Home remedies for premature ejaculation

Many males experience sexual concerns such as premature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation occurs when someone has an orgasm very quickly or orgasms without control. Males with premature ejaculation may also have very little warning before their orgasm, so they may not be able to delay it.

by Jon Johnson

Premature ejaculation may lead to lower sexual satisfaction for both the person experiencing it and their partner. Some home remedies and exercises may help delay ejaculation or help someone become more aware of their sensations and how to control them.

Some estimates suggest that around 4–39% of males experience premature ejaculation, though some estimates are higher. Part of the reason that so many people experience this is because premature ejaculation can be complex, involving both mental and physical aspects.

Some medical treatments may help with premature ejaculation, but there is no permanent cure for it. However, males may learn to control their ejaculation and find more sexual satisfaction using a number of remedies, including supplements and exercise. Keep reading to learn more.

Minerals

Certain minerals may help with premature ejaculation. These include:

Zinc

There may be a link between supplements such as zinc and sexual dysfunction. Zinc also seems to play a role in male fertility.

As an article in the International Journal of Molecular Sciences notes, some studies have reported reduced quantities of zinc in the seminal fluid of males with infertility.

Zinc supplementation improves sexual dysfunction and increases serum testosterone levels in the body. This may improve libido in general and help improve sexual dysfunction, which may include premature ejaculation.

Taking zinc supplements may, therefore, promote overall sexual health in many ways, though no direct research has linked zinc to stopping or improving premature ejaculation.

Magnesium

Magnesium is another important mineral for healthy sperm production and reproductive health.

A review in the Asian Journal of Andrology notes that low magnesium levels are a contributing factor to premature ejaculation, as they may increase certain muscle contractions common in orgasms.

For this reason, getting enough magnesium in the diet may help with premature ejaculation.

Other minerals

As a study in the journal Reviews on Environmental Health notes, a number of other minerals also play important roles in sperm function and overall male fertility.

Those with sexual issues such as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation may look to take a number of other minerals to improve their reproductive health in general. These may include:

Topical creams or sprays

For a temporary approach, many males find success in using topical creams and sprays that contain anesthetics such as lidocaine. These help numb the penis. They do this by delaying sensation to the penis, which may increase the time it takes to climax.

Typically, a male should apply these creams to the head of the penis about 30 minutes before sex, and then wash the penis around 5 minutes before sex.

Exercises

Various pelvic floor exercises may help train the muscles involved in ejaculation. By becoming aware of and strengthening these muscles, it may be possible to increase orgasm control.

One study found that a 12 week program of pelvic floor exercises helped males with premature ejaculation control their ejaculatory reflexes and increase their time to climax.

The pelvic floor muscles are the same muscles involved in cutting off the flow of urine. To find them, a male should urinate and then cut off the urine flow midstream.

To perform pelvic floor exercises, lie or sit in a comfortable position without putting pressure on the perineum, which is the area between the anus and the genitals.

Tighten the muscles involved in cutting off the flow of urine, holding them as tight as possible for 5 seconds. The muscles should feel as though they are lifting up. There may also be a pressure sensation inside the body, near the muscles.

Release the muscles and rest for 5 seconds. Repeat this process 10 times for one session. Do two or three sessions each day.

Condoms

Wearing a condom during sex may work in a similar way to using topical creams, by temporarily dulling the sensation in the penis. In some cases, this may increase the time it takes to orgasm.

Some companies make thicker condoms or condoms with a numbing agent on the inside to help decrease sensitivity further and help increase a male’s time to orgasm.

Practice

Those worried about sexual control and early ejaculation may simply not have had very much sexual practice. Teenagers tend to learn about their sexual responses and physical sensations from their early practices with masturbation.

Some people may not have as much experience with masturbation or sexual acts, which may be due to religious or cultural beliefs about them, or a sense of personal shame.

Openly exploring pleasure through masturbation helps a person identify the sensations their body experiences leading up to orgasm. Regular practice may also help someone learn the signs of an impending orgasm and to find ways to stop the stimulation before orgasm.

Also, some may recommend masturbating an hour or two before engaging in sexual activity. This may take advantage of the body’s refractory period, which is the period of time in which it is impossible or difficult to orgasm. The length of the refractory period varies from person to person.

Techniques

There are some techniques and methods that a male can try during sex that may help with premature ejaculation. These include:

The squeeze technique

The squeeze technique helps physically control an orgasm. It may also help a male identify the sensation of orgasm and learn how to control it.

During this method, a male or their partner should stimulate the penis until they are close to ejaculation. They must then firmly squeeze the shaft of the penis, so that the erection partially goes away and the impending orgasm subsides.

Going through these steps may help a male identify the sensations that lead to orgasm. Understanding these sensations can lead to better control over ejaculation.

The stop-start method

The stop-start method is another physical technique for sexual practice.

During this method, the male or their partner should stimulate the penis until climax is imminent. They should then stop all stimulation and allow the feeling of the upcoming orgasm to go away completely.

After the pleasure subsides, the male or their partner should stimulate the penis again and stop again just before the orgasm. Continue the cycle a third time, and allow the ejaculation on the fourth.

This practice may help a male identify the sensations that occur just before orgasm. Exploring them in this way can make it easier to identify or control ejaculation.

Is there a permanent cure?

There is no single way to treat or cure premature ejaculation. As the Urology Care Foundation point out, there are no approved drugs in the United States for the treatment of premature ejaculation.

The standard treatment typically includes a few different approaches. Psychological therapy, for example, helps address any negative thoughts or feelings that may lead to sexual issues.

Behavioral therapy, such as the squeeze and stop-start methods, helps build a tolerance to the pleasurable sensations that lead to orgasm.

Some over-the-counter or prescription creams and sprays may also help numb the head of the penis, which could decrease sensitivity temporarily.

In some cases, a doctor may also recommend using some forms of antidepressant drugs to treat premature ejaculation. Antidepressants such as fluoxetine and paroxetine may alter serotonin levels in the body, which could delay orgasm. However, there is no approval for this use of these drugs.

Summary

Premature ejaculation is common and affects many people at one time or another.

When premature ejaculation becomes an issue, however, some males may find that they can better control it using various home remedies and techniques. Some doctors may suggest other forms of physical, psychological, or medical treatment to help control the issue.

If premature ejaculation continues or gets worse, it is best to see a doctor for a full diagnosis. There may be an underlying health condition causing it.

Complete Article HERE!

7 Reasons You Should Go to Sex Therapy, According to a Sex Therapist

“A lot of times people hear ‘sex therapist’ and they think, ‘Oh, they’re teaching people sex positions,’” says Christopher Ryan Jones, Psy.D. “Honestly, that would be a relief if that’s all the job entailed—it would mean the world was a much better and kinder place!” And OK, we’ll admit it—when we thought about sex therapy we were kind of imagining some sort of Kama Sutra workshop. Well, it turns out that sex therapy can be helpful for a variety of issues and concerns (that have nothing to do with the lotus position). Here, seven common reasons someone might see a sex therapist.

1. The Two of You Are Bored Sexually

“Couples may come to sex therapy for any number of reasons,” says Jones. “They may feel that they have lost romantic feelings toward one another or one of the partners may want to explore areas of sexuality that the other partner is not comfortable with.” Another common concern? Mismatched libidos. “The focus of the therapy would be to open up communication to discuss their wants and desires, and also give the couples homework that would help them to rekindle their romance.” Extra credit optional.

2. You Have Difficulty Achieving Orgasm or Arousal

The first thing a sex therapist would do in this case is to have the person get a physical check-up from a doctor to make sure no medical conditions are causing the lack of arousal or lack of orgasm. “If things came back normal, I would then recommend sensate focus,” Jones tells us. This involves abstaining from sexual activities and instead focusing on touch and sensation (orgasming is actually discouraged during the course of this treatment). After a week or two of touching, Jones would suggest incorporating kissing and light oral play. “The length of the sensate therapy depends upon the individual and couple. Nevertheless, they would gradually increase the level of play until they do have intercourse.” The goal here is to take the pressure off orgasming and focus instead on the sensations and other pleasures of sex.

3. You’re Processing Sexual Trauma

“A person who has been sexually abused or raped may come to therapy for a number of issues—the most obvious reason is to find help dealing with the trauma,” says Jones. It’s common for someone who has had this type of experience to have difficulties being intimate, he tells us. But sex therapy can help a person overcome the traumatic experience and ensure that it doesn’t affect future sexual experiences.

4. You Think You Might Have Sexual Disorders or Dysfunctions

This can refer to a number of issues, including erectile dysfunction (“which is becoming more common with younger clients”), low sexual desire and sexual arousal disorder (“although these are only considered disorders if it causes distress to the client”). Things like vaginismus (involuntary muscle contractions in the vagina) and dyspareunia (pain during intercourse) are also valid reasons to seek help.

5. You’re Coping with a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI)

“Oftentimes when a person is diagnosed with an STI, they are so shocked that they don’t really register what their medical provider is telling them. One of the jobs of a sex therapist is to educate the client on treatments and care, as well as safer sex practices to stop the transmission of STIs.” People who have an STI can also find it difficult to disclose this information to partners, which is also something that sex therapy can help with.

6. You’re Dealing with LGBTQ Issues

“People in the LGBTQ community often have issues of acceptance, prejudice and alienation. Sex therapy can help clients who have trouble coming out to their friends and family, and navigate the new dynamic that being open about their sexuality introduces.” It can also help individuals realize and accept what’s going on with themselves.

7. You Just Want to Talk About Basic Relationship Issues

Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but it isn’t nothing either. “Relationship issues can range from helping couples learn to communicate better to discovering ways for them to regain their intimacy. The fact is that people change over time—their bodies change over time and the way they think changes over time. This sometimes makes the relationship a bit complicated.” But just because things change doesn’t mean you have to settle for a lackluster sex life. Here’s what Jones tells his clients: It’s their perception that needs to be changed. That excitement you felt when you first met can continue throughout the marriage, he says. “You can discover things your partner likes and how their body responds differently. This isn’t a bad thing—this can be very exciting and fulfilling.”

Complete Article HERE!

Before You Have Sex In A Hot Tub, Read This

By Erika W. Smith

Hot tub sex is the stuff of fantasies… but that fantasy always ends before you wake up with a UTI. While the myth that you can catch an STI from dirty hot tub water is not true (phew), having sex in a hot tub comes with a few health risks to keep in mind.

First, there’s the discomfort. Water washes away your natural vaginal lubrication. That means having sex in a hot tub comes with an increased risk of irritation, microabrasions, and microtears. (Proof that all those movies with steamy pool sex scenes were written by men.) If you have penetrative sex in the water, you’ll want to use silicone lube to keep things slick; water-based lube won’t stand up to the hot tub jets either.

Another risk is unintended pregnancy. Even if you never believed the old myth that chlorine kills sperm (let’s be clear: it does not), having sex in a hot tub makes a condom more likely to slip off, and potentially more likely to break. As sex educator Erica Smith (no relation) previously explained to Refinery29, “A condom wouldn’t be as effective in a hot tub — hot chlorinated water may interfere with its durability. Note that condom manufacturers don’t test condoms in water or chlorinated conditions, so the extent of their durability there is anecdotal.” An internal condom may be more likely to stay put, she said.

And finally, there’s the bacteria. As we noted above, you can’t catch a STI from hot tub water because STIs, by definition, are passed through sexual or skin-to-skin contact. But you can get a UTI. “What is in that hot tub? Bacteria! The water could get thrust inside the vagina during sex, and the microtears and abrasions make you more susceptible to infection,” Smith explained. “UTIs, bacterial vaginosis, and a yeast infection could be potential outcomes.”

Think a hot tub is sexy, but not willing to risk a yeast infection? The solution is to begin foreplay in your (private!) hot tub, then move out of the water. You can even keep the hot tub involved, if you want to. For example, you could hop out of the water to sit on the edge of the hot tub while your partner goes down on you. In this scenario, your legs are still in the water, but your vagina is not.

If that sounds like it could get chilly, you could always just move to the bedroom or living room. Gynecologist Leah Millheiser, MD, previously suggested to Refinery29, “Use [the hot tub] for foreplay, then move somewhere else for intercourse. Challenge yourself to keep the sexual energy going until you reach that place.” And all the better if that place is just a few feet away

Complete Article HERE!

We’re in Our 70s. This Is What Our Sex Life Is Like

“My sex life is better than at any other time, even during the ‘free love’ era of the 60s and 70s.”

by Mark Hay

Joel Kann, 70, knew he was aging when other grey-haired men started offering him their seats on the bus. Bonnie Nilsen, 71, knew it when she looked in the mirror one day and saw her mother. Still, neither of them ever felt old—like they’d gone through some major shift in their physical, mental, or sexual selves. But both say they’ve had people look at them, or hear their ages, and clearly instantly mentally write them off as desexualized beings.

That is not surprising given the fact that, for well over a century, American culture has embraced and perpetuated the idea that, as we age, our sexualities naturally wither away. As such, we rarely depict older people as sexual. When we do, it’s usually as a joke. The image of the sexless elder is so widespread that even medical professionals often omit older people in studies on sexuality and neglect to talk about sexual health during check ups. (Is it any wonder why STI rates among older adults are so high?) Perhaps the only time most people think about the intersection of sex and old age is viagra commercials—or when we hear reports about the (sadly common) phenomenon of elder caregiver and nursing home sexual abuse. And that is far from an affirming recognition of senior citizens’ sexual lives and selves.

As people age, their bodies usually do change in ways that affect sex. Those with penises tend to lose sensitivity. Their erections often get less firm and frequent and may take more stimulation to achieve or maintain, and their ejaculations are often weaker. Those with vaginas may take longer to get aroused and produce less natural lubrication, which can make sex less comfortable. Across the board, libidos tend to decrease and orgasms may feel less intense.

Non-sexual health conditions from arthritis to depression to heart disease can compound these issues, or lead to chronic pain, fatigue, or other symptoms that make sex difficult to have. Treatments for these conditions can likewise have side effects that take a toll on sex drive or capacity. On top of all of that, changes in skin appearance, muscle tone, and weight that often accompany aging can lead to body image issues that put a crimp in many people’s sexual confidence.

A few studies suggest that people aged 60 to 82 tend to engage in physical intimacy less often than their younger peers. Yet several studies also suggest that many older adults still have and value sex—some more than they did as middle-aged adults. Most sexually active seniors say the sex they’re having is as good as, if not better than, the sex they had earlier in life. (People often report they have more confidence and fewer distractions in life in general, freeing them up to truly focus on and enjoy sex.) Many older adults believe a vibrant sex life is important to their overall wellbeing. Quite a few also wish they could have more sex, and note that their sex lives are often limited not by health issues, but because they lack a partner.

In an effort to push back on the desexualization of older people, VICE recently spoke to Bonnie and Joel, who have been having sex with each other on and off since college and became a couple eight years ago, about how they navigate sex and sexuality in their 70s. Bonnie and Joel are the first to admit that they may not be typical seniors. The polyamorous and sexually adventurous couple recently had sex on camera for porn performer and producer jessica drake and sex educator Joan Price’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Senior Sex educational adult video. Yet for all that is unique about their story, it still touches on many experiences that will resonate with older adults of all stripes.

Bonnie: [When we first had sex in college,] we had this immediate connection—I don’t know what happened there. Part of it was sexual but there was something else going on there.

We actually only had sex twice [in college]: the one time at my apartment and the one time at your apartment when your wife was away. Our sex was the typical 20-year-olds looking at each other and ripping off each other’s clothes and falling off the bed [type of sex].

We stayed in touch on and off through the early 70s, but then lost track of each other.

Bonnie: In 2008 I put a couple of websites up about myself. I am a self-taught web developer. I guess he found me. [That fall I was 60 and] I went to the east coast for my father’s funeral and stayed at my brother’s house in New Jersey for a few weeks as we sorted through my parents’ house. And I invited Joel to come up. It was just immediate—I looked at him and said, “oh my god…”

Joel: I was living in North Carolina and she said, “do you want to come up and meet?” I thought really meet—go out for coffee. I showed up and she was standing outside with her overnight bag.

Bonnie: We’d already talked about getting a hotel room!

Joel: No, I don’t think so! And she jumped into my car with her bag and said, “Let’s go!”

Bonnie: We had one night together.

Joel: That was the first time that I had sex with you and you squirted. I’d never been with a women who squirted before. I was like, whoa, what’s this? I don’t know what it is, but it feels good.

Bonnie: Because Joel was still married, he backed off. He didn’t want to hurt his wife—totally understandable. He was, I think, kind of shocked that we had connected again. So for the next couple of years we stayed in touch on Facebook, writing emails to each other. Then in 2011, I was getting on with my life up in British Columbia and got a message from Joel saying, “Hey, would you be interested in going to a medical conference with me in Victoria, on Vancouver Island?”

Joel: I’d realized there was something there. I really liked her. My marriage was pretty much over. It was not an angry, terrible marriage. It had just died. I hadn’t had sex with my wife in almost 10 years. So I looked for a conference near her and Victoria was a close one. I said, let me see if she’ll come. We met up there and spent five days [together].

Bonnie: Which was amazing. We both fell in love again.

Joel: We met at the airport, went to the hotel lounge, said some nice things, then said, “okay, up to the room.” A soon as the door closed, clothes started coming off. We fucked over a chair by a window overlooking the parking lot and imagined that other people were looking at us.

We fucked twice that night, [then] once or twice a day [thereafter]. Bonnie started taking out lingerie and sex toys and rope and I said, “this is going to be interesting!” I ended up tying you to the rafters in the hotel room. [I was in my early 60s and] it was, I think, the first time I had anal sex in my life.

We both cried when we had to separate because we hadn’t really made any plans other than that. It was like: What are we going to do? This feels so good. We’re in love. Now I have to go back and decide if I’m going to leave my wife for you. And I eventually did. Then Bonnie eventually moved [to Raleigh, North Carolina] to be with me.

Bonnie: When we got back together [in 2008], our sex drive was good and the sex felt amazing. It still is. But it has changed.

I have had fibromyalgia for over 20 years and that hits you. You’re going through life in your 40s and suddenly [you feel like] you’re in your 80s. Everything hurts. If you turn or move too quickly, you’ll strain a joint. It can put me in bed for a day. But then get up the next day like, okay, here we go again.

Joel: As I’ve gotten older, I have joints that ache a bit more. I tend to ignore that. But certainly, I can’t perform on the same level as I did when I was younger. I’m not quite as acrobatic as I was.

And when you’re young, you can get several erections in a day, no problem. But as you get older, that gets to one a day, sometimes once every couple of days. If the stimulus is good, I can get them a couple times a day. But to ejaculate a couple times a day is rare. Sometimes [my erections] are a little soft, particularly if I’m using a condom or with new partners or having sex in public.

I’ve used Cialis and Viagra with new partners. But when Bonnie and I are together, I don’t have real problems [with erections]. Usually they are spontaneous, or [develop] with a little bit of stimulation.

will [sometimes] have an orgasm and no or little ejaculate will come out. [It’s called] retrograde ejaculation because of swelling in the prostate—the ejaculate goes into the bladder instead of out through the urethra. Then it slowly comes out the next couple of times you urinate. The first couple of times it happened, it was like, wow, what’s that?

Bonnie: My sexual desire is definitely lower than it was [as well]. I could have sex one time a week. But we usually wind up having sex two to three times a week. That’s usually because Joel approaches me. And that’s fine. I’m not being forced into it. I’m more like, oh, okay, this is fun.

Joel: Eight years ago, we were having sex every day, sometimes a couple of times a day. Even now that her libido has dropped a bit, Bonnie is still more sexual than any woman I’ve ever [been with], at any age.

Bonnie: I’ve been thinking lately that I hardly ever masturbate. I used to masturbate almost every day. If I reminded myself to masturbate more, it would probably get my sex drive up again.

Joel: I also enjoy when she masturbates, whether I’m there or not. Just hearing about it is a turn on.

Things are different. Sometimes it takes more planning to have sex. It’s not always spontaneous.

Bonnie: The biggest thing between us is that we communicate well and have a sense of each other.

Joel: She told me about her fibromyalgia and how when [an attack] hits you, you wouldn’t be sure whether you’d want me to touch you for a day—whether you’d want me to hold you or stay away. We talked about that a lot—how that doesn’t mean you’re rejecting me. She warned me when we got back together: “You’re starting a relationship with someone with chronic pain. Are you sure you know what you’re getting into?” As a physician, I’d dealt with people with chronic pain and chronic fatigue, but not personally—not on this level. So it was learning what to do, what works, what doesn’t work, and communicating a lot: “What position are you comfortable in? How are you feeling now compared to the last time we had sex? What are you up for? What are you not up for?”

Bonnie: For me, it’s been learning to say. “no, I’m not into it right now.” If Joel wants to have sex, I’d love to. But my body sometimes [doesn’t].

Joel: Or [she’ll say], “I need to be on my side.” Or, “I don’t know if I can be on top for long.”

I had to learn how to feel comfortable being the one who more often than not initiates sex, but [also to] not be afraid when she can’t or doesn’t want to [have sex]—to not take that personally. It helps that she has such a great libido and is so adventurous. It wasn’t like I wasn’t getting any sex.

Bonnie: We’ve basically tried everything. And we still do. Just a lot less [often than we used to]. We just recently went to a Halloween party in Durham. It was a BDSM party.

Joel: I tied her to a cross and flogged her in front of a bunch of people. And we were into swinging for a while. Then we got into polyamory—this fits us better, getting to know someone and bringing them into our lives rather than just a quick hookup and then never seeing people together again.

Bonnie: [I don’t have many sexual relationships with other people these days.] With fibromyalgia, it’s like: Here’s somebody else who’s going to have to learn what to do with my body. I don’t really want to get into that. But I’m fine with Joel having other partners.

Joel: My sex life is better than at any other time, even during the “free love” era of the 60s and 70s.

Bonnie: When you were hitchhiking and fucking everybody you met on the road.

Joel: [One thing we want to say to other older people is:] Don’t let preconceived notions define you. You don’t have to act a certain way just because you’re getting older. There are things that change. Try to understand, physiologically, what’s going on and how you can adapt to that.

If you can’t get an erection, there are many ways to please your partner. With your hands. With your mouth. You don’t have to concentrate on penis-in-vagina sex to have a good sex life.

Bonnie: People like us are out here saying, “you can still have a great sex life in spite of changes.”

Joel: In spite of aches and pains.

Complete Article HERE!

This Is How I Wish My Parents Talked to Me About Sex

By Alexia Lewis

By the time I turned 18, I still never got the “sex talk” from my parents. I entered the world equipped with only the knowledge mass media, pop culture, and my high school freshman sex-ed class could give me. At the time I thought I dodged an awkward bullet, but a few years later, I realized I missed out on a lot of helpful information. And it’s become the norm for a lot of teens to only know how TV shows or movies depict relationships or sex and never have anyone actually knowledgeable and relatable to talk to about our real experiences.

During my first week of college, I witnessed a ton of uncomfortable situations through my frightened 17-year-old eyes. Most of us freshmen were trying to fit in with our 20-year-old peers, but we had no idea what we were doing when it came to navigating relationships, sexual or otherwise. Most of those twenty-somethings didn’t even know much more than we did. Even though we were considered independent and exploring relationships in the young adult world, my experience in college didn’t feel too far off from high school. The young and uneducated were learning about sex and relationships in the most hurtful ways possible, from the simultaneously young & uneducated.

While my experience seems to be the norm for most teens, it doesn’t have to be. And you as parents can make all the difference in having a genuine conversation about sex with your teen. This is how I wish my parents talked to me about sex.

Understand the Internet Changes Everything

I know you were a teen once too, but there are new beasts in teens’ lives that are more vicious than the average adult can understand without first-hand experience.

Our world is interconnected in an extraordinary way. In this Catfish era, entire relationships can be conducted via text message or DM and can become virtually sexual even before the first real-life meet up. It’s different now than when you were my age, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Monitoring phones only makes us better at hiding our activity. And attempting to “disconnect” us from the world or taking our cell phone away only makes us better at using friends’ phones during school.

Teens feel bad enough, weird enough, and alone enough that we don’t need our parents’ judgment to accentuate those emotions.

Considering that this interconnectedness is inevitable, embrace it and try to encourage our knowledge and mastery of emotional intelligence on these platforms in addition to in real life. Teaching us how to navigate both worlds now will make us balanced and ready for the emotional and sexual relationships of the real world to come.

Keep the Conversation Real

The “sex talk” conversation can be over before it even starts if it doesn’t feel authentic. As important as it is to come to me as a concerned parent, come to me as a real person, too. A real person who was my age once, who had these same feelings and extreme transformations happening all at one time, and who understands that the world that I live in is a wild ride. There’s an organic way to be on my level outside of just lecturing me by saying “I was your age once.” Connect with me, tell me your own personal stories, share with me your experiences. Allow me to relate to you triumph and your trial, let me reflect and identify even if it’s in silence. Don’t force me to open up because at times, when you’re a teen and there’s so much you’re not supposed to do or know, revelation is in absorption.

It’s different now than when you were my age, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Monitoring phones only makes us better at hiding our activity.

Please, Don’t Condemn Me

Teens feel bad enough, weird enough, and alone enough that we don’t need our parents’ judgment to accentuate those emotions. On top of the wide range of changes we go through, the last thing we need is our parents telling us there’s something wrong with us too. Telling us we shouldn’t be having sexual feelings at such a “young age” doesn’t stop us from having them. Accept me for where I am and understand that may be different from where you were at my age and that’s okay. As teens, we’re growing into our own young adult selves, and we can only do that successfully when we have some sort of support.

Prepare For Awkward Moments

Within these conversations, don’t make us feel like we have to say what you want to hear. Be open enough to hear some things you aren’t ready for. Also, be tactful enough to understand that there may only be one chance to have this conversation the right way. Create a safe space, an understanding space, and most of all, an accepting space. Accept us for where we are in our experience, and we’ll accept you trying to guide us. It may be awkward and it will feel weird, but it will make a world of a difference. You can make the world of a difference.

Complete Article HERE!

Vegan Condoms?

Your Sex Life Is Now PETA-Approved

by

Vegan condoms don’t test on animals and don’t possess animal components. And due to that, you can now bone with a clear conscience.

“Condom fragments are inserted into rabbits for a vaginal irritation test. The rabbits are sacrificed, and their wombs are extracted to determine its suitability for people,” Gina Park, South Korea-based social venture Instinctus’ co-founder told reporters.

Instinctus retails sexual healthcare products, including personal lubricants, menstrual cups and Korea’s first vegan condoms. The 28-year-old, along with co-founders Seokjung Kim and Minhyun Seong, began with the clear purpose of making Korean folks’ sexual life wholesome and more natural. Park feels that testing intimate healthcare products like rubbers on animals are uncalled for, and that there are alternate methods of testing that don’t hurt animals.

“We have an alternative way [of testing] that avoids sacrificing animals. If we can do that, why not? I see this (vegan friendly step) as a necessity. To me, sustainability is something like the spirit of the times. I believe that not caring is backwards, and holds back businesses from growing,” said Park. “We put extra effort to grow our business by proving that our values are profitable as well as meaningful. We know there’s still a lot of people who are against the values we pursue. But what they can’t argue with are financial statements and success in the market.”

On the cover of Eve Condoms there’s the phrase: “Regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, occupation, location, nationality, and sexuality – every single person on this planet is entitled to safer sex.” “The strong have the responsibility of trying to do something for the weak,” added Park, in highlighting the company’s values. This, she explained, is the commonness in their promo of veganism and their vindication of sexual minorities.

Complete Article HERE!

Want a rocking sex life?

Get some sleep!

Sleep is important for overall health and well-being. It is also necessary for a healthy sex life. Read on to know more.

Today’s hectic lifestyle is not at all conducive to overall well-being of a person. It leaves you feeling tired and tense all the time. You are in a state of stress all the time. All this can affect your sleep quality. No wonder that so many people today complain of sleep disorders. A study at The North American Menopause Society says that sleep problems can interfere with a woman’s level of sexual satisfaction. The journal of The North American Menopause Society, Menopause, published this study. Another study at the American Academy of Sleep Medicine says that sleep disorders can affect sex life and cause abnormal sexual behaviours like “sleepsex” or “sexsomnia”.

There are many things that you can do to improve your sexual health. Exercising regularly, eating a balanced diet and taking supplements like shilajit are a few of them. You can also try getting more quality sleep if you want a better sex life.

Let us take a look at how sleep affects your sex life.

Sleep Is Important For Better Sex

A good night’s sleep not only refreshes you for the day, but also gives you an edge between the sheets. A recent study by the University of Michigan Medical School found that each additional hour of sleep increased the likelihood of sexual activity by 14 per cent.

Researchers stated in a paper, which appeared in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, that problems in the bedroom point to not getting enough sleep. In a study of 171 women, those who obtained more sleep on a given night, experienced greater sexual desire the next day. Sleep was also important for genital arousal. For instance, women who slept longer on average experienced fewer problems with vaginal arousal than women who obtained less sleep.

They added that the influence of sleep on sexual desire and arousal has received little attention in the field, but these findings indicate that insufficient sleep can decrease sexual desire and arousal for women. While Kalmbach’s findings covered well-rested women over time and discovered that women who were tired ended up being more aroused the next day, eventually, it catches up to them and their desire drops.

Researchers say that the take-home message should be that it is important to allow ourselves to obtain the sleep that our mind and body needs to enjoy a better sex life.

Extra Hour Of Sleep Can Boost Your Sex Life

Are you experiencing a sudden dip in your sexual desire? Try getting an extra hour of sleep tonight and reap its benefits between the sheets the very next day. According to an interesting study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, women who slept for an extra hour than usual had an enhanced sexual desire the next day.

Reflecting sleep’s impact on sexual desire, each additional hour of sleep increased the likelihood of sexual activity with a partner by 14 per cent. The results of the study also found that women who slept longer on average experienced fewer problems with vaginal arousal than women who obtained less sleep.

On an average, the women reported sleeping for seven hours and 22 minutes. David Kalmbach, researcher at the University of Michigan’s Sleep and Circadian Research Laboratory, said that the influence of sleep on sexual desire and arousal has received little attention in the field but these findings indicate that insufficient sleep can decrease sexual desire and arousal for women. Kalmbach and colleagues evaluated college-going 171 women who kept diaries of their sleep and reported whether they engaged in sexual activity the next day. The researchers are now trying to find out if sleep disorders are risk factors for sexual dysfunction.

Complete Article HERE!

How estrogen and testosterone change your body as you age

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Every part of your body — from your brain to your heart — needs hormones.

They’re your body’s “chemical messengers,” according to the Hormone Health Network.

“The glands of the endocrine system send out hormones that tell each part of your body what work to do, when to do it, and for how long,” the organization reported.

There are many different hormones and each contributes to different processes over time, including growth, physical development and sexual function.

The key reproductive hormones are estrogen and progesterone for women and testosterone for men. They’re all required for good sexual health and reproduction, but they can also affect things like energy level, weight and mood.

These hormones need to be balanced to work well, but their levels decrease as you age. This often causes many physiological changes.

How estrogen and testosterone work

Estrogen and progesterone are produced mainly by the ovaries “in a cyclical fashion, which results in a monthly period,” said Dr. Caitlin Dunne, an infertility specialist at the Pacific Centre for Reproductive Medicine in Vancouver.

“Beyond pregnancy … estrogen is essential for building and maintaining strong bones and for keeping women’s arteries healthy to avoid heart disease,” she said. “[It] also plays an important role in cognitive functioning, moods, sexuality, breast development and breastfeeding, to name a few.”

However, women are born with a finite number of eggs that decreases over time. As the eggs disappear, so does the source of a woman’s estrogen and progesterone. When she has no eggs left, she enters menopause.

“On average, that occurs at age 51,” said Dunne.

Similarly, the pituitary gland controls the production of testosterone by the testes in men.

As men age, the testes can slow down or stop producing testosterone altogether. This is known as andropause, or male menopause.

How your body could change

For women

The sudden drop in estrogen levels can lead to menopausal symptoms like “hot flashes, night sweats and changes in mental functioning,” said Dunne.

However, it has been known to also cause more subtle side effects.

“Some menopausal women describe difficulty concentrating, memory issues and mood changes,” she said. “Weight and body composition changes can also occur.”

Dunne said menopausal women have a propensity to lose muscle and gain fat tissue, especially around the waist and hips.

For men

Men continue to make sperm for the rest of their lives, but the decrease in testosterone can have other effects.

These can include fatigue, erectile dysfunction, loss of muscle mass, low libido and low sperm production.

It’s not uncommon for men to lose body hair, muscle and strength as they age. Body fat may also increase over time.

Managing the changes

Both men and women are advised to maintain a healthy diet and exercise regimen.

Women should concentrate on “weight-bearing and balance exercises to offset the effects of bone loss and the risk of fractures or falling,” said Dunne.

Calcium and vitamin D can also help to support bone maintenance.

“Heart disease is consistently one of the top threats to women in our society, particularly after menopause,” she said.

“Having a healthy body weight and avoiding high blood pressure and diabetes are some of the most important things we can do to mitigate this risk.”

There’s also the option of hormone therapy for both men and women.

Testosterone replacement therapy can be done several ways, including using gel or patches that you put on your skin.

It can improve “sexual interest, erections, mood and energy, body hair growth, bone density and muscle mass,” according to the Hormone Health Network.

Hormone therapy for women is considered one of the most effective treatments for bothersome hot flashes and night sweats, Dr. Lindsay Shirreff previously told Global News.

“We aim to individualize treatment and offer women the lowest hormone therapy dose to provide relief from her symptoms,” said Shirreff, an obstetrician/gynecologist at the Mature Women’s Health and Menopause Clinic at Mount Sinai Hospital in Toronto.

She said that as long as a woman has no contraindications to starting hormone therapy and is within 10 years of her last period, this type of therapy is safe and effective.

“Women who still have their uterus are typically prescribed estrogen and progesterone,” she said. “The estrogen is often given through the skin in the form of a patch or gel to decrease the risk of blood clot and heart attack that was previously attributed to hormone therapy.”

The treatment, however, has gotten a bad reputation because of associated breast cancer risks. However, Dunne said these have often been misinterpreted as much scarier than they really are.

“I would suggest that women who are suffering with hot flashes should see their doctor to have an informed discussion,” she said.

“In general, when we use a low dose of hormone therapy for a short duration of time, it carries minimal (if any) increased risk of breast cancer and it can help make women’s lives more manageable.”

Complete Article HERE!

These are the most Googled sex and relationship questions of 2019

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Surprised?

What are we looking for when it comes to all things love and lust? Are we a nation in need of sweethearts or brief encounters?

While we’re all very aware that there’s a never-ending list of dating trends – ahem, cushioning, zombieing and sneating – apparently it’s a common theme when it comes to the most Googled sex and relationship questions of 2019.

Many of us were trying to work out what ghosting, breadcrumbing and gaslighting are all about, whereas others were wondering if it’s okay to date a colleague.

Civilised Health has analysed Google trend data to find out exactly what we were asking when it comes to sex and relationships with qualified health and relationship specialist Claudia Brooker, presenting her
professional advice.

Question 1: What is ghosting?

Ah, the most traditional of all modern dating trends – and yet we still don’t quite know how to tell if we’ve been ghosted. According to the data, the question has received a 421% rise in Google searches in the last year alone.

‘In terms of dating, ghosting is the practice of one person ending a relationship by unexpectedly withdrawing from all methods of communication,’ says Brooker.

‘They do not reply to messages or answer calls in order to disappear from a situation. In my opinion, dating apps have contributed to a rise in ghosting as users tend to adopt a ‘churn and burn’ mentality. They assume that the victim of ghosting will not dwell for too long as they will soon be talking to someone else. Even people who consider themselves to be a part of an exclusive relationship can be a victim of ghosting.

‘In my experience, the person who tends to do the ghosting does so because they are fearful of confrontation and have an overriding sense of guilt that leads them to avoid formally terminating a relationship.

‘If you are a victim of ghosting, temptation to ‘fill the gaps’ and let your imagination run away with you can surpass rationality. Victims often blame themselves and replay certain scenarios over and over in order to determine what they should have done differently. Often, the victim strives to find out why the situation has taken this course and a lack of closure can be incredibly confusing.

‘My advice to anyone that has been ghosted is to remember that ghosting is often indicative of a person needing to work on themselves in order to heal old wounds as they are now void of showcasing their vulnerability. Therefore, the situation is rarely a reflection on you, it should effect your personal wellbeing.’

Question two: Sex on a first date?

Outdated ideas about the ‘right time’ to sleep with someone new are still going strong. While it’s completely up to you if you want to sleep with someone on the first, second, fifth, tenth or twentieth date, the term has seen a 313% rise in searches online.

‘The prospect of sex on the first date often sparks a minefield of opinions and overthinking. To put it simply, having sex on the first date does not reflect your entitlement to an exclusive relationship and there should certainly be no sense of shame whatsoever,’ says Brooker.

‘However, the consistent rise in Google searches signals that the debate (however outdated) is set to continue. Like most things, deciding whether sex on the first date is the right thing to do is prescriptive to each situation and should only ever come into fruition if both parties are on the same page and feelings are communicated honestly and effectively.’

Question three: Dating a colleague – yes or no…?

Inevitable or avoidable? While office sex has some very real consequences, it seems that many of us were asking whether or not to date within the workplace in 2019 with searches rising 281%.

‘I have seen some successful romances stem from the workplace. However, I have also witnessed some horror stories,’ reveals Brooker.

‘I am not surprised that the UK’s workforce turns to Google in order to establish whether an office romance is a good idea. For obvious reasons, participants are hesitant to mention it to their other colleagues and friends can be very opinionated.

‘As a relationship expert, questions surrounding office romances is one of the most common queries I receive (along with one-night stands). For every client, no matter what industry they work in, I always present three golden rules:

  • Check your contract – it always amazes me how many people do not know the details of their contract. Some contracts prohibit relationships with co-workers, superiors and even clients. Before you pursue a relationship, READ YOUR CONTRACT
  • Think the worst – when the dopamine is flowing and the honeymoon period is in full swing, it can be difficult to think the worst. However, be realistic and analyse what will happen if the romance does not pan out the way you thought it would. Always take feelings into account and decide whether the relationship is worth risking your role within the workplace
  • If your romantic interest is not single, do not pursue – workplaces can replicate that of ‘holiday mode’ if someone is unhappy in their home life. If your colleague is not single, then steer away from getting romantically involved with them. This rarely ends well and often impacts your work

Question four: What is bread crumbing?

That’s right – another dating trend. Yay. So what is breadcrumbing, the term that has seen a whopping 333% rise in searches?

‘Breadcrumbing is not a new phenomenon and chances are, everyone has done it at some point,’ Brooker says.

‘It is essentially leading someone on by sending them sporadic messages and/or commenting on social media posts in such a way that interest continues. However, it is non-committal and vague.

‘The messages and social media engagement act as the breadcrumbs. There is endless reasons as to why people do it. Some want to divert their attention away from a painful breakup, others want to feed their ego, and some (woefully) just want to kill boredom.

‘If you are romantically engaging with someone that is not an evolution of a friendship, I recommend a 3-message rule.

‘After 3 separate occasions where a dedicated conversation has taken place, if no mention of meeting up has occurred then limit your emotional investment immediately. This can be considered harsh however, it encourages realism and clarity.’

Question five: What is gaslighting?

Finally, we’ve been interested to know more about gaslighting. Over to the expert…

‘The term gaslighting is coined from the film Gaslight where a manipulative husband convinces his wife to constantly question her thoughts, actions and memories in order to control her,’ Brooker says.

‘It has received a 416% rise in Google searches, and I feel that it is important to state that its occurrence is not just confined to romantic relationships and can occur in friendships, families and even workplaces.

Complete Article HERE!

Why Sexual Assault Survivors Of Color Need Their Own Spaces To Heal

By Kelly Gonsalves

For survivors of sexual trauma, finding healing is often an arduous process. And if you’re a person whose race, gender, or sexual orientation is already marginalized, trying to find support for healing as a survivor can be uniquely difficult.

“As I’ve been working in mental health, what kept coming up is what I call the lack of support for folks of color, especially femmes of color,” explains comprehensive sex educator and trauma specialist Jimanekia Eborn. “They are questioned more. They aren’t believed more. There’s a lack of resources.”

These unique challenges are why Eborn created Tending the Garden, a healing retreat specifically for femmes of color who’ve experienced sexual trauma. It’s designed to make space for survivors of color to work on their healing together in a space created specifically for them, led by people like them. All the retreat staff, educators, and therapists (who are affectionately named “hoes,” which is both a reference to the gardening tool and an acronym for “helping open every survivor,” like a flower) are femmes of color and survivors themselves. Among the instructors are award-winning yoga instructor Jessamyn Stanley and sexuality doula Ev’yan Whitney.

“[They have] different types of pronouns, they have different bodies, they have different types of racial and ethnic identities, and for me that was really important for people to show up and see others that look like them,” Eborn tells mbg.

The unique challenges of marginalized survivors.

Eborn has worked in mental health for over a decade, working as a counselor, case manager, and educator at trauma care centers and educational institutions. “What I have seen oftentimes in mental health facilities or other places I’ve been is that folks don’t necessarily understand the journey of a femme of color if they’re not a femme of color,” she says. “I’ve worked in mental health facilities where folks have left worse than when they showed up because of the lack of care, the lack of support, the lack of time given to them because they identify as a certain way or looked a certain way.”

(Throughout this piece, we use the word femme as intended by Eborn and her staff: Although the term originated within the lesbian community as a specific type of lesbian identity, today people of varying sexual orientations use the term to describe their gender, usually when they feel their gender identity or gender expression aligns with femininity in some way. “Simply put, femme is more inclusive,” the retreat website says of the word choice. “We are not the gatekeepers of language, and this retreat is open for anyone who has been affected because of their feminine aspects. Our facilitators and staff identify as women, transfemme, genderqueer, and nonbinary women.”)

Dealing with mental health care practitioners who don’t respect your identity or see your full identity can make working on your healing unnecessarily difficult and even be retraumatizing. Even among well-meaning practitioners, many people are not adequately trained on how to work with people of color and people in the LGBTQ+ community, such that these survivors need to spend time explaining themselves or educating the very person who’s supposed to be helping them heal.

For example, Eborn says Black women often face more resistance or simply receive less unequivocal support from their providers.

“I’ve found that there can be a lot of gaslighting and a lot of discounting,” she says. “Black women are perceived to be so strong, and I hear that a lot. Often I’ll look at myself and be like, ‘You’re so strong. You can do everything.’ So people don’t check in on them. People don’t check in on femmes of color because they’re so strong, and then when they do ask for help, people are all like ‘Well, how bad is it? Are you sure?’ And it takes away from the process. It takes away from the healing if they’re constantly being questioned instead of just being believed.”

Research has found the “strong black woman” stereotypes can have significant consequences for black women’s mental health, including higher likelihood of depression and a lower likelihood of seeking out help. A data analysis from the Georgetown Law Center on Poverty and Inequality also found people see young black girls as “less innocent and more adultlike than their white peers” and as being more sexual than young white girls; it also found people believe black girls need less nurturing, protection, comfort, and support. Even the Me Too movement, which was started by and for people of color, didn’t catch mainstream attention until white women started becoming involved with it.

When you add gender diversity on top of racial identity, things get all the more challenging. A lot of research suggests trans and nonbinary people of color experience uniquely high rates of sexual abuse. A 2015 report found half of black trans and nonbinary people have experienced sexual violence, and another half have experienced domestic violence. On top of their increased experiences of trauma, Eborn points out that these folks need to deal with mental health professionals who dismiss or question their gender constantly, which can create distract from the process or create an unwelcoming environment. Research shows one in four trans folks has avoided a doctor’s appointment for fear of being mistreated.

When you’re trying to work on something as sensitive as sexual trauma, these unnecessary obstacles can make an emotionally chaotic process feel downright unbearable. There’s so much value in just working with people who share your experiences and not needing to explain yourself when you are working through one of the most challenging and vulnerable healing processes imaginable.

It’s high time femmes of color had dedicated spaces created wholly for them, their healing, and their growth. Eborn hopes Tending the Garden can be one such space.

“What do you need, like for a garden, to make things grow? You need water. You need support. You need time. You need to seed it,” Eborn says. “That’s what I want these individuals to come to the retreat to learn how to do—to tend their own garden.”

The flowers in question, she says, refer to our emotional capacity, our sexual well-being, and being able to feel good within oneself. Survivors of color deserve their own spaces like this one to process their trauma, learn coping strategies and other helpful skills, and reconnect with their bodies and their sexuality. Eborn’s retreat has clearly been thoughtfully designed around exactly what trauma survivors need to actually heal, including on-site therapists they’ll have access to at any moment and an extensive aftercare program to ensure they’ll have ongoing support when they return home from the retreat (think access to free online therapy sessions, some take-home healing tools, and new toys for physical exploration).

“I wanted these individuals to take up their own space and not have to worry about anyone else taking up their space. I wanted them to have a space where they can exhale and not have to pick up anyone else’s nonsense,” Eborn says. “It will be a hard journey because you’re going to see things in yourself that maybe you have avoided. But I will say also, the other side of it is going to be beautiful.”

Complete Article HERE!

7 myths about queer sex you should stop believing now

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  • While sex in general has been misrepresented in popular media and porn, LGBTQ sex, in particular, tends to be exaggerated. 
  • Less than 6% of teens reported that they received sex education with any mention of LGBTQ-related topics, making it easy to believe some of the most popular myths. 
  • Here are 7 things you may have gotten wrong about queer sex. 

While almost teens in the US get some form of sex education, fewer than 6% had sex education classes included LGBTQ-related topics as of 2015, according to the Guttmacher Institute.

This lack of formal education paired with the overall misrepresentation of LGBTQ sex in mainstream media and porn makes it easy for myths about queer sex to circulate.

Here are 8 things you may have gotten wrong about LGBTQ sex, from scissoring to STIs.

Myth: “Scissoring” is real.

“Scissoring” is not a thing. At least, not in the way that most porn portrays it. 

For those unfamiliar with the concept, “scissoring” is when two people with vaginas touch clitorises in order to stimulate each other. It is one of the most common ways queer people with vaginas — typically cisgender lesbians — are shown having sex.

While a realistic version of scissoring called “tribbing” is actually used, the way porn portrays it is typically wrong, with a lot of forceful slamming of genitals and awkward positions that can’t be comfortable for anyone.

Myth: Penetration happens with no preparation.

Porn portraying queer men often fails to show the preparation involved in anal sex, such as cleaning the area, using lube, and foreplay. 

According to Dr. Joseph Terlizzi, a colon and rectal surgeon, people who are bottoming — or being penetrated during anal sex — oftentimes need to prepare their bodies before sex to make sure they don’t get hurt. 

“If your anus is too tightly contracted when you are first penetrated, you’ll run the risk of tearing skin or damaging your sphincter,” Terlizzi told Lighthouse: LGBTQ+ affirming care. “That’s why it’s important to relax your anus before penetration using various foreplay techniques and to keep your anus relaxed and well-lubricated while bottoming.”

In real life, not preparing adequately can lead to an uncomfortable and painful experience for those bottoming.

Myth: Bisexual people are just going through a phase.

The idea that bisexual people are just going through a phrase is one of the most common misconceptions around bisexuality, according to the Human Rights Campaign.

This kind of statement implies that you don’t believe their sexuality exists. Experts acknowledge that sexuality is a spectrum, just like gender, and people can be attracted to people of all genders, one gender, or no gender at all.

Myth: Women having sex with women must use a strap-on.

Porn, television, and movies that show queer women having sex often focus heavily on penetration, specifically with a strap-on — or a sex toy that attaches a dildo to a harness so that people can engage in hands-free penetration. 

But the idea that strap-ons are a part of sex every single time is inaccurate, and frames queer sex in a heteronormative way.

In reality, sex can look lots of different ways for queer people with vaginas, and not all of them revolve around penetration. Oral sex, clitoral stimulation, dry humping, nipple play, and tribbing are just a few of the ways that queer people can get it on without penetration.

Myth: People with vaginas can’t give each other STIs.

While the use of dental dams — or latex sheets designed to be put on the vagina during oral sex — is sometimes seen as a joke among queer people, the idea that two people with vaginas can’t transmit STIs to each other is far from true.

Queer people with vaginas are at risk for the same types of STIs as cisgender or straight people and sex should still be approached with caution. STIs can be transmitted from skin to skin contact, oral-genital stimulation, and contaminated toys, so safe sex practices are important.

Myth: You can guess who’s a top and who’s a bottom.

A consistent theme in media featuring queer people is the masc-femme, top-bottom dichotomy. Think Shane Mccutcheon on the original “The L Word” being the ultimate top heartbreaker while sporting her iconic androgynous rocker aesthetic.

Essentially, feminine-presenting people are framed as being the “bottom,” or the person the sex is done to, and masculine-presenting people are framed as being the “top,” or the person being assertive during sex.   

In reality, people can be tops, bottoms, or switches — or people who are versatile in their sexual preferences — regardless of gender presentation. 

Myth: Having preferences that exclude people based on whether they are cisgender or a certain racial group isn’t problematic.

Queer men often list “preferences” on dating apps like “no blacks, no femmes, no fatties.” Sometimes, these preferences really just act as thinly veiled guises for racism, transphobia, and fatphobia.

Research released earlier this year on sexual racism illustrated the negative impacts this kind of dating exclusion can have on queer men of color.

In addition to racial preferences, a significant number of dating app users exclude transgender people from their dating pool.

These kinds of identity-based preferences lead to feelings of low self-esteem and marginalization among those excluded, and can contribute to disproportionately high rates of poor mental health and even suicide among these groups.

Complete Article HERE!

‘How do I clean my penis?’

Growing up, no one ever gave me the rundown on how or what I should do to keep my penis clean […] I’ve never read any reliable answer beyond washing it with water. Do I use soap? Any soap? How normal is smegma? If my penis gets itchy from smegma should I go see a doctor? If so, my GP or a urologist? — Anonymous

By

Key points

  • clean under the foreskin, using soap, but not too much
  • smegma is normal
  • if you have any concerns, see your GP.

It’s a shame some people think talking about cleaning and caring for our genitals is embarrassing or taboo. We probably know more about hair care than penis care.

The penis is simply another part of our anatomy, so cleaning should be relatively straight forward.

If you’ve been circumcised, where your foreskin was removed soon after birth, your penis will look something like the one in the diagram (below, right), with the head (or glans) always exposed.

But if you have a foreskin (below left and centre), there are some extra things to think about when washing, which we’ll get to soon.

Foreskin facts

But first, some foreskin facts. From around the time you turn five, your foreskin separates from the head of your penis, bit by bit. This allows you to pull back your foreskin (retract it). In some boys, the foreskin can stay partially stuck to the head of the penis until puberty.

You should never forcibly pull back your foreskin. That’ll be painful, you could bleed, you could scar, or have other complications.

OK, now for the washing part

Once your foreskin separates easily from the glans, gently retract and clean underneath the foreskin with each bath or shower. Then, after washing, pull the foreskin forward to its normal position.

When it’s time to dry off, retract the foreskin again so you can dry the head of the penis with a towel. Then, you guessed it, pull the foreskin forward to its normal position.

It’s OK to clean with soap whether you have a foreskin or not. But generally, too much soap is worse than none at all. Excessive cleaning removes essential body oils that would normally keep our skin moist and reduce friction. If you have sensitive skin, you can use a soap-free wash from the chemist.

What about smegma?

Smegma is a thick, whitish discharge consisting of a build-up of dead skin cells, oil and other fluids under the foreskin. And it’s very useful. It protects and lubricates the penis.

Some people have oilier skin than others and tend to have more smegma. So some smegma is normal, but if you have too much or it becomes smelly, you may need to clean more.

Things to watch out for (and when to see your GP)

If the head of your penis becomes painful, red, itchy and has a discharge, you may have a treatable condition called balanitis.

It’s more common if you have a foreskin. And the bacteria and fungus that cause it like the warm and moist conditions under there.

Skin disorders, infection, poor hygiene, friction from sexual activity, and using too much soap all cause the condition.

You can clear a mild case with good hygiene and simple treatments, such as an antiseptic or antifungal cream. You can buy these from any pharmacy. In addition to the medication, the cream itself helps protect and moisturise the inflammed skin.

If you have balanitis you may need to be more careful than usual to avoid urine irritating your inflamed skin. Retract your foreskin when you urinate. Dry the head of the penis gently after you finish.

If your penis is still inflamed after a week of these simple measures it’s best to see your GP. They can then investigate other causes, such as psoriasis or an allergy.

Complete Article HERE!

A simple guide to improving your relationship

Because the reality is: relationships aren’t always love hearts and butterflies.

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You may be one of the lucky few in a healthy relationship, but thanks to pop culture (and our obsession with binge-watching rom-coms) we tend to see everything through rose-tinted glasses. Thanks to the unrealistic expectations set by Love Actually and Bridget Jones’s Diary, you may have come to find that your relationship just isn’t living up to that. Maybe you can’t stop arguing, jealously is getting in the way, or maybe the fire once in your loins is now just a smouldering pile of ash?

We spoke to Sarah Calvert, psychosexual and relationship therapist, and Annabelle Knight, sex and dating expert at , to bring you a simple guide on how to improve your relationship.

How to improve your relationship

“All relationships go through ups and downs, as do people,” Sarah says, and this is so important to remember. It is completely normal to hit rocky patches in our relationships for a number of reasons.

Annabelle finds that work, money and sex are big factors that contribute to relationship breakdowns. So if any of those things are causing you problems, here are Annabelle and Sarah’s tips on how to improve your relationship.

1. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

The most important thing – despite the fact that most of us dread talking about our feelings – is communication. It’s the ruler of every kind of relationship, whether that’s one with your babe or your boss.

Sarah says, “I cannot stress enough how important good communication is. Without it, resentment, fear or distrust can build up and there’s nothing like this trio to cause relationship problems.”

A lack of communication can also negatively impact your sex life. Annabelle says, “It is vital you keep the channels of communication open to enjoy good sex … talk about what really DOES turn you on, and allow them to do the same”.

2. Give your relationship an MOT

Sarah says you need to “ask yourself, what state is your relationship in? It’s important to check in with your partner regularly and have honest discussions about how each of you is feeling”. Which also ties into communicating, FYI.

You need to know what direction you want the relationship to go in, or you could be faced with a breaking point. “If you’re struggling to work things out together, seek help sooner than rather waiting for a crisis”.

Annabelle thinks that you need to look within yourself for the answers first, and to concentrate on the fundamentals. “Do you still fancy them? Do you still like and respect them?,” she asks.

3. Support each other through the ups and downs

We’ve all been there: you’re stressed, and you take it out on your partner. Now you’re both arguing about your attitude problem and their inability to listen. Sarah says, “Relationship problems can lead to mental health problems, and vice versa, so maintaining a happy, healthy relationship should be a priority for us all”.

She suggests you “take time to really listen to what they are saying, give them space … and be mindful of what you’re saying and how you’re saying it”.

4. Move forwards, not backwards

Do you find yourself reminiscing about the early days with your partner? Sarah says you shouldn’t, because “it’s natural that you’ve both grown and changed in the time you’ve been together.”

Instead of reminiscing, she says it’s more healthy to think about new interests you can enjoy together. So, why don’t you both catch up on Black Mirror, or take a pottery class together, à la Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore in Ghost? The possibilities are endless (and fun!) when you put your mind to it and make time to plan.

5. Variety is the spice of life

“Eat the same meal every night and you will soon get bored of it. Why do you think that sex is any different?” Annabelle says. Does routine sex sound like something you do? Annabelle suggests you “mix it up in whatever way works for you … anything which keeps things fun and breaks the routine”.

And her bonus tip for those couples who consider sex to be really important: “If the sex is right everything else tends to fall into place. Always make sex a priority in a relationship”.

6. Kissing is key

Annabelle has noticed that “a lot of couples underestimate the importance of kissing, which is a shame because it’s the perfect way to establish intimacy, and is arguably the most important act of foreplay”. Before you go in all guns blazing, make sure you’re taking time to find out what your partner enjoys, which is, as Annabelle puts it, “key to kicking things off right”.

How to know when your relationship can’t be improved

Sarah says, “If you find yourself going around in circles not knowing whether to save or end your relationship, it may be helpful to talk things over with an impartial third party”.

But, you should remember that sometimes there are relationships so damaged that not even the relationship experts can help. And that’s okay. As much as you’d want to try and save a toxic relationship with someone you really love, it’d do your sanity and wellbeing a favour to ditch it.

If the cons of the relationship are outweighing the pros, the best thing to do is to let them go.

Always talk to friends and family about your concerns or reach out to experts like Sarah and Annabelle for support.

Complete Article HERE!