Here’s How Sex and Intimacy Help You Live Longer

— Says Molly Maloof, M.D.

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For many, sex is fun and pleasurable—but it’s also pretty important to human existence. Sex plays a significant role in individual well-being, and perhaps even longevity.

Unfortunately, some public health organizations and entities continue to advertise not-so-positive outcomes after having sex, such as sexually transmitted infections, unintended pregnancy, sexual dysfunction, and more. This outdated narrative and outlook on sex (note: sex therapy hasn’t been reinvented since the 1960s, per the American Psychological Association) can be damaging as it overlooks the fact that sexual pleasure is a distinct element of well-being.

Sexual pleasure can play a key role in nurturing healthy relationships and, ultimately, extending your lifespan. In fact, having a good sex life has been shown to improve physical and mental well-being, both of which help you have a vibrant life overall.

Here are just five ways maintaining, or improving, your sex life can have profound effects on your overall health.

5 Benefits of Sex and Intimacy

Although sex and intimacy are often used interchangeably, they’re actually two different things.

Here’s the deal: Intimacy involves openness and acceptance between partners (this can be emotional, such as communicating about what you don’t like, or physical, like post-sex cuddling). On the other hand, sex is solely the physical activity—and of course, it’s possible to have sex without intimacy and vice versa.

1. It Maintains Quality of Life

Research shows that sexual health can improve your quality of life (no big surprise there!) — even if you’re older in age. As a result, it can increase your lifespan, too.

In fact, 62.2 percent of men and 42.8 percent of women reported that sexual health was highly important to quality of life in a 2016 study of 3,515 adults in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. And, people in excellent health had higher satisfaction with their sex lives than those who had fair or poor health. Based on these results, the study authors note that sexual health screenings should be a routine part of physician visits—so if your doc doesn’t bring it up, make sure you do.

Meanwhile, those ages 65 and older who said their sexual relationship was “sufficient” reported better quality of life and lower incidence of sexual dysfunction than those who described their relationship as “moderate” or “poor,” according to a 2023 study. This was also true for those who considered themselves attractive and had sex frequently with their partner or spouse.

What do these studies suggest? When your sex life is better, your overall outlook on life may improve too.

2. It Contributes to Satisfying Relationships & Mental Health

Sexual activity may also contribute to longevity by making your relationships more stable and satisfying—and by boosting your mental health.

Sexual satisfaction is a main factor in predicting relationship satisfaction in both men and women, according to a small-scale study, found in a 2023 issue of the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. For women, interpersonal closeness was also important (measured by statements like “I always consider my partner when making important decisions” or “I miss my partner when we are apart”).

In addition, one 2019 study revealed that frequent, longer lasting bouts of sex was associated with higher sexual satisfaction, which in turn, lead to stronger relationships. This was true for all relationship types, including same-sex, mixed-sex, and gender-diverse relationships.

Beyond its physical implications, sexual activity and intimacy can also contribute to mental health, something that’s increasingly understood to influence longevity.

Researchers examined the impact of sexual activity (or lack thereof) in a study published in a 2021 issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine. They found that people who didn’t have sex during the COVID-19-related lockdown had a 27 percent higher risk of developing anxiety and a 34 percent higher chance of depression compared to those who did.

3. It May Reduce the Risk of Cancer & Heart Disease

A great sex life can also keep your prostate—and other parts of your body—healthy.

Scientists monitored the frequency of orgasms in nearly 32,000 men over an 18-year period in a 2016 study published in European Urology. Their findings suggested that a higher frequency of orgasms was associated with a reduced risk of developing prostate cancer later in life.

More specifically, men (both in their 20s and 40s) who reported 21 or more orgasms per month had about 20 percent lower risk of developing prostate cancer compared to those who ejaculated four to seven times per month.

What’s more? Engaging in a vibrant sexual life also seems to benefit heart health, even in those with heart disease, per a study from a 2022 issue of the European Journal of Preventive Cardiology.

Heart attack patients who reported having sex at least once per week had a slightly lower risk of dying from heart disease (though more research is needed to determine if that lowered risk is statistically significant) and a more notable 44 percent lower risk of dying from non-heart disease causes—compared to those who had sex less. This is even after researchers adjusted for additional factors, including age, gender, partner status, and smoking.

4. It Can Boost Your Immune System

Research suggests sex can support your immune system, as it offers a shield against illnesses and bolsters your resilience to viruses.

In a study, found in a 2021 issue of Fertility and Sterility, researchers assigned 16,000 participants to one of two groups: those who reported having sex more than three times per month and those who reported having sex less than three times per month. They found that 76.6 percent of those in the first group did not get infected with COVID-19 over the course of four months—and even those who did get infected tended to have milder cases than those in the second group, where nearly half of the group got infected.

These findings suggest that as your sexual activity increases, your immune system may be better equipped to combat pathogens. But of course, sexual activity alone can’t prevent infectious disease, so be sure to take all appropriate measures to avoid infections like COVID-19—particularly if you’re at high risk for serious disease.

5. It May Independently Extend Your Lifespan

While factors like quality of life, a strong immune system, and lowered risk of cancer may all contribute to your longevity, research shows that sex alone may be able to extend your lifespan.

For instance, the findings from a study—found in a 2022 issue of the Journal of Applied Gerontology—showed that sexual well-being was positively associated with longevity in those who perceived sexuality as important to them.

Although research suggests your desire to have sex may begin to decline as you get older, plenty of men and women continue to have sex semi-regularly as they enter those later decades of life. Among those aged 80 and older, 19 percent of men and 32 percent of women reported having sex frequently (which is described as twice a month or more), according to a study from a 2015 edition of Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Complete Article HERE!

Why Viagra has been linked with better brain health

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Viagra can be a wonder drug for men with erectile dysfunction, helping them maintain their sex lives as they age. Now new research suggests the little blue pill may also be beneficial to aging brains.

The findings are based on a massive study of nearly 270,000 middle-aged men in Britain. Researchers at University College London used electronic medical records to track the health of the men, who were all 40 or older and had been diagnosed with erectile dysfunction between 2000 and 2017. Each man’s health and prescriptions were tracked for at least a year, although the median follow-up time was 5.1 years.

During the study, 1,119 men in the cohort were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

The researchers noticed a distinctive pattern. The men who were prescribed Viagra or a similar drug had an 18 percent lower risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease, compared with men who weren’t given the medication.

The researchers also found an even larger difference in men who appeared to use Viagra more often. Among the highest users, based on total prescriptions, the risk of being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s was 44 percent lower. (Men with erectile dysfunction are instructed to only take Viagra before sex, and no more than once a day.)

“I’m excited by the findings but more excited because I feel this could lead to further, high-quality studies in a disease area that needs more work,” said Ruth Brauer, a lecturer in pharmacoepidemiology at the University College London School of Pharmacy and the principal investigator of the study.

There’s a limit to how much we can conclude from the study results. The findings show an association between lower Alzheimer’s risk and Viagra use, but don’t prove cause and effect. For instance, it may be that Viagra use is a marker for better overall health, and that men who have more sex also are more physically active as well. Physical activity is independently associated with a lower risk of Alzheimer’s disease, Brauer said.

Why Viagra may be linked with a lower risk of dementia

Sildenafil, the generic name for Viagra, was never supposed to be a sex drug. Pfizer had developed the drug as a cardiovascular medication to treat hypertension and chest pain called angina. The company had been conducting clinical trials using sildenafil as a heart medication when some patients reported an unexpected side-effect — erections.

Viagra is part of a class of drugs known as phosphodiesterase Type 5 Inhibitors, or PDE-5 drugs. The drugs work by dilating blood vessels and increasing blood flow throughout the body, including to the penis. Since its discovery as an erectile dysfunction treatment, sildenafil also has been used to treat pulmonary arterial hypertension for both men and women.

The link between heart health and sexual health is strong. Erectile dysfunction can be an early warning sign of coronary artery disease. And an unhealthy vascular system is one of the reasons men start having problems with erections.

Vascular risk factors have also been linked to certain types of dementia, including Alzheimer’s disease, so researchers have been intrigued about whether erectile dysfunction treatments can affect brain health as well.

Animal studies of PDE-5 inhibitors have shown the drug may help prevent cognitive impairment by, in part, increasing blood flow in the brain, but researchers who conducted a review of the available research say the efficacy of the class of drugs “remains unclear.” And Brauer said the findings in animals are only “possible mechanisms” in humans.

“There is an idea that if we can help with improving blood flow in the brain, maybe we can also reduce the risk for Alzheimer’s disease,” said Sevil Yasar, an associate professor of medicine at Johns Hopkins University and the co-author of an editorial that accompanied the study in Neurology.

Other reasons for the effect

Stanton Honig, a professor of urology at Yale School of Medicine, said the newest study is far from definitive. “You can’t draw any conclusions” from the study because “there are so many other factors” at play besides whether a man takes a pill for erectile dysfunction.

“Someone who is more likely to take a pill like that at 70, they’re probably more active, they’re more likely involved with their partners, things like that,” Honig said. “There’s too many confounding variables to make a definitive statement that it’s the pills or it’s the patients that are taking the pills that are less likely to be neurologically impaired.”

Brauer said the average “pack” per prescription is four tablets. But it’s not clear if the men took all the tablets prescribed and, if so, how often.

“We do not know if people used the prescribed drugs as intended nor could we measure sexual activity or physical activity levels,” Brauer said. “We need further studies to show if our results would hold up in a group of men without erectile dysfunction and — even better — it would be better to run our study in a group of men and women.”

Previous studies on different populations have come to somewhat contradictory conclusions. A Cleveland Clinic study found a significantly reduced risk of Alzheimer’s disease among those using sildenafil, said Feixiong Cheng, the director of the Cleveland Clinic Genome Center and the principal investigator of the study. But a study by researchers at Harvard Medical School and the National Institute on Aging found “no association” between the use of sildenafil, or other PDE-5 inhibitors, and the risk of Alzheimer’s disease, said Rishi Desai, an associate professor at Harvard Medical School.

More study is needed

Rebecca Edelmayer, the senior director of scientific engagement for the Alzheimer’s Association, said in an email that it remains unclear whether Viagra and similar drugs have an effect on Alzheimer’s risk. “Further research and specifically designed, randomized clinical trials are a necessary step,” she said.

For now, the findings don’t suggest that men should start taking Viagra if they don’t need it. But we do know that Viagra is an effective treatment for erectile dysfunction, and men who are experiencing the problem should see a doctor and discuss both their sexual health and cardiovascular health.

“You should not take Viagra to reduce your risk,” Yasar said. “You should eat healthy. You should exercise. There’s plenty of evidence for that.”

Complete Article HERE!

6 Questions to Ask Your Doctor About Sex after 50

— Vaginal dryness, erection challenges, safe sex and more

By Ellen Uzelac

With most physicians ill prepared to talk about sexual health and many patients too embarrassed or ashamed to broach the subject, sex has become this thing we don’t discuss in the examining room.

“So many doctors talk about the benefits of nutrition, sleep, exercise — but they don’t talk about this one really essential thing we all share: our sexuality,” says Evelin Dacker, a family physician in Salem, Oregon, who is dedicated to normalizing sexual health in routine care. “We need to start having this conversation.”

Starting the conversation about sexual health

Sexual wellness experts suggest first talking about a physical problem such as a dry vagina or erectile challenges and then segueing into concerns about desire, low libido and intimacy.

As Joshua Gonzalez, a urologist and sexual medicine physician in Los Angeles, observes: “Patients sometimes need to be their own advocates. If you feel something in your sex life is not happening the way you would like it to, or if you are not able to perform sexually as you would like, never assume that this is somehow normal or inevitable.”

Often, there are physiological issues at play or medications that can alter your sexual experience. “If you’re interested in having sex,” Gonzalez says, “there are often real solutions for whatever the problem may be.”

Here are six questions to help steer the conversation in the right direction.

1. What can I do about unreliable erections?

Erectile dysfunction is common in older men — 50 percent of men in their 50s will experience erectile challenges, Gonzalez says, and 60 percent of men in their 60s, 70 percent of men in their 70s, and on up the ladder.

The good news: There are fixes. “This doesn’t mean giving up on having pleasurable sex at a certain age,” Gonzalez says. The two primary things he evaluates are hormone balance and blood flow to the penis. A treatment plan is then designed based on those results.

Some older men also find it often takes time and effort to ejaculate. Gonzalez suggests decoupling the idea of ejaculation and orgasm. What many men don’t realize: You can have an orgasm with a soft penis and without releasing any fluid at all. “Your orgasm — the pleasure component — is not going to change.”

Also good to know: Sexual health is a marker of overall health. As an example, erectile dysfunction can be a predictor of undiagnosed health issues such as heart disease and diabetes years before any other symptoms arise, says Gonzalez.

2. Sex is different now. My body is no longer young but I still have sexual urges. How do I accommodate this new normal?

Dacker often asks her older patients: How is the quality of your intimacy? Is it what you want it to be? Have you noticed a shift as you’ve gotten older and what does that mean to you?

“Naturally, as we age our bodies start working differently,” she says. “I like to reframe what it means to be sexual by expanding our intimate life, doing things that maybe you haven’t thought of doing before.”

Dacker, who teaches courses on how to be a sex-positive health care provider, suggests exploring each other in new ways: dancing, eye gazing, washing one another while bathing, giving hands-free coconut oil massages using your stomach, arms and chest. She’s also a fan of self-pleasure.

“There’s so much pleasure that doesn’t involve penetration, orgasm and erections,” she adds. “It’s not about performance, it’s about pleasure.”

3. My vagina hurts when I have penetrative sex to the point that I’m now avoiding it. What can I do?

A lack of estrogen in older women can cause the vaginal wall to get really thin, resulting in dryness, irritation and bleeding when there is friction.

“It can be uncomfortable with or without sex,” says Katharine O’Connell White, associate professor of OB/GYN at Boston University and vice chair of academics and the associate director of the Complex Family Planning Fellowship at Boston Medical Center. “What people don’t realize is that what they’re feeling is so incredibly common. A majority of postmenopausal women will experience this.”

White offers a three-part solution for vaginal dryness: If you’re sexually active — and even if you’ve never used a lubricant before — add a water-based lube during sex play. Also, consider using an estrogen-free vaginal moisturizer, sold in stores and online, to help restore the vaginal lining. Finally, think about adding back the estrogen that the body is craving through medically prescribed tablets, rings or creams that are inserted into the vagina.

White also advises patients to engage in 20 to 30 minutes of foreplay before penis-in-vagina sex. “The whole body changes and the vagina gets wet, wider and longer, which can go a long way to alleviating any discomfort,” she says.

4. Urinary incontinence is interfering with my sex life. How can I control it?

Because the bladder is seated on top of the vagina, the thinning of the vaginal wall can also impact the bladder. When you urinate, it can burn or you will want to pee more often, symptoms typical of a urinary tract infection, according to White.

Some women feel like they need to urinate during sex, which, as White says, “can pull you out of the mood.” Her advice? “Pee before sex and pee after sex.” She also suggests using vaginal estrogen to plump up the walls of the vagina and, by extension, the bladder.

5. I’m interested in dating again. What screenings for sexual wellness should I get — and require of a new partner?

Fully understanding the importance of reducing your risk for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) should be front and center as you reenter the dating scene, according to nurse practitioner Jeffrey Kwong, a professor at the School of Nursing at Rutgers University and clinical ambassador for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s “Let’s Stop HIV Together” campaign. 

“Individuals should be screened if they’re engaging in any sort of sexual activity — oral, vaginal, anal — because many times, some of these conditions can be asymptomatic,” he says. “You can transmit without symptoms and vice versa.”

Screening may involve a urine or blood test or swabs of the vagina, throat or rectum. With STIs soaring in older adults, Kwong suggests testing for HIV, hepatitis C, hepatitis B, chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis. In early 2024, the CDC reported that syphilis cases had reached their highest level since the 1950s.

6. My doctor was dismissive when I brought up sex, basically saying, At your age, what do you expect? What should I do now?

Sex is a special part of life no matter how old you are. “If you’re with a doctor who brushes aside any of your concerns, it’s time to find a new doctor,” White says.

Finding a good doctor, she adds, is no different from looking for an accomplished hair stylist or a reliable mechanic: Ask your friends.

“I’m horrified when I hear about things like this,” she adds. “Any good doctor really wants you to bring up the things that concern you.“

Complete Article HERE!

True romance

— How to keep the love alive when sex has gone

Fantasising about other people? Wishing your partner was younger or fitter? It doesn’t have to mean the end of the relationship

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It’s rare for intense sexual chemistry to last. “We don’t talk about it enough,” says the relationship therapist Cate Campbell, “but it’s very normal for attraction to wane in a long-term relationship, especially as people get older and bodies change. Even if you love and care for your partner, you may fantasise about other people or wish they were younger or fitter. Mother nature tricks our brains into only seeing the positives when we start dating, but that wears off over time.”

Some people find that loss of sexual connection is a dealbreaker, especially when it’s accompanied by other problems in the relationship. “If couples get out of the habit of being intimate,” Campbell says, “it can make them more critical of each other’s flaws.”

But it is possible to keep love alive, and even reignite that sexual spark.

Communicate openly

According to psychotherapist Kamalyn Kaur, nothing is more important in relationships than old-fashioned communication. “If you find the sex is missing, have an open conversation about it. Try bringing it up in a non-pressurised environment – like when you’re walking or cooking together. This creates a bit of space so you don’t have to answer questions right away.”

Taking the time to think about what’s caused the physical rift helps couples engage with what’s going on, and consider other forms of intimacy. It’s something that worked for Claire, 36, who has been with her partner for 10 years.

“When the sex went from our relationship a couple of years ago, we talked about it openly,” she says. “He told me that he didn’t fancy me, and I appreciated his honesty. We got together after running a business together so we’d never had that intense honeymoon period. Our relationship was built on mutual trust and enjoying each other’s company, but it got harder during Covid because we had the stress of trying to keep the business going.”

They separated briefly, but soon realised they didn’t want to be apart. “Ultimately, we are partners in life and have always supported each other in everything. For me, being able to have honest, open communication in a life you’ve built together is more important than sex.”

With so much history behind them, Claire found that focusing on their memories and achievements strengthened their bond. “Our relationship is based on achieving things as a team. To support that love, we’ve continued being intimate in other ways, such as hugging, sharing a bed and spending quality time together outside work.”

After two years without sexual contact, the intimacy between them is starting to grow. “It might come back even more when our child leaves home later in life. But for now I appreciate what we have, how well he treats me, and how he supports me through mental health challenges. People think the grass is always greener, but it takes time to build lasting intimacy and I don’t want to throw all that away.”

Kaur agrees that celebrating milestones can be a fantastic way to stop partners from taking each other for granted and recognise the evolution of their relationship. “It can be anniversaries or things you’ve achieved as a couple, such as having children or buying a home together. I recommend writing these things down because it encourages reflection and it helps to build positive memories. You can also try writing down your partner’s best qualities to remind yourself why you were drawn to them in the first place.”

Tackle the weak spots in your relationship

Unlike food and shelter, sexual chemistry isn’t No 1 in the hierarchy of human needs. Relationships coach Katarina Polonska, who specialises in supporting high-achieving couples, says that grappling to achieve the “big ticket” items in life, such as a good career or building a home, can mean people deprioritise their partner, leading to a loss of sexual interest. “To feel in love after the honeymoon period is a choice – it’s not something we can expect to last,” she says. “To make that choice, we have to make room to feel desire and love. The first thing I ask couples when they’re losing desire for each other is whether there are any other stressors in their life, such as work or caring duties.”

For couples who identify this as a problem, making more time for each other can help them reconnect and regain that sexual chemistry. “Another common reason that people stop fancying their partner is due to past resentments and unresolved relationship issues. These can be tiny microaggressions, but over time they grow into something bigger.”

She recommends that couples take at least 30 minutes each week to try the “three things” exercise. “You share three things you appreciate and three things you need the person to know, for example times you didn’t feel seen or heard, or something that has rocked your trust. Then you share three things that you need, such as acts of romance or help around the house. It’s important not to judge, but give each other space to share.”

Build an intimacy routine

Intimacy is often associated with sex, but Campbell points out that it can be so much more than that. “To keep a loving relationship going without sex, it’s important to build an intimacy routine, for example hugging and kissing before you go out. Sometimes applying a sex ban can be helpful to take the pressure off completely and see what happens when you try holding hands or just cuddling on the sofa.”

She adds that if partners still care about each other, spending quality time together is likely to improve the relationship, and those feelings of sexual chemistry could return – even after years without it.

For some couples, practising intimacy exercises can bring them closer together. Clinical psychologist Dr Patapia Tzotzoli says that mindfulness during intimate moments can help to rebuild attraction between couples. “Hugging meditation involves taking a deep breath and visualising your partner 200 years from now. This mental exercise helps people to appreciate that life is precious and enables them to cherish what they have right now.”

Through the simple act of staying in the moment, couples shift their attention back to each other and their relationship. “It can help them to replace the negative feelings with more positive ones and make them more able to interact with each other with kindness and patience.”

Try something new

One of the reasons that attraction between couples can dwindle is the lack of variety. The mundanity of day-to-day life, coupled with the stress of working can leave little time for excitement. Tzotzoli recommends taking up a new hobby or trying something different. “By focusing on personal growth, you’re nurturing your own sense of fulfilment. It can enrich each partner’s individuality, which will contribute positively to the relationship.”

Over time, that renewed sense of self can lead to increased attraction and appreciation for each other. She also suggests trying new activities as a couple, such as dance classes, cooking classes or anything else that pushes you out of your routine.

Complete Article HERE!

From the ‘Third Date Rule’ to Sex Ed

— Boomer Sex and Dating Trends

Getting married again is not popular. But getting intimate after a few dates is, says a new Kinsey/Match study

By Ellen Uzelac

Most single boomers say they’re ready to get intimate with a new partner by the third date – a practice so common that it’s been dubbed “The Third Date Rule.”

​​That’s just one of the many trends in dating for older adults found in the latest “Singles in America” study, released by Match in conjunction with the Kinsey Institute, an esteemed educational research institute that is part of Indiana University. ​​

Among other key data points for adults ages 59-77: an overall preference for sexual monogamy, a desire to know more about consent and, for many, a sex drought.

​​“Regarding the new data, I’m kind of hopeful,” says Justin Garcia, an evolutionary biologist and sex researcher who is executive director of the Kinsey Institute and also a professor with Indiana University’s Department of Gender Studies. “These are things we can think critically about and implement to make our romantic and sexual lives more fulfilling.” ​​

Here are the chief takeaways for older adults:​​

The third date rule. Sixty-six percent of singles said they were amenable to cuddling by the third date and 58 percent were up for a make-out session. Roughly one-third reported being comfortable with getting naked, touching each other’s naked bodies, performing and receiving oral sex, having vaginal or anal sexual intercourse, and discussing their sexual likes and dislikes. ​​

“Many people give themselves self-imposed rules to guide their behavior in dating,” says Garcia, who coauthored the book Evolution of Sexual Behavior and has served as a scientific adviser for Match.com since 2010. “We are freer than ever to date and love and be intimate with whomever we want, but that freedom and openness can lead to a lack of clarity. I think having rules is a good thing. People, especially in dating, can be nervous, anxious, scared, excited. It gives you a rough goalpost.” ​​

Sex education. Forty-three percent of boomers say more sex ed in their younger years would have helped them have healthier and happier relationships today. Two key missing pieces are that 45 percent said they never learned about how to give or get consent and 49 percent never learned how to talk about sex in general. ​​

“The goal is to make sure people of all ages have the tools to engage in sex in ways that are safe, consensual and fulfilling,” Garcia says. “It’s never too late to invest in learning about the role of sexuality in our lives. For older populations, this information is still so important.” ​​

Garcia suggests talking to a medical professional about sex or accessing academic lectures on aging and sex. “People underestimate the value of stories and articles,” he adds. “If you look for the information, you’ll find it. Don’t be afraid to read the article. Stay informed about how to make sure sex is still pleasurable and satisfying.” ​​

Sexual relationship styles. Just over half of boomers say that traditional sexual monogamy is their ideal sexual relationship and that the three most important factors in a healthy romantic relationship are trust, mutual respect and effective communication. ​​

Few, around 2 percent, identified their ideal relationship as multiple committed partners in an open or consensual nonmonogamous relationship; and 4 percent say uncommitted sexual partners (e.g. hookups, one-night stands) are their ideal. Only about 1 percent want sex via internet or in a virtual reality environment. And 9 percent said their preference was a “friends with benefits” mode.

Nearly 60 percent said they felt empowered and comfortable asking a sexual partner for what they want. ​​

Only 10 percent of single boomers who have been married want to marry again. ​​

Sex drought. A majority of older singles, 74 percent, reported having had no sex in the last 12 months, and 28 percent said “no sexual relationship” was their preferred status. (By comparison, 21 percent of the 5,000-plus U.S. singles age 18-77 identified no relationship as their ideal.) ​​

Although the frequency of sexual activity has declined in a lot of national samples, Garcia says that doesn’t necessarily translate into a lack of interest in having a sexual partner. ​​

He attributes the sex drought in large measure to the stresses in people’s lives today – financial challenges, concern about infectious diseases, recovering from the global trauma of COVID, the loneliness epidemic.

​​“That’s a lot of weight,” he adds. “The psychological and social stress that people feel is not conducive to sexual desire. It’s a good reminder that when we’re stressed, we might lose our sexual desire.” ​ ​​​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​

Complete Article HERE!

The sexual health checkup older adults didn’t know they needed

— STD cases have risen among adults age 65 and older. Should you get screened?

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Adults have sex at every age, so it follows that STDs can spread at every age. But my older patients who have new sexual partners are sometimes bewildered when I ask if they want to get screened.

It’s healthy to be sexually active as an older adult, and it correlates with greater enjoyment of life. My patients tell me that nursing homes can present really exciting opportunities to make new friends in this regard.

In fact, 40 percent of adults aged 65-80 are sexually active and about 10 percent of people older than 90 are sexually active, though it bears noting that the latter figure is based on a survey limited to one municipality in Sweden.

But STDs spare no one. Few people I’ve seen whose STD testing comes back positive were expecting that result. And from 2007 to 2017, STD cases more than doubled among adults age 65 and over.

That is why it is important to get screened and always use a condom. Condoms are infrequently utilized among older people, but they do reduce, yet not eliminate, risk of STDs.

Why are STD cases rising among older adults?

Researchers speculate STD cases are rising simply because older adults are having more sex than in generations past.

One factor at play is how people are meeting each other and forming relationships, including with web- or app-based dating services that are increasingly attracting older people.

The market for devices and medications that address sexual health problems is also flourishing — and not just for men. In the past several years, the Food and Drug Administration has approved more treatments aimed at postmenopausal women who may have trouble with sex due to vaginal dryness and pain.

This all may be impacting how often older adults have sex and subsequently get STDs. After the introduction of sildenafil — known by the brand name Viagra — in 1998, for example, the risk of STDs increased significantly among widowed men.

How do I know if I need STD screening?

The United States Preventive Services Task Force advises all women aged 24 and younger to get screened for gonorrhea and chlamydia regularly — and thereafter, when you have new sexual partners or other situations that increase risk. Everyone should be tested for HIV at least once. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends men who have sex with men to get screened at least once a year for syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea and HIV.

But there’s a lot of leeway among other groups, so much of STD screening is left to common sense.

Here’s my advice:

  • Got a new partner? I’d check.
  • Have multiple recent partners? Let’s definitely check.
  • Got a new partner who only had one prior long-term partner before you? You know me. If it were me, I’d check.
  • Found out your partner has been cheating? You know the drill (and I’m truly so sorry).
  • Just oral or anal sex? You can still get STDs. Shall we check?

In other words, if you’re even thinking about getting screened, just do it.

What STDs should I get screened for?

Chlamydia and gonorrhea are two classic STDs that have been rising among older adults in recent years. There were more than 2,000 cases of each among people 65 and older in 2017. Syphilis, while rarer, is also rising in this population, and in 2018, the majority of people diagnosed with HIV were age 50 and older.

There are also other conditions that get less attention, such as trichomoniasis and bacterial vaginosis (the latter is not quite considered an STD but is linked to sexual activity). Both can produce a distinctive “fishy” smelling discharge in women. Discuss which STDs to check for with your health-care provider since your personal history plays a role as well.

What STD symptoms should I look out for?

Sure, painful genital sores raise a red flag pretty quickly, but most people with STDs don’t actually have any symptoms. If you have symptoms like burning with urination, itching or unusual discharge, consider the possibility of an STD with your provider before immediately presuming it’s a urinary tract or yeast infection.

Also keep the following in mind:

  • Most people with a new HIV infection experience a brief flu-like illness about two to four weeks after exposure. Then they tend to feel perfectly normal for several years before their CD4 cells — important immune cells in your body destroyed by HIV — drop low enough to draw medical attention.
  • Chlamydia is known as a “silent infection” because as few as 5 percent of women and about 10 percent of men develop symptoms. Most men and women with gonorrhea are similarly asymptomatic.
  • The first stage of syphilis infection involves a painless round genital sore that can infect others who come into contact with it. These sores are often not as noticeable as you’d think (they may be inside a skin fold and can be as small as a few millimeters). Later, the latent stage of syphilis can last for years with absolutely no symptoms.

Who is at highest risk for STDs?

To be clear, cases of STDs among the elderly are going up, but they’re still much fewer than those among older teenagers and adults in their 20s. But everyone, regardless of age, should take precautions and test appropriately.

Age aside, men who have sex with men, users of intravenous drugs and people who have a prior history of another STD are all at higher risk. A study from Vanderbilt University, where I went to medical school, recently found what I had long observed as a student: Compared to other groups, Black women are losing the most years of life to HIV (and 91 percent of new HIV infections among Black women nationwide are reported from heterosexual contact).

There’s another striking discrepancy within the country: Southern states account for about half of new HIV cases annually. These states, not coincidentally, also have the highest rates of poverty nationally and tend to focus on abstinence-based sex education that has been shown to be ineffective in STD prevention.

What I want my patients to know

I never enjoy telling someone they have something like chlamydia. But I do like what I can say next, which is that most STDs can be fully cured with medication, and for those we can’t cure, like HIV, we have excellent medications to treat. You only stand to win by knowing.

Complete Article HERE!

Struggling With Sex After 50?

— Expert Tips To Build Intimacy At Any Age

By Juliana Hauser, PhD

We are often taught there is a “right” and “wrong” way to experience and explore sexuality. That’s a total myth.

As a sex and relationship counselor, I’ve seen firsthand the value of expanding our view of sexuality to include topics such as body compassion, clear communication, and sexual well-being. Doing so shows us the wide range of possibilities to explore for a vibrant life, sexually and beyond.

Here are a few tips for enhancing sexual connections using the principles of “holistic sexuality,” no matter your age:

1 Experiment with self-pleasure of all kinds

Too often, we’re told that “successful” sex results in orgasm, placing orgasms as the reason for sex outside of procreation. We put so much pressure on achieving or giving an orgasm that we lose sight of the true pursuit—pleasure!

Orgasms are wonderful, but there are so many deliciously pleasurable ways to sexually connect with yourself and others.

To think beyond intercourse, consider what in your daily life brings you pleasure: the first sip of coffee, your favorite song. Bring your senses into focus and dive into the sensuality of each moment. This practice can quickly enliven your sexual pleasure as you begin to connect with what lights you up throughout the day.

2 Build your sexual tool kit

A survey conducted by Harris Poll in October 2023 found that more than half of women 50+ (52%) have a sexual toolbox to support their sexual experiences. Once you have a self-pleasure practice in tune with what you like and want, sex toys and products can enhance your sexual well-being.

For example, you can expand your potential for pleasure by using a vaginal moisturizer if you’re experiencing any pain or discomfort during sex. Two of my favorite products from Kindra (a menopause and intimacy company that I partner with) are the Daily Vaginal Lotion and V Relief Serum—both are gentle enough for everyday use and incredibly supportive of pleasure.

Preferences change over time, and it may also be time to incorporate some new tools into your routine. Remember to give yourself permission to try things that may end up being a no for you, and keep an open mind to an expanded view of pleasure.

3 Prioritize connection

Now that you’ve laid the groundwork for a deeper understanding of yourself and your pleasure, bring your knowledge to your partnership!

There are many reasons why sexual connection becomes deprioritized once we hit midlife, and they vary from couple to couple. As we grow with our relationships, it’s vital to nourish connection and intimacy. And you don’t necessarily need sexual intimacy or physical connection to do so at first.

A great way to kick-start connection with a partner (or solo) is by completing the Four Quadrant Exercise. Here’s how it’s done:

  • Come to this exercise with vulnerability, patience, curiosity, and an open mind.
  • Divide a paper into four quadrants, one for each prompt: what you have done that you like sexually, what you haven’t done that you want to try sexually, what you have done that you don’t want to do again sexually, and what you haven’t done that you don’t want to try sexually.
  • Write down everything you can think of (feel free to browse for new ideas, too!).
  • If you are doing this exercise with your partner, after you’ve both explored, see what your commonalities and differences are, and use them as a springboard for connection.

4 Seek out support as needed

Even when we incorporate new practices into our daily routines and try new products, sometimes we still need some outside support. Working with a sex counselor or therapist can help you work on your personal goals across all areas of life—relationally, sexually, and beyond.

If you have discomfort during sex, you might explore seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist, an OB/GYN, or another health professional to better understand what is going on for you. It’s incredibly important that you know the best practices for taking care of your sexual well-being, and it’s never too late. You deserve pain-free sexuality at all stages of life.

The takeaway

You have a right to the kind of sexual life you want to have. Improving your sexual life means learning what you want and need, what tools and resources are supportive, and connecting daily to what brings pleasure, joy, and connection—to yourself first and foremost and then to your partner and others around you.

Complete Article HERE!

The Secrets of Sex Over 40

— 8 Questions Answered

New AARP survey reveals how often older adults have sex, and lots more

By Robin L. Flanigan

Most older adults believe sex is an essential part of a healthy relationship, and more than half say their sex lives are as satisfying – or even better—than a decade ago.

In a new AARP Research survey released Sept. 29, people over 40 got frank about what goes on in their lives – or doesn’t – when it comes to intimacy and sex.
The survey “Ageless Desire: Relationships and Sex in Middle Age and Beyond” polled 2,500 people 40 and older about how perceptions, behaviors, attitudes and preferences about sexual experiences have changed over time. Three-quarters of survey respondents were over 50.

Among the findings:

  • 72 percent of men and 63 percent of women have a current regular sexual partner.
  • Less than half of those surveyed —46 percent—said they were satisfied with their current sex life.
  • Four out of 5 people said their relationships were physically pleasurable and emotionally satisfying.
  • Having sex with a stranger is the most common sexual fantasy for both men and women.

The report also found that over the past 20 years, the frequency of sex in this age group declined, but other types of sexual activity – like masturbation and oral sex – increased.

“Sex doesn’t get any less important as we age,” says Patty David, AARP vice president of consumer insights. “It continues to be a vital part of a good relationship, which shows that intimacy and physical connection are important to all ages.”

1. How often do people in middle age and older have sex?

Older adults still have plenty of sex. Thirty percent told AARP researchers that they have sex weekly, 27 percent said monthly or less, and 40 percent reported having no sex in the last six months. One in 6 adults over 70 reported having sex weekly.
When it comes to oral sex, the frequency is a bit less: 18 percent said they have oral sex weekly, 25 percent said monthly, and 54 percent said none in the past six months.

But not everyone thinks they’re having enough sex: 46 percent said they were having the right amount, and 45 percent said they weren’t having enough. Men were more likely than women to say they’re not having enough sex, and women were more likely to say they were having just the right amount.

Certified sex therapist and psychologist Stephanie Buehler says there are lots of ways to be sexual as an older adult and recommends people expand ideas about what it means to show affection in the bedroom.

“It’s about acceptance and adaptation,” says Buehler, author of Enliven Your Sex Life! “Stop worrying about what you can no longer do and explore to find out how you can still experience sexual pleasure at any age.”

2. Do men and women differ in their levels of sexual desire?

Overall, 55 percent of those surveyed said they considered their sexual desire about average, 15 percent said higher than average and 29 percent said lower than average.

But men were more likely than women to rate their level of sexual desire as higher than average. Women were more likely to rate their level of sexual desire as lower than average.

3. How frequently do older adults masturbate?

The survey found that 55 percent of people reported pleasuring themselves in the past six months. Among those who did masturbate, 61 percent did so within the past week. About one in 4 pleasure themselves weekly, but that number decreases as age rises: Only 11 percent of people age 70 and older reported masturbating in the previous week, compared with 40 percent of those ages 40-49.

“Masturbation is natural and shouldn’t produce feelings of guilt or embarrassment,” says Buehler, adding that it also can be helpful if your partner doesn’t want as much sexual activity as you do.

One in 3 people reported using a vibrator for personal enjoyment, though women were more likely to say they were using one compared with men, at 42 percent versus 18 percent. People who identified as nonheterosexual were also more likely to report using a vibrator for self-stimulation (66 percent compared with 28 percent of those identifying as heterosexual).

4. How common is infidelity after midlife?

Fourteen percent of people reported being unfaithful, according to the survey. Seventeen percent of men said they’d had a sexual relationship with someone other than their partner, compared with 11 percent of women.

The reasons? For both men and women, the novelty of sex with someone other than their partner was tops. Men were more likely than women to say they were interested in sexual activities that their partner wasn’t interested in. For women, the answers trended toward feeling unappreciated by their partner and having a higher sex drive than their partner.

A quarter of those surveyed also reported reasons for sex with someone besides their primary partners as consensual monogamy or polyamory.

While many respondents reported that infidelity or suspected infidelity had a negative impact on their relationships, few people chose to end them because of it – only 4 percent did.

After an affair, most relationships are strained but survive, Buehler says.

“Repairing takes a lot of difficult conversations,” Buehler says, “as the person who had the affair spends time reflecting and the hurt partner takes time to understand the reasoning and heal.”

5. Is erectile dysfunction increasing?

The number of men who say they have difficulty with sexual function is growing. Just 4 in 10 men said they are always able to get and keep an erection for intercourse, down from half of men in 2009, according to AARP researchers.

In fact, 28 percent of those men surveyed said they’ve been diagnosed with erectile dysfunction or impotence, up from 23 percent in 2009 and 17 percent in 2004. But many men are looking for help: 6 out of 10 men who said they had general sexual functioning problems reported that they sought treatment.

Only 12 percent of women reported problems related to sexual functioning and more than half of those said they didn’t seek treatment because they didn’t feel comfortable discussing the issue.

Health concerns, like diabetes, stress and high blood pressure can impact sexual functioning: 79 percent of those surveyed said they’d been diagnosed with a medical condition.

6. Do older adults typically have a regular sex partner?

The AARP survey found that two-thirds of people reported they had a regular sex partner. Younger respondents had the highest likelihood of reporting a regular sex partner, but even over age 70, a little more than half of people said they had someone they regularly engaged in sexual activity with.

7. Are sexual fantasies among older adults common?

The answer is a resounding yes: 83 percent of those surveyed said they had sexual thoughts, fantasies or erotic dreams.

While having sex with a stranger was the most common fantasy for both genders, men’s fantasies included having sex with more than one person at a time, while women were more likely to say that they fantasized about having sex with someone of the same sex or having sex in different locations.

But people are keeping their fantasies to themselves: Roughly two-thirds said they hadn’t discussed them with others.

8. What are the best ways to keep romance alive?

The pandemic has had an impact on how people view their relationships. The survey found that 41 percent of older adults want an increased connection with their significant other, and 70 percent said they believe quality time and strong connections are more important now than before COVID-19.

However, the survey found that 31 percent of those divorced or never married are apt to say, “Romance? What’s that?”

Here’s how couples say they are keeping the romance going, according to the survey:

  • 63 percent make a point of saying ‘I love you”
  • 57 percent celebrate special days like birthdays and anniversaries
  • 35 percent take a vacation or romantic trip annually
  • 32 percent set aside time to enjoy each other’s company
  • 30 percent buy each other gifts or flower

David, of AARP, notes that in many cases the impact of COVID-19 has been to highlight the importance of relationships with friends, family, spouses or romantic partners. “It has made our connections even stronger,” she said. “Couple this with the importance of spending time with each other to keep the romance in the relationship and you have a powerful recipe for contentment and happiness.”

Complete Article HERE!

Women have more sex as they age

— And it’s better, too. A sexologist explains why.

By

  • Juliana Hauser is a licensed therapist who specializes in sex-positive counseling.
  • She says many women have better sex as they age.
  • Self pleasure can help women explore new desires, she said.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Juliana Houser, a licensed marriage and family therapist who is the resident expert and advisor at Kindra. It has been edited for length and clarity.

The success of “The Golden Bachelor” has proven something I’ve seen in my work for a long time. When it comes to love, relationships, and sex, older people don’t want to be counted out.

Many of my clients in their 50s and beyond have vibrant, exciting, and novel sex lives. They want to be seen as sexual beings. When that occurs, great things happen: I’ve met many women who are having passionate, orgasmic sex that just gets better with age. Here’s how they’re doing it and the tips that can help you have the same, no matter what your age.

Harness confidence in yourself

Society feeds us lots of messages about what it means to be a woman who is desired and who desires others. We all have an image of what it means to be sexy — and if we don’t think we fit that picture, we can become disconnected from our own eroticism.

And yet, by the time women reach middle age, they have self-confidence. When you know who you authentically are, you can shed all the layers of what you thought sexy was. That lets you unapologetically embrace what sexy means to you.

Nurture the most important sexual relationship you have

Nearly everyone has their own individual sex life, whether they’re partnered or not. Your sexual relationship with yourself is the longest and most important sexual relationship you’ll have, but too often, we ignore it.

Create different sexual experiences for yourself, just like you would with a partner. Vary what times of day you self-pleasure; have slow, intimate sessions and quickies; explore your kinky side.

Take microdoses of pleasure

Lots of people, especially women, deprive themselves. We focus so much time on our careers and families while pushing pleasure off for another time — the weekends or vacation.

Instead of doing that, I recommend finding time for microdoses of pleasure every day. Change the pacing of pleasure until it’s something that’s constantly around rather than something to be waited for.

Connect with your senses

How do you microdose pleasure? By connecting with our senses. Feeling sensual can open the door to feeling pleasure, which I define as feeling a spark or vibrancy inside you.

Pleasure and sensuality start with things that aren’t sexual at all: a sunrise that brings you joy or the smell of a bouquet of flowers. Look for anything that makes your body say “yum” or “yes.” As you respond to that part of yourself, you’ll become more confident in finding and experiencing what brings you pleasure in bed.

Understand your body is changing

The impacts of menopause are undeniable and normal. But they don’t have to mean the end of your sex life — in fact, we’ve found that 70% of women who are 50 or older still enjoy sex.

There can be hard feelings associated with changing bodies and again. But embracing change can be helpful. Learn what works for your body now. Try products and toys that might ease any difficulties you have. Broaden your definition of sex. After all, there’s a whole continuum of what sex can be, not just penetration.

Get curious

Adapt an attitude of curiosity about sex. Google “10 best sex toys of 2023” and see what catches your eye. If you hear a term you don’t know, look it up. Ask your friends where they’re finding pleasure, or what aspects of sex and aging are challenging for them. Share your struggles and your interests.

You can even create a sex bucket list. Revisit it every now and then — you might notice that you might want to try things that were once a “no,” or that acts that were once appealing no longer intrigue you.

More than anything, know what pleasure is your birthright. Sexuality isn’t a luxury reserved for the young(er). It’s a necessity that we can connect with throughout our lives.

Complete Article HERE!

How to Be a Gay Daddy 101

– Part 1: Know Yourself, What You Seek and Who’s Looking for You

Being a gay Daddy has its perks, but also presents a set of challenges that make it perfect for some and undoable for others. So let’s talk about the assumptions, the realties and whether gay Daddydom — or seeking out a gay Daddy — is right for you.

By

The Age of the Daddy

Are you over 35? You’re on the cusp of what younger men consider Daddy material. But being a Daddy involves a lot more than being able to grow whiskers and sport fuzzy pecs. There are gay Daddies in their 20s ranging up in age as far as you can imagine. Likewise, there are adult boys ranging from 18 to well into their 60s and beyond. It turns out that the Daddy/boy dynamic attracts men independent of their ages. They’re seeking a bond more than a date on a birth certificate.

Handling the Idea of Being Daddy

You have questions to ask yourself: Does the notion of being called Daddy or Papa or Papi make your skin crawl? Many guys shudder at the notion because they equate the nomenclature with being told they’re nearing their “sell by” date. For me, being a furry guy who could grow a full beard at 14, it was a Godsend. I got no play in my 20s because I was too hairy to be one of the Abercrombie & Fitch or Obsession ad models. It wasn’t until I hit both 35 and the gym that I got any notice at all in the bars — and not usually until my shirt came off on the dance floor. But let’s say you’ve accepted that – whether through age or appearance, you have achieved the level of maturity at which you’re seldom if ever carded at an R-rated movie. Your Daddy look may involve a receding hairline, the appearance of laugh lines or traces of gray at the temples. Wear any or all of them with pride: the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more attractive you are to someone who’s seeking maturity.

Answering the Impertinent Question

You will inevitably find yourself, as you’re looking for a Daddy-seeker, faced with a profile or a question about whether you’re “generous.” It’s best to make it clear that you’re either a Sugar Daddy or more of the type who’s offering an emotional, romantic or a sexual bond. Certainly there are many adult boys who seek a Daddy as a transactional affair, whether inside or outside bedroom. If that’s not you, say so up front.

Find LGBTQ-Friendly Resources

Some Daddies only step into that role behind closed doors. Some wear it out and proud at the local watering holes. A few will let their connection with a younger partner shine in public. For me, it took me more than a few laps around the sun to understand my attraction to and the interest I get from younger guys.

Embracing your inner Daddy also means that more often than not, you’ll be getting a fair number of questions from your peers. “How can you find someone so young attractive?” they’ll ask. “They don’t know who was in the Beatles from who’s in the Rolling Stones, and you’re having to listen to their music, too — which is crap.” But then there are the up sides.

The Qualities of Youth

Truth be told, I’m simply more attracted to qualities typically associated with youth. Younger guys are more likely (in my experience) to see the possibilities surrounding them; they’re into exploring new places, new ideas and open to new stimuli — whether books, restaurants, podcasts, all-night dance parties, film festivals, or sudden impulses to hop into a car and see where it takes you for the weekend. A lot of guys my age (and I don’t mean all) want to be in bed after midnight. Don’t misunderstand: There are older men with a sense of adventure, to be sure. But there aren’t many of them looking to be nurtured or guided in the ways I seek — and those who are often confuse being a boy with being a sub or a slave, which are very different things.

Gay Daddies Are Special, Too

There’s a premium placed on youth in our culture, and young men can be beautiful. But I didn’t really start to enjoy being a Daddy until I came to understand that the older half of the equation is as rare and special as the younger, and that we are deserving of the hero worship they want to invest. A Daddy can help put life into context for someone feeling overwhelmed by the randomness of the world — especially in gay culture. A mature man has a grasp of history and life experience; he can provide compassion and cautionary tales; he’s more apt to be comfortable communicating about sex and have strategies about how to keep it fresh and safe at the same time.

Conversely, younger men know the internet in a way I never will. They’re familiar with suddenly and constantly adapting to where they seek information and the technology required to access it. They’ll stay up until sunrise and beyond if given a reason — even if that reason doesn’t appear until after 3am. They’re often curious, and while they won’t always agree with your conclusions, they know you’ve seen more of the world, even if your understanding largely comes from driving around town with the news on for decades. An adult boy knows what’s trending now and can show you how to keep up with the same. We in return can share with them the great films from our lifetimes (and earlier). Before long, you’re both sharing what you know that the other doesn’t — and that can be the beginning of a fascinating journey.

Complete Article HERE!

A Psychologist’s Guide To Dating Outside Your Age

— 3 Key Insights

It is common for people of different ages, even generations, to partner up. Science helps us understand why it sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t.

By Mark Travers

Age-gap relationships are by no means a new phenomenon, but they are something that modern society still struggles to make sense of—often denigrated and dismissed as a fleeting “phase.” Prejudicial terms such as “gold digger,” “cougar” and “manther” are used to describe some of the forms age-differentiated relationships can take.

At the same time, there is a growing movement demanding more respect and inclusivity of relationships that don’t fit the traditional mold, as how we imagine and define the “ideal relationship” is expanding at a rapid pace.

What can we learn from scientific research to help us understand the nuances of age-gap relationships? Here are three insights to guide your thinking.

1. Let’s Start With An Evolutionary Explanation

When it comes to any scientific conversation on sex and relationships, it is important to first consider their evolutionary function: perpetuating the species. From this standpoint, it is not surprising that men have a preference for women in their child-bearing prime.

In a 2012 paper published in Human Nature, evolutionary psychologists Sascha Schwarz and Manfred Hassebrauck write, “The ability to reproduce is not equal across the lifespan. Women cannot give birth to their own children after the onset of menopause. Unlike women, men are not directly restricted biologically in their reproductive abilities.”

It’s also not surprising that women have a preference for men who are able to invest resources into child-rearing. Schwarz and Hassebrauck state, “Women invest more in their offspring (e.g., gestation) than men. Therefore, women prefer committed, long-lasting relationships and seek partners who are able and willing to invest in them and their potential offspring.”

Putting these two facts together we can see why age-differentiated relationships, when they occur, favor a scenario where the male partner is older than the female partner. Younger women are more reproductively fit and older men have more resources to invest in their family and children.

This conclusion is borne out by research. A classic 1945 study found that men prefer partners who are about 2.5 years younger than they are while women prefer partners approximately 3.5 years older. Recent research has replicated this pattern.

2. What Is The Range Of “Acceptable” Dating Ages?

When we look beyond an individual’s “ideal” partner age and instead ask what they deem acceptable, things get more interesting. For instance, one study found that men, on average, are accepting of relationships with women up to approximately 10 years younger and 4.5 years older. Women, on the other hand, are accepting of relationships with men up to 8 years older and five years younger.

But there’s an important caveat, and it has to do with how these “acceptable” limits change as we age.

“As men grow older, they accept even younger women, but their tolerated age span regarding the oldest partner they would accept is unrelated to their own age,” state the researchers. “On the other hand, women tend to accept younger men as they grow older, but the oldest partner they will accept decreases as they age.”

According to the authors, women are less likely to enter relationships with older men as they get older because longevity favors women, not men. In Germany, for instance, the average life span for women is five years longer than it is for men.

3. How Does Relationship Happiness Factor In?

Perhaps the most important question revolves around the happiness people experience in age-gap relationships. The first and most compelling insight is that relationships of any make or model can be happy relationships under the right circumstances. However, science offers clues on the combinations that seem to work best.

One study published in the Journal of Population Economics found that both men and women seem to be happier with younger, not older, spouses. However, this happiness advantage may be short-lived.

The authors write, “Marital satisfaction declines with marital duration for both men and women in differently aged couples relative to those in similarly aged couples. These relative declines erase the initial higher levels of marital satisfaction experienced by men married to younger wives and women married to younger husbands.”

To explain this, the researchers suggest that differently aged couples may be less resilient to relationship obstacles than similarly aged couples. However, other research suggests that age-gap couples who stay together experience less jealousy and exhibit a more unselfish form of love than age-similar couples.

Conclusion

Science reveals a strong evolutionary basis for the existence of age-gap relationships. Science also suggests that these sometimes socially taboo relationships are not without their unique set of challenges. But, when done right, they can be just as fulfilling and exhilarating as any other type of relationship.

Complete Article HERE!

Sex and the Aging Male

I’m receiving a startling number of correspondences lately from older men and their partners, highlighting the sexual difficulties of the aging process. It’s not surprising that these people are noticing the changes in their sexual response cycle as they age, but it is astonishing that they haven’t attributed the changes to andropause.

A Little Frustrated

Dr Dick,
I’m a 54-year-old man, who three years ago managed to finally come out and live the life I so desperately longed for all my life. My question: Is there a biological clock in men like women have to deal with in menopause? During the last years of my marriage, there was no sex life—other than with myself. Now I’m living a fantastic life, with a great man whom I love very much. I know there is more to life than sex, but now that I’m finally able to express myself physically with a ma, I am unable to perform—and not for lack of trying!

I tried Viagra a few years ago. It used to work maintaining an erection, but it was just by myself, and I always had fun. But the side effects—headaches and discomfort—made me wonder, “Do I really want to take this stuff?” But now, even the meds don’t help, and as for my libido, it suffers due to my lack of ability.

I’ve been tested for testosterone levels, and they say I’m right where I should be at for my age. I’ve seen two doctors about the issue, and when they find out my partner’s sex, they don’t want to deal with it, and seem to just pass it off as an age thing. (BTW: I’m in fairly decent shape; I exercise three to four days a week at the gym.) Can you send me any advice on a path to take?
—A Little Frustrated

A little frustrated? Holy cow, darlin’, you sound a lot frustrated—and rightfully so! You finally find what’s been missing your whole life, only to discover that your plumbing is now giving out on you. Ain’t that a bitch!

And before I continue, I want to tell you and all the other alternative lifestyle people in my audience: Don’t settle for a sex-negative physician—no matter what. Find yourself a sex-positive doctor who will look beyond your choice of partner; someone who will give you the respect you deserve!

Andropause

You raise an interesting question about the aging process when you ask if men experience something similar to menopause in women. The short answer is—you betcha! In fact, it even has a name: andropause. It’s only been recently that the medical industry has started to pay attention to the impact that changing hormonal levels have on the male mind and body. Most often andropause is misdiagnosed as depression and treated with an antidepressant. WRONG!

All men experience a decrease in testosterone, the “male” hormone, as they age. This decline is gradual, often spanning 10 to 15 years. While the gradual decrease of testosterone does not display the profound effects that menopause does, the end results are similar.

And listen: When a physician says that your testosterone level falls within “an acceptable range,” he/she isn’t telling you much. Let’s just say you had an elevated level of testosterone all your life, ’til now. Let’s say that you now register on the lower end of “acceptable.” That would mean that you’ve had a significant loss in testosterone. But your doctor wouldn’t know that, because he/she has no baseline for your normal testosterone level.

There is no doubt that a man’s sexual response changes with advancing age and the decrease of testosterone. Sexual urges diminish, erections are harder to come by, they’re not as rigid, there’s less jizz shot with less oomph. And our refractory period (or interval) between erections is more elongated, too.

Andropausal men might want to consider Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT). Just know that most medical professionals resist testosterone therapy. Some mistakenly link Testosterone Replacement Therapy with prostate cancer, even though recent evidence shows prostatic disease is estrogen-dependent rather than testosterone-dependent. I encourage you to be fully informed about TRT before you approach your new sex-positive doctor, because the best medicine is practiced collaboratively—by you and your doctor.

Finally, getting the lead back in your pencil, so to speak, may simply be an issue of taking more time with arousal play. Don’t expect to go from zero to 60 in a matter of seconds like you once did. Also, I suggest that you use a cock ring. But most of all, fuckin’ relax, why don’tcha already? Your anxiety is short-circuiting your wood, my friend. And only you can stop that.

Here’s Gwen, who reports on her husband’s condition:

Dr Dick, My husband and I have been married for 33 years. Our relationship is hell when it comes to sex. My husband is overweight, and he’s stressed out about his elderly parents. Sex is non-existent. He never was the instigator in our relationship. And he is the kind of guy who thinks having sex on the couch as opposed to the bedroom is adventuresome. He has become so boring. I don’t believe the man feels sex should be that important at our ages. (I’m 57 and he’s 62) I, on the other hand, am more sexually aroused and creative than ever now that I am more mature and the kids are out of the house. Menopause and all the sex on the Internet helps too. 😉 Is there anything I can do to make my man return to being a healthy sexual being once again? Thank you.

No—thank you, Gwen. Your complaint is a familiar one. So familiar, in fact, that I regularly offer therapy groups for couples in long-term relationships, like you and your old man, who have, for one reason or another, hit a wall when it comes to their sex lives.

I’m sad to say there’s not much you can do to beef up your sex life if there’s no interest on the part of your husband to do so. I mean, you can lead the horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. You confide that you husband is overweight and stressed; not a happy combination when it comes to his sexual response cycle, even if we don’t factor in his age. In fact, your husband sounds like a heart attack waiting to happen. Perhaps if your challenged him about his general health—encourage weight loss and stress reduction—you might find that it might also reignite his sex drive. It’s worth a try.

And thank you for mentioning menopause. So many women find the changes that take place in midlife confusing and disorientating. It’s so good to hear from someone eager to explore and enjoy her sexuality post-menopause.

It’s clear that as we age, both women and men need more time and stimulation to get aroused. The slower, more sensuous foreplay that often results is a welcome change for most women and even some men. Increased focus on sensuality, intimacy, and communication can help a sexual relationship remain rewarding even well into our most senior years. If your husband is avoiding intercourse, there still many ways of expressing your love and staying connected:

Hugging, cuddling, kissing
Touching, stroking, massage, sensual baths
Mutual masturbation and oral sex

However, if your husband is more wedded to food and to stress than he is to you, and if he continues to refuse to join you in finding an appropriate outlet for your sexual frustration, then it’s up to you to make this happen on your own. Age 57 is way too soon to say goodbye to your sex life.

May I suggest joining a women’s group? Not a therapy group, but more of a support group or activities group. Getting out of the house, involving yourself with other self-actualized mature women, may uncover the secret solutions other women have put in place to find sexual satisfaction when they are without a partner or have a partner who’s no longer interested in them. I think you will be surprised by how creative your sisters can be. Make it happen, Gwen. Don’t sink to the lowest common denominator of living a sexless life.

Good luck!

The book on erotica

— Sharing erotica stories can be a way for older couples to rekindle the romantic spark.

By

Many adults continue to enjoy active sexual lives well into their 70s and beyond. However, it’s common for couples to fall into ruts. One way to spice things up — and perhaps strengthen your relationship in the process — is to read erotica together.

“Reading and listening stimulates your largest sexual organ: your brain,” says Dr. Sharon Bober, director of the Sexual Health Program at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. “Reading erotica as a couple creates a safe environment to communicate desires and explore fantasies together. You are allowing yourself to go to an exciting place that feels outside your comfort zone, and it can be a wonderful way to break up your bedroom routine.”

What’s in a name?

Erotica is not the same as pornography. Whereas pornography is primarily visual and not very creative, erotica can be more evocative and verbal and allow you to participate mentally and emotionally.

“Erotica is about stimulating sexual desire through storytelling, imagery, fantasy, and language,” says Dr. Bober. “It’s about setting a mood and slowly building a response. Ultimately erotica is focused on building arousal and anticipation.”

How should couples begin to explore erotica? Dr. Bober says the first step is to broach the topic with your partner. “It’s rarely a good idea to suddenly surprise your partner with something that might feel a little uncomfortable or outside of one’s regular comfort zone,” she says. “Phrase it in terms of how it’s something you want to try together and ask your partner whether this is something they would be interested in. And ask your partner to share their thoughts about it.”

For instance, say, “I want to find ways to reconnect that feel good for both of us, and here is something that might be fun to explore together. Is it okay to talk about it?” You can slowly approach the topic without intimidating your partner by asking for permission. “In this way, erotica can feel less taboo and something more normal, fun, and healthy to try,” says Dr. Bober.

Checking out a reading list

Next, choose erotica to sample together. Erotica is more popular than ever, and older adults have become a growing demographic. Nowadays there now are many erotic novels, erotica-focused websites, and short story anthologies available that cater specifically to older adults. (You can find a wide editorial selection with a general Internet search and via websites for publishing houses and booksellers.)

“One aspect of the erotica experience can be discovering different types and styles together to see what you both enjoy or find interesting to explore,” says Dr. Bober.

She suggests beginning by reading a short story together. “Have one person read aloud, or take turns, or just read to yourselves and then share your response,” says Dr. Bober. “Short stories are ideal because if it’s something you or your partner don’t find stimulating or interesting, you can go to the next one.” Another option is to listen to an erotic audiobook or podcast together.

Keep in mind that it may take time to find something you both enjoy. “Be patient and don’t get discouraged if nothing clicks right away,” says Dr. Bober.

As you become more comfortable, sharing erotica can carry over to your sexual relationship, but don’t force it. “Erotica can be used as foreplay or just something enjoyable you share together without any expectations,” says Dr. Bober. “Have fun with it and see where it takes you.”

Complete Article HERE!

Are You Adrift in a Sexless Relationship?

— People in their 50s are having less sex than they’d like. Here’s how to turn things around

By Ken Budd

Steve Walsh and his wife, Linda (not their real names), last had sex in 2012. The Walshes married in 2003, raised three children in western Washington state and shared a deep Christian faith. Still, numerous challenges made their bedroom a no-sex zone. Linda survived breast cancer, but the medications lowered her libido. Steve also believes she suffers from undiagnosed depression. Over time their relationship deteriorated, and their sex life ended. The couple are now divorcing.

Steve, 58, is nervous about dating yet eager to end 10 years of agonizing celibacy. “I want so badly to have that closeness with someone,” he says. “I dream about it.”

A surprisingly high percentage of people in their 50s are living sexless lives — and the number is growing. In 2018, 20 percent of Americans ages 50 to 59 hadn’t had sex in the past year. By 2022, the number was 30 percent, according to data from the biannual General Social Survey (GSS), conducted by the University of Chicago’s National Opinion Research Center. How bad is that? The sexless rate was just under 10 percent for Americans ages 40 to 49 and around 12 percent for those 30 to 39.

Even sexually active 50-somethings aren’t necessarily satisfied, according to a new AARP study called “Ageless Desire: Sex and Relationships in Middle Age and Beyond.” Forty-three percent of people in their 50s are not having sex as often as they wish they were, the survey found.

Percentage of Americans 50–59 who aren’t having sex

Women

25% in 2016
41% in 2022

Men

15% in 2016
18% in 2022

Although the COVID pandemic didn’t ignite this trend, it did accelerate it, says Nicholas H. Wolfinger, who studies the GSS data as a professor of family and consumer studies and adjunct professor of sociology at the University of Utah. Why might this be? Gen Xers are facing multiple mojo-reducing challenges, including sandwich-generation stress and fatigue. Physical changes due to menopause or health issues such as high blood pressure and diabetes can wreak havoc on the libido. Renée Yvonne, a certified sex counselor in Washington, D.C., who specializes in Gen Xers, once dated a man with a low sex drive due to a drug he was taking. “I felt embarrassed because we’re taught that all men want sex,” she recalls. “I thought something was wrong with me.”

For singles, finding a partner in your 50s can feel like entering an alien universe. Just 23 percent of Americans in their 50s have ever used a dating website or app, and only 5 percent did so within the past year, according to a Pew Research Center study. “When we first started dating, there weren’t all of these apps,” Yvonne says. “Some people just say, ‘Why am I going through this?’ ”

But there is hope. To rev up your sex life, consider this advice from medical and psychological experts.

If your sex drive has diminished …

Call the doctor. Get a physical, and make sure any chronic ailments are under control. Don’t be shy about mentioning your libido. Women can talk to the gynecologist about treatments such as vaginal estrogen. “Dryness is an easily reversible condition,” says Jen Gunter, an ob-gyn in San Francisco and author of The Menopause Manifesto.

Lighten up. Being overweight can affect your sex drive physiologically and emotionally. Dissatisfaction with your looks “translates to low sexual self-esteem,” says Westchester County, New York, gynecologist Alyssa Dweck, chief medical officer with Bonafide Health and coauthor of The Complete A to Z for Your V.

Complete Article HERE!

The male menopause

— Genuine condition or moneymaking myth?

Late onset hypogonadism, sometimes likened to a ‘male menopause’, occurs in 2.1% of men who are almost exclusively over the age of 65.

Experts say there is no equivalent of the menopause for men and symptoms such as depression and low sex drive have other explanations

By

This week brought reports that “male menopause” policies are in place at several NHS trusts, with some HR managers suggesting staff could receive up to a year of sick pay if they experience symptoms. This is despite the NHS itself saying male menopause is not a clinical condition and that it is not national NHS policy to offer leave for it.

We take a look at the science behind the term.

What is meant by the “male menopause”?

The male menopause, also known as the andropause, is a term often used to refer to a cluster of features seen in some men in their late 40s to early 50s, such as depression, loss of sex drive, mood swings, erectile dysfunction, problems sleeping and loss of muscle mass.

However the NHS notes this is not a clinical condition. Rather, it says, it is an “unhelpful term sometimes used in the media”.

So this isn’t a male version of what women go through?

In a word, no.

Dr Ravinder Anand-Ivell, associate professor of endocrinology and reproductive physiology at the University of Nottingham and an expert of the European Academy of Andrology, says that the two are quite different.

“The menopause represents acute symptoms caused by the relatively abrupt cessation of ovarian hormonal function due to the exhaustion of a woman’s egg reserve at around 50 plus [or] minus five years of age,” she said. “Men have no equivalent physiology.”

Prof Richard Sharpe, an expert in male reproductive disorders from the University of Edinburgh, agreed.

“There is no question that, in normal men at the population level, blood testosterone levels decline with age from late 30s to early 40s onwards,” he said. “However, there is no precipitous fall in [blood testosterone] levels akin to that which occurs for estrogen levels in women at the menopause.”

Sharpe also stressed that some men may experience little blood testosterone decline when ageing. “It can be quite variable between individuals – unlike the 100% occurrence of menopause in women,” he said.

Does that mean the “male menopause” is made up?

Not exactly.

“There is a condition in some elderly men, known as ‘late onset hypogonadism’ or more recently called ‘functional hypogonadism’, which is characterised by low concentrations of testosterone in the blood together with symptoms of testosterone deficiency such as loss of libido, bone and muscle weakness, etc,” said Anand-Ivell.

But, she added, this occurs in approximately 2.1% of men, almost exclusively over the age of 65.

While some men with late-onset hypogonadism (LOH) may benefit from testosterone replacement therapy, its wider use has caused controversy. Some experts have raised concerns that it is being given to patients who have some similar symptoms to LOH but may have blood testosterone levels within the normal range for that age group.

“This is what I refer to as a ‘charlatan’s charter’; as such, general symptoms will occur in most men during – and before – ageing, but are almost always driven by other factors,” said Sharpe.

So what is behind this cluster of symptoms?

Anand-Ivell said men who reported sudden symptoms, and at a younger age, might well be experiencing another underlying health problem.

Indeed, as the NHS notes, features that have been ascribed to a “male menopause” could be down to lifestyle factors or psychological problems.

“For example, erectile dysfunction, low sex drive and mood swings may be the result of stress, depression [or] anxiety,” the NHS says, adding other causes of erectile dysfunction include smoking or heart problems.

Financial and life worries may also play a role in the symptoms some men experience during ageing, as could poor diet, lack of sleep and low self-esteem, the NHS notes.

Sharpe added that conditions such as obesity, and its downstream disorders, were also generally associated with lower blood testosterone levels in men, with some arguing it might predispose them to further weight gain.

As for treatment, Prof Frederick Wu of Manchester Royal Infirmary said the approach was threefold: “Lifestyle change, weight loss and improve general health,” he said.

Why is the male menopause getting attention?

Experts say a key reason the “male menopause” is a hot topic is money.

Anand-Ivell said: “A lot of the ‘andropause’ literature stems from commercial interests, particularly in the USA, wishing to draw spurious comparisons with the female menopause in order to sell testosterone-related products for which there is no clinical evidence of benefit.”

The latest headlines, meanwhile, have been fuelled by the revelation that male menopause policies are in place at several NHS trusts. Sharpe said: “For myself, I am amazed that any health board would even talk about there being an andropause, let alone suggesting time off.”

Complete Article HERE!