Category: AGING

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STI Testing and Older Adults

— Why awareness and prevention are essential to avoiding sexually transmitted infections (STIs)

STI testing is often recommended annually. However, your lifestyle, health history and other factors can affect how often you can be tested.

By Sadia Arshad

Discussing sexual health, pleasure and STI testing for older adults can seem taboo, even in social circles or health care settings. While sex can be a great source of fun, connection and excitement, the unsexy reality of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) exists, even as we age.

One study examined the sexual health and lives of older adults, noting that over 50% report engaging in sexual activity. While older adults have sex, there are several misconceptions about preventing STIs, such as the lack of condom use, sexual health education for older adults and the lack of discussions around sexual health.

STI rates have steadily increased nationwide and are expected to increase, causing a demand for understanding STI testing for older adults and STI prevention awareness.

More people find sexual partners via dating apps and social networks, leading to increased sexual encounters without adequate education on STI prevention. In addition, STI rates have steadily increased nationwide and are expected to continue to increase, causing a demand for understanding STI testing for older adults and STI prevention awareness.

STI Testing for Older Adults

STI testing is something that anyone, regardless of age, can feel shy, embarrassed or hesitant to talk about. Testing can be done in many health care settings and doesn’t have to be done precisely at a women’s, men’s or sexual health clinic.

If you have a primary care provider (PCP), your PCP can order STI testing. It is important to note that many health care providers do not receive formal training on discussing sexual health, let alone discussing sexual health and STI testing for older adults.

Talking with your partners and educating yourself are significant steps to ensuring you are in control of your sexual health.

You can take your time and search locally to see who can be a good fit for you to discuss your sexual health needs. You can also educate yourself on STIs and testing options. You can even order an at-home STI testing kit for you and your partner(s).

If you engage in sexual activity, such as oral sex, anal sex or vaginal sex, you are at risk of contracting an STI. Talking with your partners and educating yourself are significant steps to ensuring you are in control of your sexual health. It’s time to be prepared so that you can have the best sex life possible.

Common Bacterial STIs

  • Chlamydia is a bacterial infection and among the most common STIs. It can be tested via a urine sample or localized swab, such as a vaginal swab.
  • Gonorrhea is a bacterial infection that has earned public attention for newer antibiotic-resistant strains. It can be tested via a urine sample or localized swab, such as a throat swab.
  • Syphilis is another bacterial infection and has earned much public attention for making a nationwide resurgence after almost being undetected in America for years. It can be tested for via a blood sample.

Typical Viral STIs

  • Human Papilloma Virus or HPV:HPV is the most common STI in the United States and can lead to certain cancers if left untreated, such as cervical or oral cancer or genital warts. Many times, HPV can remain dormant in someone’s body for years without any signs of infection. Testing is done via a Pap smear for women, but currently, there is no approved HPV test for men.
  • Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV): HSV is a viral STI that can be transmitted via skin-to-skin contact. Like HPV, HSV can remain dormant in someone’s body for years without any signs of infection. HSV testing is done via blood sample.
  • Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV): HIV is a viral STI that can progress to acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS) if left untreated. HIV can be transmitted via breast milk, blood, semen and vaginal fluids. It can be tested for via saliva or blood sample.

Other Common STIs

  • Trichomoniasis is a parasite that can be transmitted via sexual contact. It can be tested via a urine sample or localized swab, such as a penile swab.
  • Hepatitis A is a type of liver infection that can be transmitted via the oral-fecal route, such as when someone is engaging in oral sex on the anus or eating contaminated food. Hepatitis A can be tested via blood samples and prevented with the Hepatitis A vaccine.
  • Hepatitis B is another type of liver infection that can be transmitted sexually and via blood. Like Hepatitis A, it can be tested for via blood sample and prevented with the Hepatitis B vaccine.

Your lifestyle, health history and other factors can affect how often you can be tested for STIs.

When looking for STI testing, whether using an at-home kit or in your doctor’s office, ask or look to see which infections will be tested for. Remember, you can ask your doctor about particular sexual health concerns, and the doctor will review them with you.

Costs and Results

Unfortunately, an exact cost is hard to provide, given the nature of insurance coverage and the types of tests you get. Contact your insurance company or seek STI testing at your local public health departments if concerned about cost.

STI tests are often available within a few weeks, like other medical testing. Most health care practices have online patient portals in which you can see your results when they are posted. If you test positive for an STI, most clinics will notify you and discuss your STI management options.

How Often Should You Get Tested for STIs?

That is a personal choice, as that frequently depends on how much sex you are having. If you are having sex with the same person and that person is having sex with only you in a monogamous relationship, then your risk for STIs is not as high as someone who engages in casual sex with various partners.

Generally, STI testing is often recommended annually. However, your lifestyle, health history and other factors can affect how often you can be tested for STIs.

Morevoer, the most common STI symptom is no symptoms. Many people have perceptions of STIs only affecting certain people, such as people who “look dirty” or “look like they have a lot of sex.” Untreated STIs can lead to chronic pelvic pain, pelvic inflammatory disease and possibly more health complications.

Many older people are having sex, are contracting STIs, and are not being offered STI testing because of ageism, negative bias and shame around sexual health.

Talking to your doctor about your sexual health questions and asking about STI testing can be nerve-wracking at times, yet it is critical to your health. Sexual health is health care and an essential part of your well-being.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The Truth About Sex in Age-Gap Relationships

By Hayley Folk

I’m married to a man 16 years my senior, so trust me, I’ve heard it all: He’s too old for you. How would you have anything in common? I’m sure it won’t last. What does a 28-year-old woman want with a man in his 40s — other than his money? After that, though, comes the question I inevitably get asked most of all: What’s the sex like?

Of course, the question comes as no surprise to me; it’s natural to wonder how sex plays into the equation. When it comes to age-gap relationships, a dynamic widely debated as of late, the curiosity around sex makes sense. Plus, according to a 2022 Ipsos poll, nearly four in ten Americans have previously dated someone with a large age gap, and 57 percent of singles say they would be open to dating someone 10-plus years older or younger.

In a time when different relationship dynamics are being more openly talked about, and folks can take ownership of their pleasure and sexuality in ways that have never existed before, finding what works for you may come to mean partnering up with someone 15 years older (or younger) than you.

Justin Lehmiller, a psychologist and sex researcher at the Kinsey Institute who’s studied the impact of age gaps on sex, says that it can be hard to paint broad strokes because dynamics between couples can vary based on factors like the size of the age gap or the baseline level of desire for sex.

“People tend to project a lot of assumptions onto age-gap relationships, such as assuming that older partners are going to have lower libidos or that age differences necessarily create a dominant-submissive dynamic,” Dr. Lehmiller tells POPSUGAR, “However, the reality is that there’s vast individual variability and different age-gap relationships might have very different sexual dynamics.”

Although there is a stereotype that the older partner in an age-gap relationship calls the shots sexually, the same Ipsos study found this to be more myth than fact, showing that 59 percent of couples said they initiate sex equally. In my marriage, one might naturally assume that I am the one with the higher sex drive because I’m in my 20s, but in actuality, we’re pretty equal there. That said, that might not be true for every age-gapper.

Aside from dealing with the assumptions and stereotypes that come with an age gap, there are real benefits to sex outside of your age demographic. A new Ipsos study from this year found that among women who have dated younger men and men who have dated older women, sexual satisfaction and fulfillment, as well as fun and enjoyment in the relationship, were rated good to excellent.

“I have heard from many people in age-gap relationships who say they’re having the best sex of their lives,” Dr. Lehmiller says. “Sometimes it’s the younger person saying that being with an older, more experienced partner is great because they’re sexually confident, good at sex, and invested in providing pleasure. Other times, it’s an older partner with a high libido who appreciates being with a younger partner who can ‘keep up.'”

Drew, 45, is in a relationship with a 31-year-old woman. He says he enjoys being with his younger partner because she is more in tune with her sexuality and pleasure — a big jump from his experiences with women of his age. For him, choosing a younger partner wasn’t just about the novelty, but more about being with someone with intimate knowledge of their desires and how to communicate them.

For Caitlin, 25, who is seriously dating a 38-year-old, having sex with someone older has given her the ability to reap the rewards of an experienced partner, while also learning more about her own sexual expression. Instead of having to tip-toe around her partner sexually, like in her past relationships with men her age, being in an age-gap relationship has given her a new sense of confidence.

These stories aren’t unlike mine. Before meeting my now-husband, I had never been with a male partner with whom I could openly share my desires or let myself surrender sexually. I was always so uptight, and rather than exploring what made me feel good, I worried about putting on a show. The first time we hooked up was the first time I felt seen and cared for sexually, and I attribute a big part of that to his age and life experiences.

Of course, no relationship is perfect, and there can be some downsides to sex in a large age-gap relationship, too. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, a Kinsey-certified sexologist and relationship coach, says differences in sexual experiences can lead to disconnection, where one partner may desire fast-paced, exciting sex while the other craves deep, passionate, sensual, and slow encounters.

The age of both partners can also influence how open they are to different types of sexual exploration — and that may not always line up.

“The main downsides to sex in age-gap relationships that I sometimes hear about are when a health issue arises that make sex difficult or impossible or when desire lacks,” Dr. Lehmiller says, “These issues can, of course, emerge in any relationship, whether there’s an age-gap or not. But when one partner is substantially older than the other, these issues may be more likely to emerge or they may happen with greater frequency.”

Olivia, 42, once dated a man who was 28. When it came to their sex life, the only downside was that she began to experience pain during sex, and ultimately, it made her feel like she couldn’t match his desire.

It’s important to remember, however, that sex will ebb and flow in any relationship. The trick, it seems, is to be willing to ebb and flow with it, allowing yourself to learn more about yourself and your partner.

“I was in a sexual relationship with someone in their fifties when I was in my twenties and I would say I appreciated what my older sexual partner brought to our relationship and my life,” Dr. Suwinyattichaiporn says. “I was able to learn to feel more confident in bed. He was comfortable giving me feedback so I felt like I grew a lot as a sexual being during our relationship.”

Though there’s room for growth, conversations around pleasure and sex — and not just penetrative – are taking place more frequently thanks to access to other perspectives via social media, more resources widely available online, and more inclusive language and terms to describe sex that exist now that didn’t even just 15 years ago. It feels as though there is much more room to expand, no matter what age you or your partner are.

For myself, as someone who speaks openly about and has been in an age-gap relationship for over five years, it seems clear that I (and my partner) are continually learning more about ourselves, sexually and beyond, no matter our ages. Being with someone outside of our respective age brackets only amplifies that.

So, what’s the sex like? Brilliant, beautiful, sexy, fun, expanding, and growing.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Misconceptions about older adults’ sexuality can cause ageist beliefs.

— Here’s what one study found

Many people assume aging means losing interest in sex. A recent study sheds light on the misconceptions surrounding older adults’ sexual lives.

Society’s beliefs about aging and sex are complex and vary widely, but one common belief is that disinterest in sex is a standard part of aging. A recent study explores how misconceptions like these can complicate the acceptance of older adults’ sexual lives.

The study surveyed 270 young adults, ages 18 to 35, about their perceptions of sexuality in older adulthood, general attitudes towards sex and sex as a leisure activity. It was conducted by Liza Berdychevsky, professor of recreation, sport and tourism at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, and Iulia Fratila, an assistant professor of global and community health at George Mason University.

“The entire premise is: How do we combat ageism?” Berdychevsky said.

The study found that young adults have a moderate level of knowledge and are typically open-minded regarding later-life sexuality. But it also revealed the ageist views and misconceptions that can potentially harm older adults’ sexual expression.

More than one in four young adults surveyed incorrectly believed that sex might increase the chance of heart attacks for older folks. About 12% mistakenly thought that sex in later years could be bad for health overall. And roughly one in five were under the wrong impression that older men and women can’t be partners to each other for sex, thinking instead that they need younger partners for any sexual connection.

Older adults can internalize ageism, Fratila said, leading them to limit their willingness and confidence to seek help if issues with their sexual life do arise.

“We see a lot in movies, that older adults become asexual, or that it’s a dirty, creepy phenomenon to have sexual interest still as you get older,” Fratila said. “It might just hurt their psychological well-being and self-esteem, being marginalized or stereotyped in that way.”

It’s a shame, she said, because these false ideas “[don’t] allow people to actually pursue the maximum health that they can, given that sexual health is a part of our overall well-being.”

In an earlier study, Berdychevsky spoke with older adults about ageist beliefs they’ve encountered. Many said that at least some of these ideas came from uninformed health care providers or close family members — like adult children — who did not appreciate the idea of their parents having sexual relations.

The new study also found that some participants would be reluctant to admit a relative to a nursing home that allowed and supported sexual activity among its residents.

“I think they should view it through the lens of: Am I infringing on my relative’s sexual expression rights? And if the answer is yes, then rethink your position,” Berdychevsky said. “It’s up to them. The infrastructure for privacy and intimacy and sexual relationships need to be provided, and then it’s up to older adults whether to take advantage of that.”

Illinois Student Newsroom spoke with young people on the campus of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, to see what they thought about the topic of aging and sex.

UIUC freshman Seher Bhaskar said sex is seen as taboo for older generations.

“It’s that idea that there’s a prime of your age – the idea that a senior citizen is not as capable as someone who’s younger,” Bhaskar said. “So we just feel that they’re just not part of normal life, so they shouldn’t be doing those ‘un-innocent’ activities.”

Numerous research studies show that sexual activity in later life has numerous health benefits, including improved cardiovascular function, relaxation, and decreased pain sensitivity and depressive symptoms. Fratila also noted the psychological and social benefits.

“It doesn’t stop after our reproductive years,” Fratila said. “This is something that can be a glue for relationships, it can be something that’s empowering for individuals when they’re able to practice safe sex, and sex that is adaptable to where they are in their life stage. It doesn’t have to look like how it [did] when you were younger.”

When asked what age they thought adults stopped having sex, Alex Lopez, a UIUC freshman, guessed somewhere in their 30s.

“I have no idea,” they said. “At least for me in middle school, I had no sex ed, and then in high school as well. I got educated by a friend of mine during a free period in a classroom.”

Berdychevsky said the next steps are to focus on developing appropriate sexual health education throughout life.

“It has to be tailored to [a] particular life stage with the focus that there’s no expiration date on sexuality,” Berdychevsky said. “It’s not only older adults. It’s not only younger adults. [Sex] can continue to be enjoyed, perhaps differently at every life stage, but it still comes with all its benefits.”

Better sexual education of young people, the researchers said, could help alleviate fears many young people have about mortality and aging.

Mallory Miller, a junior at UIUC, said she believes more representation would also be beneficial. 

“We only hear about sex with people who have the ‘perfect’ bodies or early 20-year-olds or college students,” Miller said. “You don’t even realize that it happens at all ages. I think it’d be great if we could change that mental imagery to something that’s more inclusive.”

Currently, Berdychevsky is spearheading another project – an app with tailored sexual health education messages for older adults. Her team has already developed 30 modules and is working on an algorithm and screener.

“Every good thing in our life requires some work, and ageist stereotypes tend to inhibit some people’s ability to do that work because it’s not viewed as worthy or as appropriate or whatnot,” Berdychevsky said. “Removing that ageist inhibition is so crucially important, so that people could act upon their change in needs and desires and get that fulfillment that they’re looking for.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Here’s How Sex and Intimacy Help You Live Longer

— Says Molly Maloof, M.D.

By Molly Maloof

For many, sex is fun and pleasurable—but it’s also pretty important to human existence. Sex plays a significant role in individual well-being, and perhaps even longevity.

Unfortunately, some public health organizations and entities continue to advertise not-so-positive outcomes after having sex, such as sexually transmitted infections, unintended pregnancy, sexual dysfunction, and more. This outdated narrative and outlook on sex (note: sex therapy hasn’t been reinvented since the 1960s, per the American Psychological Association) can be damaging as it overlooks the fact that sexual pleasure is a distinct element of well-being.

Sexual pleasure can play a key role in nurturing healthy relationships and, ultimately, extending your lifespan. In fact, having a good sex life has been shown to improve physical and mental well-being, both of which help you have a vibrant life overall.

Here are just five ways maintaining, or improving, your sex life can have profound effects on your overall health.

5 Benefits of Sex and Intimacy

Although sex and intimacy are often used interchangeably, they’re actually two different things.

Here’s the deal: Intimacy involves openness and acceptance between partners (this can be emotional, such as communicating about what you don’t like, or physical, like post-sex cuddling). On the other hand, sex is solely the physical activity—and of course, it’s possible to have sex without intimacy and vice versa.

1. It Maintains Quality of Life

Research shows that sexual health can improve your quality of life (no big surprise there!) — even if you’re older in age. As a result, it can increase your lifespan, too.

In fact, 62.2 percent of men and 42.8 percent of women reported that sexual health was highly important to quality of life in a 2016 study of 3,515 adults in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. And, people in excellent health had higher satisfaction with their sex lives than those who had fair or poor health. Based on these results, the study authors note that sexual health screenings should be a routine part of physician visits—so if your doc doesn’t bring it up, make sure you do.

Meanwhile, those ages 65 and older who said their sexual relationship was “sufficient” reported better quality of life and lower incidence of sexual dysfunction than those who described their relationship as “moderate” or “poor,” according to a 2023 study. This was also true for those who considered themselves attractive and had sex frequently with their partner or spouse.

What do these studies suggest? When your sex life is better, your overall outlook on life may improve too.

2. It Contributes to Satisfying Relationships & Mental Health

Sexual activity may also contribute to longevity by making your relationships more stable and satisfying—and by boosting your mental health.

Sexual satisfaction is a main factor in predicting relationship satisfaction in both men and women, according to a small-scale study, found in a 2023 issue of the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. For women, interpersonal closeness was also important (measured by statements like “I always consider my partner when making important decisions” or “I miss my partner when we are apart”).

In addition, one 2019 study revealed that frequent, longer lasting bouts of sex was associated with higher sexual satisfaction, which in turn, lead to stronger relationships. This was true for all relationship types, including same-sex, mixed-sex, and gender-diverse relationships.

Beyond its physical implications, sexual activity and intimacy can also contribute to mental health, something that’s increasingly understood to influence longevity.

Researchers examined the impact of sexual activity (or lack thereof) in a study published in a 2021 issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine. They found that people who didn’t have sex during the COVID-19-related lockdown had a 27 percent higher risk of developing anxiety and a 34 percent higher chance of depression compared to those who did.

3. It May Reduce the Risk of Cancer & Heart Disease

A great sex life can also keep your prostate—and other parts of your body—healthy.

Scientists monitored the frequency of orgasms in nearly 32,000 men over an 18-year period in a 2016 study published in European Urology. Their findings suggested that a higher frequency of orgasms was associated with a reduced risk of developing prostate cancer later in life.

More specifically, men (both in their 20s and 40s) who reported 21 or more orgasms per month had about 20 percent lower risk of developing prostate cancer compared to those who ejaculated four to seven times per month.

What’s more? Engaging in a vibrant sexual life also seems to benefit heart health, even in those with heart disease, per a study from a 2022 issue of the European Journal of Preventive Cardiology.

Heart attack patients who reported having sex at least once per week had a slightly lower risk of dying from heart disease (though more research is needed to determine if that lowered risk is statistically significant) and a more notable 44 percent lower risk of dying from non-heart disease causes—compared to those who had sex less. This is even after researchers adjusted for additional factors, including age, gender, partner status, and smoking.

4. It Can Boost Your Immune System

Research suggests sex can support your immune system, as it offers a shield against illnesses and bolsters your resilience to viruses.

In a study, found in a 2021 issue of Fertility and Sterility, researchers assigned 16,000 participants to one of two groups: those who reported having sex more than three times per month and those who reported having sex less than three times per month. They found that 76.6 percent of those in the first group did not get infected with COVID-19 over the course of four months—and even those who did get infected tended to have milder cases than those in the second group, where nearly half of the group got infected.

These findings suggest that as your sexual activity increases, your immune system may be better equipped to combat pathogens. But of course, sexual activity alone can’t prevent infectious disease, so be sure to take all appropriate measures to avoid infections like COVID-19—particularly if you’re at high risk for serious disease.

5. It May Independently Extend Your Lifespan

While factors like quality of life, a strong immune system, and lowered risk of cancer may all contribute to your longevity, research shows that sex alone may be able to extend your lifespan.

For instance, the findings from a study—found in a 2022 issue of the Journal of Applied Gerontology—showed that sexual well-being was positively associated with longevity in those who perceived sexuality as important to them.

Although research suggests your desire to have sex may begin to decline as you get older, plenty of men and women continue to have sex semi-regularly as they enter those later decades of life. Among those aged 80 and older, 19 percent of men and 32 percent of women reported having sex frequently (which is described as twice a month or more), according to a study from a 2015 edition of Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Why Viagra has been linked with better brain health

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Viagra can be a wonder drug for men with erectile dysfunction, helping them maintain their sex lives as they age. Now new research suggests the little blue pill may also be beneficial to aging brains.

The findings are based on a massive study of nearly 270,000 middle-aged men in Britain. Researchers at University College London used electronic medical records to track the health of the men, who were all 40 or older and had been diagnosed with erectile dysfunction between 2000 and 2017. Each man’s health and prescriptions were tracked for at least a year, although the median follow-up time was 5.1 years.

During the study, 1,119 men in the cohort were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

The researchers noticed a distinctive pattern. The men who were prescribed Viagra or a similar drug had an 18 percent lower risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease, compared with men who weren’t given the medication.

The researchers also found an even larger difference in men who appeared to use Viagra more often. Among the highest users, based on total prescriptions, the risk of being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s was 44 percent lower. (Men with erectile dysfunction are instructed to only take Viagra before sex, and no more than once a day.)

“I’m excited by the findings but more excited because I feel this could lead to further, high-quality studies in a disease area that needs more work,” said Ruth Brauer, a lecturer in pharmacoepidemiology at the University College London School of Pharmacy and the principal investigator of the study.

There’s a limit to how much we can conclude from the study results. The findings show an association between lower Alzheimer’s risk and Viagra use, but don’t prove cause and effect. For instance, it may be that Viagra use is a marker for better overall health, and that men who have more sex also are more physically active as well. Physical activity is independently associated with a lower risk of Alzheimer’s disease, Brauer said.

Why Viagra may be linked with a lower risk of dementia

Sildenafil, the generic name for Viagra, was never supposed to be a sex drug. Pfizer had developed the drug as a cardiovascular medication to treat hypertension and chest pain called angina. The company had been conducting clinical trials using sildenafil as a heart medication when some patients reported an unexpected side-effect — erections.

Viagra is part of a class of drugs known as phosphodiesterase Type 5 Inhibitors, or PDE-5 drugs. The drugs work by dilating blood vessels and increasing blood flow throughout the body, including to the penis. Since its discovery as an erectile dysfunction treatment, sildenafil also has been used to treat pulmonary arterial hypertension for both men and women.

The link between heart health and sexual health is strong. Erectile dysfunction can be an early warning sign of coronary artery disease. And an unhealthy vascular system is one of the reasons men start having problems with erections.

Vascular risk factors have also been linked to certain types of dementia, including Alzheimer’s disease, so researchers have been intrigued about whether erectile dysfunction treatments can affect brain health as well.

Animal studies of PDE-5 inhibitors have shown the drug may help prevent cognitive impairment by, in part, increasing blood flow in the brain, but researchers who conducted a review of the available research say the efficacy of the class of drugs “remains unclear.” And Brauer said the findings in animals are only “possible mechanisms” in humans.

“There is an idea that if we can help with improving blood flow in the brain, maybe we can also reduce the risk for Alzheimer’s disease,” said Sevil Yasar, an associate professor of medicine at Johns Hopkins University and the co-author of an editorial that accompanied the study in Neurology.

Other reasons for the effect

Stanton Honig, a professor of urology at Yale School of Medicine, said the newest study is far from definitive. “You can’t draw any conclusions” from the study because “there are so many other factors” at play besides whether a man takes a pill for erectile dysfunction.

“Someone who is more likely to take a pill like that at 70, they’re probably more active, they’re more likely involved with their partners, things like that,” Honig said. “There’s too many confounding variables to make a definitive statement that it’s the pills or it’s the patients that are taking the pills that are less likely to be neurologically impaired.”

Brauer said the average “pack” per prescription is four tablets. But it’s not clear if the men took all the tablets prescribed and, if so, how often.

“We do not know if people used the prescribed drugs as intended nor could we measure sexual activity or physical activity levels,” Brauer said. “We need further studies to show if our results would hold up in a group of men without erectile dysfunction and — even better — it would be better to run our study in a group of men and women.”

Previous studies on different populations have come to somewhat contradictory conclusions. A Cleveland Clinic study found a significantly reduced risk of Alzheimer’s disease among those using sildenafil, said Feixiong Cheng, the director of the Cleveland Clinic Genome Center and the principal investigator of the study. But a study by researchers at Harvard Medical School and the National Institute on Aging found “no association” between the use of sildenafil, or other PDE-5 inhibitors, and the risk of Alzheimer’s disease, said Rishi Desai, an associate professor at Harvard Medical School.

More study is needed

Rebecca Edelmayer, the senior director of scientific engagement for the Alzheimer’s Association, said in an email that it remains unclear whether Viagra and similar drugs have an effect on Alzheimer’s risk. “Further research and specifically designed, randomized clinical trials are a necessary step,” she said.

For now, the findings don’t suggest that men should start taking Viagra if they don’t need it. But we do know that Viagra is an effective treatment for erectile dysfunction, and men who are experiencing the problem should see a doctor and discuss both their sexual health and cardiovascular health.

“You should not take Viagra to reduce your risk,” Yasar said. “You should eat healthy. You should exercise. There’s plenty of evidence for that.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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6 Questions to Ask Your Doctor About Sex after 50

— Vaginal dryness, erection challenges, safe sex and more

By Ellen Uzelac

With most physicians ill prepared to talk about sexual health and many patients too embarrassed or ashamed to broach the subject, sex has become this thing we don’t discuss in the examining room.

“So many doctors talk about the benefits of nutrition, sleep, exercise — but they don’t talk about this one really essential thing we all share: our sexuality,” says Evelin Dacker, a family physician in Salem, Oregon, who is dedicated to normalizing sexual health in routine care. “We need to start having this conversation.”

Starting the conversation about sexual health

Sexual wellness experts suggest first talking about a physical problem such as a dry vagina or erectile challenges and then segueing into concerns about desire, low libido and intimacy.

As Joshua Gonzalez, a urologist and sexual medicine physician in Los Angeles, observes: “Patients sometimes need to be their own advocates. If you feel something in your sex life is not happening the way you would like it to, or if you are not able to perform sexually as you would like, never assume that this is somehow normal or inevitable.”

Often, there are physiological issues at play or medications that can alter your sexual experience. “If you’re interested in having sex,” Gonzalez says, “there are often real solutions for whatever the problem may be.”

Here are six questions to help steer the conversation in the right direction.

1. What can I do about unreliable erections?

Erectile dysfunction is common in older men — 50 percent of men in their 50s will experience erectile challenges, Gonzalez says, and 60 percent of men in their 60s, 70 percent of men in their 70s, and on up the ladder.

The good news: There are fixes. “This doesn’t mean giving up on having pleasurable sex at a certain age,” Gonzalez says. The two primary things he evaluates are hormone balance and blood flow to the penis. A treatment plan is then designed based on those results.

Some older men also find it often takes time and effort to ejaculate. Gonzalez suggests decoupling the idea of ejaculation and orgasm. What many men don’t realize: You can have an orgasm with a soft penis and without releasing any fluid at all. “Your orgasm — the pleasure component — is not going to change.”

Also good to know: Sexual health is a marker of overall health. As an example, erectile dysfunction can be a predictor of undiagnosed health issues such as heart disease and diabetes years before any other symptoms arise, says Gonzalez.

2. Sex is different now. My body is no longer young but I still have sexual urges. How do I accommodate this new normal?

Dacker often asks her older patients: How is the quality of your intimacy? Is it what you want it to be? Have you noticed a shift as you’ve gotten older and what does that mean to you?

“Naturally, as we age our bodies start working differently,” she says. “I like to reframe what it means to be sexual by expanding our intimate life, doing things that maybe you haven’t thought of doing before.”

Dacker, who teaches courses on how to be a sex-positive health care provider, suggests exploring each other in new ways: dancing, eye gazing, washing one another while bathing, giving hands-free coconut oil massages using your stomach, arms and chest. She’s also a fan of self-pleasure.

“There’s so much pleasure that doesn’t involve penetration, orgasm and erections,” she adds. “It’s not about performance, it’s about pleasure.”

3. My vagina hurts when I have penetrative sex to the point that I’m now avoiding it. What can I do?

A lack of estrogen in older women can cause the vaginal wall to get really thin, resulting in dryness, irritation and bleeding when there is friction.

“It can be uncomfortable with or without sex,” says Katharine O’Connell White, associate professor of OB/GYN at Boston University and vice chair of academics and the associate director of the Complex Family Planning Fellowship at Boston Medical Center. “What people don’t realize is that what they’re feeling is so incredibly common. A majority of postmenopausal women will experience this.”

White offers a three-part solution for vaginal dryness: If you’re sexually active — and even if you’ve never used a lubricant before — add a water-based lube during sex play. Also, consider using an estrogen-free vaginal moisturizer, sold in stores and online, to help restore the vaginal lining. Finally, think about adding back the estrogen that the body is craving through medically prescribed tablets, rings or creams that are inserted into the vagina.

White also advises patients to engage in 20 to 30 minutes of foreplay before penis-in-vagina sex. “The whole body changes and the vagina gets wet, wider and longer, which can go a long way to alleviating any discomfort,” she says.

4. Urinary incontinence is interfering with my sex life. How can I control it?

Because the bladder is seated on top of the vagina, the thinning of the vaginal wall can also impact the bladder. When you urinate, it can burn or you will want to pee more often, symptoms typical of a urinary tract infection, according to White.

Some women feel like they need to urinate during sex, which, as White says, “can pull you out of the mood.” Her advice? “Pee before sex and pee after sex.” She also suggests using vaginal estrogen to plump up the walls of the vagina and, by extension, the bladder.

5. I’m interested in dating again. What screenings for sexual wellness should I get — and require of a new partner?

Fully understanding the importance of reducing your risk for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) should be front and center as you reenter the dating scene, according to nurse practitioner Jeffrey Kwong, a professor at the School of Nursing at Rutgers University and clinical ambassador for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s “Let’s Stop HIV Together” campaign. 

“Individuals should be screened if they’re engaging in any sort of sexual activity — oral, vaginal, anal — because many times, some of these conditions can be asymptomatic,” he says. “You can transmit without symptoms and vice versa.”

Screening may involve a urine or blood test or swabs of the vagina, throat or rectum. With STIs soaring in older adults, Kwong suggests testing for HIV, hepatitis C, hepatitis B, chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis. In early 2024, the CDC reported that syphilis cases had reached their highest level since the 1950s.

6. My doctor was dismissive when I brought up sex, basically saying, At your age, what do you expect? What should I do now?

Sex is a special part of life no matter how old you are. “If you’re with a doctor who brushes aside any of your concerns, it’s time to find a new doctor,” White says.

Finding a good doctor, she adds, is no different from looking for an accomplished hair stylist or a reliable mechanic: Ask your friends.

“I’m horrified when I hear about things like this,” she adds. “Any good doctor really wants you to bring up the things that concern you.“

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True romance

— How to keep the love alive when sex has gone

Fantasising about other people? Wishing your partner was younger or fitter? It doesn’t have to mean the end of the relationship

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It’s rare for intense sexual chemistry to last. “We don’t talk about it enough,” says the relationship therapist Cate Campbell, “but it’s very normal for attraction to wane in a long-term relationship, especially as people get older and bodies change. Even if you love and care for your partner, you may fantasise about other people or wish they were younger or fitter. Mother nature tricks our brains into only seeing the positives when we start dating, but that wears off over time.”

Some people find that loss of sexual connection is a dealbreaker, especially when it’s accompanied by other problems in the relationship. “If couples get out of the habit of being intimate,” Campbell says, “it can make them more critical of each other’s flaws.”

But it is possible to keep love alive, and even reignite that sexual spark.

Communicate openly

According to psychotherapist Kamalyn Kaur, nothing is more important in relationships than old-fashioned communication. “If you find the sex is missing, have an open conversation about it. Try bringing it up in a non-pressurised environment – like when you’re walking or cooking together. This creates a bit of space so you don’t have to answer questions right away.”

Taking the time to think about what’s caused the physical rift helps couples engage with what’s going on, and consider other forms of intimacy. It’s something that worked for Claire, 36, who has been with her partner for 10 years.

“When the sex went from our relationship a couple of years ago, we talked about it openly,” she says. “He told me that he didn’t fancy me, and I appreciated his honesty. We got together after running a business together so we’d never had that intense honeymoon period. Our relationship was built on mutual trust and enjoying each other’s company, but it got harder during Covid because we had the stress of trying to keep the business going.”

They separated briefly, but soon realised they didn’t want to be apart. “Ultimately, we are partners in life and have always supported each other in everything. For me, being able to have honest, open communication in a life you’ve built together is more important than sex.”

With so much history behind them, Claire found that focusing on their memories and achievements strengthened their bond. “Our relationship is based on achieving things as a team. To support that love, we’ve continued being intimate in other ways, such as hugging, sharing a bed and spending quality time together outside work.”

After two years without sexual contact, the intimacy between them is starting to grow. “It might come back even more when our child leaves home later in life. But for now I appreciate what we have, how well he treats me, and how he supports me through mental health challenges. People think the grass is always greener, but it takes time to build lasting intimacy and I don’t want to throw all that away.”

Kaur agrees that celebrating milestones can be a fantastic way to stop partners from taking each other for granted and recognise the evolution of their relationship. “It can be anniversaries or things you’ve achieved as a couple, such as having children or buying a home together. I recommend writing these things down because it encourages reflection and it helps to build positive memories. You can also try writing down your partner’s best qualities to remind yourself why you were drawn to them in the first place.”

Tackle the weak spots in your relationship

Unlike food and shelter, sexual chemistry isn’t No 1 in the hierarchy of human needs. Relationships coach Katarina Polonska, who specialises in supporting high-achieving couples, says that grappling to achieve the “big ticket” items in life, such as a good career or building a home, can mean people deprioritise their partner, leading to a loss of sexual interest. “To feel in love after the honeymoon period is a choice – it’s not something we can expect to last,” she says. “To make that choice, we have to make room to feel desire and love. The first thing I ask couples when they’re losing desire for each other is whether there are any other stressors in their life, such as work or caring duties.”

For couples who identify this as a problem, making more time for each other can help them reconnect and regain that sexual chemistry. “Another common reason that people stop fancying their partner is due to past resentments and unresolved relationship issues. These can be tiny microaggressions, but over time they grow into something bigger.”

She recommends that couples take at least 30 minutes each week to try the “three things” exercise. “You share three things you appreciate and three things you need the person to know, for example times you didn’t feel seen or heard, or something that has rocked your trust. Then you share three things that you need, such as acts of romance or help around the house. It’s important not to judge, but give each other space to share.”

Build an intimacy routine

Intimacy is often associated with sex, but Campbell points out that it can be so much more than that. “To keep a loving relationship going without sex, it’s important to build an intimacy routine, for example hugging and kissing before you go out. Sometimes applying a sex ban can be helpful to take the pressure off completely and see what happens when you try holding hands or just cuddling on the sofa.”

She adds that if partners still care about each other, spending quality time together is likely to improve the relationship, and those feelings of sexual chemistry could return – even after years without it.

For some couples, practising intimacy exercises can bring them closer together. Clinical psychologist Dr Patapia Tzotzoli says that mindfulness during intimate moments can help to rebuild attraction between couples. “Hugging meditation involves taking a deep breath and visualising your partner 200 years from now. This mental exercise helps people to appreciate that life is precious and enables them to cherish what they have right now.”

Through the simple act of staying in the moment, couples shift their attention back to each other and their relationship. “It can help them to replace the negative feelings with more positive ones and make them more able to interact with each other with kindness and patience.”

Try something new

One of the reasons that attraction between couples can dwindle is the lack of variety. The mundanity of day-to-day life, coupled with the stress of working can leave little time for excitement. Tzotzoli recommends taking up a new hobby or trying something different. “By focusing on personal growth, you’re nurturing your own sense of fulfilment. It can enrich each partner’s individuality, which will contribute positively to the relationship.”

Over time, that renewed sense of self can lead to increased attraction and appreciation for each other. She also suggests trying new activities as a couple, such as dance classes, cooking classes or anything else that pushes you out of your routine.

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From the ‘Third Date Rule’ to Sex Ed

— Boomer Sex and Dating Trends

Getting married again is not popular. But getting intimate after a few dates is, says a new Kinsey/Match study

By Ellen Uzelac

Most single boomers say they’re ready to get intimate with a new partner by the third date – a practice so common that it’s been dubbed “The Third Date Rule.”

​​That’s just one of the many trends in dating for older adults found in the latest “Singles in America” study, released by Match in conjunction with the Kinsey Institute, an esteemed educational research institute that is part of Indiana University. ​​

Among other key data points for adults ages 59-77: an overall preference for sexual monogamy, a desire to know more about consent and, for many, a sex drought.

​​“Regarding the new data, I’m kind of hopeful,” says Justin Garcia, an evolutionary biologist and sex researcher who is executive director of the Kinsey Institute and also a professor with Indiana University’s Department of Gender Studies. “These are things we can think critically about and implement to make our romantic and sexual lives more fulfilling.” ​​

Here are the chief takeaways for older adults:​​

The third date rule. Sixty-six percent of singles said they were amenable to cuddling by the third date and 58 percent were up for a make-out session. Roughly one-third reported being comfortable with getting naked, touching each other’s naked bodies, performing and receiving oral sex, having vaginal or anal sexual intercourse, and discussing their sexual likes and dislikes. ​​

“Many people give themselves self-imposed rules to guide their behavior in dating,” says Garcia, who coauthored the book Evolution of Sexual Behavior and has served as a scientific adviser for Match.com since 2010. “We are freer than ever to date and love and be intimate with whomever we want, but that freedom and openness can lead to a lack of clarity. I think having rules is a good thing. People, especially in dating, can be nervous, anxious, scared, excited. It gives you a rough goalpost.” ​​

Sex education. Forty-three percent of boomers say more sex ed in their younger years would have helped them have healthier and happier relationships today. Two key missing pieces are that 45 percent said they never learned about how to give or get consent and 49 percent never learned how to talk about sex in general. ​​

“The goal is to make sure people of all ages have the tools to engage in sex in ways that are safe, consensual and fulfilling,” Garcia says. “It’s never too late to invest in learning about the role of sexuality in our lives. For older populations, this information is still so important.” ​​

Garcia suggests talking to a medical professional about sex or accessing academic lectures on aging and sex. “People underestimate the value of stories and articles,” he adds. “If you look for the information, you’ll find it. Don’t be afraid to read the article. Stay informed about how to make sure sex is still pleasurable and satisfying.” ​​

Sexual relationship styles. Just over half of boomers say that traditional sexual monogamy is their ideal sexual relationship and that the three most important factors in a healthy romantic relationship are trust, mutual respect and effective communication. ​​

Few, around 2 percent, identified their ideal relationship as multiple committed partners in an open or consensual nonmonogamous relationship; and 4 percent say uncommitted sexual partners (e.g. hookups, one-night stands) are their ideal. Only about 1 percent want sex via internet or in a virtual reality environment. And 9 percent said their preference was a “friends with benefits” mode.

Nearly 60 percent said they felt empowered and comfortable asking a sexual partner for what they want. ​​

Only 10 percent of single boomers who have been married want to marry again. ​​

Sex drought. A majority of older singles, 74 percent, reported having had no sex in the last 12 months, and 28 percent said “no sexual relationship” was their preferred status. (By comparison, 21 percent of the 5,000-plus U.S. singles age 18-77 identified no relationship as their ideal.) ​​

Although the frequency of sexual activity has declined in a lot of national samples, Garcia says that doesn’t necessarily translate into a lack of interest in having a sexual partner. ​​

He attributes the sex drought in large measure to the stresses in people’s lives today – financial challenges, concern about infectious diseases, recovering from the global trauma of COVID, the loneliness epidemic.

​​“That’s a lot of weight,” he adds. “The psychological and social stress that people feel is not conducive to sexual desire. It’s a good reminder that when we’re stressed, we might lose our sexual desire.” ​ ​​​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​

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Can You Have a Sex Life After Breast Cancer?

— Experts Say Yes.

With patience and treatment, you and your partner can rekindle your sexual spark.

You may find yourself facing physical changes and emotional challenges, but you can overcome them.

By Abby McCoy, RN

If you’ve recently gone through lifesaving breast cancer treatment, you may be looking forward to better days ahead. But as you try to get back to “normal life,” you might notice a change in your libido.

“Cancer treatment across the board can take a significant toll on the body, and breast cancer is no different,” says Gabriel Cartagena, PhD, a clinical psychologist at Smilow Cancer Hospital at Yale New Haven and an assistant professor at Yale School of Medicine in New Haven, Connecticut.

About 60 to 70 percent of breast cancer survivors report sexuality issues after treatment, according to a study published in 2019 in Breast Cancer, so if you’re having that experience, know that many other women are, too. We asked the experts and have some treatments and tips to help you fire up your sex life after breast cancer.

How Breast Cancer Affects Your Libido

So you can understand how to combat a low libido after breast cancer treatment and take back your sexuality, let’s look at the causes.

Premature Menopause

Several cancer therapies can lead to premature menopause, according to a study published in 2022 in the Journal of Clinical Medicine. Chemotherapy and radiation therapy, for example, can decrease hormone levels in your body and make your menstrual cycle slow down or stop altogether, says Mary Jane Minkin, MD, a codirector of the sexuality, intimacy, and menopause program for cancer survivors at Yale Cancer Center and Smilow Cancer Hospital. For women whose breast cancer is fueled by estrogen, treatment may include medication to block the production of estrogen, or surgical removal of the ovaries. These measures, too, can bring on premature menopause. With menopause symptoms like hot flashes, insomnia, and dry mouth, sex may be the last thing on your mind.

Emotional Distress

A breast cancer diagnosis comes with a lot of emotions. Women diagnosed with breast cancer can be at a higher risk for mental health issues like depression and anxiety, neither of which are conducive to a high libido, according to a study published in 2021.

Vaginal Dryness

When your estrogen takes a nosedive during and after treatment, your vagina can become very dry, says Dr. Minkin. Lack of lubrication in this area can make sex uncomfortable or even painful, according to the American Cancer Society (ACS).

Painful Sex

Painful sex can also arise from pelvic floor dysfunction, which means the muscles in and around your pelvis can be too tight or too loose. That’s according to the research published in the Journal of Clinical Medicine, which also found that women may experience chronic pelvic pain syndrome (unexplained pain in your pelvis) after breast cancer treatment.

Body Changes

If you have had surgery or other body changes during treatment, such as removal or reconstruction of one or both breasts, you may not feel like revealing the new you in a sexual encounter, and new or missing sensations can make it hard to get in the mood. “Many women who have lost breast tissue, particularly if they have lost nipples, may feel [less] sensation in their breasts, and many women find breast stimulation important for sex,” says Minkin.

How to Get Your Groove Back

This list may feel discouraging to read, but you shouldn’t lose hope. “The important thing is that we can help with most of these issues,” says Minkin.

Medications Minkin recommends nonhormonal (estrogen-free) medications to help with symptoms of early menopause. “An over-the-counter herbal product called Ristela can help improve pelvic blood flow and enhance libido,” Minkin says. One meta-analysis published in 2021 found that women who took Ristela and similar products that contain the amino acid L-arginine experienced more sexual arousal, better lubrication, more frequent orgasms, and less discomfort or pain. Many participants reported no side effects at all, but a few experienced an upset stomach, heavier menstrual bleeding, and headache.

“Women can also consult with their providers about using prescription nonhormonal medications called flibanserin (Addyi) or bremelanotide (Vyleesi),” Minkin says. Addyi may be less effective than other options, and can cause fatigue and drowsiness, according to a meta-analysis published in 2022 in Sexual Medicine. Vyleesi, on the other hand, has shown more promise, according to a study published in 2019, with uncommon mild side effects like nausea, flushing, and headaches.

If your low libido stems from feelings of depression or anxiety, medications, often in combination with psychotherapy, are an option you can discuss with your healthcare provider.

Vaginal moisturizers For vaginal dryness, Minkin often suggests over-the-counter nonhormonal vaginal moisturizers, like Replens and Revaree, which are inserted into the vagina with an applicator a few times a week. “[These] work very nicely for many women,” Minkin says.

Toys A vibrator or similar device could be a worthwhile investment. They can boost sensation and increase blood flow to your pelvis, says Minkin, both of which can amplify desire.

Therapy One or more sessions with a counselor can be helpful, says Minkin. Sexual health counselors often use cognitive behavioral techniques to discover the “why” behind your low libido, and help you unlock thought patterns that may be blocking your sexual drive, according to a study published in 2020. Therapy is also an effective treatment for depression and anxiety.

Vaginal hormones Hormone replacement therapy is often used to treat menopause symptoms. But if you’ve had breast cancer, it may increase the risk that it will come back, especially if your cancer is sensitive to hormones. With vaginal hormonal treatments, a cream, tablet, or ring containing low-dose estrogen is placed directly in your vagina to aid lubrication and strengthen the vaginal lining. Because much less estrogen gets into your bloodstream, this option is generally considered safe, according to the North American Menopause Society. Your healthcare provider can help you decide if hormone treatments are right for you.

Get Reacquainted With Your Body

Breast cancer treatment can leave you feeling like you’re living in a stranger’s body. “A stark change like a mastectomy can leave women feeling separated from themselves,” says Dr. Cartagena. But every woman can get to know and accept her new body.

Reintroduce Yourself Gradually

“The process to reknow your body takes time and begins in small steps,” says Cartagena, who suggests a first step could be to get dressed in the morning with the lights on. After a few days or weeks of this, you might try spending 10 seconds observing your body in the mirror.

“Exposing yourself to your body little by little can allow you to gradually grieve what is different and take notice of what is new that is still important to you,” explains Cartagena.

Reframe Your Sexual Desires

Sex after cancer may look different, and mourning lost sensations is very important, says Cartagena. Looking forward, he encourages breast cancer survivors to study what sex means to them by asking questions like, “What feels good now?”

“If penetrative sex still evokes pain, a patient can explore foreplay, different forms of stimulation, or other forms of intimacy to induce different, fulfilling sensations,” says Cartegena. Sex doesn’t have to mean one thing — it can be whatever you need or want it to be.

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The sexual health checkup older adults didn’t know they needed

— STD cases have risen among adults age 65 and older. Should you get screened?

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Adults have sex at every age, so it follows that STDs can spread at every age. But my older patients who have new sexual partners are sometimes bewildered when I ask if they want to get screened.

It’s healthy to be sexually active as an older adult, and it correlates with greater enjoyment of life. My patients tell me that nursing homes can present really exciting opportunities to make new friends in this regard.

In fact, 40 percent of adults aged 65-80 are sexually active and about 10 percent of people older than 90 are sexually active, though it bears noting that the latter figure is based on a survey limited to one municipality in Sweden.

But STDs spare no one. Few people I’ve seen whose STD testing comes back positive were expecting that result. And from 2007 to 2017, STD cases more than doubled among adults age 65 and over.

That is why it is important to get screened and always use a condom. Condoms are infrequently utilized among older people, but they do reduce, yet not eliminate, risk of STDs.

Why are STD cases rising among older adults?

Researchers speculate STD cases are rising simply because older adults are having more sex than in generations past.

One factor at play is how people are meeting each other and forming relationships, including with web- or app-based dating services that are increasingly attracting older people.

The market for devices and medications that address sexual health problems is also flourishing — and not just for men. In the past several years, the Food and Drug Administration has approved more treatments aimed at postmenopausal women who may have trouble with sex due to vaginal dryness and pain.

This all may be impacting how often older adults have sex and subsequently get STDs. After the introduction of sildenafil — known by the brand name Viagra — in 1998, for example, the risk of STDs increased significantly among widowed men.

How do I know if I need STD screening?

The United States Preventive Services Task Force advises all women aged 24 and younger to get screened for gonorrhea and chlamydia regularly — and thereafter, when you have new sexual partners or other situations that increase risk. Everyone should be tested for HIV at least once. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends men who have sex with men to get screened at least once a year for syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea and HIV.

But there’s a lot of leeway among other groups, so much of STD screening is left to common sense.

Here’s my advice:

  • Got a new partner? I’d check.
  • Have multiple recent partners? Let’s definitely check.
  • Got a new partner who only had one prior long-term partner before you? You know me. If it were me, I’d check.
  • Found out your partner has been cheating? You know the drill (and I’m truly so sorry).
  • Just oral or anal sex? You can still get STDs. Shall we check?

In other words, if you’re even thinking about getting screened, just do it.

What STDs should I get screened for?

Chlamydia and gonorrhea are two classic STDs that have been rising among older adults in recent years. There were more than 2,000 cases of each among people 65 and older in 2017. Syphilis, while rarer, is also rising in this population, and in 2018, the majority of people diagnosed with HIV were age 50 and older.

There are also other conditions that get less attention, such as trichomoniasis and bacterial vaginosis (the latter is not quite considered an STD but is linked to sexual activity). Both can produce a distinctive “fishy” smelling discharge in women. Discuss which STDs to check for with your health-care provider since your personal history plays a role as well.

What STD symptoms should I look out for?

Sure, painful genital sores raise a red flag pretty quickly, but most people with STDs don’t actually have any symptoms. If you have symptoms like burning with urination, itching or unusual discharge, consider the possibility of an STD with your provider before immediately presuming it’s a urinary tract or yeast infection.

Also keep the following in mind:

  • Most people with a new HIV infection experience a brief flu-like illness about two to four weeks after exposure. Then they tend to feel perfectly normal for several years before their CD4 cells — important immune cells in your body destroyed by HIV — drop low enough to draw medical attention.
  • Chlamydia is known as a “silent infection” because as few as 5 percent of women and about 10 percent of men develop symptoms. Most men and women with gonorrhea are similarly asymptomatic.
  • The first stage of syphilis infection involves a painless round genital sore that can infect others who come into contact with it. These sores are often not as noticeable as you’d think (they may be inside a skin fold and can be as small as a few millimeters). Later, the latent stage of syphilis can last for years with absolutely no symptoms.

Who is at highest risk for STDs?

To be clear, cases of STDs among the elderly are going up, but they’re still much fewer than those among older teenagers and adults in their 20s. But everyone, regardless of age, should take precautions and test appropriately.

Age aside, men who have sex with men, users of intravenous drugs and people who have a prior history of another STD are all at higher risk. A study from Vanderbilt University, where I went to medical school, recently found what I had long observed as a student: Compared to other groups, Black women are losing the most years of life to HIV (and 91 percent of new HIV infections among Black women nationwide are reported from heterosexual contact).

There’s another striking discrepancy within the country: Southern states account for about half of new HIV cases annually. These states, not coincidentally, also have the highest rates of poverty nationally and tend to focus on abstinence-based sex education that has been shown to be ineffective in STD prevention.

What I want my patients to know

I never enjoy telling someone they have something like chlamydia. But I do like what I can say next, which is that most STDs can be fully cured with medication, and for those we can’t cure, like HIV, we have excellent medications to treat. You only stand to win by knowing.

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Struggling With Sex After 50?

— Expert Tips To Build Intimacy At Any Age

By Juliana Hauser, PhD

We are often taught there is a “right” and “wrong” way to experience and explore sexuality. That’s a total myth.

As a sex and relationship counselor, I’ve seen firsthand the value of expanding our view of sexuality to include topics such as body compassion, clear communication, and sexual well-being. Doing so shows us the wide range of possibilities to explore for a vibrant life, sexually and beyond.

Here are a few tips for enhancing sexual connections using the principles of “holistic sexuality,” no matter your age:

1 Experiment with self-pleasure of all kinds

Too often, we’re told that “successful” sex results in orgasm, placing orgasms as the reason for sex outside of procreation. We put so much pressure on achieving or giving an orgasm that we lose sight of the true pursuit—pleasure!

Orgasms are wonderful, but there are so many deliciously pleasurable ways to sexually connect with yourself and others.

To think beyond intercourse, consider what in your daily life brings you pleasure: the first sip of coffee, your favorite song. Bring your senses into focus and dive into the sensuality of each moment. This practice can quickly enliven your sexual pleasure as you begin to connect with what lights you up throughout the day.

2 Build your sexual tool kit

A survey conducted by Harris Poll in October 2023 found that more than half of women 50+ (52%) have a sexual toolbox to support their sexual experiences. Once you have a self-pleasure practice in tune with what you like and want, sex toys and products can enhance your sexual well-being.

For example, you can expand your potential for pleasure by using a vaginal moisturizer if you’re experiencing any pain or discomfort during sex. Two of my favorite products from Kindra (a menopause and intimacy company that I partner with) are the Daily Vaginal Lotion and V Relief Serum—both are gentle enough for everyday use and incredibly supportive of pleasure.

Preferences change over time, and it may also be time to incorporate some new tools into your routine. Remember to give yourself permission to try things that may end up being a no for you, and keep an open mind to an expanded view of pleasure.

3 Prioritize connection

Now that you’ve laid the groundwork for a deeper understanding of yourself and your pleasure, bring your knowledge to your partnership!

There are many reasons why sexual connection becomes deprioritized once we hit midlife, and they vary from couple to couple. As we grow with our relationships, it’s vital to nourish connection and intimacy. And you don’t necessarily need sexual intimacy or physical connection to do so at first.

A great way to kick-start connection with a partner (or solo) is by completing the Four Quadrant Exercise. Here’s how it’s done:

  • Come to this exercise with vulnerability, patience, curiosity, and an open mind.
  • Divide a paper into four quadrants, one for each prompt: what you have done that you like sexually, what you haven’t done that you want to try sexually, what you have done that you don’t want to do again sexually, and what you haven’t done that you don’t want to try sexually.
  • Write down everything you can think of (feel free to browse for new ideas, too!).
  • If you are doing this exercise with your partner, after you’ve both explored, see what your commonalities and differences are, and use them as a springboard for connection.

4 Seek out support as needed

Even when we incorporate new practices into our daily routines and try new products, sometimes we still need some outside support. Working with a sex counselor or therapist can help you work on your personal goals across all areas of life—relationally, sexually, and beyond.

If you have discomfort during sex, you might explore seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist, an OB/GYN, or another health professional to better understand what is going on for you. It’s incredibly important that you know the best practices for taking care of your sexual well-being, and it’s never too late. You deserve pain-free sexuality at all stages of life.

The takeaway

You have a right to the kind of sexual life you want to have. Improving your sexual life means learning what you want and need, what tools and resources are supportive, and connecting daily to what brings pleasure, joy, and connection—to yourself first and foremost and then to your partner and others around you.

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The Secrets of Sex Over 40

— 8 Questions Answered

New AARP survey reveals how often older adults have sex, and lots more

By Robin L. Flanigan

Most older adults believe sex is an essential part of a healthy relationship, and more than half say their sex lives are as satisfying – or even better—than a decade ago.

In a new AARP Research survey released Sept. 29, people over 40 got frank about what goes on in their lives – or doesn’t – when it comes to intimacy and sex.
The survey “Ageless Desire: Relationships and Sex in Middle Age and Beyond” polled 2,500 people 40 and older about how perceptions, behaviors, attitudes and preferences about sexual experiences have changed over time. Three-quarters of survey respondents were over 50.

Among the findings:

  • 72 percent of men and 63 percent of women have a current regular sexual partner.
  • Less than half of those surveyed —46 percent—said they were satisfied with their current sex life.
  • Four out of 5 people said their relationships were physically pleasurable and emotionally satisfying.
  • Having sex with a stranger is the most common sexual fantasy for both men and women.

The report also found that over the past 20 years, the frequency of sex in this age group declined, but other types of sexual activity – like masturbation and oral sex – increased.

“Sex doesn’t get any less important as we age,” says Patty David, AARP vice president of consumer insights. “It continues to be a vital part of a good relationship, which shows that intimacy and physical connection are important to all ages.”

1. How often do people in middle age and older have sex?

Older adults still have plenty of sex. Thirty percent told AARP researchers that they have sex weekly, 27 percent said monthly or less, and 40 percent reported having no sex in the last six months. One in 6 adults over 70 reported having sex weekly.
When it comes to oral sex, the frequency is a bit less: 18 percent said they have oral sex weekly, 25 percent said monthly, and 54 percent said none in the past six months.

But not everyone thinks they’re having enough sex: 46 percent said they were having the right amount, and 45 percent said they weren’t having enough. Men were more likely than women to say they’re not having enough sex, and women were more likely to say they were having just the right amount.

Certified sex therapist and psychologist Stephanie Buehler says there are lots of ways to be sexual as an older adult and recommends people expand ideas about what it means to show affection in the bedroom.

“It’s about acceptance and adaptation,” says Buehler, author of Enliven Your Sex Life! “Stop worrying about what you can no longer do and explore to find out how you can still experience sexual pleasure at any age.”

2. Do men and women differ in their levels of sexual desire?

Overall, 55 percent of those surveyed said they considered their sexual desire about average, 15 percent said higher than average and 29 percent said lower than average.

But men were more likely than women to rate their level of sexual desire as higher than average. Women were more likely to rate their level of sexual desire as lower than average.

3. How frequently do older adults masturbate?

The survey found that 55 percent of people reported pleasuring themselves in the past six months. Among those who did masturbate, 61 percent did so within the past week. About one in 4 pleasure themselves weekly, but that number decreases as age rises: Only 11 percent of people age 70 and older reported masturbating in the previous week, compared with 40 percent of those ages 40-49.

“Masturbation is natural and shouldn’t produce feelings of guilt or embarrassment,” says Buehler, adding that it also can be helpful if your partner doesn’t want as much sexual activity as you do.

One in 3 people reported using a vibrator for personal enjoyment, though women were more likely to say they were using one compared with men, at 42 percent versus 18 percent. People who identified as nonheterosexual were also more likely to report using a vibrator for self-stimulation (66 percent compared with 28 percent of those identifying as heterosexual).

4. How common is infidelity after midlife?

Fourteen percent of people reported being unfaithful, according to the survey. Seventeen percent of men said they’d had a sexual relationship with someone other than their partner, compared with 11 percent of women.

The reasons? For both men and women, the novelty of sex with someone other than their partner was tops. Men were more likely than women to say they were interested in sexual activities that their partner wasn’t interested in. For women, the answers trended toward feeling unappreciated by their partner and having a higher sex drive than their partner.

A quarter of those surveyed also reported reasons for sex with someone besides their primary partners as consensual monogamy or polyamory.

While many respondents reported that infidelity or suspected infidelity had a negative impact on their relationships, few people chose to end them because of it – only 4 percent did.

After an affair, most relationships are strained but survive, Buehler says.

“Repairing takes a lot of difficult conversations,” Buehler says, “as the person who had the affair spends time reflecting and the hurt partner takes time to understand the reasoning and heal.”

5. Is erectile dysfunction increasing?

The number of men who say they have difficulty with sexual function is growing. Just 4 in 10 men said they are always able to get and keep an erection for intercourse, down from half of men in 2009, according to AARP researchers.

In fact, 28 percent of those men surveyed said they’ve been diagnosed with erectile dysfunction or impotence, up from 23 percent in 2009 and 17 percent in 2004. But many men are looking for help: 6 out of 10 men who said they had general sexual functioning problems reported that they sought treatment.

Only 12 percent of women reported problems related to sexual functioning and more than half of those said they didn’t seek treatment because they didn’t feel comfortable discussing the issue.

Health concerns, like diabetes, stress and high blood pressure can impact sexual functioning: 79 percent of those surveyed said they’d been diagnosed with a medical condition.

6. Do older adults typically have a regular sex partner?

The AARP survey found that two-thirds of people reported they had a regular sex partner. Younger respondents had the highest likelihood of reporting a regular sex partner, but even over age 70, a little more than half of people said they had someone they regularly engaged in sexual activity with.

7. Are sexual fantasies among older adults common?

The answer is a resounding yes: 83 percent of those surveyed said they had sexual thoughts, fantasies or erotic dreams.

While having sex with a stranger was the most common fantasy for both genders, men’s fantasies included having sex with more than one person at a time, while women were more likely to say that they fantasized about having sex with someone of the same sex or having sex in different locations.

But people are keeping their fantasies to themselves: Roughly two-thirds said they hadn’t discussed them with others.

8. What are the best ways to keep romance alive?

The pandemic has had an impact on how people view their relationships. The survey found that 41 percent of older adults want an increased connection with their significant other, and 70 percent said they believe quality time and strong connections are more important now than before COVID-19.

However, the survey found that 31 percent of those divorced or never married are apt to say, “Romance? What’s that?”

Here’s how couples say they are keeping the romance going, according to the survey:

  • 63 percent make a point of saying ‘I love you”
  • 57 percent celebrate special days like birthdays and anniversaries
  • 35 percent take a vacation or romantic trip annually
  • 32 percent set aside time to enjoy each other’s company
  • 30 percent buy each other gifts or flower

David, of AARP, notes that in many cases the impact of COVID-19 has been to highlight the importance of relationships with friends, family, spouses or romantic partners. “It has made our connections even stronger,” she said. “Couple this with the importance of spending time with each other to keep the romance in the relationship and you have a powerful recipe for contentment and happiness.”

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Women have more sex as they age

— And it’s better, too. A sexologist explains why.

By Kelly Burch

  • Juliana Hauser is a licensed therapist who specializes in sex-positive counseling.
  • She says many women have better sex as they age.
  • Self pleasure can help women explore new desires, she said.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Juliana Houser, a licensed marriage and family therapist who is the resident expert and advisor at Kindra. It has been edited for length and clarity.

The success of “The Golden Bachelor” has proven something I’ve seen in my work for a long time. When it comes to love, relationships, and sex, older people don’t want to be counted out.

Many of my clients in their 50s and beyond have vibrant, exciting, and novel sex lives. They want to be seen as sexual beings. When that occurs, great things happen: I’ve met many women who are having passionate, orgasmic sex that just gets better with age. Here’s how they’re doing it and the tips that can help you have the same, no matter what your age.

Harness confidence in yourself

Society feeds us lots of messages about what it means to be a woman who is desired and who desires others. We all have an image of what it means to be sexy — and if we don’t think we fit that picture, we can become disconnected from our own eroticism.

And yet, by the time women reach middle age, they have self-confidence. When you know who you authentically are, you can shed all the layers of what you thought sexy was. That lets you unapologetically embrace what sexy means to you.

Nurture the most important sexual relationship you have

Nearly everyone has their own individual sex life, whether they’re partnered or not. Your sexual relationship with yourself is the longest and most important sexual relationship you’ll have, but too often, we ignore it.

Create different sexual experiences for yourself, just like you would with a partner. Vary what times of day you self-pleasure; have slow, intimate sessions and quickies; explore your kinky side.

Take microdoses of pleasure

Lots of people, especially women, deprive themselves. We focus so much time on our careers and families while pushing pleasure off for another time — the weekends or vacation.

Instead of doing that, I recommend finding time for microdoses of pleasure every day. Change the pacing of pleasure until it’s something that’s constantly around rather than something to be waited for.

Connect with your senses

How do you microdose pleasure? By connecting with our senses. Feeling sensual can open the door to feeling pleasure, which I define as feeling a spark or vibrancy inside you.

Pleasure and sensuality start with things that aren’t sexual at all: a sunrise that brings you joy or the smell of a bouquet of flowers. Look for anything that makes your body say “yum” or “yes.” As you respond to that part of yourself, you’ll become more confident in finding and experiencing what brings you pleasure in bed.

Understand your body is changing

The impacts of menopause are undeniable and normal. But they don’t have to mean the end of your sex life — in fact, we’ve found that 70% of women who are 50 or older still enjoy sex.

There can be hard feelings associated with changing bodies and again. But embracing change can be helpful. Learn what works for your body now. Try products and toys that might ease any difficulties you have. Broaden your definition of sex. After all, there’s a whole continuum of what sex can be, not just penetration.

Get curious

Adapt an attitude of curiosity about sex. Google “10 best sex toys of 2023” and see what catches your eye. If you hear a term you don’t know, look it up. Ask your friends where they’re finding pleasure, or what aspects of sex and aging are challenging for them. Share your struggles and your interests.

You can even create a sex bucket list. Revisit it every now and then — you might notice that you might want to try things that were once a “no,” or that acts that were once appealing no longer intrigue you.

More than anything, know what pleasure is your birthright. Sexuality isn’t a luxury reserved for the young(er). It’s a necessity that we can connect with throughout our lives.

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How to Be a Gay Daddy 101

– Part 1: Know Yourself, What You Seek and Who’s Looking for You

Being a gay Daddy has its perks, but also presents a set of challenges that make it perfect for some and undoable for others. So let’s talk about the assumptions, the realties and whether gay Daddydom — or seeking out a gay Daddy — is right for you.

By

The Age of the Daddy

Are you over 35? You’re on the cusp of what younger men consider Daddy material. But being a Daddy involves a lot more than being able to grow whiskers and sport fuzzy pecs. There are gay Daddies in their 20s ranging up in age as far as you can imagine. Likewise, there are adult boys ranging from 18 to well into their 60s and beyond. It turns out that the Daddy/boy dynamic attracts men independent of their ages. They’re seeking a bond more than a date on a birth certificate.

Handling the Idea of Being Daddy

You have questions to ask yourself: Does the notion of being called Daddy or Papa or Papi make your skin crawl? Many guys shudder at the notion because they equate the nomenclature with being told they’re nearing their “sell by” date. For me, being a furry guy who could grow a full beard at 14, it was a Godsend. I got no play in my 20s because I was too hairy to be one of the Abercrombie & Fitch or Obsession ad models. It wasn’t until I hit both 35 and the gym that I got any notice at all in the bars — and not usually until my shirt came off on the dance floor. But let’s say you’ve accepted that – whether through age or appearance, you have achieved the level of maturity at which you’re seldom if ever carded at an R-rated movie. Your Daddy look may involve a receding hairline, the appearance of laugh lines or traces of gray at the temples. Wear any or all of them with pride: the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more attractive you are to someone who’s seeking maturity.

Answering the Impertinent Question

You will inevitably find yourself, as you’re looking for a Daddy-seeker, faced with a profile or a question about whether you’re “generous.” It’s best to make it clear that you’re either a Sugar Daddy or more of the type who’s offering an emotional, romantic or a sexual bond. Certainly there are many adult boys who seek a Daddy as a transactional affair, whether inside or outside bedroom. If that’s not you, say so up front.

Find LGBTQ-Friendly Resources

Some Daddies only step into that role behind closed doors. Some wear it out and proud at the local watering holes. A few will let their connection with a younger partner shine in public. For me, it took me more than a few laps around the sun to understand my attraction to and the interest I get from younger guys.

Embracing your inner Daddy also means that more often than not, you’ll be getting a fair number of questions from your peers. “How can you find someone so young attractive?” they’ll ask. “They don’t know who was in the Beatles from who’s in the Rolling Stones, and you’re having to listen to their music, too — which is crap.” But then there are the up sides.

The Qualities of Youth

Truth be told, I’m simply more attracted to qualities typically associated with youth. Younger guys are more likely (in my experience) to see the possibilities surrounding them; they’re into exploring new places, new ideas and open to new stimuli — whether books, restaurants, podcasts, all-night dance parties, film festivals, or sudden impulses to hop into a car and see where it takes you for the weekend. A lot of guys my age (and I don’t mean all) want to be in bed after midnight. Don’t misunderstand: There are older men with a sense of adventure, to be sure. But there aren’t many of them looking to be nurtured or guided in the ways I seek — and those who are often confuse being a boy with being a sub or a slave, which are very different things.

Gay Daddies Are Special, Too

There’s a premium placed on youth in our culture, and young men can be beautiful. But I didn’t really start to enjoy being a Daddy until I came to understand that the older half of the equation is as rare and special as the younger, and that we are deserving of the hero worship they want to invest. A Daddy can help put life into context for someone feeling overwhelmed by the randomness of the world — especially in gay culture. A mature man has a grasp of history and life experience; he can provide compassion and cautionary tales; he’s more apt to be comfortable communicating about sex and have strategies about how to keep it fresh and safe at the same time.

Conversely, younger men know the internet in a way I never will. They’re familiar with suddenly and constantly adapting to where they seek information and the technology required to access it. They’ll stay up until sunrise and beyond if given a reason — even if that reason doesn’t appear until after 3am. They’re often curious, and while they won’t always agree with your conclusions, they know you’ve seen more of the world, even if your understanding largely comes from driving around town with the news on for decades. An adult boy knows what’s trending now and can show you how to keep up with the same. We in return can share with them the great films from our lifetimes (and earlier). Before long, you’re both sharing what you know that the other doesn’t — and that can be the beginning of a fascinating journey.

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A Psychologist’s Guide To Dating Outside Your Age

— 3 Key Insights

It is common for people of different ages, even generations, to partner up. Science helps us understand why it sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t.

By Mark Travers

Age-gap relationships are by no means a new phenomenon, but they are something that modern society still struggles to make sense of—often denigrated and dismissed as a fleeting “phase.” Prejudicial terms such as “gold digger,” “cougar” and “manther” are used to describe some of the forms age-differentiated relationships can take.

At the same time, there is a growing movement demanding more respect and inclusivity of relationships that don’t fit the traditional mold, as how we imagine and define the “ideal relationship” is expanding at a rapid pace.

What can we learn from scientific research to help us understand the nuances of age-gap relationships? Here are three insights to guide your thinking.

1. Let’s Start With An Evolutionary Explanation

When it comes to any scientific conversation on sex and relationships, it is important to first consider their evolutionary function: perpetuating the species. From this standpoint, it is not surprising that men have a preference for women in their child-bearing prime.

In a 2012 paper published in Human Nature, evolutionary psychologists Sascha Schwarz and Manfred Hassebrauck write, “The ability to reproduce is not equal across the lifespan. Women cannot give birth to their own children after the onset of menopause. Unlike women, men are not directly restricted biologically in their reproductive abilities.”

It’s also not surprising that women have a preference for men who are able to invest resources into child-rearing. Schwarz and Hassebrauck state, “Women invest more in their offspring (e.g., gestation) than men. Therefore, women prefer committed, long-lasting relationships and seek partners who are able and willing to invest in them and their potential offspring.”

Putting these two facts together we can see why age-differentiated relationships, when they occur, favor a scenario where the male partner is older than the female partner. Younger women are more reproductively fit and older men have more resources to invest in their family and children.

This conclusion is borne out by research. A classic 1945 study found that men prefer partners who are about 2.5 years younger than they are while women prefer partners approximately 3.5 years older. Recent research has replicated this pattern.

2. What Is The Range Of “Acceptable” Dating Ages?

When we look beyond an individual’s “ideal” partner age and instead ask what they deem acceptable, things get more interesting. For instance, one study found that men, on average, are accepting of relationships with women up to approximately 10 years younger and 4.5 years older. Women, on the other hand, are accepting of relationships with men up to 8 years older and five years younger.

But there’s an important caveat, and it has to do with how these “acceptable” limits change as we age.

“As men grow older, they accept even younger women, but their tolerated age span regarding the oldest partner they would accept is unrelated to their own age,” state the researchers. “On the other hand, women tend to accept younger men as they grow older, but the oldest partner they will accept decreases as they age.”

According to the authors, women are less likely to enter relationships with older men as they get older because longevity favors women, not men. In Germany, for instance, the average life span for women is five years longer than it is for men.

3. How Does Relationship Happiness Factor In?

Perhaps the most important question revolves around the happiness people experience in age-gap relationships. The first and most compelling insight is that relationships of any make or model can be happy relationships under the right circumstances. However, science offers clues on the combinations that seem to work best.

One study published in the Journal of Population Economics found that both men and women seem to be happier with younger, not older, spouses. However, this happiness advantage may be short-lived.

The authors write, “Marital satisfaction declines with marital duration for both men and women in differently aged couples relative to those in similarly aged couples. These relative declines erase the initial higher levels of marital satisfaction experienced by men married to younger wives and women married to younger husbands.”

To explain this, the researchers suggest that differently aged couples may be less resilient to relationship obstacles than similarly aged couples. However, other research suggests that age-gap couples who stay together experience less jealousy and exhibit a more unselfish form of love than age-similar couples.

Conclusion

Science reveals a strong evolutionary basis for the existence of age-gap relationships. Science also suggests that these sometimes socially taboo relationships are not without their unique set of challenges. But, when done right, they can be just as fulfilling and exhilarating as any other type of relationship.

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