Category: Menopause

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Having an Amazing Sex Life During and After Menopause

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When cartoonist Sharon Rosenzweig was 45 and going through a divorce, she felt the pressure to meet someone new right away. “By the time I’m in my fifties,” she remembers thinking, “I’m going to be so old, I won’t even be interested in sex anymore.” She had this idea that menopause would eradicate her sex drive.

Turns out, she was wrong. She met the man who would become her second husband in the middle of menopause and was surprised to find her sex drive was still quite active. But she did have things to figure out, namely vaginal dryness, a common issue of menopausal and post-menopausal individuals.

Her doctor prescribed her estriol cream and it has made all the difference. For Sharon, sex is now better post-menopause. “I’m surprised how [my body] keeps getting more responsive. Orgasms are longer and more powerful than they used to be. I don’t know if that is me being more comfortable, like being older actually helps, or if it’s this cream or it’s just having figured out a little bit more.”

By the way, estriol cream can be expensive. Sharon recommend looking into https://www.womensinternational.com/contact/ — an affordable pharmacy that does mail order.

Sharon tells her story in the new comic collection Menopause: A Comic Treatment. The embedded video is a promotion for the collection and tells Sharon’s story.

Sharon’s story is not uncommon. MaryJane Lewitt, PhD, RN, CNM, FACNM, is a nurse, midwife, and qualitative researcher who studies the sexuality of post-menopausal individuals. She is finding that, like Sharon has discovered, post-menopause is a time of life where many folks are able to prioritize their own sexuality and overall quality of life.

I interviewed MaryJane about her research. Below, you’ll find tips on navigating sex, relationships, and a holistic sexual self during and post-menopause from MaryJane and Sharon.

But first, a note on the gendered terms used in this article. Since MaryJane’s research has focused primarily on cisgender individuals born with vulvas, for this article, when I quote MaryJane, that’s who we are referring to; however, I hope anyone experiencing menopause can feel included.`

And actually, much of the advice is applicable to anyone in their later years regardless of gender, because much of the changes related to aging aren’t just about menopause. This is really about embracing your whole self through all of life’s changes.

1. Redefine Your Sexual Self

Many aspects of aging can impact one’s sexual desires and goals. You may experience changes in your relationships and your lifestyle, along with physical changes. Menopause (and aging in general) will bring changes to the texture, tone and sensitivity of your skin, including your erogenous zones. You’ll also experience changes to your body hair and natural lubrication.

Combined, these changes can impact what you find pleasurable, as well as how you view yourself as a sexual being. “Women have to deal with the way their body is now versus their expectation of who they were sexually before,” MaryJane said.

What’s important to remember is that these changes do not have to stop you from being a satisfied sexual being, they may just change what that means. And it does not need to be the same as what it was before or what it means to your neighbor.

“Every woman defines what her ideal sexual state is and what her own personal sexuality can be,” MaryJane explained. “It’s not the same for every single individual. Some people want to make sure that they continue sexual intimacy in their lives. Other women don’t necessarily need sexual intimacy in their lives for them to be sexual creatures.”

2. Schedule Time To Talk to Your Healthcare Provider About Sex

“One thing I’m hearing over and over again is that conversations about sexuality with healthcare providers — even OBGYNs, nurse practitioners and midwives — are not happening at the frequency that most patients’ desire.”

These conversations can be uncomfortable for both parties involved, and often, neither the provider nor the patient wants to initiate.

Another reason these conversations aren’t happening is that people assume that the problems they’re facing with their sex life can’t be helped. MaryJane explained this isn’t necessarily true: “A lot of things are starting to become available to women for addressing different elements of their sexuality.”

For instance, during menopause, the body produces less natural lubrication and some over-the-counter lubricants can dry out the skin even more and can aggravate the skin. Physicians can prescribe or offer suggestions for lubricants that will work better.

This is what Sharon experienced. She assumed her doctor would just suggest using generic OTC lubricant, but he was actually well-versed in this issue and had something better for Sharon to try (the estriol cream).

“You have to get past the embarrassment of saying what it is that you are having trouble with. I’ve known my doctor for 25 years, and it was really hard to bring up this topic of vaginal dryness and say those words to my doctor, even though he’s delivered babies,” she explained.

MaryJane recommends scheduling a specific appointment to talk about sex. “These take longer conversations with their healthcare providers to almost give women permission to explore different toys and really figure out what works best for them.”

To prepare for these appointments, she also recommends taking an inventory about what you want and what you’re experiencing. Here are examples of questions to ask yourself from MaryJane:

  • What are the things that you’ve tried to help improve your own personal satisfaction?
  • What are some of the things that have not worked?
  • When have you wanted to experience something different?
  • Was it related to desire? Was it related to something physical?
  • Were you having issues with urine leakage during intercourse which made you feel uncomfortable so you could not reach orgasm? Or was it a lack of that sensation?
  • Are you comfortable with masturbation?”

3. It’s Time to Play

If traditional sexual intimacy (penetrative sex and masturbation) is important to you, but you’re experiencing changes in what’s pleasurable, it’s time to play.

As you age, what feels good changes more quickly. “You’ve got to shift and adapt on a regular basis in order to continuously create those moments of pleasure and intimacy,” Maryjane explained.

To learn to shift and adapt, try new strategies in bed when alone and with partners, which will allow you to rediscover new avenues for pleasure and navigate your body’s changes.

As an example, let’s talk about orgasms. Per MaryJane, post-menopause, it can take people with vulvas longer to achieve orgasm, and the nature of the orgasms can change. “They have to either pregame with a lot more foreplay or different lubricants or, for the first time, they have to try more specific forms of external stimulation from the variety of toys out there.”

And play does not need to involve a partner. Want to really understand your body’s changes and get a sense of your sexual self? You’ll learn new things on your own and it’s good for you.

“Masturbation gives both short term and long term health benefits for women moving through the menopausal period,” MaryJane explained. “The act of masturbation itself increases circulation and lubrication and can maintain elasticity.”

4. Find Companions

Find folks you can open up to about changes to your body, your sex life, and your relationships. You might find that it’s a relief for them to open up as well. And if you’re dating and exploring, you might also find some partners-in-crime.

“Other women are your best allies,” Sharon explained. “They’re not your competitors, they’re your allies because they’re going to be out there dating and meeting people that they wind up not wanting to stick with, and they can pass them along. That’s what happened to me.” (Sharon was introduced to her second husband through a friend who’d dated him first.)

There’s no age limit on meeting new friends and lovers. There are rich opportunities through activity groups, alternative living communities, and more where older individuals are finding friendship and companionship. And people perimenopause are enjoying short-term or casual relationships perhaps more than they have in the past.

One dilemma, according to MaryJane, is that many older individuals were raised in cultures that did not encourage them to ask for what they need or be comfortable talking about sex or sexuality. This becomes a battle of habit and conditioning.

5. Consider The Opinion of Those Around You, But Live Your Own Life

After Sharon got divorced, she had to navigate dating with her teenage daughter in the house. She made the mistake of talking about moving for one potential partner without considering how it would affect her daughter. Here’s her advice for others navigating kids and dating: “I think it’s about being sensitive to what is going on with them. I missed it because my own needs were so central.”

It’s okay for your needs to be central; just be sensitive about how your own life changes affect those closest to you.

6. Be Proud

If you’ve gotten this far in the article, this issue is important to you, so let me leave you with one more thought. However you embrace this stage of life, you can set the example for future generations. You get to be a role model for younger folks like me on what it means to be vibrant and beautiful in the midst of life’s inevitable changes.

Here’s MaryJane: “There is a renaissance in terms of the sexuality of older women in the media right now. We’re seeing a lot of the women with dark gray or white hair — classic beauties — reassert themselves as very strong women at the end of their life. And they’re doing it from a sense of being alone or not having a partner, but their sexuality is very clear and very consistent in the images and in what they’re saying and what is coming forward from them.”

Case in point: about life at 59, author Gail Konop writes, “Contrary to the menopause myth, I am experiencing the sexiest, most vibrant, most intellectually and professionally fertile time of my life. Liberated from waiting for the next stage or event or person to define or save me, I am the leader of my own pod.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Having Regular Sex Can Delay Menopause

Women who have sex more than once a month go into menopause later. We asked ob-gyns to explain why this might be.

By Korin Miller

Having sex more often might cause you to reach menopause at a later age, according to an intriguing new study.

The new study, which was published in Royal Society Open Science, analyzed data from 2,936 women drawn from 11 waves of the Study of Women’s Health Across the Nation (a longitudinal study conducted in the US). Researchers discovered that women who said they had sex weekly were 28% less likely to go through menopause than women who had sex less than once a month.

“We noticed that in existing menopause literature, there was a trend of married women experiencing menopause later—which seemed weird to us,” Megan Arnot, the lead study author and a PhD candidate in evolutionary anthropology at University College London, tells Health. “Not many people had tried to explain this association, and I thought that perhaps it was adaptive in response to sexual frequency, so we decided to test that.”

Wait—what is menopause, exactly?

Menopause is a normal part of getting older. It specifically defines a point in time 12 months after a woman has her last period, according to the National Institute on Aging (NIA).  During the menopausal transition (aka perimenopause), which is the years leading up to menopause, a woman might experience changes in her period, hot flashes, moodiness, and other symptoms, as her body produces less estrogen. The average age a woman in the U.S. reaches menopause is 51.

Why might having more sex cause you to go through menopause at a later age?

The study didn’t explore this, but Arnot has some theories. “It might be that women who are perimenopausal don’t feel like having sex,” she says. But, she adds, “It might be that there’s a trade-off between continued ovulation and stopping.” In other words, if you’re not having sex, then you’re not going to get pregnant, Arnot points out, “so there’d be little point in maintaining ovulatory function.”

Ovulation also requires a lot of energy from the body, and that can lower immune function, says Arnot. “So there may be a point in life where it’s better off to stop ovulating and invest your energy elsewhere if you’re not going to have a baby (because you’re not having sex),” she says. 

RELATED: Can You Get Pregnant After Menopause? The Answer May Surprise You

So, can having more sex stave off menopause?

Not necessarily. Study co-author Ruth Mace, a professor of evolutionary anthropology at University College London, is quick to point out that this is a link—not proof that having sex in your forties and fifties will push back menopause. “We controlled for a wide range of variables, including estrogen hormone levels, smoking, and BMI, and the association remains, but that does not mean that sexual behavior necessarily delays menopause,” she tells Health.

Given that sex can change hormone levels, it’s possible that this is the case, she says. Or, she adds, “it could be a third variable, like other hormone levels that we did not have data on.”

But Mary Jane Minkin, MD, a clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology and reproductive sciences at Yale University Medical School (who was not involved in the new study), says she has “great doubts biologically” that having sex regularly would push back menopause. “The best correlation I know is family history—if mom and sisters went through menopause later, you will likely go through menopause later,” she tells Health.

However, Dr. Minkin says, it may simply be that women who go into menopause later feel more comfortable having sex in the time leading up to menopause. “Certainly the later one goes into menopause would imply there is more estrogen around to keep the vagina comfortable, and I unfortunately certainly see plenty of postmenopausal women unable to have sex because of vaginal dryness and pain,” she says.

There’s more to menopause than genetics, points out Christine Greves, MD, an ob-gyn at the Winnie Palmer Hospital for Women and Babies in Orlando, Florida (who was not involved in the study). “Just because your mother may have undergone menopause at a certain age, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll follow in those footsteps,” she tells Health. “There’s a lot we’re still trying to figure out about menopause and I think anything is possible.”

Having regular sex during the perimenopausal and menopausal period can also help make sex less painful with time because it helps keep the vagina open, she points out—so sex sessions on the regular certainly can’t hurt.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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We’re in Our 70s. This Is What Our Sex Life Is Like

“My sex life is better than at any other time, even during the ‘free love’ era of the 60s and 70s.”

by Mark Hay

Joel Kann, 70, knew he was aging when other grey-haired men started offering him their seats on the bus. Bonnie Nilsen, 71, knew it when she looked in the mirror one day and saw her mother. Still, neither of them ever felt old—like they’d gone through some major shift in their physical, mental, or sexual selves. But both say they’ve had people look at them, or hear their ages, and clearly instantly mentally write them off as desexualized beings.

That is not surprising given the fact that, for well over a century, American culture has embraced and perpetuated the idea that, as we age, our sexualities naturally wither away. As such, we rarely depict older people as sexual. When we do, it’s usually as a joke. The image of the sexless elder is so widespread that even medical professionals often omit older people in studies on sexuality and neglect to talk about sexual health during check ups. (Is it any wonder why STI rates among older adults are so high?) Perhaps the only time most people think about the intersection of sex and old age is viagra commercials—or when we hear reports about the (sadly common) phenomenon of elder caregiver and nursing home sexual abuse. And that is far from an affirming recognition of senior citizens’ sexual lives and selves.

As people age, their bodies usually do change in ways that affect sex. Those with penises tend to lose sensitivity. Their erections often get less firm and frequent and may take more stimulation to achieve or maintain, and their ejaculations are often weaker. Those with vaginas may take longer to get aroused and produce less natural lubrication, which can make sex less comfortable. Across the board, libidos tend to decrease and orgasms may feel less intense.

Non-sexual health conditions from arthritis to depression to heart disease can compound these issues, or lead to chronic pain, fatigue, or other symptoms that make sex difficult to have. Treatments for these conditions can likewise have side effects that take a toll on sex drive or capacity. On top of all of that, changes in skin appearance, muscle tone, and weight that often accompany aging can lead to body image issues that put a crimp in many people’s sexual confidence.

A few studies suggest that people aged 60 to 82 tend to engage in physical intimacy less often than their younger peers. Yet several studies also suggest that many older adults still have and value sex—some more than they did as middle-aged adults. Most sexually active seniors say the sex they’re having is as good as, if not better than, the sex they had earlier in life. (People often report they have more confidence and fewer distractions in life in general, freeing them up to truly focus on and enjoy sex.) Many older adults believe a vibrant sex life is important to their overall wellbeing. Quite a few also wish they could have more sex, and note that their sex lives are often limited not by health issues, but because they lack a partner.

In an effort to push back on the desexualization of older people, VICE recently spoke to Bonnie and Joel, who have been having sex with each other on and off since college and became a couple eight years ago, about how they navigate sex and sexuality in their 70s. Bonnie and Joel are the first to admit that they may not be typical seniors. The polyamorous and sexually adventurous couple recently had sex on camera for porn performer and producer jessica drake and sex educator Joan Price’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Senior Sex educational adult video. Yet for all that is unique about their story, it still touches on many experiences that will resonate with older adults of all stripes.

Bonnie: [When we first had sex in college,] we had this immediate connection—I don’t know what happened there. Part of it was sexual but there was something else going on there.

We actually only had sex twice [in college]: the one time at my apartment and the one time at your apartment when your wife was away. Our sex was the typical 20-year-olds looking at each other and ripping off each other’s clothes and falling off the bed [type of sex].

We stayed in touch on and off through the early 70s, but then lost track of each other.

Bonnie: In 2008 I put a couple of websites up about myself. I am a self-taught web developer. I guess he found me. [That fall I was 60 and] I went to the east coast for my father’s funeral and stayed at my brother’s house in New Jersey for a few weeks as we sorted through my parents’ house. And I invited Joel to come up. It was just immediate—I looked at him and said, “oh my god…”

Joel: I was living in North Carolina and she said, “do you want to come up and meet?” I thought really meet—go out for coffee. I showed up and she was standing outside with her overnight bag.

Bonnie: We’d already talked about getting a hotel room!

Joel: No, I don’t think so! And she jumped into my car with her bag and said, “Let’s go!”

Bonnie: We had one night together.

Joel: That was the first time that I had sex with you and you squirted. I’d never been with a women who squirted before. I was like, whoa, what’s this? I don’t know what it is, but it feels good.

Bonnie: Because Joel was still married, he backed off. He didn’t want to hurt his wife—totally understandable. He was, I think, kind of shocked that we had connected again. So for the next couple of years we stayed in touch on Facebook, writing emails to each other. Then in 2011, I was getting on with my life up in British Columbia and got a message from Joel saying, “Hey, would you be interested in going to a medical conference with me in Victoria, on Vancouver Island?”

Joel: I’d realized there was something there. I really liked her. My marriage was pretty much over. It was not an angry, terrible marriage. It had just died. I hadn’t had sex with my wife in almost 10 years. So I looked for a conference near her and Victoria was a close one. I said, let me see if she’ll come. We met up there and spent five days [together].

Bonnie: Which was amazing. We both fell in love again.

Joel: We met at the airport, went to the hotel lounge, said some nice things, then said, “okay, up to the room.” A soon as the door closed, clothes started coming off. We fucked over a chair by a window overlooking the parking lot and imagined that other people were looking at us.

We fucked twice that night, [then] once or twice a day [thereafter]. Bonnie started taking out lingerie and sex toys and rope and I said, “this is going to be interesting!” I ended up tying you to the rafters in the hotel room. [I was in my early 60s and] it was, I think, the first time I had anal sex in my life.

We both cried when we had to separate because we hadn’t really made any plans other than that. It was like: What are we going to do? This feels so good. We’re in love. Now I have to go back and decide if I’m going to leave my wife for you. And I eventually did. Then Bonnie eventually moved [to Raleigh, North Carolina] to be with me.

Bonnie: When we got back together [in 2008], our sex drive was good and the sex felt amazing. It still is. But it has changed.

I have had fibromyalgia for over 20 years and that hits you. You’re going through life in your 40s and suddenly [you feel like] you’re in your 80s. Everything hurts. If you turn or move too quickly, you’ll strain a joint. It can put me in bed for a day. But then get up the next day like, okay, here we go again.

Joel: As I’ve gotten older, I have joints that ache a bit more. I tend to ignore that. But certainly, I can’t perform on the same level as I did when I was younger. I’m not quite as acrobatic as I was.

And when you’re young, you can get several erections in a day, no problem. But as you get older, that gets to one a day, sometimes once every couple of days. If the stimulus is good, I can get them a couple times a day. But to ejaculate a couple times a day is rare. Sometimes [my erections] are a little soft, particularly if I’m using a condom or with new partners or having sex in public.

I’ve used Cialis and Viagra with new partners. But when Bonnie and I are together, I don’t have real problems [with erections]. Usually they are spontaneous, or [develop] with a little bit of stimulation.

will [sometimes] have an orgasm and no or little ejaculate will come out. [It’s called] retrograde ejaculation because of swelling in the prostate—the ejaculate goes into the bladder instead of out through the urethra. Then it slowly comes out the next couple of times you urinate. The first couple of times it happened, it was like, wow, what’s that?

Bonnie: My sexual desire is definitely lower than it was [as well]. I could have sex one time a week. But we usually wind up having sex two to three times a week. That’s usually because Joel approaches me. And that’s fine. I’m not being forced into it. I’m more like, oh, okay, this is fun.

Joel: Eight years ago, we were having sex every day, sometimes a couple of times a day. Even now that her libido has dropped a bit, Bonnie is still more sexual than any woman I’ve ever [been with], at any age.

Bonnie: I’ve been thinking lately that I hardly ever masturbate. I used to masturbate almost every day. If I reminded myself to masturbate more, it would probably get my sex drive up again.

Joel: I also enjoy when she masturbates, whether I’m there or not. Just hearing about it is a turn on.

Things are different. Sometimes it takes more planning to have sex. It’s not always spontaneous.

Bonnie: The biggest thing between us is that we communicate well and have a sense of each other.

Joel: She told me about her fibromyalgia and how when [an attack] hits you, you wouldn’t be sure whether you’d want me to touch you for a day—whether you’d want me to hold you or stay away. We talked about that a lot—how that doesn’t mean you’re rejecting me. She warned me when we got back together: “You’re starting a relationship with someone with chronic pain. Are you sure you know what you’re getting into?” As a physician, I’d dealt with people with chronic pain and chronic fatigue, but not personally—not on this level. So it was learning what to do, what works, what doesn’t work, and communicating a lot: “What position are you comfortable in? How are you feeling now compared to the last time we had sex? What are you up for? What are you not up for?”

Bonnie: For me, it’s been learning to say. “no, I’m not into it right now.” If Joel wants to have sex, I’d love to. But my body sometimes [doesn’t].

Joel: Or [she’ll say], “I need to be on my side.” Or, “I don’t know if I can be on top for long.”

I had to learn how to feel comfortable being the one who more often than not initiates sex, but [also to] not be afraid when she can’t or doesn’t want to [have sex]—to not take that personally. It helps that she has such a great libido and is so adventurous. It wasn’t like I wasn’t getting any sex.

Bonnie: We’ve basically tried everything. And we still do. Just a lot less [often than we used to]. We just recently went to a Halloween party in Durham. It was a BDSM party.

Joel: I tied her to a cross and flogged her in front of a bunch of people. And we were into swinging for a while. Then we got into polyamory—this fits us better, getting to know someone and bringing them into our lives rather than just a quick hookup and then never seeing people together again.

Bonnie: [I don’t have many sexual relationships with other people these days.] With fibromyalgia, it’s like: Here’s somebody else who’s going to have to learn what to do with my body. I don’t really want to get into that. But I’m fine with Joel having other partners.

Joel: My sex life is better than at any other time, even during the “free love” era of the 60s and 70s.

Bonnie: When you were hitchhiking and fucking everybody you met on the road.

Joel: [One thing we want to say to other older people is:] Don’t let preconceived notions define you. You don’t have to act a certain way just because you’re getting older. There are things that change. Try to understand, physiologically, what’s going on and how you can adapt to that.

If you can’t get an erection, there are many ways to please your partner. With your hands. With your mouth. You don’t have to concentrate on penis-in-vagina sex to have a good sex life.

Bonnie: People like us are out here saying, “you can still have a great sex life in spite of changes.”

Joel: In spite of aches and pains.

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Why painful sex can plague women at any age

By Erin Blakemore

Your brain may be ready for sex. But what if your body refuses to cooperate? Women desiring intimacy with their partner sometimes experience pain instead of pleasure. Painful intercourse can happen even without other health issues — and it’s more common than you might think.

In a nationally representative 2013 survey, 1 in 5 women reported vulvar pain or discomfort during sex in the previous 30 days, and about 30 percent of women in a similar 2012 survey reported pain during their most recent sexual contact. Sometimes the pain is brief. But in others, it’s persistent.

Painful sex, known medically as dyspareunia, can have a variety of causes. Most affect women of all ages, although some women experience its onset during or after menopause. A variety of conditions, including endometriosis and a thinning of the vaginal wall, can be to blame — and sometimes, the pain has no discernible cause.

The pain can range from the discomfort of vaginal dryness to painful pelvic contractions or burning vulvar pain during penetration. Physical causes range. A lack of arousal or low estrogen can cause vaginal dryness and soreness. Infections or inflammation can lead to painful contractions of the pelvic muscles or burning pain during penetration. Birth control pills have also been linked with vulvar pain and uncomfortable intercourse.

Endometriosis, which is thought to affect up to 11 percent of American women of reproductive age, can be the culprit. In a nationally representative 2012 survey, 29.5 percent of women with endometriosis reported dyspareunia, too. The condition, which causes the cells that line the inside of the uterus to grow in other parts of the body, can cause bleeding, stabbing pain or cramping that can last for days after sex.

Other women experience vulvodynia: genital pain that burns, stings or throbs and makes sex uncomfortable or impossible. Although it’s correlated with past vaginal infections and pelvic floor weakness, the disease is still not well understood and there is no known cause. Treatments range from psychological interventions to pelvic floor therapy and vestibulectomy, a surgery that removes painful tissue along the vestibule, which surrounds the openings of the vagina and urethra.

A history of sexual trauma is also linked to painful intercourse, including genito-pelvic pain or penetration disorder. Previously known as vaginismus, the condition can involve painful vaginal spasms when something enters the vagina and is thought to be caused by a fear of penetration.

For many women, painful sex begins with menopause. During menopause, the ovaries produce less estrogen, the hormone that helps ensure vaginal lubrication and keep the lining of the vagina flexible and thick. Decreased estrogen can cause painful dryness, thin the vaginal walls and even shrink vaginal tissue. Those changes are known as vaginal atrophy. Vaginal estrogen therapy can help; so can vaginal moisturizers and the use of silicone-based lubricants during sex.

Azmia Magane, a 34-year-old social worker from Orlando, experienced painful intercourse early in her marriage. A variety of symptoms made sex challenging and, often, impossible. During and after sex, pain would shoot through her abdomen or radiate from her bladder. Sometimes, uterine polyps led to painful bloating after sex. And vaginal dryness made seemingly pleasurable acts feel more like torture.

In Magane’s case, endometriosis, polyps and other chronic health challenges were to blame. Vaginal dryness was one of the biggest obstacles between her and physical intimacy with her new husband, she says. “It just feels like shards of glass,” Magane says. “It’s very, very uncomfortable.”

Painful intercourse can affect self-esteem, body image and relationships. But despite its prevalence and importance, says Leah Millheiser, its highly personal nature means it can go unspoken and untreated. Millheiser, a clinical assistant professor at Stanford University and director of the female sexual medicine program there, says social taboos can get in the way of diagnosis and treatment.

“Some people are just uncomfortable talking about that area,” she says.

No matter the cause, self-esteem and relationships can start to hurt along with sexual intercourse. In a 2014 survey, 58 percent of postmenopausal women with vaginal discomfort said they avoid intimacy; 78 percent of their male partners agreed. Thirty percent of women surveyed said vaginal pain caused them to stop having sex entirely.

“It has caused some strain on my relationship,” Magane says. “It can really destroy your self-confidence.”

Silence in the doctor’s office can make matters worse, delaying treatment or causing women to seek out unproven treatments on their own.

“[Doctors] need to learn to step outside of our comfort zone and really address the issue of sexual function with our patients,” Millheiser says.

The conditions that can make sex painful are common — vulvovaginal atrophy, for example, affects up to 50 percent of postmenopausal women. Yet only 7 percent of women receive treatment for the condition.

Women who experience uncomfortable sex may also feel uncomfortable bringing up their complaints during a routine appointment. Doctors can share that discomfort, or not think to ask about sexual health, Millheiser says.

They can also minimize or ignore symptoms of sexual pain. It can take years for patients to receive a diagnosis of conditions that affect sexual health; with endometriosis, for example, patients wait an average of 6.7 years.

That’s what happened to Magane, who experienced excruciating pain, unsympathetic providers, and a botched laparoscopy before she was diagnosed with endometriosis. She recommends that women look for sympathetic providers — and that they insist on answers.

“I know my body,” she says. “I am an expert in my body. [Doctors] may have a medical degree, but I’ve lived in my body for 34 years and I know what’s normal and what is not. Painful intercourse absolutely is not normal — sex shouldn’t hurt.”

Millheiser says women shouldn’t suffer in silence. Patients may not think painful sex is worth bringing up, or worry that they’ll offend their health-care provider by discussing sex.

These days, Magane supplements her treatment with meditation and yoga. She has found some relief through pelvic floor therapy, too. It’s a form of physical therapy that can reduce pelvic pain and make physical intimacy more pleasurable.

“I actually had my husband come to one of my appointments,” she says. “It kind of gave him a visual of what I was going through.”

Although her ordeal has been painful, she says it has reminded her that “intimacy is about more than intercourse. Continuing to nourish the other intimate aspects of your life is important.”

Nonetheless, she says, women should experience everything their bodies are capable of. “Sex is a really important part of the human experience,” she says.

Millheiser agrees. “Sexual health is as important as any other part of your health. It’s about relationships. It’s about self-esteem.”

And luckily, she says, “there are effective treatments out there.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Sex: Getting back in the saddle after a dry spell

What to do, what not to do, and what to stop worrying about

Let’s talk about sex.

More specifically, let’s talk about getting back in the groove after taking some time off. Becoming sexually active again after a dry spell can seem intimidating, confusing, or even embarrassing.

Whether the time away from the bedroom was the result of the passing of a partner, menopause, or just a natural decrease in libido, it’s easy to jump to imagining a world without any sex going forward.

But for older women who want more, a gap in sexual activity certainly doesn’t have to mark the end of the road.

Just because it’s been underrepresented in popular culture, assuming that older people aren’t interested in sex is incorrect. Indeed, it can be downright dangerous if the health concerns associated with sex aren’t addressed in people over a certain age.

For women, it can be especially embarrassing to try to discuss sexual health with doctors, but it’s important to engage in any sexual activity safely and healthily.

In a recent poll conducted by the University of Michigan Institute for Healthcare Policy and Innovation, 40% of people aged 65 to 80 said they’re sexually active, with plenty of older people reporting that sex has only gotten better as they’ve aged.

So what should older women keep in mind if they’re ready to jump back between the sheets?

As Dr. Kameelah Phillips, an obstetrician/gynecologist in New York, told Considerable, “It is important that women prepare themselves to have sex before jumping right in. Often menopause has changed the vagina, and sexual experiences can be uncomfortable. This discourages further exploration.”

Instead of becoming discouraged if sex is initially different than it was pre-menopause, Dr. Phillips recommends that older women take some time to become reacquainted with their bodies and their sexuality.

“I highly encourage women to use lubrication,” she said. “I especially like silicone or hybrid lubrications to decrease friction. I also encourage them to masturbate, [which] can be quite taboo in the senior population. This helps return blood flow to your pelvis, especially to the vagina and clitoris. It can also alert you to any narrowing the vagina has experienced. Self-pleasure also helps remind women that intimacy with a partner can be pleasurable.”

Dr. Anika Ackerman, a urologist in New Jersey, has a lot of older female patients who are sexually active. She has some recommendations about what to do when topical and over-the-counter lubricants aren’t cutting it.

“The tissues of the vagina are thinner after menopause when [women] no longer have the female sex hormones,” she explained to Considerable. “[This] can lead to pain with intercourse. Topical estrogen creams are helpful in these cases to revitalize vaginal tissues. We also have CO2 lasers for vaginal rejuvenation. These treatments, like the estrogen cream, increase vaginal lubrication, restore vaginal epithelium, and increase tissue thickness.”

Medical professionals acknowledged that many women’s libidos decrease after menopause — but they emphasized that sexuality doesn’t always switch on and off. As psychotherapist Jacob Brown told Considerable, “Just because [post-menopausal women] may not want to do it as often doesn’t mean [they] don’t want to do it at all.”

At any age, sex can be difficult to discuss, especially for people experiencing pain or discomfort. But as Brown put it, “Open and honest communication is the most effective tool for working through changes in sexual experiences as we age.”

And on the upside: A lot of insecurities of youth are long gone, and if an older person is revisiting sex with a partner they’ve been with for decades, they ideally have the advantage of years of trust built with that person.

And though pregnancy is no longer an issue after menopause, it’s important for older people to remember to practice safe sex and use protection if they have a new partner or partners. The risk of STDs and STIs is still very much present — in fact, these diseases are rampant in assisted-living facilities.

Sex is a healthy and fulfilling part of many older people’s lives. While navigating new physical challenges like achy joints or decreased libido might make sexual activity trickier than it was in younger years, these hurdles don’t mean that a fulfilling sex life has to be a thing of the past.

Communication about any aches or concerns with both a doctor and one’s sexual partner is key, and will lead not only to healthier sex, but a better experience for both parties involved.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Puberty for the Middle-Aged

Forty-five-year-old women need a version of “the talk,” because our bodies are changing in ways that are both really weird and really uncomfortable.

By Lisa Selin Davis

If only, on your 45th birthday, a doctor would sit you down, look you squarely in the eyes and say, “Here’s what’s going to happen: Eventually, your pubic hair is going to thin out everywhere but on the bikini line, exactly the opposite of what you’ve always wanted. The fat on your body will redistribute so that each of your thighs is the shape of Grimace, the McDonald’s blob monster. You will develop those wings of loose skin below your arms. You just will, no matter what you do. Also: Everything about your periods will change. They may become shorter, more frequent, more painful. And they’ll just get weirder until they desist.”

If only, in other words, someone told you, “You need to really prepare, emotionally and physically, for middle age.”

But of course, no one does.

We put a lot of time and effort into preparing teenagers for what changes puberty will wreak, but for women, midlife brings another kind of puberty — perimenopause, a road that we in our 40s navigate blind, without enough information from our doctors or often other women, wondering in silent shame at the intensity and seeming endlessness of the changes.

What is perimenopause, you might be asking? For one thing, it’s a term so underused that Microsoft’s word-processing program is telling me it’s not a word, a term that was new to many when Gwyneth Paltrow uttered it last month in a Goop video. “Peri” is Greek for “near,” and menopause is the ceasing of menstruation. So perimenopause is all the crazy stuff that happens on the way to that cessation.

We need to have The Talk, but for 45-year-olds. Doctors should speak to their patients about the changes that could lie ahead and how to prepare for them. And we perimenopausal women need to talk to one another, and the rest of the world, about what’s happening. Because a lot of it, to me, is really weird, really surprising and really hard to sit comfortably through, from the stray chin hair — O.K., hairs — to the decreasing bone density. Some 40 percent of women have interrupted sleep during perimenopause. Between 10 percent and 20 percent have mood swings. Some have uterine bleeding or vaginal dryness and even that hallmark of actual menopause, hot flashes.

My desire to know the full story goes beyond my health: How am I going to make jokes about these symptoms if I don’t know what they are? (I will always fondly recall Joan Rivers joking about the surprising number of things that sag as you age, starting with your genitals

Recently I asked friends on Facebook what no one had told them about middle age. No post of mine has ever garnered so many responses, so equally divided between sad and funny. Or both.

There are the physical issues — the random acne, the skin tags, the cough that causes a little bit of pee, the long recovery time from minor injuries and how easy it is to get those injuries. “Doing something really banal like reaching for the remote can put my back out and leave me wailing like a child for a day,” one friend wrote.

And then there are the emotional issues: How will I feel differently about myself as my hormonal profile shifts, as I lose estrogen in the years just before my young children surge with it?

The Talk doesn’t have to be all bad. Among the things my Facebook friends noted was that they felt better and stronger than they did in their 20s and 30s, and that they had become much less vain. One friend wrote, “I prioritize the things that are important to me and people I care about.”

She has arrived at the still-mythical (to me) moment when people stop caring so much what others think, the beginning of the upswing of the U-shaped happiness curve, which shows that people get happier as they grow old (often the 40s are the curve’s nadir). Older people are the bearers of wisdom earned by their years, or by the sheer fatigue that has overtaken them, forcing them to pick their battles more carefully. Along with those chin hairs, solace may come.

So your doctor might also say, “You will most likely find that you no longer sweat the small stuff (except at night, when you will sweat uncontrollably), that you care less about the approval of others and feel less attached to an iteration of your life that you haven’t achieved. And invisibility is a superpower that can be used to your advantage.”

If your doctor won’t go there, you can take it from me.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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For Menopause Sex Discomfort, Gel Worked as Well as Estrogen

Study find gels worked as well as prescription hormone tablets at reducing symptoms of menopause-related sexual discomfort.

By Lindsey Tanner

[I]n a study of women with menopause-related sexual discomfort, gels worked as well as prescription hormone tablets at reducing symptoms.

The researchers say the results suggest low-cost, over-the-counter moisturizers might be the best option.

Most women in the study reported some relief from their most bothersome symptoms — painful intercourse, vaginal dryness or itching — regardless of treatment. Still, not quite half the women experienced what researchers considered a meaningful decline in symptom severity.

The problems are linked with declining levels of the hormone estrogen, which happens to all women when they reach menopause.

What baffles researchers is why only about half of women experience bothersome symptoms. Without that answer, pinpointing the cause and finding the perfect solution is difficult, said Dr. Caroline Mitchell, the study’s lead author and a researcher at Massachusetts General Hospital.
Continue reading the main story

“Until we know why, our treatments are really just pretty broad attempts,” Mitchell said. “We’re not targeting the true biological root cause.”

Researchers enrolled 300 women at a Kaiser Permanente research institute in Seattle and at the University of Minnesota. Women were randomly assigned to one of three treatments: prescription vaginal estrogen tablets and a gel with inactive ingredients; placebo tablets and Replens over-the counter moisturizer; or placebo tablets and the inert gel. Treatment lasted 12 weeks.

The results were published Monday in JAMA Internal Medicine. The National Institutes of Health paid for the study and the researchers have no financial ties to the products studied.

A journal editorial says there have been few similar studies and most were too small to reach conclusive results.

The latest results show that prescription treatment that can cost $200 is no better than over-the-counter moisturizers costing less than $20. The researchers noted that some women may prefer tablets to creams, which can be messy, but the extra money won’t buy extra relief.

Women with troublesome symptoms “should choose the cheapest moisturizer or lubricant available over the counter — at least until new evidence arises to suggest that there is any benefit to doing otherwise,” the editorial said.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The nitty-gritty of middle-age sex

‘It’s good to experiment’

By Alana Kirk

[I]f you are drinking your morning coffee while reading this, then perhaps this article should come with a warning. There are going to be phrases that we tend not to discuss much in public such as vaginal dryness, loss of libido and erectile dysfunction. However, they are a natural part of life, and if we want to continue to be active sexual people well into middle age and beyond, then we have to acknowledge and then address them, because turning the trials and tribulations of middle-age sex into the joy of sex is not difficult.

Sex is important to all of us, regardless of age. Not only is it excellent for getting the blood pumping and putting a youthful spring in your step, it has a number of other benefits too, such as reducing stress, strengthening your immune system, boosting self-esteem, and relieving depression.

The famous manual, The Joy of Sex, still has some salient advice for middle- aged and older people even though it was written nearly 50 years ago. It’s author Alex Comfort wrote: “The things that stop you enjoying sex in an old age are the same things that stop you from riding a bicycle – bad health, thinking it’s silly and no bicycle”.

Well, we can pump up a flat tyre, add some lubricating oil, and still be having sexual enjoyment with no partner. As recent research has shown, and despite an ageist societal view on the topic, our sexuality doesn’t die with middle and growing age. Our sexual needs and levels evolve and change over the years, and the particular issues that might arise from menopause, for example, do not mean we should give up on it. We just need to learn to adapt.

Emily Power Smith may be Ireland’s only clinical sexologist, and talks to large numbers of middle-aged women in her clinics and at talks around the country. “I’ve spoken and written more on this topic than any other related to sex, and the main driver for women coming to me with an issue is poor education. Generally women are very misinformed about what they should be expecting and are very quick to blame themselves.”

If we look at sexual activity as a life-long issue, there can be plenty of interruptions to the normal flow, including illness, childbirth and child rearing, loss of confidence, menopause, and hormonal fluctuations. Low libido, erectile dysfunction, and vaginal dryness are all just normal challenges that can affect our sexual lives, but importantly, ones that can be easily addressed.

“We do specific menopause consultations and counselling for women who start experiencing changes and want to know that they are a normal part of the ageing process,” says Dr Shirley McQuade, medical director of the Dublin Well Woman Centre. “Many women come in with a specific symptom thinking it’s all over, but in fact nearly all issues can be addressed. You just need to realise that your, and your partner’s body changes.”

So what are the main issues and what can be done about them?

Peri-menopausal symptoms

Menopause can effect every aspect of your being, and symptoms including hot flushes, not sleeping, and poor concentration levels, can affect how you feel about yourself.

“Hormonal changes can mean your libido and sex drive go, as well and the emotional havoc they can play,” explains Dr McQuaid. Mood swings, empty nest syndrome, trying teenagers, or work/life balance can weigh in to make us feel less than energetic about sex.

“It is really important to take the time for yourself when you are peri-menopausal, to take stock and adjust to the changes that are happening. I see lots of women who have reached senior career level or have lots of people depend on them and it can be difficult because they feel overwhelmed and aren’t giving enough time to themselves to deal with how they feel.”

The advice is to take pressure off yourself, and try and cull some of the responsibilities. Exercise, eat and sleep well and acknowledge that you can seek help if you need it. “I’ve seen women go to cardiologists because they think they have heart problems when they wake up sweating in the night, or go to rheumatologists with joint pain, when in fact they are just the symptoms of hormonal change.”

Hormone Replacement Therapy

HRT is a common treatment for women who are suffering from continued and difficult symptoms, and it only takes two or three weeks to find out if it will work for you. According to the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NicE) in their 2015 recommendations, the benefits of HRT, available in tablet form, gels, and patches far outweigh any risks.

According to Dr McQuaid, it is a positive option to take. “About 15 years ago there were scares about risks relating to heart disease and cancer, but the studies were seriously flawed. For women who take it through their 50s, the benefits are significant.”

HRT is available for as long as your symptoms last, with the average duration being eight years. Despite scaremongering to the contrary, there are no withdrawal symptoms or problems when you stop taking the drug, as long as you leave it long enough for your natural menopause to conclude. HRT masks the symptoms, so if you stop before they have fully receded, they will return.

Not all women experience menopausal symptoms, and for women who do, they do eventually pass.

Vaginal dryness

It is completely normal for most women in menopause to experience dryness. The drop in your body’s oestrogen levels means the vaginal membranes become thinner and drier which can makes for uncomfortable dryness. As a result, thrush and Urinary Tract Infections (UTI) are also more common. Lubrication is widely available and will transform your sexual experience if dryness is a problem. Dr McQuaid also recommends treating the underlying issue rather than just the symptom. A prescription product, licensed in Ireland as Vagifem, provides low levels of oestrogen to the local area, and if taken over the longer term can alleviate all symptoms of dryness. Regular sexual activity or stimulation from masturbation also promotes vaginal health and blood flow.

Erectile dysfunction

For men who may identify their every maleness with work and sexual ability, a lowering of libido or erectile dysfunction can be catastrophic. However, accepting that this will happen occasionally, and seeing it a normal part of the ageing process and hormonal changes may encourage them to seek help. The advice is to go to your GP to get checked out to make sure erectile dysfunction is not related to vascular changes and bold pressure / diabetes, and then again there is a simple medication solution.

Painful intercourse

Again this can be a common change in sexual experience, usually due to vaginal dryness. However, other reasons could be a prolapse of the uterus or front wall of vagina which can cause discomfort, so the first port of call for any pain is to get examined by your GP or at the Well Women clinics. All issues can be addressed with medication or procedures.

Heavy periods

A common complaint for women entering peri-menopause is very heavy periods, which are caused by the womb being uncomfortable and bulky. Some women from the age of 40 develop fibroids which make the womb heavier and along with hormonal fluctuations, combine to make structural and hormonal changes that affect the flow of periods. Some women have low iron levels, because heavy periods are the main reason for low iron which makes you tired, so it’s important to keep a medical check on your body while going through the menopause.

Traditionally this was often treated by a hysterectomy, whereas today women can access the pill or coil. All countries where the coil has been introduced have seen a significant reduction in hysterectomy operations.

Change of mind

Addressing specific symptoms is only one way of evolving our sexual lives. Changing the way we have sex is another. “I meet women who have only ever used one position, and now that that proves painful they are at a loss,” explains Dr McQuaid. “It’s useful to experiment and change. It’s more interesting too!”

What we need to remember is that sex is not just about intercourse. There is a variety of sensual, loving, exciting activities that can bring joy and satisfaction. For women experiencing menopause especially, they might need and want more touching and foreplay than before, but after years of marriage, it can be more difficult to change. Asking for what you need is important. Tantric sex – slightly ridiculed in the press after Sting and Trudie Styler admitted to it – is encouraged by many counsellors as it focuses on the sensual intimacy rather than an orgasmic goal.

Whatever the issue with sex may be, Dr McQuaid advises you start with a medical to check to make sure everything is okay. Once that is done, it’s just about dealing with specific issues. “I’ve had a 78-year-old woman come to me recently having a little bit of trouble because her partner has been given Viagra. So she went on Vagifem and has no more problems,” says McQuaid. “I have lots of women come to us for help and they’re happy and healthy and they certainly don’t stop having a sex life. Nor should they.”

Psychologically however, it is also important to rise above the social conditioning that we lose our sexiness as we get older. “There is just no scientific evidence to back this up,” explains Power Smith. “Irish women are very quick to blame themselves and feel guilty for not being better, not feeling enough or good enough. In part we are brought up to feel this way with magazines and media, and then when middle age hits, physical things happen to compound that.” She has three golden rules for women in their middle age with regards to keeping their sex lives healthy and functioning: masturbation, lubrication and communication.

So while the number of potential causes of sexual changes and challenges during menopause and middle ageing can seem overwhelming, there are just as many strategies and treatments for overcoming them.

You can go back to drinking your coffee now.

Complete Article HERE!

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Better Sleep Could Mean Better Sex for Older Women

By Robert Preidt

A more satisfying sex life may be only a good night’s sleep away for women over 50, new research finds.

Researchers led by Dr. Juliana Kling of the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale, Ariz., tracked data from nearly 94,000 women aged 50 to 79.

The investigators found that 31 percent had insomnia, and a little more than half (56 percent) said they were somewhat or very satisfied with their sex life.

But too little sleep — fewer than seven to eight hours a night — was linked with a lower likelihood of sexual satisfaction, the findings showed.

“This is a very important study since it examines a question which has tremendous potential impact on women’s lives,” said Dr. Jill Rabin, who reviewed the findings. She’s co-chief of the Women’s Health Program at Northwell Health in New Hyde Park, N.Y.

Age played a key role in outcomes. For example, the study found that older women were less likely than younger women to be sexually active if they slept fewer than seven to eight hours per night.

Among women older than 70, those who slept fewer than five hours a night were 30 percent less likely to be sexually active than women sleeping seven to eight hours, Kling’s team found.

The findings highlight how crucial sleep is to many aspects of women’s health, medical experts said.

“Seven hours of sleep per night will improve sexual satisfaction and has been shown to increase sexual responsiveness,” said Dr. JoAnn Pinkerton, executive director of The North American Menopause Society.

Besides putting a damper on sex lives, she said, poor sleep is also tied to an array of health issues, such as “sleep apnea, restless legs syndrome, stress and anxiety.” Other health problems linked to insomnia include “heart disease, hypertension [high blood pressure], arthritis, fibromyalgia, diabetes, depression and neurological disorders,” Pinkerton added.

Dr. Steven Feinsilver directs sleep medicine at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City. He reviewed the new findings and stressed that they can’t prove cause and effect. “It certainly could be possible that many underlying problems — for example, illness, depression — could be causing both worsened sleep and worsened sex,” he noted.

Rabin agreed, but said there’s been “a paucity of studies” looking into links between sleep and sexual health, especially during menopause.

“We know that obstructive sleep apnea and sexual dysfunction are positively correlated,” she said. “Other factors which may lead to a decreased sleep quality include: a woman’s general health; various life events, which may contribute to her stress; chronic disease; medication; and degree and presence of social supports, just to name a few,” Rabin explained.

And, “in menopause, and due to the hormonal transition, women may experience various symptoms which may impact the duration and quality of their sleep patterns,” Rabin added.

We and our patients need to know that quality sleep is necessary for overall optimum functioning and health, including sexual satisfaction, and that there are effective treatment options — including hormone therapy — which are available for symptomatic women,” she said.

The study was published online Feb. 1 in the journal Menopause.

Complete Article HERE!

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What getting intimate at 60 really means

Most people assume getting saucy under the sheets it just for the young, but what about the young at heart?

By Ashley Macleod and Marita McCabe

[S]exuality encompasses sex, gender identities and roles, sexual orientation, eroticism, pleasure, intimacy and reproduction and what we think, feel and believe about them. It has been a research focus for over a hundred years, and highlighted as an important part of the human experience. Since the first studies on human sexuality in the 1940s, research has consistently demonstrated that sexual interest and activity are sustained well into old age. However, only a fraction of the research has explored sexuality in the later years of life.

Most of the early research on sexuality and ageing looked at the sexual behaviours and biology of older adults, generally ignoring the wider concept of sexuality. When researchers did discuss sexuality more broadly, many referred to sexuality as the domain of the young, and emphasised this was a major barrier to the study of sexuality in older adults.

Sexuality in later life ignored

Towards the end of the 20th century, research expanded to include attitudes towards sexual expression in older adults, and the biological aspects of sexuality and ageing. Consistently, the research showed sexual expression is possible for older adults, and sustained sexual activity into old age is more likely for those who had active sex lives earlier in life.

By the late 1980s, there was a strong focus on the biological aspects of ageing. This expanded to include the reasons behind sexual decline. The research found these were highly varied and many older adults remain sexually active well into later life.

But despite evidence adults continue to desire and pursue sexual expression well into later life, both society in general and many health professionals have inadvertently helped perpetuate the myth of the asexual older person. This can happen through an unintentional lack of recognition, or an avoidance of a topic that makes some people uncomfortable.

Why does this matter?

These ageist attitudes can have an impact on older adults not only in their personal lives, but also in relation to their health needs. Examples include the failure of medical personnel to test for sexually transmissible infections in older populations, or the refusal of patients to take prescribed medications because of adverse impacts on erection rigidity. We need more health practitioners to be conscious of and incorporate later life sexuality into the regular health care of older adults. We still have a long way to go.

By ignoring the importance of sexuality for many older adults, we fail to acknowledge the role that sexuality plays in many people’s relationships, health, well-being and quality of life. Failure to address sexual issues with older patients may lead to or exacerbate marital problems and result in the withdrawal of one or both partners from other forms of intimacy. Failure to discuss sexual health needs with patients can also lead to incorrect medical diagnoses, such as the misdiagnosis of dementia in an older patient with HIV.

It’s not about ‘the deed’ itself

In a recent survey examining sexuality in older people, adults aged between 51 and 89 were asked a series of open-ended questions about sexuality, intimacy and desire, and changes to their experiences in mid-life and later life. This information was then used to create a series of statements that participants were asked to group together in ways they felt made sense, and to rank the importance of each statement.

The most important themes that emerged from the research encompassed things such as partner compatibility, intimacy and pleasure, and factors that influence the experience of desire or the way people express themselves sexually. Although people still considered sexual expression and sexual urges to be important, they were not the focus for many people over 45.

Affectionate and intimate behaviours, trust, respect and compatibility were more important aspects of sexuality than intercourse for most people. Overall, the message was one about the quality of the experience and the desire for connection with a partner, and not about the frequency of sexual activities.

People did discuss barriers to sexual expression and intimacy such as illness, mood or lack of opportunity or a suitable partner, but many felt these were not something they focused on in their own lives. This is in line with the data that shows participants place a greater importance on intimacy and affectionate behaviours such as touching, hugging and kissing, rather than intercourse.

These results help us challenge the existing stereotype of the “asexual older person” and the idea intercourse is necessary to be considered sexually active. They also make it clear researchers and health practitioners need to focus on a greater variety of ways we can improve the experience and expressions of sexuality and intimacy for adults from mid-life onwards beyond medical interventions (like Viagra) that focus on prolonging or enhancing intercourse.

Complete Article HERE!

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10 Reasons Why Women Lose Their Libido

Ladies, libido means sexual desire. Women having decreased libido is one of the most common complaints I hear in the office, especially for those stressed out supermoms. Trust me – you’re not alone, ladies. It is estimated that more than 40% of women experience some sort of sexual dysfunction in their lifetime. Here’s why, and what you can do about it.

Dried Rose On Old Vintage Wood Plates

Female sexual dysfunction can include problems with desire, arousal, achieving orgasm and sexual pain that causes significant distress in your life. More specifically, decreased libido is when you don’t want to engage in any type of sexual activity, including masturbation, and you don’t want to have any sexual thoughts or fantasies. Sound like someone you know? Let’s review some reasons why you may not want to have sex with your significant other:

1. Bad Relationship.

Fighting with your partner is an easy way to kill your sex drive. When you are angry or hurt, sex is the last thing on your mind. Fix your relationship — go to couples’ therapy.

2. Stress.

It doesn’t matter where the stress comes from, all of it can cause your libido to drop. It doesn’t matter if you’re stressed out from financial problems, from trying to get pregnant, or from worrying about your job – it all negatively impacts your libido. Stress can also lead to you being fatigued, which worsens the problem. Find ways to chill out ladies – I mediate daily to deal with stress, and that might work for you, too.

3. Alcohol and Smoking.

Both of these drugs have been shown to decrease sexual desire and satisfaction. While alcohol in moderation is okay, when you binge drink, sexual dysfunction starts to occur. On the other hand, any kind of smoking is bad – just quit!

Easier said than done, right? You have to know why you are smoking. Substitute that why with something else. For example, if you smoke because you are bored, instead of lighting up go to the gym.

4. Mental Illness.

Mental conditions such as depression and anxiety can also cause your libido to drop. Talk to your doctor and get treated. Sometimes medications used to treat these conditions can also cause a drop in libido – but not every medication does, so talk to your doctor.

crying girl

5. Birth Control.

Hormonal birth has been shown to decrease testosterone in your body, which could lead to a lowered libido. This is because testosterone is one of the hormones that makes you horny.

Other medications such as antidepressants, anti-seizure meds, opioids, medical marijuana, antihistamines, and hypertensive medications can also decrease your sexual desire. Talk to your doctor about switching your medications if you think any are giving you a problem. Your healthcare provider can also potentially switch you to a non-hormonal birth control option, like the Paragard IUD.

6. Trauma in your Past.

Negative sexual experiences in the past can cause issues with decreased libido. Women who were raped or have been victims of domestic violence may, understandably, have issues here. Going to therapy to work through your pain can help.

7. Poor Body Image.

In a world full of fake butts and boobs, it isn’t hard to image women struggling with their body image. Not thinking you are sexy enough can cause your sex drive to plummet. If you don’t like something about yourself, change it – in a healthy way, of course. Eat clean, drink water and exercise – though, keep in mind that a lot of times this is something that you have to work out in therapy.

8. Medical Conditions.

Medical illnesses such as diabetes, hypertension, thyroid disease, congestive heart failure, or cancer can all affect libido. They can alter hormones that have an impact on your sex drive. Proper treatment of the underlying disease can often improve libido.

9. Pregnancy and Breastfeeding.

Hormones fluctuate during pregnancy and breastfeeding, which can decrease your sex drive. Being pregnant can cause you to be tired and not feel sexy, which certainly doesn’t help your libido! Do your best to focus on intimacy with your partner — also, when you have the baby, get help. Let those grandparents help out with babysitting!

10. Aging.

In menopause, estrogen levels drop drastically because the ovaries aren’t working anymore. Low estrogen causes, among other things, a dry vagina, which makes sex painful. This can lead to decreased sexual desire. Arthritis in the aging population can make having sex less fun. When vaginal dryness makes sex uncomfortable, use lubricants (try a free sample of Astroglide Liquid or Astroglide Gel, which temporarily relieve dryness during intercourse). Some women find using vaginal estrogen also helps.

Complete Article HERE!

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Sex Therapy—What Is It and Who Needs It? – Part 2

(Look for Part 1 of this series HERE!)

Of course, there are plenty of individuals—and couples—who haven’t waited until the last minute to seek help. These people want to be proactive about their concerns. Some people simply need some clear, unambiguous information about human sexuality. A surprising number of people are trying to piece together their sexual lives, but are hampered by misconceptions and misinformation.

Sometimes a momentous event motivates a person to address arising sexual or intimacy issues. The birth of a child, a disease process, a death in the family, or an accident can fundamentally alter the power dynamic of a relationship, which will require a rethinking of the entire relationship.

Or perhaps someone comes to a new realization about him or herself: Perhaps they are finally able to acknowledge their bisexuality, or that he’s gay, or she’s a lesbian. Maybe they are finally able to acknowledge a fetish—he’s a crossdresser, or she’s into another kink. Things like this obviously impact the individual, but if that person is in a relationship, the relationship is also affected. People in these self-revelatory situations are often unsure how to talk about their discoveries with a partner, which is another reason they seek counseling.

Some couples don’t fret when the sex vanishes from the relationship; other couples are devastated. What does one do when one partner still has sexual needs, but the other doesn’t? Often, there are unexplored options that can hold the relationship together, but will address the disparity in sexual interest and desire.

In this case, I can help the couple make compromises without losing their moral compass. Some couples navigate this with ease; others not so much. It can be extremely challenging, but there are ways to preserve what’s sacred about a primary relationship, while contemplating opening the relationship to include others. I can help a couple establish guidelines and ground rules for making the necessary adjustments.

Sometimes the relationship is really wonderful and fun. The couple really loves each other, but they’ve noticed their sex life together is pretty boring and stale. I’m often approached to simply help a couple spice things up. In this instance, my work is sheer joy. Mostly, I just give them permission to experiment and have fun.

You’ve probably noticed that a good portion of the work that I do as a sex therapist is merely giving permission. That may not sound like therapy at all, but when you consider that our sex-negative culture is so full of prohibitions; permission giving is often the front line of sexual rehabilitation. Most of the permissions I give are for an individual to educate him or herself about his or her body and his or her sexual response cycle. Personal exploration, such as masturbation, is the very best means to that education. I’m a huge proponent of partners masturbating together.

Happily, our need to reacquaint and reeducate ourselves about our bodies and our sexual response cycle is a life-long process. There is always something new to explore. As we age, our bodies change, and if we don’t keep up with those changes, we can become frustrated and disoriented. Older people, menopausal women and andropausal men, take longer to build up “a head of sexual steam,” so to speak. If they’re not attuned to the changes they’re going through, they can easily miss the important cues their body is sending to slow down and enjoy the sensuality.

Of course, I could go on and on, but now I want to leave you with what is the distillation of years my thinking about the role sexuality plays in our life:

I believe that sex is like food.
We can enjoy it alone, or with others.
We can be abstemious, or gluttonous.
We can nosh or nibble; dine or devour.
And we can be certain there will be both times of feast and famine.

Sex is like food.
It can nourish and sustain us, or it can make us sick.
We can consume all the available bounty, or restrict our diet.
It can completely satisfy, or leave us devastatingly empty.
We can employ it to express our highest aspirations, or allow it to rob us of our soul.
We can give it as a gift, or use it as a weapon.
It can be both bacchanal and sacrament.

One thing is for sure, whether purely physical or transcendentally spiritual, no one can live without food…or sex.

Got a Sex Question?
You’ve come to the right place.
Contact me here: questions@drdicksexadvice.com

No time to write?
Give Dr Dick a call.
(866) 422-5680
Toll Free — Voicemail — HOTLINE

Would you like to talk about your sexual concerns, feelings, lifestyle or experiences?
Arrange for a consultation HERE!

Either way, you can be assured of my complete discretion.

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More Sex Wisdom with Mikaya Heart — Podcast #298 — 09/14/11

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans, welcome back!

So glad you’re back for another big dose of SEX WISDOM with my amazing guest Mikaya Heart. As you recall from last week’s show, Mikaya is the author of The Ultimate Guide To Orgasm For Women; How to Become Orgasmic For A Lifetime.

You’ll also remember that in introducing last week’s show I said that Mikaya’s book is by far the best book about women’s sexuality that I have read in the past decade, if not longer. And apparently ya’ll agree, at least those of you who contacted me with your comments. Mikaya is so passionate and compassionate about women’s sexuality that if her name weren’t already Heart, the consensus is, we’d have to rechristen her that.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of our chat, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #297 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Mikaya and I discuss:

  • The necessity of talking about sex;
  • The power of fantasy in sex;
  • The problem with disengaging our rational brain in sex;
  • The spiritual dimension of orgasm;
  • The shamanic sensibility of sex;
  • Different kinds of orgasms;
  • Sex as a metaphor for life;
  • Sex and aging;
  • The disappearing orgasm;
  • The role of relationships;
  • Love and sex.

Mikaya invites you to visit her on her site HERE! And look for her on Facebook HERE!

(Click on the book cover below for more information and to buy Mikaya’s book)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Hot Plus Size Lingerie.
Plus Size Lingerie

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Oceans of Lotions

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday again and we’re comin’ at ya with two brilliant GREEN products. And they come to us directly from the manufacturers too. We are proud to welcome Seven Oaks Farms of California  and NuruSlide from Japan.

Let’s begin with Dr Dick Review Crew Members Gina & Kevin.

Nuru Gel Original from Nuru Slide—— $21.99

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “We’ve done dozens of reviews as members of the Dr Dick Review Crew, but today we have a first.”
Kevin: “We’ve never reviewed a massage product before, that is until today. We are delighted to bring you news of a fantastic product, Nuru Gel.”
Gina: “I proudly acknowledged that I am, what Kevin calls, a massage slut. There is nothing more satisfying than body-to-body contact. Of all the things I enjoy in life, and there are many, I crave massage and bodywork the most.”
Kevin: “It’s true! But she is leaving something out. Not only does she love to receive massage, but she also enjoys giving massage. And I, I’m happy to report, am the lucky recipient of most of her hands-on loving. She’s got the touch of an angel.”
Gina: “Isn’t he sweet? Don’t get me wrong, I love sex and I’ve also discovered, thanks to Kevin, that I can be a raunchy bitch when I want to be. But there is nothing more nurturing and loving than massage; both giving and receiving.”
Kevin: “That’s why when we were offered Nuru Gel to review I knew we were both in for a real treat!”
Gina: “The thing is, we didn’t exactly know how big a treat it was going to be. Let me explain. Unlike any other massage cream, lotion or oil I’ve used; Nuru Gel works best when we’re both wet. This is a totally new concept for me so we started our massage night in the bath together.”
Kevin: “This is the added bonus of a Nuru Gel massage. We got to lounge in the bath, play a bit with some of our waterproof toys to get the evening started.”
Gina: “Instruction on the Nuru Gel website suggest that the massage happen on an air mattress or vinyl sheets. This is so both people, or if there was a massage group, everyone would be slippy and sliddy. This is the nature of a Nuru massage. Look it up online if you don’t believe me. Actually, we wound up using a rubber sheet that we sometimes use for our kink play under a regular cotton sheet. We didn’t what to lay down directly on the rubber.”
Kevin: “You will be mixing the Nuru Gel with some warm water to reach the desired consistency. The whole event is gonna get a little messy, and I mean that in the best possible way. So have a few couple towels within easy reach. We also rolled up a towel placed across the top of our mattress where the one receiving the massage could lay his head.”
Gina: “Once we left the bath we dried off a bit and then Kevin laid face-down on our mattress. I poured the Nuru Gel/water solution, one handful at a time, over the back of his body. I then applied a couple of handfuls of the solution over the front of my body and laid down on top of him. Nuru Gel is so slick we had a ball rubbing all over each other. It’s both therapeutic and sensual all at the same time. I absolutely loved it. We wouldn’t be able to do this with any other product I know of, so the Nuru Gel was a real treat.“
Full Review HERE!

Now here’s Review Crew Member, Angie.

Aloe Cadabra with Vitamin E & Natural Aloe —— $9.95

Angie
In my time on the Dr Dick Review Crew I’ve developed into quite a connoisseur of personal lubricants. I’ve tried more products in the last couple of years than most women try in a lifetime. I’ve discovered a precious few products I like and way more that I didn’t care for. I decided some time ago that I would never use a conventional, chemically filled lubricant ever again. I just figure that life is too short and my body is too precious to contaminate it with needless chemicals. In other words, I’ve gone GREEN!

That’s way I was overjoyed to receive this 2.5oz container of Aloe Cadabra to review. It is a plant-based personal lubricant made from 95% organic aloe vera. The clever play on words, that is the product’s name, tickled me no end. And, as their name suggests, Aloe Cadabra is pretty magical.

Aloe Cadabra is lusciously silky and totally free of glycerine, parabens, alcohol, hormones or any other foreign chemical substances. I have the Vitamin E enriched formula, but there is also a Tahitian Vanilla and French Lavender formula. I intend to try all three.

I am post-menopausal so I have a real problem with vaginal dryness. But rather than suffer with this condition I have the utmost confidence using Aloe Cadabra. It is the closest thing to the natural lubricant my body used to make in abundance. I have several other health and beauty products that are mainly aloe vera gel. At first I was concerned that Aloe Cadabra would be too dense or might dry out or get sticky during use. But it wasn’t and it did not. Its silken consistency is neither too thick nor is it watery. It is the ideal personal lubricant for all my pleasurable moments, the ones I enjoy by myself as well as the ones I enjoy with my husband.

Speaking of which, my husband loves Aloe Cadabra too. He likes it because it’s never greasy and it’s perfect to use with even our finest silicone toys. And when he gets some in his mouth (my man is a passionate oral pleaser) Aloe Cadabra doesn’t taste bad. It is also condom friendly. My husband and I don’t have to worry about that, but I know many people in our audience need to know that.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

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More Sex Wisdom with Joan Price – Podcast #234 – 09/29/10

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

Joan Price, ageless sexuality advocate and all round wonderful person, is back with us today for Part 2 of her appearance on this show. She delights us, enriches us and makes us laugh while dispensing her signature SEX WISDOM. I am so glad to have so much of Joan, not just because she is such a joy, but because she is willing to break open a conversation that too many of us tend to avoid — the conversation about sex and aging.

If you are just joining us and somehow missed Part 1 of our conversation that appeared here at this time last week; don’t worry. You can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. Look for the search function in the header, type in Podcast #232 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Joan and I discuss:

  • Her workshop: Straight Talk About Sex Over 60;
  • Uncovering our sexual stepping-stones;
  • Menopause;
  • The wisdom of scheduling love dates;
  • Sex after a major health event;
  • Her workshop: Ask Me, I’ll Tell You;
  • Exercise and sex;
  • Her sex toy reviews

Joan invites you to visit her professional website HERE! And look for her blog HERE!

(click on the thumbnails to get more information about these volumes)


BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: : Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

drdicksstockroom.jpg

Podcast: Play in new window | Download