, she continued, or struggle to feel pleasure on other body parts. Also, if one partner doesn’t want to be or can’t be penetrated, pegging can be another way to connect.

Preparing to peg

Anal sex is different from vaginal sex. While lubricant is a good idea for the latter, it’s absolutely essential for the former. The anus doesn’t naturally lubricate itself like the vagina does, and it’s also not used to anything being inserted in it (quite the opposite!). Therefore, you need to prepare yourself for anal sex. Head over to Mashable’s guide for a full breakdown of how to do so, but here’s some tips from Heidegger and Cuffs.

Talk about your boundaries, said Heidegger. Mashable has a guide to setting sexual boundaries to help out with that, too. You can watch some classes, as well; Heidegger recommends how-to videos at B Vibe and sex educator Luna Matatas’s classes.

Start small. “When you’re preparing for your first anal insertion, start your preparations with smaller butt plugs, beads, and dildos before you try to go for the desired size of your insertable,” said Cuffs. You or your partner’s fingers can also serve as preparation for something bigger, or even thrusting/grinding can get you used to the feeling of something there.

Think about what sensations you’re after when shopping for a dildo. “Some people, for example, love curved insertables and others do not,” Cuffs said. “There’s also a variety of thickness and length to consider.”

If you’re using toys, make sure they either have a large flared base or hold it if it’s not attached to your partner’s harness. “Things can absolutely get sucked into your ass and get stuck. Full stop,” Cuffs warned. “To avoid ending up in the hospital with doctors removing items from your butt, please only use items that have a base or be prepared to hold it the entire time it is inserted.”

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Pegging 101

Go slow and take your time to experiment and see what you like. Don’t try to shove a dildo in there right away — build up to it with fingers and smaller toys. You may not peg your first-ever session; that’s okay.

Decide if you want to clean out the anus (more about that in our guide to preparing for anal sex) or make dietary changes to help with your digestion (@bottomsdigest is a fun TikTok account that discusses this). Be sure to thoroughly clean any toys (and hands) before and after use.

“And of course, use lube!” Cuffs said. “Loads of lube!” It’s a good idea to have other emergency supplies at the ready, too, like wipes and gloves. Heidegger recommends getting a sex blanket as well.

As always, communication is important. Have a safe word, Heidegger said, and make sure you have a way to check-in during sex. Ask each other: what will I see and hear if you are enjoying yourself? What will I see and hear if you’re not?

“Accept that shit can happen!” Heidegger said. We’re only human after all, and we humans have bodily functions. Clean it up and move on.

Heidegger also recommends having an aftercare plan, both for if it goes well and if it brings up feelings. Trying something new in bed can do this, especially if you’re being penetrated for the first time.

With the right preparation, anal strap-on sex can be fun for both partners. Remember to take deep breaths and try to relax — that’ll help your anus relax, too.

Complete Article HERE!

How to bottom better (for the more experienced)

— Some words of wisdom about lube, positions, douching, and more for better pleasure in bed.

 

By Charles Orgbon III

Bottoming can be an intimate and enjoyable experience for many, but if you’re not prepared – both physically and mentally – it might end in what I like to call a “poo-tastrophe.” For those just dipping their toes in the water, plenty of resources exist online about how to douche, the importance of communication, and why you should carefully listen to your body around bottoming. But as a card-carrying bottom, I have a few additional items I’d like to add to the syllabus.

Here are some words of wisdom to help you experience better pleasure:

Don’t starve yourself — you can eat!

Whether it be for Folsom Street Fair, San Francisco Pride, Chicago Market Days, or Palm Springs’ Blatino Oasis, many bottoms spend entire weekends drinking only water and only eating salads for breakfast, lunch, and dinner so they can “stay ready.” Life doesn’t have to be so restrictive. I found it incredibly liberating when I realized that I have about 2 hours after eating to have anxiety-free receptive sex.

Knowing a timeframe for my body allowed me to make better decisions about when to eat without fear of whether or not I was playing gastrointestinal Russian Roulette. Everybody is different, but for me, meals with wholesome and fibrous foods, as opposed to highly processed foods, allowed me to extend my safe-zone window.

You may need to experience accidents to discover what works and doesn’t work for your body, and if a top doesn’t have patience for you to do this work, I hope you’ll trust me when I tell you that they’re not worth your time.

Save time and use a shower attachment

I bought my first hand-held douche in Amsterdam back in 2017. No one told me that there’s a difference between a vaginal douche and an anal douche. It took me a few years of living in complete oblivion, but I am glad I know now and I eventually found a douching bulb with a finer, more comfortable insert.

…until I realized there was even something better!

Shower attachments are an efficient and usually affordable alternative to bulb douches. Whether you rent or own, you can install them in your shower and they are ready to go at a moment’s notice.

And here’s a life hack: just about any hand-held shower device can be unscrewed and turned into a douching mechanism when held in the right position with the right amount of water pressure. When traveling, try finding the hotel rooms with these types of showers, and you can thank me later!

Find the right position

Many of us have heard of missionary, doggy style, and cowboy. Porn sites love to mention these as prominent categories, but what about superman, leg glider, or seesaw? And scissoring is not just for lesbians! GAY SEX POSITIONS GUIDE fascinates me with a universe of options that make me eager to try with a partner. Use this guide to stimulate (in multiple senses of the word!) conversations about what might be the best position for you. Discover the best way for your partner to reach your prostate.

The trick for partners with smaller penises

Just because someone has a large penis doesn’t make them the best in bed and the opposite can be equally said for someone with a small penis. Sex is so much more than just the physicality of our organs–so don’t discount your potential partners who may be a little less than average. There’s something you can do to achieve pleasure.

Try using a little less lube for a bit more friction, creating a more intense sensation. However, be careful to not use too little lube because friction can also lead to more internal small cuts that increase STI risk. If you’re not using condoms and lube, consider adding Doxy PEP and PrEP to your repertoire.

Find the right lube

The market presents us bottoms with many options for lube. Water-based lubes dry up quickly, but are compatible with sex toys and condoms.

Oil-based lubes such as coconut oil last a bit longer, but shouldn’t be used with condoms (they can cause condoms to break).

Then, there’s silicone lube, like Pjur Back Door, which lasts longer, but is expensive and can stain sheets and clothing.

Premium lubes, like Astroglide X, blend water and silicone so they don’t stain sheets.

I prefer silicone lubes, even though they’re more expensive. But people have their own preferences, and it’s worth taking the time to experiment with different products to find ones that you like for different things (you might like a different lube with toys than one for a partner).

Here’s how to get rid of the post-sex trapped gas

I know that I’m not the only one that’s experienced a longer bottoming session, leaving me with excess air in my gut and feeling a bit bloated. When this happens, I start by walking around and massaging my stomach. If ginger is within reach, I crunch it up and make a tea. For the quickest results, however, I drink caffeine, which excites my digestive system and allows me to expel something, hopefully some of the gas along with it. And voila! Relief!

Bottoming requires so many considerations, and this article isn’t meant to be an exhaustive list, but hopefully makes you think and offers a perspective from the receiving end of things that may be helpful.

Complete Article HERE!

Anal Douching

— How to Prepare and Do It Safely

If you’ve ever considered exploring anal play, it’s natural to have concerns about the potential mess involved. While this mess is nothing to be ashamed of, many people seek a cleaner experience and turn to anal douching. Let’s explore precisely what anal douching is and how to do it safely so that you can focus on pleasure rather than the mess.

By

  • Anal douching involves flushing the rectum with a liquid solution using tools like shower enemas, bulb enemas, fleet enemas, or enema bags.
  • People douche to reduce fecal matter in the rectum for a cleaner experience during anal sex, regardless of sexual orientation.
  • Some research suggests that anal douching may damage the protective cells in the rectum, potentially increasing the risk of STI and HIV transmission.
  • Alternatives to douching include maintaining a high-fiber diet, using wipes for cleanup, using a sex blanket or dark-colored sheets for sheet protection, and prioritizing personal comfort and enjoyment during anal play.

Anal douching explained

Anal douching refers to the practice of cleaning or flushing out the rectum by introducing a liquid solution into the anus. It involves using a specialized device or tool, such as a shower enema, bulb enema, fleet enema, or enema bag, to flush water or a mild saline solution into the rectal area.

The process typically involves filling the device with the desired cleansing solution, gently inserting the nozzle into the anus, and releasing the liquid into the rectum. After a brief period, the expelled liquid and any residual waste are eliminated by emptying the bowels.

Why do people douche?

Many individuals choose to douche to minimize fecal matter in their rectum, providing a cleaner experience during receptive anal sex and reducing concerns about the potential mess. Although it is frequently practiced within the gay community, anal douching can be utilized by anyone interested in engaging in anal play.

Is it anal douching safe?

Some research has found that using anal douches can lead to damage to the outer layer of cells that line the inner surface of the rectum. These cells serve as a protective barrier and are crucial for the overall health and proper functioning of rectal tissues. When this protective barrier is compromised or damaged, it can potentially increase the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and HIV.

If you do want to use a douche, it is crucial to prioritize safety by using the appropriate equipment. It is recommended to purchase douches from reliable sources like a pharmacy or a sex store and carefully follow the instructions on the packaging.

Making your own douche at home is not advisable, as it could cause injury. Furthermore, always ensure that your hands or gloves are freshly cleaned before using a douche, and allow sufficient time between douches. It is important to note that if you have anal fissures or hemorrhoids, douches are not recommended. It is always best to consult a medical professional if you have doubts or concerns about using a douche.

Products needed to douche

To anal douche yourself at home, you will need to select a type of douche, as well as either water or a saline solution, to enter into the rectum. Both saline solution and water can be used for anal douching, and the choice between the two ultimately depends on personal preference and individual needs. However, there are a few different types of douches available.

  • Shower enema. A shower enema is a douching method that utilizes a special attachment that can be connected to a shower head. This attachment allows the water to flow directly into the rectum. It typically provides a continuous and controlled stream of water, making it convenient for those who prefer a thorough cleaning. Shower enemas are often adjustable, allowing the user to regulate the water pressure and temperature.
  • Bulb enema. A bulb enema, also known as a bulb syringe or anal bulb, consists of a rubber or silicone bulb attached to a nozzle. This type of douche is manually operated by squeezing the bulb to expel the liquid into the rectum. Bulb enemas are generally small and compact, making them easy to use and convenient for travel.
  • Fleet enema. Fleet enema is a commercially available pre-packaged douche product that comes in a disposable bottle. It contains a saline solution or a combination of water and laxative agents. Fleet enemas are commonly used for bowel cleansing and constipation relief but can also be used for anal douching. They typically feature a lubricated nozzle attached to the bottle, allowing easy insertion and controlled liquid delivery.
  • Enema bag. An enema bag is a larger-capacity douching device that consists of a bag or reservoir made of rubber or silicone and long tubing with a nozzle. The bag is filled with the desired cleansing solution, and a clamp on the tubing controls the flow of liquid. Enema bags provide the flexibility to adjust the flow rate and volume of the liquid according to personal preference.

How to douche

If you’re looking to safely douche, follow the steps outlined below.

Prepare yourself

Firstly make sure that your hands are clean and that you have read the instructions of your douche kit. Fill the reservoir with lukewarm water or a saline solution. Don’t use harsh chemicals or soaps in the solution, as they irritate the rectal lining. It’s best to use a solution specifically formulated for anal douching, which can be purchased from a pharmacy or sex store. Next, apply a water-based lubricant to the tip of the nozzle to make insertion more comfortable.

Position yourself

Find a comfortable position that allows easy access to the rectal area. Many people find it helpful to douche in the shower to help with the mess, using a squatting motion to help with insertion.

Insert the nozzle and squeeze in the solution

Gently and slowly insert the nozzle into the rectum. Take your time and listen to your body’s signals to avoid any discomfort. Depending on the type of douche kit you’re using, squeeze the bulb or follow the specific instructions provided with the kit to release the cleansing solution into the rectum. Avoid using excessive pressure to prevent any potential damage to the rectal lining.

Remove the nozzle and the solution

Once the solution is inside, remove the nozzle and allow yourself some time to hold the liquid inside. Then, gently evacuate the contents into the toilet or shower. You may need to repeat this process several times until the expelled fluid is clear.

Clean and store the equipment

After you’re done, if your douche isn’t disposable, thoroughly clean the nozzle and reservoir with warm water and mild soap. Ensure the douche is completely dry before storing it in a clean and hygienic place.

How often can you douche?

While there is no specific scientific consensus on how frequently you should douche, it is generally recommended by healthcare professionals to limit douching to 2–3 times per week.

Is douching different for women and men?

Since men and women have the same rectal anatomy, anal douching is generally the same for all individuals with functioning rectums. However, the methods and tools used for anal douching can vary depending on personal preference and individual needs.

It’s worth mentioning that when people commonly refer to “douching” in the context of people with vaginas, they usually refer to vaginal douching, which is a different practice altogether unrelated to anal douching.

Do I need to douche?

The decision to douche is a personal decision. While anal douching is one way to reduce the presence of fecal matter in the rectum, alternative methods are available. These include maintaining a high-fiber diet, which can involve incorporating sources of fiber such as psyllium husk and avoiding foods that may cause stomach discomfort.

If you aren’t into douching, there are other ways that you can help to manage the mess so that you can focus on pleasure instead.

  • Have wipes on hand. Having wipes readily available during anal play can assist with cleanup.
  • Use a sex blanket. Using a sex blanket can provide added protection and convenience. Placing a blanket beneath you or in the immediate vicinity can help catch any fluids or messes during anal play. This can help minimize the impact on your bedding and make cleanup more manageable.
  • Use dark sheets. Some individuals find it helpful to use dark-colored sheets and a sex towel during anal play. By using dark-colored sheets, any potential stains or marks from lubricants or other fluids are less likely to be noticeable or cause concern.

Ultimately, whether or not to douche is a personal preference based on your comfort level and preferences. The main idea is to create an environment where you can fully enjoy the experience without unnecessary concerns about cleanliness.

Complete Article HERE!

How Do I Bottom?

Bottoming 101 for queer men, we explain the practicalities of preparing for anal sex, and answer the oft-asked question: Does it hurt?

By

Before I discovered porn, I thought bottoming was impossible — a myth that guys on my Varsity football team used to tease each other about, but one I didn’t actually believe. A penis can’t really go in a butt, right? Then I found a video. I watched it slide in, move in and out — fucking — and saw that full, terrifyingly painful stroke, tip to balls, in a man’s ass for the first time. That moment sealed the truth: Bottoming was real, and I had no clue how to do it.

That brings me to my my first piece of advice for anyone looking to bottom: Do not compare your experience to porn. When my first sex attempts didn’t happen like porn, I assumed I was doing something wrong. Your first experience won’t be like porn. Your second experience won’t be, either. In fact, most of your sex life won’t resemble porn — because porn isn’t reality. Porn creates an impossible fantasy, one that porn stars themselves can’t do in real life. I’ve worked on professional porn sets and can assure you: All the messes, failures, half-starts, and struggles happen in porn, too. They just get edited out.

In part one of this guide to bottoming, I explored fundamental questions surrounding the act — “Am I a bottom?” — along with how to mentally and emotionally prepare for receptive anal sex. Now I’ll talk about what you need to do to prepare physically — the mechanics, safety tips, and ass care information you need to know.

How do I prepare to bottom?

Many people douche before bottoming, meaning they use water to clean the lower part of their rectum — the space in your butt just inside your hole — to flush out any poop before sex. An easy way to do this is to buy an enema. A disposable one purchased at a drugstore or pharmacy will do the trick (don’t forget that many are filled with laxatives, which you must empty and replace with water before using), or a larger squeeze bulb with a plastic or silicone nozzle, purchased from a sex novelty shop or online.

As your skill develops, your douching regimen will probably change. You’ll discover what kind of douche you want to use, learn different cleaning methods, or find that you don’t really need (or want) to douche at all. Many people don’t, and you don’t always need to douche to have an enjoyable experience bottoming.

What you eat plays a major role in how “clean” your butt can be. If you eat a high-fiber, veggie-heavy diet and avoid excessive red meat, your poop will be less messy and more “together,” meaning the douching process will be minimal — which is what you want. Some people with careful diets skip the douching process altogether and are naturally “ready to go” (vegetarians and vegans especially). Incorporating a fiber supplement like Metamucil into your diet can help. Most people do not consume enough fiber, which is vital to your overall gastrointestinal health (and makes anal sex easier and less messy — double win!).

When you’re new to douching, go slow. Lube up the tip of your enema with a body-safe lubricant (I recommend silicone-based lube), and slowly insert the nozzle into your hole. Gently squeeze the bulb and slowly fill your butt with water. Note: You don’t need to squirt a huge amount of water up there, at least not when you’re a beginner. More advanced forms of sex require more extensive cleaning regimens, which do require more water, but that’s not for beginners. When you’re starting off, there’s no need to empty the bulb. You don’t need much.

After you do this, your butt might feel strange and “full.” To avoid discomfort, make sure the water is warm — not hot — before you start. Hold it in for a few seconds, then gently release the water into a toilet. Repeat this until the water runs clear.

Some safety tips: Go slow! Also, don’t stick the nozzle all the way in — there’s no need to, and you can hurt yourself if you’re not gentle enough. And make sure you try to release all the water into the toilet when you’re done — water left in your butt can cause discomfort later on.

Don’t freak out if you can’t get totally clean. Anal sex always involves some likelihood that you’ll encounter poop. Yes, you can get pretty clean, but cleaning out is not a requirement for bottoming. Many people, including some medical professionals, recommend skipping douching in the first place, washing your butt with soap and water, putting a towel down, and simply cleaning up any mess after. No matter what you choose to do, you cannot completely control your body. Just enjoy it.

What happens if I’m not clean?

Then you’re not clean. Don’t panic. Don’t call yourself — or your sex — a “failure.” You will have many sexual experiences in your life where you’ll think you’re clean until your body has other plans. It’s not a failure. Your body is simply doing what it does.

You can clean and clean for hours and still not be totally “clean.” But you shouldn’t clean for hours and hours in the first place. Flushing your butt can disrupt and dry out the good bacteria in your colon that you need to process waste, so cleaning for too long isn’t healthy. You also shouldn’t douche every day for this reason. Remember: You can’t control your body.

The only thing you can control is what you eat, and eating a healthy diet that’s high in fiber and low in red meat will make your cleaning process much easier.

Does bottoming hurt?

It might on your first attempt. Bottoming is rarely a delightful experience in the beginning, because you don’t know what you’re doing. Why does it hurt? Because the anal walls have to expand to accommodate a penis, dildo, or other object, and that can be painful — especially when you’re new to the sensation. But don’t worry; once you get better at it, it feels great.

No sex is perfect when you’re a beginner. That’s why you need practice. Also, there are ways you can train your butt muscles to relax, stretch, and make the experience easier (see the last question of this guide).

Some people recommend taking a deep breath when your sexual partner first enters you. Others recommend “pushing out” while someone is fucking you. While these classic first-timer techniques to minimize pain have certainly helped many folks relax, they’re not the first ones I recommend.

I’ve trained several first-timers for bottoming (as well as for more extreme forms of anal sex play), and here’s my best suggestion: While your sexual partner gently slides a finger in, take ten deep breaths, breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. “Squeeze” their finger with your butt, hold the squeeze for a few seconds, and then relax. Repeat this a few times while you mentally “check in” with the body. In your mind, start with the top of your head and slowly relax your muscles, “scanning” down your spine, down your legs, and ending at your hole. Close your eyes and picture your butt, and picture it opening, expanding like a circle. Keep “gripping” and releasing their finger until you’re ready for them to add another finger. Work up to two fingers, then three, until you feel comfortable gripping them — in control, powerful, flexing your butt muscle.

Tell them when you’re ready to try their dick, dildo, or any other sex toy in your arsenal. Breathe slowly and lead. You’re in control. You tell your partner when to move, when to go forward, when to stop, when to move again. Just as you did with their fingers: Grip, release. Grip, release. Breathe deeply and slowly, and guide them into you.

How do I protect myself from HIV and other sexually transmitted infections?

Micro-tears in the anus happen pretty easily when you have anal sex. The walls of the rectum (the inside of your butt) are delicate. If you’re new to bottoming and haven’t trained your butt to relax, your risk of tearing and pain is higher.

Some tears are worse than others. Most are pretty painless and heal up quickly on their own. More severe ones are called “fissures,” and these you will probably feel. They may itch, sting, or burn when you try to have sex or use the bathroom. Fissures usually heal on their own, too, but it’s still a good idea to see a doctor you trust, who knows what kind of sex you’re having.

While micro-tears or fissures are rarely very painful, they become open gateways for infection. Unprotected bottoming is a high-risk activity for sexually transmitted infections like HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and more. This is why it’s important to protect yourself.

PrEP is a once-a-day pill you can take to prevent HIV infection. So far, the only drug approved for PrEP is Truvada, but more drugs are on the way. Condoms are also incredibly effective at preventing STIs like chlamydia, syphilis, and gonorrhea, and the combination of condoms and PrEP greatly reduce your risk of contracting all of these.

Other STIs, like oral and genital herpes and HPV, are so common that if you’ve had any amount of sex, you may have already been exposed to them. Most sexually active adults have some strain of HPV. That said, you should talk to your doctor about getting the three-part Gardasil vaccine for HPV, even if you’ve already been sexually active. For people who haven’t had sex yet, Gardasil vaccinates them against strains of HPV most commonly associated with certain types of cancer. Even if you’ve already been very sexually active, Gardasil is still recommended to fight future strains of cancer-associated HPV.

Get your body and your butt regularly inspected by a doctor for warts and other signs that you might have an infection. If you’re having sex, you should get a full-range STI test every three months, minimum. Many STIs are asymptomatic, meaning you won’t know you have them, so it’s important that you get tested often, especially if you’re HIV-negative.

How do I get better at bottoming?

Improving your sex skills takes time, practice, and — in my opinion — some butt training. Not every bottom trains their butt to prepare for the experience, but I did. After I learned to enjoy the sensation of my ass opening and stretching, my skills drastically improved, and sex finally became really fun.

Buy a small butt plug (no larger than an inch in diameter), preferably one made of smooth, soft silicone. Lube it up generously (with silicone toys, use water-based lube), and slowly slide it in. Concentrate on the feeling of the stretch and slowly — slowly! — get comfortable with it. If you feel pain, stop, breathe, relax, and continue when you’re ready.

Once the plug is all the way in, take a deep breath, adjust to the feeling of it being inside you, and slowly — slowly! — pull it back out. Breathe, relax, and repeat. (Pro tip: This is way more fun with a playmate you trust, who is patient and will listen to your needs.)

You will probably find — as I did — that after you stop clenching and finally relax your butt, the feeling of your hole opening feels really good. And then it feels great. After working with the same small plug for a few weeks (or as long as it takes to feel enjoyable), try a slightly bigger butt plug. If it’s too much, stick with the smaller one until you’re ready. Gradually build size and speed, and above all else, focus on enjoying the feeling. If it’s not enjoyable at any point, stop.

Here’s what you’re doing: You’re training your hole to open, and you’re training your mind to relax and enjoy it. Your body has an impulsive reaction of tightening your muscles and clenching when something feels uncomfortable. Training your mind and body to not clench — to relax, to trust the person you’re playing with, and to feel pleasure — is the most awesome part of the journey.

Complete Article HERE!

Look for Dr Dick’s take on this timely topic HERE!

15 Things You Need to Do to Be a Good Top

It’s time for all the tops out there to step their game up!

By

Here are 15 things you need to know if you want to be a good top!

1. Have some serious foreplay

We’ve all been there. We’re turned on, we’re excited, we just want to get to the game, but sometimes the tailgate is the best part. You want the experience to last. You want him to feel comfortable. Take your time before getting to the actual penetration.

2. Have the condoms

While it’s not the job of all tops to carry condoms, it’s often expected that they are the ones who will. Don’t rely on the bottom to carry the condoms. As the top, the responsibility is more on you. Also, yes, I know PrEP is a thing, and you should be on it. While a miracle drug, it doesn’t protect against other STIs besides HIV, and even if your partner is on PrEP, he may still want to use a condom.

3. Gently enter and ask how it feels

For the love of god, don’t start off by jack hammering. Go slow. Let him get used to having you inside of him. Ask how they feel. Ask if he needs more lube or if you need to pull out for a second.

4. Switch up positions and speeds

Don’t do the same thing the whole time. Speed up. Slow down. Switch positions. While (most) bottoms like to be pounded extra hard in doggystyle, that’s not the only thing we like. Oh, and it can be super sexy to make out while you’re inside of him. If you can jerk him off while you’re inside him too, even better.

5. Give him a break if he’s on top

It takes a lot of work to do cowboy, or any other riding position. Unless he’s a porn star, he’s going to get tired. Sometimes he won’t feel comfortable asking you to switch positions, which is why you should preemptively ask him if he wants to switch it up.

6. Do not false advertise

You know your junk better than anyone else. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I meet a guy, we go back, and he is freakin’ huge. Like donkey d*ck, monster huge. I’m like, where do you expect me to put that? Why did you not give me fair warning? I could have loosened up for you. This is no longer sexy that you’re well-endowed. It’s just annoying. Then there’s the other side of the coin. Don’t lie about being bigger than you are. You can’t hide it. Like, we’re going to find out and be annoyed if you gave yourself an extra three inches.

7. Pull out if you’re going to orgasm too quickly

Slow it down if you’re about to orgasm. If that’s not enough, pull out and do some other “stuff” while your body takes a break. You don’t want to ejaculate within seconds of being inside of him.

8. If you do ejaculate prematurely, let him know your refractory time, and go again

It’s not the end of the world if you orgasm quickly. Just let him know you can have some other fun for a little bit, and then go at it again. Just because you finish once, doesn’t mean that’s the end. Go again! And the second time, you’ll be able to last longer.

9. Don’t be annoying with putting on the condom

Don’t try to sneak it in there without asking. For the love of God, don’t take it off in the middle of having sex without telling him. Sex with condoms can be really annoying. Trust me, I know. But you need to respect your bottom and his wishes.

10. Say his name during sex

This is just hot. It makes him feel special and wanted. I haven’t met a single guy who doesn’t like hearing his name out loud during sex. It’s a simple yet effective turn-on technique.

11. Don’t make a big deal if you get a little “mud” on you

Butts are not chocolate soft serves. Yes, some poop can come out, but not that often or that much if you’re aware of your body. That said, it will happen at some point. It’s inevitable. Don’t make a big deal. Simply ask to change condoms. Or, if you don’t mind, afterwards, take off the condom, wrap it in a paper towel and throw it out without him seeing. Then go wash yourself off. You don’t need to tell him it happened if he didn’t realize. There’s no reason to embarrass him.

12. Read your partner and when in doubt, ask

Sometimes your partner will be vocal. It’ll be clear what he wants you to do. Other times, you’ll have to read him more. Would he like you to go slower or faster? Harder or softer? If you’re not sure, just ask!

13. Let him know when you’re about to finish and ask him where he wants you to orgasm

Some guys like it when you finish inside of them. Other guys, not so much. Some guys like you to finish on unlikely places. Be a gentleman and do what he asks. If he says he doesn’t care, still give him a heads up by telling him where you’re going to ejaculate.

14. Help him finish afterward

Just because you finished doesn’t mean the fun is over. Some bottoms don’t like to ejaculate, but many do. Don’t assume because you were the top that sex is over once you finish. Don’t be greedy. Help him finish if he wants to.

15. Don’t rush out afterward

If you want him to feel used, then yes, rush out afterwards. If not, lay in bed with him for a while. Cuddle. Have some pillow talk. Let him know that he’s more than just a piece of meat and a tight hole. Unless, of course, this was the agreement and both you knew it was a quickie. If that’s the case, then don’t overstay your welcome. Get the hell out.

Complete Article HERE!

What is Pegging?

Understanding the Sex Act You Might’ve Just Heard About

by Katherine Speller

If you’re here you are probably the right mix of open-minded and curious to want to find out what pegging is, exactly. Maybe you had a partner ask you about trying it when you mix things up, a match on a dating app with a love for anal play mentioned it in passing or maybe you watched the now-iconic pegging episode of Broad City and it caught your attention. That’s not at all surprising.

Now, we’re not here (nor are we ever here) to pass judgement on what anyone likes in bed or who they do it with, provided all parties involved are grown-up, game and thoroughly into it. So if you’re looking for pearl clutching, finger wagging or whatever, this probably isn’t going to be the strap-on festooned post for you. Sorry!

But we are here to explain pegging to the thus far uninitiated. And, really, it’s not that scary or scandalous at all.

So what is pegging?

The term “pegging” was first coined by Dan Savage all the way back in 2001 to describe when a cisgender man is penetrated by a partner who is a cis-female using a strap-on. But as attitudes around gender and gendered roles of who “naturally” gives and receives penetration have evolved, enlightened and grown up, the term is now used to describe most penetration with a strap-on (which is just a two-piece sex toy that includes a dildo for penetrating and a harness to keep it on the person doing said penetrating).

Not to make it all sound underwhelming or uninteresting, because it most certainly isn’t that! But what is referred to as “pegging” is also literally just how some people with some body parts have intercourse depending on who likes what sensations. So that’s to say that it’s not particularly kinky or (snort) deviant in the realm of sexual pleasure humans enjoy — so, while there’s no reason to feel shame for any of your desires, there’s additionally no reason to feel weird or shameful about being into it.

How does it work?

We’ll have a variety of answers to this one because bodies and tastes are so wonderfully diverse! But the short answer is: Like any other kind of penetration.

For people taking their first steps into anal play in general, I’d very much advise you pick up a toy and anal-friendly lubricant
— as that hole is not self-lubricating and not all lubes play well with sex toys— and some fun toys of varying sizes (with flared bases please!) to get started. This will help all partners get a feel for what they like, what feels good and what maybe gets to the edge of their comfort zones. You definitely start with a thorough conversation and negotiation of those comfort zones and maybe a finger before getting too deep (literally or figuratively) with additional toys.

Once you’re sure you’re comfortable and sure you’re both into it, you’ll want to invest in a strap-on with the right fit: You’ll want something that can be hands-free, comfortable (there are inclusive sizes available at a lot of your favorite sex toy retailers!) and provide the giver with the pleasure they want and that also has a dildo — or several — that aligns with what their partner being penetrated would like to experience.

There are smaller strap-ons designed for beginners that are less intense and girthy, so don’t freak out if you come across something that seems too big early on in your shopping experience. Feel free to search out “small strap ons for pegging” too and see if you can’t find something that feels like a fit. There might be some trial and error along the way and that’s totally fine!

From there, you’ll just want to make sure you’re practicing safe and responsible sexual citizenship: Use a safe-word or stoplight system if you feel it’s necessary (the red, yellow and green can be helpful for making each step a little more explicit and bypass some awkward fumbling), check in with your partner throughout the actual intercourse and aftercare, practice good sex toy hygiene which, in addition to thoroughly cleaning your toys, means using condoms if you would otherwise be using condoms.

Why does it feel good?

Again, the exact mechanics of what feels good and why will vary depending on the biological equipment each individual is packing and their own tastes. But the short answer is: All kinds of bodies have nerve endings in strategic places that will get stimulated from this kind of play.

For people with penises and prostates the pleasure from being on the receiving end of penetrative sex takes place in the prostate, primarily. Often referred to as the P-spot or the male G-spot (though, to be clear, not everyone with a prostate is a male!), the prostate is the gland that produces some of the fluids in semen, as WebMD notes, and is surrounded by nerve endings that can be an awesome source of pleasure and even cause orgasms when it’s stimulated or massaged either through penetration or via stimulating the perineum (the area between the scrotum and the anus).

So pegging is a great opportunity to achieve that pleasure via penetration (usually with a toy, once the receiver is ready for one). But these folks might also benefit from the friction and thrust if they’re in a face-down position, so it can be an experience with tons of opportunities for stimulation. Strap-ons can also be used by people with penises who either don’t want to or can’t penetrate the way they’d like to with theirs (particularly for people dealing with cases of Erectile Dysfunction) or other organic penetration issues. Some are even cool for double penetration!

Meanwhile people with vulvas on the giving end (whether penetrating another partner with a vulva or penetrating any partner anally), the pleasure is all about the clitoral stimulation you get from grinding against the toy (not unlike dry-humping). Some also have vibrating functions, of which we’re obviously fans. People with vulvas receiving this kind of penetration probably doesn’t need explaining, but rest assured: It feels good for them too!

But since the most powerful human sex organ remains the brain, the pleasure can also come from there.

Particularly if you’re someone who was socialized as a cis-man and internalized the scripts about consistently being the giver of penetration and pleasure (or socialized as a cis-woman to believe you’re meant to only be the receiver), there’s an excitement and validation that comes with flipping these scripts and embracing wholly the kind of sex that feels right to you and your body with your partner. Which can be really cool, if not totally euphoric to experience! Mix that up with all the nerve endings being stimulated and you’re set up for a pretty fun time. Mix and match with any of your other various kinks and interests and you might be unlocking a whole new layer to the pleasure you and your partner(s) can have.

Though it might seem intimidating at the outset, pegging is just another of the many ways people can experience all the sexual and sensual pleasure their bodies have to offer. So if it’s caught your interest and your partner is on board, you shouldn’t be afraid to give it a try.

Complete Article HERE!

What makes a good top and a good bottom?

240 gay men were asked something very important. Something that affects every gay man. Something that’s so integral to our way of life it can impact relationships, change friendships and perhaps bring us closer to spiritual enlightenment. We asked: what makes a good bottom and what makes a good top?

We have the answer for you:


What tops think bottoms want

What gets a bottom off? We asked the tops what they think a bottom looks for.

“Respect your partner who is bottoming,” says Mark, 31. “Go at the pace they are comfortable with. Also make sure you lube up the area and yourself well so there isn’t unnecessary friction. Ensure your penis is hard before trying to penetrate.”

Jaspar, 28, has a few suggestions to the tops out there. “Use your full length but don’t go balls deep in your first thrust. Pace yourself and don’t be afraid to get off if you need to, and warm yourself up/calm yourself down. Your bottom might be annoyed by the break, but they’ll thank you in the long run. And good tops eat ass. Get over it.”

“It’s not a marathon or a race; it’s sex. So, go at a pace you find comfortable and that gives your partner pleasure,” advises Rhys, 22. “If your partner is responding well to what you are doing, keep doing it. Don’t be afraid however to change things up with speeds, motions and positions. If you feel like you’re going to cum and it’s too soon, it’s okay to slow down or even stop. You can take a break to pleasure your partner in other ways. And for the love of God don’t copy porn. Your dick is not a drill and shouldn’t be used like one (unless your partner asks for that).”

A final piece of advice from 25-year-old Ben: “Plenty of lube will help you just as much as it will the bottom.”

What bottoms actually want

So, what do bottoms actually require in a top?

“Listen to your bottom,” says Joe, 31. “If he’s telling you to do it harder, then do it. If he says “don’t stop”, then don’t you dare fucking stop. And it you’re biting the shit out of the back of his neck and he tells you to knock it off then you better fucking quit or he might bite your dick off.”

“Create an environment of intense relaxation,” says Jack, 22, “but also be clear about what you want – encouragement is better than a feeling that there’s no impetus to get to where you’re trying to be.”

Adam, 27, wants a bit of care and attention before he gets down to it. “Use lube, too many tops lately don’t think it’s needed. Or foreplay, they just want to stick it in. You better rim or finger me first. Go slow, use kissing, smiling, sounds, body contact as cues to reassure the bottom.”

And 36-year-old Alex agrees that lube is key: “There’s no such thing as too much lube, but god you know it if there not enough.”

What bottoms think tops want

What do bottoms think is expected of them? They all seem to arrive at a similar conclusion.

“Be clean as best you can. Don’t overdo it, it’s not good for your body. Also, accidents happen. It is the ass. It kinda has a purpose to it. Don’t worry about it. You will laugh later,” says Luke, 27.

“Douche like your life depends on it, and then douche some more. Most importantly, relax. It’s meant to be pleasurable, not a chore,” believes Gavin, 44.

“Always douche,” agrees Paul, 27.

James, 39, has similar advice, “Douche. Douche. Douche.”

While John, 32, was a little more emphatic: “Douche!”

What tops actually want

We also asked the tops from our survey what they seek when someone is bottoming.

“Don’t dive on my D too quick. It’s not a race,” says John, 28. “The number of times I’ve seen an over eager bottom get on too quick only to regret it immediately… and it’s really not a big deal if we make a mess. I take full responsibility for putting a foreign object in your butt hole.”

Mark, 31, wants you to breathe. “Try and relax, take it slow and remember to breathe. The more relaxed you are the easier it is to actually have sex. Also, don’t be afraid to take control, sometimes knowing what is going to happen when helps you to relax your mind.”

“Variety makes things more fun for both of you, in terms of both speed and position,” says Will, 22. “If you can try and be prepared both mentally and physically it’s much more enjoyable for both of you. Don’t be afraid to say that you’re not in the mood to bottom, but make this clear early on.

And 43-year-old Lee mention that old favourite: “Douche.”


Top and bottom stats:

We asked tops: Do you think there’s more pressure on the top or the bottom when it comes to ‘performance’?

  • 71% said there’s more pressure on the top
  • 16% said there is pressure on both
  • 5% said the bottom

We asked you all: What’s your preferred sexual position?

  • 10% said top
  • 20% said top but can be versatile
  • 18% said bottom
  • 29% said bottom but can be versatile
  • 21% said completely versatile
  • 2% don’t have anal sex

We asked bottoms: Do you think there’s more pressure on the top or the bottom when it comes to ‘performance’?

  • 40% said there’s more pressure on the top
  • 16% said there is pressure on both
  • 35% said the bottom
  • 9% said neither

First time advice

We asked for your tips and advice for someone looking to try anal for the first time, whether it’s as a top or a bottom.

“Be open with your partner and talk about what each of you likes. Don’t just barge in. Take your time,” advises Mike, 37.

“If you’re the top, don’t be too eager or over-excited. You can end up rushing in and causing pain. Communication is key, check in with your partner throughout but especially on initial penetration. Make sure they are comfortable before increasing speed or force,” says Jake, 35. “If you’re the bottom: Breathe. Relax. Take deep breaths when he first enters you. If it hurts on initial penetration, get him to take it out again and wait for 20 seconds while you breathe and then try again. Your sphincter will get over the initial shock and relax more. Don’t be afraid to tell him to stop, or slow down.”

Tom, 31, thinks relaxation is key. “Don’t stress out too much. Find a person and a place that you’re comfortable with and get exploring. Don’t expect too much from your first time.”

Anal isn’t for everybody

Of course, fucking isn’t the be all and end all. Some people just don’t like it or are scared to try.

“I find it very uncomfortable I just don’t enjoy it at all. And I’ve tried too!” says Jules, 44.

“It’s just a bloody pain in the arse. All that douching and then making sure you don’t eat so that there’s no mess,” thinks Suraj, 24.

“I haven’t had much experience and so it has become daunting to try,” explains Paul, 32.

Maybe you love anal sex, maybe you hate it, but whatever you do, communicate with your partner, make sure that it’s right for you and you choose the safer sex strategy that’s right for you – whether that’s condoms, PrEP, regular sexual health tests or if you’re HIV-positive and on treatment. Most importantly, it should be fun.


The douching mini-guide:

  • Use plain, clean water, preferably at body temperature.
  • Do not use antiseptics, disinfectants or anything else in a douche, as they can all irritate the lining of the arse.
  • A small bulb douche is recommended.
  • If you are using a shower hose remember there’s variable water pressure and heat coming out of the shower and that you will not always be able to control the amount of water.
  • Make sure you expel all the water out of you before sex.
  • Douching can irritate the lining of the arse and may make it easier to be damaged during sex. This can increase the likelihood of HIV and STIs.

Complete Article HERE!

The Best Lubes for Anal Sex

According to Sexperts

Because when it comes to any kind of butt play, lube is non-negotiable.

By Gabrielle Kotkov

Rich in sensitive nerve endings, the butt can give you some seriously mind-blowing orgasms. (Yes, anal orgasms are a thing). What the butt can not do, however, is self-lubricate (like the vagina). And that means, unless you add lubricant, any anal play is going to be…dry.

“The sensation of skin-on-skin creates a lot of friction that can be really irritating and painful,” says certified sex educator Alicia Sinclair, CEO of b-Vibe, an anal play product company. “Lube is what makes the entire anal experience pleasurable,” she says.

Wondering, “What about saliva”? Let’s be very clear: Saliva is not lube! “It dries up reallllly quickly,” says Sinclair. And it contains bacteria that could disrupt the pH of your vagina and/or rectum. Yikes.

Beyond making anal play pleasurable, lube is also what makes it safer! The tissue lining the anal canal is super thin and delicate, which makes it susceptible to microtears if it’s not well-lubricated, explains Evan Goldstein, D.O., CEO and founder of Bespoke Surgical, a sexual-wellness company specializing in anal-related health. And not only can those tiny tears be painful (duh), they also increase the risk of STI transmission if your partner has one, he says.

Convinced you need to buy lube for anal sex or other anal play activities? Scroll down for 13 of the best anal lubes, according to sex educators. (And while you’re adding things to your shopping cart, go ahead and throw one of these anal sex toys in, as well).

pJur Back Door

Anal play enthusiasts to the front! If you’re getting down with a penis, fingers, or fist, this silicone-based lube belongs on your Anal Sex Alter (right next to the nJoy Pure Plug that is). “It’s super thick, without being greasy or sticky,” says Sofiya Alexandra, co-host of Private Parts Unknown, a podcast exploring love and sexuality around the world. It also contains jojoba, which has ~anti-inflammatory properties~ that are good for the bumhole skin, she says.

pJur AQUA

If silicone toys (think: butt plugs and anal beads) are part of your anal play, Gigi Engle, certified sex coach, Womanizer sexpert and the author of All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life, recommends investing in this water-based option from pJur instead. “Silicone can degrade silicone toys, so if you’re using silicone toys, you need to stick with a high-quality water-based lube, like pjur AQUA,” says Engle. (See more: What Are Anal Beads And How Do You Use Them?)

It has a moderately thick consistency without being tacky—a very good thing because “you don’t want your lube to wind up like hair gel when you’re trying to have yourself a good ‘ole time,” she says.

Nutiva Coconut Oil

Important reminder: Oil-based lubes degrade the integrity of latex condoms, which makes them less effective at protecting against STI transmission (and in the case of vaginal intercourse, pregnancy). But for folks who aren’t using latex condoms, coconut oil is an anal sex all-star. (See More: Is It OK to Use Coconut Oil During Vaginal Sex?)

“It’s way longer lasting than water-based lubes, which means fewer reapplication interruptions,” says Sinclair. “And it’s compatible with all silicone butt plugs, anal beads, or prostate massagers,” she explains.

The Butters

Rich, creamy, and long-lasting, it doesn’t get more luxurious than The Butters Lube. “It’s the consistency of a thick lotion and far less messy than many other lubes,” says Jamie LeClaire, a sexologist who specializes in sexuality, gender, and identity.

When you get the product you’ll notice that in the jar it looks a bit like hair gel, but fear not. “When you take a dollop of the creamy goodness and rub it between your fingers, it turns into a luxurious oil lather that really easily distributes wherever you want it,” they say.

While it’s not compatible with latex condoms, LeClaire says “I love it so much that I think it’s worth investing in non-latex condoms so that I can use this particular lube for anal play.” Quite the endorsement! (If you’re looking for a non-latex condom that protects against STIs and pregnancy, check out polyurethane condoms like the Trojans Bare-Skin Non-Latex condoms).

UberLube

Dr.Goldstein recommends Uberlube for anyone having anal sex with a penis, fingers, or non-silicone toy. “The silicone in UberLube is well-sourced and the company puts a lot of thought into their product.” Need proof? Just look at the bottle! Pretty damn classy for a lube, wouldn’t you say?

Because Uberlube comes in travel sizes, it’s a great option to bring on the road. And, he adds, “unlike some silicone-based lubes which are a pain to get off sheets, Uberlube doesn’t stain and is super easy to wipe off when playtime is done.” (Speaking of travel: These are the best vibrators to take with you wherever you go.)

Good Clean Love Almost Naked

Only stock your cabinets and “fun” drawer with organic and all-natural products? Good Clean Love Almost Naked will fit right in. “This all-natural water-based lube isn’t made specifically for anal, but it’s definitely up for the challenge of a backdoor adventure,” says Courtney Kocak, the other co-host of Private Parts Unknown. “It’s silky without being greasy, and easy-peasy to clean-up.”

Sociologist and clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon, Ph.D., with The Sex Toy Collective also stans this lube, adding that the aloe can help moisturize your anus, helping to protect it against microtears.

Boy Butter

Don’t let the name turn you off—you can enjoy and use Boy Butter no matter your identifying gender. “It’s one of my favorites on the market right now because it’s extra thick and creamy and stays in place during anal,” says sexpert Daniel Saynt, founder and chief conspirator of The New Society for Wellness (NSFW) a private members club for the sexually adventurous. It’s made of a blend of silicone and coconut oil, so you get the best of both worlds—just note that, since it’s oil-based, it’s not safe for use with latex condoms.

Saynt especially recommends this anal lube for use in showers. “Because of its staying power, it doesn’t immediately come off under the stream of water, so the receiver can fully enjoy the experience,” he says. Just be careful because when it does wash off, the floor can get a little slippery. (Related: How to Have Shower Sex That’s Actually Amazing)

Sliquid Organics Gel

Unlike some water-based lubes which are runny, Sliquid Organics’ water-based gel is thick AF. Since it’s gel-like, “it won’t dry up as quickly as other lubricants,” says Rebecca Alvarez Story, M.A., sexologist and founder of intimate care marketplace Bloomi. Of course, if you plan on going at it for a long time, re-apply the moment it starts to feel a little more “ouch” than “ooh.”

b-Vibe Lube Applicator 

This isn’t lube, but it is a nifty way to apply lube to the (ahem) desired area. “When you apply lube to whatever is going to go inside the anal canal (a penis, dildo, butt plug), as it enters the canal, the anal sphincter can cause a squeegee effect,” explains Sinclair. Meaning, rather than the lube actually getting into the ~hole in question~, most of it ends up on the outside of the bum. 

“Lube applicators allow you to easily lube up the interior anal canal,” she says. Just insert your lube-of-choice into the applicator, use your finger to apply some lube to the applicator, and whammo-bammo, you’re set!

Complete Article HERE!

6 Positions That Make Anal Sex Easier & Less Intimidating

by

Let’s be real. Even for those of us who have a generally open-minded, been-there-done-that attitude about sex, the thought of anal sex can still seem a little scary if you’ve gone there. For one reason or another, anal is usually the final frontier sexually — and there can be a whole lot of buildup.

But our greatest fears often lie in anticipation, and once you give anal a go, you might just find that you’ve been missing out on something that can actually be really hot and satisfying. We checked in with some experts and asked them to take the mystery out of anal sex, and they schooled us on some positions that can help ease you into your first time to actually make it an enjoyable experience.

Arm yourself with these tips and a lot of lube, and you’re on your way to one kick-ass time.

Cowgirl (or cowboy)

In the traditional cowgirl position, your partner lies down while you mount on top — yeehaw! As the partner on top, you can ease into anal penetration by moving up or down as needed. Pro tip: Make sure your bottom partner does not begin to thrust until you’re good and ready.

Certified Master Sex Expert and Educator, Sex Coach and “So Tight” Sensual Fitness Personal Trainer Nikki Ransom endorses the cowgirl position for anal newbies. She explains, “This position will allow you to control the pace and depth that his penis goes inside of you. Remember to go at an easy pace and stay relaxed. It helps to have had an orgasm already and be highly aroused.”

Jessica O’Reilly (a.k.a. Dr. Jess, Ph.D.), author, international speaker and PlayboyTV’s sexologist, offers an alternative to the cowgirl in her book The New Sex Bible, “If she doesn’t like the sensation of deep penetration, but he desires more stimulation against the base of his shaft, she can reach backwards with a warm, wet hand to grasp the lower half of his shaft. Her hand becomes an extension of her butt while providing a physical buffer to ensure only shallow penetration.”

Doggy style

This position is most often associated with anal because it has major advantages. As the partner on the bottom, you can stay loose as you control penetration to increase pleasure. Getting busy on all fours may be your best bet if you have attempted and found anal painful in the past.

Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels, co-authors of Designer Relationships, Partners in Passion, Great Sex Made Simple, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality, recommend doggy style for first-timers and those who may have had an unpleasant experience before. The couple says, “Anal sex should never be painful. Always use plenty of lube and proceed slowly and gently.” Ransom adds, “Rub and stimulate your clitoris too to make it even more pleasurable.”

In The New Sex Bible, Dr. Jess has a different take on doggy-style anal sex. She recommends the modified doggy to give the receptive partner more control, support intimacy and provide the opportunity for double penetration. Dr. Jess explains, “She assumes a kneeling position with her butt cheeks on her heels and her knees spread wide open. She places her hands on her knees or the bed for support. He assumes the same position behind her and adjusts his height so that the head of his [penis] rests below her bum. He remains static as she lowers herself onto his head and takes a few deep breaths before sliding farther down his shaft. She drives her butt and hips up and down at her own pace as he reaches around to fondle her breasts or rub her clitoris.”

Face to face

This position is preferred if you are looking for extra intimacy during the act. Start with your partner sitting as you mount his lap, face-to-face. Once again — as the partner on top, you can control depth of penetration to stay comfy. Face-to-face anal has the added bonus of extra stimulation for a woman: breasts, clitoris, go crazy!

Johnson and Michaels love face-to-face anal for the toe-tingling intimacy it provides. They confirm, “This position facilitates using eye contact and breath to build even more arousal.”

Dr. Jess agrees. She says, “I like this position as it allows the ‘mounter’ to exercise a good amount of control of the depth and rhythm of penetration. Wear a vibrating c*** ring for this one to provide extra pleasurable sensations as the top partner grinds against his shaft.”

Good old missionary with a twist

When it comes to anal, missionary will never steer you wrong. Approach this favorite vanilla sex position with a backdoor twist: In the missionary position, place your legs on his shoulders. With the right amount of lube and relaxation, even initial penetration should be pleasurable.

Missionary is easy-peasy for most maiden voyages, but Johnson and Michaels caution that this anal move may not work for everyone, “Some people may not be sufficiently flexible for this position.” For those who are flexible and looking to try new things, Dr. Jess explains her take on missionary, “Better yet, place the soles of your feet against his shoulders so that you can push back and release according to your preferences.”

On the stomach

Anal on the stomach is comfortable and easy, with the right prep work beforehand. First-timers can relax and make penetration enjoyable by lying on top of a pillow placed under the stomach. For women, this elevates the backside nicely and still gives enough room to stimulate other body parts.

 

Johnson and Michaels recommend incorporating sex toys into the act to keep things interesting, “This is a great position for stimulating your own clitoris or using a vibrator.”

Because of the opportunity for sex toy play, Dr. Jess adds that on-the-stomach anal can be especially favorable to the ladies. She says, “This is one of the best anal sex positions for women (as the receptive partner), as she can reach down to stimulate her pubic mound and clitoral shaft with her hand or a flat vibrator (try the We-Vibe Touch). The dual stimulation helps to increase arousal, which heightens relaxation to create a cascade of orgasmic sensations.”

Spooning, with a twist

We are all familiar with spooning for some great side-by-side action. Spooning is also a top choice for anal since both partners are more likely to be relaxed. As the “little spoon,” you can make penetration easier by curling up and pulling your upper legs slightly toward your upper body. And while you’re at it, here’s a naughty little secret to double your pleasure — use a vibrator to get to the finish line.

According to Dr. Jess, spooning is the perfect first-time anal position for lovers. Johnson and Michaels add a helpful tip from their own bedroom experience, “You can give your partner a better view of the action by holding your upper leg just below the knee and opening up.”

Ransom also believes that spooning is ideal for a pleasurable beginner anal experience. “This is a great position to stay relaxed in. It also allows for clitoral stimulation and vaginal stimulation for a trigasm.” She advises, “Stay relaxed — your partner should enter you an inch at a time. Then, allow your anus to become accustomed and relax around his penis. Then [he can] enter you another inch and another, and continue until he is all the way in. Be sure to have plenty of lubrication with any anal penetration.”

Complete Article HERE!

Prostate Play

How To Massage One To Orgasm

By Erika W. Smith

People born with a penis are also born with a prostate — a walnut-shaped gland wrapped around the urethral canal. It’s often compared to the G-spot, because the prostate’s location is in a similar location inside the body and both can feel amazing when stimulated. People of all sexual orientations love prostate play, which makes sense, because it can lead to intense pleasure and orgasms.

Massaging the prostate to orgasm is sometimes called “prostate milking.” People with prostates can do this alone or with a partner, using either fingers or a sex toy. Prostate milking “provides a full-body orgasm, versus a penile orgasm, which is strictly genital-based,” We-Vibe’s sex expert, Dr. Chris Donaghue, tells Refinery29.

There are many reasons why someone might try prostate milking. “Exploring prostate stimulation has psychological, biological, and sexual health benefits,” Dr. Donaghue says. “When the anal area is shunned, it becomes constricted and tense, and avoidance of this area leads to shutting down other connected areas in the pelvis, which creates sexual issues with erections and ejaculation.”

That’s right: prostate milking can lead to stronger erections and orgasms. There are also many other sexual health benefits. “Prostate milking helps flush out the prostate, increases blood flow to the pelvic area, and strengthens pelvic floor muscles,” Dr. Donaghue says.

But most people who love prostate milking do so simply because of how it feels. “The biggest reason for exploring the prostate is to unlock higher arousal and levels of pleasure,” Dr. Donaghue says. “The prostate is a man’s most direct access point to explosive orgasms — orgasms that are longer, hotter, and can lead to the ability to have multiple orgasms.”

Megwyn White, Somatic Sensuality Guide and Director of Education at Satisfyer, adds that prostate milking has additional health benefits. Along with enhancing sexual pleasure and orgasms, it can “release blockages and improve flow of urine” and “be an effective treatment for prostatitis,” a condition in which the prostate gland is inflamed, causing difficult or painful urination, groin pain, and sometimes flu-like symptoms. Prostate milking “helps free the prostate of what’s called ‘expressed prostatic secretion,’” she explains. “This action leads to a prostatic secretion getting released from the prostate, and also has the potential to stimulate profoundly intense orgasms, and ultimately act as an overall reset to the sexual arousal cycle.”

If prostate milking sounds intriguing and you’d like to try it, start slowly and use lube. White says it’s important to relax before beginning: “Think about the practice of prostate milking as an incredible way to take you into a deeply surrendered state so remember to try not to over control your experience.”

You can try different positions to see what works best, such as squatting or lying on the back with knees bent. Dr. Donaghue says, “I always recommend getting used to having the anal area touched first by massaging externally in the shower or during masturbation, and then later practicing putting your finger internally. The prostate best responds to gentle pressure.” If there’s any pain or discomfort, stop and check in with your healthcare practitioner, because this could be a sign of an underlying health issue.

Both Dr. Donaghue and White mentioned it may be easier to use a sex toy than a finger, especially if you’re going solo. Dr. Donaghue recommends the Vector by We-Vibe, while White suggests the Satisfyer Beads. And while prostate milking can make masturbation feel even better, it can also be a lot of fun to try with a partner — who might combine prostate stimulation with oral sex or a hand job. The possibilities are endless.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

A Guide to Pegging Your Partner With a Strap On

Here’s why pegging has a special name, how to do it safely, and all the best toy recommendations to try it out.

By

Can pegging make your partner a better lover? Some people, including experts in the sex and relationships field, certainly think so.

“When I have sex with cisgender men, the ones who receive anal penetration are much better lovers than those who haven’t,” says kink-friendly sex therapist Liz Powell. Well, if that’s not enough motivation to explore this misunderstood and even controversial activity, I don’t know what is.

Of course, the decision to try pegging with a strap on is completely up to the individuals involved, and many folks are wonderful sexual partners regardless of whether they’re interested in this form of sexual exploration. But what is pegging, why is it so hot for some of us, and what supplies and knowledge are needed to try it safely? Allure spoke with Powell and a professional dominatrix to learn all you need to know.

First of all, what is pegging?

Traditionally, pegging refers to a cisgender, heterosexual male receiving anal penetration from his cishet female partner with a strap-on dildo — and, actually, it’s a word surrounded by a bit of controversy.

As our understanding of gender and orientation expands, some folks ask, why not just call this anal sex, strap-on sex, or just sex? Why do cishet guys need their own word for anal penetration when the rest of us have been enjoying it as is? Powell understands this line of thinking, but they also say that giving an activity its own word, be it fisting, squirting, or pegging, can help us talk and think about what we’re doing.

“Having a term for pegging can, in some ways, be helpful,” Powell explains. “A lot of cis straight men are interested in pegging because when they find out that there’s a term and that it’s common they feel a lot more OK about wanting that.” Talking about pegging specifically can help normalize it and debunk outdated thinking about cishet men and prostate pleasure.

“Could we just call it sex? Sure, but there are lots of things we could just call sex,” says Powell. “Having more terms doesn’t necessarily make it worse; I think that pegging is more stigmatized because it is about a cis straight dude. A lot of people are still really uncomfortable with men receiving penetration.”

Why are so many people turned on by pegging?

Everyone’s butthole is lined with erogenous nerve endings, which is why people of all orientations, genders, and bodies can enjoy anal sex. And having a prostate is a fun bonus.

“A lot of prostate owners don’t get to stimulate their prostate, and that’s a whole other orgasm available to you. You’re opening yourself up to other avenues of pleasure,” says New York City dominatrix Domina Katarina. The prostate, or P-spot, is roughly three to four inches inside the rectum, about an inch in diameter. The person with a prostate can usually let you know when you’ve found it as they’ll start to feel sensations reminiscent of an orgasm.

Outside of the physical pleasure of prostate and anal stimulation, both partners, commonly referred to as the bottom (receptive partner) and the top (penetrating partner), may enjoy the “taboo” of a role reversal, if receiving penetration is new for the partner with a prostate or penetrating someone is new for the top. “The power dynamics are amazing,” Domina Katarina says. “Especially as a woman who is typically seen as submissive, it really does put you in a different position. You get a rush, like, yeah, I have this control.”

While some simply want to be penetrated for the prostate stimulation, for other straight couples, they may get off on the role reversal. Submissive cishet men may enjoy the erotic power exchange that occurs when their partners become the ones with the dicks. “I get why dick owners walk around like they’re the shit,” Domina Katarina says of the place of power she entered through her experience pegging.

Pegging can also (but doesn’t have to) be a part of BDSM dynamics. All BDSM involves consensual power exchange, and for some cishet men — who, in our patriarchal society, still tend to harbor the most power — submitting to a woman or other person of a marginalized gender gets them off.

Pegging also requires immense trust; being penetrated anally with a strap-on dildo by a pro-domme or dominant partner allows cishet men to not only receive anal pleasure but become vulnerable and submissive, which is a common sexual desire.

What products and techniques should I use?

Safe pegging requires taking the same time and care you’d use during any anal penetration. Before you work your way up to a dildo and harness, begin by inserting a finger, and then two, with plenty of lube. Because pegging usually means using a strap-on dildo (which is commonly made with silicone), you want a water-based lube. Silicone lubes can cause silicone toys to deteriorate. Sliquid H20 is an excellent choice, because it’s safe to use with silicone toys and is flavorless and scentless.

After you’ve warmed up with fingers, feel free to add a butt plug to help prepare the area. The Snug Plug from B-Vibe, a weighted, smooth butt plug available in a variety of sizes and shapes, is excellent for anal sex warm up. It has a nice flared base that keeps it in place. For pegging, you can have the partner with a prostate wear a butt plug for a bit while you fool around or tease them.

When you’re ready to peg, you will need a strap-on dildo and harness. If you can, buy your first harness in real life rather than online so you can try it on. Some harnesses are strappy leather and sexy as hell, such as the Minx Harness from Aslan Leather. Others are more practical, such as the TomBoii Boxer Briefs, which are ultra comfy and can hold a dildo in place like no one’s business. Go with whatever works for you and your partner’s desires.

So, what about the actual dildo? “For pegging, the really good dildos are the ones that are narrow in diameter that are fairly long,” Powell tells Allure. It can be helpful to go shopping with your partner so you know what you both want. Some people prefer realistic dildos and others want something bright and colorful. No matter what, start small.

If you’re interested in a vibrating anal dildo, try the Riley Vibrating Dildo. If you’re curious about a curved dildo made like anal beads, try the Your Highness Vibrating Dildo. And if you were wondering, yes, there is a Broad City Strap-On Set.

Other than making sure all partners are aware of how to physically prepare, remember that there is a major emotional component to the sex act, especially if it’s someone’s first time. Make sure to communicate beforehand about both of your desires, expectations, and fears. “When it comes to pegging, even though that dildo is not part of your anatomy, you are still inserting a part of yourself in someone else, and that’s extremely intimate. There’s a great responsibility, because you are entering them,” Domina Katarina says.

Start slow and use plenty of lube, checking in with your partner throughout the experience. “Don’t think you’re going to be like thrusting and whipping a lasso around your head,” she says. “It has to go nice and slow and easy or else you could do physical damage, and you could do emotional damage. It’s a really awesome way to connect differently with your partner.”

As Powell touched upon earlier, for people with prostates, experiencing penetration can be a much better way to understand a partner with a vagina and vice versa. “Especially for cishet guys, receiving anal penetration is a really important thing to do, because it helps you receive what your partner is receiving. Receiving penetration and penetrating are completely different experiences, in terms of vulnerability and in terms of physical risk,” they say. “If you’ve received penetration, you tend to approach receiving penetration very differently.” And apparently become better in bed.

Complete Article HERE!

Here’s Everything You Need to Know About Anal Beads

First things first—don’t be afraid!

By Gigi Engle

You’ll find no shortage of explanatory pieces on the Internet when it comes to butt stuff. There are so many ways to explore the butt. Some people use fingers, while others prefer dildos or butt plugs. And, of course, people enjoy a mix of things. Yet in all of this ongoing hoopla, we’ve forgotten a key player: anal beads.

Anal beads are the unsung hero of butt play. They are freakin’ amazing, and yet when asked about butt play from readers, I never get questions about anal beads.

Butt plugs and anal beads are two different toys, although they both go in the anus. “Anal beads provide stimulation through movement, while a butt plug offers internal ‘fullness’ or pressure,” explains Alicia Sinclair, a certified sex educator and CEO of the butt-centric company b-Vibe. “Unlike a butt plug, which is often used in preparation for penetrative anal sex, and is only meant to go in and stay [in place], anal beads were designed to stimulate inside the body and specifically to move in an out of the bum.”

There is no reason to feel embarrassed about wanting to explore butt stuff. Will there be some poop? Possibly, but if you clean up thoroughly, you’ll be just fine. You might come in contact with some fecal matter, but this simply goes with the territory. The sooner we move on from that, the sooner we can delight in the butt fully. I love butt play of any kind because it is an equalizing sex act that everyone can enjoy, regardless of gender. Everyone, after all, has an anus.

“Playing with products like anal beads allows you to really create equality in the bedroom and experience pleasure for the sake of pleasure, rather than tying it to identity in any way,” Sinclair adds.

The anus is a huge area of pleasurable possibility. You don’t need to put anything all the way inside of the butt to enjoy it. The anal opening is clustered with nerves, making any play with toys very enjoyable.

“As the beads are removed, they arouse the sensitive nerve endings of the sphincter muscle,” Sinclair says. “This stimulation creates a series of pleasurable sensations, like having a muscle massaged. The beads can be removed at varying speeds, depending on the desired effect, and can amplify the intensity of orgasm or even initiate for some. A great element is that using anal beads can be a hands-free path to stimulation, which means you can use your hands for other important erotic matters.”

Sign me up, please. Here is what you need to know about anal beads and all their multidimensional wonders.

Anal beads can be for newbies.

If you’re unsure if you’re ready for le beads de anal, Sinclair assures me that anal beads are totally fine for butt play beginners. While your forays ought to begin with a well-lubed finger or two, she assures SELF that there are “anal beads available in sizes for folks at all entry levels.”

Where to begin as a newbie when you’re looking for that perfect fit? Sinclair says that if you’re a beginner, it’s best to choose beads with “graduated sizes.” Meaning, ones that start small on the string and grow in size as you move up. “This allows the user to start with the smallest beads and then works towards the larger beads as they become comfortable with the sensation,” she says.

You should start with anal beads that come with three to four beads. You don’t need some long, snaking set of 15 balls when you’re starting out—that could be a little intimidating. “Make sure there is a good-sized flared base or circular handle at the end of the beads, otherwise there the beads may get lost inside the body,” Sinclair adds. Yikes. No one needs a trip to the ER, amiright? The rectum is not a closed area like the vagina; once something goes up the butt and disappears, it probably won’t be coming back on its own.

Stick to medical grade or body-safe silicone.

Materials for anal beads, like all sex toys, vary widely depending on where you buy them. Simply put: Do not buy cheap, crappy sex toys. If you buy beads made of jelly or non-ABS plastic (the only non-porous grade of plastic) then you risk leaving bacteria behind. These materials can never be fully disinfected. Yes, this is exactly what it sounds like: Your anal beads will have lingering poop on them.

“Silicone is my go-to material of choice,” Sinclair tells SELF. “It’s body-safe, non-porous, and all you need is mild soap and warm water to clean.”

Vibrating anal beads can be a super-fun way to ease yourself into playing with this new toy. “It promotes relaxation and can amplify the pleasurable sensations,” she says. “At b-Vibe, we specialize in vibrating anal beads and playing with different points and patterns of vibration.” (If vibration isn’t your thing, there are plenty of body-safe silicone anal beads that don’t vibrate. It’s all about preference.)

If you’re truly not sure what sensation you want to feel, start with a basic set of three to four non-vibrating beads and see how you feel about them. If you’d like to experiment with bigger beads, vibration, or a larger number of beads, go from there. There are so many different kinds to choose from.

Grab some lube.

You can use anal beads alone or with a partner. It can be easier to give toys a try alone for the first time to avoid awkwardness or nerves, but this is completely up to you.

Be sure you have a ton of lube on hand. Avoid silicone-based lubes with silicone toys; in other words, stick to water-based lube. I recommend Sustain Natural for all play, including anal. If you are more of an oil-based lover, I’m obsessed with CocoLube. Oil-based lubes are great for anal play because they are super slippery and don’t need to be applied as often as water-based options.

If you are sharing butt toys, be sure you are thoroughly cleansing them before using them with a different partner. Otherwise, you risk transferring bacteria or STIs.

Relax and breathe before insertion. You can lie either on your back or side, whichever is most comfortable for you. I suggest starting on your side if this is your first time. You don’t want your butt hole to be tensed up. Put the beads in one at a time, checking in with yourself and your partner along the way.

“Once they are inside, you’ll feel ‘fullness’ and receive pleasure as they move inside you,” Sinclair says. “You can stop wherever—there’s no pressure at all to go the full length of the beads. You can then leave them in during partner play or pull them out at varying speeds, depending on the desired effect.”

Sinclair suggests leaving the beads in during intercourse, slowly removing them one by one when you’re nearing climax for “toe-curling orgasms.”

Clean your anal beads immediately.

After you’re finished getting busy, wash your anal beads right away. You don’t want to leave lingering bacteria on your toys. Use a mild antibacterial soap and leave them on a towel to air dry. Be sure to pay special attention to any nooks and crannies. Be thorough.

If you’re really into sanitizing, I absolutely love the UVee Box. It uses UV light to remove 99.9 percent of surface bacteria on your toys. I use it for everything in my house from my cell phone to my jewelry. It’s a worthy investment.

Do away with shame! Go boldly into butt play and have the most fun!

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