Monthly Archives: May 2011

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Finessing That Ass Fuck — A Tutorial For a Top

This tutorial is for anyone who is considering being a top, regardless of whether the meat injection is 100% prime, or a beef substitute (a strap-on dildo), these words of wisdom are for you.

What Ya Need To Know

Let’s get something clear right from the get-go. And this is for all you sticklers for semantics out there. The word “top” has several sexual connotations. There are of course BDSM tops, but generally they go by the moniker “dom”. And one can accurately say there a “top” in any sexual activity that involves an active and passive partner — such as cocksucking and watersports. But today’s lesson is for the active partner in butt sex. But you knew that already. Because all you had to do is read the title of this article to figure that out, huh?

Some folks just aren’t open to the idea of experimenting with their assholes. They think it’s gonna be painful, or worse, messy.

So first off, prospective tops, you don’t want to try buggering these folks. A good top should know it makes no sense at all to try to force or belittle an unwilling bottom to give up his or her rosebud. This is simply a waste of everyone’s time. Because if you do succeed in getting the unwilling bottom to relent, and the subsequent fucking attempt confirms the bottom’s earlier suspicions that this activity is indeed painful or gross or both, you’ll have won the skirmish, but lost the war. Remember, it takes two to tango.

Secondly. Before a top commences a fuck of any kind, they need to consider whose pleasure is primary in this particular fuck. There is a big difference between fucking for the top’s pleasure, for the bottom’s pleasure, or for mutual pleasure. For instance, if a top is trying to finesse a novice bottom into exploring ass fucking, that top needs to concentrate on the bottom’s pleasure first.

Start by getting the bottom comfortable being touched where the sun don’t shine. Lubricate your hand generously and massage the outside of their hole. Make some lazy little circles with your fingers and drive your bottom wild with desire. When their sphincter starts to quiver, as it surely will, slowly penetrate your bottom’s bottom with a lubricated fingertip. After a few minutes of just hanging out with your finger in there, you can begin to slowly slide your finger in and out. Be sure to take your time. Allow their muscles to adjust to being penetrated. You might want to incorporate a thin vibrating dildo and/or some expert rimming to pave the way for bigger things.

When a top fingers a bottom, they would do well, at this point, to reconsider the width of his dick or her strap-on. Once your bottom can take two fingers comfortably and three fingers with a minimum of discomfort, they’re ready to take a modest-sized cock or dildo. If you’re very well-endowed or you plan to strap on a monster dildo, you’d better adjust this finger-formula based on the width of your fingers and your equipment. And, you know, make sure your partner is aware of the girth of what awaits him or her.

A clean asshole is a fuckable asshole. Hygiene is essential for both tops and bottoms. Bottoms may wish to use a small bulb syringe and plain water to clean out a few hours before the event. And tops, once your cock or dildo has been inside your bottom’s ass, don’t go puttin’ that thang anywhere else until you’ve washed it down with soap and water. Carelessness in the hygiene department will only invite a very serious infection.

Making It Happen

Tops, be sure to use a good personal lube and have your favorite condoms within reach. Getting your bottom into the right position, one that is comfortable for both of you is paramount. There are way too many positions for me cover here, but when choosing a position, consider your preference, the bottom’s preference, your cock and/or dildo size, your body type and the bottom’s body type. You may find that a pillow or two positioned under your bottom’s pelvis will help support and prop up your bottom’s bottom in most positions.

Painful fucking is a sign that something is being done incorrectly. It is not a sign from God that ass fucking is wrong. In most cases, pain is due to a few predictable factors:

  • The bottom is too tense and is tightening up.
  • The top is being impatient and is pushing too hard too soon.
  • There may not be enough lubricant.
  • The cock or strap-on is too big for the bottom’s experience level.

Obviously, both people should be comfortable and feel pleasure from it. However, it’s perfectly fine, on occasion, to concentrate on one person’s pleasure over the pleasure of the other. Just make sure you both agree on whose pleasure is gonna be the focus of any given fuck.

Topping is a skill like any other. Practice will improve your technique. And while practicing, invite and listen to the feedback coming from your bottom.

The Top’s Handy-Dandy Tally Sheet

Ok, let’s review.

  1. Always use a lubricant. Both water-based and silicone- based lubricants are latex-compatible and highly recommended.
  2. Stop immediately if your partner asks you to stop. I’m not suggesting that you stop trying altogether; just don’t push yourself onto your bottom when he or she wants you to stop. Find the source of the problem—lubrication, position, whatever, resolve the problem, and resume the fuck.
  3. Take it slow. There is no need to rush, especially if you’re experimenting with anal sex for the first time.
  4. A bottom’s desire to be fucked will not insure pleasurable cornholing. It’s nice that he or she might want to surrender their ass, but that’s not gonna make it happen on its own.
  5. Always communicate with your bottom. Keep your communication playful and dirty. Tops, be open about what you want and how it’s feeling. “Oh baby, that’s right you’ve got such a tight hole. You want my big meat in your ass? Yes you do! Open up for daddy…or momma…as the case may be.” Get the picture?
  6. Spread the pleasure around. Keep your hands busy on the bottom’s clit or cock, at least initially. If the bottom can make the connection between the pleasure he/she is familiar with (cock or clit) with the new butt related sensations; then the battle has been won.

In Conclusion

Some experienced bottoms can orgasm with ass fucking alone. Women do so through pelvic muscle contractions and G-spot stimulation; men because of pressure applied to their prostate.

Oh, and here’s something you need to know. We all have two sphincter muscles. If you insert a finger about one half-inch into your ass and press your fingertip against the side you’ll find them both. There is less than a quarter-inch between them. The external sphincter is controlled by the central nervous system, which means you can tense and relax this sphincter at will. The internal sphincter is quite different. This muscle is controlled by the autonomic nervous system making it involuntary. This muscle responds to fear and anxiety. It may cause your bottom’s hole to tense up automatically even if he or she is trying to relax.

Tops, remember the rectum is not straight. After the short anal canal that connects the asshole to the rectum, the rectum tilts toward the front of the body, sometimes as much as 90 degrees. That’s way some people are anatomically less suited to ass fucking.

Finally, the best attribute a top can have is his or her sense of humor about the whole friggin’ deal. Fucking ain’t as easy as it looks, at least not at first. But perseverance will carry the day.

Good luck!

More SEX WISDOM With Pamela Madsen — Podcast #281 — 05/25/11

Hello sex fans! Welcome back.

I am so glad today has finally rolled around because sex educator, blogger, author motivational speaker, founder of The American Fertility Association and delightful diva, Pamela Madsen, promised she’d be back to dispense more of her signature SEX WISDOM. And sure enough she’s waiting in the wings.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this show, which appeared here last week at this time, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #279 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Pamela and I discuss:

  • Sacred intimacy;
  • Dancing with her tribe of women;
  • Acknowledging our desire;
  • Sexological bodywork;
  • Learning to receive pleasure;
  • Power surrendering;
  • Being shamed for being shameless;
  • Secrets vs. privacy;
  • Staying, not leaving;
  • Her Shameless Community.

Pamela invites you to visit her on her site HERE! Her Psychology Today column is HERE! Look for her on The Fertility Advocate HERE! She’s on Facebook HERE! And enjoy her twitter feed HERE!

(Click on the book art below to get more information about her book.)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

drdicksstockroom.jpg

Sex EDGE-U-cation With Blade Bannon — Podcast #280 – 05/23/11


Hey sex fans, welcome back!

The very talented Blade Bannon, erotic photographer, author and prominent kinkster, is back with us this week. This is Part 2 of our conversation about his life and work.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of his appearance on this show, which appeared here last week at this time, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #278 and Voilà! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Blade and I discuss:

  • His life in BDSM as a spiritual journey;
  • His leather family;
  • His approach to mentoring;
  • Starting out as a leather ”boy”;
  • The Dom and sub mindsets;
  • The recreational and cathartic aspects of BDSM;
  • Daddy/boy role-play.

Blade invites you to visit him on his site HERE!
And be sure to pick up a copy of his book HERE!

(Click on the thumbnails below to see a slideshow of some of Blade’s photography.)

[nggallery id=99]

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Big, Bad Orgasm Machine

Hey sex fans!

It’s not just a Friday; it’s a Product Review Friday. And today we bring you a review of another wand-like massager. This product comes from our favorite retailer — Adult Sex Toys .com.

Here to tell us all about her new vibrator is Dr Dick Review Crew member, Christa.

Adam & Eve Rechargeable Magic Massager 2.0 —— $57.49

Christa
When I was like 17 I had my first orgasm and I did it with my aunt’s Hitachi Magic Wand. I wasn’t actually aiming for an orgasm, on the contrary. I had this splitting headache, that kind I would regularly get with PMS. I was staying with my aunt at the time and she handed me her Hitachi and suggested that I massage the back of my head and neck with it.

My aunt was this totally cool lady, so unlike my mother. When she handed me the vibe she gave me a little wink and closed the bedroom door as she left the room. I thought nothing of it at the time, but I soon discovered that moving the powerful massaging head from the back of my head to the side of my head and then to the back of my neck really helped alleviate my headache. I guess I just figured that if the massager felt this good on the upper part of my body, maybe it would help with my cramping. I gingerly moved the vibe along my torso. My nipples immediately sprang to life. As I moved it south the most pleasant sensations began to well up in me. Just for the hell of it I gingerly dragged the bulbous head of the Hitachi over my cunt. I was still wearing my jeans, but still I’d never felt anything like that before. Before I knew it, I’d discovered my clit and the rest is history.

Once I emerged from the bedroom and handed the Hitachi back to my aunt, and thanked her. I knew from her smile that she knew what I now knew. I loved and trusted that woman so much, In this regard; she was much more a mother to me than my own mother. Yet we never spoke about what had just happened to me.

Ya know what just kills me though? I can’t understand why one generation of women can’t just come right out with it and tell the next generation of women the secret of getting off. Wouldn’t we do one another a great service if we did? This coy winking and nodding that happens between women, if it happens at all, is just bullshit, if ya ask me.

Well, that was more of a story then I anticipated telling, but it feels good to say that out loud.

All of this is a preface to my review of the Rechargeable Magic Massager from Adam & Eve. This thing rocks! It is every bit as powerful as my trusty Hitachi, but it is cordless. And that, my friends, makes it revolutionary.

I’m not gonna go on and on about a wand-type massager, like the Rechargeable Magic Massager, because if you are older than 18 and are still clueless about this type of vibe, then there’s just no hope for you. However, if you’re a younger woman, just discovering your sexuality, then you should immediately get yourself a wand massager. And I can recommend the Rechargeable Magic Massager with confidence.

There are several advantages of the Rechargeable Magic Massager, over the original Hitachi. This one weighs less than the original and it, as I said already, is cordless. The lighter weight Rechargeable Magic Massager will prevent wrist strain when jilling off. And it being cordless allows you to diddle yourself wherever you damn well please.

When my BF, Alex, and I hit the road for a little R&R, the first thing I pack is my Rechargeable Magic Massager.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

SEX WISDOM With Pamela Madsen — Podcast #279 — 05/18/11


Hello sex fans! Welcome back.

Ya know I was thinking some weeks ago that we haven’t had a kick-ass SEX WISDOM podcast since Carol Queen was on my show way back in early march. This is, of course, the podcast series where I chat with researchers, educators, clinicians, pundits and philosophers who are helping us take a fresh look at our sexual selves. So I started to rummage through my little black book to find us the perfect person to break this sex wisdom drought. And guess who I found?

Well, I’ll tell ya. She is an amazing woman — she is a fertility/sex educator, blogger, author of:  Shameless: How I Ditched the Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure… and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner, a motivational speaker and founder of The American Fertility Association. Here with me is the irrepressible Pamela Madsen. Prepare to laugh your ass off, sex fans. I know you will enjoy her as much as I do.

Pamela and I discuss:

  • All of her “parts”;
  • Her crooked mainstream life;
  • Permission giving;
  • Being a swell mommy;
  • How her book got its title;
  • It’s only kinky the first time;
  • Tips for becoming visible;
  • Her martini circle;
  • Erotic massage for women;
  • Her surrender.

Pamela invites you to visit her on her site HERE!  Her Psychology Today column is HERE!  Look for her on The Fertility Advocate HERE!  She’s on Facebook HERE! And enjoy her twitter feed HERE!

(Click on the book art below to get more information about her book.)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: Adam & Eve.com.