Author Archives: Dr Dick

A Clinical Sexologist in private practice in Seattle, WA

I’m also the president of Daddy Oohhh! Productions; Quality Adult Entertainment, Education and Enrichment,

What Makes “Good” Sex

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By Mysteryvibe

If I asked you to describe what constitutes good sex, or a good sexual partner, what would you say?

We all have a different idea about what makes sex ‘good’. For many of us, it’s someone who pays attention to our sexual needs, someone attentive (who isn’t afraid of oral sex), someone that makes you feel sexy, someone who tells you when something feels good, sex that’s passionate and sensual, sex that’s kinky, consensual sex, sex that’s surprising and always fresh…

One thing I think we can all agree on is that good sex revolves around understanding pleasure.

It doesn’t matter whether you’ve had sex with one person, or multiple people, it’s likely that at some point you’ve wondered if you’re actually any good at it.

Of course, there’s no way of really answering that, because one person’s fantasy could be another person’s nightmare.

However, there are a few universal aspects that can help you have the toe-clenching, spine-tingling, lip-biting, eye-rolling sex you really want.

 

Don’t just guess, ask.

You may think you know how to pleasure your partner without asking but the truth is, you probably don’t. Remember that no sexual partner is the same, so something your last lover enjoyed isn’t instantly transferable.

For example, we once had a customer ask us how she could encourage her husband to be more dominant in the bedroom. He was an attentive lover, very intimate and romantic… but to ‘get off’ she needed deeper, harder penetration.

As a means to open up a conversation about pleasure, she suggested buying a sex toy they could both enjoy, like Crescendo. Although initially surprised, he warmed to the idea and after some discussion, they both realised that they wanted the same thing; he was being extra sensitive because he didn’t want to spank her out of the blue in case she didn’t enjoy it, and she didn’t want to ask to be spanked for fear of being shunned.

The moral of the story is: communication is key. There’s a reason that’s a cliché…

Praise your sexual partner

We all have an ego, and we all like it to be massaged. Being told we’re good at something, or how we’ve made someone feel wanted is a great feeling.

Sex is such a natural part of life, yet we’re all too embarrassed to talk about it, or tell our partner how bloody great they were at lovemaking last night.

If your lover does something that makes your eyes light up with pleasure, tell them about it. Talk to them about how you like it when they touch you there, why you love it when they grip onto your hips or pull your hair like that.

The best way to guide someone’s behaviour is with positive reinforcement. Actively appreciate the good stuff, and you’ll be more likely to experience it again.

 

Know that orgasm isn’t everything – and try not to fake it!

This is something we deal with everyday; people besotted with finding a way to increase their ability to orgasm.

There’s nothing quite like a good orgasm, I get that. But please can we all take a moment to appreciate that good sex is not defined by an orgasm. Rather, let’s think of pleasure as a journey and enjoy every kiss and caress in the moment, without worrying about whether climax is nearing.

Stressing about when your orgasm will come decreases the chance of it actually happening. Orgasm takes dedication and endurance.

So instead of asking yourself why hasn’t it happened, is it me? Is it him? Am I doing something wrong? Do I like him? Does he like me? Just CHILL.

Talk to your lover about how you make yourself orgasm, where you touch, how hard you touch. And whatever you do, do not fake it.

Faking it will not help. It’s just a deterrent. He will think you love that thing he does, that you wish he didn’t. He thinks that enables your orgasm.

Introduce some mystery to your bedroom

I know I’m always banging on about introducing new, exciting things in the bedroom. You’re probably thinking all right enough already, we know you love sex toys.

Seriously though, they are great for a lot of reasons… having trouble climaxing during sex? There’s a toy for that. Is your sex getting a little same-y? Toys can help.

Sex toys help us explore our bodies, they help us discover ‘hot spots’, they boost our confidence, they encourage sexual liberation and – above all – they make us feel great.

Ty this – think of three ways you could use a sex toy to enhance your pleasure together. This could include using it during oral sex (for example, you could insert your Crescendo whilst your partner orally pleases you), you could tease different parts of the body during foreplay, or if you have a bendable vibrator like Crescendo, you could wrap it around your partner’s penis while he penetrates you with his fingers.

Decide your top three, try them out, and then tell me that sex toys aren’t something to shout out about… I bet you can’t.

Complete Article HERE!

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Envisioning A New Approach To Postpartum Sex

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Welcoming a baby into the world is an incredible experience, but it is certainly not a seamless one. Although your new bundle of joy may be small, metaphorically speaking, they occupy a lot of space, with your partner and intimacy being the first thing to be pushed to the side.

As part of running MysteryVibe, I speak to women and men from different countries, backgrounds, and cultures every day – and one of the most common themes of discussions or questions people ask me is around reclaiming intimacy and sexual pleasure after childbirth.

The 6-week check-up often marks the moment when new moms are physically cleared by their doctors to have sex again. But while you might be given the green light, many women are simply not ready emotionally for penetrative sex.

You have welcomed a new human into the world, and while your heart could burst from all the love you feel, likewise you might be worried sick about their well-being at every moment, ready to cry at the drop of a pin.

Between the physical recovery of birth, a flurry of activities and the emotional rollercoaster of hormones, the last thing on your mind during the postpartum is being physically available for yourself, much less your partner.

But that does not mean that you have to give up on intimacy altogether.

It is time to reframe the 6 week check-up, and move beyond its unrealistic presumption that makes new mothers feel pressured to jump back into the sack after a string of sexless months, and guilty or ashamed when they cannot bring themselves to do it right away.

Rather, we propose a new vision of postpartum sex as a gentle journey of intimacy that leads to a fulfilling, pleasurable relationship with your partner, where sex does not have to mean intercourse right away.

A journey that will not necessarily lead you back to your pre-baby sex life, but to a new normal that can even be more emotionally (and physically) satisfying than ever before!

The rules of the game – go at your own pace, take it slow, communicate your needs to your partner, sit back, relax and let yourself enjoy the pleasure.  Here we offer you a few tips to kickstart your journey.

1. TLC- tender loving care. Before you can be emotionally or physically available for your partner, you must carve out some time for some self-love. Perhaps let dad or grandparents have some alone time with the new arrival – take a bubble bath, go for a walk in nature or perhaps cuddle up in a cozy blanket listening to your favorite tunes.

If you are up to it, maybe try a solo session, using a clitoral stimulator or small vibrator with lots of lubricants. Because of your body’s changing-needs, highly-customizable toys like MysteryVibe’s Crescendo will be a great fit as you can change its shape along with creating unique patterns of vibrations (spanning from super gentle to more powerful).

Toys like this are super effective at satisfying both penetrative and non-penetrative play, and don’t rely on friction or thrusting, which can be painful for many women post-birth. This will be a great time to reconnect with your body, with orgasms acting as stress relievers as well.

Whatever it is, love yourself and do what makes you feel good!

2. Rediscover the power of cuddling and kissing. While it may feel like you are regressing back to ‘first base’, these simple forms of physical touch with your partner increase* oxytocin levels, also known as the ‘bonding’ hormone that can help reduce* stress and anxiety.

So, when your baby is sleeping, take some time to simply hold each other’s hands or wrap yourself up in one another’s arms as you watch some TV.  When you are feeling ready for second base, allow your lips to linger and move into loving, passionate kisses.

3. Venture outside the usual. For many women, their breasts and vagina feel less sexual during the postpartum period. Once a focal point in the bedroom, breasts are now inflated and sore, and the vulva and vagina may be recovering from the physical trauma of childbirth.

No need to fret. There are many other erogenous zones that can bring you pleasure.  With their hands and/or mouth, ask your partner to stimulate other areas of your body.

Try some of these: ears, neck, nape of neck, spine, back, behind the knees and feet. These areas are full of nerve endings and can reveal some unexpectedly pleasurable sensations.

4. Explore non-penetrative practices. There are many ways to experience mutual pleasure and intimacy with your partner outside of the traditional penetrative act. Try reinventing the 69.

If you are not ready for vaginal or clitoral action, ask your partner to massage your feet that stimulate blood flow up to your legs and abdomen, while you return the favor with your hands or mouth.

You and your partner could also try intercrural sex, where the penis is stimulated by being placed in between your thighs. Or, on the flip side, intergluteal sex where the penis can be stimulated by moving between the buttocks.

For the last two, we recommend lube.

5. Invest in some good quality lube. When you are ready for more advanced foreplay or penetrative sex, do not be shocked if you are not naturally lubricating downstairs. Dryness is another side-effect of declined estrogen and progesterone levels post-birth.

Lube will be your best friend when you are getting back to the norm with your partner, helping things run smoothly. Clitoral stimulators can also act as great tools in this department. Also, do not forget to relax.

Many women feel a mixture of fear and anxiety about returning back to penetrative sex after months of celibacy, leading to a tenseness that will undeniably make sex less pleasurable. If you can, have a glass of wine, take your time, let your partner give you a massage, and then get the lube out!

6. The gift that keeps on giving. So maybe you are just not in the mood? Because of wonky hormonal changes, it’s totally normal to experience plummeted levels of libido. It’s ok.

Nonetheless, women put pressure on themselves to perform in the bedroom out of guilt for not tending to their partner’s sexual needs. Consider buying masturbating toys for your partner, it will show them that you care without forcing yourself to do anything out of your comfort zone.

All in all, intimacy with your partner can help decrease* your stress, improve* your confidence and (contrary to belief) energize you! Making space to prioritize intimacy, without the pressure of going all in, can help nurture a deep connection with your partner that can translate to increased happiness and wellbeing.

Do not expect to go from 0 to 100 after your 6 week check-up. Remember, most women wait longer than 6 weeks, and many women will not get 100% back into the groove of things for months.

Allow this journey back to intimacy be an exciting opportunity to rediscover the relationship you have with your own body and to find new techniques that lie outside the norm with your partner.

The key is to take things slowly, to listen to yourself, communicate with your partner, and when the time comes, use lots and lots of lube.

Complete Article HERE!

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What Does It Mean?

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Name: Robin
Gender: female
Age: 44
Location: Valparaiso, Florida
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year we have always had frontal sex and last night we had anal sex does this mean there is a change in his feelings in our relationship or just to try something different?

Since I am of the mind that anal sex is a natural variation of human sexual expression, which is enjoyed by loads and loads of people all over the world, I suspect that your boyfriend was just trying something different. I wouldn’t read too much into it if I were you. However, the only way to be absolutely sure is ask him outright.

What’s so curious about your message is that you say absolutely nothing about your response to this new sex play. Did it come as a surprise? Is it safe to assume you were the bottom during this little adventure? Was this a new experience for you? Did you enjoy it? Gosh, seems to me you have lots to talk about with the BF, right? I mean, if I’m curious as all get-out about your reactions, and I don’t even know you; imagine how interested he must be in hearing from you. Why he doesn’t ask you is beyond me. Surely you have some input to share with him…then hopefully me too. With a little luck I’ll hear back from you on this.

 

One thing I’d love to know is, if you bottomed this time, is there a chance he’ll bottom for you in the future? Pegging (you know, you with a strap-on) is all the rage these days, don’t cha know. In fact, in my private practice I often see straight men who are curious about ass play…their ass. They’re afraid to bring up the topic of pegging with their girlfriends or wives, because they think their women might think they’ve turned queer. That simply isn’t the case. One of the suggestions I often make to my butt-curious male clients is that they initiate anal sex with their female partners…the chick as the bottom. Then if that goes well, they could suggest that their partner pleasure their bum in just the same way.

I know it’s kind of a roundabout way of asking for what you want, but it often gets the job done.

Good luck

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10 Things I Wish I Was Taught in Sex Ed

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By Mysteryvibe

Other than attempting to put a condom on a banana, sex education at school was pretty non-existent.

Being a teenager feels like the hardest thing in the world. You’re growing body parts where you never had body parts before and you’re feeling all warm and tingly down below whenever you look at your crush. You have an urge to touch yourself, but you don’t know why and for some reason, you feel embarrassed and ashamed for these things.

When you finally find out what ‘sex’ is, the only things you’re taught are:

  • If you’re a man, you put your penis inside a vagina and after a while something explodes
  • If you’re a woman, you’ll get pregnant

As we learn about sex, so much education and advice focuses on things like pregnancy, STIs, or what body part goes where and when.

This leads to a whole host of problems, from unsatisfying sex to inability to orgasm.

But sex isn’t about actions – it’s about sensation, and connection. It’s the exploration of sensuality, of love, lust, of things that make you feel good. It’s laughter, pleasure, play.

And it’s the most human thing we do.

You don’t need me to tell you that our sex education needs a serious overhaul, you already know that. But here are 10 things I wish we were taught about sex, sexuality and intimacy.

Hopefully anyone searching for similar enlightenment will read this and not feel so scared, or worried about their future sexual endeavours.

1. I wish I was taught what my clitoris was, and where I could find it

The female anatomy is somewhat an enigma when it comes to sex ed. We’re taught that a man’s penis becomes erect, and that means they’re ready for sex.

But what happens for women? We just lay back and think happy thoughts?

Unlike our male counterparts, we don’t have a natural signal to tell us when we’re feeling aroused, but that doesn’t change the fact we do feel these things.

I wish my sex education teacher taught me about the beauty and delicacy of my clitoris. I wish they told me how pleasurable sex and intimacy could be.

2. I wish I was taught the meaning of consent

It’s a sad reality that the majority of women reading this would have, at some point in their lives, felt sexual discomfort.

When we talk about consent, we mean informed, enthusiastic consent.

There is a huge lack of understanding about what consent means and how we should all practice enthusiastic consent. We’re taught that no means no, but what about if we change our mind halfway through, or we’re too embarrassed to say no?

I wish I were taught that it’s okay to say no. That my body is mine, and nobody has the right to touch it without my consent.

When we first start having sex, sometimes we feel pressured into doing things that we’d rather not. It’s important we’re taught to ignore societal ideologies like ‘you’re a prude if you don’t have sex’ or ‘you’re a tease if you don’t go all the way’.

That’s another point – it is absolutely your right to stop any sexual contact whenever you want.

Sex should never be something you endure.

3. I wish I was taught literally anything about LGBTQ+ sexuality

Even the existence of LGBTQ+ people at all.

Being a teenager is really hard. Being a teenager and feeling as though you’re different, or there’s something wrong, is even harder.

We need to give people context, and teach them that it’s not always boy meets girl.

It may be boy meets boy, girl meets girl. Or even better, X meet X.

4. I wish I was taught sex isn’t just penetrative

What about kissing, caressing, licking, nibbling, touching… usually, sex is defined as penis in vagina penetration, but there’s so much more than that.

Instead of talking about ‘sex’, let’s talk about ‘pleasure’. What makes us feel good? After all, that’s what sex is all about.

5. I wish I knew that pornography doesn’t represent real sex

I remember porn being so alien to me. Why don’t I look like that? Should I be making those noises? Should my sexual partner be doing that to my face?

There are so many misrepresentations of what makes sex ‘good’ in mainstream porn, which it gives us all an unrealistic idea of what we should enjoy.

It’s really important we teach people diversity and give them images of real people having real sex.

There are so many amazing, innovative, creative people out there making porn that doesn’t disrespect women or mistreat their actors. Porn that speaks about sex, passion, lust and pleasure, aimed to excite your mind and body simultaneously.

That’s the stuff we should be teaching in school.

6. I wish I was taught about safe sex, properly

There are so many different forms of contraception on the market, something I only learnt after years of sexual activity.

We were never taught that taking the pill may come with a list of side effects for women, or that you can catch an STI from performing oral sex without a condom.

For some reason, safe sex is often linked with unsexy sex. This needs to change. We should never be embarrassed, or feel ashamed for using or carrying condoms.

Even if you are using other contraception, but feel a little nervous and would rather use a condom for extra protection – do it!

There are so many great products in the market now, so if any man tells you it doesn’t feel as nice, or it’s desensitising, ignore and tell him to check out our friends HANX.

7. I wish I was taught that orgasm isn’t everything

Did you know that 80% of women find it almost impossible to orgasm through penetrative sex?

I remember the first person I ever had sex with being baffled by the fact I didn’t orgasm “but I always make a woman come!” well, not me.

We read so much about orgasms, that we fixate too much on reaching it. If we don’t climax, sex isn’t successful.

Let’s change that mentality. Pleasure encompasses more than just orgasm.

The ability to orgasm is all in your mind, so if you’re letting yourself worry about it, then it’s probably not going to happen.

Don’t let any sexual partner make you feel bad about your lack of orgasm. Every person is different.

8. I wish I knew fetishes are okay

Through sexual exploration, you may find out that you like being tied up, or spanked, or have a fascination with feet or role-play.

Our sex education should teach people that different sexual desires and tastes are normal, and encourage us to explore different sensations.

9. I wish I was taught our genitals are all normal

In our last blog we spoke about embracing your vulva, and enjoying oral sex.

Whether you’re male or female, try not to worry about the size and shape of your genitals because they are fine. Seriously, we’re all normal. No two penises or vulvae are the same.

I wish we were shown natural images of all different kinds of genitals so that we were able to love our bodies as they are, and not compare ourselves to the idealised images we see through mainstream porn.

10. I wish I was taught about safe sex toys

This is so critical. Naturally, we begin to experiment with masturbation from a young age.

That could mean using household objects to touch or insert. Objects that aren’t body-safe potentially covered in bacteria and harmful chemicals that shouldn’t be anywhere near our genitals.

This is very dangerous, and something that’s not discussed widely enough – educating children about safe sex toys and materials is absolutely essential.

Complete Article HERE!

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Ring-A-Ding-Ding

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Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday once again. This week we welcome back an old friend. The good people at We-Vibe have been part of this review effort since 2008 when we reviewed our first product of their line. Since then we’ve happily reviewed several of their others.

To keep track of all our reviews of the amazing products coming from We-Vibe, use the search function in the sidebar of DrDickSexToyReviews.com, type in We-Vibe, and PRESTO!

Back with us today is one of the newest members of the Dr Dick Review Crew, Trevor, who will introduce us to today’s product.

The Verge Vibrating Ring, Slate —— $88.70

Trevor
Hello again! Just in case you didn’t read my first review, my name is Trevor.  I’m 32 years old. I’m originally from the UK, Manchester to be precise, but have been in the US since I was 13. I live with my da. My mom passed away three years ago. I am dating this great gal. Shelia is her name. We’ve been together for just over a year.

My new toy is the Verge Vibrating Ring by We-Vibe. It’s an amazing new cockring.

If you are unfamiliar with what a cockring (penis ring) is or what it is used for, let me turn your attention to a swell tutorial that Dr Dick put together called, Cockring Crash Course.

The Verge Vibrating Ring is worn around your cock and balls. The ring feature adds a bit of blood flow restriction for fuller, longer lasting erections. The vibration feature, which hits you smack-dab on your perineum, produces mind-blowing orgasms.

You can use the Verge Vibrating Ring alone, like when you’re having a little wank, or with a partner, like when you’re having a little shag. Either way, it’s brilliant!

Sometimes I need a wee bit more stimulation to get off than what I can produce with my hand. For example, I’ve recently discovered all the pleasures that come from stimulating my prostate while I wank. For the longest time my butthole was off limits because I thought that was too gay for a straight bloke like me. I know how stupid that way of thinking is now, but for the longest time I just wouldn’t allow myself the permission to even investigate the other pleasure zones on my body.

My girl, Shelia, helped me over come that. One day we were having sex and she had this little lipstick vibe with her. http://www.drdicksextoyreviews.com/2014/05/09/we-vibe-tango/ She started to use it on her clit while I was inside her. At first, I was pretty upset by this. I thought I wasn’t doing my job pleasuring her enough with my cock. I even started to get soft. I was just about to pull out when Shelia, guessing what was going on with me, took the little vibe and placed it on that patch of skin between my balls and butthole, my perineum. I immediately jumped to attention. I had never felt anything like that before. But I was also scared. It was getting way too close to my hole for comfort.

I was torn between the intense pleasure and the fear of the gay thing. What a dolt!

Shelia later told me about all the nerve endings in my pelvis can be the source of great pleasure and that some guys are orgasmic by just stimulating their prostate. To tell the truth, I wasn’t all that sure what or where my prostate was. All I knew was that if it was inside my butt; I wasn’t going there. But I figured stimulating my perineum was OK because it was not technically IN my butt.

To make a long story short, I was using a vibrator on my perineum one day when I, all of a sudden, let the vibe wander to my hole. The sensations were AMAZING! It was only a little while later that I threw caution to the wind and tentatively started to insert the vibe in my butthole. Within minutes I discovered my prostate, which is as sensitive and pleasure producing as my cock if not more so. And guess what? I didn’t turn gay!

Crazy story, right? I’ll bet there are a lotta guys out there who think the way that I used to. Hopefully, reading this will straighten them out…no pun intended.

OK, so I mentioned that if you wear the Verge Vibrating Ring with the pointy part down you get perineum stimulation, right? Well get this, if you wear the Verge with the pointy part up, like when you’re having sex with your partner, the Verge Vibrating Ring delivers the vibration to your partner’s clit.

The Verge Vibrating Ring delivers vibrations that are deep and rumbly, not the little buzzy kind that you get from some vibes. It’s also amazingly quiet.

And while we’re talking about the vibrations, you should know that there are 10 vibration modes built into the Verge Vibrating Ring. But that’s just the beginning. There’s a smartphone app that you get through the We-Vibe website. http://we-vibe.com/app With the app you can connect and control a bunch of We Vibe products, not just the Verge. So when Shelia and I both have our We Vibe vibrator we can share control of each other’s pleasure at the same time. It’s totally wild.

The Verge Vibrating Ring is covered in velvety, latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic, body-safe silicone. And because it is fully waterproof and made of silicone it’s a breeze to clean. I toss it into the skink with mild soap and warm water, rub it down a bit, and then let it air dry. Or you can just wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution.

The Verge Vibrating Ring is rechargeable via a USB connected port. It takes about 90 minutes to fully charge and a full charge will last for up to two hours of play.

If you’re going to be using lube on or around the Verge Vibrating Ring, be sure to use only water-based lube. A silicone based lube would mar the beautiful finish of the toy.

I love everything about the Verge Vibrating Ring. I love that it is made of body-safe silicone and that it’s 100% waterproof. I love that the vibrations are massive but it’s still really quiet. I love that it is rechargeable. And I love that Shelia and I can play with our toys and each other even if we’re not actually together.

Full Review HERE!

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